Over the Mountains and Through the Fire
by MotherHeninFlorida
Summary: I sat down to rest and think. I needed to do both before going any further. Resting was the easy part. Even as big and strong as I am I was at the end of my rope from carrying first Jonathon and then Nana hoping to get to a place where we could find their medicine supply. It was either rest or fall flat on my face before too much longer ... (based on Night Moves).
1. Chapter 1

_Author's Note: This is a YA story based on the 'verse created in "Night Moves" which tells its story from the point of view of several young radical environmentalists. It is set several years after Night Moves and explores the potential future as if there were no checks and balances to prevent radicalism from morphing into extremism. The named characters in "Night Moves" are not named directly (don't own them in any way, shape, or form); however, the loose confederation that they belonged to and is often alluded to plays a prominent role._

* * *

 **Chapter 1**

"When the next rain comes no one will be able to tell the ground has even been disturbed," or at least that is what I told myself as I fitted the sod back together the best I could. I wasn't just bragging either; I'd made a rather neat job of it even if I was the only person around to witness it. Nana would be pleased. She was a neat and tidy kind of woman and she would appreciate the effort I had put into the job. Of course Nana was now buried underneath that sod so maybe I was just having a case of wishful thinking.

She wasn't even my Nana but that had never made a difference to either one of us. She loved me because I had been best friends with her grandson Jonathon and I loved the old lady because she was just about the only person besides my parents and my best friend that had treated me normal, like I was a real kid instead of someone that fate had played a joke on.

I missed Jonathon nearly as much as I missed my parents. I'd buried him too only a few days ago and not too many miles away. At another time I might have carried Nana's body back to that place so that they could be buried together, but not now. Someone who believed in ghosts and things like that might have been tempted to say that not carrying out that last act would have them haunting me … but I don't believe in ghosts. Let's be brutally honest; they're dead and the last thing they care about anymore is where their husks are, I'm not dead yet but going back the way I came could get me dead so it wasn't a choice I was willing to act on. I know they are already where this life's decisions have sent them so I have to have faith that if they are looking down they'd understand. I'm pretty sure they are both in Heaven but either way I can't do anything about what was between them and God. I have enough trouble dealing with my own confusing relationship with the Creator.

I sat down to rest and think. I needed to do both before going any further. Resting was the easy part. Even as big and strong as I am I was at the end of my rope from carrying first Jonathon and then Nana hoping to get to a place where we could find their medicine still in supply. It was either rest or fall flat on my face before too much longer that's why I'd had to stop in the first place, that and the fact that I wasn't used to the altitude. I don't care how big and strong you are, high altitudes will kick your backside if you aren't used to it.

Thinking about what to do next took a lot of effort and it was so frustrating that I decided to think about how I had gotten to this point before I trying to figure out what I needed to do next. It also seemed safer since it was stuff I couldn't change.

I crawled off to some bushes and set up camp even though it was practically the middle of the day. If I was going to be sitting around thinking about depressing things I at least wanted to do it out of the mid-day sun that seemed to suck what energy I had left out of me, along with the rest of my fluids. The things is I'm not very good at sitting still unless I have something to occupy my hands and my mind so while I took a look at the past my hands started dumping things out of the three packs that I'd been lugging around – three packs for three people – and started repacking everything into one backpack which had been mine to begin with. I was the biggest and strongest of the three of us so naturally I carried the biggest and heaviest of the packs.

When my mother had been pregnant with me she'd been put on prenatal vitamins like most pregnant women. No big deal. Or it shouldn't have been anyway. Unfortunately there are people in this world that are just plain psycho and a large batch of these prenatal vitamins had been tampered with in some kind of "Green War" terrorism designed to lower the number of kids that were getting born. But instead of causing miscarriages like the tampering was supposed to, though it did cause a few of those too, it instead affected the development of the babies in the womb. I was one of those babies.

They found out about the tampering when my mom was five months along with me. All the doctors told the women that they could abort the babies and start again as the prenatal vitamins didn't affect the mother. Mom and Dad told them they could stuff that where the sun don't shine. The rest of the moms and dads with babies like that were about fifty-fifty on the decision, it seemed to depend on how far along the mother was and how bad the "deformities" were. Mom was soft hearted about most things but any time that came up she would get mad enough to wither anything living within her blast zone. I was the only baby she and dad had and she said that I was a blessing and those other kids would have been too if their parents hadn't been such a bunch of cowardly murderers … or they could have given the kids to people who would raise them or something like that. Usually she was just growling and spitting and you couldn't understand her by the time she got that far. People learned real quick to not linger on that topic if Mom was within ear shot.

After all of us "Green War" babies were born – I wasn't the first or the last – testing showed that how challenged the kid was going to be in life depended a lot on any recessives they had running around in the family gene pool and at what point the mom had started taking the vitamins.

I was a bit of a surprise whoopsie so my mom didn't start taking the vitamins until the beginning of her second trimester and she hadn't been taking them all that long when a doctor somewhere realized what was happening after a bunch of women in his clinic started having weird kids way outside the normal ratio range.

None of us Green War babies had the same challenges. They even called us GWBs because that is about the only thing most of us had in common. If you were a GWB you were usually a muck up of all the recessives floating in your family genetics. That's not necessarily as bad as it sounds though for some of us kids it could be. Jonathon and I did OK with the flavors we got though there are days even now that I've learned to live with it that I still feel the need to give God a real piece of my mind over how unfair it feels at times. Other times I'm thanking him for the blessing of my problem. No one ever said life made sense.

Jonathon was small in a family full of big men and long tall women. He also had asthma and bad skin and had pale hair and pale eyes. In a family full of dark haired, dark eyed athletes and Varsity lettermen he stood out and not necessarily in a good way … more like the red headed step child everyone wondered about but no one had the courage to actually ask about out loud. What made it harder on him was that his three other siblings were exactly like the rest of his family … beautiful, popular, and except for a couple of them I'd met sometimes dumb as stumps. Jonathon was an intellectual and "sensitive" which got him a lot of abuse from his brothers (one older, one younger). His sister's friends adored him but as a friend, not as the kind of guy they'd ever take home to their parents or show off at the school dance; like a modern day Lord Byron without all of the private perversions and problems.

In other words, Jonathon would have been cool if he'd been born into any other family than the one he was born into. Or at least that's what I think. His family was just so weirded out by his differences from them that their attitude towards him affected other people's attitudes toward him. Jonathon had it harder in that respect than I did; only his Nana gave him complete acceptance for who he was. She once told me that it was actually her side of the family that Jonathon took after and she had been convinced that he was just going to be a late bloomer like her own father and brothers had been. Unfortunately they had all died in young adulthood which made Jonathon out to be a bit of a tragic figure for her … another bit of romanticism that the two of us used to roll our eyes at when no one was looking.

Me … I had the opposite problem that Jonathon had. I was big in a family of average sized people and my family tended to run the opposite direction in trying to make sure that I was totally accepted for who I was. I was more than a little spoiled by what was left of my small family. Jonathon never acted jealous of this but sometimes I wonder if he was.

Our families weren't the only differences between us. Last time I bothered to check I was 5'10" to his 5'2" but then again I've been that way since I was nine years old and being told how amazingly tall you are for your age gets really old really fast. When I was nine was the year they found the tumor that was causing all of my growth problems. In a way I saved my Dad's sister's life as after they figured out what was wrong with me they took a look at her health problems and discovered a miniscule benign tumor in her head too. She wasn't especially tall though she was way taller than some of the women in my family but she was a … well … a "big woman" if you catch my drift. That was cool, having my problems be useful in saving someone else, but it didn't change the fact that I was a bit of a freak. See not only was I tall but I was big and strong too … as in I belonged in a circus side show kind of deal.

Don't get me wrong, my parents hated when I said things like that. "Rocky Charbonneau! If I ever hear you say such things again you'll be grounded for life. Just because you are different …" blah, blah, blah, yada, yada, yada. My parents loved me and protected me the way parents are supposed to … even from myself when necessary. Now I'm the only one left that can protect me, and there are a lot worse things than words out there that will hurt me if I'm not careful.

I met Jonathon through one of those networking things they did that hooked up parents with challenged kids with other parents going through the same thing. A support group they called it. I was the only GWB that lived passed infancy in my corner of the state and the other GWBs in the rest of the state all had mental challenges of some sort in addition to any physical challenges. My parents wanted me to meet other GWBs that were "normal" if any of us could be called that. I actually liked the other GWBs nearest me but I was always afraid of breaking them or scaring them. I tend to scare people without meaning to and when I was little I didn't understand that I was strong enough that I could really hurt people when I was careless and just being a kid.

My home is in the south, on a farm, which pretty much made my life even easier. I fit in there if nowhere else and the animals sure didn't care if I was different and I was a big help to Dad who ran the family co-op. Dad figured I was the way I was for a reason and he was willing to wait for that reason to come to light. I wasn't as patient but I learned chores were as good a way as any to tire my body out enough that I didn't think about how different I was all the time. Lucky for me it turned out I was good at farm work whether it was something Dad gave me to do or chores Mom thought I should be doing to remind me who and what I was.

Jonathon lived on the West Coast way up in Washington State. For obvious reasons I fascinated Jonathon's parents and since they were wealthy and kind of didn't have too many responsibilities other than to look pretty and play sports they could travel a lot more than my parents did. Their family … all of them were kinda on the wealthy side though I didn't know how wealthy until after I had grown up a bit … took the pharmaceutical company to court and won a bunch of money they put into a trust for all of the GWBs. The Trust would sponsor camps over the summer so that the GWBs and their parents could get together and pretend we were normal for a little while. It wasn't as bad as I guess I'm making it sound, I'm just kind of cynical by nature and have a hard time seeing beyond how selfish and stupid people can really be in this life.

See, Jonathon's family needed a reason for him to be so different, something and someone to blame that they could attack on a regular basis so that they wouldn't have to deal with the real issues that kept him from being incorporated into their family better. He didn't have it near as good as me even though his parents were rich and powerful. I told that to my parents and it made my mom cry which made me feel bad but my dad, he understood.

After mom had gone to dry her eyes and get some dinner going Dad pulled me aside and said, "Rocky, you are going to need that insight and tough hide of yours to get through life. It isn't your fault that you are different but it is your responsibility to learn to live with it. On the other hand, you'll find it isn't always a blessing to see the truth of things … and people. And if you don't watch it you'll make yourself so hard that cynical is all you'll be left knowing and that would be a shame because there are some real good things and people in this world God gave us."

And that's why they let Jonathon and I get teamed up so much even though they weren't particularly what you would call fond of his family. Despite all of it Jonathon could see the good stuff. While his parents thought I'd toughen Jonathon up, my parents thought that Jonathon would be a good way to soften me up.

People used to call us Mutt and Jeff. If you looked at us we had absolutely nothing in common. Him small, me big. Him pale, me dark. Him weak, me strong. What people didn't see is that we both counted books better friends than people but neither one of us let that get out much. It freaked people out too much to find out we had good brains underneath our challenges. For some reason it made them feel bad and for all my cynicism I didn't like to make people feel bad. Jonathon said that when they could pretend our brains didn't work so well they could pretend we really didn't understand what was wrong with us. "For them to accept that we are at least as smart as they are would make them feel guilty. Sort of like survivor's guilt only about being 'normal' while we are different."

I told him that had to be the dumbest thing I'd ever heard. It wasn't their fault we were like we were … unless they supported the Green War that still was going on. The only thing they had to be responsible for was how they treated us now which was kind of annoying and embarrassing.

I remember him telling me, "Well, being dumb doesn't change it from being the truth. Most people are like sheep. They know what they know and that's all they want to know. Being responsible means they have to think. And thinking about stuff makes them uncomfortable so they avoid doing it. They'd rather believe in an easy lie than deal with hard truths."

I will say one thing for Jonathon's family … no, make that two … even if they didn't understand him they did care enough to make sure he had everything he needed to get through life – the best doctors, the best education, the best therapeutic equipment, the best of everything. It might have been guilt driving his parents to do it, but they never hesitated to see he had it. They also introduced me to football.

In football I finally found something that I could do that made me feel good about my strength. On the football field everyone was there to play and get knocked around. If you banged into someone, accident or not, they weren't going to accuse you of being too big, slow, or stupid to be allowed. And the game isn't just about moving a ball up and down a field either. People look at a lot of football players and think they are dumb but the good ones aren't … and the really good ones really aren't. It is a little bit like chess. You are making plays one at a time but with each of those plays you are trying to position yourself for another play so you have to keep several moves ahead of what is actually going on on the field. There is strategy to football that a lot of people don't give it credit for having. It isn't just your feet and hands that have to be nimble; your brain has to be nimble too.

Big problem. Big, big problem. It took a long time to get people to take me seriously about wanting to play and it wasn't until eighth grade that I finally got a chance to play with the big boys. They kept sticking me on these flag football teams where I spent as much time trying not to hurt the players as I did in trying not to outplay them so badly that the game wasn't fun for any of us.

It wasn't that I was a GWB although they tried to blame that in part. A doctor's note … several of them in fact … took that excuse away. It wasn't my size because by the time eighth grade rolled around some of the boys at least were as big as I was. Some people might have said it was my last name. Even the coaches had trouble spelling Charbonneau … some of them had trouble saying it too. My family was descended from a misplaced Cajun that had fallen in love with a farmer's only daughter. He had rescued her from kidnappers that had transported her far beyond her family's reach … or at least that is what family lore says. That was back before the Civil War so who knows for sure. But be that as it may we lived in a town of Smiths, Jones, and Jacksons that were suspicious of us even though my family had owned our farm before most of their ancestors had even migrated to the area during the colonial period. We were backwoods people from when the trees were still so thick you could barely walk between them and we were still pretty much backwoods people; the world had changed but us not so much.

Nope, it was my first name that caused most of the problems. The coach got so desperate he even called in his wife and sister to deal with it. We shared the same deep southern drawl but they played it for all it was worth where as I had always tried to reign mine in because it didn't go with my body. "But Rocky … Shuga … it just isn't done."

"Why not?" I asked.

"Well … Honey … look at you."

Trying not to mess up this last chance I said, "I am looking. I've looked at me in the mirror my whole life. I know what I am."

"Don't you think … well … football … it's so rough … and dirty. What is that going to do to your reputation?"

"What reputation would that be? Daddy and Momma would skin me alive if they thought I was out to get a reputation." I could be an imp when I wanted to. It wasn't just my body that was outsized, my mouth tended to run that direction too.

"Hmmmm," was the only response I got.

In the end I talked them around into supporting me having one … but only one … chance to prove myself. And boy did I prove myself. I thought the highschool coach that had been watching that practice was going to wet himself in glee … until I took my helmet off and he nearly swallowed his teeth.

The middle school football coach was more laconic having known who I was the whole time. He turned to Coach Jones and said, "Dan, good to see you. I see you've met Rocky before. Rocky, the gentleman beside him is Mr. Jackson from the school board. Mr. Jackson allow me to introduce you to my new defensive tackle, Rochelle Charbonneau, but everyone just calls her Rocky."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

At first it was harder for Coach to deal with me being a girl than it was for the guys I played with. All I needed to do was tackle the guys a couple of times and they learned real fast that I might be a girl but I was a girl who would hurt them if they underestimated me. In the end Coach wound up using me on the varsity team because the JV boys didn't seem to want to play with me after a while. I also noticed that Coach had to hide behind his sunglasses and clip board the first few times we scrimmaged. I worried that maybe I was doing something wrong but Dad laughed and said, "No honey. Just keep on doing what you're doing." So I did … and I loved it.

I can't explain the freedom that I experienced for the first time in my life. I was around people I didn't have to be so flaming careful with. On the field and during a game it was like I had been let out of prison. I could use my full strength and know for certain that the other guy was going to as well … well, at least he would if he wasn't stupid and wanting to eat turf salad.

As I got older I understood … and some of it was with Jonathon's help who was a spectator of life more than a player in it … that it wasn't the aggression and the release of it that I craved so much as the inclusion in something that was … that was … I guess that put me in a group that was also set apart, but because people admired them. And early on that is all I saw and all I felt. Eventually though I heard the adults whisper … steroids, freak of nature, and things that were a lot ruder still. The only time that I let it bother me, because I knew the truth, was when they tried to rag on my parents. I almost gave the sport up because I couldn't stand what they were saying.

But of all the people in the world I didn't expect to tell me to keep playing, it was my mother who almost forbid me to quit. "Rocky, I don't particularly like you playing football and you know it. You scare me to death when you are out there; you play so hard. But I also won't let anyone tell my little girl what she can and what she cannot do. Even I have to admit you are good and if this is something that God is going to use in your life, or just let you have for a time in your life, I won't stand in the way of it. I don't want you to ever let ignorant people stop you from doing something you feel called to do."

That was a little heavier than I'd ever thought about. I don't know if I felt called to play football, it was just a game and I loved playing. Giving up the game wouldn't hurt me so much as it was giving into the people who tried to stop me from playing that would.

My freshman year our team went to the play offs. They tried to keep me from playing and I had to do all of this drug testing and stuff. It was the first time I'd really heard the term hermaphrodite used in something other than mythology. They were a bunch of idiots. I am a girl … I am all girl … I just happen to be a big girl … I never have understood why some people get so freaked out by that. I found out that Jonathon's family put some pressure where it would hurt and threatened some lawsuits. I was so mad that I nearly quit again because of that but Jonathon talked me out of it. Apparently he saw me playing as some kind of win for all GWBs. When I found out some of the other kids saw it the same way I shut up. I didn't want them to let me play because I was a GWB and was owed something. I wanted to play because I could and because it was the fair thing to do.

Finally that controversy was over and things settled down and after the first game people stopped yapping so much. After the second playoff game they shut up all together. Coaches on the other teams would put their biggest guys up against me and at varsity level they were easily twice my size. But size doesn't count for everything. I got clocked pretty hard a few times but I never cried and just got up, spit the grass out of my mouth, and kept playing without complaint. If a better player had taken me I told people that it was just the opportunity to learn how to make me a better player. If a poorer player had taken me down then I deserved it and vowed not to let it happen again.

We were practicing for the third game in the playoff and the coach could see my game was off. An article in the newspaper had said some pretty raunchy things – all veiled in scientific terms of course – that had been so nasty people had tried to hide the paper from me but there was no chance of that because it got carried nationally. Some ignoramuses that called themselves "journalists" even tried to interview me but I blew them off as it was all just none of their business and my family didn't need the grief they were trying to create. I felt under a microscope like that chick from African must have that had tried for the Olympics.

Coach put up with it for maybe two seconds into practice before he'd had enough of my performance. When he called me on it, in front of God and everybody I blew a gasket and told them why I was angry. "People are so stupid! For some reason it seems a bigger deal that I'm playing a straight game and not crying to mommy when I get a bruise than the rest of the guys who are doing the doggone same thing! Why won't they just leave us alone and let us play?! They aren't nothing but a bunch of busy bodies that have forgotten how to wear their big girl panties. I swear, the adults whine and complain lots more than we do!" Then I went off in a sing song voice while swishing my hips to the other side after every sentence, "It's not fair. She's a girl. She'll distract our sons." Then I went back to my normal voice and posture and railed, "If their sons are too stupid to pay attention to the game then they deserve to lose. It ain't like I got a lot to show off and even if I did I sure wouldn't be showing it off to … to …" I'd finally caught a hold of my mouth and realized who I was talking to. "… well, I sure wouldn't be showing it off to idiots like that," I ended a lot more quietly, and a lot more embarrassed, than I had started.

"Are we through throwing our tantrum Charbonneau?" At my nod he continued. "Good." I flinched, waiting for the blast. You just didn't trust coach when he sounded all polite and stuff like that. "Now listen up ladies … your pardon Charbonneau …," I caught a couple of the guys trying to hide a grin and my eyes promised them pain during the next tackle drill. "This is exactly what those people want. They want to distract you. They want to take away your self confidence. You earned your way here but the works not over. You want the state championship then you are going to have to keep working, keep driving … and stop listening to idiots that have more time on their hands than sense!" He ended on a voice bigger than I could ever hope to get mine to be … ever. Coach could make a drill instructor shrivel up in envy. "Charbonneau, you are going to run laps until I say stop and then you are going to drop and give me fifty. I catch anyone else thinking they can mouth off on my field they'll be joining the queen here. Got it?!" I never could decide whether I loved that man or hated him.

We didn't win state that year but we came close. We got closer the year after that. My junior year we destroyed everything in our path, took state, and was in the running for high school national champions. We didn't get the title but the fact that our dinky little school from the middle of nowhere was ever in the running in the first place was an honor in and of itself. Then things changed.

Someone got to the people at the state level who made the rules. They couldn't penalize me for being a girl, oh no, not if they didn't want every libber in the world bearing down on them and burning them on a pyre of made of cast iron bras. They were also trying to avoid getting hung up in the courts over discrimination for like years and years. No they pulled the one card there was no way for me to fight against … insurance.

There'd been several deaths over the last couple of years, and more than a few serious injuries, of high school sports players that probably shouldn't have been playing if they'd really been given a thorough physical. And some of the deaths had nothing to do with playing and everything to do with what the players did off the field. Some of the injuries on the field were just … well, you play hard you get hurt and sometimes accidents happen … and sometimes really bad accidents happen. Insurance for schools with sports programs was a huge deal. I won't bother going into all of the crud of it but basically I was deemed too high risk because I was a GWB. Oh no, of course it wasn't that I was a girl, it was that the sport was so … well … dangerous and as a GWB I put the whole school's ability to get insurance at risk. Blah … blah … freaking … blah.

I was sidelined. Coach offered to let me stay on the team but I would be benched and that was probably more than he was supposed to have offered me. But I couldn't do it. It hurt. A lot. To be that close, to even wear the gear and uniform, but for what? I had noticed the guys were closing ranks, too worried that if they fought for me they'd be losing their own chances. There was never any chance of me playing at college and some of the guys were counting on sports scholarships to help them get in. I'd played with most of them since eighth grade and they were friends … at least on the field. How was I supposed to ask them to give all of that up for one girl when it could make a huge difference on whether they'd even get to go to college or not. My tuition was already taken care of and my grades were good, without sports some of them would never get a chance to do more than dig around trying to survive on minimum wage.

So when I cried it wasn't where anyone could see me. I didn't want anyone to feel sorry for me, not even my parents. Dad kept talking up how far I'd gone and how proud he was of me. Mom was just so relieved it made me sick, but I loved her so I just accepted it for what it was … the end to her fear that her one and only chickie would get drain bammaged or something. The only person I let see me cry was Jonathon. That was when I found out that I wasn't just one of the guys to Jonathon but a living, breathing girl … a real girl that he wasn't exactly averse to having as more than a friend. And wasn't that something strange to suddenly find out after so many years of friendship.

I spent the summer before and the first half of my senior year with something completely new to occupy what little bit of down time I had. Not that there was much down time. Everywhere I looked there were reminders that my childhood was ending and that adulthood was about to slam me face first into the concrete sidewalk of life. SATs, college applications, senior this and senior that with streamers and confetti to go along with it. Dad was also big into politics so as my eighteenth birthday approached he would talk my ear off about who I should vote for and why and lots of other stuff I tried to be interested in for his sake if not my own.

I did learn things. It seems while I was playing football the world had turned into a dangerous place. The Green War was getting all mixed up with the international movements of the "have's and have not's." It wasn't just about the environment any more. It wasn't just about the wee little animals being so much more important than humans ever could be. Some of these people really believed that humans were a disease of the planet and that everything would be better off if we were all eradicated. Now it was about who deserved to live and who didn't. Who deserved to have any wealth and who didn't. Who could prove that they were more deserving than everyone else. It was crazy.

Crazier still was that us GWBs were somehow an embarrassment to the Greenies and that we needed to be put down as mistakes that never should have been born in the first place. We were using up resources that should have been reserved for the … you got it, the deserving few.

All of this was going on in the background when it was time for the GWBs annual spring get together. This year it was planned for San Francisco and it was going to be a really big deal. It was always a big deal when we all got together but this was one of the few times we'd done it in a major city because it was usually a logistical nightmare … and expensive. But this year it was special. Those of us who still lived … and we lost a couple every year though the number was smaller every year as we beat the odds against us … were turning eighteen and this was supposed to be like a coming of age extravaganza for us all, both a celebration for those that had made it and a memorial for those that had not.

I'll never forget that week. It was amazing. On our last night we were having kind of a prom thing I guess you would call it, a formal affair and we all got dressed up. The biggest of my muscles from playing football for so long had softened a bit and I'd had to fight hard not to have it all turn into fat. Jonathon said I looked like an Amazon queen … and he really meant it as a compliment so I took it that way though it embarrassed the heck out of me that he'd said it in front of my parents. My mother smiled like she'd had an answer to prayer and my dad got that "I'm gonna get my shotgun" look that I'd seen on the faces of some of the other girls in school I knew.

I was dressed way more girly than I had ever dressed before. Not just girly but grown up woman kind of girly and I knew my dad wasn't too comfortable with the amount of skin I was showing. Heck I wasn't too comfortable with the amount of skin I was showing but when you are 5'10" with legs that were as long as some were tall there was a lot of skin to cover up. We couldn't find a formal long enough to reach the floor so I had to settle for an "evening frock" from a big and tall store. It managed to pretend that it wanted to cover my knees but it didn't quite make it. I wanted a longer dress but it seems if they put material into making a dress long they take it away from covering the top part of you. I'm not an easy customer preferring jeans and t-shirts or peasant skirts for Sunday morning church but what the hey … when in Rome and San Francisco was the most decadent and hedonistic place I had ever been. As weird as I felt the one shouldered, dark green and black patterned silk dress passed inspection.

I'd even let my mom talk me into doing something with my hair besides the one thick braid down my back that I normally left it in. It was the one girly thing that I'd never changed about myself even when I was a football player. Short hair would have been a pain to deal with under the helmet and despite it all I did want people to remember I was a girl. I would have looked like a dork with a pixie cut so I just braided the hair and used my pads to keep it under my jersey so no one could "accidentally" grab it.

I actually liked how I looked when it was all said and done but I was going to regret the get up and hair style before the night was over. And the shoes. Oh yeah, piling my feet into the size nine spikes was definitely a pain … it turned into a torture later.

Every time that night I'd tried to go to the ladies room there had been a line and after a while I was pretty desperate. I told my parents where I was going and my mother rolled her eyes and said good luck. Dad said be careful which was a kind of private joke between us because it would take a pretty hefty person to do me much harm. Some of my muscles weren't quite a big as they used to be but that didn't mean that I was some helpless pixie; I could still throw a bale of hay harder and further than many grown men. Those are the last words I had with my parents.

I asked the hotel concierge where a less … uh hmmm … busy ladies' powder room was and she smiled sympathetically and told me where it was located the floor above. I found it and finally was able to stop bouncing around nervously. Thankfully I was the only one there. I wasn't too eager to go back to the crowded hall and was doubly thankful I wasn't out in the hall when I heard what I thought was another rowdy party going on in the banquet all on this floor.

I was finally gearing myself to head back – and probably get an earful from my dad for taking so long – when the bathroom door flew open. Jonathon stood there with fear written all over his face, but he didn't stand there long. He catapulted into me and the stupid heels I was wearing didn't let me catch myself before we were both going down.

Anyone else I would probably decked and had off of me in less than a second but this was Jonathon. I was considering whether I should give him the benefit of the doubt or kill him fast or slow when I realized he was trying to cover me with his own body. And then there was a rumble I still have nightmares about.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

When the rumbling stopped the power was off and the emergency lights weren't coming on either. I couldn't see anything. It was dark as the inside of black cat. "Jonathon?!"

"Shhh!" he whispered frantically into my nose though I think he meant it to be my ear. "They might hear you!"

I'd had enough. No way at this late date was I going to play the shrinking violet type, not to mention I couldn't have pulled it off with the help of the best CG artist in the business. I sat up and Jonathon practically rolled off of me. Nana had been right, he was a late bloomer but he'd definitely started blooming. It had really shocked me when I had seen him for the first time since Thanksgiving break; he'd come to the farm while the rest of his family went to the Bahamas. Then he was still the boy I had known my whole life; now he had a mustache … well, not a real mustache of course but the dark fuzz that some guys get as their body hair starts to get coarse. And he was taller, much taller; he was only two inches shorter than me. But I still outweighed him and I could have hurt him bad if I hadn't reigned in my strength. Jonathon had the bones and build of a starving artist or poet … with the "soulful eyes" to complete the looks. A lot of girls had finally started to notice him and I didn't know whether to be happy for him or jealous. I had to resort to teasing him to cover my own discomfort but he merely looked at me with those peculiar pale and intent eyes of his and said, "None of them matter like you do."

I was way flattered by that but the depth of his feelings worried me because I knew I wasn't ready to return them … or whether I ever would. But that's not what I was thinking at that moment. I wanted to know what was happening and I wanted my parents, not necessarily in that order.

I felt him grab for me in the dark and I jumped as his hand went some place where it shouldn't. "Jonathon," I threatened warningly.

"Sorry," he muttered though it didn't sound especially like he was. "Stop going all Boudicca, there is a time to fight and a time to flee and right now we need to get our cans out of here before they find us."

I swatted at him with my dinky little clutch purse and whispered back at him, "Let me guess, Boudicca is one of those crazy female warriors you keep trying to compare me to. Well, knock it off. That kind of stuff isn't … you know … appropriate. And I'm not fleeing until I find my parents. They are probably worried sick. I …"

"Rocky …," he said and I didn't like the tone of his voice at all. It told me fear wasn't the only thing I had to fear.

"Shut up. I'm going to …"

Only years of habit stopped me from pushing him away hard when he got too close. I would have hurt him which would have been totally counterproductive. "Rocky … I'm … I'm sorry. They gassed the room. Nobody got out. When you didn't come back your dad sent me to look for you. Right as I was going up the stairs … the elevators were all busy … these guys ran in with guns and gas masks on. I stayed only long enough to … to … People started going crazy when they figured out what was going on and then those men came out and started throwing what looked like grenades only they made loud bangs and smoke instead of fire. That's when I ran up here to look for you and to stay away from the smoke. They were starting to …"

Then there was another explosion, only this one came from above us rattling the ceiling tiles. "What are they doing?!" I still hadn't dealt with what he had told me and wouldn't for a while yet.

"Sounds like they are hitting the rest of the banquet halls in the convention center now that their main target has been taken out; there were a bunch of political groups and some other professional associations having banquets here this weekend. The only reason that my parents were able to have the ground floor ball room was because they booked it last spring."

That reminded me of his parents and when I tried to find him in the dark I brushed against his face with my bare hand and it was wet. I didn't say anything; neither did he. I'd never bashed him for being "sensitive" and he'd never made fun of me for being … whatever it was that I was. It was like an unspoken law of our friendship. But the wetness let me know that his parents had probably suffered the same fate as mine. They liked the limelight; they never would have left the party, not while it was in full swing.

I told myself, "Think about it later." Then I turned where I imagined Jonathon still sat and asked, "You got a plan or do we come up with one together?"

"We can't go down, the gas or poison or whatever was escaping from the room as I was heading up the stair well and the hotel employees were starting to fall over. That means going up."

Then I smelled smoke. Jonathon immediately started to wheeze, his asthma kicking in big time. I knew how bad it could get for him so up it was, as fast as we could. It also meant that I would need to help him because if he started having a bad attack he wouldn't be getting anywhere under his own steam. I nearly broke my neck getting up and wanted to curse the stupid shoes I was wearing. Not only did they make me top six feet but pinched like a son of a gun. I put my hands on the door worrying that there was fire just outside but it was cool to the touch. I cracked the door open but could see nothing.

Cough. Wheeze. "Left …" Wheeze. Gasp. "Left … end …" Then I heard a couple of puffs which meant he still had his emergency inhaler.

"Don't try to talk, just tap and nudge. Remember Tuckaleechee Caverns?"

I felt him nod, remembering how the panic of a power outage had set off one of the worst asthma attacks I'd ever seen him have way back in grade school. Jonathon had an uncanny sense of direction, even in the dark two hundred feet down, and he was able to get us back to the main stairwell but only by nudging me and letting me bellow out to people when they started going the wrong direction.

So by his tapping and nudging we made it to what felt like a door with a metal push bar across it. The metal wasn't hot so I pushed through and found we were in a stairwell, but not the neat and decorated ones normally used by guests, this one felt like it was all cold stone and concrete. I made Jonathon sit down and lean against the wall. I tried going up but after only one flight of stairs the smoke was considerably worse and even I started coughing. I knew there was no way that Jonathon was going to make it that direction, not to mention that I didn't want to go up only to get caught in a fire. I had watched the _Towering Inferno_ on Netflix too many times to count. One of our favorite things was to watch disaster movies and laugh at the stupid things people did in them.

So I went down a flight after checking on Jonathon who was still wheezing and beginning to shake which he always did after a double puff from his inhaler. I took it slow, only a few steps at a time but I got to the landing with no problems and then realized where we were because I had gotten lost there on our original tour of the place. My family and I were staying in a different hotel several blocks away because even with the discount for our group we couldn't afford the rates in that part of town.

The door was the entrance from the employee parking level; I smelled that weird smell of car exhaust, fuel, and rubber that kind of hangs around enclosed parking garages. I experienced a bit of relief because I knew how to get us out of the building. I ran back up only to find that Jonathon had slumped over. There wasn't time to play nice. I kicked off the torture devices I was wearing on my feet and stuck them in his coat pockets along with my purse, then picked him up in a fireman's carry over my shoulder. "Man, don't you dare puke on me. That's the last thing we need right now."

Going down in the dark one step at a time was hard but I couldn't afford to take a tumble; one of us would surely break something on the bare concrete stairs. I pushed through the glass door and was nearly run over by a car speeding away.

"Down!"

Oh I put him down all right. I recognized the signs. I had to hold him up while he puked but luckily there was a handy trashcan and we didn't have to deal with backsplash.

"You through?"

He wheezed a couple of times and then whispered, "Yeah."

"Street level is up this way. Can you walk or …?"

"I'll walk," he snapped. He got a little cranky which I didn't blame him for. I don't care if someone is your best friend your whole life, having to have them carry you and hold you while you puke is embarrassing for a guy; the fact that your best friend is a girl only makes it worse.

I put my shoes back on because there was no way I was going to put my bare feet on ground around here. There were a lot of homeless people and other stuff I'd never seen back home piled up all over the city.

It was only slightly less dark outside but already we could hear sirens all over the city. "Jonathon, has the world gone crazy or what?! Where are the fire fighters, where are …? I have to go back in, my parents could still be …"

And for the first and only time Jonathon tried to hit me with a slap. I know he thought I was getting hysterical or something but I wasn't, I really wasn't no matter what it might have looked like. It surprised me so much I stopped dragging him back into the building.

"Listen to me Rocky. Your parents … my family … they're gone. I don't know what is going on, not yet, but we need to get some place where I can figure it out. And we definitely need to get out of here. They targeted us for some reason … us … the GWBs. Maybe it is the Greenies doing this. Maybe it is someone else using their cover. But we've got to get out of here. You … you kind of stand out. And you've been in the papers and stuff like that. I might be able to pass but no way are … you know …"

No kidding. I decided just like with everything else I'd cry about my parents when no one else could see me and then put my mad on. "Fine. We have to get out of here, at least for now. Where's your jeep?"

About that time a couple of drunks came out of the darkness and grabbed my arms. "Hey pretty … whoa … not so little lady? Got time for a sailor … or two?" the first one snickered.

I'd had it. I am not a violent person by nature despite my size. However, any female in their right mind doesn't like strange drunk guys putting their hands where they haven't been invited to put them.

Wham! I gut punched the talker sending him to his knees the other guy started backing away dragging his friend backwards and saying, "Told you it had to be a dude. Real women ain't built like that."

Jonathon turned weird and despite everything that was going on I almost smiled at the look he had on his face like he was about to take both of them on at once. I told him, "Forget it. They're idiots and I think they've learned their lesson. Let's just get to your jeep."

Like with everything else Jonathon's parents had bought him a car as soon as he was old enough to learn to start driving. When he actually got his license they offered to get him something else but he insisted on keeping the Jeep Gladiator; not to mention he'd tricked it out special and had all of the gremlins out of it by that point.

"Parking garage … across the street," he grumbled.

"Fine. Let's go. Wait, you've got your keys right?"

"Valet will have them of course," he said while he held his arm out to me like he was some kind of gentleman or something.

"Of course," I said while trying not to get irritated. Normally how wealthy Jonathon's family was didn't phase me, nor did his rich manners, but for some reason the whole casual mention of the valet thing hit me the wrong way. I barely gave him a chance to keep up. He was trotting and starting to wheeze while I just kept up with my ground eating stride.

When we got to the garage there was no valet in sight. Great.

"Uh … Rocky?" I turned to see Jonathon looking at something on the ground on the other side of the booth. I turned his "uh" into an "ugh." A couple of uniformed working stiffs, no pun intended, lay dead from gunshots to their heads. Whatever was going on the fewer witnesses the better apparently.

I wrenched open the booth door – if you have the strength you might as well use it when you need it – and asked Jonathon what his key ring looked like. He looked around me and grabbed a set of keys off a hook that told us where the car was supposed to be parked. It was up several floors and Jonathon didn't look like he was ready for any more stairs.

"Look, you stay here and figure out how to make sure those sharp things don't spring up and kill your tires. I'll drive the jeep down."

I could see he wanted to object but Jonathon had a practical side as well and didn't say a word as I toddled to the stair well and started to climb. I swore up and down that as soon as I got my boots back on they'd never leave my feet again. I didn't have any trouble finding the car or getting it down to Jonathon who had done his job with the tire strips, and we escaped. Even though it was his vehicle I drove and he navigated since he was still pretty green around the gills.

When I realized where we were going I asked, "Our hotel? Why?"

He gave me a look. "Your stuff is there."

Ooops. I told myself, "Rocky, find your brain girl. No way do you want to be caught in any kind of scrimmage wearing spiked heels and a short silk dress. You're not exactly a common size down at Ye Ole Wallyworld."

Suddenly I had to slam on the brakes and the jeep stalled as people started swarming into the street. "What the …?!" Good thing we were wearing our seatbelts or the way our luck was going we'd been thrown through the windshield. Driving in SF bit rancid boogers. I'd been driving tractors for a lot longer than the law allowed, and could even do a decent job on sharp inclines but the streets of San Francisco were absolutely beyond anything that I'd had to deal with on back top.

"You want me to drive?" Jonathon asked in a dry voice.

I gave him a nasty look in return and asked, "You want to walk?"

Our tiff was over as fast as it started. We never could stay mad at each other. And we both were old enough to know that most of the problem was that we were in shock over how bad things were going.

I told Jonathon, "All we need now is an earthquake."

"Shut … up," he replied in dead seriousness. "Something else it going on over there," he said pointing to where the people seemed to be coming from and the distant sound of gunfire reached our ears. "Rocky, you see that road in front of us? It's a field full of people that want to keep you from getting to the quarterback. Your hotel is the quarterback. Go get him."

I nearly called him a dork but he was also right even if he was treating me like a dumb jock … dumb jockette I mean … that just needed a little motivation. I almost made it without hurting anyone but then some crazy guy in a panic jumped out in front of us and I clipped him with the bumper sending him backwards into a FedEx mail box. I didn't stop. I consoled myself with the fact that I had at least been able to avoid running over his legs where they stuck out into the street.

We finally got to the hotel, normally within walking distance of where the dinner had been held but it took three times as long to get there. I nearly jumped the curb trying to parallel park too fast and then we ran into the lobby. Nobody paid us any attention; all eyes were glued to the TV behind the check in desk. We made it to the room I shared with my parents without further incident and when I saw their stuff is when I almost lost it again.

"Rocky?" I heard him ask.

"Don't. Not right now. No feelings. No sympathy. No compassion. Not if I expect to be able to stay in the game and play." I shook myself like a dog and told him, "Turn on the idiot box and try and get some idea of what is going on while I change."

I dumped my luggage open on the nearest bed and grabbed what I needed out of it and headed to the closet sized bathroom for a little privacy. The dress wasn't too bad but the shoes were toast which didn't hurt my feelings any at all. It was all rented finery so it wasn't my problem, they could keep the deposit and I'd leave it all here for them to collect if they had a mind to. After taking off my mother's jewelry which I carefully placed in the bag of toiletries I carried I slammed into my jeans, a t-shirt, and a flannel shirt after putting on more respectable under things than the frou-frou I had been forced to wear under the silk dress. My sports bra was a heck of a lot more comfortable than the strapless wonder I had been wearing that always left me feeling like it wouldn't be there when I needed it to be.

Thick socks and farm boots completed my ensemble and then I left the room to get to a mirror and do something with my hair. I took one look in the mirror and nearly started crying again. The careful make up my mother had helped me to apply was smeared all over my face and I looked like a clown in drag. I scrubbed what I could get rid of and then tackled my hair which was a sticky, stiff nightmare. My mother had used a whole tube of gel and two bottles of hair spray to get my "do" to stay where it was supposed to but not even concrete could have kept it in place during our escape. I'd first wrecked it up when Jonathon had knocked me to the floor in the bathroom and then sent it the rest of the way to Hades when I had carried him down the stairs. I know there was still some of my hair stuck in the buttons of his shirt.

All the while Jonathon kept up a nervous commentary letting me know what he'd found out. Seems it was the Greenies like he had thought but somehow or other they had formed some kind of alliance with the nutty Twelvers sect within the Shia brand of Islam that had control of a good slice of the Middle East. The Twelvers believed that if they killed hundreds of millions of people that it would precipitate the coming of their messiah who they call the Twelfth Imam. The Greenies believed that humans in general were a disease on the planet and wanted to get rid of hundreds of millions bring about their own brand of utopia. Great, two of the biggest bunch of nut cases in the world had gotten together and started to breed.

"I've got an idea where to go."

I looked at him and asked, "Yeah, to the police and tell them what we saw and make the suckers pay that hurt our families."

"No. We don't know who we can trust. They might separate us."

"We aren't kids anymore, we're eighteen. We might be orphans but the courts can't do that, not even here in California."

"Exactly. We aren't kids. They might put us some place as material witnesses or to protect us or something like that and not have to follow the same rules they have to with kids. You're supposed to be the cynical one here, what's the worst case scenario?"

It didn't take me more than a second to decide. "Check. Idiots are ruling the world right now. Treat them all as rabid animals until they can prove themselves otherwise. So what's your idea?"

"Nana. She won't ask questions and you know she'll do everything she can for us."

Right. I called her Nana just like Jonathon but she was actually the widow of Herringford Justinian Marshall Jr. and some kind of kin to half of the old money in this country but didn't act like it in the least. Even my parents liked her though she was a bit of an eccentric. Of course she could afford to be eccentric but that was beside the point … eccentric was what we needed and she had it, in plenty.

The problem was that she lived in this place called The Dalles in Oregon. "Rocky, we don't have a lot of time. Grab what you want to take while I clean out your parents' food stash. We'll need it 'cause I don't want to stop until we get to Nana's."

My mother was a neat freak so it didn't take long for me to grab what I thought would be useful. I also scribbled a note despite believing Jonathon. There was a small chance … it was all that I left myself. I didn't say where we were going just that I was with my best friend and why I had left. They were either in a place where they already knew or they'd understand, either way I'd covered the bases the best I could.

I grabbed my mom's big hair and makeup kit and dumped it out – the thing was the size of a piece of carry-on luggage – and then tossed it at Jonathon so he could put the food from the mini frig and bar into it. I tossed my clothes back into my duffel bag, grabbed my back pack and then remembered the safe in the closet. I quickly got into it and took out the remaining money and valuables in there, including the digital cameras.

I stood up and got a couple of folded towels in the face. "Better stuff these in there too in case we need them. I'll grab a blanket and a couple of pillows."

"That's stealing!"

Jonathon rolled his eyes. "Geez Rocky! The world is falling down around our ears and you're worried about paying the bills." When I gave him the evil eye he muttered, "Fine. I'll cover it if we get stopped all right? Now will you come on already."

No one stopped us. No one cared. There were a ton of people rushing around all over the place like chickens with their heads cut off and the hotel staff had their hands full with people screaming at them wanting to know what they were going to do about everything. And Jonathon thought I was being stupid.

We shoved everything in behind the seats and took off but it was slow going until we got to Mission Street. A right and a left got us onto I80 and heading towards Oakland. I heard Jonathon muttering and praying as he told me to bust the speed limit and get us out of there before things really blew up.

It took us an hour to I505 and then about half that time again to get onto I5 where we stayed until the sun came up. We'd made good time out of San Francisco but as people woke up to what was going on the roads went crazy. We outdistanced the worst of it by using the medians and other places that made the Gladiator worth its weight in gold. I also stopped being so flaming nice to people, it turned into a flight to survival and I was playing to win.

But by our exit to US97 I was strung out and Jonathon, who'd managed a little sleep, had to take over. Turns out he is a pretty good driver and knew just what to do to make the Gladiator do what he wanted it to. "Reach under the seat. You feel that compartment?"

"Yeah."

"Put my birthday into the punch button codes."

I heard a snap and pulled out … "Are … you … nuts?!" I was holding a padded bag that contained two very expensive and very deadly looking hand guns. "Not even saying what would have happened to you in a place like California for having these things concealed like that but your parents … man, do you have a death wish or something?! I've heard your mom on a tear about all of the guns in this country. She nearly fainted when she found out I went out shooting with Dad every chance I got."

"Don't be stupid Rocky. Who do you think bought the guns for me? You know how my mom is … was," he corrected himself. "The rules are for other people, not us." After another sigh he said, "We aren't the Kennedy's but my family isn't exactly bashful about some of the things they get into. My uncle does all of those high profile court cases too and my aunt is running for office again. Kidnappers love to threaten the kids of rich people. It's SOP these days. Body guards aren't just fashion accessories and this was the only way I could get my parents off my back." After pulling out of the way of someone who was driving over a hundred MPH and weaving all over the road he continued, "Besides I thought you liked hunting and stuff like that."

"I do … hunting for food, target practice, that sort of thing. These are for … they're for killing people."

"No kidding."

I had to look over at him to see if this was the same Jonathon that I had always known.

"I'm done being a target Rocky. I'm done being kicked around by the bigger kids. I've been done with it for a while. You never had to deal with that."

Miffed I retorted, "Oh no, I only had to put up with people thinking and acting like I would grind their bones to make my bread. You weren't always around when adults would jerk their kids back away from me like I was contagious or was some kind of monster."

He put his hand on my knee to comfort me I guess but I brushed it off and told him, "Keep your hands on the wheels … where I can see them at all times."

That made him grin; the blush covering my face when he glanced over made him grin bigger. Geesh, why did it always have to come down to guys being guys? I'd never really expected to have to have these kinds of problems and was at a loss as to what to do but Jonathon apparently felt like he'd made his point and turned all of his attention back to the road as we listened to the radio tell us what a nightmare the world was descending into and while I fought thinking about my parents.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

We stayed on US97 for around 275 miles. We pulled off and switched drivers again after a quick visit to nature's restroom … behind a vacant building. We changed drivers, got onto US197 and in just over an hour we were pulling through the gates of Nana's "country house." It was supposed to look like a rustic log cabin and for the most part did from the outside but once inside whoa buddy, there wasn't a thing rustic about it.

I was remembering the first time I'd been there when Jonathon said, "I hope she's here. That's what she said when I talked to her yesterday … I think it was yesterday … but Nana … well … you know."

I did know but as soon as she heard Jonathon's voice in the drive she burst out of the house and swallowed us both up whole in the kind of giant and fierce hug only a pint-sized woman can give. Unless you were blind you could tell where Jonathon got his looks from; it wasn't his fault the rest of his family were big as I was. I stood back while they got through their emotional reunion and then she ushered us into the house.

Things were bad. Really bad. The terrorist attacks in San Francisco were all over the news but the feds weren't confirming any particular attack or who was affected. Kind of like when an airplane is rumored to have gone down. The family gets in line to wait … and wait … and wait for confirmation of who was actually on the flight and who was not.

"No one came into work today and the few that were here I sent to their homes. I just couldn't handle their moaning and wailing when I thought I had … had … oh my boy, I'm so …" Nana stopped and got a hold of herself. "I don't need to tell you that we need to make plans and then find some place safer to be. The entire West Coast is going to be a nightmare. I've called my lawyer but she's running around trying to take care of her own affairs. They've grounded all airports so the private jet is out. My driver has disappeared. And this is just the beginning. It doesn't sound like anywhere is going to be safe from the chaos soon. Now listen up children, I want you to go get some sleep. No sass Jonathon love. I have some things to do and then we'll sit and have a committee meeting. And do please try and take a shower both of you while the water is still on. Jonathon, you take your room and show Rochelle to the lavender room please."

At any other time … well, maybe not. You just didn't tell Nana no. She was a petite woman that looked very fragile and played it to the hilt when it suited her; but, underneath it all she had the heart of a lion and the temperament of a mother bear. Too bad she was more fragile than she was willing to understand.

Going up the stairs I was too tired to even bother looking around. I'd seen it all before and didn't want to feel more uncomfortable than I already did. "Rocky you gonna be … you know … OK?"

I looked over at Jonathon, my best friend, and lied straight to his face. "Yeah."

He nodded and lied right back and said, "Yeah, me too."

After entering the room that I'd used the last time I was here I crawled out of my clothes and into the shower as I had been ordered to do and have been glad I took the time ever since because it was the last time I've felt really clean all the way to my skin. It took three hard washings to get all the gunk and sparkly stuff out of my hair and clean the rest of the makeup off my face. When I realized I had also scrubbed the last of my mother's perfume off I finally had to let myself cry. I'd grabbed my dad's cologne but had forgotten my mother's perfume. It was a special fragrance she made up herself and I knew I'd never be able to duplicate it … it was lost to me forever just like they were.

I wasn't a girly girl; life just hadn't allowed me to be built like that. I'd never be comfortable drinking tea from a dainty China cup or sitting on a little poof chair with spindly legs. Growing up none of the girl dolls had looked like me so I quickly lost interest in them preferring the outdoors and animals that didn't leave me feeling so different. But I never denied being a girl, or fought it or anything like that. Even when I was playing football all the time I still did things that showed I was a girl. I wore earrings, usually plain gold hoops. I wore makeup; just it didn't look like I was wearing makeup because I stuck with natural shades and a light hand. I had long hair; I just didn't get silly trying to style it into something other than what it wanted to be naturally. I worried about acne, my weight and figure just like the other girls … there was just more of me to worry about.

When I looked in the mirror after accepting that my parents were gone and so was my old life right along with most of the kids like me in the whole world, the eyes that looked back reminded me a whole lot of my grandmother before she had passed away. She'd outlived most of her kids, both her husbands, and a lot of the family in general. She'd learned to live with a lot of pain; I hadn't really understood what that meant until that moment. I laid down fully dressed figuring I wouldn't be able to sleep but I was wrong. I don't know how long I was asleep but it was still light when Nana burst into the room.

"I'm sorry dear but we have to go." Her words were calm and civilized but her eyes and mannerisms said something was bad wrong. I jumped up and stuffed my feet into my boots and ran out into the hall. Jonathon was coming out of his room as unnerved as I was.

Nana said, "I had hoped to have more time but we don't. A friend … it doesn't matter who so don't bother asking … called me. We need to get out of here … as in now children. Bring your luggage to the kitchen. I took the liberty of moving the jeep around back. We'll load from that side of the house."

I went back in the room and grabbed my two bags that were already re-packed due to the habits Mom had instilled in me over the years. I headed to the kitchen and had to stop in the doorway and stare. "Come in dear, don't dawdle. Help load these boxes into that excellent vehicle of Jonathon's." It wasn't the boxes I was staring at, it was the two mean looking rifles and half dozen hand guns laying on the breakfast table. "Rochelle dear … now." I heard that thread of steel and broke out of my trance.

I shook myself yet again and grabbed most of the boxes in just a couple of loads. "So helpful," Nana said admiringly.

Jonathon was the one asking the questions while we loaded. The boxes held food and equipment and went in the back. Maps were loaded in the front as were the guns that were hidden under some sleeping bags and pillows in the rear seats.

"Now will you please tell us what has you so spooked?" I finally asked, exasperated because Jonathon was dancing around it.

"Always so forthright," Nana said approvingly and a little briskly. "Children I want each of you to put these around your waists and under your clothes. Rochelle you'll need to adjust yours a little but it should work; your figure is beginning to come in nicely now that you've given up football."

Trying not to be outraged at having her avoid answering me yet again I grabbed what looked like a padded canvas belt that turned out to be surprisingly heavy. Jonathon acted like he knew what they were and at my raised eyebrow he said, "Money belt. Probably has coins in them." Nana patted his cheek and I knew he'd been right. It wasn't until was pulling my shirt back down after tying the belt that he thought to add, "Mostly silver but knowing Nana there are probably some gold in there as well." Good thing I wasn't a cussing kind of girl or I would have flung off a real string of them right then and there. "Get a grip Rocky," he said. "SOP in situations like this in case we get separated and need some cash to get us home."

I just shook my head at them both; it was like realizing my friends were some alien species from a totally different planet. I had a jar of coins at home I was saving to add to my college fund but the only gold my family had ever seen was the 14 carat variety in my mother's jewelry, most of which I had barely thought to save from the hotel room and the gold tooth my Uncle Joe had been buried with.

I didn't know what to say. In the end I didn't need to say anything because Jonathon asked, "Where is it you want to go Nana?"

Suddenly the old woman became all business. "My first goal is to get to Baker City. I have people that have left us some things at a drop point. By my calculations," she glanced at a paper in her hand. "It will take us nearly four hours at normal speeds and traffic. It is all interstate so I hope that we can accelerate that a little but I'm not counting on it. From there we are going to Boise."

"In Idaho?" he asked.

"Last time I checked," she said more impatiently that I had ever heard her before. "There is no time children; use the facilities and let us be gone from here. Rochelle, please drive as I need to discuss a few things with Jonathon."

I drove. It gave me something to do while Nana and Jonathon discussed family stuff, business, and what his place would be when "the dust settled." I still didn't know what had us running like scared rabbits but it didn't take an Einstein to figure it was something bad. It took every bit of four and a half hours to get to Baker City no matter how crazy I drove. For long stretches I simply whipped into the medians and dodged as many problems as I could. There were no cops to be seen. They were too busy taking care of the chaos that was spreading out from California in the big cities.

We pulled off the interstate and turned down a couple of streets until we got to a storage facility. A code opened the gate and we went down a few rows until we got to one of the smaller storage units. A key card opened the door and out came three duffle bags and several gas cans. We emptied two of the cans into the tanks of the Gladiator and stowed the remainder under the tarp that was over the boxes. Back onto I84 and three hours later we were in Boise, ID and I was so tired that I didn't know how much longer I could go.

I nudged Jonathon and he had to blink his eyes in the harsh morning light. I whispered, "I need to pull over and wash my face at least."

A tired sounding voice from the back said, "Yes dear, do pull over and find an open gas station if you can. We'll wash and use the facilities. Boise did you say?" She sighed. "I had hoped for better time but it obviously cannot be helped. Jonathon, you'll need to take over, we aren't far enough away yet."

"Far enough away for what?!" I asked finally getting upset passed my ability to be polite about it.

"I'll tell you when I'm sure Rochelle. We must continue on. I want to be as close to our final destination as we can before things implode."

"Mrs. Marshall," I said getting formal. "I've had too many bad surprises in too short a time. Jonathon and I aren't kids any more. We deserve to know what is going on … or at least what you think is going on."

"Take this exit and we'll fuel up and grab some type of fast food to go. As soon as we get back on the road I will do my best to explain."

Extremely frustrated but with no other real option I did as she suggested. When I came back out Jonathon had a McDonald's bag in his hand and was watching his grandmother disappear into a grocery store across the street. "Come on. We'll drive over there and see what she's up to."

Rush hour traffic made it time consuming to get across and when we pulled into the parking lot Nana was pushing a grocery cart out with a few bags in it. I looked in the bags that had been stuffed around my feet and saw the craziest assortment of stuff you could imagine. Vienna sausages, Spam, canned roast beef hash, a couple of bars of butter flavored Crisco, instant rice, bouillon cubes, instant soups, powdered drink mixes, cans of Cheese Whiz, chocolate bars, dried fruit, Fruit roll ups, bags of M-n-M's and Reece's Pieces, and several more bags of stuff like that. "What on earth?" I was beginning to be afraid the old lady had lost it.

"Yes, terrible stuff I know but I'm told that it should suit our purposes until we can get where we are going."

"Told by whom? And you promised to explain," I said daring her to put me off again.

"Your farm dear."

That made me sit up. "What?!"

"Oh, please don't use that loud voice Rochelle. It is distinctly unpleasant and my head is pounding. Yes, your farm. I sent some of my people out to secure the place and to tuck some supplies and a few odds and ends in there for us. It is the only location that currently makes sense."

Even Jonathon was beginning to give his grandmother the eye as he fought the horrible traffic along I84. "Jonathon, continue along here. I want to get passed Twin Falls. Get off at exit 182; there is a camp ground there where we are expected."

"Nana …"

She sighed. "I am not going senile though you may wish that I was. How can I say this and make you understand? Due to my deceased husband's business contacts I've stayed current with the state of things in this world. Even still I did not really believe things would come to the pass that they have. I made a few plans but nothing like I should have and now … but … but that cannot be changed at this late date. We always believe that there is sufficient time when there never is. A friend … highly placed in a security company … has been warning me over the last year that something was coming to a head. Jonathon, believe me, I did try and get your parents to listen to this person but in the end they would always go their own way. I'm sorry dear, perhaps if I had tried harder, truly believed myself what my friend was saying things may have turned out differently."

She composed herself once again before continuing. "The attack in San Francisco was not unexpected but it was far down the list of possible targets and everyone apparently thought it would be later this year before anything critical happened. Obviously 'everyone' was wrong. For whatever reason, the time table has been accelerated."

"The timetable for what?" Jonathon asked.

"It depends on who you are I suppose. The Twelvers will call it jihad to sanctify it. Those green idiots are calling it The Cleansing to justify and rationalize it. Other groups will call it nothing but an opportunity to strike while the iron is hot. I suspect the history books will merely call it the next world war. Now children, please do as I say. Some type of large scale attack is imminent. I'm not sure what it is but it scared my friend badly enough that it came through his voice and he is not a man that scares easily."

There wasn't much that could be said to that. Amazingly I did sleep and didn't wake up until we were bouncing along a road into a place called "Masterson's Campground." We were the only ones there it seemed and Nana asked for and received the most private site they offered.

"Rochelle …"

"Nana, please call me Rocky. It's … it's just more comfortable right now."

She looked at me and then patted my hand and said, "All right dear. Now, Jonathon has told me that you go camping with your family quite often so you should know how to set all of this up."

"You've … you've never been camping?" I asked beginning to wonder what we were getting into.

"Of course I have. My father had a cabin by the lake for years."

"Err … that's not the same as tent camping."

"Well … you're never too old to experience something new," she said too brightly. Oh brother. We were in trouble. Jonathon had only camped twice and one of those had been in our backyard. To keep myself from panicking I looked over the equipment. It was all never-out-of-the-package new but it was good stuff … just too much of it. To make a decent camp you didn't need a quarter of what she had packed. And thank goodness she'd picked up some of that stuff from the grocery store because the boxes of food was all Heater Meals, Mountain House junk, and exotic stuff I'd never seen or heard of. There was even a case of canned meats … buffalo, elk, rattlesnake, and alligator for pity sake; I closed that one back up real quick not even ready to think about it.

As Jonathon and I set up one of the tents I casually asked if she'd done her own shopping or had someone done it for her. "Oh I did," she trilled. "It was such a lark at the time. I loved going through the Cabela catalog and all of those others and picking out just everything I thought would be useful."

I thought to myself, "Lord save us from rich people with credit cards and an internet connection." I turned to find Nana and Jonathon making a mess of one of the larger camp stoves and told them that I'd do it if they'd clean out the vehicle, put the bedding into the tent, and then go down to the front gate and get us some wood for a fire in case we needed it. They both looked relieved and I fixed the stove so that it would actually work. I started a pot of hot water and then looked over what they'd picked out for us to eat. It was something called a grab-and-go sandwich. There was a box of four of them and the flavor was bacon and cheddar. I felt the acid crawling up my throat.

I'm a big girl with a big appetite with two people that didn't seem to get that problem. Not to mention I get cranky if I don't get my complete proteins, but at the same time I have to watch the fat and calories now that I'm not playing football regularly. It takes a lot of fuel to keep me going in proper working order. Luckily my metabolism was normal, some of the GWB kids ran extra hot and some ran extra cold which really complicated their nutritional and health issues. Jonathon's metabolism ran a little hotter than mine which was why he seemed so skinny all the time and extra thin as he'd been going through a growth spurt.

I put those sandwiches away and pulled out some of the rice and freeze dried pinto beans and threw together a passable pot of red beans and rice. It wasn't like Momma would have made it but it filled the spaces a heck of a lot better than those sandwiches would have. I fried some Spam to go with it and had a fun time trying hard not to laugh at their expressions when we all sat down to eat. They didn't complain though and by the end of the meal they seemed pleasantly surprised. Guess who was stuck with the cooking from there on out?

I was running on fumes despite having just eaten but there was clean up to do and that meant teaching them how to do it the right way and how to keep everything locked up where it wouldn't attract animals. Even a stupid tree rat can do a lot of damage to your food supplies if you leave it where they can get into it, especially if it is in soft sided packaging. I've had the little devil's crawl into my tied shut backpack to simply investigate the possibility that there was something inside that they could eat. You live, you learn … sometimes you learn the hard way.

It was mid-day but I needed sleep. Apparently I wasn't the only one. Jonathon asked, "Nana, is someone meeting us here or do you have something else in mind? I don't know about Rocky but I've got to get some sleep if we are going to get back on the road soon."

"I'm waiting on a phone call dear," she said pointing to the cell phone in her hand. "We'll wait here at least for the day so that you two children can get some rest. Don't forget to take your medicine before turning in."

I turned to look at Jonathon who was embarrassed. I mouthed, "What medicine?"

After we both got into the tent to get some sleep leaving the old lady to her thoughts and her phone calls he told me, "They didn't like how many inhalers I was going through. They put me on this one-a-day pill that is supposed to help with the asthma."

"Does it?" I asked curious since I knew what a bane it had always been for him.

"Sorta. Better than no inhaler but not as good as the inhaler is but it doesn't give me the shakes. I still keep the inhaler for emergencies."

That made me sit up real quick, "Your inhaler! How much do you have left? Does …"

"Easy Rocky, I always keep spares in the jeep and have my meds doubled up too. Nana already has another order waiting in a couple of different stops along the way in case I need them."

"Where did your grandmother learn about caching?"

"Learn about what?"

"Caching … storing supplies in different places in case you need them."

He thought about it a second. "Who knows? Does it really matter? I've got to sleep Rocky. You may be an Amazon Queen but … but …," a big yawn interrupted him. "But I'm not."

And neither was I despite him insisting on always calling me that. People always liked to rag on me because of my size but to be honest, after they killed the tumor I pretty much stopped growing height wise. I'd just been so much bigger than everyone else my age for so long that the reputation stuck. I was taller than most girls and average size for most guys, the difference was that I also had the bulk that a lot of tall people lacked and that made me seem taller than I actually was. I wasn't tall and skinny, I was all filled out and because my parents hadn't wanted me to have the same problem as my aunt I knew how to keep the "broad" part from turning into fat. The rest of the muscles were just … well … my proclivity towards sports and farm work. You didn't do either without building up layers on your body. In the last year as my body fat had gotten closer to "normal" rather than what a professional athlete would have and I started looking more female as well … less angles and more curves.

I was old enough to deal with the change and start enjoying it too. Which was one of the things that was making me uncomfortable with Jonathon. Our relationship was trying to change and Jonathon was trying to push it that direction faster; I wasn't sure that I was ready for it yet, but I also wasn't ready to lose his friendship over it either. I wasn't ready to do antyhing just to save his ego however so I made sure that his Nana's sleeping bag was firmly between us and after making sure that he wasn't trying to push me anymore I finally fell asleep.

I swear sleep has been hard to come by since San Francisco and that day was no exception. I've always been a light sleeper and a gasp from Nana outside the tent kicked my protective instincts in faster than I expected them to.

When she saw me out of the tent and looking around aggressively she hiccupped as she attempted to control a sob. "Oh … oh child … What have I gotten you two into? If I had only listened to him a few days sooner we could have all been tucked away and safe and my family would still be …" I didn't know what was wrong but I went over and sat down beside her on the picnic table after making sure that the threat wasn't anywhere in the woods around us.

"Nana, what's wrong?"

"Oh Rochelle … Rocky … I was on the phone with some friends and … oh it was horrible." She was crying quietly and I didn't know what to do. I stuck my head back in the tent and roused Jonathon who could sleep through anything and got him up to come help.

What he finally got out of her scared the bejeebers out of us. She'd been on the phone when she'd heard screaming and then the line go down. She finally reached another friend, business associate really, when he delivered the news that nearly every major high population center around the world was experiencing some type of major catastrophe. He wished her luck and then hung up and she had been sitting listening to the news ever since and had finally broken.

Bombs (dirty and clean), dam failures due to sabotage, fires, destruction of water treatment facilities, and the last which was what really shook her up was several places seemed to be experiencing some kind of fast moving infection that was causing people to drop like flies.

Suddenly the word "defense" started ringing in my ears and I told them, "We need to prepare a defensive position. The roads were bad before, they are going to be impossible now. Forget going any further until we have more news of where we can actually travel to safely. Jonathon, start filling all of our empty water containers. The hand pump is behind the tent, then cover the pump with one of those plastic bags from the grocery. I'm going down and getting some more firewood. Nana, help Jonathon please. When I come back we are going to have to secure all of our equipment more carefully. This campground may be empty now but it isn't far enough off the interstate for people to miss it if they are desperate for a place to park."

I walked down to the gate and didn't see the caretaker any place and the gate was already locked for the night. That was actually a good thing in my opinion. It did mean having to hope over the gate to get to the self-serve wood pile but I took every bit of bundled wood they had. It was crappy wood but it was still wood that I wouldn't have to chop with that pitiful hatchet that didn't feel much bigger than my dad's hammer. I borrowed the hand truck to haul all of the wood to our base camp and put it under a green tarp that I then hid even more with some brush that I asked Jonathon to collect. I took the other large forest colored tarp from the supplies and Jonathon and I draped it over the red and grey tent that stood out too much in my opinion. More brush hid the entrance to the pull-thru site. By that time it was dark and getting cold and Nana wasn't looking too good. Neither was Jonathon but he refused to go in the tent with her while I sat outside listening to the radio for more clues as to what was going on.

"See, you really are a female warrior. Look at you."

I gave him the squinty eye and told him to knock it off. "I don't know what I'm doing Jonathon and I know it even if you refuse to see it. Trying to stay out of the way and not get run over until we can put some travel plans together just makes sense."

"Sure it does but you thought of it first and put action to words before we did."

"Humph," I sounded back at him disgusted at his refusal to see what I was saying. "Things are really, really bad out there," I said pointing out to the world beyond our campsite. "They're gonna get worse before they get better. And until we find out what this disease is we aren't going anywhere. They say it hits the lungs hard. With your asthma and Nana's … what's that stuff … emphysema she has from being around her husband's smoking all those years neither one of you can afford to get whatever it is. And that means that even if anyone shows up here, and I have a feeling they might, you two need to stay away from people for a while."

"You could get it too."

"Sure I could but I doubt I'd get it quite as fast as you two and … look, any of us can get it but it would be a death sentence for you and Nana to get even a mild case. I'm not chancing it. Better safe than sorry. We are all going to be careful as much as we can. I ain't gonna risk getting it and giving it to you guys if I can help it."

"Ain't isn't a word," he said seriously.

"Stuff it Marshall," I said letting him know that I wasn't in the mood for him twisting my words and using them against me.

We sat there for a few minutes more but even with a fire going Jonathon got cold and didn't have any choice but to go get in his sleeping gear. I hadn't even started to feel the cold yet. Weather never had much of an effect on me one way or the other. I felt it all right but being used to working outside in all weather types I was more impervious to it than they were. Plus I had my flight jacket which pretty much gets me through the worst weather back home as long as I layer it.

Thinking that thought I pulled on my gloves and pulled up my hoodie sweat shirt that I was wearing underneath. It may have been March but in that part of Idaho it still averages temps in the 40s. Not too bad, assuming you were dressed for it and used to it. I was glad Mom had made me bring my gear on the trip. She hadn't been prophetic, just we had been told the weather in San Francisco was funny and could be warm one day and freeze your vital bits off the next if the wind kicked up. We'd experienced both and laughed about it and how glad Mom had packed the way she had. Thinking about that made me weak all over again and I had to stuff my grief back in a box and shove it in the furthest back corner of my head. My parents would understand and I at least know they had gone together. One would have been heartbrokenly miserable without the other.

I was dozing by the dying embers of the fire when I heard the first cars start crawling down the road in front of the campground. It was cold enough and far enough away from everything else that sound carried a good distance. I listened for a long time but I never did hear anyone messing with the gate and slowly went to sleep for real.

"Rocky Charbonneau, you did not sleep in this chair all night?!"

Nana about scared me to death with her sepulcher whisper right in my ear as the sun was coming over the trees. I just caught myself before falling over, chair and all. While I wasn't what you would call a morning person I woke up fast so was able to get my head on straight quickly and answer her without being grumpy.

"I'm fine. Really. The fire stayed warm a long time and I stayed up listening after I heard some cars on the gravel road down there," I said pointing towards the gate. "I'm going to the facilities and see if the caretaker is around and has any news. I'll fix breakfast when I come back."

"Never mind dear, we'll just eat some granola."

I rolled my eyes when she wasn't looking. A handful of granola, yeah, that would certainly get me through the day all right. But it wasn't worth pulling the stove out if I was the only one that was going to eat so after I got back I ate the granola, a banana that was too green to really enjoy, and some jerky. I could have had an apple but apples keep better than bananas and I was starting to get a bad feeling that Nana and Jonathon thought they knew more about getting by than they really did. I'd be thinking that more and more as time passed.

The caretaker never did come back and other people did show up but not many. The campground wasn't exactly easy to spot but it was off a hidden switchback up a gravel road some distance from the highway. There was a billboard for it … which is what sent people looking in the first place, but the directions were awful and usually it was the caretaker who flagged people down and showed them where to go when they started calling and hollering they couldn't find the place.

Not for the first time my size and appearance came in handy. That and the fact that I kind of stuck to the androgynous look. No one could figure out if I was a boy or a girl, especially as I kept my braid under my coat. Most of them leaned towards male when I borrowed the caretaker's ax and chainsaw and started cutting firewood for everyone. Using the name Rocky pretty much sealed it for them. They gave me a wide berth and I asked Nana and Jonathon to stay at the camp so as not to give away how many supplies we had.

The fact that I shot a feral pig in the first few days and butchered it where anyone could watch added to the invisible "do not disturb" sign that seemed to hang around my neck. Only one family didn't seem to be too put off by my appearance and that was because the dad looked even tougher than I did. We shared a sad laugh over people's first impressions but I left it to them to share out the pork that I didn't take up to our camp to cook up and to turn into jerky. Pork jerky didn't last near as long as beef and venison jerky but I was starving after only a few days of Nana-style menus and decided to take some things into my own hands.

A week went by like this. Most of the campers moved on as their supplies ran low trying to get someplace else before their fuel ran out as well. In the end the only folks left were those from our camp and an elderly couple that acted like I was a dangerous biker dude no matter what I did. I always made sure they had enough wood and even bagged them a few squirrels but I never bothered them; I guess they were just fraidy cats by nature or maybe life had made them that way. It didn't matter, even they left before two weeks went by without having ever said more than a half dozen words to me.

Not too many people had been in the campground but they'd created more trouble than I could have imagined. All of the bathrooms were disgusting and I wound up digging us a private latrine out in the woods away from camp and our water source. Wind blew trash everywhere and it took three days after the last car left before the dirty smell of unwashed bodies and cooking fires was completely gone.

Nana and Jonathon were both in a kind of … shock I guess you would call it. They got a little better after everyone else had gone and the ruckus had died down but I could tell they were still pretty crackly around the edges.

"Rocky, we've got to get out of here," Jonathon told me two days after the elderly couple had left.

"Yeah, but I'm not willing to get out in that mess out there, not yet. I've been looking at the maps and …"

"Rocky, I mean we really need to get out of here. Nana and I are running out of our medicines."

I looked up and looked at him. "I thought you said you had extra?"

"Yeah, but not the kind of extra I guess you were thinking we had. We need to get to the next stash. I've got a week and Nana has two but if it takes us a while to get there …"

"Where is it? Where's this stash supposed to be?"

"Someplace called Soda Springs."

I'd seen that on the road map and went back to check it out. "Jonathon, that's 175 miles from here by interstate and main roads. You've heard what the radio says; it's bumper to bumper and completely clogged with disabled vehicles. I'm not even sure how …" I stopped, took a deep breath and looked at the map again. "This sucks but if we have no choice we have no choice. Let's spend the rest of the day packing everything down and getting rid of every bit of packaging that we can. We'll burn it in the fire tonight. Is there any fuel in that stash coming up?"

I'd done the best I could but the remaining food was mostly freeze-dried hiking meals and junk food full of empty calories. The best of the lot as far as I was concerned was two buckets containing emergency food kits. The problem was that although it said there was "sixty servings" in each bucket when you added the calories up that was a big, fat lie. Sixty servings divided by three meals a day divided by three people meant that each bucket would last us barely a week … a slim week unless I could add stuff to it like I had up to this point.

I also got rid of most of the heavier redundant equipment. I kept all three stoves. One was a propane stove and we still had a couple of days of fuel for it. I also kept the two backpacking stoves because we had plenty of white fuel for them and if we were down to freeze dried stuff all we would need is to boil water anyway. I left the big crew size tent and just kept the three-man that we'd been sleeping in. I got rid of the air mattress and kept the light weight sleeping pads. When Nana asked me what on earth I was doing I told her, "We need to get the vehicle weight down to conserve gas. And worst case if we have to walk we …"

"Walk?!" they both asked shocked.

Like I said, the more time I spent with them the more I wondered just how prepared they really were to get through the rough times ahead. Dad had given me stuff to read and encouraged me to think about if stuff hit the fan but it had always been around the idea that we'd be at the farm. None of us had thought we'd be away from home when the world came to an end. If I was having a hard time processing it, I couldn't really imagine what was running through Jonathon and Nana's heads. And that worried me. I was a big girl but I … I was scared too. I didn't know anything about the mountains in front of us. They looked nothing at all like the ridges and valleys of the Smoky Mountains that I was used to. These mountains were beginning to close in around us and looked like they would be just as happy to chew you up and spit you out before they let you cross them.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

I didn't know whether to head out in the day time or the night time. The night time might have more people off the road and out of our way, or it might have the wrong kind of people on the road and getting in our way on purpose. The day time might mean more people but at least we would be able to see what was going on around us and in the end I suggested we take the day time because of this.

I'm not sure it would have mattered either way; it was a nightmare whichever way you looked at it. All along its length the interstate was a solid wall of misery. More than a few times people tried to force us to stop. Jonathon almost did at the first blockage until I slammed my foot over his that was luckily still on the accelerator rather than the brake. We zoomed past them at breakneck speed, Nana squawking in the backseat in alarm, clipping one of the cars in the way and pushing it into the crowd that was trying to keep us from getting through.

Jonathon started to light up at me as soon as he'd gotten passed his fear but I rounded on him and said, "Don't … ever … stop. Not for people like that. Barrel through, go around, run them down if you have to. Anyone that will stand in front of a vehicle traveling as fast as we were doesn't have anything to lose … and we sure as heck do. People like that are dangerous!"

"Rocky …"

"Do you know what could have happened back there Jonathon? They would maybe have just shot you but do you have any idea what they might have done to your grandmother and I? Or left us to be the victim of?"

He cleared his throat in denial. "No way Rocky. Look at you."

"Man you are driving me crazy! There are people in this world that don't care how big or how strong I am … all they see is girl meat. I'm not Super Girl or Wonder Woman or whoever you try and imagine me to be. I'm not Budicca or any of those Amazon warriors you are always talking about. I'm me Jonathon … just me. And if you think I'm somehow invincible then you are wrong. More than one or two people of any size and I'm going down, it is simple physics. What do you imagine will happen then?! This isn't the movies Jonathon … this is a nightmare!"

I didn't mean to yell at him, not exactly, but he'd scared me … scared me bad. Jonathon was always willing to imagine the good, I couldn't afford to anymore, not if I was going to get us all safely to the farm.

Looking back I still don't have any idea how I wound up in charge of that lunatic road trip we found ourselves on. I wish to God it had been someone else. Jonathon was smarter, plain fact. He may have been shorter and smaller than me but so were a lot of incredible leaders in history. Nana was older, had more experience, and she was the one that had outfitted us for the trip and had access to lots of money. If I had to guess I would say it was because at the time I was able to access the aggression we needed faster than they were. I wasn't jumping up and down looking to be the leader but I wanted to stay alive; I wanted all of us to stay alive and in one piece. And I wasn't willing to risk testing the charity and kindness of the crowds that lined the roads looking for a hand out or just to flat take what they had no right to.

As we wended our way east, jumping on and off the interstate to avoid complete blockages, I noticed that some stretches of the interstate were eerily silent despite all of the cars and trucks lining the sides of the road. I saw a few bodies here and there in these sections but that was about it. I checked on Nana and was going to ask her her thoughts but she seemed detached, like there was a barrier between her and what was going on. I imagine she'd had the same look on her face as she'd ridden in the back of endless numbers of limousines in her lifetime.

I took over from Jonathon along one of these ghost stretches. He was shaking like a leaf and I noticed the symptoms that were a prelude to an asthma attack, the kind brought on by stress. It got better after I took over and it was easier if I drove the rest of the nerve wracking day. It took us from dawn until right before sundown to get to the Soda Springs area; all day to travel 175 miles, something that in normal times would have taken three hours max. But as bad as that day had been the night was worse.

"They promised that it would be here. They promised," Nana said in a shocked voice.

Whoever they were they'd broken their promise. Or come back for it later themselves. It made me worry about the farm but there wasn't a thing I could do about it. I wish she'd never told anyone where it was. We couldn't even make a phone call to check on things because the cell phone lines weren't working. All you could get was that stupid recording that all lines were busy, try back later. Texts weren't even going through, even if you could find a signal. Nana's phone was an expensive satellite phone but even that wasn't letting any calls through.

I told her, "Maybe it was here but someone came along and … confiscated it or something. Several of these storage rooms look like someone has tampered with them."

"Nice of you to try and comfort me dear but let's face it, I've been swindled, and of no small amount of money. Luckily for us I'm not quite the batty old broad that I sometimes appear." We drove a couple of rows over and to another storage garage. This one had been broken into as well and almost everything taken but all Nana and Jonathon seemed to care about was that there were a few of their pills scattered about from smashed pill bottles. They were upbeat over the find despite only being able to salvage a couple of day's worth. To them it was better than nothing. I was feeling more like the glass was half empty instead.

I rolled the Gladiator into the largest storage garage at the back of the lot and we slept in the bed of the vehicle after rearranging some of our supplies. In the middle of the night Nana woke up gasping for air scaring the crap out of both Jonathon and I. After it was all over she looked a little gray in the face but by morning she was completely better.

"My goodness I haven't had an attack like that in years. Now stop fussing children. We need to get on the road. Our next goal should be Laramie … yes Jonathon as in Laramie, Wyoming … and we have no time to waste."

But we weren't going anywhere. The jeep wouldn't start, not even the lights or radio. I thought the battery was shot for some reason and had it in mind to go down the street to sweep a battery from an abandoned car. But then Jonathon and Nana noticed that their watches weren't working. I hadn't noticed because all I had was an old Timex wind up thing that was older than I was which I got at a our school's white elephant sale. Jonathon got a funny look on his face but I didn't get it.

"Rocky, see if the portable radio works."

To my surprise it didn't.

"Nana, what about .. about your phone, does it light up or anything?"

Nope.

He stuttered in a voice that was so raspy it almost hurt to listen to, "I … I think … I think we have bigger problems to think about."

It wasn't that I didn't know what an EMP was, just that I didn't really understand what it did in full. When Jonathon finished explaining I excused myself to go to the bathroom and spent a good five minutes puking my guts up. Suddenly my job of getting us home had gotten a lot harder and a lot more dangerous. I wasn't sure if an 18 year old girl was up to it or not.

Jonathon was waiting for me when I came out of the port-o-potty. "What are we going to do Rocky?"

I wished that he had waited just a little longer to ask that, given me time to gain some additional composure but he didn't and I couldn't hold it against him. "What we have to," I answered him.

"What does that mean?"

"The truth is I'm not sure yet and the answer could change as we go along. First thing we are going to do is prepare the backpacks. It is going to take me all day probably to figure out what you two are capable of carrying and how much that is going to leave me to carry."

The only thing I could put in Nana's pack was her clothing and toiletries and the lightest of the freeze dried food then her sleeping back and sleeping pad. Jonathon could carry more but even after he was as loaded as he could stand that still left me carrying a pack that weighed nearly a hundred pounds. I couldn't do it, there was just no way. I could have done it for a while, maybe even a few miles but no way could I do it for an extended period, day in and day out. I took it off and looked at Jonathon. "We are going to have to skip the three-man tent and take one of the smaller ones. I know they are only meant for one or two people but if it gets cold we'll appreciate the closeness and if it gets hot I'll sleep outside the tent in some mosquito netting. It's the only way."

Jonathon looked troubled and then said, "I'm sorry Rocky."

"For what?" I asked him, confused.

"For … for not being able to carry more. For … everything … waiting so long to tell you that I like you … lots of stuff."

Morale was slipping and Jonathon was going all "sensitive" and deep and we couldn't afford it. What I told him wasn't strictly the truth but it wasn't exactly a lie either. "You carry more than you know Jonathon. You can't carry any of this stuff and the stuff Nana can't too. Helping her is a big load off my shoulders."

I think he knew I was schmoozing him a bit but he let me and the moment passed. That night by the fire I looked at how far it was to Laramie and blanched. The most direct route was four hundred miles no matter how you cut it. It wasn't the miles so much that worried me, although that was part of it, it was the terrain we would be going through. We were going to have to cross the Continental Divide on foot and that meant an altitude gain of almost 1800 feet in who knows what conditions.

I decided that instead of trying to think about the whole trip in one big bite I would start with the first leg which be to Montpelier, Idaho. It was just a little town of 3,000 souls at the intersection of Highways 30 and 89 and about its only claim to fame was that the Butch Cassidy gang robbed a bank there … or at least according to the AAA book. The problem was that it was 30 miles away from Soda Springs with nothing much between us and it. I had no idea how far Jonathon and Nana would be able to walk in a single day. I would have had trouble doing it in a single day, especially with the pack I was carrying, so I knew we were going to have to sleep on the road at least one night.

It took three. No matter what I did we were lucky to make ten miles a day and they were usually so exhausted by the end of the day that all they wanted to do was crawl in the tent and sleep. I let them because it gave me quiet time to think. There were cars here and there along Highway 30 but not many and they were all abandoned and most of them were stripped of anything useful as well. We saw the occasionally body, obviously a victim of violence, but none of us wanted to think about that too hard.

The first two-thirds of the leg was all uphill until we came to this little dot on the map called Georgetown. The town was dead and I mean that literally. Something or someone had come through and destroyed most everything there was to be seen of the town which wasn't much. The sign on the highway said population 538 but I would not have thought a fifth of that from the look of things. It was eerily quiet and after finding a dozen dead bodies in one of the buildings on the side of the road I got us out of there rather than using any of the structures to hole up for the night. We pushed through Montpelier the same way. It felt like eyes were boring into my back for a long time after we put the town behind us.

That night Nana had another attack. It was a bad one. As I was helping her outside the tent to try and get some air I noticed the top of a bad scar. She noticed me noticing and when we got far enough away from Jonathon she explained.

"I have a pacemaker dear. Or should I say had. I don't need it all the time, it was only to kick in when my heart was acting abnormal and needed a little help. I'm beginning to think that perhaps the EMP affected … well, you can imagine what I'm thinking. My medication should help but we must get to the next stash as soon as possible … or find some along the way … or I'll become quite useless and a burden."

All of the food we'd been eating had come out of her pack so it was as light as I could make it. I was also worried about Jonathon. He'd started wheezing. It was the elevation. We were at about 6000 feet give or take a few and none of us was used to it. The wind and lack of humidity sucked the fluids right out of us and I was having a hard time finding water that was clear enough to run through the Katadyne filter. I also had to keep reminding both of them to drink. Their excuse was that they were not hot or sweating; it was a running battle that I felt like I was losing.

After resting an extra day outside of Montpelier we took off for a dot on the map known as Harer, Idaho. There was supposed to be a town there but you could have fooled me; I saw nothing. I kept hoping against commonsense that I'd find some help but none materialized. The next town was called Cokeville, Wyoming and I was hanging my prayers that there would be something there.

Two days and twenty miles later I thought we were doing pretty well but Cokeville was a bust. Everything had been ransacked and there'd been a fire in this restaurant called Blondie's. The two motels in town were trashed and no one was around. I locked Jonathon and Nana in one of the rooms at the Hideout Motel and went to see what I could find.

Basically a big, fat nothing. The BS Stop and the Flying J looked like they had been mobbed. I picked up a few things but nothing that would come close to replacing the medicines my two traveling companions so desperately needed. I did manage to pocket some energy pills and a couple of bottles of vitamins but everything else we already had or didn't need. There wasn't a scrap of food in any of the buildings I went into.

When I got back to the motel it was to find that Jonathon had had an asthma attack. He said he was OK but he didn't look it. The next morning I suggested we stay another night since we had a roof over our heads but neither one could settle to the idea; they seemed too intent on going on and getting to this magic stash of medicine that I was beginning to wonder would even be there when we did finally make it to Fort Bridger which was apparently where the next one was supposed to be in some locker in the rest area there. I wish I had made them stay. It might not have made a difference but then again I'll never know for certain. In the middle of that day I actually had to put him on my back and carry him a few miles. There was no place to camp safely.

A day out and we were in the middle of nowhere. We wouldn't make another dot on the map until we reached this place called Fossil outside of Fossil Butte National Monument and that was still a hundred miles away. I prayed to God that Jonathon would pull it together and that the asthma would stay away and the next day it was like Jonathon didn't even have asthma and all three of us slipped into a goofy mood, probably just to escape the fear that gnawed at us constantly.

That night I made camp well off the road and I'm glad I did. A party of about a hundred people came walking along the road. They stopped not too far from where we were camped and I heard a lot of talking as I hid in the bushes observing them.

They were a refugee party though I couldn't tell from exactly where. They were being led but a small group of militia men, trying to get them to the same place we were ultimately heading which was outside of Laramie. They had one guy leading them that was just huge, nearly a head taller than I was but like me he wasn't the tall and thin type but just plain big … not fat, just big. He didn't look too happy or friendly. I heard a couple of the women saying that he'd beat a man for rape and left him for dead the previous day. Another woman said there were a couple of men in the group they wouldn't mind if that happened to as they were very rough customers.

I was just thinking of asking if we could join them when this big guy starts talking and telling people that they were too slow … only fifteen miles per day would have them starving on the road and if they wanted to walk under the protection of …. I missed that part as the wind blew the sound away from me … then they had better get a move on and stop complaining. He was done with everyone's belly aching, they could keep up or get left behind it didn't matter to him one way or the other.

I knew that there was no way I could ask Jonathon and Nana to go faster. They barely made the ten miles per day that I pushed them to. The refugee party left and I watched them until they were beyond my line of sight. That night Jonathon had another asthma attack. I thought at first everything would be OK just like always but something went wrong. I held him and tried to help but … he just stopped breathing. Just like that. I gave him CPR and after a while he did start breathing again but he didn't seem to want to wake up properly from that point forward.

I knew I needed to get him medical help and I kicked myself for letting that refugee party get away. I thought, if we can just catch up with them then there would be someone who knew what to do. I fixed a sling that helped me to carry Jonathon and my pack too. My muscles were coming back and desperation also gave me strength I didn't know I had. For two days we travelled like this and the second day we even made a full twelve miles before I had to stop for Nana's sake.

That night it happened. He just stopped breathing again, almost without notice. Nothing I did could make him start up again. I tried CPR, I tried cussing and swearing, I tried crying out to God to please help … I guess it was just his time. My best friend … I can't put it into words; there aren't words for it. And trying to deal with Nana … there will never be words for it. I wanted to howl like a wild animal but even that wouldn't have bled off but a microportion of how badly I was hurting.

We buried Jonathon the best way we could. The ground didn't want to cooperate. It was rocky and full of roots and my strength had deserted me. I got him three feet down and I was lucky to do that. I piled all the loose rock I could find over the top and asked God to please keep the animals away and if he wouldn't do that to at least keep those thoughts out of my head and Nana's.

We only walked a couple of miles in the remainder of that day because we'd barely survived a rockslide. I all but shook my fist at God asking Him what the big idea was, that the day had already been horrific enough without the special effects. Worse was to come.

I was setting up the tent when Nana had another attack. The next morning it was like she had given up. I broke camp and hefted her onto my back and carried her the same way that I'd carried Jonathon but she didn't seem to want to be helped. She fought me with what little bit of strength she had. I sat up with her all night but she just slipped away without a single word, almost like she'd resented the last bit of help that I'd been trying to give her. Both of them had been right there, in my arms and they'd never said good bye.

So this morning I buried her. I could have carried her back to where Jonathon was laid but that slide made things too hazardous and I figured that though their physical bodies weren't in the same location, their souls were and I needed to be satisfied with the bigger picture than concerned about my earthly heartbreak.

I've repacked my backpack. It isn't as heavy as it was before. What little bit of food I added to my pack was offset by the fact that I got rid of the tent. I couldn't use any of their clothes so I'm leaving that by the road with the tent and I really hope someone can use it; it's quality stuff, just more of a burden for me than a blessing.

I've also come to a decision not everyone would understand or agree with. Amazon queens only exist in mythology. Budicca and all of those other heroines of ancient history are dust. And it is crazy for a female to try and travel alone. I'm going to try and catch up with that refugee party. There is safety in numbers. But I won't be joining it as a girl.

I've already cut my braid off and trimmed the ragged sections up. I hate it, it looks so butch. I haven't been wearing my earrings so my pierced ears don't show too much. The one even looks like a freckle and the other … well lots of guys have one earring these days. My voice is fairly low and mellow for a girl and I figure I'll just rough it up a little when I have to and not talk much at all unless forced to. If I keep my game face on I hope to be able to pass … or at least keep people too embarrassed to ask. It'll be the same as it always has been only this time I'm going to play it up a bit.

The only trouble I'm having is my chest. I'm not well endowed in that department but I'm not exactly flat either. I tore one of Jonathon's shirts and I pancaked myself the best I could. Multiple layers of shirts and a jacket should help for a while and hopefully by the time it warms up enough that the jacket is too much I'll be in a place I can make the decision whether to move on or come out.

Since it is just me I'm going to see how hard and far I can push myself starting tomorrow. God help me and keep me safe but I just don't see any other thing I can do right now. Home is looking farther and farther away every time I open the map.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

It took me three days to catch sight of the refugee group and its size had nearly doubled. They were camped outside the town of Fossil and I found out they'd been there for as long as I had been intentionally tracking them. I made an average of eighteen hard miles per day hiking on those three days and it had given me time to distance myself from the pain and step into the persona I'd created for myself. I was also prepared to spend some of those coins from the money belt to buy my way in but it never an issue so I kept their existence to myself.

I was hiding behind a building that flanked the entrance to Fossil Butte National Monument when I heard a noise behind me. I turned and found myself facing the big guy I'd seen giving orders several days before. He didn't look any friendlier than he had from a distance, if anything less so, especially now that he had a rifle held casually in my direction.

Something in my eyes must have given me away. "You look too much like you recognize me. How long you been tracking us boy?"

I was too worried to feel triumphant that my disguise was working. I'd promised myself to stick with the truth when I could. "Nearly a week. You passed us on a narrow stretch of the highway. You were complaining about only making fifteen miles a day."

He looked at me hard and then asked threateningly, "Who's 'us'?"

"My best friend and his grandmother," my voice breaking despite my best effort.

He showed no signs of hearing it. "Where are they now?"

I wasn't as prepared as I thought. I couldn't seem to push the answer out. The big guy grabbed my shirt front and actually lifted me off my toes, no small feat of strength. "I asked you a question punk."

I refused to cry or blink and I did my best not to fight back; this guy could squash me like a bug. "They ran out of medicines they needed. Nana's pacemaker stopped working the night of the EMP and Jonathon's asthma just … just … get off me already," finally snarling and nearly messing up my own plans. When he wouldn't let go I said, "They're gone. I don't … I'm not from around here. I was just looking to hook up until I can get through these mountains. All you had to say was no mister. I'm not looking for trouble."

He let go suddenly and stepped back, I imagined seeming a little surprised when I didn't stumble because of it. "Not my call anymore. We ran into some federal monkeys that took over running the circus."

His accent and phrases sounded like a bit of home out here in the middle of nowhere. "Sounds like a warning. You saying I should just keep going, that there's nothing for me here?"

He kept staring at me and then said, "Nah. Safety in numbers and they've managed to rig a few working vehicles. They've got food too … of a sort anyway. Just don't believe all the promises they're making. And don't expect a free ride either. They accept you in, you'll pull your weight." The last was said with a smirk while he looked me over.

"Not a problem," I replied though I wanted to find something that would wipe the look off his face. I bent down, hefted my pack and the rifle I had chosen to carry. Its mate was broken down inside the pack since trying to carry more than one rifle was too awkward.

People stared as he escorted me into camp. Out of the blue I saw a football barreling our way and instincts took over. I caught it one-handed before it could disrupt some ladies who were tending some very young children and then tossed it back to the boys who had been punting it back and forth. "Top of the foot, not the toe. Work on accuracy first then distance."

We continued walking towards a large tent set apart from all the others. "You play?"

"In high school," I admitted.

"That ain't so long ago as you're making it sound," he chuffed.

"I am … was … a senior. I'm eighteen."

"Bull. You may be a big kid but I can barely see the peach fuzz. No way you're old enough to shave yet."

Crud. "Believe what you want. The men in my family just aren't hairy." At his continued skepticism I blurted, "Look, I got big early so they put me on some medicine that slowed stuff down. Not having whiskers at eighteen doesn't make me weird." It was the truth but I was still embarrassed and I felt my ears grow hot.

That got me another hard look. "Boy, I know you're lying about something but … that's the truth and I can see it. You keep telling me the truth and there won't be problems."

There wasn't time for him to interrogate me more because we'd reached the check-in station. He was called away and I was left talking to a woman that took herself way too serious. After agreeing that I could join their "refugee caravan" she asked me for some personal data starting with my social security number. I'd been playing slow for her benefit now I decided was a good time to compound it.

"I don't know what it is. My mom always did all that stuff."

"What stuff?" she asked.

I shrugged. "Putting the numbers in."

"Putting the numbers in what?" she asked like I was giving her a hard time on purpose.

"Papers when people asked for the numbers."

Since this wasn't the first time I'd talked her in a circle her patience was wearing thin. She pinched the bridge of her nose and said, "Fine. We'll leave that place blank until we can get back online. Now what's your proper name?"

"Rocky Charbonneau."

She gave me a strange look. "Not your nick name."

"My nickname is Cajun," I told her with a goofy grin.

"So you're Cajun?" she asked, her hand hovering over a section on ethnicity.

My face turned confused. "No."

"No?" she asked, her turn to be confused.

I shrugged. "Uh uh, people just thought I was 'cause of my last name."

She sighed deeply and looked up to the heavens like she was seeking guidance. "Let's try this again. What was the name you were born with?"

"I done told ya, Rocky Charbonneau."

She rolled her eyes. "No one names their child Rocky."

I let my mouth hang open like I was surprised at her opinion. "Sure they do." Right as she'd opened her mouth to deny it again I said, "Dad liked the movies a lot."

She ground out, "Fine. What is your middle name?"

"Ain't got one. Daddy didn't want his kids to get uppity."

She had that now-we-are-getting-somewhere-look on her face and leaned in. "So you have siblings?"

"Naw. There's just me."

She was about to explode. She carefully closed the laptop she'd been typing on but the way she did it made it as good as a slam. Her chair flew back when she stood up. She looked like she wanted to say something to me but then turned and bellowed, "Thor!"

The big guy who'd brought me in stepped from behind a boulder and she told him, "This … one … is … yours." She was so near melt down that while there was sound coming from her mouth, her lips and teeth were barely moving.

I tried to keep a straight face while Thor stood there and just looked at me. He finally jerked his head and I followed. As we walked away he asked, "Rocky really your name?"

"It's what people have called me my whole life," I said giving him a non-answer and then asking a question of my own. "Is Thor really your name?"

"That's what they call me. You really as slow as you played at?"

"Me? Slow? I thought it was her. She kept asking the dumbest questions."

There was a raspy sound coming from him that I took to be a rusty laugh. He looked at me, looked forward, and then suddenly jerked his head to look at me again. He shook his head then asked, "When's the last time you ate?"

"I'm good." A hard, swift forearm bent me backwards hard across a piece of rock as high as a kitchen table. "Don't smart mouth me boy. I asked you a question. I better get a straight and honest answer."

I looked him straight in the eye giving him the same look I'd given the opposing team players when they tried to use their size to intimidate me. "This morning," I told him in a bored voice that caught him off guard.

He backed off and let me up. "You want to watch that mouth." I didn't answer him. I didn't know what he was playing at. The worst that could have been said of my answer was that it was incomplete; it wasn't the sass he was trying to make it out to be. He didn't have the feeling of being a natural born bully either which only made his actions more of a mystery. I would have ignored it if I could have but it was too soon to say if he was going to turn into a problem for me or not.

He started walking like nothing had happened. "Two meals are planned; one before we break camp and one after we stop for the day. Anything else you provide for yourself but not at the expense of the speed of the group. Water containers get filled from that tank," he said pointing to a truck under guard, "during first meal. You got a tent?" At my nod he said, "You'll pitch it beside mine. You want to watch who you associate with. Don't trust anyone."

"It's not my habit," I told him dryly.

"Good. You'll stay out of more trouble that way."

We walked over to a small knot of men all of whom were a couple to several years older than me. Thor introduced me around. None looked too happy to see me. They were obviously a tight group and I was the interloper. Thor pointed to each man as he said their name, "Evans, Barkley, Alfonso, Montgomery, Richard, Chuckri." Then he pointed back at me, "Charbonneau."

I said into the silence, "Rocky."

One of the men raised an eyebrow and asked, "Think we're too dumb to say your name right?"

I raised my eyebrow right back and told him, "No. It ain't rocket science. I just hate how it gets shortened to Charb or Bono by some people. Rocky isn't near as easy to slaughter."

My attempt at conversation fell flat and the men turned away from me. I shrugged my shoulders; it wasn't as if I hadn't had to deal with the good ol' boys club before. To be honest I think the more distance I keep with these men the more likely my chances are of hiding my sex.

I was in the middle of wondering what to do next when the same boys as before got under foot causing some of the grouchier adults to start swearing. I shook my head and picked one up out of the dust that had just fallen out Thor's feet and carried him out of the danger zone. "You midgets got a death wish?"

There was a lot of mumbling and then a loud, "We're bored. No one will play with us."

I rolled my eyes and looked back at Thor who was now ignoring the whole lot of us but I did notice that some of the adults were still shooting venomous looks at the boys. Obviously they'd been underfoot more than once and in the wrong place too. I sighed, "Come on before someone really gets ticked off at you and does some damage."

I took them to what was left of an artificially grassy area, now brown and dry from lack of care, and started doing drills with them. A few complained and I told them, "Put up or shut up. You complain that no one will play with you and now that someone is you whine like a buncha babies. You wanna play or you wanna knit baby booties?"

One boy stuck his bottom lip out and walked away but then came back when none of the other boys would join his boycott. After that things ran better and I wore them out until their parents or whoever was acting like it for them called them to the dinner line. I had to get rid of the smile on my face real quick so no one would see it. I didn't know if guys my age were supposed to like playing with kids.

Everyone else seemed to be grabbing utensils and stuff from their own gear so I pulled the bowl and spork out of mine and followed Thor and the other men to a line that had already formed. The evening meal consisted of a piece of cornbread and what I think was supposed to be thick corn chowder. It wasn't bad but it wasn't particularly good either. The chunks of potato in the chowder was the best part. When Thor looked over and asked if I'd gotten anything to drink I didn't risk the "I'm good" response again and instead lifted a nalgene bottle and sloshed it around for him.

The only thing that threatened to ruin the meal for me was this girl that had been in line behind me. She kept sniffing. At first I thought she had a cold then I caught her mumbling to a couple of other girls with her about people who needed to bathe "desperately before we all gag to death." OK, so I didn't exactly smell sweet after being on the road and hiking and then playing scrimmages with the boys but as far as I could tell no one was exactly odor free in my general vicinity.

I turned around and stared her down. Then she had to over react and start crying like I verbally threatened her or something. I hunched my shoulders feeling guilty for dishing it out so hard even though I knew I hadn't been that rough. Thor pulled me over with a look and told me to tone it down. "Buncha whiners in this crowd but they're whiners with friends. Enough of 'em get together and you could have one of them problems you were looking to avoid."

"Don't want any problems," I mumbled. "Just wanna be left alone. Barbie dolls like that girl make me wanna be left alone even more."

"I hear that," he nodded then whispered me a quiet piece of advice. "But that 'Barbie doll' has an old man that is making up to the new people in charge and do I need to say any more?"

"No," I whispered back. "I'll stay away from her and her friends. Last thing I want is trouble."

Thor nodded and then left me to go talk to some guys that I hadn't been introduced to yet. Suited me fine, I've never been real big into socializing off the field. But in a way it tickled my cynical bone to realize how quickly I had fallen into my role of over-sized male Neanderthal and how readily other people believed it … even other girls. I reminded myself that I had to be careful not to let myself start believing it so much I unintentionally slipped up.

After the meal everyone took care of their own gear which I'd already learned to do with as little water as possible. I got an approving nod from the guy called Chuckri. He seemed the most accessible of the group so I asked him, "Thor said that I'd need to pull my weight. I don't want people saying I'm free loading on your guys. What am I supposed to do to help out?"

He stopped sharpening a knife and looked me over before answering. "Keeping the #$% kids away was a start. They've been driving everybody bug &*(% for days."

"Fine, but that still doesn't tell me what I'm supposed to do."

Another look and he scratched his very stubbly chin. "We did provide security and kept the people moving along. These feds, we ain't sure what they want from us. They're holding it pretty close to the vest until we get on the road … which is tomorrow in case no one's mentioned it."

I shook my head, "Probably trying to prove who the boss is." I sighed and looked around. For the first time in days I wasn't dead dog tired and I knew if I just sat around my brain would start racing and I'd start remembering.

Chuckri's eyes widened an instant before I was barreled into from behind. I went down to my knees hard and then came back up prepared to fight.

"See, I told you he was big but easy to take down." A grown man was talking to a couple of the boys I'd been playing with earlier. "Size don't matter," he said snidely while glancing Thor's way. "It's all in the leadership and who you can get to listen to you."

This guy wasn't exactly small himself but he was carrying a lot of his size in a spare tire that didn't look like it had always been there. He reminded me of an armchair quarterback who used to be the darling of all the cheerleaders but who had gone to seed after school when he didn't get picked up by any teams.

"Hitting a guy from behind isn't exactly what you would call a fair play," I said.

The guy was standing several feet off and hee-hawed as he told the boys, "See? Didn't I tell you that he'd start whining about …"

The boys saw what was happening before the guy did and jumped back. I barreled into the guy's gut shoulder first, lifting him off his feet and then laying him out hard on the ground. "You want to watch your bragging friend. You might just find out that you were good at one time, but not no more."

I waited to see whether he was going to get up but all he did was whimper. I shook my head in disgust and turned to find Thor and several other men looking at me. The one called Montgomery said, "Dang kid, you run like a freaking freight train. What was your position?"

"Defensive tackle."

"How many QBs did you chew up?"

I couldn't help it, a wicked grin snuck out as I said, "A few."

The men laughed and the whole incident was over with. "Amazing," I thought. Guys had a totally different way of handling things. I wasn't too sure that I didn't prefer it.

With nothing to distract me I went and put my tent up where Thor had told me to earlier. I had thought to just put up the Noah's Tarp and sleep out completing my manly man persona but I needed a little privacy after the tussle. The stupid pancake band around my bosom was slipping.

It took a long time to get dark. By my watch it was getting past 10 pm before it really qualified for the night time that I was used to. Most people had long since crawled into whatever they were using as shelter and I did my best to turn my brain off long enough to get some rest. Unfortunately it didn't last long.

"Psst … kid." I recognized Chuckri's voice and stuck my head out. "Good, you're dressed. Someone went to take a leak and thought they heard something or someone off in the bushes. They want us to do a perimeter check."

Here is where I started earning my keep. I slid out of the tent and into my boots as quick as I could but the other men still beat me and were looking at me in disgust. Thor just asked, "You know how to shoot that thing?" He was referring to the rifle I had in my hands.

"Does a flea-bitten hound scratch?" I asked irritated that he'd made me feel even dumber than the other men had already made me feel.

Then Evans, who hadn't even acknowledged my existence more than once asked, "But can you kill a man with it?"

I looked at him real hard and said, "If I have to."

Thor quickly separated us, putting us into two different groups. Evans went with the group led by Thor and he stuck me in Chuckri's group. As Thor walked away he muttered for my ears alone, "Don't make me sorry I didn't run you off when I had the chance."

As the two groups moved apart I realized it was different terrain but it wasn't that much different than walking the fence line with my dad when we'd had problems with the occasional poacher. I'd never actually had to shoot anyone but I'd come close and that incident played in my head as slipped quietly around the camp reminding me that people were a whole lot more dangerous than most animals could ever be.

It was a whiff on the wind that alerted me. I tapped Chuckri and mimed smelling the air off in the direction of the road. I hadn't realized until I'd smelled it that I hadn't noticed anyone smoking in camp. The smell wasn't strong but it was out of place which is what caught my attention in the first place. Suddenly three men came out of the darkness liked they'd been flushed out by a hunting dog. I just reacted. I grabbed one and threw him to the ground hard enough that I heard something snap and caught another in the face with the butt of my rifle. One of the other men had done something to incapacitate the third.

I was standing on the neck of the guy I had thrown down just to make sure he stayed down when Chuckri said quietly, "He ain't going nowhere kid. Move forward about six feet and give us some cover so we can see what we have."

I was running on adrenaline and the night sounds weren't helping my nerves any. Chuckri's voice from behind made me jump. "Listen. Here that? Thor's coming through so don't put a hole in him. He wouldn't like it."

Chuckri made some kind of chirp and the other group of men filed into the small clearing almost overcrowding it. I continue to do as I'd been told until Chuckri patted me on the shoulder letting me know we were heading back to camp. I brought up the rear as I couldn't shake the feeling that those three hadn't been the only things out there.

They were making a mess dragging the three men and I hated the noise of boots being dragged on gravel. I elbowed the man behind me and we switched positions. I stopped and then lifted the guy over my shoulder in a fireman's carry. Thor saw what I was doing and he and … I think it was Evans … did the same with the other two.

We walked quietly up to the feds who had their own security force and gave them the men. They were hauled away and then without a by-your-leave we were dismissed to go back to bed.

Chuckri pulled me along. "What's wrong kid?"

"What are they going to do to those men?"

"Ask 'em a few questions and if they don't answer the questions right, dispose of them most likely."

I stumbled and was glad no one could really see my face in the moonless night.

Evans mumbled, "What did you expect kid?"

All of them expected an answer. Instead of giving them what they wanted I mumbled, "Teach me to ask questions, and remind me to never volunteer again."

Thor's baritone floated to me as he was climbing back in his tent. "Too late now kid. Maybe next time you'll look before you leap."


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

I awoke with anticipation that we'd be moving forward but once again the feds changed their minds at the last moment and declared that we'd be waiting one more day to see if we'd get any more people to join the caravan. They made it sound like they were being … kind and magnanimous or something like that but I had the feeling that really wasn't their goal.

I followed Chuckri after grabbing a bowl of thick oatmeal and bringing it back to a tarp that Thor's men used to eat under. No one was digging in and after getting my first taste I figure out why. Refusing to eat the tasteless glop I told the men to wait and reached into my backpack and pulled out one of those multi-sectioned containers of spices and a small bear-shaped container of honey.

The men just kind of stared at me when I offered it around. "What? It ain't poison and even if it was it has got to be better than the way this stuff tastes now."

I tossed it to Thor who looked at me and said, "We'll use it up if all of us get some."

"Whoever empties it cleans it, and then I want it back in case I can find a bee tree or something along the road. This stuff would be better off fried into oat cakes with a little sweetening. How often do we eat this stuff anyway?"

Chuckri snagged the honey and spices from Thor since he was still just sitting there staring at me and not using it. "Couple times a week. Tastes like #$%."

Evans as surly as ever said, "Used to have oat cakes when I was a kid. Ma made them from leftovers. Nobody made them as good as Ma. Cain't remember how she done it."

I told him, "I don't know about your Mom but mine just mixed whatever was handy into the leftover oatmeal, or left it plain, and then fried it … sort of like fried mush."

Some of the other guys had blank looks and Alfonso asked, "Fried polenta?"

I was getting in over my head and shrugged, "Don't know but if it is made from cornmeal that … well, yeah, I guess. Kinda anyway. I think polenta is Italian though."

Richards, a quiet man from everything I'd seen up to this point nodded and said, "Different countries call it different things. Ate it in many different places in the world and no two called it the same name. First thing you'll learn on the road son is that with this many people to feed they aren't after flavor so much as quick and filling. They also want to minimize the fuel they have to use and the cleanup it takes. Water is going to be critical for this many people too. I don't see the logistics getting it to work to be honest."

Chuckri picked up the thread. "Plan is supposed to be to get as close to Laramie as we can before the supplies run out. They swear there is a big camp up there taking in refugees and that there is plenty of food waiting on us but I'm beginning to doubt it."

"Laramie is where we're going?" I asked.

"No kid, the moon," Evans said snidely. "You stupid or something? No one hooks up without getting all the facts first. No one with any sense anyway."

I didn't know what his problem was but I wasn't going to rise to the bait. "All I'm trying to do is get across these mountains. I don't want to get put in a refugee camp. I just want to go home."

Thor finally asked, "Where's home?"

I looked at him carefully before saying, "Off the Blue Ridge Parkway."

Evans again with the snide voice asked, "How the Sam Hill you'd get so far from home? You ain't even wet behind the ears yet."

"It was a school trip." That was close enough to the truth that it sounded like it. I was starting to remember things that I didn't want to.

Evans kept pushing. "Sure it was kid." He didn't believe me. "Where was this 'school trip' to? The way you act it couldn't have been too far away or you'd be dead by now."

I was having a hard time keeping the memories from breaking free, "San Francisco." I stood up abruptly and said, "Just give me the bear when y'all are through with it." Then I walked away trying hard to not look like I was running.

Thirty minutes later I had my back pack and other gear in the shade of a big rock and was leaning against it throwing smaller rocks at nothing in particular. At the crunch of gravel I froze hoping whoever it was would go away. "Hey kid?"

I sighed at hearing Chuckri's voice knowing it probably meant chores. "Yeah," I answered.

When I moved to stand he waved me to stay put. He sat beside me and we were both throwing stones before long. "Thor's the leader but I'm what you would call second in command. It's my job to keep things running smooth. You're a wrinkle and it's gonna take some time to iron things out."

"Sure." I said not wanting to care too much one way or the other right at that moment.

A moment later he continued. "Thor thinks you're lying about something and I'm thinking he's right. Is this it?"

"Is what it?"

"Where you come from? You lying about San Francisco … or where you're headed?"

Still feeling mostly dead I said, "No. We were having a party in one of those swanky hotels where they don't let the bums hang out. It had these big meeting rooms like a convention center. There were lots of parties that night, all the rooms were booked full, and the bathrooms on the floor we were on all had lines. I told my parents – they were chaperones – that I was going to go find one that wasn't backed up around the block. While I was taking care of business there was a lot of noise and then my best friend runs to get me and tell me … tell me … they'd … these men … they'd … they'd gassed the room we were using. He told me that my parents … his parents … everyone we knew there was dead and that they were starting to spread out in the hotel and shoot people. We got out and managed to get out of the city before they could … could hold us for whatever reason. Jonathon's family … they … they had money and … his family … he didn't want to get put someplace for his own protection where his family couldn't get to him. Anyway we grabbed a car and made it to his grandmother's house in Oregon and then things really started hitting the fan. We were trying to escape and brought her with us. We were on the road but still in Oregon when the EMP hit. Then they ran out of medicines they needed and then nothing mattered … I couldn't save them. And if Evans gets in my face about it one more time I won't answer for the consequences. I'm not telling this story again, it was hard enough living through it; I ain't going to keep repeating it just because people get curious."

"Kid?"

"What?" I snapped without meaning to.

"You should tell Thor."

I shook my head. "You tell him," I snarled. "I told you I'm done saying it."

A sigh and Chuckri said, "It'll get easier. Burying the first few is always the hardest."

It was the way he said it as much as what he said that had me turning slowly to look at him. "There were two dozen of us when we started. We're down to seven … eight with you added back in. We were all buddies, a tight crew, known each other for years. I don't want to have to bury anymore. Evans can be a $%&* but … but this? It's made him worse. He thinks if he is a big enough $%&* that nothing can hurt him. I don't need two people in the crew acting like that."

I debated whether to say anything but the man had been halfway decent to me and I'd be stupid to spit on that. "Just give me something to do. I don't think about it so much when I can work at doing something."

He gave me the once over and then said, "I saw some maps in your pack when you pulled that honey out. The feds 'borrowed' ours and ain't give 'em back yet. Give me ten minutes and then bring them back to that rock we were eatin' around. I wanna see what kind of miles we're looking at."

I responded automatically, "Between here and Fort Bridger it's fifty miles. From here to Laramie it's about three hundred depending on the route we take."

Chuckri shook his head, "Three hundred freaking miles … on foot." He stood up and told me, "Just bring the maps like I told you. We got some planning of our own to do."

I did as I was told and we spent the rest of the afternoon comparing my maps to the route the feds said that we were taking. It was going to be more than three hundred miles. First major point was Fort Bridger, WY. From there we were supposed to bypass I80 by following 414 south until we hit the town of McKinnon, WY – another 40 miles – and then we'd swing north again taking the McKinnon Rd and heading into the Flaming Gorge area which added another 50 miles. From there to Laramie it was 225 miles for a grand total that was closer to 400 than 300 miles.

Three hundred and seventy five miles and that didn't include any detours we'd have to make. I asked of no one in particular how many miles a day they were making before they settled down in Fossil.

Montgomery – who got as irritated at being called Monty as I did at Charb or Bono – answered, "Most we got out of them was fifteen … even with Thor growling and driving them with a stick. Chucki said you was traveling with an old lady. How far'd y'all get?"

Montgomery had the broad accents of the Highlands that could still be found in the ridges of the Smokies. I told him, "Eight to ten a day and they crashed and burned almost as soon as the tent got put up." As I thought about what the caravan was going to look like I shook my head and muttered, "Holy Moses and the Children of Israel Batman."

Chuckri heard me and actually laughed. "Yeah, it's gonna be a mess. I'm not sure putting the kids and elderly in the trucks is going to help much since most folks will still be walking. Once we get off these back roads and get back to the traffic blockages it might actually make things worse."

Thor casually leaned over, startling me, and swept the papers off of the rock we'd been using and muttered, "Hide 'em." I slipped them inside the bag at my feet just as two young men in uniform walked up "requesting" Thor's presence at a briefing. This left me at loose ends again, a state I'm not fond of being in.

"Boy, you need to learn to relax," Chuckri advised. "You look like you're too anxious for work and you'll find yourself volunteered for some again."

I shrugged. "I relax best when I'm busy." He snorted, leaned back in the shade tipping his hat over his eyes.

With no help from him or any of the other men who seemed to be following his example I looked around for myself. The first thing I noticed was the chaos. No one seemed to know what they should be doing and most didn't seem to care. I saw a lot of people just sitting around with vacant eyes not really looking at anything. Kids were running underfoot again drawing the ire of many adults. I watched two brawls start before I'd had my fill of looking.

I sat back down with the men. "Why aren't the feds getting things organized? These people could be doing something constructive, something useful … training maybe … the kids could be rounded up and done something with …"

Evans said, "Yeah … beat like they need."

I ignored him and continued. "Has anyone checked the town? Are there any people there? Supplies? Look at the trash and people's equipment that needs fixing."

"Don't try and make sense of it kid." As big as Thor is he'd returned quietly enough to make several of us jump when he spoke. "Besides, not our problem; we've got a mission." Instantly the men around me were energized like they hadn't just been lying around like a bunch of old hound dogs.

The issue of getting the fed vehicles through had been duly noted and the feds solution was simple. An advance group would go out and move stuff out of the way.

Barkley asked, "How? With our looks?"

Evans was the one that said, "What's the compensation plan? I ain't working for free."

Thor's response was dry yet held a lot of contempt for the feds at the same time. "Ain't you heard? We've been drafted. And yeah, appears that that still means something. They proved it by letting me overhear some radio transmissions. They said either we agree or we'll be, and I quote, dealt with. They left the rest of it to our imagination what that might mean."

Evans, ever the conniver said, "Fine. We go out but we just keep walking. Leave this whole mess behind."

Thor shook his head. "With a price on our heads. They know who we are, where we call home, family if we got any," he growled. "What's more, if one of us pulls that it comes down on all of us."

Most of the comments for the next few minutes aren't printable. These were rough men who didn't appreciate being backed into a corner.

Finally Chuckri asked, "Fine, what's the rest of this plan or is that it?"

Thor looked around and just like Coach quieted the group with a look. "We get supplies for eight days. We work our way out along a predetermined route for six days. On the seventh we wait for them to catch up if they haven't already. The eighth day of supplies is for just in case. We get resupplied when the caravan catches up and the schedule then repeats itself, barring any unforeseen incidences, until we get to the area cleared around Laramie. Once there we'll get papers releasing us. How we move things out of the way is up to us."

"Which truck are they giving us?" someone asked.

"They aren't. That would mean splitting their fuel resources."

"And another chance for us to skip on them," I added.

"The kid's right," Richards said. "What are we going to do about this?"

Thor opened his mouth to answer when Chuckri turned to me and asked, "If it was you, and it is, what would you do Boy?"

It was a test that even a blind man could see. I was as careful with my answer as if my life depended on it, which it might in the long run. "Go along with it … for a while. See if their threats have any merit. Test their defense then go on the offense. Maybe …," I stopped for a moment to think. "maybe do what they don't seem to be which is looking for new resources … check the cars and any towns we go through for things we need or could use. If we can find a locksmith shop or truck we could even find a lock punch or a master key set and we've got the only keys we ever need. Mostly check for things we need or could use right away."

"Steal you mean."

"Huh?" I asked startled out of my thoughts. "No. That's not what I mean at all. Leave it alone if there are people already making a clear claim to it. I don't want to be a raider like in some post-apocalyptic movie. But if it don't belong to anyone and we can use it ourselves or trade it for stuff we do need, then we'll be less … dependent than they want us to be. Just no matter what we end up doing, it has to work for all of us. Nobody gets stupid … or stupid greedy … or we could all wind up in trouble."

"Or with a noose around our necks if not worse; some of us hope we still got families to go home to," Chuckri added. To make his point he asked Thor, "Any word on those men from last night?"

Nonchalantly Thor answered, "Disposed of. Apparently they were three from a group that had been told to move along the day before the Kid here showed up." Looking around he told everyone, "We start before first light. Check your gear again, say any goodbyes if you got 'em. You know the drill. Chuckri, grab the kid and his gear and come with me."

I didn't like the sound of that but didn't see as I had any choice. We ended at a vacant area off of one of the hiking trails from the main parking lot of the national monument. "I need to know what you can do kid. The road is no place to find out just how much I'm gonna need to teach you. Break your weapon down and then put it back together."

Since I was used to the drills Dad had pulled on me fairly regular, and because I'd taken the time to familiarize myself with the rifle, I did it in good time; not as quickly as if it had been my own rifle from home but quick enough that I got a grin from Chuckri and "smart #$" from Thor. The target tests went just as well. I was a little rusty … and nervous … so didn't do as well as I could have but apparently I passed muster.

"What about his gear?" Chuckri asked Thor.

I tried not to show the panic I felt on my face. I didn't know how I would explain away bras and panties and my monthly needs unless they wanted to believe I was some kind of pervert. However Thor just said, "What would we replace it with? Let the kid deal with it as it comes." I was too relieved to take affront.

Thor then switched gears and told me, "Kid you wouldn't be my first choice for the crew but we're stuck with you anyway it appears. Don't complain. Don't pout. Don't get in the way. Don't slow us down. You won't like the consequences." My mouth wanted to go into overdrive but if nothing else, age and recent experience was giving me more control over that part of my personality.

"What? Nothing to say?" Thor asked, poking the bear whether he realized it or not.

Shrugging as casually as I could I calmly said, "What do you want from me? I don't like what you said but in your shoes I'd probably say the same thing to someone I didn't know … probably didn't want to get stuck with. The only thing that fixes this is I do my job, you stay off my back. We don't need to like each other, we just have to be able to work together. If we can make a little profit at the same time then that's icing on the cake."

Evans chose that moment to walk up and I noticed that the other men had come to watch as well. "Maybe you ain't gonna be the waste of skin you appear to be," was his typically nasty comment.

Evening meal was some kind of barley soup that was more water than anything else, and a hard flat lump that was supposed to be a biscuit. "Geez, they're going to have a mutiny on their hands if they don't get some real cooks in there. We slopped our pigs better than this," I muttered to myself.

Richards, the quietest of the men said, "Thought the same thing at first but take a good look around you. What are they going to riot with? These people turned in their guns when the feds showed up just so they could have a place in the caravan, like they didn't need them any longer. Any extra supplies they had when we were leading things are now gone; used up or turned in for the apparent benefit of the entire group. When you were mentioning dependence that most appropriately sums it up whether you knew it or not. The feds want these people completely dependent on them for everything; more control that way. I think one of the reasons why they feed 'em the way they do is to break them down, make them more pliable and easy to manipulate."

Just as quietly since you never knew who might be listening I asked, "Is that why they are getting you guys … us … out of camp? To … I don't know … make them think the feds are the only ones that can feed and protect them?"

Richards gave me a serious look. "Keep those types of thoughts to yourself boy. I'm not saying you're wrong but it might not be the smartest … or healthiest … thing to say aloud where just anyone could hear them."

The next morning we headed out and I could really feel the extra weight of my part of the eight day's worth of supplies. "You're getting weak Rocky," I snarled at myself. As soon as we were out of sight of the caravan I pulled out a bag of peanuts, put a handful in my pocket and then told the guy in front of me … I was bringing up the rear again … to pass it up.

When it got to the front Thor turned around and I thought I was going to have to duck as he stomped back towards me. "What the Sam Hill are you up to?"

"I'm … hungry," I told him like he was a slow child. "I can't eat if y'all don't. Whatever that grey stuff was that they fed us on our way out didn't stay in my stomach long enough to even be missed. You want me to move cars all day then you let me eat. Me and protein are good buddies. Without it I get cranky. You want peace in the world then you let me do what I gotta to avoid cranky." I was also close to my monthlies which tended to give me the munchies but I wasn't about to tell him that.

He opened his mouth and I said, "If you don't like peanuts or are allergic to them or something I've got raisins or I think there is a chocolate bar in my pack someplace. Take your pick."

Barkley, with a twinkle in his eye, interrupted us. "Well, at least now we know what's been up Thor's back. He needs his protein." After we both turned to glare at him, "Kid, stop causing a ruckus. If everyone stays quiet I'll see if I can't get us some protein that is still walking around and we'll add it to our rations for dinner."

I knew Thor wanted to pop me one but I couldn't imagine why he hadn't. Some of the other guys must have been thinking the same thing if the looks on their faces were any indication. An hour later we ran into our first roadblock but since this one only involved two cars it wasn't hard to move off to the side.

The only problem came when we found out their bumpers were locked. I was getting frustrated then had a thought. I kicked in the tail lights on one side enough to break out the whole unit then I reached in, felt around and sure enough the tire iron and jack had just been tossed in the trunk. There's more than one way to skin a cat. I stuck the jack down between the two cars and then started opening it up. It took some muscle but I finally got the bumper of one of the vehicles to tear off enough that I could stomp it off the other side. Finally the two vehicles were free of one another.

I stood there sweaty but pleased with myself then looked up to find them all just staring at me. Rather than let it bother me I told Evans, "I felt what might have been bottles of water in that trunk. Might be useful if we can pop the hood."

The older man got a wicked look on his face, pulled out what looked like an oversized screwdriver and a mallet and in less time than a honest man should have, he had the trunk open revealing a flat of water bottles and a 12-pack of store-brand cola. Evans rubbed his hands together and starting with Thor divided the booty up. I was low man on the totem pole so all I got was two bottles of water and one can of cola. "You got the room for that jack? Might come in handy."

I told Evans, "I'll make room." That happened off and on throughout the day. We had the worst time at the intersection of highways 30 and 189. It was in the middle of this little town called Diamondville and something bad must have gone down. There were bodies lying around and some of them still smelled. I pulled a bandana up over my nose and mouth to try and cut the worst of it, especially when some of the cars we were trying to move still had bodies in them.

The lack of good food was telling on the older men's energy levels and I was pretty done in myself but more hungry than anything. The stress of being on guard in case any live person suddenly jumped out from the buildings on either side of the streets didn't help; we weren't worried about the dead ones. Thor looked around and said, "Let's find a roof for the night."

All the men headed towards the Fossil Butte motel while I headed towards the Pizza Hut. Chuckri laughed and asked, "Boy, everything revolve around your stomach?"

I gave him a disgusted look. OK, so I had been thinking of food but only as in finding some but not actually cuddle up to sleep with it. "I'm going to see if they got any flour and condiments in that joint. If they do we can make campfire pizzas to go with the ground squirrel Barkley bagged."

Chuckri looked at Thor, grinned and changed course. "Boy, you better not be telling tales about that pizza."

Still irritated I snapped, "I ain't lying about nothing. I was in Venture Scouts and we used to fix it all the time."

"Ain't never heard of Venture Scouts," Evans said, joining us as well as we moved across the street, still eyeing the area to make sure we didn't get caught flat footed.

"Run by the BSUSA organization but they operate in crews instead of troops and dens … biggest difference is most crews are co-ed."

Evans, ever the gentleman said, "Whooeeee. Never heard of that growing up. I wouldn't have minded camping with me a girl to cuddle up to. You've led a blessed life son."

What do you say to a guy that seems to enjoy being just as big a donkey's backside as he can get away with being? I'd already run into more than my share of chauvinist pigs in this life but Evans had to take the cake; he skipped the chauvinist part and went straight to just plain pig.

The inside of the restaurant was a little tore up but not too bad. All of the refrigerated condiments had gone over from the smell of things but the dough mix was in a separate cooler and the sauce was in cans on metal shelves in the back. I grabbed a sack of dough mix and tossed it up on my shoulder and was wondering how to carry the sauce, oil, powdered parmesan and the pans I wanted when Chuckri said, "Stop trying to do everything yourself kid. Evans can grab the pans and I'll grab the rest."

The pizzas weren't pretty but they filled the hole in my belly better than anything had since San Francisco. The men didn't seem to mind them either. Barkley had coated the ground squirrel pieces in some dough mix and fried them and I'd pulled the meat off of my pieces and put them on one of the pizzas. I'd never heard of squirrel pizza but it wasn't bad at all.

When everything was done and cleaned up I took off to look in a couple of the buildings along the street. A rumble warned me that Thor had joined my exploration. "Buddy system. You walk off by yourself, something happens …," he left the sentence to hang. It didn't take an Einstein to understand what he meant. "You just curious or you looking for something in particular?"

Actually I had been after some extra feminine stuff but his presence was going to make it more difficult. I made up something for his benefit anyway. "Ziploc bags. They're dead useful and might come in handy if we have to start splitting stuff up or if we run into bad weather."

He gave me a look and said, "Might not be bad to think of a few other things we might wish we had."

I muttered, "Yeah, like foot powder for Evans' shoes." The man's feet had nearly knocked me out the previous night and I was two tents down from him.

That rusty laugh escaped from Thor's mouth again before he thought better of it. "Might not be a bad idea," he agreed. "We could all use clean socks now that you mention it." As we entered the Kemmerer Pharmacy I realized the place looked untouched. Like a zombie I walked back toward the back and jumped the counter. I took the flashlight and looked for the names of the medications that Nana and Jonathon had needed and sure enough there was a small supply of most of them.

Something inside me seized up. I jumped back over the counter and stumbled down the aisles looking without seeing. Then I fell to my knees and was doing everything I could not to act like a girl. I was slamming my fist into the floor and the pain felt good and I just kept doing it. Suddenly I was grabbed from behind in a bear hug and I started fighting.

I'd like to say that I gave as good as I got but though I was able to lift my opponent off his feet using leverage that's all I managed to do. The grip became crushing and I was starting to see dots as the air was literally being squeezed out of me. "Knock it off kid or I'm going to wind up hurting you." When I realized it was Thor I stopped fighting and he released me. I was breathing like a horse that had been run too long and hard.

"You done?" Thor asked in a conversational voice.

I just looked at him still trying to hold in the desire to cry. I stepped away from him as fast as I could and backed straight into Barkley and Richards. Richards said, "You aren't an addict. The drugs you were looking at were common for heart ailments and asthma."

When I jerked in the direction of the voice that I hadn't expected Barkley got in my line of vision drawing my attention too. He said quietly, "Richards is the closest thing we have to a medic. He's also a shrink when we aren't in the guard so spill it son and get it out in the open or he'll use a can opener and get it out anyway."

I could not do what I wanted to. I wanted to cry and tell them I wanted my Mom and Dad. I wanted to tell them I missed my best friend so much it felt like my chest was being ripped open. Instead I had to remember who I was supposed to be and pray to God the store was dark enough they couldn't see how I really felt. Just to be on the safe side I walked a few paces away from there and faced the darkest corner of the store. It took me three times but I finally said, "If I could have gotten them here, that was the medicine they needed. It would have been enough to get to the next spot. Jonathon's grandmother had … she had … a friend put some back for them a couple of different places along our route home.

Richards said, "I'm going to tell you something and you won't thank me for it right now but it is something you need to take in before this eats you up." After a moment to make sure I was listening, "You can't save everyone. No matter what you do or how strong you are, you can't save them all. Even if you could I've learned there are some that perhaps shouldn't be saved. What quality of life would your friends have had? Eventually the medicine would have run out. What then?"

"I would have figured something out? I … I …"

"No son. You couldn't have. And even if it wasn't the medicine they would have been considered weak. In the world we are faced with right now they would have been prime targets."

"No one ever bothered Jonathon when I was there!" It wasn't quite a wail but it was too close to one so I shut my mouth. I realized my fists were balled so tight I could barely feel them anymore and I forced myself to relax. When I had the best control I could pretend to have I said, "It doesn't matter. I can't go back and change it. They're gone and I'm just gonna have to live with it. Just … just leave me alone."

I walked to the back of the store. If I thought I could have gotten away with walking out of the store I would have but while I might have been what my mom called "distraught," I wasn't stupid; Thor stood between me and the door and I thought right then wasn't the time to push my luck. Slowly I realized what I was staring at was what I'd come into the store for in the first place.

I walked back to the front to see all three men talking quietly and reached over the store counter and grabbed a few plastic bags. I walked back and started dumping stuff in the bags from here and there. I caught my reflection in the mirror of the sunglass carousel and I heard my mother's voice say, "Careful Rocky or your face is going to stick like that." I wondered to myself whether that wasn't a lot more true than not.

"Give me one of those bags kid," came Thor's quiet rumble. I handed him one without looking at him.

"I sent Richards and Barkley next door to do a little recon in there. You got something you wanna say? Spit it out."

I licked my lips and asked, "Am I still part of the team?"

Thor shook his head. "That it? That's all you got to say?"

Knowing I had a drumming coming to me I told him, "Me saying sorry ain't gonna fix it. All I can do is prove I'm not … weak … like I was acting. It's done. I won't let it happen again." I wanted to say more in my defense but I wasn't sure there was any excuse for what I'd just done.

"Look kid …"

When he stopped talking I turned and looked at him. He just shook his head. "You're #$% straight this better not happen again. Everyone of us has lost friends … good friends. You say your goodbyes and then you carry on. Do it in their memory if that makes you feel better but you don't fall apart and take other people with you. Got it?"

"Yes sir."

"Aw $%& , drop the sir. You make me feel like your ol' granpappy and I ain't. Give me them bags. You got three minutes to pull yourself together then I want you outside looking alive. I don't want Richards thinking I'm kicking the puppy. Got it?" he asked giving me a hard look.

I nodded my head and gave him the bags as ordered and he walked swiftly out of the store. I knew this was likely the only chance I was going to get so I stuffed the oversized pockets of my BDUs with the personal stuff that I had come in for in the first place, zipped the pockets closed and left the building just as Thor looked like he was about to get irritated.

I was careful to stay in control the rest of the night. I divided up the remaining dough mix and double bagged it in Ziploc bags and gave each man some to add to the rations that we'd brought with us. Richards looked over what I'd pulled out of the store and nodded and tossed each men toothpaste, small bottles of mouth wash, soap, hand sanitizer, Gold Bond powder, deodorant, chap stick and a few other things. For his part he used some of the zip bags to store the medications he'd collected from the pharmacy earlier. We were also given individual first aid supplies. There were socks to divvy up and some of the men had also taken the opportunity to pick up clean clothes to replace the ones they'd been wearing for a while.

Since we had the opportunity we skipped the tents and stayed at the motel. Some men doubled up but most were happy for the privacy. I used mine to take a spit bath using the water from the toilet tank and to repack my things. I also got rid of the old strips of cloth I was using and cut a large ace bandage down into lengths that would work for what I needed.

I went to bed fully clothed and it wasn't until the next morning, after being rudely awakened by a boot to the door of the room I was sleeping in, that I found out Richards had taken me out of the guard duty rotation. I was determined to not let that happen again. Not only did I worry that they'd think I was soft and start wondering about things I didn't want them wondering about, but it was a pride thing too. No one was going to think I couldn't take it, not because of something I did or didn't do. For the next five days I worked as hard or harder than any of the other men.

After Diamondville we had to sleep on the open road a couple of nights. In this place called Carter … population 8 if the sign was to be believed … we broke into a utility shed to get out of a late snow storm. That night was no fun. And neither was the next day as we worked in the mud caused by the melting snow. The sixth day found us tired and dirty and preparing to wait at Fort Bridger State Historic Site.

Thor gave us the remainder of the day to pretty much goof off if we wanted to. I was glad to have it because as promised my monthly had arrived and I was not in the mood to handle Evans' goads he was always making. So while the guys pulled out an old set of horseshoes they'd found I hung out around historic museum which wasn't too far from the historic outhouse. I figured if anyone asked I'd say too much fiber or something like that.

Sure enough Evans had to look me up and start poking the bear. I was really close to making him sorry he hadn't chosen a different past time when Chuckri gave a piercing whistle. Evans may have been the back end of a donkey but he moved just as fast as the rest of us when necessary.

Chuckri and Thor were looking up when we got out to the parade grounds. I heard it before I actually saw it. It was the sputtering, dying motor of a small airplane. How one had survived the EMP we never found out because by the time we found the wreckage of the downed machine the pilot and passenger were both dead. There was nothing special about either one of them; two harmless looking, middle aged men. There was nothing special about anything in the plane either. You could see where the rear seats have been removed and the whole thing stripped down, possibly to lighten the load so less fuel would be needed. Other than that nothing. I got tired of listening to the men BS over the mystery and went to my tent … set up in the museum just because I felt like it … and tried to get some extra rest.

I was dozing when I heard the footsteps. I cracked my eye open and immediately recognized the giant well-worn shoes that belonged to Thor's feet. I groaned without meaning too. In returned Thor chuckled and said, "Well, at least we know you ain't dead."

I crawled out thinking I'd left some chore undone but I couldn't imagine what. "Easy kid. Just checking on you."

Concerned I asked seriously, "You still think I need babysitting?"

That got me a look and then he said something I hadn't expected. "Kid, whether I want it or not you're my responsibility. I take my responsibilities seriously."

I told him, "I'm not going to flip out again."

"I'm not saying you are … ain't saying you aren't either." After a pause he asked, "What did you make of the plane?"

"An unsolvable mystery." When he raised an eyebrow I told him, "No IDs, no papers, no maps, no nothing. If I had to guess I'd say they didn't come from very far away and the trip planned was a short one because there weren't any supplies in the plane either. I'd say where ever it is, it is probably a place low on the right kind of fuel because I didn't see any extra. The trip was either one way or where they were going to had at least enough fuel to get them back. Plus the plane had been stripped of most anything unnecessary, and Montgomery said the tank was nearly dry too. Since I'm not Sherlock Holmes I doubt I'm going to come up with the right answer with that little bit of input."

He snorted, "Better than some of 'em came up with. Most of 'em didn't even take the fuel issues into account until Alfonso brought it up." I just shrugged.

"Listen kid, you ain't doing half bad but we are about to get into some rougher territory coming up. And at some point we'll likely run into people."

"I thought we would by now what with all of the empty cars all along the road."

"Nah. There ain't nothing for folks out in this area. More than likely people just started walking, realizing after a while that no one was coming to the rescue. I bet if we walked off into the terrain on either side of the road we'd find some human remains. But that ain't our problem; all we're concerned with is getting the road clear enough for the caravan. Speaking of which, we've all agreed that we don't say nothing about nothing except what a rotten hard job clearing the road is. The plane is a curiosity they can find for themselves after we get outta here. And we don't mention any of the ... requisitioning … we're doing either. I've sent Chuckri and Montgomery to cache most of the extra supplies we've got left over. We'll pick them back up on our way down the road after we've gotten another eight days worth."

I told him, "Make sure Evans doesn't jingle around any of the guys in uniform once they get here, they might get suspicious."

That brought a round of cussing that would have embarrassed a navy cook. He aimed a kick at a trash can then missed on purpose. "How often?"

"Is he getting sticky fingers? At first he was taking a lot and it didn't seem to matter what. Last couple of days I noticed he's been a lot more selective. I stay away from him when he starts taking stuff off the dead bodies though; I saw him yank a good sized diamond ring off one of them yesterday."

Another round of cussing and then he stood still for a moment before saying, "Anyone else know?"

I shrugged from my seat on the floor. "I ain't asked and no one has said. I just figured it was Evans being Evans and that you and Chuckri knew what was going on."

"From now on kid don't assume I know anything. Come tell me."

"I'm not a tattle tale."

"And this ain't the school yard. That crap could bring down some serious trouble. Desecrating the dead is no small matter and could be used against all of us. Anything else you think I should know about?"

I gave him a suspicious look.

"Kid, I can't be everywhere at once. I have to trust these men to do their job which means I'm willing to look the other way about some things but I still want to know about them in case they turn into problems I have to deal with. You tell me but if it comes down to it, your name'll stay out of it."

I snorted, "Why would you think I'd know anything?"

"Because you ain't near as stupid as you let people think you are," he told me seriously.

This man saw way too much and it made me nervous. "You and Chuckri are the only ones that credit me with any brain cells. Richards only sees me as a potential mental case, which is pretty much my own fault I admit. The rest of them only see me as 'the boy' or 'the kid.'"

A wise smile flitted across his face, "Tell me that ain't suited your purpose."

He was starting to make me very nervous so to distract him I told him some of the things I'd seen. "Montgomery and Alfonso both have flasks of what smells like hard liquor that they refill every chance they get which is surprisingly often all things considered. I never realized booze made for such a popular car accessory these days. Richards must think antacids are one of the basic food groups the way he eats them. Barkley has more knives than most people have sense and I don't even want to know where all he is hiding them. Chuckri has the weirdest taste in boxers I've ever seen … Oscar the Grouch? Seriously dude." I shook my head reminding myself to find Chuckri a smaller belt so his pants would hang higher than the middle of his hips. "And in addition to sparklies, Evans is getting a pretty good porn library going that he's selling reader subscriptions for."

Thor stood there for about three heart beats before he busted out laughing. Apparently it was an uncommon occurrence as three of the men came running in and then just stood there with their mouths hanging open. He finally just shook his head and they all went back outside leaving me to finally get comfortable and fall asleep.

The caravan showed up before noon the next day. We were hustled into what they called a debriefing, given new supplies and then ordered to start on the next leg.

As we were escorted down the road and then after we'd all but been driven out of sight of the caravan I asked, "How come they don't want us talking to the refugees?"

Richards replied, "He who controls information, controls the world."

At my blank look he added, "They decide what information gets out to the caravan and what doesn't. They're in control. Sort of like when the government would put pressure on the news organizations to keep some story under their hats until they said they could release it."

Evans of all people seemed to get it best. "If we're not around we can't contradict anything they decide to tell the refugees. Control. Power. It's about those two things and nothing more."

I rolled my eyes. "If I had stayed with the caravan I probably would have been in all kinds of trouble by now."

A couple of the men snorted and I heard Thor mutter soto voice, "Ain't we lucky we got you instead."

Two days and we made it to this place called Lonetree. Another day after that we made it to Burntfork and Thor called a meeting, "We got three days to travel sixty miles to Green River. I'm hoping that we don't run into much because McKinnon Road is way off the beaten path. But listen up people, Chuckri said he caught sight of people … live 'uns … twice today. They might be tracking us, they might not. From here on out though you step soft and don't take anything without my say so. We may be stepping into someone else's territory."


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

We woke up the next morning and the day looked about as promising as any I'd had in a while. I was in such a stupid good mood I started breakfast and made potato cakes that I mixed squeeze cheese into as well as shredded beef jerky we'd pull off the back shelf of a middle of nowhere convenience store. The front of the store had been trashed but Evans is nothing if not thorough when looking for potential valuables and he is the one that discovered the closet storage.

I was the only one in a good mood it seemed. I'd learned to give the men a wide berth because most of them took a while to turn human; most were still dealing with caffeine withdrawals and that is the one thing we hadn't found any of except for a couple of dried out packages of instant Nescafe in the glove compartment of an old Volvo that had been knocked sideways after clipping a concrete median barrier. Breakfast turned out to be the only decent thing that happened that day.

Where we should have turned north at McKinnon Road there were not one but three jackknifed semi tractor trailers blocking the road, and one of those was pulling a piggy back. The trailers of all had been emptied and all of the cars in the surrounding areas also looked like they'd been picked clean. It definitely wasn't done by animals so that told us there were people in the area and we doubled our alert status which had already been high.

"Don't look like we have any choice. Rocky, give me that map again," Chuckri ordered. He and Thor then went over possible routes. It wasn't rocket science, we were going to have to take SR530 which was going to add about 15 miles to the ones we already needed to travel until we could stop. But what choice did we have? The other problem was how to notify the caravan of the new route. In the end we opted to scratch or carve it into a bunch of surfaces. The more surfaces the more likely someone was to see it and less likely that someone would be able to obliterate all of it without giving themselves away.

I tried burning it into a couple of the cars' surfaces using hand sanitizer but it didn't work as planned; the sanitizer burned but once it was gone the surface below remain pretty well unharmed, a little etched but that's it. Vaseline didn't work either; it only works as a fire starter when mixed with dryer lint or a cotton ball and I had neither one handy which had me kicking myself for leaving that stuff behind in the pharmacy when I had the chance to grab it. I ended up doing it the old fashioned way by taking the tire iron and gouging the heck out of any surface that got in my way. That nearly included Evans after another series of his trademark lameness had my head pounding.

We'd wasted some time but not as much as it would have taken if we'd had a really big smash up to fool with so we hoofed it to US530 and walked into the high desert landscape that bounded the west side of Flaming Gorge National Recreation Area. I suddenly understood why no one had wanted to go this way. It wasn't just that it added a day to the caravan's time but it was dry and desolate. There was some greenery around but nothing edible for humans. The road was a couple of miles from the reservoir on that side so we didn't even have that to eliminate the emptiness of the landscape. After a while the rocks started looking alike and I was glad that there was a fairly decent road to follow or I would have gotten lost and I wasn't ashamed to admit it.

That night we camped out in a windstorm which made a fire impossible. I mixed together some peanut butter, oatmeal, and raisins after most of the men had gone to sleep in a bad humor. I was on first watch. The wind bothered me because it whistled and moaned so much I was completely dependent on my eyes. Something was giving me the willies and then I noticed a couple of odd flickers of light to my right. I couldn't tell how far away it was and deciding to move for a better look when something flew at me from my left side.

"Crap!" was all I managed before I was in a fight for my life.

I don't know who was growling and making more noise, me or the dog that had clamped onto my left wrist. Trying to wrench free I felt my wrist and hand go numb and then I was busy trying to keep the beast from taking out my throat. I managed to grab it by the fur and meat on either side of its throat and strong arm it away but it kept coming after me by raking it front nails in my scalp. I don't know how but I got a leg up under its belly and then kicked it away and by the time it flipped to come back at me I had my bowie knife in my right hand and sank it deep in the beast's throat like it had meant to sink its teeth into mine.

There was shooting going on around me but I couldn't get up. I was starting to shake and feel numb. I looked down at the cuff of my shirt and it was ragged and bloody. But it was all still there despite the numbness. I cradled my wrist and tried to stand but Richards pushed me back down.

It was another couple of minutes before the shooting was over. I heard Chuckri curse in some language I didn't understand – later found out it was Armenian, his grandparents had been Christian immigrants fleeing religious persecution and violence in their home country. Four of the men went in teams and made sure all the dogs were down for good while Richards started cleaning and examining my wrist. I don't think he meant to hurt me but only Evans standing there waiting to make a comment kept me from jerking away several times.

When he was done and had me bandaged he forced me to take a couple of tablets from his pack. "I hope to God you aren't allergic to anything Boy. This is the best I got when it comes to fighting the infection you're bound to have."

"No," I told him, still shaky and sick to my stomach.

"Sit here, you're shocky and I don't want you crawling away until I say so." The man might be quiet, might have even been a shrink, but he could put some steel in his words when he was inclined to.

After a few minutes Thor and Chuckri walked over while Richards was digging grit out of my scalp. I promise you that is even less fun than it sounds like. I tried to look up so I could see Thor and Chuckri's faces but it was like having tunnel vision and I got real close to needing to puke so I just closed my eyes and told myself to breathe through my nose until it was over.

I heard Thor rumble something and then Richards' voice saying, "Boy needs stitches but the bandaging will have to do. Mostly just lost the top layer of skin where the teeth racked him but he's bruised too. Shock should wear off shortly but I want to keep an eye on him anyway, he's not complaining enough. I've treated grown men with smaller wounds that acted like they were the victims of amputation sans narcotics."

Someone walked away but it turned out it wasn't Thor because I jerked my eyes back open when he bent down and asked quietly, "Anything else hurt besides the wrist and your head?"

I had to blink a couple of times to get my eyes to focus. "What was in those pills?"

"A mild painkiller and Augmentin. You allergic?"

"Naw, just not appreciating the buzz I've got. I hate when people do things for my own good."

He snorted and said, "When that wrist starts singing tomorrow you'll appreciate it. Wanna tell me what happened?"

I explained about the flickers and then jumped involuntarily when another shot rang out. I heard Alfonso called out, "Seventeen!"

"Huh?"

"Dog pack. Looks like strays though some of them do look like they've already got coyote in 'em. Can't tell for sure in this dark. Biggest pack of ferals I've ever run into … or heard of for that matter. Probably attracted to the smell of Evans' pretty feet."

"You only keep that particular direction up if you want me to hurl. We've got to find that man some new boots … and socks … and some Lysol maybe to soak his feet in … and …"

A rumble of laughter told me Thor was no longer worried that my brains were any more scrambled than before. "You'll do. Come on, let me help you up then you do what Richards tells you and get some sleep and let the drugs wear off. You look like you've got a good one tied on."

"Yeah, well don't expect me to take the hair of the dog that bit me in the morning. Even for you guys that would be cruel and unusual punishment."


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

The next morning was not one of the best I'd ever had. I've been injured on the field before so it wasn't like I didn't know what to expect; I'd just never had to cope completely on my own, my parents had always been there to look after me and help me. What made it worse was that for some reason I'd managed to irritate the men by getting hurt. I started to worry that maybe they'd guessed I wasn't one of them. It was Evans that gave me a clue as we stopped for our first break of the day that maybe it was the opposite problem.

"Dumb #$% thing to do to get kilt by dogs," he snarled at me reminding me rather unfortunately of the slobbering beast that had been at me the previous night. He kept on at me until I was beginning to wonder if the fumes off his feet had short changed him some oxygen and his brain had gotten damaged in the process.

"Evans will you knock it off? I'm not dead. If I was dead I wouldn't be sitting right here being tortured by your infernal sermon. It isn't my fault you had your sleep disturbed and you had to mix it up with those playful pups so lighten up already. Tell you what, next time I'll let the beastie eat me; bound to be easier than having you drag me across the coals for something that wasn't any of my fault," I said doing some growling of my own.

Chuckri said in a mild voice that nevertheless got the point across, "If you two lovebirds don't knock it off I'm gonna find you a chaperone." Evans and I looked at each other in disgust, him for his reasons and me for mine. Thor chose that moment to tell us break time was over.

The stretch of the road we were on was desolate but that didn't mean that there weren't some cars that would have to be moved. I was doing OK but mostly because all I was doing was popping clutches or throwing cars into neutral and then pushing from behind with the strength of my legs. I had gotten into an old truck to put it in neutral so it could be rolled when a gust of wind banged the door into my wrist which was already swollen and thumping pretty good. I was running low on patience anyway as the men had been picking at me, again for no reason I could understand, and that dang ol' door hurt.

I lost my temper and kicked the door open so hard I sprung it and then got out and kicked it two more times for good measure. I looked down and nearly went crossed eyed trying to keep from swearing; my wrist was bleeding through the bandage Richards had put on it after breakfast.

I pulled my cuff down to hide it as Richards started my way. "I'm fine, just throwing a tantrum. At least I didn't bust all the windows like Thor did on that Caddie," I said just trying to act like nothing was wrong. At the reminder the man gave an impatient shake of his head and went back to moving his own part of the mess off the road. "Knock it off Rocky. No one is in the mood for your mouth," was his tired admonition.

The blood was starting to seep below my cuff and I needed to figure out some way to hide that too. Surprising me, it was Evans that saved my bacon. He came over like he was going to hurry the kid along with a stick but in a slick move he passed me a wad of good restaurant napkins and said beneath his breath, "There's some duct tape in that work van over there. Come with me and help me go through it and I'll cover for you. Just don't take all day and don't make it obvious."

When it was all done I asked him quietly as I passed out things that might come in handy, "What is this going to cost me?"

The wicked gleam in his eye said that he appreciated my understanding and cutting to the chase. "Next two stashes you find, you call me over and I get first dibs and you let me divvy up whatever is left over."

It was painless enough so I said, "Deal."

It was a long day but we managed through sheer will to make it to the turn off to this place called Buckboard Crossing campground. I was bleary eyed with fatigue by the time we got down to the place. It was still light so some of the men decided to clean up using the water from the marina. All I wanted to do was crawl in my tent and go to sleep. It had been a long time since I had felt this rough.

"And where do you think you're going?"

Thor. That man was turning into a thorn in my side that was beginning to annoy me. I mumbled, "I've got middle watch. Just trying to get a little rest before hand."

"You haven't eaten."

"Not hungry." As soon as I let the words escape my mouth I could have kicked myself. I tried to cover it with a fast, "I'm saving it for …"

"Don't even try it kid. You got a long way to go before you can pull one over on me. Get out here."

I crawled out and tried to look nonchalant but that only got me a contemptuous look. "Barkley's already got a net and a half dozen fish."

"What?" I was amazed enough to look half alive. "Dang, is there anything he can't catch? First those quick little boogers … the ground squirrels … and now a bucketful of fish just for thinking the thought."

"Game warden."

"Hmm?"

"In his old life he was a game warden. Knows his stuff."

"Oh." I was sitting there trying to act like I was interested in what he was saying. Suddenly I catch Richards sitting down on my left side and I looked at Thor. "Dude," and I put every bit of annoyance into the word as I could. He just smiled and said, "Tough. And I'm sitting here until Richards is through with you."

I'd at least gotten rid of the duct tape and napkins while I was in the tent but it had hurt like the dickens. Richards looked at my wrist and then looked at me but didn't say anything. However, in what felt like punishment he wasn't exactly gentle either. When he was done I really did need to go lie down but I got precious little sleep because of the pounding winding its way from my hand to my head. It was a relief to get up for my watch and a relief to lie back down after it too.

I did good to put one foot in front of the other the next day. I know I did work but how many cars I moved I couldn't tell you if my life depended on it. I know I ate breakfast and then the evening meal but again I couldn't tell you what I was eating. My arm felt hot and I knew my body was fighting an infection. My mouth was dry as I asked Evans what watch I was on.

"You're night off kid."

"Are you sure … wait … I'm not due an off night yet I …"

"Chuckri is trying a different rotation. He says it keeps us on our toes."

Falling for it hook, line, and sinker I said, "Oh." Then I crawled into my tent and I didn't even bother taking my boots off. It couldn't have been too late though when I heard strange voices. "You can't stay here. This is our place. And besides, you'll draw the dogs with your soft-sides."

I heard Thor's rumble but couldn't understand what he was saying, things seemed to be shifting all funny.

Another voice answered him, this one female. "Look, I'm really sorry but we don't have anything to share. You'll have to leave."

This time it was Chuckri who said, "We don't want any of your stuff, just this piece of ground for the night.

There was some more rumbling and then I heard Evans yelp, "Silver?! You're all jacked up. And we sure as #$% don't have any gold!"

The voices were like needles piercing my skull. I reached into the money belt that had become my habit to keep around my waist and pulled out two little silver bars. "Sorry Jonathon, hope you understand buddy," I said to the tent pole.

I crawled out and walked like a drunken sailor over to this little man whose eyes got big as butter bowls as I stumbled over. "Evans!" I bellowed making everyone look at me.

Evans couldn't decide whether to laugh at me or swear because I was interrupting his bartering discussion. I grabbed his hand and slammed the two little bars down in it hard enough to make him wince and said, "Make … them … go … away. They're noisier than them dogs were and no one can get any sleep." I tried to go back to my bed roll but I didn't quite make it. I tripped over my feet and just managed to sit down at a picnic table while trying to look like that's exactly what I had meant to do.

"Whot's wrang with heem?" came a heavily accented voice.

Evans said, "A sweet little pup tried to turn him into a doggie biscuit." My forehead slowly descended to the top of the table while Evans went back to dickering.

"Hey mate, let's see the ahm there." I opened one eye to look into the face of someone that was too cheerful to be allowed to live. All that came out was a growl. "Right friendly little fella ain't he?" the man said to someone on my other side that was too much trouble to look at.

"Rocky, you bite me and I'll plant you." Thor. So caring. So kind. If I had had the energy to show him how much I appreciated his concern I would have willingly done so. The big ape.

Someone, Thor I expect, lifted my arm onto the table and I focused on not puking. I hated puking. It is just about the most undignified thing I can imagine … not to mention people who are nearly six feet tall have a lot of puke volume and projection capability.

After a little while I hear the accent say, "Your mate's got an infection but I expect that's no surprise to you. I'm gonna give heem a shot that'll put 'em out for a full day most like. Let 'em sleep it off. Unless he develops a fevah he should turn the corner right quick after that."

The last thing I remember was being stuffed back into my tent then at some point during the night having Thor stick his head in the tent and me telling him, "If I die, remind me to tell you something."

I woke up feeling like I was going to puke … not from being sick but from hunger. I noticed that despite the relatively cool weather I'd sweated through my clothes and I stank pretty bad. I didn't hear anything outside, nor anything identifiable off in the distance. Wondering if they'd left me behind I pushed my tent's flap to the side and was startled to see all the men sitting around moping.

"Geez. Somebody die?" I asked. I wasn't sure if I had meant to say it out loud but it sure got a reaction.

I started crawling out and I had more hands of helping me up than I knew what to do with.

Evans said, "Kid, you do that again and I'll kill ya."

He was a little too cheerful when he said it. I responded with, "Well, as soon as you tell me what I'm supposed to have done I'll do my best to avoid it."

"Pshaw," which of course meant absolutely nothing to me and only confused me more.

I was forcibly parked at the picnic table while my hand was suddenly filled with my canteen. When what I thought was water hit my lips I found something both sweet and salty. "Drink it." That was Richards.

It quenched my thirst and most of my hunger for the time being. "What's up? Is the caravan here yet? Have we had the debriefing? Why isn't anyone packed up?"

They told me that I'd been out of it for over twenty-four hours, that the caravan was late … probably due to the route change … and that we were in the town of Green River and there was a sizeable community here that had decided to tolerate our presence and that they'd already heard about the federal refugee caravan and had agreed to let them stay in the same park that we currently occupied.

I was just starting to wonder if I had the energy to dig the bag of gorp out of my backpack when Thor, Chuckri, and another man walked up. Thor was looking like his thunderous namesake. I held up the hand that Richards wasn't working on and said, "I know, I know. Evans has already promised to kill me if I do whatever it was I did again."

All the big man said was, "He'll have to wait in line."

The other man grinned and I vaguely recognized the excessively cheerful man. I groaned, "Not you again."

He didn't act like he was offended. In fact he seemed to think it was funny … but I wasn't quite sure that I'd meant it to be. He was a professor from some university somewhere that had been at the Rec area on vacation when everything unraveled. He and his family were doing well enough and were actually happy about no longer living in the big city even if they were having to start over. I wasn't really listening to his rattling on as I was concentrating on not feeling all the poking and prodding he was doing to my wrist.

"Swellings almost gone. At night when there's less chance of getting it dirty you need to let the wound air." He then ignored me and continued talking to Richards while I promised God that I'd be a good girl for the rest of my life if they would just leave me alone for a while.

Apparently in exchange for his services, Richards had bargained a bit of his time going over the few psychotropic meds they had in stock. That and the silver that I had passed to Evans was giving us and the caravan safe passage between Green River and the next small town called Rock Springs.

I spent the rest of that day trying to get loose from my babysitters. I needed a little privacy to get myself cleaned up and it was tough to come by. I had to use the men's bathroom of course but that meant being prepared to share space with a species that didn't seem to have the same privacy issues that real females had. I nearly died three times over trying to change fast enough I didn't get caught and then getting stuck in the john with a couple of zipper users. All right, I'll admit that my limited experience … OK zero experience due to circumstances not really beyond my control … had me dealing with a little temptation to see what all the fuss was about but had I gotten caught looking I would have probably gotten some pretty strange looks in return. In the end I just walked out looking straight ahead and trying not to catch anyone's eye.

We traded a few items we'd found and been dragging around plus a little of our wheat and corn that someone said they were going to use for seed; in exchange we got some canned fruit. We all got a canned peach half and I used the left over juice to marinade a small canned ham I had left from Nana's stash. We also had rice and beans. I could have eaten the whole pot myself and then some I was that hungry by the time the evening meal rolled around. In the end I was more tired than hungry and was again excused from guard duty to rest up. I knew pay back would come eventually but I wouldn't be any good with a rifle for a little while yet anyway.

The caravan showed up the next day and they were looking the worse for wear. Apparently there had been a minor mutiny and some people had been "dealt with" as the feds were wont to do. We got debriefed, re-supplied, and out of there as fast as we could get. The emotions coming off the refugees didn't bode well for long term peace and harmony of that group. We still had about 225 miles until Laramie and we wanted to put as many of them between us and the caravan as quickly as possible.

All we did that first day was walk. The communities of Green River and Rock Springs had cleared most of them already and the few that were left … like those from a three car fire … could be detoured around, if not quickly at least safely. Even with me holding us back we were able to get well on the other side of the county airport but most of the last stretch was due to a farmer who was willing to barter the lift for the muscle to get one last pile up from blocking his main gate. We camped on the hillside beside this gate and I finally started feeling less like there was something hanging over my head waiting to crash down.

The next day we made it to Point of Rocks, Wyoming which is an old stage coach stop. There wasn't anything there anymore except for the Jim Bridger Power Station that was a pretty big coal-fired electrical generation facility. It was all shut down and looking haunted but the farmer had said that people were going out there and taking what coal was left in the train yard to use in their houses or to store for next winter since it wasn't likely that the feds would have everything cleaned up by then. I snagged up a few pieces of coal and put them in a baggie. If nothing else they might be useful keeping a fire going at some point. Several of the other men did the same.

The map showed us that Hwy 30 and I80 were the same thing in that area and as expected our distance traveled drastically fell as we ran into the bumper to bumper traffic remains. It took us two days to travel from Point of Rocks to Table Rock for a total of 24 more miles. Between Table Rock and Red Desert we had even more fun as there was construction on top of everything else making it very hard to move vehicles over far enough to allow the caravan to pass. We barely made ten miles that day.

With one day left we only got eight miles into the town of Wamsutter. We were supposed to be much closer to Rawlings but there was just no way to have made that happen. We used what was left of the sixth day to forage around in the empty town … finding some bicycles helped with that … and we also sent the stuff we'd been collecting on ahead to be cached since we'd run into space empty of people again. Enough of the cars still had bodies in them that Richards surmised that one of the weaponized germs had come through the area so hot that it burned out before it could spread as far as Green River.

The smell of the area was getting to me so it was with relief that I saw an advance guard from the caravan pull up for a debriefing and with our supplies. On second thought when I realized how slim the resupply was I nearly said something until Evans caught my eye and gave a brief shake. He and I still weren't friends but as I'd come to accept him for who he was our exchanges had become less irritating. Don't get me wrong, his feet still knocked flies out of the air, but I also managed to learn a few things from him too like breaking and entering in three easy steps, determining whether car theft should be a hobby or a career, and where people were most likely to hide their valuables.

Since it was in our own best interest to get going that's what we did but I had to ask once out of earshot, "Did anyone else get the feeling that they were a little too anxious to send us on our way?"

Evans answered me with, "Something's sure up. We're gonna get hungry if we don't find us a deer, elk, or something though they might be stringy and tough right here after a hard winter. I know we keep finding snacks in the cars but Rocky here is the only one that is young enough to appreciate all them empty calories."

I looked at him like I was seeing a side I hadn't expected. He laughed unexpectedly and said, " #$% kid you're gullible."

The other men laughed at my expense whnd said, "s."e that is ygy and tough right here after a hard winter. I know we keep findiich was fine by me. I was just glad that they weren't snarking at me all the time anymore. I looked down at my wrist. Everything was almost one hundred percent again but I'd carry the scars for life. I had others on my body but not quite this obvious and the part of me that was still a girl wondered just how ugly they would stay.

I brought the attention back to my question, "But seriously, weren't they acting kinda more weird than normal?"

Thor, backing up Chuckri's point position said, "Yeah. Yeah they were. Something must have happened and either they've lost feds or they've lost refugees … either way they didn't want us hanging around to see the main body come in. And Evans is right, keep your eyes peeled for some real food. We're down about half what I figure we were due and they knew I knew but were all but daring me to say something about it." After a pause he continued. "But listen up, none of that is our problem right now. Our job is to get the road cleared enough for them to get to Laramie. We're down below a hundred and fifty miles now; that's two, three weeks at most barring something getting in the way besides vehicles. The other thing we need to count on is running into more people."

Barkley picked up the thread. "There have been sign that some have been around but can't be anything too organized or more of the cars and trucks would be ransacked. That probably means only small groups of people, not necessarily stationary or not living close enough to carry off too much from any foraging operations. The game is slim … slimmer than I'd expect it to be … so someone is hunting, or maybe it was the bad winter. I don't know what the normal wild animal populations were in this area to begin with."

Thor picked it back up. "And with Laramie as close as it is we need to start thinking about what we do next. I've heard from some of you but I want all of you to think real good before making your final decision. Just to let you know, I've agreed to buddy with Chuckri to his home base in Missouri. We've both agreed that any of you would be welcome to tag along but as a group we never agreed to more than to get to Laramie. Just think on it."


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Yeah, that gave me a lot to chew on all right. I had thought it was going to be so simple. Cross the mountains with a group and then go my merry way. I hadn't intended on getting … well attached I guess you would call it … to the people I was traveling with. I also hadn't realize how hard and dangerous the trek would be. If I hadn't been with these men I would have been puppy chow or I could have fallen to any number of other things along the road. Certainly there would have been an issue of supplies, sharing night watch, and loneliness. Now that harsh reality had made itself known I was running out of time to decide what to do.

I gave myself a deadline. We'd already cross the Continental Divide between Table Rock and Red Dessert. I'd missed it because construction had the sign down. We'd cross the Divide again right before we got into Rawlins. Before I got to there I wanted to talk to Thor and see if I was included in that "welcome to come along" statement or if it only applied to the real men.

We'd travelled two days and thirty miles and I was running out of time. The only time I wasn't thinking about it was when Evans had me pawing through a vehicle looking for goodies to put in the bike trailers we all took turn pulling. Every day I found it amazing how little truly useful items people had gathered to take with them for the end of the world. But there were the occasional finds worth the trouble of their weight. What little food we found was usually eaten within a day or two of the find. It takes a lot of calories to feed eight people that have been doing hard labor all day. The bottles of water came in handy as well because natural water sources were few and far between. I had a feeling that was going to get worse once I was out on the Great Plains.

The night of that second day we were camped next to a pull out. For once Richards had another target. Evans had finally simply grossed everyone out so much that they'd appealed to Richards to see what could be done about the foot odor. Richards was really laying into Evans about the state his feet were in and had him sitting with his feet in a plastic pan that contained a strong solution of Lysol, water, and who knows what else. I was sympathetic as I had been the man's focus often enough but not so sympathetic that I didn't appreciate being out from under the microscope for the night.

The day had been a hard one and not just because we'd moved a car after car after car, some of which we just pushed over the edge and let them crash where they may however far down they went. What had been hard was the number of bodies that many of the vehicles still contained. The worst had been the school bus full of kids. Not even Evans had a snappy remark for that one. We were all a little morose and choosing to be more quiet than normal. I felt set apart, unable to release that part of me that exercising might have given me more comfort; there is something said for the release that comes from shedding tears. I needed some physical distance to make the emotional one from them men easier for me to handle.

I didn't go far, just on the other side of some rocks so they were no longer in my line of sight. I'd been there maybe ten minutes and had begun to relax when Thor showed up. I prayed silently, "Please, please, please not another lecture."

"Most of the other men have already given me there answers. You come up with one yet?"

I realized he was asking me about my traveling plans and it looked like my three days had turn to two. "I … I wasn't real sure if … you know … I was … invited."

He never once looked at me. "I couldn't not include you."

Oh great. At least now I had my answer. I sighed. "Thor, that tells me more than it doesn't. I know I'm not part of your group of guys. I know you all got stuck with me. I know I've caused some problems. But I also did my best to carry my own load and help out. I thought maybe I was making up for my short comings." I heard him rumble but interrupted him before the rumble could be put into words. "I'd wondered where I stood and you just told me. Don't sweat it. As soon as the feds release the group …"

"Hey Kid … get off your duff and come give me a hand!" Evans. I stood up and went to go help.

"Rocky …" Thor started.

"Forget it. It's better off all around now that I know where I stand. I can get my own plans figured out quicker."

I tried real hard not to let my feelings be hurt. It was stupid really considering I'd already had my suspicions. Evans was so foul that everyone was just happy that I was the dumb sucker that got to deal with him. They stayed away and no one noticed if I was quiet by choice or quiet because I was trying to keep Evans from chewing me out even more.

Ten miles of back breaking labor the next day and we were in Rawlins. It was the biggest place we'd been to at a while but where the population of 10,000 souls went was anyone's guess. It wasn't until mid-morning of the seventh day that we got an inkling. Evans, scrounging around for some new boots so he could get Richards off his back, found a broadsheet from a small local newspaper. Apparently some threat, or more likely rumor of a threat, had been identified and the town had been evacuated … which also explained the miles upon miles of cars that apparently went in both directions of I80.

We ate well that night as there was still lots of canned food in the stores. It wasn't all on the shelves, there was a lot just rolling around on the floors, but the town hadn't been completely panic-stripped before people left town. But somewhere about my third bite I realized something was different and then I understood what it was. The gulf that I thought I had built a bridge across was widening. It wasn't them against me or vice versa but it definitely wasn't one for all and all for one either. I crawled into my tent, I had last watch and I knew it would be a while until I could fall asleep.

Three AM rolled around and the watch with the vibrating alarm woke me before anyone else had to. I'd found the watch in a pawn shop slash beer joint the day before and knew that if I was going to be on my own it would come in handy. I crawled out to find Evans taking a brush to his feet like he wanted to scratch the first couple of layers of skin off.

He groused quietly after Barkley had gone off to get some sleep. "If he'd just left me alone … I had it under control … now this stuff is driving me insane."

"You're making it worse," I told him. "You're breaking the skin, drying it out, and give it more places to take up residence. Soak your feet in some more Lysol and then put some of that foot cream on them and then clean socks. The new boots should help."

"My old ones were broke in."

"Your old ones could petrify Medusa. Tell me you chunked 'em."

"Didn't have any choice. Richards threw 'em in the fire. And anyway, it's too cold to soak my feet. I'll catch my death."

"Don't be a baby. What's worse? A running nose or itchy feet?"

After a lot of quiet moaning and groaning Evans finally finished soaking his feet and doing the other that I'd suggested. He said it was now too late to bother with going to bed as it would only make him more tired. "Hey, I meant to ask … why you think you can just go off on your own at Laramie?"

I did not want to have this conversation but it is pretty hard to ignore someone when they won't let you. "You got some hot little cheerleader waiting for you back home that you afraid one of us will take?"

I snorted a quiet laugh, "Nope."

"Then what's up?"

I looked at him but he knew already which was a good thing because I wasn't looking forward to another lie. "I'm not part of the team. I know that. You know that. Y'all have been good to me, I've learned stuff, but that doesn't make me part of the team."

"Kid …"

"Don't get me wrong," I interrupted him. "I appreciate it … even getting hassled … well some of the time anyway. But there was always going to be a time when I was going to get cut and released to find my own way. Laramie is just as good a point as any for that to happen. Really, what's the sense in putting it off?"

Before Evans could answer my rhetorical question the sound of a heavy engine caught my ear. I stood up to try and figure out the directions while the other men went to wake everyone up. It was coming up too fast and then was forced to brake accordingly before losing control. It was the forward guard for the caravan.

"Dang. What spooked you?" I asked the driver who couldn't have been much older than me.

"There are dead bodies everywhere," he said before a more senior member of the guard could shut him up.

I tried to say as calmly as I could, "Better than live bodies I expect. They might cause more trouble." That caught the guy's attention and some of the crazy went out of his eyes. But that was the last interchange I was allowed to have with him as he was shifted to the back of the truck where they dropped off our supplies and told us to get.

Thor asked, "What about the debriefing?"

"We have our orders and they were to deliver these supplies and then send you on your way," this from a heavily mustached man that looked like he'd seen way too much in way too short a period of time. It was like trying to talk to a wall to get anything else out of him so we packed our gear and got back on the road with one less day of rest than we had expected.

Adding the miles up gave us a hundred miles to Laramie and it looked like that might get eat up faster than I had expected it to. We made it to Walcott despite the distance because fifteen miles outside of Rawlins the traffic went way down. I was too tired to do much more than take my shift that night. I knew the men were tired as well but I felt like I was already being cut from the loop.

The next day we made it to Elk Mountain. There were people around but we all tended to stick to our groups rather than communicate with each other. I tried asking different groups what the road ahead was like but they treated me like … well they treated me like folks used to treat me when they found out I was a GWB, like I was a freak. Next town was Arlington and that's where we ran into a road cleaning crew from Laramie and got some answers.

Yes, Laramie had been under the control of the feds but they'd been removed from control by the local citizenry when they tried to say that the Constitution was not applicable to the current situation. Times were hard in the surrounding area and there was quite a dust up when the feds were deposed. Infrastructure was non-existent but groups were trying to do what they could. The roads were being cleared. The dead were being given a decent burial. Orphans and the frail elderly were being cared for by their neighbors. Work crews were being put together to help gather items from vacant buildings and businesses so that it could be used as constructively as possible. No one single person or group was in charge but there was a main committee that held open meetings so anyone could make a concern known or get help in solving a problem.

Evans, nearly the only one of the men who I could still talk to, said over one of our late night discussions, "I'd be interested in knowing if those people behind us know what they are rolling into."

I understood he was talking about the feds. I wondered, "And does this change things for us?"

"Huh?"

"You know, whether … I don't know what to call it. Can they still threaten us in some way?"

"Oh … guess you didn't hear Chuckri. Since we'd have to go through Laramie anyway to get into Nebraska we're going to try and end the job on a civil note. No reason to make enemies if we don't have to."

Ouch. I guess they didn't think I had any reason to know or care about it at this point. Or that I'd go along just like I always had. I refused to let Evans see that hurt like it did so all I said was, "OK."

We were half way between Arlington and Laramie when that the truck that had been used by the forward guard caught up with us. The woman I'd met my first day was riding shotgun … but she wasn't in uniform.

I'll have to admit they made their BS sound all official. They even gave us a computer printed piece of letterhead with a bunch of numbers on it saying that we'd been released from activity duty and could return to our former command. Then they sped off like they were in a hurry to get someplace … or get away from something.

Reading the letter I said, "Good trick but I didn't have a command. I could have made something that looked better than this thing using a little cut and paste and a cheap publishing program. They didn't even spell my name right."

Evans slapped my back and told me, "Don't complain. It'll do for what I need it for."

For lack of anything better to do, the next day I followed them the rest of the way into Laramie. We arrived on what turned out to be market day. The streets were wall-to-wall people, buggies, wagons, and animals from the surrounding areas. I was still trying to figure out what I was going to do when suddenly a voice blasted in my ear.

"Charbonneau! Are you deaf?!" I knew that voice but was trying to place it. "Dang Rocky I knew it was you. Hair's different but it's still you." I looked into the face and finally recognized who it was. The last time I'd seen him they were carrying him off the field on a stretcher. I'd sacked him during the play offs of my freshman year. Oh crap.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

Josiah "Fast Hands" Crabtree III … and he wasn't just called "Fast Hands" on the field if you catch my drift. For some reason Joe … his preferred name … had taken a liking to me despite all of the controversy at the time. Even after our game we'd kept in touch via Facebook, ICQ, and Skype. I remember him saying that, "It's a good thing that was the last game of my senior year or they would never have let me live it down."

For Joe football had been a past time not a passion. After graduation he'd joined the military and left "to see the world." I hadn't heard from him in about a year because of the nature of his deployment. I had heard that he'd gotten injured but not to what extent. The eye patch was shocking as was the scar that ran from under the patch to his ear.

I thought all these things while I stood there with my mouth hanging open. His smile had started to falter when I said, "Joe? Is that really you?"

That lit him up. His pearlies were still as big and shiny as ever; he'd always reminded me a bit of a wolf like in that story. "I was beginning to think you'd forgotten me."

"Not likely," I muttered which caused him to laugh.

Then I turned around to see whether it was a problem I was holding the men up … only I wasn't, because they weren't there. I turned in a circle and saw them heading away at a pace that had folks parting like the Red Sea. What the heck? The only one that looked back was Evans who saluted in his smart aleck way and then turned it into a wave that was more subdued … and maybe I imagined it, but a little sad. He nodded before turning back around and never looking back again. I couldn't believe it. The one guy that had given me the most grief was the only one that bothered to say goodbye.

"Hey, those friends of yours?"

It took me a second before I could say, "I … I guess not." Then I pulled my defensive line together and said, "What are you doing here?"

"Came out here to help move my sister and her in-laws to my brother's place in Nebraska. Aren't you pretty far from home?"

"Not as far as I was. I was at a conference in San Francisco when everything started." I still wasn't ready to go into details, not that he'd asked, but at least I could say that much now without falling into a blue funk.

I was still trying to process that the men had just walked away, abandoned me. But then I reminded myself they didn't know I was a girl, I was supposed to be an independent young man and apparently I'd pulled it off, maybe too well. On the other hand, out of the blue here was someone that knew I was a girl and before I'd had time to even worry that I was going to be outed it didn't seem to matter anymore.

"Hey, you OK? You look a little shell-shocked. And what's the deal with the hair, I thought you swore it would be Judgment Day before you would ever cut it."

I sighed, "Long story." Then I just kind of stood there trying to figure out what to do.

Joe saved me from having to think too hard. "Come on. I want to introduce you to my wife."

I nearly swallowed my teeth. "Your what?!"

His grin got big and goofy. "Sheila." One word but it told me either he was really and truly in love or something really close to it.

Joe wasn't quite as big as I was but he was no small boy either and the years since highschool and whatever he had experienced had changed him into a grown man which gave him a certain presence that made up for his few missing inches. As we left the intersection where we had met I realized I was leaving another part of my life behind again; my childhood in San Francisco, my real female identity was buried with Jonathon, and now I was losing the one that I'd put together to replace the one I had buried. Who was I now? What was I now?

It took over an hour, and we weren't really able to talk that much because of the crowds and noise, but finally we came to a quieter area. "So tell me, what's a girl like you doing traveling with men like that?"

I heard the big brother tone in his voice and I had the sudden urge to laugh at the whole cosmic joke. "A girl like me wasn't traveling with those men, a young man named Rocky was."

He looked at me three times before he said, "Are you telling me that they never knew who you were? That you were a girl?"

And just as suddenly it wasn't funny anymore. "They're all dead Joe. All the people in the world I had to care about. I didn't have anyone. And if any are left they are back home and that is all I'm trying to get back to. A girl by herself is going to be an easy target, even one my size … a girl in a group doesn't stand that much of a better chance. I just didn't feel like I had much of a choice. It's not like people haven't been mistaking me for a boy for years."

"Only the blind and the idiots," he snorted. Then after looking me over, "Although, with your hair cut that way … and you've changed how you hold yourself too. I'd have to see you in action to see if you really pulled it off."

"Trust me," I said wryly. "I pulled it off. Those guys would have used any excuse to get rid of me."

"I thought you said they were friends."

After a pause I said, "You can get used to nearly anything. We were traveling companions. We worked together clearing roads. They were already a group of long standing before I came along."

"Like that was it?" When I looked at him he said, "I've been there Rocky. You can be a buddy to someone without ever being able to create a friendship with them. It's not your fault, it just is."

I thought about it a moment and then said, "Yeah … maybe. Whatever it was it is over now. And I have to find some way to keep going without winding up dead or wishing I was. I've got a lot of miles ahead of me still."

And he grinned again and said, "And I might just have a way to get you some further down the road. The team that was going to help me get my family to Llewellyn got made a better offer than I couldn't top. I can't pay much but I'll feed you and you can travel with us. And I'll have an extra hand that knows how to handle a gun and that I know is a team player."

It didn't even take me two seconds to decide. I stuck out my hand to shake on it and said, "Deal."

Two days later Joe's sister's family was as packed as the wagon could hold and the horses could pull. I had asked Joe to keep my identity to himself … or at least my sex. He insisted on telling Sheila but after meeting her I had no problem with it. She was everything I was not and could never be through no fault of my own or hers; but she was nice and didn't mean to make me feel like the ugly stepsister of the Bride of Frankenstein. She was petite, fair skinned, blue eyed and graceful, reminding me that Joe had said she'd studied ballet until they'd gotten married.

Joe couldn't find another team to help out that didn't want an arm and a leg for their services so he teamed up with another family that was also heading to family in Nebraska and everyone agreed to share chores and security. The first night Joe, Orland who was the head of the other family, and I sat and looked at my maps and started planning the route. I was calculating mileage when I got my first shock.

"Why do you all keep saying take Hwy 30? Wouldn't it be faster to continue on I80 and then cut north?"

Joe looked at me and said, "I guess you haven't heard about Cheyenne."

"Haven't heard what about Cheyenne?"

"It isn't," Orland said.

"Isn't what?" I asked

"Isn't there."

"Excuse me?" I asked thinking I couldn't have heard what I thought I'd heard.

Joe said, "Well that's not strictly true. Cheyenne is still there, mostly. But it's messed up. Several smallish dirty bombs went off. Anyone that tries to go through that area either comes out sick or never comes out."

"But …. But Laramie is only about sixty miles from Cheyenne. What are you all doing sitting here so calm about it."

"They were underground detonations. The radiation is very localized for the most part. It was worrisome at first but what little bit made it this far dissipated as soon as we had that gully washer that settled the dust."

Orland added, "But I will admit the thought of getting out of here and putting more distance between us and that place doesn't exactly make me feel bad."

For some reason that night I dreamed of Thor and the other men. We were at that same camp where I'd suggested that Evans soak his feet even at the risk of getting a cold. In the dream he was doing it again only the basin was full of blood and sores were creeping up his legs. "Bought me some new boots from Cheyenne. What do you think of them?" When he lifted his feet out of the water/blood they were nothing but bones. I sat up with a jerk.

"Just a dream," I reminded myself. But the dream started me to wondering. And the wondering started me thinking.

No … they wouldn't not hear about Cheyenne. They'd hear about it and go around. I hope they'd talk about it before they hit the road. But what if no one would talk back? Let them know?

There was absolutely nothing I could do about it but it still made me queasy. The memory of the dream bothered me; so did the realization that I was more hurt than I wanted to admit by the fact that they hadn't bothered to feel like a real goodbye was in order. It left me feeling too much like a girl and that was something I could no longer afford the luxury of.

We started early the next day after a breakfast of biscuits and ham that had been fixed the night before. We headed out of town eventually getting on SR34. It was sixty miles to Natwick and it took us a week to get there. I had thought I was done moving road blockages but it was a good thing I hadn't lost the skill. I had it down to a science and only rarely did I need some extra help. It isn't that there were many roadblocks but the ones still there were vicious. Sometimes all I could do was move the debris just enough for the wagons to squeak by.

It wasn't just the blockages. The wagons were loaded down. Eventually the families started unloading a few things to make it easier on the animals and safer on the uncertain conditions of the road. The first to go were the sofas and then the larger electronic items that really didn't mean anything anymore; people were just holding on to them "just in case." Dressers were left behind unless they were an antique or a good quality solid wood. Large bed frames and box springs were left on the side of the road and only the best mattresses kept.

Joe's and Orland's families weren't the only ones doing this. Everywhere I looked it reminded me of a hillbilly flea market that someone forgot to clean up after. People learned fast what was a necessity and what was a luxury or they broke down and found themselves stuck on the side of the road; and there more than a few of them as well.

Horses, especially horses that could pull a fully loaded wagon, were precious property. As we travelled the road we heard of horse thieves and runaway animals which doubled the guards we had already set through the night.

The company was boring but I was still glad that I agreed to come along. Lightening the wagons and rebalancing some of the loads increased our speed. I could still keep up on foot but I was in shape for it.

Joe said, "Dang Rocky, how many miles did you say you had already done this?"

I shrugged, "I've lost count but it is bound to be nearing three-fifty." I was all but inhaling the chili that Orland's wife had fixed. It was the hottest chili I'd ever eaten in my life but it was so good I was willing to lose all the hair off my tongue to get the last bit out of the bottom of the bowl. "I'm still going slower than I expected to. Naw … don't feel bad. We're speeding up. What I mean is that I've still got a long ways to go even after I see you all off in Nebraska. I've got this little bit of Wyoming left and then all of Nebraska and Missouri and once I get that far I'm still looking and the whole length of Tennessee before I hit the winding roads of the Smokies. If I can get to Newfound Gap I'm going to try and use the Appalachian Trail to cut off miles, assuming I don't have to hold up someplace for the winter."

"Why not … why not stay in Nebraska. Sheila has a brother …"

I almost choked on the last bean. "Don't start Joe. Though I appreciate the thought … I just …" I trailed off and then said, "I'm looking for where I belong." I laughed and shook my head. "I sound like Dorothy; all I need are some ruby slippers."

"I hope you change your mind Rocky. Sheila likes you too. You know where I met her?"

"No, last I heard you were into the red-headed twins of Toledo."

He laughed, "That was a while ago and I doubt they'd be quite as happy about showing me off, not with this face."

"Joe …"

He interrupted me, "You want to know what I didn't let you know I was back?"

"It's your business."

"No … well it was … but … it was because you would totally understand how people looking at me funny and suddenly treating me like I was some kind of … of mutant or something made me feel. If you were there I couldn't feel sorry for myself. You'd remind me that I didn't have to let it stop me from doing what I wanted to do. What was stopping me was that I didn't know what I wanted to do. Losing the eye ended the only career I'd ever thought of having. My parents had property out here and they retired when I went into the military. I tried to bury myself out in the sticks but one time in town I met this cute little thing and … and she may be cute and she may be little but she is one of the strongest people I know."

I wasn't sure what I was supposed to say. "She's seems nice. I can tell you two are good together."

"Rocky … I wish you could find something like this."

I'd met people like this before. They've found something or someone that has made them happy, not just happy but infinitely happy. In turn they wanted this for everyone around them. I honestly wasn't certain if there was somebody for me like that out there. I hadn't even thought about it much until Jonathon turned those thoughts on inside my head. I wasn't comfortable with Jonathon pushing me and I was even less so with Joe trying to hook me up with a guy I'd never even known existed until he'd mentioned him. No, I sure wasn't ready for what people were wanting me to find, I had too far to go and it was too uncertain I would get there.

Lucky for me Sheila called him over to check the ropes on one of the wagons and that left me to walk around the area we were camped in before getting ready for first watch … and relieved that I was able to make my escape.

Another week, two detours, and sixty miles found us camped on the grounds of the old Ft. Laramie national historic site. We weren't the only ones so Joe and parked the four wagons in a square except for the opening we walked the horses through. It was tight quarters but they were placid animals. It meant that no one could simply cut their pickets and walk off with them.

It was a rough night and I got very little sleep. A large group came in with liquor and there were brawls and loud racket off and on until about three in the morning. Joe muttered to me, "If they've got enough energy to cause this kind of trouble they aren't working hard enough. I swear I'm about to go over and shoot that guy if he sings one more verse of Yellow Rose of Texas."

"Not if I get to him first," I muttered back. "I swear that voice … no … uh uh … oh Lord."

"What?"

"I just cannot believe this."


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

I left Joe standing there with his mouth open on another question. At any other time he would have followed me but he had the security of the two families in his hands even with his brother in law backing him up … dentists may be scary but this guy reminded me of a toothpick suffering from anorexia. Not to be disrespectful – he was smart after all – but as "security" in the event of anything heavy coming down he was pretty much useless.

My size doesn't let me "sneak" very well but with only a bit of firelight here and there I was able to hide most of me in shadows. At three in the morning I could see that there were a lot of sleepy guards stationed at the different wagon groups. I scared one young boy nearly to death by taping him on the shoulder to show him one of the horses was starting to wander off. Guess I must have looked like a boogeyman to him.

Most of the noise was coming from over near the old cavalry barracks. I winded my way through several passed out drunks … or I assume they were drunk as my dad had never set that kind of example for me … until I got close enough I could see the remaining revelers. Suddenly my mad turned to concern.

Evans looked like he'd been through a meat grinder. How he was still on his feet I couldn't fathom; until I saw it was because he had been tied upright to a wooden porch rail. He was done in but every time he stopped singing one of the drunks would point a gun at him and then laugh. I don't know what had happened and I was beginning to worry that I didn't see the rest of the men anywhere around.

As I watched two more drunks passed out leaving four still amongst the land of the conscious … but three of those four didn't look like they had much left in them. The fourth though looked awake and mean, though he was still definitely drunk.

I crept as close as I could which meant coming up around and behind the meanest one. I couldn't just shoot him. Aside from the little bit of moral quandary I had over killing in cold blood I didn't want to risk waking everyone camped in the area and having a long drawn out discussion … especially since I didn't know what Evans story was yet. I picked up a good size branch out of their woodpile – they had a whole wagon load for some reason – who circumference and bicep would have measured pretty close to the same. It made a great bat.

The guy never saw it coming and the other three drunks just smiled and slowly slid into oblivion leaving Evans and I face to face.

"Kid? Am I seeing things now on top of everything else?"

I whispered, "No … and be quiet. I did more than tap sleeping beauty there but since I'm not sure how hard his head is I'm not sure how long he'll be out."

They'd tied his hands so tight they'd nearly cut the circulation off and I know it was painful when it started coming back from the look on his face. But I had been right, the post was the only thing holding him up and I wound up having to take him in a fireman's carry because he just didn't have much left in him.

We were nearly clear when he banged me on the back and said quietly, "My gear." I saw he was pointing to one of the wagons I looked over the side and sure enough his packs were there, thought looking a little worse for wear. "Grab that smaller one too."

What did he think I was? A pack mule? But I did it and was surprised by the weight. I sighed knowing what was likely inside. "Does this stuff belong to you?"

"It does now. Consider it recompense for my pain and suffering that I'll never get to sue for in civil court."

I snorted and took it anyway. I got him over to our wagons and Joe and I started to clean him up. "No time for that," he mumbled through parched and bleeding lips. "You gotta get outta here. Them there are some serious baddies Kid. I shoulda told you to just stay out of it. I didn't know you had folks with ya."

It was Joe who grin turned from wolf to shark. "Let's go see what we can see."

This was the old Joe, the one that could never resist a good fight. I shook my head but knew he was going to go with or without me. Sheila showing up and giving it her blessing made me even more determined to keep him out of trouble. While Sheila continued to take care of Evans – warned by my silent admonition to not let the cat out of the bag – Joe and I slid back over to the camp of drunks.

Joe just shook his head and we started quietly going through the other two wagons and the saddle bags lying all over the place. Then Joe pulled a great big wad of something out of one of the saddlebags and his shark's grin turned decidedly wicked. It was a bunch of them plastic ties like they put on rioters, the same ones that have been used to attach Evans to the post.

We started tying the hand of one drunk to the ankle of another and then overlapping them sometimes as well with a third drunk. I went from concern to fear of laughing after I realized just how drunk these guys were. Some of them had even … er … relieved themselves in their own drawers. When it came time for the guy that I had clunked we took particular care and added a blindfold as well just to confuse him even more so that if he did wake up before we got away we'd have the most time we could get. We took all the guns we saw and the knives as well; there was no sense into going to all of that trouble if we were going to make it easy on them.

As a last insult we turned all of their horses loose and pulled the pins out of the wagon tongues. We both had a hard time not laughing but we put a move on our go as well. We quietly woke everyone in our group, loaded up and got out of there just as the sun was making the sky pink. Evans had managed to stay awake and I climbed into the wagon they had done their best to get him secured in.

"So, what's the story. Last I saw you …"

He groaned, "Kid, it … it was a mistake. I thought Thor knew you had fallen back, a couple of us did. When he found out, it was like you had fallen off the face of the planet. When Barkley mentioned the guy that had stopped you had an eye patch Thor acted like an old woman. He's been a pain in the #$ since you took off."

"I didn't take off. I stopped to talk to an old friend. We played football together."

"Yeah? Whadda ya know?"

I thought he had finally passed out but then he said, "Aren't you going ta ask about the others?"

"I thought you were resting." I was still trying to decide if he was making up a story to get on my good side.

"Sure Kid. Yeah sure," he said like he didn't quite believe me. "We were trying to bargain for horses or supplies only people think a whole lotta what they got and want more than they're worth. A couple of us went to this outdoor bar to do a little gambling and make some contacts. Something went wrong. I guess someone figured out those ol' boys were cheatin' and it all broke loose. I got hit from behind and woke up tied over the back end of a mule. Don't ask me why except it was out of meanness. I'd clued to their game early on and played around their cheats and managed to win more than a few hands from that guy you knocked out."

"How long they have you?" I asked him as he trailed off again.

"I … I can't … I don't know Kid. Days and nights started running together. Never would let me sleep or when they'd let me I couldn't," he said in a confused and pain filled voice.

"You were going to tell me about the others," I reminded him.

"Oh … yeah. They're coming. Know they're coming. We don't leave anyone behind. That's why Thor was so bent about the rest of us just letting you walk off like that."

"I wasn't the one that walked off," I told him.

"You didn't stop us."

"I thought that is what you guys wanted. I got the impression towards the end that … well, maybe not from you but from the others … that you couldn't wait to see the backside of me."

"Naw, wasn't like that."

"I'm not going to argue with you, not when you're flattened, but I know how it was. Now why don't you get some rest. We're aiming for the Nebraska line. Don't know if we'll make it but we're going to try. The road is some better from what I can tell now that the sun has come up, not near so many road blockages. I …" Then I looked over and saw that he really was out this time so I hopped out of the wagon to lighten the load and started walking.

And thinking. I wasn't near as sure as he was that the rest of the men were on their way. He couldn't say for sure how long he'd been a captive. He didn't tell me how he was sure Thor and company were on their way beyond the "he knew they were." I decided not to hassle him about it. He looked like he'd been worked over pretty bad so I wasn't even sure he knew what he was saying.

We didn't make the Nebraska line that night but we did before the next one. And the day after that found us camped at Scott's Bluff. The geology of the area was completely freaky looking to me. I was used to rolling hills and mountains in the much older Smokies. The things I saw just jumped up out of the flat, dessert looking land in brightly colored layers, all jagged edges and sheer faces. I had to keep looking at them to make myself believe what I was seeing. They were like giant monuments just plunked down in the middle of nowhere.

Joe and Sheila laughed at me but it wasn't that they were making fun, more like they knew what I was feeling because they'd felt it once themselves. Evans, he was quiet; that worried me more than anything. He slept a lot too. The longer it was that the other men didn't show up the quieter he got.

"Evans …"

"Fine, maybe … maybe they ain't coming. Life's like that."

I'd never seen him so down in the dumps. I asked him, "You ever seen the Smokies?"

"You crazy Kid? Where'd you think I learned to talk this good? It's been a while though."

I smiled and asked, "So where are you from?"

"All over. My pap had an itchy foot and we moved around a lot. By the time I got kicked out of the house to make my own way the habit had rubbed off on me. Is that where you're headin'? You still sure that's what you want to do?"

I thought about it. "Yeah. I need to if nothing else. I'm thinking there might be something to finding closure."

He snorted then said, "Don't bet on it. Things happen. You either live with them or don't. I've never found that thing they call closure to be real."

"Maybe you just never found closure." That got me another snort before he lay back down and unintentionally fell back to sleep.

The next night found us camped out in the shadow of Chimney Rock. I was reading some of the historical markers, walking off one too many bowls of chili when I heard feet coming up on me fast from behind. I spun and met the guy's run with a hard defensive block which sent him flying backwards and laying him out flat.

"I told him it was a bad idea," came a dry voice. I looked up and there was Chuckri with a half-idiot grin on his face as Alfonso slowly got to his feet trying to quiet the bells that were still ringing in his ears.

Trying to be as calm about it I said, "Well, he said you would be coming."

"Who?" Chuckri asked, suddenly tense. "Evans?"

At my nod Alfonso started to run off but I slowed him down long enough to tell him, "You better bring Richards."

I led Chuckri over to our camp and introduced him to Joe who bristled a little but then decided to let it go since Chuckri wasn't giving off the right kind of vibes for a fight. Evans tried to make it out like he wasn't bad off but even a child could see he was hurting.

Richards … all the men, Thor included … came out of the dark putting Joe's back up again. "Joe, don't sweat it. They're OK. Evans here is actually the worst of the lot and you've handled him fine."

That caused Evans to get an insulted look on his face and the men, except for Thor, laughed and suddenly even Joe joined in. "I see you've met Rocky. Watch out for the mouth; it's licensed as a deadly weapon."

"Hey, whose side you on?" I asked Joe, funning him right back.

Richards was in the processes of examining Evans and complimenting Sheila's work – which of course didn't hurt Joe's feelings any either – when Thor walked over. "Who's he?" he asked like Joe wasn't standing right there.

I looked at him like he had dragged something in on the bottom of his shoe. "A friend. From school."

Joe got a surprised look on his face but then grinned that grin that always warned me to watch out. He stuck his hand out. "Joe Crabtree. Rocky and I played against each other in highschool."

"You're no highschool kid."

Joe continued to grin, "Nope. Hey, have you met my wife yet?"

Thor's noses flared and his eyebrows twitched. I told Joe, "Knock it off." Then turned to Thor and said, "Evans said you guys would be coming. How'd you find him."

After a last suspicious look at Joe who was still grinning he said, "Followed the description of a one-eyed man after finding the group that had taken Evans … tied up."

Joe and I looked at one another and then we both burst out laughing. We hadn't told anyone up to that point what we'd done … although Sheila suspected we'd been up to something … so the story had to be told.

At the end of the tale Evans groaned, "And I missed it? #$% Rocky, I'd given a lot to see their faces."

Joe said, "Well I didn't want to be there when they woke up, that's for sure. I wonder who saw us?"

He was looking at me but it was Montgomery who answered, "Nobody mentioned seeing the Kid. They only said something about a guy with an eye patch."

I must have looked insulted because Joe started laughing again until I aimed a kick at him. Sheila said, "OK, enough shenanigans you two. I swear, you're worse than my brothers."

It was getting late and I was getting ready for first watch. When Joe came back from talking to Thor I asked him, "What are you up to?"

"Nothin'," he said all too innocently.

"Don't give me that."

"Oh relax. Evans is too hurt to walk or even ride a horse though they've got their own from what I see … some that look awful familiar." We both nearly started laughing again. "I just said your friend here was welcome to continue riding in the wagon and that they were welcome to tag along if they were so inclined."

I looked at him trying to figure his game.

"Hey," he said. "It's not like a few more warm bodies to protect the women and wagons wouldn't be welcome."


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

It took us a week to reach Llewellen and the only trouble we ran into was a broken axle. Luckily there was an abandoned wagon with a busted tongue and bed on the side of the road not too far from where we broke down. I'm not sure what we would have done if we hadn't found it, none of us had the least idea how to fix it. We cannibalized the disabled wagon for parts but it still took a whole day to change everything out despite all of the muscle available to do the work. It was a learning process all around. I had a feeling lots of people are going to be learning new things now that you couldn't just go out and buy something new when the old one broke. Or in the case we were in there were just a lot of things that had stopped working since the EMP.

We were just two days out from Llewellen when Evans was finally well enough to sit a horse. It put him in a good mood and everyone from the men to Joe's crowd was happy for him. Evans was the oldest of the men in Thor's group and he looked road hard and hung up wet. It made him appear older than he was; he wasn't but forty years of age. His pride had been hurting at having to be so dependent and it was nice to see him looking more like his old self.

I saw Thor thinking and looking at me and decided to make it easy on him. "Thor, it's OK. I know you gave the guys grief but … it's really what was going to happen anyway. I'm … well …," I stopped worried that I was sounding too much like a girl then I said the heck with it. "I'm glad that things got straightened out but now that Evans is mended I … well I don't expect you to hang around babysitting me because you feel like you have to be responsible for me or something."

It's like he hadn't even heard me. "What are your plans Kid?"

"Can't you just call me Rocky like most folks do? It isn't my fault that I'm younger than you all you know."

He just looked at me and said, "Stop avoiding the question. And don't lie to me."

That just made me mad. "Why are you always thinking I'm out to lie to you? You may not know everything there is to know about me but I've never intentionally done anything to put you guys at risk. You act like I'm … well sure … I know I had a learning curve but geez."

"You're avoiding the question again."

"I'm not avoiding the question, you keep bringing other stuff into it. Besides, my plans haven't changed, I'm going home."

"And home is off the Blue Ridge Parkway," he said like said like he didn't quite believe me.

"Well … yeah," I said surprised he'd remembered at all.

"And how exactly do you plan on getting there?"

"Walking. Riding. Whatever it takes. I've gotten this far doing it that way. I'll get the rest of the way that way if necessary. I still don't see why that should matter to you anyway." He was starting to get under my skin again.

He looked at me like I was something that irritated the fire out of him for some reason. "You're too young to be doing this."

I couldn't help it, I started laughing. Thank the good Lord my laugh is more of a baritone belly laugh than a light feminine chuckle. Thor obviously didn't appreciate the humor I was seeing in it all. "Man, listen to you. How many of you guys were out the door and on the road at eighteen? And I bet at my eighteen I have more survival skills than you all had … except for maybe Evans who sounds like he had it rough growing up. I can handle myself just fine."

A growl preceded, "You aren't indestructible."

"Well no, of course not. No one is. But do I look like the fragile, will break on contact type? Come on dude, you don't even know half of what I can do."

In this really snarky voice he asked, "So what are you then, some mutant superhero?"

All the funny went away right then and there and I don't know what came over me but I pushed him back, hard enough to make him trip back into some bushes. "You don't know nothin'," I snarled as I walked away.

I stayed away from Thor and he stayed away from me until sack time. Joe woke me up to take last watch. As I got up he grabbed my upper arm, "You shoulda told him Rocky."

Immediately I went into a panic. "No, I don't mean about being a girl … though that would have been a doggone good opening for that too. I mean about … about being a GWB. I put my dang foot in it."

I was furious. "You promised," I growled stepping close enough that we were almost nose to nose though I had to bend down to do it.

"No, I promised to keep quiet about you being a girl," he whispered back a lot calmer than I was. "And I will until you say otherwise. Including keeping it from the rest of my family if that's the way you want it though I'll have to catch Mom and Dad to make sure in case they remember you. I think you're making a mistake but it's your right to make it. I hadn't thought the GWB was an issue. I came up on him while he was trying to climb out of that Skunkbush. I'd overheard the last bit and it made me mad. It just kind of came out during the … er … discussion."

I turned to walk away from him angrily but he grabbed my arm, "I'm saying I'm sorry Rocky. It was an honest mistake. For Thor it was too. He didn't say much but he looked like he regretted the comment coming out the way it did. Don't burn that bridge because of your pride. I have a feeling you'll regret it if you do."

"I won't have anyone feeling pity for me. Not you, not Thor, not anyone. Just because GWB is what I am doesn't mean it defines who I am. Got it?"

"A long time ago Rocky," he said softly with a gentle slap on my shoulder.

I wasn't ready to let go of my mad but I had responsibilities to tend to. I picked up my rifle and started to walk quietly around the camp perimeter, nodding at Orland's son who was watching the horses that night. Then I found a comfortable spot and settled in.

A boot scuffing on the ground had me looking up. "Got a second Kid?"

"I'm on watch Thor."

"Yeah. This won't take long," he sighed as he sat down. "Joe …"

"Yeah, I know. He told you. He didn't have any right to say anything but now that you know … so what," I told him in a dead voice that dared him to say anything more.

"You never said nothing."

"It didn't matter. And if it had it wasn't exactly your business either."

He was quiet and I was hoping he'd just go away. But he didn't. "I heard all them kids had health problems. Seems like there was something on the news at least once a year about another one dying."

"Them kids? I was … am … one of them. You sound like everyone else, like we had a choice in what we were. Like we were contaminated."

"You know what I mean."

I sighed. I'd explained this so many times over the years that it was like a prepared speech. "Just like no two people anywhere are the same, no two GWBs are the same. Whatever issues each of us faced was strictly determined by our own family's genetic history. Some of us got the worst flavors … conditions or defects that barely let them live long enough to be born. Some of us you couldn't even tell from the outside that they had that label. Most of us were somewhere in between. I had a tumor that caused me to get big really early. They found it and killed it and I stopped growing so fast. The problem was that I was nine when they found it and it took me a long time to grow into my body size … I could be klutzy and banged into a lot of stuff, I couldn't play the same games as the other kids because if I had I would have hurt them or I didn't fit on the equipment. Unlike a lot of non-GWBs that have the condition my heart and lungs were never a problem. The worst for me though was that it took a while for my features to settle down; your face does a lot of changing and maturing as you grow up, I had a baby face stuck on this huge body. People used to say … some pretty …" I sighed. "It wasn't a fun time. I freaked people out. It wasn't until I found football that I really felt good about my size even though my parents did the best they could."

"You don't have any of the … bad defects?"

"No. All my parts are where they are supposed to be I'm just oversized compared to most. Jonathon …" I wasn't sure just how much I was going to let him know. Time, distance and life was putting a bandaid on that wound, it was no longer a hemorrhage but picking at it would only make it scar worse.

Another piece fell into place for him. "He was one too, the kid you said was your best friend. The one …"

In for a penny, in for a pound I thought as I began to give him more information than I had ever meant to. "Yeah. We … the national support group … had been having our spring social event. All of those left living came. It was kind of like ..." I stopped and snorted. "Jonathon's parents were the organizers. Ever heard of the Marshall family out on the West Coast? That was them. They set it up to be like a … a prom … or a coming out or something like that. Most of us had already turned eighteen. It was a real swanky party."

"In San Francisco." And I saw another piece fall in place. "The Green terrorists were threatening to target the GWBs specifically for years."

"Yeah, they targeted us all right. Or whoever it was that claimed to be them that night. It was stenciled onto their clothes just like you'd see in the news." I stopped and heaved a sigh that felt like it came from my soul. "You are looking at the only GWB left alive on the planet so I'd appreciate keeping it under your hat. I don't need people giving me funny looks or pity or anything else. Life is hard enough without that extra kick in the pants."

"So you don't have any of the other … er … eccentricities of …"

I looked at him trying to understand what he kept going on about. "If you are asking whether I have any deformities or challenges some of us had I already told you no. I'm just big … and stronger than even my size would seem to make me. It has something to do with the density of my bones and the fact that I have a high pain tolerance … or at least that is all the eggheads could come up with. But you don't have to be big to have high pain tolerance, lots of people have it. Jonathon was the opposite."

"Your friend."

"Yeah. He was a late bloomer in a family full of tall, pretty people. If you had stuck him in almost any other people you never would have known he was a GWB. But why God decided to stick him in that one I can't even begin to guess. His brothers were pretty rough on him. Why we wound up best friends is even stranger, they used to call us Mutt and Jeff when we were growing up because there wasn't a thing alike between us, from size to coloring. But he was getting taller and stuff because at the dance he was only a couple of inches shorter than me … he was just skinny and it made him look frail, but he wasn't normally. His asthma was also better than it was than when we were little. But he needed medication to manage it. That part he inherited from his grandmother's family … the one that was with us as we tried to escape. They would have been dead if we had stayed, just like my parents, but escaping killed them anyway. Life sucks all around." I'd had enough sharing and stood up to take another turn around the camp.

"Kid, if you insist on doing this crazy thing, ride with us til we get to Chuckri's place. We'll figure something else out from there."

"Haven't you heard a word I've said?" I asked him getting mad again. "I don't need your pity. I don't want your pity … nor anyone else's either. I know how bad life sucks and I know how careful I have to be to get through it. I also know there is a chance that I won't make it. Stop treating me like I'm handicapped or mentally deficient." Then I did turn and walk away before I said something I would really regret.

See the problem is that I know people like Thor and Joe mean well. They've just never had to walk in my shoes. I always hated it when people try to do things "for my own good." My parents were the only ones that came close to having that right over me and they never made me feel like I was helpless or incapable; they did it out of love, not to make me beholden or to trap me against my will. I wasn't just going to give that power over me to someone else just because it made them feel better.

I no longer trusted Thor … or Joe … quite the way I had before. Maybe some of that is growing up, getting the idealism kicked out of you, but it made me mad. There had never been too many people in the world that I fully trusted and to have two of them turn on me in the same day hurt in a way I refused to let anyone see.

Llewellen was a dot on a map and Joe's family was outside of the town and that area didn't even qualify for a dot, heck, the roads didn't even have gravel on them much less be paved. You never saw such a welcome as everyone got. To add to it, rather than trying to make it all the way to Omaha, Orland's family decided to move across the road from Joe's family and help out the elderly, childless couple who lived there.

Orland said, "I just can't see the risk in going further. There's water from Lake McConaughy. The land's fertile. And there's people here to share the load with and learn from. Things being what they are likely to be for a long time, I just don't see that I could put my family in a better spot by continuing on the road we were going."

That gave me a lot to think on. Could I do better than staying right here? Was I crazy for thinking my destiny still had something to do with going home? In the end I just couldn't settle to the idea of staying. If something had been pushing me to go I would have probably dug in my heels but the truth was I was being pulled. Pulled to what I wasn't sure of but I did know that I needed to go.

I was feeling boxed in. Joe had tried to talk to me about staying and when that didn't work he set his mother on me. Whether he knew it or not that had the opposite effect of what he'd meant it to have. His mother really didn't like me. As nice as she was she had this prejudice that she just couldn't hide though she really did try hard for Joe's sake … and maybe even a little for mine. But everything she said made me feel a little more like I didn't belong and in the end I apologized for not being able to do what Joe wanted me to … and I know I didn't imagine the relief she tried to hide.

Thor was a pain in my sitter as well. He never approached me directly, I didn't give him the chance. And of the other men only Evans seemed to refuse to pay any attention to my invisible "keep off the grass" signs. I didn't tell Evans anything either however as I knew he'd carry it straight to Thor, or he'd say something to one of the other men and it would get to Thor that way.

I knew Chuckri was eager to keep going but Joe's father had offered the group some grains and other things to take with them if they stayed to help put up the framing and walls of two houses they were adding to the homestead. It was an offer they really couldn't afford to lose. I still had a good bit of the stuff left over from Nana's wacked out buying spree but even my supplies were low. Instead of working at Joe's place I went across the road to help Orland and the elderly couple get set. Mrs. Dunlop was good to me, she reminded me a bit of my own grandmother … feisty; I had to laugh at the way she managed everyone so well.

After six days I had everything I needed including supplies. The next day was the Sabbath and Joe's dad had set that day aside for most of us to go out to the lake and maybe do some fishing. It was a good day but I kept thinking of my gear which I had hidden the previous night. It would have looked suspicious if I had taken my gear with me for a simple fishing trip.

After a huge noon meal most people were just lying around basking in the sun and I knew it was time for me to go. Joe's nephews though weren't ready to settle down so I took them a little away and started them on a football game. After a bit they were playing without needing me to encourage them so I told the two oldest I was going for a hike. I tucked a note in Sheila's handbag that was in the wagons that were between the relaxing adults and the rowdy kids, then I was off.

I'd been careful of what I'd eaten so it wasn't difficult to get up to jogging speed, grab my gear, and then head off at a quick pace. My goal was a small campground on the east end of the lake outside of the little town of Keystone; if not in the campground, somewhere near it so that I could fill up all of my water containers before really getting in some serious miles.

When I got near the campground I was glad I planned for the possibility of staying somewhere else. There were several groups just hanging out there but I didn't see a wagon between them; horses yes, wagons no. They looked rough; not dangerous, just used hard and dispirited.

I found a pocket of darkness and just hung the mosquito netting so that I could keep the bugs off but still have little or nothing to do before I put feet to trail the next morning. I'm glad I'd avoided people as not too long after full dark in road the oversized bad attitude I'd been trying to avoid.

After they had questioned all of the campers whether they'd seen me … their description caused a little fear no matter how they phrased it and made the groups there uneasy … they walked their horses even closer to my hiding spot than they realized. I heard Evans chuckling.

"What the #$% are you laughing about?" Thor snarled.

"The Kid. Not too many grown men that can pull something like this off much less someone as wet behind the ears as he is. Reminds me a bit of myself at that age." I could hear the laugher in his voice.

"That ain't exactly a ringing recommendation," Thor snapped back.

"Now, now. No need to get nasty," Evans said with a little less humor in his voice.

"Kid's too young. There is no way Rocky can know what is out there." Thor definitely wasn't happy with my decision not to stay under their watchful eyes.

It was Richards that said, "None of us know for sure what is out there. Communications are down all over. Joe said that Rocky has a lot of survival skills because of the way he was raised."

Thor kept up his bellyaching. "Joe said. Joe said. I don't give a #$% what Joe said. The Kid is too young."

Montgomery said, "That was what you said when we lost him in Laramie. He seemed to do all right by himself. I know the kid is only eighteen but I was out of the house at eighteen and I reckon most of the rest of you were too. I still don't see what his age has to do with it."

Evans said, "Try sixteen for me, and that was with a whole lot less going for me than the Kid has. We'll keep our eyes and ears open. Kid like that will stand out in a crowd about as much as you do Thor. But other than that I don't see what we can do. The Kid made his choice and he had the right to. It's not like he didn't …" He stopped. "Well, I'll just go ahead and say it 'cause no one else will. The Kid ain't stupid. He knew that he wasn't really one of us. He may not have understood the reason for it, but he still knew it. He told me so."

Thor stopped his horse and asked, "What'd the Kid say? Did you explain?"

"Explain what? Explain that we've seen things in life that sets us apart? That we've done things in life that sets us apart? We agreed to keep it quiet so no, I didn't explain. All the Kid saw and felt was that he wasn't part of our crew and that he never would be, you all made sure he felt it and don't go jacking my jaw for saying it 'cause it's the truth," he intoned belligerently. "If I couldn't explain what was really going on, that it weren't nothing personal and why, there was no sense in trying to explain that we were only doin' it for his own good. I imagine y'all boys remember how well you would have taken that when you were the Kid's age."

I was beginning to think that if they had explained that part of it I would have dealt with the rejection better. But they didn't know I was a girl and used to dealing with the touchy-feely things in life better than boys were. But it was too late. I wasn't going to bound out of my hiding place and let them rescue me. For one thing that would shoot down the whole male persona thing I was still living, for another … well, I was just stubborn enough to need to prove to myself if no one else that I could do what they doubted I could.

Finally they moved off. I'm not sure what they planned but I figured that now was as good a time as any to add some extra miles to my day even though they'd be slow ones in the dark. And I'd need to stay off the main roads if I had a hope of avoiding them. Maybe they had given up and maybe they hadn't but I wasn't going to take any chances.

I really didn't want to run into problems and I'd been listening to the campers who turned out to be travelers from all over looking for a place to roost or family that might take them in … or who had had family turn them away and they were now lost as to what they were supposed to do. My original plan had to be to take I80 through Lincoln, Nebraska and then turn south to get to Topeka, Kansas but from what I overheard anywhere near Lincoln or Omaha was bad. There was sickness and Omaha had even had a couple of tactical bombs go off destroying key points of entry and exit.

I decided that instead of going through all of Nebraska before turning south I would turn south first and go straight down into Kansas and try and follow I70 into Topeka. To pull off the route I had changed to required me backtracking a bit and I was hoping that was the last thing they'd think I would do.

I figure I started walking at about three thirty in the morning. It was slow going and I kept looking over my shoulder; not because I felt someone watching me but because I was worried they were. I lucked out and caught a ride from a farmer that had dropped a load of hay bales. I helped him reload faster than he ever thought possible and I got off my feet and was able to add about 15 extra miles that I didn't expect I was going to make. He offered me a roof for the night but I politely declined and decided to hoof it until it got dark or I ran out of energy, whichever came first.

I made it all the way to a little place called Grant, Nebraska. I had to laugh when I saw the welcome sign. They took their sports serious in this town. Their highschool were state champs several years running and they let you know it right before you hit the city limits. It made me feel right at home, but man oh man I'd never seen a place so flat. If there hadn't been any buildings or trees I could have probably seen all the way to the Missouri state line … and maybe a little further.

It was just passed dark and I was feeling so good about the time and distance that I'd made that I was tempted to keep going, but I knew that was stupid. I'd already done a little traveling in the dark and not know what was in front of me I didn't want to take the chance. This was flat as a pancake country but that didn't mean it didn't have holes in it here and there.

Someone claiming to be a city cop started in on me as soon as my foot cross the city limit line. Who was I? What was my business in their fair city? Where was I heading? I was respectful despite the crankiness of his questions. He sounded like he'd been saying it a lot.

"Sorry sir, if I'm not allowed in town could you direct me to a likely camping spot outside of here? I'm just passing through but I sure don't want any trouble."

I got a hard look and said, "Boy, don't give me that dumb as a stump act. You may have got away with it with other folks but I got one just like you at home and I'll tan your behind just as soon as look at you if you sass me."

I thought, "Wouldn't he get a surprise if he tried." I had to smile at the thought but was careful to say, "Yes sir" with a little less drawl in it.

"Humph," he said giving me a look. "We've got a station for strangers in the city park but the rules are strict. The signs up at the entrance. If you can't follow them you'd best carry yourself along. We don't want trouble anymore than you claim to."

"Yes sir. Thank you. Point me in the direction please?"

An out of patience sigh accompanied the hand flung in the general direction of some signs along the road. Most of them said things like "Security system by Smith and Wesson" or "Trespassers will be killed dead" but I didn't take umbrage at it. Heck knows my own little burg was likely to be much worse.

When I finally made it to the park I was starting to feel my first day on the road on my own. The rules were fairly simple: No spitting, no loud noises, no bothering the townfolk, no fires, if you're in a fight whether you cause it or not you and everyone in your party were in a heap load of trouble. Since none of the above interested me I found a corner in the nearly deserted park and set up my mosquito netting and got some sleep.

Hunger woke me the next morning before the sun came up but I wasn't about to show anyone that I had food that didn't have to be cooked. I packed up, made sure I'd cleaned up after myself and then quietly walked back to the park gate. Something blew past my foot and I looked down to see a label off of a can. I bent picked it up and then made sure it went into a trashcan right off the walking path. I was nearly gone from the park when the sound of a throat clearing brought me around fast. It was the cop from the previous night.

"Boy …," he started like he was going to say something else and then changed gears. "You watch yourself out there. Not every place is as welcome as Grant is."

"Yes sir." I could have been a smart aleck but in the end I worried that his words might be more true than not. And I had a lot of miles ahead of me to find out.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

I'd give a lot if life was as easy to manipulate as it is in story books. If it was there would be an overturned wagon or store nearby that I could salvage from, maybe a convenient Walmart tractor trailor sitting on the side of the road. At worst I'd have to trade for what I needed … and what I needed was a new pair of boots. Only there weren't any convenient wagons, stores, or tractor trailers … nor any towns nearby at the moment either.

If they had put a mileage life on my boots I would have realized I was due for a flat. I'm not an easy fit either. I'd been forced to use a size nine sandal back in San Francisco because we couldn't find anything bigger … although Mom had firmly refused to check out the cross-gender shop that the shop owner had recommended. We just let the buckles out as far as they would go across the front of my foot and my heel and toe hung off just a little but as she said, "You'll never notice it on a galloping horse."

Well, I needed to be shod all right but it was going to be hard to find a women's size 11 wide. I would have taken man's boot, and most of the time did when I couldn't find my own size, but I didn't see a Red Wing or Wolverine shoe store anywhere about. As I put yet another fixing of duct tape on the inside of my shoes to try and cover the hole in the sole I thought about how far I'd come.

After Grant it took me a week to get sixty some miles to this little place called Benkelman. What a hoot that place was. For some people reason people got it into their heads that returning to their pioneer forefathers' ways was the only way to survive. I'm not just talking about how they did things but I mean how they dressed, talked, the whole nine yards. I saw women in prairie dresses and sun bonnets and men dressed in collarless shirts, suspenders, and straw hats. The kids were dress like miniature adults and frankly didn't look too happy about it; June was setting up to roast us all. I couldn't even go into the town proper because I had "mechanicals from the modern age." Say what?!

They had a small stretch of road that they had blocked off from everything else and they were redirecting foot and wagon traffic from outside of their very closed community through it. I don't think they meant anything bad by their actions, they were just trying to protect their community I suppose, but I could see where it could go from harmless eccentricity to hard line fanaticism without too much of a push.

Right after Benkelman I crossed into Kansas and the day after that I stopped in this little place called Bird City for the night to gather information if I could but I was out of luck. After weeks on the road I looked more than a little rough around the edges and even I thought the reflection in the mirror was a little scary. Three days after that I tried again in this little town called Edson which only looked like it existed because of the I70 on-ramp.

I had more luck there. I got a private bath, a hair cut … made me look like a geeky accountant until after I mussed it up a bit … and then looked around to see which of the three eating establishments that I wanted to try. I was tired of my own cooking and tired of my own company. I was lonesome but I'd made my choice and I thought that I'd made the best one I could. Eventually I would have had to be on my own and better to give it a bit of a try out in this flat land with few people than to get dependent on people that had already admitted they would be there in the long run. I also needed information before I got to walking down the interstate.

Mom didn't raise no fool and Dad had taught me a few lessons too. When you want to find out where the best eats for the price was, follow the locals. It took me all of five minutes to decide that I was going to give Minnie's Place a try. It was rough around the edges but there was honest to goodness cowboys in there. The other place looked like it mostly served travelers. When I saw a guy that looked like a sheriff … he had a badge on his pocket and a white hat and everything … I was sold. Dad said cops know all the good local joints worth going to, and more importantly which ones to avoid.

I brushed myself off and went to the door but there wasn't anyone there that did the seating. I looked around but found myself getting a little intimidated and was rethinking my choice when I got pushed from behind hard enough that it sent me to one knee. Two men came rushed into the place with big ol' shotguns shouting, "All valuables in the bags!" I heard screaming and carrying on from the other places up and down the strip as well.

I was just on my knees like a knucklehead until they pushed an older lady that came out of a side room down to the ground. You just don't do things like that and expect no one to take exception to it. They didn't call me "Freight Train" for nothing. I put my shoulder into it and plastered the closest one into the wall so hard that the shotgun disappeared into the paneling. He kind of slid down all boneless like a Looney Tunes character in the cartoons.

I turned to go after the other only to see he'd disappeared under a pile up of cowboys that were putting a bad whooping on him. I picked the older lady up off the floor and sat her in a chair, brushed her off, then turned to see the guy I'd thought was a sheriff grabbing a few of the locals to go check on the rest of the street; I figured I'd follow and do something about the adrenaline I already had flowing.

We came out to see the rest of the bunch hopping on horses about to make their escape. Before they got far the sheriff and the locals opened up on them. One of the bad guys tried to take off around the side of Minnie's and I just sorta reached out and plucked him out of the saddle and proceeded to have a brawl that my mother would have grounded me for the rest of my life for exhibiting such unladylike behavior. It was about like that pile up when one of the Consolidated schools we'd played had taken exception to one of our players whistling Dixie. I was grounded for a month after that one.

The guy was about my height and weight but he had no stamina to speak of; all I had to do was get a few punches and stay out of the way of his haymakers and as soon as he lost his wind, one good tap on the side of his noggin sent him to his knees and I finished him off with a left. I don't think Dad had ever meant for me to actually use the fighting techniques he'd taught me … but I was finding in this new life they'd equipped me for survival better than they had ever known.

I hadn't come out unscathed. My left bicep was going to have a heck of a bruise and his head butt had split my lip but at least there'd be no sunrise on my face to have to explain away to folks so I wouldn't scare them more than I already had a bad habit of doing.

I wiped my lip and saw the sheriff standing there with his arms crossed. I asked, "You want I should carry him someplace for you?"

A couple of the cowboys covered up a laugh but I hadn't meant to be funny. I was trying to be helpful and stay out of the trouble that looked to be aimed at me from the sheriff's eyes. Instead he bellowed, "Nelson! Take this cretin to the holding area."

I must have looked as scared as I felt but then he said, "Not you boy, the one on the ground. You leaking brain matter as well as blood?"

"Er … uh … no sir."

Then the older lady stepped out onto the porch, looked me square in the eye and told me, "Get your self in here right now!"

Ouch! I'd heard my mother and grandmother use that tone only a few times but when you hear it you know that you disobey under threat of death and dismemberment. I swallowed and stepped up on the porch and then followed her back into the eatery.

"Just look at my wall!"

"Yes ma'am. Sorry ma'am," I mumbled while the cowboys all gave me that nice-known'-ya look before sitting back down to eat.

"Well, don't just stand there. Sit down and eat and after we close you can clean it up."

The look she gave me said all she wanted to hear from me was "Yes ma'am" and that's exactly what I gave her. And what she gave me was a big plate of beans, wheat pilaf (instead of rice), fried corn, a slice of cheese, some of the best sausage links I'd ever put in my mouth, two huge cat-head sized biscuits with fresh butter to put on them, and for dessert an apple dumpling. To drink there was fresh cow's milk which I found out was kept cold in the cellar beneath the eatery.

I plowed through it like I hadn't eaten in days. When I finally looked up it was to find a couple of the cowboys laughing at me. "Must've been good."

I wouldn't lie. "Yes sir. The cook could give my mom a run for her money on the biscuits and that's about the highest compliment I could give anybody." They thought that was funny too and then got up and after a look at the sheriff who was sitting there finishing his own plate of food walked out the door and out of sight.

I sighed, picked up my plate and cup, and started to carry it back to the kitchen area. "Ma'am?" I called not wishing to go someplace I wasn't supposed to. When the older lady … and she was indeed Miss Minnie … I asked her, "Um … I'm not sure what to do with … you know … my plate and cup."

She wiped her hands on her apron and told me, "Take it over to the sink and set it in there. Watch that you don't break or chip anything. Then get that broom and dustpan in there and get started cleaning that mess up."

I did as I was told and then scrubbed the white wall where the man's dirty face had left a good sized smudge. A guy about my own age clumped over and said, "Move outta the way you big ox. You made work for me, you make any more and you'll pay."

"Great personality there slim, must attract all the girls."

A throat clearing behind me had me turning and then going over to the sheriff's table. "Sit down." I sat. "There was a reward for that fella you flattened against Miss Minnie's wall. You come to the office and I'll count it out to you."

I was so surprised I didn't know what to say. It really was like the old west all over again. "Uh … yes sir. I just have to pay Miss Minnie for the meal … and … I guess figure out what I owe for the wall too," I added glumly hoping and praying that I could find some way to pay for the mess I'd unintentionally made.

Miss Minnie had overheard the last and said, "Oh, go on with you boy. You cleaned it up and Benji needed something constructive to keep him out of trouble anyway. And here is something to take with you." She gave the Sheriff the eye too and then shooed us out so she could close up and get ready for the breakfast rush in the morning.

I followed the sheriff one street over to a tight little office and then watched as the baddies were being driven away by the cowboys. I looked until I couldn't see them anymore and then turned to see the sheriff looking at me. "They're being taken to the cemetery."

"Huh … oh … Oh! Oh you … you mean …"

"You got somethin' to say about that boy?"

"Uh … no sir. It's y'alls town and none of my business," I said quickly.

"That's right. Now get in here so we can complete our transaction and then I want to see the backside of you right quick. Something about you boy … it bothers me. I don't like things that bother me."

Contrary to some people's expectations I did know how to keep my mouth shut on occasion and this was one of those occasions. He reached into a drawer and pulled out a small bag that clinked and tossed it at me. I looked inside it and saw a mishmash of small silver ingots, old silver coins, and a small gold nugget that looked like it had been melted down from something else.

I pulled the nugget out and looked at it. To get this that guy must have been a bad dude indeed, but even bad dudes can sometimes come to cartoonish ends.

"You thinkin' your getting cheated?" the sheriff asked dangerously.

"Huh?" It took me a second to figure out what the sheriff was talking about. "No sir, I was just wondering … it really was my fault that hole got put in Miss Minnie's wall. I don't guess supplies to fix it are easy to find these days. That Benji kid don't seem too helpful either. You … you reckon she would take this if I give it to her?" The sheriff's eyebrows would have gone up into his hairline if most of it hadn't already receded to the other side of his head.

In the end I left the nugget with the sheriff to give to Miss Minnie once I'd gotten out of town. I had a feeling had I tried to give it to her myself she would have taken a broom to me. Then to smooth things out more … I mean you just never know when you're gonna have to go back through a place … I spent about half of what was left on stuff over at this trading post kind of thing. If I'd only had the sense to pick me up a new pair of boots while I was there.

I got some good gossip while I was in the trade post so it was worth it and spending the coins there made the gossip flow even more freely. I bought a bar of homemade soap, a comb, a real cowboy hat, a wedge of cheese, a box of waterproof matches (boy did they cost dear), a muslin bandana, some dried corn and wheat, a small jar of home canned pickles (watch out for the deposit on them jars), honey to refill my bear with, some homemade cheese crackers, and a few sticks of homemade hard candy. I figured I paid more than a local would have the way the store owner was smiling but I knew I had more silver (and gold) than he did and it meant the sheriff wouldn't be such a hardcase. I stuffed it in the top of my backpack and the sheriff was more than happy to have me shaking the dust of Edson from my boots.

I didn't get far that night since I'd gotten distracted so I wound up sleeping under an overpass. It wasn't much of an overpass and it felt freaky as all get out but it was better than sleeping in the light rain that had started. Next day I made it to a place called Levant. The people weren't near as friendly as I'd gotten used to in the Great Plains but I guess every place is different. I was hustled on through by the local law and that's where I started noticing my shoes.

By Oakley my right shoe had a hole big enough in it that road gravel kept sneaking up in there. And then the heel of the other shoe started falling apart. I guess I shouldn't complain, those boots had had a lot of miles put on them and they weren't exactly new when I'd brought them from home, they were just my most comfortable. Well, they weren't comfortable any more. I went some miles further and then got on the other side of this little place called Wakeeney and there is nothing back there worth going to. What little bit of town there used to be is dead and looted. The next town Ogallah was worse having been burned to the ground.

If my map is right I've got a ten mile walk to this little town called Ellis. If there is nothing there I'm in trouble. Water is a problem as well as it is flat, dusty and dry. I wish I had thought to catch more of the rainwater but that's water under the bridge … and ain't that a stupid pun. I'm going to be barefoot soon and that might be better than these blisters and bruises I'm getting on my feet.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Ellis was a bust. The town was locked down so tight that you could barely pass by it on the interstate. There's still a lot of traffic on the interstate but it was all foot and pedal powered. You didn't see horses on it too much; I guess the blacktop isn't real good for their hooves and stuff like that.

There were people on the interstate still living out of their cars and campers and RVs. It was the weirdest thing I think I'd seen thus far … well, outside of that little town that was trying to replicate the 1800s. There were clotheslines, container gardens, artificial turf put down, just an incredible mess. But the people looked depressed for all they seemed to be trying to create some kind of lives for themselves. And they looked hungry. I swear as I passed by some of them it was like they were sizing me up, not to come to dinner but to be dinner.

The town of Hays wasn't any better and actually felt some worse. I began to doubt my plan to follow the interstate; it seemed to be where all the misery was located. I was able to get on the other side of Hays before I got too exhausted to think straight and then hopped off the interstate and picked up Highway 140 and started looking for a place to bed down for the night. Except for the road I travelled the land was flat and featureless except for the few lonesome trees that dotted the landscape. It was close to midnight and I was shivering with exhaustion before I found a burned out building that I could crawl into without having to worry too much that it was going to fall in on me. I didn't like the scurrying rodents that I heard but they left me alone so I gave them the same gift.

Not having a traveling partner of any kind was starting to tell on me. I had to do everything. I had no one to share my chores, no one to create any conversation with even if it was just grunts, not one to share night watch with. I can't say I was bored exactly but I was tired and tired gets you stupid. It was June and I'd had more than my fair share of luck, but it was about to run out.

The next morning I just kept walking, and frankly getting more and more depressed and more and more tired. Everywhere I had been since leaving Joe's place there were people who stared at me like I was fresh meat, both figuratively and literally. I kept going for as long as I could each day just trying to get beyond the mass of humanity that seemed to be congregated all along the interstate. I wasn't on the interstate anymore, but on the highway that paralleled it very closely but that was the problem, the road simply wasn't far enough away to get away.

I was so tired it took me a while to realize that Highway 140, also called Old Hwy 40 if I didn't confuse the few road signs that were still standing, had taken a jog south. First came this little spot on the map called Black Wolf and it was as scary as its name implied and I cut through there as fast as I could, keeping myself to myself. After there things started clearing up and I was some relieved. I stepped over off the road to take care of myself … monthlies are the pits when you are on the road and mine never did like to find a regular schedule; oh no, it liked to surprise me. After that I looked at my maps, wore badly in places but luckily in places I didn't need them, and I saw I could follow the road I was on and eventually it would loop back to the interstate nearly Salinas, Kansas. I decided the extra miles would be worth it to avoid everyone's misery.

I taped my shoe back together one more time and then got going. The town of Ellsworth was empty and ransacked. There wasn't much there to begin with although by some standards it had been huge since it had a Best Value Inn and a couple of historical museums. Unfortunately what hadn't been ransacked had been burnt over. I just didn't understand the destruction, it seemed about the most illogical thing you could do under the circumstances.

Outside of Ellsworth the weather started going funny. The wind got a little worse than it had been but it was the feel of it that bothered me more than anything. I saw some clouds off in the distane that promised some kind of storm but I wasn't sure if rain was part of that. When I started seeing lightning coming out of the leading edge of the storm along the skyline I knew it was time to find me some shelter. Lightning was nothing to fool with back home, out in the open flatness that was Kansas it seemed even more of a danger.

I looked around and finally spotted a house and barn that sat back off the road a piece. Another rumble of thunder decided it for me and I added what speed I could to my gate.

The house was further away than I had thought; like an illusion, the longer I walked the further away it seemed to get. It was taking forever to reach my chosen destination. But the storm didn't have any trouble traveling fast, it was closer to me before I was closer to the house. The funky grey-green color spread to take over the whole sky. I had finally reached the drive when a gust of wind almost picked me up off my feet and that is no small task.

And that one gust seemed to signal a change for the worse. That's when I saw two kids struggling towards the backyard. There was a little girl with long blonde braids and an even smaller boy she was trying to pull along. It wasn't that the little boy didn't want to go with her it is that the wind fought them every step of the way. Then she happened to glance my direction, pointed, and let out a scream that I didn't hear.

I know a stranger could put fear into some people, and these were kids, but I got the feeling it wasn't me that had scared her so bad. I turned to look behind me and nearly screamed myself.

I'd never seen a tornado in real life but I had on TV. It didn't do it justice, no mere picture or video ever could. When you see this flavor of God's nature in action I don't care who you are, you will turn and run like the world's biggest coward. But the wind wasn't cooperating, it was taking all my energy to go forward; those poor kids didn't stand a chance. The girl had grabbed a hold of the T of the clothesline but the little boy was wrenched away from her.

I scooped him up as soon as I could get to him and then grabbed the girl by her arm. I tried to head to the barn but she twisted and then slapped me pointing to a hole in the ground. The sound around me was like nothing I'd ever heard, no have a desire to hear again. It was like some unimaginably large giant had picked up an entire orchestra and was just slamming it on the ground over and over and over. It was a god-awful scary noise.

I threw the kids in the hole and saw it actually had a door but it took nearly all the strength I had left to pull it closed. I thought I would have to hold it closed against the wind until the girl came up around me and slammed an old pipe bar down into brackets on either side before scrambling as far back as she could; I didn't know if it was from the storm or me. If it was possible at that moment the sound got even louder and a slat came out of the door and the wind started pouring in.

I ran to the back of what looked like a root cellar and not asking their permission pinned the two kids into a corner and did my best to keep the flying debris from hurting them. My pack took the brunt of the worst of it and then something hit my head and all was darkness.

I couldn't have been out very long. My eyes popped open and I had to swallow back a yell. Two little faces were staring down at me. The boy, later found out he was five years old with hair as dark as his sister's was light. "You're heavy."

I'd dealt with enough little kids to know that you played along or you might scare them to pieces. "I know. Did I squash you flat?"

The little boy turned bashful but the sister wasn't as easily pacified. "Mister, how come you are in our yard?" She wasn't belligerent but she wasn't friendly either.

With kids honesty is always the best policy. "The storm started to look bad so I was looking for a place to shelter until it was over."

"But you were going to the barn."

"Well, I told you, I was looking for a place to get out of the storm."

She looked at me like I was more than a few bricks shy of a load. "You never go to a barn when a big wind comes. The barn could fall on you."

"Good to know." I stopped and looked around and didn't know quite how to broach the subject. "Hey, uh, you know … where's the adults around here?"

She clammed up for a minute and then started shaking. "Are you going to hurt us?"

"What?!" I scooted away from them and kept my hands visible. "No. Absolutely not. I'm … look, I know I might look scary but, honest, hurting a kid is the last thing I'd ever chose to do."

Well she started crying and then the little boy started crying and I didn't know what to do without making it worse. Then I remembered.

"Hey … hey girl … is your brother allowed to have c-a-n-d-y?" I crinkled the bag to get her attention.

She sniffed and with a suspicious look on her face said, "We aren't supposed to take any from strangers."

"Well, that's why I asked before offering it to him. My parents always told me the same thing. But I'll save it in case it gets to a point you don't think I'm a stranger anymore." I stopped with a sigh. "I don't want to upset you again but aren't there any adults around?"

"You promise you aren't going to hurt us?"

"I promise. Look, it might not mean a lot to you but I grew up with some … er … kids that had lots of health problems and stuff. I would never have hurt them or stood by and let anyone else hurt them. It kinda makes me mad when people hurt kids so if someone is around here hurting you I'll … er … talk to them if …"

"No. No … we came home from school and there was a note that mom and dad went to Salinas to some shopping only they never came back. It got dark and I tried to call Aunt Beth and she told me to stay put that bad things were happening and that mom and dad would get home as soon as they could. We waited and waited but they've never come back. The school bus never came back. Nobody ever came back." She started crying again and so did the little boy.

I stepped out of the hole and looked around at the damage. The barn was missing part of its roof. The house had some missing shingles and part of the porch had collapsed under the weight of a tree that had landed on it. There was another tree split on the other side of the yard. There was all sorts of debris in the yard but that looked to be about all there was.

I started to walk around when both kids scrambled out and the girl asked in panic, "Are you leaving?!"

"Huh? No but I'm not sure what to do. I've got a headache and I'm just so tired. I know you don't trust me but, would it be all right if we went in your house and I laid down for a few minutes? Even laying down on the porch …"

"No! The coyotes will get you!"

"I'm too big for a coyote to eat," I said trying not to smile.

"Not just one coyote, a bunch of them. They got the chickens first and then a bunch of big dogs came and got the cow and her baby. It was … it was awful." She turned a little paler than she was already.

"Well, if you are talking dogs … A big one tried to turn me into a chew toy several weeks back. Maybe … maybe the barn."

The girl finally said, "If I let you come inside, will you stay?"

I looked at her and said, "I'll stay until we figure something out."

It took three days and a lot of soul searching along the way to figure that something out. I knew as soon as I heard they were alone that these two kids couldn't have survived on their own for much longer. It wasn't just four legged predators roaming around, there were the two legged kind and if I had run across their house eventually someone else would as well. I'm flaming surprised someone hadn't done it before; it had to be God looking after them and hiding them from eyes he didn't want seeing them.

But I had seen and once I had seen there was no way to push off the responsibility. The girl was named Trish and she was ten but looked younger. The boy was five and was called Mickey though his proper name was McDonald. "That was Aunt Beth's name before she married Uncle Henry," or so I was told.

It just broke my heart to see how hard Trish had been trying to take care of her brother. Lot's of sorrow to their tale. But the biggest gotcha for me? Their last name was Marshall. And it gets even creepier. The dad's name was Jonathon. I mean … come on … I'd already decided to help the kids but did God really need to kick me upside the head with a more obvious pull to the heart strings? I had been wondering in my heart whether or not there was some way to make up for not saving Jonathon and Nana. I'd prayed about it and … well Dad always said be real careful of what you pray for because you just might get it.

The first problem we had was that there was no way those kids were going to be able to walk to Topeka. The aunt and uncle lived outside of Topeka around some lake. I found their address in the family address book that was conveniently beside the kitchen phone. I gathered up some other stuff that I thought the kids might need or appreciate – mom's jewelry, a few mementoes of their dad, the family picture albums, the stack of home movies on DVD, the family Bible that had all of their important papers in it like birth certificates and shot records, a few other little odds and ends.

I tried to remember what it was that my dad had found so important to keep when his mom died. The blouse she went to the hospital in, her glasses and keys, her hair brush, her pocket book and all of the junk in it. He always kept a pack of Juicy Fruit in there so that it would always keep that smell he remembered his mom's purse having ever since he was a little kid.

Then I had Trish help me go through the house and find what little food was left. There wasn't a whole lot but it was better than nothing, plus it was all home canned stuff. The cornmeal and flour had weevils in it but like Mom said, "If you don't tell 'em then they don't know the difference." I sifted the flour and cornmeal into zip bags that I added a bay leaf to. When I saw the boots in her parents' closet I asked before taking two pair of boots. They weren't a perfect fit but they were a ton better than what I had. I gave my boots a proper burial … they needed it so that they wouldn't stink up the house when we closed it up.

Most of the last day I spent fixing a pony cart that had been out in the barn. "Grandad made it for Mom when she and Dad moved out here. Only ponies are too expensive and they had to get rid of it when I was little."

"Well, I'm a sight bigger than a pony but I think this will work. Sometimes you might have to walk but hopefully not all the time. But I can't fix that shade thing that goes over the top; you make sure you and your brother have hats and rain gear just in case."

The last evening there I ran into trouble. Trish is a smart kid. I'll say it again like I said it a lot growing up … kids are a lot smarter than people give them credit for being.

"Rocky, how come you sound like a guy but you talk like a girl. You say the same kinds of things that Momma and Aunt Beth say."

"Uh …." I couldn't do it. I know anyone else would have done it with a smile and been able to make something believable up. But I couldn't. I couldn't just stand there and lie to her face. "This is a big secret Trish and I guess if we are going to be traveling partners I'll tell you, but you can't tell another living soul, not even Mickey." I proceeded to give her a very abbreviate version of my life up to that point. "So you see," I told her after about an hour of story and followed by her questions. "I want you to be able to trust me but I understand … well, I just understand. But I also can't leave you here. We'll leave that letter just on the off chance someone comes looking for you guys and then we'll go find your aunt and uncle."

She swallowed it all a lot easier than I know an adult would have. Maybe that's one of the good things about childhood, the ability to believe in the fantastic. But something was still on her mind. "What if … what if Aunt Beth and Uncle Henry aren't there? What if they de … disappeared just like mom and dad?"

"I'm not promising that they'll be there but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. But what I do promise you is that I won't just leave you and Mickey alone without someone to help you. OK?"

It wasn't OK. This poor kid was scared but it was the best we could come up with.

I woke them up early the next morning and we got on the road so fast they didn't have time to get scared or sad about leaving. It was still mostly dark and soon Mickey was back to sleep and Trish not too far from it. I pulled them and their belongings along in the pony cart. I looked like some where kind of rickshaw driver. If there had been a bicycle I would have tried to figure out some way to use it as the power but there was only Trish's bike and I had to cannibalize it to fix the pony cart.

For the kids the traveling got old real fast. Trish was quiet but Mickey wanted to get down and run around. I tried to take breaks to let him run his wiggles out so that his bouncing didn't throw my stride off so much and make a hard job harder but it didn't always work. Mushroom State Park was the only place that day where they seemed to calm down; apparently they'd gone there often enough with their parents that they were too busy remembering to get rambunctious.

It took two days to get to Salinas and I got through there as quick as I could. It was a knot of misery the likes of which I hadn't even seen in Laramie. Laramie had been alive, this place was full of the walking dead. I wasn't even walking in the middle of town but south of the interstate. The further east I seemed to go the worse it got. Or maybe it was the closer we got back to merging with the interstate.

I stayed on old Highway 40 as much as I could. Sometimes I had to cut through fields, parking lots, or around buildings to get around obstacles, mostly of the manmade variety. I just kept pulling. After Salinas the kids didn't want to get out of the cart and walk. The place had scared them. I tried to ignore the fact that there parents had disappeared in that city but Trish couldn't ignore it and Mickey picked up on his sister's sadness and fear.

After Salinas we stayed the night in Solomon. I had hoped to get through there before night hit but just couldn't. I was tired and getting more tired. Pulling that cart wasn't like walking and carrying my pack; it was like fighting upstream. If the terrain had continued to be flat I'm not sure what I would have done. Two more short days because of Mickey's stomach – I only found out then that he wasn't a very good traveler – found us in Chapman, Kansas.

A day after Chapman we were in another sizeable town, this one called Junction City. I got all kinds of turned around trying to find a road that we could travel that wasn't the interstate but had no luck. It seemed like the I70 was the only piece of blacktop that took you anywhere. What was worse was that as I left the city the next day the interstate turned into a dog track. Something had happened at Marshall Airfield. Cars and trucks and all sorts of stuff that I'm not sure I want to ever know what it was originally littered the entire area. The only good thing is that there was a National Guard presence keeping the roadways moving along. No stopping and gawking, be about your business.

I was more thankful every day that I had thought to fill all the containers I could with water from the kids' house. There just didn't seem to be any place that you could stop and get a drink from. It was after the Ft. Riley Military Reservation that we started picking up the rowdy element. Some of these people were scary. If I hadn't had the kids I would have been OK I think but this being a guardian just took it out of me. I was constantly having to warn people away from the pony cart, away from the kids, trying to lure Mickey away, the men taking notice of Trish and saying things that would have been inappropriate to say to a grown woman, much less a 10 year old girl child. I couldn't sleep at night as the one time I had I woke up to find someone trying to steal stuff from us. I was scared to death I'd wake up too late and someone was trying to steal the kids next.

I was already way on the other side of exhausted before we went that next two days to McFarland. I knew part of the reason that things were getting worse is because it was summer and all the goods that had just been lying around up to that point were all gone. I saw sites that had obviously been ransacked more than once. People were getting hungry and hungry people get mean. When the road started dancing in front of my eyes I knew that I had to find someplace safe so that I could get some sleep.

I had been following the frontage road as often as I could but when I saw it was getting towards dark and most sensible people were already off the road I took the next exit. McFarland is nothing but hand full of streets backed up against some railroad tracks but it was all I had at the moment. The town itself was deserted of original residents and only those of us who were vagabonds remained.

I was heading for a badly tore up building hoping with other better buildings available no one would be in that one. It was dark. I was practically tripping over my feet but I was determined not to go down. Then I heard a sharp cry from Trish and I spun around looking for the threat. He towered over me and the moon made his outline even more terror-inducing to my exhausted brain.


	16. Chapter 16

_**Chapter 16**_

I had the rifle off my arm and aimed.

"Whoa! Put it down Kid. It's me … Hey … Kid … #$% … Richards!"

I pulled the barrel up when I realized who the boogey man was. The surge of complete relief and gratitude caught me off guard. In fact I was so overwhelmed with relief my knees almost gave out. Thank goodness it was dark enough that the shadows would hide my expression. I back pedaled and tried to remember I couldn't jump up and grab him like I was some kind of helpless female. "Oh for Pete's Sake. Don't go calling him, he's worse than an old woman. Trish, stop crying. Remember the men I told you about that helped me get to Nebraska? Back up a little Thor, they've been through a lot."

Trish stopped crying on a hick up and gave a wide-eyed stare at all of the men that had suddenly come out of the dark. Then she got a funny look on her face and wrinkled her nose. "What cool randomness. But … they really do stink just like you said."

It wasn't just Thor who stank. Nor was it Richards and Evans that came running at Thor's bellow. There were several strangers amongst the group that eventually piled around us and I was starting to get real nervous real fast. I knew I was too tired and wasn't thinking straight but I'd given a whole lot just to deal with Thor or Evans than the prying eyes of all of these other men. The more there were the higher the chance for someone to see through my disguise. But the old axiom that people only see what they expect to see was holding. And apparently Evans, and even Thor, had described me enough as a "he" that a "he" is what they saw.

I shrugged Richards off but turned to him and said, "Check the kids out first. They seem OK enough with I found them but …"

I stepped between him and the kids and muttered for his and Thor's ears only. "They'd been alone since March. They got off the school bus but the parents never came home. Nearly all the food in the house was gone and local wildlife had taken all their livestock. Girl is 10, boy is 5. The girl has a lot of gumption and isn't a cry baby but after being alone so long you can imagine she's fragile."

Thor told the other men, "Break it up. We've got a job to do and I don't expect to see a lot of bodies standing around doing nothing. If you have enough energy to do that then I'm not working you hard enough."

I heard a few of the men groan but they all filed off leaving the three men I knew best, me, and the kids alone. Seeing that Richards was pretty doggone good with kids I pulled Thor and Evans to the side. "Look, I know I have no right to ask – and I'm willing to trade what I have to – but … but I need some sleep. It's been rough since Salina and I still need to get them to Topeka. Just one good night's sleep, that's all I'm asking. The kids won't be a problem; they've been bedding down in the tent with me when I've been able to get any sleep. Just one night …" I tried not to sound like I was begging but I think I would have at that point.

Evans said quietly, "Shoot kid, you don't even need to ask. I'll spell you."

I was feeling relieved when Thor said, "No you won't."

Evans got a mean look on his face until Thor said, "Rocky will bring the kids over and we'll take turns the way the rotation is meant to."

At that Evans grinned, slapped Thor on the shoulder and ran to make sure there was a space in the caravan to fit us.

Richards turned when Evans ran off and said, "Little malnutrition but not nearly what I expected to find. Trauma yes, but again, not nearly as much as I expected to find. For a ten year old child, the young girl certainly managed far better than I would have thought possible. She's a keeper. Little boy seems to have some developmental delays but it could be the result of the trauma, can't tell in a five minute diagnostic. I've personally heard stories with similar beginnings that ended a great deal worse. Good thing you found them when you did Rocky. If she had been forced to leave the house … it would not have … well, I'm not even going there. Now I've got to get back to that fool that drank that poisoned hooch. I'm still not sure whether he is going to pull through or not."

The kids had gotten over their initial fear of the unexpected company but were still noticeably overwhelmed. I reintroduced them to Thor and then told them we had a place to stay for the night. Before I could pick up the full weight of the cart Thor helped me to lift it. Before I could object he said quietly, "Don't be a hard head. You're all done in."

It wasn't long before I had a quiet corner surrounded by the gear of Thor's men to set up a small camp for the kids and I. I got a few disgruntled looks from the others, and a lot of curious stares from the guys with them, but no one was openly hostile. I made sure the kids were tucked inside the tent and then gave them time to go to sleep. I was nodding off in front of the flap when Thor came over again.

"Thor," I whispered. "Never mind … if you feel you gotta lecture me then go ahead, just keep it down so the kids don't get scared."

"I ought to. I ought to whale the tar out of you … but Evans … aw #$%. Listen Kid, just because every one of us would likely have done the same thing at your age doesn't make it right. But … I'm gonna leave it at that and just say pot, nice to me you, my name's kettle."

I snorted an involuntary laugh at that. "I … look Thor … I'll be out of your hair in the morning. I … can't imagine how I run into you all here but it is too flaming providential. I'm no fool … stupid and stubborn on occasion but I hope not a fool." I could have said more. I wanted to say more. I was afraid more would have given me away.

Evans showed up and offered me a bowl of some kind of stew. "Have the kids eat yet?"

"Yeah." I looked inside the tent. "Besides they've already crashed and burned." I looked at the bowl and then up and said, "I don't wanna take something out of anyone's mouth. I've got my own supplies."

"Don't sweat it kid, there was enough. You look like you need it."

I shrugged and dug into the bowl hungrily. I'd wanted to do some hunting but was worried that the sound of a rifle would draw unwanted attention even if the area had any wildlife left in it.

"It's none of my business but what are you all …" I cracked a huge yawn. "What are you all doing here anyway? And in the company of these other men? I heard you mention a job."

"Guarding a grain shipment. It gets us from point A to the next stop along the way and buys us food in our belly and some for the road."

"OK, I know I'm stupid tired but did you just say a shipment of grain? If there is grain why are all those people on the road going hungry?"

"Because all of those people on the road are sitting around waiting for someone to give it to them instead of finding a way to earn their keep. They're just waiting to be rescued and no one is going to do it, not now. That's the next big wave of dead coming up. When winter kicks in people are going to be hurting something fierce and the weak aren't going to make it. Medium and small towns are doing best as long as they can get supplies. The big cities … not so much although most of them seem to be trying. Little dots on the map aren't anything but bandit bait."

I thought of the family farm and wondered if our orchards and berry patches were going to get run over before I could get back home. I wondered if I even had a house to go back to. Nana having spilled the address to strangers was my secret fear.

"Whatcha thinking Kid?"

I was so tired I didn't even object to him calling me Kid. "Home. The closer I get the further away it seems." Then I sighed and said, "Thanks. I know you have reason to turn me away but for the little kids' sakes … thanks."

He shook his head. "You are stupid tired. Get some sleep. We have another day of layover and you might as well rest up. We'll talk tomorrow."

I didn't like the sound of that but was too tired to come up with a snappy comeback. I was asleep before I could even take off my boots.

Suddenly I was stuck under a pile on of miniscule proportions. "Listen you little monkey, that is not a nice way to wake someone up."

All Mickey did was laugh as I tried to figure out why the light was so bright. "Whoa, not again or one of us is going to have an accident." I looked over at Trish who was trying not to laugh. They really were good kids all things considered.

"Let me up so I can get you two fed."

"Mr. Chuck already brought us something but he told us to stay in the tent 'til you woke up. Mickey thought it was taking you forever to wake up." I looked at my watch and realized it was close to noon and that Mickey probably wasn't the only one that had been wanting me to wake up if she'd been stuck in the tent.

"Mr. Chuck?" I asked trying to wake up.

"Yo … Rocky … you back amongst the land of the living yet?"

I tried to crawl out of the tent but wound up having to do it with a small rodent by the name of Mickey clinging to my back. "In a manner of speaking," I told Chuckri.

"Mister Chuck!" both kids cried out when they saw him.

I raised my eyebrows at the red creeping into his face. "My kids … would be about the same age."

I opened my mouth on a question and then closed it when I saw the fear in his eyes. He was afraid he was going to get to Independence and his family wouldn't be there. At least, as bad as the ending to that part of my story was I knew for certain. Chuckri didn't … not yet … and like Trish and Mickey might not ever, not for sure. There are worse fates than a life time of not know, but not too many. Even if you learn to be at peace with

it a small candle flicker must still be hiding back there to give you nightmares. A few people do come back after you think they are gone for good … the names Dugard and Smart swam into my memory … but usually the brutal truth is they don't. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy yet I had a feeling that there were a lot of people all around me experiencing that … maybe for the rest of their lives.

"I'll watch the kidlets. Thor wants to talk to you."

Lovely, I wasn't even upright for five minutes before I had to prepare myself for being raked over the coals. I sighed. "Might as well get it over with. Just watch the guys and the F-bombs. These kids were raised right. OK?"

Chuckri was already being handed a book and getting a story demanded out of him but he did manage to throw a "Sure thing" at me before I walked away.

I spotted Thor off to the side with a man I didn't recognize so I leaned against a tree to wait while I chewed on the last piece of jerky I had. I figured chewing on that would keep my mouth shut. Instead Thor called me over with a jerk of his head.

"Rocky, this is Jute Carlson. Jute, Rocky Charbonneau." I kept chewing and nodded my head as the nervous little man danced from foot to foot, obviously anxious about something.

"Big 'un ain't ya. Musta made your momma cry for sure."

Oh brother, not two second in that cretin's company and I was ready to chew on more than the jerky.

Thor headed off Jute's mouth by saying, "Jute signed on to go to Topeka but he got a better offer from a caravan heading south to the Gulf Coast. His contract stipulates to get what pay is coming to him he needs to find a replacement before he can accept the new offer."

I looked at Thor. "I made a promise to those kids."

The man called Jute broke in nervously and said, "I'll give you a quarter of my earnings up to this point."

"That must be some sweet deal," I said trying to figure out what was going on.

"OK, a third, but I can't afford no higher. I'm going to need the silver and the seed when I get where I'm going."

I pretended to think about it and looked to Thor out of the corning of my eye and saw him give him half a wink.

I sighed like I was sure that I was getting the short end of the deal somehow but then said, "Allright I …"

Whatever I was going to say was buried underneath all the jabbering coming out of Jute's mouth and then him flying lickety split to get his gear and catch up with the boss of the other caravan. "OK, so exactly what did I just sign on for. I'm serious Thor, I promised those kids I'd do my best to help them find their aunt."

"And if she isn't where she is supposed to be?"

"Depends on what I find. Either way I promised I wouldn't just abandon them."

Thor flipped me in the head with his hat. "Mush brain. You don't go around making promises like that."

"Not to adults, but those kids would have been eaten up by something … or someone … if I hadn't taken them on. I have to live with myself every day, not just when it is convenient. So again, what is this job or did you just need a way to get him off the team?"

I surprised Thor yet again. "What makes you say that?"

"He doesn't seem the type you would have much patience for and he gave up a third of his pay too quick. Either the job going south is just that much better or he was desperate to get away from this one for some reason."

Thor looked at me for all of two seconds and then let out a laugh that was starting to make me hear more of it. That … that was a bad sign. I could not get friendly with this guy; not any friendlier than I already was. I wasn't chuckleheaded enough to make him mad at me on purpose just to keep him at arm's length but I needed to be more careful. I hadn't done anything to make him laugh on purpose though so I just waited.

"Kid, it's … well #$%, it's good to have you back even if you are a pain in the #$."

"Thanks," I said sarcastically. "But do me a favor and give the foul language a rest in front of the kids if you can. I know I shouldn't ask but … they're just little kids. And Mickey is a freaking parrot. If I do find their aunt I don't want to be run out of town on a rail because he turns into a pint-sized foul-mouthed sailor. And you still haven't told me what the deal is. Or are you avoiding it?"

"Nah. It's actually a pretty decent gig … if you're willing to work. Standard stuff … road security, baby sitting the tagalongs, making sure no one tries to snitch any of the load at night or on the road. Problem from here on out will be that we are traveling straight down the interstate. There are a lot of beggars. There's an advance guard that goes out in front of us and clears any obvious problems … road or human … but there's still a risk. We'll put the kids with Chuckri in the middle third truck. The thing is built like a tank and they've reinforced the paneling and flooring just in case anyone gets too creative."

"Is it Topeka that is bad or is it just a bunch of desperate people?"

After thinking a moment Thor said, "Topeka isn't heaven on earth, that's for sure, but it ain't so bad as most cities that size should be under the circumstances. The city got sprayed with some kind of toxic chem. From what they say it wasn't a gas and only made you sick on contact. Problem was that it came down in an oil and it took a long time to find and clean it all up. Mass die off in the beginning but most of the chem seems to have degraded and most cases of poisoning are now mild and few and far between. We had just rode into town when we got approached by this enclave out around Sherwood Lake. We picked up this load of wheat and in exchange we get paid in metal and grain. We need both if we are going to make it all Independence. We've got to bypass Kansas City and come up into Buckner."

"Wait … I thought that Chuckri's family was in Independence?"

"Just the other side of by a little over a dozen miles, by the Missouri River. So, you in kid?"

"Yeah, into Topeka. But I don't want to promise more than that in case I have to go looking for the kids' aunt … or … or if I have to keep them with me for a while more."

"You know what you could be getting yourself into? Eighteen isn't very old to be taking on that kind of responsibility."

"There you go again, sounding like you are the Old Man of the Mountain," I said even though I'd already told myself once that it was dangerous to be playing with fire. My thoughts about Thor had taken some warmly uncomfortable turns in my dreams lately and I was gonna get burned to death if I wasn't careful. "Seriously though, I've got lots of experience with kids. Peewee League, scouts, and just about everything else my parents ever volunteered for."

"They drag you along?"

I sighed. He already knew about me being a GWB so I decided to be honest. It made my parents look better and I wanted someone to know all the sacrifices they'd made for me. "My parents volunteered to work with children's programs so that I'd have someone to play with. All of my cousins were at least ten or more years older than me and there weren't that many of them to begin with. Parents of the kids couldn't say too much and it gave the kids a chance to get to know me in an organized activity."

"Did it work?" he asked.

I thought about it then shrugged. "Sometimes. But when it didn't it was more the adults' faults than my parents or the other kids. It wasn't until I made it in highschool football that suddenly I had more so-called friends than I knew what to do with. Suddenly my folks didn't need to tie a proverbial pork chop around my neck to get the dogs to play with me. But by then I'd made my own space and was satisfied with it. Besides, there was always Jonathon."

Thor grunted. "You've had it harder than people think haven't you?"

"Huh?" Then I started laughing a little. "I didn't tell you to turn it into a sob story. I'm not out for anyone's pity … nor their sympathy either. My parents made a good life for me and now I'm trying to make one for myself. No one has it perfect. I imagine everyone – you included – could tell a sad story if they tried, and some even if they didn't."

This time it was his turn to shrug. "Actually I didn't have it too bad when I was a kid. The only wrinkle was my old man was a lot older than my mom and wasn't really into kids by the time I came along. It was a good life until he died when I was fifteen. His ticker just gave out. We had to move into my grandmother's place and she never let my mom live it down. I was out of the house the day after I graduated and never went back. I moved Mom out with me after a year but then she got sick … mostly I think she gave up. My dad had done everything for her and she just didn't want to learn to cope after he died. After that I got a job with a contracting unit and I've been around the world enough to know I'm tired of traveling. I want to settle down, just don't know where yet."

That was a lot more than I thought he was going to tell me and it turned me inside out. Lucky for me the kids came running up with Chuckri. Trish crowded me and Mickey tried to climb me like a tree.

"Thor … trouble. The advance team came back, some of them any way."

The kids were shaking so I knew it was bad. "Come on you two. Let's go clean up our camp. Always …"

It was Mickey that responded, "Leave a place better than you found it." Like I said, a little parrot. But I thought having him repeat something that that Dad had drilled into my head was better than some of the other things I'd heard him repeat.

I didn't like being left out but I had responsibilities however I didn't have to wait long as Evans came trotting up. "Ightmay antway otay etgay the idskay inay the enttay. Itsay adbay."

"OK, nap time."

"Awww," Mickey started to complain.

Trish said, "Don't Mickey. I want to go in the tent. I'll lay down if you will. You can even hold my pillow." I looked at her and she said, "Dad and I used to speak Pig Latin as a joke. I don't want to see it if it is bad." Then she zipped the tent shut tight despite the heat of the day.

I turned to Evans and he said, "It ain't good. This is going to change our plans."


	17. Chapter 17

_**Chapter 17**_

"What happened?" I asked Evans. "Have you heard?"

"Most of it … or at least all that I need to know. Thor isn't going to give those road pirates a second chance."

"He'll burn 'em out?" I asked envisioning some kind of battle royale in the near future and despite myself getting a little excited.

"Kid, get your head out of the … er … the story books." I'm sure he meant to say something else but it was cute the way he changed it for the kids' sake who were bound to have been listening through the tent whether they admitted to it or not. "This is real life. You leave that stuff to the people what's it their job to do things like that. Playing hero only gets you dead. Or worse, gets your friends dead. He'll send a message rider to the militia and they'll come in and burn 'em out … assuming the pirates are that lucky," Evans said ominously. "You don't mess with most of these militiamen out here. They's kinda touchy of whot's theirs to protect."

I didn't like being told that I was romanticizing things and not being realistic. I know that's not exactly how Evans said it but that is what he meant. And when he explained it I could see what he meant; it still embarrassed me though.

"Hey Kid, don't think you'll get out of all of the fighting. Even on the back roads we've seen some people get too pushy. But when you's got a job to do you do it. Lucky for us though so far the pirates have stuck to the main transportation lines. They've been picking up all of the toys that have just been lying around and most of 'em like to play rough."

Trying to figure out what Evans meant I asked, "You mean they've been finding guns and stuff?"

"Kid, more than little pop guns." He pulled me further away from the tent. "One group even had a cobbled together Gatling gun from some museum, or so we heard. Flame throwers, grenades, and other nasty things. Worse though, some of those … turds … are starting to show up with biologicals and chems. All we can do is pray that all the dirties have already been detonated; don't need more of that stuff going off. Kid, that reminds me, you ain't planning on going to Asheville are you?"

"Why?" I asked suspicious at the sudden change of topic.

"Got word that the city proper took a few bad hits – conventional not nuclear – and then the riots really took her to the ground. There's an enclave out at the Biltmore working the vineyards and using the grounds for gardens but Asheville itself ain't no place to be if you can hep it."

Trying to put his mind at rest without giving away any more than necessary I told him, "Well, I can hep it. I don't plan on going into North Carolina at all. Well, only the state line but then I'll pick up the AT and head north. That good enough for now?"

"What's the AT?"

"Appalachian Trail."

He was about to grill me some more when Montgomery came up in a hurry. "Load up. We're heading back to Alma and overnight there. Next day is Keene and we'd hopefully get more intel there."

The kids were scared but when I told them they were riding with "Mr. Chuck" they settled right down. I asked him if he was sure that he'd have the patience. "If I can find the patience to be around my ex so that I can spend time with my kids, then these kids will be a breeze."

Well that certainly put a different spin on the story I was building in my head. I was wondering what I was going to do when Thor whistled. He was having the pony cart put on the back of one of the equipment trailers. "You fit to walk?"

"Sure."

"Good. That'll give me someone that can run between trucks. It's only five miles to Alma. We'll overnight there. This is going to put us days behind but I will not risk this shipment if the pirates are working that stretch."

Not only did I "run," I had to help push off some debris that people had piled into the road since the last time they had been through. I'd gotten used to the extreme flatness that I had come through but in this area I started to relearn about up and down and how to pace myself. Despite the good night's sleep I had gotten by the time we pulled into Alma I was tired again. The heat coming off the road added to that but I had been warned to stay off the roadside as people with nothing better to do than cause pain and suffering to others had mined it with painful surprises … trip wires, spiked holes to catch the unwary hiker's foot, actual mines that went boom. All I had to say was some people had way too much time on their hands and too little brain matter between their ears.

It was a tense night in Alma. The scenery, as beautiful as it was, couldn't make up for it. Keene was a little over twenty miles away and we were really going to push it to get everyone there in a single day. Horses and trucks could have done it but we'd picked up some stragglers that were just trying to get from point a to point b and they were paying for the privilege.

Alfonso said, "We had a bigger group leaving Topeka than we have right now but there are more whiners in this group; makes the problems just about even I guess."

He wasn't kidding about the whiners. That night while Thor was going around getting everyone's reports I asked him point blank, "Did you stick me where those crybabies could get to me on purpose?"

He gave a tired chuckle and said, "I'll leave you to wonder." After I told him that I thought one of the trucks was overloaded for the balled tires it had and a few other things that I'd noticed from "on the ground" so to speak he told me, "Anyone in particular giving you grief?"

"I have a couple of favorites but no one I can't handle by ignoring them or giving them your trademark growl. That girl who said she was a cheerleader … wasn't. The girl could barely get in and out of the pickup bed she finally conned someone into letting her ride in. She's got clutz written all over her daisy dukes. And that guy who still insists on carrying around that brief case? Is it me or is he just plain creepy?"

He sighed, "It's people like that that won't make it through this winter. Well, the girl might if she makes herself available as a bed warmer but the life won't be kind to her."

I'm not crude by nature but that had been my thought as well. "Yeah, she reminds me of the girls whose boyfriends always ran off and leave them to get eaten by the monster in whatever horror flick was out. The kids weren't a problem for Chuckri were they?"

Thor shook his head, "Best mood I've seen him in in a while. Might be that woman that was riding shotgun though. She was NG out of Topeka when things went south. She and he seem to have hit it off pretty well."

The wicked grin on his face caused my own to warm up. When he noticed he said, "Lord you make me feel old. Get some rest, it is going to be a long day tomorrow and you have last watch."

I wanted to groan but didn't. There was no way I was going to allow myself to look weak. "Sure thing Old Man."

"Yeah … and don't you forget it." Only when he said it I noticed that his voice didn't have quite the whim, wigger, and witality that he normally did. I thought either I had hurt his feelings somehow, which I was at a loss as to how, or he wasn't as unaffected by the constant work and ruckus as he tried to make people believe he was. It made me determined to be less of a pain for him, although a part of me enjoyed it enough I would miss it.

The road to Keene was both as good and as bad as I had expected. I switched off with several of the men so I didn't have to be a runner the whole twenty miles. On the other hand that meant I had to ride in the trucks.

I learned something amazing. The body can get use to traveling at a slower pace and to suddenly get even close to "modern speed" the inner ear tries to revolt; or at least mine did. Anything faster than say twenty or twenty-five miles an hour and my head started to swim. As the day wore on the feeling was less pronounced as my body remembered what it was like traveling at that speed but it just seemed so strange to have that problem.

That night, when Thor came around I was almost too embarrassed to ask him if anyone had ever reported feeling like that.

"Kid, how many weeks, months, has it been since you were doing anything other than walking? God gave us two legs for a reason. On a horse we still feel the living thing beneath us doing what God created it to do. But when you get on a machine after so long away from it our brains kind of revolt. One of the reasons we filled that bus with grain instead of people is because on the trip out here we kept having people get car sick. Human body just isn't designed to go from zero to sixty without practice. Some people like the feelings that roller coasters give you and some don't. Some like driving fast and some don't. Same thing."

"Well, at least I don't feel like such an idiot then. Although I do have some fond memories of our family vacation to Florida. We must have hit every theme park in the state and I rode every ride in every one of those parks. Of them all the only ones that gave me the willies were the 4D rides."

"Four-D?"

"Yeah, you know. You're watching a 3D show only they add special effects like puffs of air that feelings like things are crawling up your legs or rumbles in the head rest that makes it seem like there is something behind you." He laughed and then shook his head at my foolishness. "Don't tell me you never did anything for fun."

With a look he said, "The kind of stuff I thought was fun isn't the kind of stuff you tell in polite company."

"Aw come on," I laughed. "When is the last time I claimed to be polite company." But no matter how I begged and pleaded he wouldn't tell me. Oh well, not like I really needed to know but I wondered what Thor had thought of as fun … when fun was easier to come by.

The next day was the leg that would take us to the west side of Topeka. It was the same kind of day as the previous one except that at mid-day I ran up to the truck that Thor was in and hopped on the running board. "Thor, you've got a city map of Topeka."

He looked at me through the rolled down window. "Yeah."

"If I give you an address could you plot it?"

"If the address is good."

I gave him the address of the kids' aunt that I had taken out of the address book. "Looks like you're in luck Kid. It's near the enclave we are delivering to."

"How near?"

He took another look and said, "Same lake but on the other side."

That gave me a lot to think about. It was going to be easier to find the address than I thought but it seemed like it was also going to be sooner than I was ready for if their aunt wasn't there. I jumped off the running board and went back to work which primarily amounted to babysitting the tagalongs. At my next break I ran to the truck where the kids were riding with Chuckri.

"Hey, how are you two kidlets doing?"

They both laughed. "What?!"

"You've got dirt on your face!" They both said continuing to laugh. I looked in the side view mirror and I did look a mess. "Ha ha, very cute," I said grinning to take the sting out of my words. "They behaving themselves?" I asked Chuckri.

"Always." You could tell he and the woman in the truck were fond of the kids and both seemed pretty good natured which even I knew was always a plus when working with kids.

I didn't want to break the kids' mood so I didn't raise the fact that I would be going to look for their aunt the next day, tonight I would be stuck helping to unload the wheat and get rid of the tagalongs. I had no idea what I would find when I did go looking. I'd heard there was a secure enclave near with their aunt lived. But I'd also heard that Topeka was a mess. I didn't know what I was going to find but for their sake, as well as Chuckri's, I needed to find out sooner rather than later.

First we had to get into Topeka and I'd been warned it wouldn't be pleasant.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

We'd been travelling on Skyline Road shortly before turning onto CR4 as we entered Keene. After the overnight in Keene we stayed on CR4 until we got to this area that used to be fancy golf clubs and the courses that members played on. There were a few that said "open to the public" but most of them look like they used to be those members-only types. The only reason that I knew they were golf courses at one time was because the signs because they sure didn't look like it any more. And that's where the trouble started. People had plowed up the greens of the golf courses and planted large gardens … and those gardens were well guarded.

Seems from what I eventually found out that it worked three ways. Some of the greens were "rented" to people living in the city. For those plots you either paid in some kind of currency such as precious metals and stones, jewelry, fuel, or the locally issued credits; or, you could pay in a percentage of your harvest similar to what share croppers used to do. Some of the other greens were actually worked by the remaining local government with the resulting produce used as salary (as opposed to salad) to pay municipal workers. The remaining greens had been taken over by whoever could hold them. That last group was the most dangerous as they tended to shoot first and ask questions later and because they were gradually getting taken over and absorbed by what amounted to a land baron turned gang leader.

I was running beside the tagalongs, warning them they were getting near to their disembarkation point – that is what the caravan bookkeeper called it not me, it sounded kind of snooty but I guess it was better than saying, "Hey y'all, we're about to dump you on the side of the road." Out of nowhere a series of shots rang out.

At least one of the shots hit the wheels of the truck with the balled tires and there was a pretty good bang as the tire gave out and the truck tipped in my direction. I hit the ditch to avoid the falling belongings that had been piled at the top of the already unwieldy load of goods that it was carrying. I'd warned Thor that I thought the load would be a problem but there hadn't been time – or inclination – to unload and reload it better.

"Whoa … whoa … whoa! Stand down!" Thor bellowed at the top of his lungs. I wanted to ask him who he was talking to, us or the shooters, but was out of breath where I had hit a glancing blow on a concrete culvert on my way to find something close to a fox hole. I was trying to decide whether to crawl out of the ditch or not when the big man strode down the road. Another shot rang out and I rolled to the other side and took aim in the direction the shot had come from.

"Parnell! Either get your people under control or I'll shoot them myself. Your boss already isn't going to be too happy after I find him and take the cost of this equipment damage out of his hide!" Thor bellowed. "And if any of my people are hurt I will exact a more personal payment out of you!"

Some serious distrust of this Parnell character was beginning to set in for me. Suddenly I spied a rifle trying to get a better aim in Thor's general direction. I was tracking the movements when the guy popped up fast and purposefully. "Thor! Down!"

I got mean cold and then let fly. May not have been what Dad meant me to do when he was teaching me to hunt but then again I'd shot dangerous animals before and this was no different. The man was flung back behind his cover so I wasn't for sure that I'd killed him, but I wasn't exactly worrying the idea that he might be to death either.

My shot hadn't even stopped echoing when a blow horn sounded. "Next person that takes a shot at this caravan will be arrested and taken before Judge Harold for prosecution by order of the First Topeka Militia and the City Council!"

"Hold still Kid," Thor told me. "Don't move and just do what the man says when he comes over."

Several armed men in a mix of hunting gear and urban camou spread out into the fields ordering people to stand down if they hadn't done so already. I saw one man try and back talk get a solid punch that sent him to his knees and he had his weapons confiscated before being hauled away. I decided to take Thor's advice and stay down in the ditch. Besides my shoulder was really starting to sing from the stupid culvert. A man came over and was speaking to Thor and for some odd reason I started feeling dizzy.

"Kid. Hey Kid. Kid?" I turned to look up at Thor and then decided I would rather sit down even if it meant sitting down in a muddy ditch.

Thor jumped down and then said a few words that I had a hard time understanding since they kept slipping away from me. "What have you gone and done now?"

I tried to explain but was having a hard time focusing. "Think I might have … hey … will you stop moving?"

Only Thor wasn't moving. Apparently what I had thought was a glancing blow of landing on the concrete culvert was actually where a bullet had skipped across my shoulder.

"Medic!" bellowed the guy that had been talking to Thor. I'll admit though that his bellow wasn't near as loud or pretty as Thor's.

I was in the middle of trying to figure out whether I wanted to panic or puke when this woman nearly as big as me jumps down in the ditch, takes one look at me and asks, "What's your name?"

I swallow and say, "Rocky Charbonneau."

Then she gives me this sorta double look like you can't quite believe what you are seeing or hearing. "You're kidding me. The football player?" I eyed her real tight. She rubbed her hands together like she was planning something. "I got a couple of cousins that wanted to play against you so bad they couldn't stand it. Can you walk?"

I sighed thinking my life was over. "Yeah."

"Well then don't just sit there like a knot on a log, I don't plan on carrying you out of this ditch. A big tough like you should be able to rock and roll all day long and not complain about it." I rolled my eyes thinking this woman has got to be kidding. Even had I been inclined to let my ego get that big my parents, Coach, or my team mates would have brought me back to reality. Throwing a thumb in a general direction she told me, "Get to my buggy and I'll run you into the clinic. Thor, stop acting like a fuss budget. You'll get Rocky back in one piece."

"I can't leave. My kids …"

"No way, I never heard that part of the story."

I sighed, "Not mine mine. I mean I picked up a couple of kids that … oh never mind. I was bringing them their aunt and uncle around Sherwood Lake."

"Name?"

"Huh?"

She gave me a look like my brains must have been leaking out of my ears. "The name of the aunt and uncle. I've got the latest roster here on my clip board."

"Oh. Marshall … Beth and Henry Marshall … or maybe Elizabeth Marshall."

As soon as the name was out of my mouth I knew something was up. She said quietly, "Beth was a Nurse Practitioner in my clinic. Henry died the day the chems fell … Beth died less than a week later when some junkies hit the clinic looking for a fix."

Too late did I see a pale little face peeping from behind the front bumper of a truck a few feet away. I wasn't the only one that had suddenly noticed her. "Oh crap. Was that the kid?" the woman asked as the tail of Trish's braids disappeared.

"Yeah, the girl. Her name's Trish, little brother too, half her age."

"We can't take any more orphans," the woman said in a dead voice. "No exceptions. And before you say anything else the rule isn't mine. We're overflowing with kids and we just can't take anymore in."

From the direction Trish had gone Chuckri came out and said, "Not a problem."

We all looked at him and he threw his chin up daring anyone to say anything. I asked him anyway. "Chuckri, you sure? What about your plans?"

"Don't have to change my plans, just adds to 'em. Besides Delia and I … we want 'em." Like he was daring me he asked, "You got a problem with that Kid?"

"Kiss my left big toe. I've seen you with them 'Mr. Chuck'," I threw right back at him. "But it looks like I'm your buddy until you get to a stopping point because I promised the kids that I'd …" My steam was running out and I stumbled.

"OK, you can play Who's Is Bigger when I get Rocky patched up." I had a feeling that under any other circumstances I would have really liked this woman. But for right now she held my fate in her hands and I didn't like anyone having that kind of power over me.

It was Thor that boosted me into the woman's buggy. "Thor, I don't have a problem with Chuckri but try and figure out what his problem is with me. He makes good dad material so I don't get why he is so defensive about it. And watch my gear. And …"

"Shut up Kid," he told me quietly. "Nona, I'll be around to pick the Kid up as soon as I dump this load."

"Listen to the man Rocky. You'd think it was a threat," said the woman apparently named Nona.

"Yeah. Well …" the last was left hanging in the air as I started to hang onto the buggy strap. Nona didn't appear to believe in the adjective slow.

As soon as we were far enough away the questions started. "OK, now want to tell me why the Butch do on your head and why for some unfathomable reason those men think you are male?"

"I'm so dead meat," I groaned.

"Not if you can give me a good enough story."

I looked at her and decided I didn't have a whole lot of choice in the matter. I gave her an abbreviated version of my life since the world started falling apart. I ended by saying, "I'm not so full of myself that I don't know that just because I was the Freight Train on the playing field that my reputation would do a doggone thing for me out in the real world. Under these clothes and this dirt I'm still a girl and there are still men that would get off on … er … putting me in my place the hard way."

"I hear you." She stopped and thought about it for a while as we tooled through heavier traffic now that we were in the city. "All right, I'll keep your secret. On one condition."

Suspicious I asked, "And that is?"

"You don't give that guy grief that wants the kids."

I was getting progressively dizzier but that didn't make a bit of sense to me. "I never said I was going to give him any grief. He was the one that started up with me."

"Then you be the one to back off. I know Delia and if she is still with the guy it is serious. Delia can't have kids, something wrong with her ovaries, these kids would give her an in."

I don't like blackmail. "Look, I'll risk it if you are trying to blackmail me. I'm not going to turn those kid over to just anyone. Nor will I sit back and watch a friend get used. I haven't got all the details but Chuckri has already had enough grief from one woman over kids. I won't …"

"Geez, relax with you. If you are backing Chook-Ree or whatever his name is I'll back Delia. The kids will get the best of both."

I told her fine but in my head I knew I had one more thing to check before I let it rest. I was in and out of the busy clinic in less time than it had taken to get there and I was left woozy and wondering just how I was going to get back to the crew.

"Didn't I tell you I'd pick you up?" growled an irritable voice.

"Don't Thor. Just don't. My shoulder aches like a son of a gun and my head hurts from all the screaming and hollering going on in Saw Central," I told him throwing my thumb back towards the clinic. "They were doing an amputation without anesthesia. And some guy came in burned to a crispy critter but he was still alive; I saw his eyes. And I don't even want to know what else. Plus that crazy woman … Dr. Nona Schmitz … I had to pay in good silver to get out of there or she threatened to put me in the lock down ward." Every bit of it was true but I was unnerved enough that I needed to turn it into a joke so that I could distance it a bit.

Thor snorted, "Sure Kid. Can you ride on your own or …?

"No doubles. I'll stay on if I have to tie myself on. Just I hope you don't have any dainty pony or donkey for me to ride. My feet might drag the ground."

Thor just shook his head at my attempts at humor and asked, "Did the gargoyle shoot you up with something or did you hit your head too?"

"Neither though I'm wishing for one or the other right now. I've got some Tylenol in my pack. I'll knock back a few when we get back."

It wasn't fun for me to get in the saddle but I did. It was Evans' horse so I knew he wasn't skittish which helped me to relax a bit. At least until Thor started in on me.

"Kid, I'm asking you to take it easy on Chuckri and not give him a hard time over the two little ones," he started out quietly.

My temper could get the best of me even when I was feeling my best. But the way I was feeling right then he wasn't halfway through the sentence before I was boiling. I jerked the poor undeserving horse to a stop and then turned to Thor. "Dat burn it already. Why is it that everyone is assuming that I'm going to give Chuckri any grief?! I'm not the one that started that crap. He did. I'm standing there feeling like crud, my head was spinning, I manage to remember my responsibilities to the kids and put them first, and he comes up and makes me look like the bad guy. Tell me please, what the heck did I do to deserve that?! And now you on top of everything else? What next? Evans going to read me the riot act too?"

I turned the horse again and just headed off down the road we were on. I was fighting hard to reign myself in if not the horse. It was Thor who grabbed the bridle and said, "Whoa!" despite the fact I hadn't been going much more than a fast walk. "Don't get so bent out of shape Kid."

"You don't get so bent out of shape. And go tell it to Chuckri too. And that Dr. Gargoyle who just happens to know Delia and read me the same story. If I hadn't trusted Chuckri … and by his word that Delia woman … then the kids would never have been riding in the truck with him. If I hadn't trusted you to know the right thing even if I didn't I wouldn't have had us join the caravan at all. So you and everyone else can go stuff it. I'll make sure of what the kids want and if they don't want to be here then nothing anyone can say will make me break my promise to them."

I'd finally managed to shut him up. I clammed up and he didn't say anything else. I followed him to the camp and then got off Evans' horse. I was going to take care of the beastie but every time I tried to take the saddle off I pulled my shoulder. "Here Kid, just move out of the way." It was Montgomery that had come up and I was hurting bad enough that I didn't object.

I walked away stiffly without a backwards glance to see where Thor was and went in search of my gear. I spotted it off to the side by the pony cart and quicker than you could say Bob's your uncle I broke into my first aid kick and was inhaling the pills I'd stashed there. The tent was already set up and I saw Mickey asleep inside and then jumped to look around for Trish. She was beside the tent and it was obvious she'd been crying. I could see Delia a little way off keeping an eye on the two but I decided it was best to ignore her for the moment.

I sat down more heavily than I had meant to. "Trish I need to talk to you. Do you mind?" A little shake of her head was all I got. "I know this whole thing hurts. I guess I might have gotten your hopes up by bringing you this way."

A small voice said, "Sorta, but it isn't your fault I guess. I wanted to believe that they were all just here waiting for us. Even Mom and Dad."

"Aw Honey," I said then sighed knowing I had to get to it before I got sidetracked in her pain. "Look, the timing isn't great but I made you a promise and no matter what I am going to keep it. I've heard what everyone else wants for you and your brother. Now I want to know what you want."

"I want my Mom and Dad. Or Aunt Beth. Even Uncle Henry though he used to make Dad mad."

"I know how you feel. I want my folks so bad it's like it won't ever stop hurting. But neither one of us can have the first things we want. If I could make this come true for you I would but I can't. But I want you to think on this, the only reason they didn't come to get you is because they couldn't. Death was the only thing that stopped them from coming to find you. That's gotta mean something."

She barely shrugged. "I guess. But what do we do now?"

"No one has said anything to you?"

"No. Everyone has just been so angry or busy."

"What a buncha knuckleheads," I muttered under my breath. "Trish, I think they are mad at me because they think I'm going to take you and Mickey away from the people that want you. Well, I'm not inclined to but I'm not going to stay out of it until I find out what you and Mickey want. You are who I made the promise to … not the other people."

I finally had her full attention. "Trish, I need to know, do you want to be with Mr. Chuck and Delia? I know they want you … and Mickey too. I know that they seem like people that will try real hard to be good parents to you … not to make you forget your Mom and Dad but to continue doing the job your Mom and Dad were doing. They want to love you too. But I want you to have a say in it, not just what a buncha grownups tell you you have to do."

She was quiet a long time. "Do you think Mom and Dad would be mad if we went with them?"

That choked me up a bit. "Trish, I'm not nearly old enough to have all the answers to stuff but your parents seemed like they loved you a whole bunch. I know they'd want people around that were going to take care of you and love you. And raise you right. I think Chuckri can be that person and Chuckri thinks Delia is that kind of person and I trust him to make a good decision about that kind of stuff."

Another silence and then, "Mickey doesn't even remember much anymore. Only me. Will I start forgetting too?"

That really hurt. "We might forget some things, that's how God helps us to be able to live with the hurt. The memories get soft and fluffy around the edges. But we'll always remember the most important thing which is that they loved us, that they helped us to know what love really is. It wouldn't be a good thing though if we let their love be the only love we ever feel or let anyone ever give us. Sometimes it is just as important to let people love us as it is for us to learn to love them back."

"Are you going to find you some parents too?"

I sighed, "Sometimes I wish I could but most of the time I remember that I'm already grown enough that I have to be responsible for myself. So instead of parents I … well, I guess I'll have to have friends."

"Would you be mad if I said we wanted to go with Mr. Chuck and Miss Delia?"

Getting exasperated with that particular theme I tried not to show it. "I don't know why people keep asking me that. All I've ever cared about is what was best for you and Mickey. I promised to get you to people who would care for you and care about you. I was willing … am willing … to do it if that is the way it turns out but never intended on being selfish about it. I just want you two monkeys to be happy and taken care of."

"So you wouldn't be mad … or hurt?"

"Over what? You finding what you need? I grew up learning there is a lot of stuff about God's plans for people that I don't understand. I don't know why things have happened the way they have but I do know that Chuckri and Delia seem eager to take you two on … for your sakes, not for theirs. Seems kind of senseless to fight against it unless you don't want it and if that is the case I'll do whatever I have to do to make sure that you and Mickey get your way."

Another silence and then she flung herself at me in a hug. Unfortunately she started crying … I nearly did too as she'd hit my shoulder.

"What did you do? Can't you see those kids are grieving and confused?" a voice snarled.

I guess we'd been talking so quiet that Delia hadn't heard what we'd been saying. I untangled Trish who was still crying and sat her up. "You sure?"

She nodded and I beckoned Delia over who was staring at me like I had three heads. I recognized the look and admit that it hurt a little to be reminded of it. I stood up and turned to face an enraged Chuckri. He opened his mouth and I said, "Don't you dare start something. Let's go over there." When we had walked away from the kids he started again and I told him, "Shut up before you say something that is going to make you look like a bigger donkey's behind than you are already acting."

He pulled back a fist and I told him, "You don't want to do that because in the mood I'm in right now I will hurt you like no one knows I can hurt someone. The only reason I'm standing right here and trying to be civil is for that little girl's sake. I lost my own parents not that long ago because of this stupid war or whatever it is. I know how she's feeling. All I wanted to know, to make sure of, was that she wanted to be with you and Delia, to give her some control and power when she was feeling like she didn't have any. I don't know what your problem is but deal with it. I never had any objection to you and Delia and don't know what put that into your head in the first place. I don't give a rat's hindquarters whether you believe me or not. And despite the fact that you act like someone has dropped you on your head recently I still don't object to it. Keep the tent for the kids …"

He opened his mouth again and I told him, "Just shut up. Whatever you've got to say I don't want to hear it. Keep the tent. And the pony cart and the stuff in it, it was theirs anyway. I'm grabbing my gear and going. You decide what you want to tell them, you will anyway."

I carefully walked back to the little camp and grabbed my gear which started Trish up again. "What's with the waterworks Shorty? I've got to get ready for work."

"You sure that's all? I thought you and Mr. Chuck were going to fight."

"Nope. I wouldn't do that to you and Mickey. Some things are too important. Remember, we made promises to one another." Her eyes widened and she nodded, remembering that she had promised not to tell anyone that I was female.

I tapped her head finally getting a smile, looked at Mickey still sleeping peacefully and then tried to pick up my gear. A hand went to grab it from me. I snatched it back. Chuckri said stiffly, "I was just trying to help."

Quietly I told him, "You've helped about all I can stand for a good long while." I turned and left without looking his way again.

If I hadn't been so tall the pack would have dragged the ground. As it was it took most of what I had left to keep my own rear bumper from dragging. I was more than tired, I was heartsick and depressed. I was wondering why it is that people always have to make me feel like I'm less than they are, like I'm to blame for some heartache that they've suffered. As sure as I was standing there I knew that if it got out that I was GWB someone would blame me because some idiots got it into their heads to try and destroy the world. And if they found out I was female they'd blame some other crud on me.

I was beginning to yearn again for the lonely of the open plains; being lonely in a crowd felt so much worse. I stopped, looking around for a likely place to crawl into a hole and pull it in after me.

"You OK?" I jumped and then saw Evans in the shadows.

"Of course, why wouldn't I be?"

"Kid, don't that chip ever get heavy?"

"I've been carrying it too long. It's just a lump on my shoulder these days."

The older man chuckled sounding just about as tired as I was. "You something else Kid. Come on over here. Thor and I have a quiet corner staked out. And get that sour look off your face, at least over here you'll be left alone."

Rather than give a verbal answer I walked over and dropped my gear down and started to unroll my bedroll. "Good call Kid." He stretched out a boot and toed my gear out of his line of sight. "You know, you let people get to you too much."

I sighed. "I'm going to get a lecture or a bunch of questions from you too?"

"Nope. But I'll explain some things. Chuckri's ex, she couldn't stand him gone all the time. Chuckri wasn't gone because he wanted to be, he had obligations and contracting was the only way to pay them. It wasn't the money his ex was complaining about, she just wanted someone around to admire what she bought with it. Well, she found someone all right. Tried to have her cake and eat it too. Then when Chuckri found out he tried to fix things because of his kids but it was too late. Then she did everything she could to keep him away from the kids. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't."

I was too tired. "Fine. Chuckri's past gives him reason to feel the way he does. But it doesn't give him an excuse to be a donkey's backside. And unless his wife looks like a buzz cut football player there shouldn't have been any mistake that I was her."

"So did you let him take the kids?"

"For the last flaming time, he didn't take the kids whether I let him or not. Trish and Mickey chose who they wanted to go with. I'm cool with that, why can't other people just be happy for the kids without turning it into some super drama and competition?"

"You gonna be OK with that?" I heard Evans ask as I was trying to crawl down without jarring my shoulder anymore than necessary.

"Does it matter whether I am or not? It's what's best for the kids."

A deep rumble from out of the dark said, "Kid, get some sleep."

"That's what I'm trying to do. When am I on guard duty?"

"Go to sleep Kid."

"Thor …"

"Go to sleep. And if you run off in the morning I'll …"

"Don't make threats Thor. I'm done with them. I'm me and if people can't handle that then so be it. I'm going to be living life my own way from here on out. I'm not sure if that includes you and your little glee club or not. I'm tired of being the outsider made to feel like I'm not quite good enough and worrying what people think of me. Seems that no matter what I do nothing makes a difference. So kiss my left big toe. I'll fulfill my promise to those kids and make sure Chuckri didn't bite off more than he could chew. If you or anyone else don't like it that's just too bad. After that, my life is my own. You can either accept that or not."


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

I'd given into Evans but the truth was I really would have preferred to have found that hole. I was stressing badly. I was once again tired beyond measure. My shoulder felt like someone had taken a sledge hammer to it. The thing with the kids was a load off my mind but an added load to my sorrow … I knew in the end they'd never pick me but still, sometimes in the back of your head you want someone to pick you first just once. Almost getting caught had really flipped the panic switch. And the lying … I was getting tired of it. I didn't feel like I had the luxury of telling the truth but at the same time I was getting so tired of the pretense. I felt like I could never quite get clean. And if I did tell any of the men the truth, would that always interfere in a friendship or destroy any chance of friendship. I felt boxed in no matter what I wind up choosing.

And the time was coming that I would have to make some decisions. I would do what I said and get the kids to Chuckri's place but after that I was beginning to doubt if I could carry on this farce in the company of so many. I started to realize that "being a male" might offer me some freedom and protection but it also kept me from some of the things that made me who I am. I'd never been a girly girl but I'd never wanted to change my gender to male either. There may have been some that questioned what my true gender was – that whole hermaphrodite thing I was teased unmercifully about for a while – but I was never in any doubt, not even when some people tried to tell me I should be confused about it. There were a lot of things I hadn't counted on when I'd made my original choice to masquerade. I even missed my hair which was about the dumbest thing of the entire situation.

I hadn't realized how hard it would be to keep up the disguise. I only wanted to get home, I hadn't planned on making friends along the way. It made me feel bad to lie to them. I was collecting intimate secrets that made these people I was with who they are but I was unable to share my own. And if I did I wondered if they'd turn on me as so many others had.

I also hadn't planned on growing up. I had only a vague idea of how young I was when I started this odyssey; you never really realize how young you are until you are passed the point of no return and look back. Maybe I was mature for my age as people before had told me, but what I'd lived through since that night in San Francisco was bringing about a whole 'nother level of maturity. I felt older; mentally, physically, spiritually. I even looked older when I bothered to look in the mirror and try to remember who I used to be.

Part of my problem was that I was also realizing that it wasn't just that I was tired of being a male and wanted to go back to being a girl. Frankly I didn't want to go back to being a girl. What I wanted was to move forward and be a woman. And be acknowledged for being a woman. And I wanted that acknowledgement from someone in particular if for no other reason than to see him swallow his teeth; which quite honestly was stupid beyond words. First off he had a good ten years on me. Second I'd seen enough women giving him the eye to know I didn't stand a chance. More than either of those I knew the last thing I needed was to start experimenting with the kind of problems that kind of longing could bring me. Thor was out of reach no matter how I looked at it.

I also wanted to be honest with Evans; he was turning into as much a mentor as a friend and I figured I owed him the truth even if it wound up disgusting him. He wasn't replacing my father by any stretch but I appreciated the time and effort he put into teaching me things that I didn't know. For all his cantankerous gruffness he was a lot easier to be around than the other men because he was solidly real … and made it plain that so long as I didn't act like a complete fool I could count on him. I came real close to telling him that morning but right away I could see something was wrong. I wasn't sure what it was exactly but his coloring wasn't good and he seemed to be having trouble with his balance.

I'm not a tattle tail by nature, and goodness knows that I'm hard headed and would try and work even if my leg was falling off, but something about Evans upset me. It upset me enough that I did the last thing I wanted to do that morning. I tracked Thor down and lucked out by finding him in the office warehouse by himself trying to figure everyone's take home pay.

"Decided I'm worth talking to or did you just want your pay so you could skedaddle?" he asked sarcastically.

"Knock it off Thor. Have you seen Evans this morning?"

"Is he missing? Where's the last place you saw him?" he asked like the man was a lost sock.

"No. I mean have you seen him this morning. Something's … off."

He finally took notice of how serious I was and put the clipboard down. "Off how?"

"I'm not sure I can explain it exactly. Just … weak … and his balance don't look so good."

He said carefully, "Kid, you know that Evans is a hard drinker when he falls off the wagon."

"Yeah, he told me but I haven't seen him doing it all the time I've been with you guys. And he wasn't drunk last night. It's like he woke up this way. This isn't hungover and still slightly drunk, this is … I don't know what. Team me with him today so I can keep an eye on him."

That got me a surprised look. "Didn't you just off load those two kids? You looking for somebody else to babysit?"

"Thor … don't. I wouldn't mess with Evans' pride like that 'cause I don't like it when you guys do it to me. This is … different. I can't explain it but it is."

I could tell he was thinking it over. He crossed his arms across his barrel chest – and why I needed to start noticing that was beyond me, bad enough I'd started dreaming of running my fingers through the thick hair and wondering if his moustache tickled. "You sure you aren't creating a situation to get out of working with … the other men?"

Trying to be as serious as he was since he was finally listening to me I said, "You mean with Chuckri. I told you yesterday that I didn't have a problem with Chuckri and Evans explained stuff so that his attitude makes a little more sense. It doesn't excuse how he acted and I plan on avoiding him as necessary so the kids don't get upset but I'm not afraid to be around him if it is all about work and nothing else. How'd he behave is something different though, I personally think he is being an idiot to try and instigate something with me. Y'all have only seen me get hurt pretty much, you've never really seen me put my whole effort into a fight. On the playing field wasn't the only place people used to rag on me about … about being a GWB. And it wasn't just kids either."

I wasn't bragging. A couple of adults had tried to make a point that I was a freak of nature and they found out the hard way that Dad had taught his girl how to handle cretins like that. I had considered going into boxing when I'd been denied football and had never really put the idea away though I suppose by that time that was gone on the wind just about like every other goal I'd ever thought I'd had. I had even trained a bit but had to be careful that the school didn't get in trouble for me using their equipment. When it came to a serious one-on-one fight Chuckri may have had an inch or two on me but our reaches were about the same; he may have been wiry but I was built for strength and trained for speed and endurance. I'd outlast him unless he could take me down right away and he'd need more leverage than he had to pull that one off. I'd seen no sign that he was proficient in anything but basic brawling. It would take a pile on to take me down and I'd hurt as many as I could on the way there.

I put those thoughts away and focused on persuading Thor. "Look, just team me with Evans. If I'm wrong I'm wrong and I won't say anything else. Tell him you want him to keep an eye on me. Everyone will believe that one and even Evans will think he is doing me a favor and have no idea about the other." I thought about it for a few seconds and then added, "Please."

That surprised him more than anything else had. "You're really worried about him."

"I don't want to call it worry … yet. I want to be wrong. But … I can't explain it, something feels off. And Evans wouldn't let me see a weakness if he could possibly cover it up or bluff his way through it so either he isn't aware of how bad it is or it is so bad he can't cover it up."

He sighed, "Then I guess it is a good thing you two are already teamed for the week. I wouldn't want to have to come up with some reason to change the roster at this point. It would create too many questions and take too much time."

Trying not to be irritated that he could have just told me that in the first place I said, "Thanks."

As I turned to leave he called, "Rocky."

"Yeah?"

"So that really is your name."

I wanted to roll my eyes but didn't know if it was a particularly manly move. Instead I said, "I told you it was."

"Yeah. Yeah you did. Just seems kind of strange."

I tried to walk away again and he asked, "Just how famous are you? Gotta remember, we've been out of the country more than in the last few years."

"Huh?" When I realized he was talking about the thing with Dr. Gargoyle I groaned. "Don't start. Some people just make a bigger deal of it than it deserves. It was our team that finally made it to state champs, it wasn't just me. People just recognized me because of the fact I was a … er … GWB. They never let me live it down and it got some play in the rags that report on highschool sports. Having a team mascot that was an AV geek didn't help either; every blasted play he put someone's backside up on YouTube. Mostly I got attention because a lot of people thought that was the only reason that I was being allowed to play; I was supposed to be getting special attention because I was different not because I could actually play. When I proved them wrong, that I was just as capable as the others on the team were, most of those mouthy people weren't too happy. So no biggie … please don't … don't bring it up around the men. Highschool already seems a lifetime ago and isn't worth bragging about for the rest of my life … and I want to leave that stuff behind. It doesn't buy me a doggone thing in this life but more trouble. I don't want to have to explain things … especially the GWB part."

"Another lie?"

I sighed, "Whatever dude. Tell 'em if you think that's what you should do. I'm getting to the point I don't care anymore." I was disappointed that Thor was turning out to be just like all the others and more disappointed in myself that I had expected anything else. "All I wanted was to make sure I could help Evans today if he needs it. Now that's covered I'll leave you alone."

He called me back one more time but all I did was turn. "Kid?"

"What?" I asked my protective force field firmly in place.

"You can trust me."

I was sore, tired, and worried and that left me with no patience for his digging. "I do trust you … or was trusting you as I don't know exactly how I'm starting to feel anymore. If I hadn't trusted you I wouldn't be here, sure as heck wouldn't have brought those two kids into it. I already told you that only you seem to suffer from convenient memory lapses. And what's more I didn't need to know your whole freaking life's story to give you my trust; a thing I might add I've never given very easily and even you should be able to understand why."

He tried to open his mouth around something but I wasn't through. "You know it's a doggone shame that I can accept you guys for who you claim to be but I can't seem to get the same respect in return. I've spent my whole life being thought of and treated like some kind of freak that's going to go postal at any moment and I'm getting tired of it. You're turning out to be just like everyone else. You can't just accept me at what I offer to share." I was close to saying things I would regret so I turned to walk away while saying, "Whatever. Just tell 'em. Maybe it would be better anyway that way I wouldn't have to guess just how fast they'll turn their backs on me. Chuckri isn't the first to act like I'm not worth the trouble to have around only the most obvious … besides you I mean. I don't know why I bother. It'll all will wind up the same, just like always."

With that I left. I knew then that the choice of whether to stay with the group or go would soon be a moot point. I was letting myself get too emotionally involved and when you do that you get hurt and when you get hurt it becomes too easy to make mistakes and let things slip that shouldn't.

I headed back to find Evans and let him know we were teamed for the whole week. "Well don't I just feel special. I get to babysit the Kid," he said crankily.

"And I get to put up with your abuse all week so were even," I reminded him. "At least you didn't have to deal with Madame Gargoyle poking and prying yesterday so cut me some slack."

I got a snort as an answer for my sass and we went off to start our patrolling. I kept an eye on Evans which was easy to do because he insisted on trying to impart his vast stores of experience and what he considered wisdom in a single day. In other words he expected me to be paying attention to him, just didn't know the real reason I was doing so. I must have heard I don't know how many tall tales … a few of them bawdy enough that I laughed guiltily at the pictures he was drawing with his words knowing my parents would have thrown a fit … but also managed to glean a few things about life that I'd never thought about. His stories also gave me an appreciation for how tough he must have really had it when he was my age and made me miss my own parents even more. He'd packed a lot of living into his forty years. There was no way to sum up Evans in only a few words though he tried to give the impression that a few words was all he was worth summing up with. His cranky and odiferous exterior covered a heart … well, it wasn't gold exactly but it was far from being cheap pyrite.

He continued to do that same odd occasional stumble but otherwise seemed fine until later in the day when it was obvious that he was tired … more tired than I would have expected him to be after the way I'd seen him behave beforehand.

Neither one of us was in the mood for the crowd of strangers standing in line for soup and bread. I asked him if he minded eating on our own.

"You cook?"

"Sure. Dad said if I was going to hunt I had to learn to eat what I shot; that was cleaning to cooking it myself. We didn't hunt for sport but to put food on the table. Mom didn't get her feelings hurt when we'd take over the kitchen every so often either. It gave her a night off."

I decided to dazzle him with what little bit of talent I had. I made sweet potato fry bread by adding a jar of baby food to my normal fry bread dough. I'd found the jar in my travels and had thought to trade it for grown up food but like mom always said, "You work with what you've got Sugar." Of course she said that when we were hunting for a dress that would actually cover all of my vital parts without making me look like a sack of sand but hey, it's the sentiment that counts.

For our main course I made Black Eyed Peas and rice by using a can of black eyed peas, a can of diced tomatoes (used some of the juice off of that to cook some rice in), and a good portion of dried chopped onion. I could have wished for some meat but we'd had blackbird pie for lunch from a vendor that we'd heard good things about and only had to trade a couple of shotgun shells for two large slices. The pie had been good, and so was the dinner that I fixed us. At least Evans seemed to act like it was.

I'd made more than I should have thinking that Evans would eat more. When Thor came clumping in looking glum as I peace offering I handed him what was left in the bottom of the pot.

"Too good to eat with everyone else?"

Evans who'd been dozing cracked an eye open and asked him, "What's got your gizzard in a knot? The Kid did good, the least you could do is say nothing if you can't admit it."

Thor's mouth tightened and his nostrils flared and then his shoulders just sort of slumped. "Don't mind me. The sooner we get out of this place the better. Every day we hold over they take a percentage of the profit. But at the same time they won't clear the delivery for payment. Worse jumble up I've ever seen and I'm not too sure there aren't some kick backs getting paid for the delay.

I had taken my cooking gear to clean it up and when I got back a good sized snore told me that Evans was asleep. "Kid, do me a favor and come help me with some gear."

I was tired but I figured Thor was the boss however it wasn't really gear he wanted to talk about.

"You need to be careful."

"What I'd do now?" It wasn't exactly a whine but I knew it was close enough that I was embarrassed.

"Nothing. Look … aw #$%." He distracted me by running his large hand through his already bushy mane. "I'm going to try and get us out of here tomorrow at some point. I threatened to take the wheat and sell it someplace else even if I had to do it a bucket at a time along the road."

I shook my head. "What's the rush? Are they taking that big of a chunk out?"

"Yeah but that isn't the main problem. That Parnell guy that we had a run in with, well he ain't really that bad just works for a man that is a real hard case. Seems the guy also has political leanings. You wanna guess what those leanings are?"

"Not particularly but let me guess, he's some kind of socialist or communist?"

"That would have been my first guess too but no. Apparently," he stopped and looked around and then nudged me further into the shadows. "Apparently the guy had a couple of kids that were associated with the Greenies. He's acting like his kids are heroes, like the whole movement will save this country. I heard him talk about "population correction" and a few other of their political correct words for their brand of death and destruction."

I swallowed and tried not to panic. I'd dealt with those people before but not since San Francisco. "They're … they're Greenies … real ones … not just the ones that play at it."

"Play at it?"

"You know, wannabees. They wanna be all that and then some but when it comes right down to actually doing something they're nothing but a bunch of gas bags."

He shook his head at my explanation. "Kid …" He stopped and shook his head again. "You gotta stop making me feel so old. As for what kind of people they are I don't know for sure but I'm telling you it doesn't make any sense to take chances. So long as you are riding with us you I'm responsible at least in part for your safety. Don't make my job harder. Keep your head down and don't start anything."

Now it was my turn to shake my head. "What kind of idiot do you take me for?"

"Revenge Kid … for your parents."

Well, I hadn't thought of that. "Look, my parents weren't … they wouldn't want me to go around killing people. It won't bring them back. I'm not saying that if a grade A golden opportunity presents itself that let's me hurt the organization badly that I might not do more than be tempted but I'm not going to look somebody up I don't even know to beat the snot out of them. That'd just be sinking to their level. But if they get in my face or find out who I am and trying to hurt me I'm not going to just run away either."

"Kid …" he growled warningly.

"Thor don't ask me to do something you wouldn't be willing to do. Don't ask me to be someone that you wouldn't be willing to be. I'm no bully but I'm no coward either. If a fight happens it won't be because I started it. And I'll do my best to take it someplace that it doesn't reflect on you or anyone else. This is my problem, not yours. But I appreciate the heads up."

I turned to go when he grabbed me by my upper arm. I reacted badly. When you are trying to hide who you, what you are, touch is one of those things that activates your defenses. I jerked away and backed up only I backed into the side view mirror of a broken down truck and it hit in the worst place possible. I bent double trying to keep the scream from escaping. Where the bullet had burnt me had slowly gone down to a dull throb as the day had worn on but when I banged it it felt like a red hot poker all over again.

"Kid?"

"I'm … I'm fine. Just fine. Hit it wrong but I'm fine. Going … going to go get some sleep. Think about what you said."

"You really do suck as a liar. Stand still."

There is no way I was going to let him touch me again. Dreams were bad enough, I didn't need memories to fuel them. Not to mention I didn't want him close enough that there might be questions I wasn't ready to answer.

"Kid … stop … now. I've let you … look, do you think I'm a complete idiot?"


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

"Aw stop," Thor muttered. "You look like freaking Bambi with those eyes. How you can be so flaming tough and so … so … soft blast you … at the same time …" As I started to back up he said more loudly that perhaps he intended, " #$% I said stop!"

Those words followed by one of his trademark growls had me backing away even harder. I was completely taken over by my fight-or-flight response and since I wasn't dumb enough to think I could take on Thor, especially not with the pain I was already distracting me, I was ready to make tracks. Had no idea where I was going, no plan, so it was mostly panic that had me swinging around to run.

I got about three steps before I was hit from the side sending me down and back onto my already abused shoulder. I was seeing nasty little spots but I'd done that before playing with a cracked collar bone one year during play offs. I was fighting back and then a real fist caught me in my unprotected ribs and knocked the wind out of me but still I wasn't going to give up. Then there was too many hands for it to be just one person and I vaguely hear Thor roar … I mean really roar and not in the cowardly lion kind of way either.

I managed to finally get my feet back in under me and though I was down the full use of one arm I started giving back as good as I got.

"I … said … stop!" and suddenly the two people that I'd been wrestling with were just gone, sent flying to land in a none too gentle way a couple of yards away.

I was swaying on my feet but I wasn't going back down. Or at least that is what I was telling myself. Unfortunately my knees weren't listening. One of them started to buckle and then Thor got under my arm and propped me up with an arm around my waist.

"Did I ask either of you morons to get involved?" The steel of Thor's voice was like those ginsu knives on late night TV. It sliced and diced everything that got in its path.

"But … but he was running off … you were yelling at him to stop …" I recognized the voice and it hurt worse than the punches had.

"Chuckri I swear to … Take your personal problems someplace else and deal with them. You're acting like a complete #$. The state you are in you are useless to this team and to me. The Kid banged h … his shoulder and didn't want me to look at it. Probably thought I was going to make …"

I tried to pull away but Thor was having none of it. I told him, "I … can … take care … of … myself. I don't … don't need …" I was gagging on the taste of my own blood were I'd gotten a split lip. I spit and was happy to see it wasn't bright red like the time I'd bitten my tongue during practice when I forgot to put my mouth guard in between plays.

"Shut up Kid. I can see you're tough. What do you want? A medal? Even injured you still managed to put Montgomery down and he ain't caught his breath yet." Then he turned to snarl at Chuckri. "Get gone. Go cool off. Don't care where, just get out of my face. The day I can't handle someone like the Kid is the day I retire. And next time I catch you spying on me is the last time you do it … you got that?" The last was said in a deadly calm voice that only an idiot would have misunderstood.

The two men left brushing themselves off realizing that maybe they'd put their foot into something that hadn't been what they thought it was. Chuckri looked like he wanted to say something and then anger replaced whatever it was and he stomped away pushing Montgomery before him.

"Come on," Thor ordered.

"I'm not …"

He stopped and then turned ice cold eyes on me. "Kid. Rocky. Whatever the heck you want to call yourself. I … have … had … enough. Right now I am in the mood for a fight. The knock down drag out kind. And since I can't have it with you I will at least have the satisfaction of getting some answers. So shut up until we get to the office. You will do what I say when I say it or … or … or I'm not going to be answerable for the consequences. Now move."

It was more like being dragged for a few feet but by the time we got to the warehouse that Thor had been using to store the grain temporarily until the group had been hired took possession I was walking under my own steam. I was hurting but not as bad as he probably thought I was. I debated for half a second whether I should play that up and then decided I'd had enough of lying. If it was all going to come to an end at least I was going to be able to hold up my head with some pride.

He nodded to the guards … Alfonso and someone I didn't recognize … and then unlocked the door and pushed me ahead of him. I could tell by their smirks that they thought I was about to get called on the carpet in a big way and maybe even given my pay and told to get out. I thought maybe I was and that wasn't necessarily a bad thing.

"Sit. In that chair. Now," he said in a voice that sounded like a couple of sandy bricks being rubbed against each other. I didn't sit as fast as he wanted me to and looked at me in barely there light from the torches outside an added, "Don't try my patience."

I sat, but not in the chair he'd indicated. I chose the other chair that put me closer to the door. Thor picked up a wind up lantern, turned to see where I'd chosen to sit then carefully sat the lantern on the desk. Before I realized what he'd meant to do he picked up me and the chair – no small feat – and deposited us both in a place close to where he'd meant for me to sit to begin with.

He then picked up the lamp and took a good look at me. After a moment he set the lamp down and walked away a couple of steps like he needed a little space himself.

"Why? Why do this? Why?!" he said turning to look at me.

I was thinking of everything and nothing at the same time and then gave up. "You want the short answer or the long one?"

Almost like he hadn't heard me he said. "I could kill them, feel like it even now. Two men I've known over a decade, walked through the best and worst of times with. Do you see what kind of mess you've created? If I tell them you are a girl they'll …"

"Do you think I want you to tell them?" I asked him. "Because I don't. I haven't put all this work into this ridiculous charade to have someone play hero and rescue me like I'm some helpless kitten, only because of my gender. I've never been helpless since I could walk and swing whatever was handy. What gave me away anyway?" I don't know if I asked him to distract him from his anger or if I was really curious, probably both.

"Is that all you care about? How this affects you?"

I slumped realizing that nothing I could say was going to fix this. I closed my eyes for a second and then said, "Just tell them you'd had enough. That I'd caused problems once too often. Give me time to say good bye to Evans. I'll be a day or so ahead of you all because I promised Trish and Mickey that I'd make sure they got settled. You won't see me I just want to keep my promise and …"

"You hearing a #$% thing I've said?" he snapped.

"Yeah, I've heard you. And I'm taking you at your words. Nothing I can say is going to change reality. Nothing I can say is going to get you to understand. I doubt you can no matter how many words I use. I can tell you I never meant any harm. I doubt you'll believe me. I can tell you that everything I've told you is the truth except for my gender. Again, I doubt you'll believe me. I can say I've been so tired of it all myself that I had thought about telling Evans this morning until I thought he was sick but I doubt you'll believe that either. Nothing I can say will get you to believe me. I never … never meant to get this close to anybody. Never wanted to. Never wanted to feel bad for what I was doing. Never thought what I was doing would turn into what it has. I just wanted to go home. That's all."

The room shrank to the sound of two people breathing. I decided that since there was no chance for me to fix this I could at least leave with some dignity and stood up but when I did it felt like something ripped on the back of my shoulder. There was no stopping the gasp that came out of my mouth.

"That's what you get for moving when I told you to sit," he mumbled at me. He turned, opened a filing cabinet drawer and pulled out this bag that turned out to be an oversized first aid kit. "You probably knocked the scab loose. I need to clean it and put a new bandage on it."

"Stitches."

"I don't think it needs stitches Kid."

"That's what I told the gargoyle but she disagreed."

He got a fairly irritated look on his face and growled, "You got stitches and you didn't tell me? I put you on guard duty!"

"So? I wanted to be paired with Evans anyway. Look, when I leave I'm serious about someone needing to …"

He sighed, "Dang you are hard headed. You are not leaving. But … look, you are going to have to cooperate here. The bandage is going to need to be changed either way and I don't want to have to tie you down to do it. You wouldn't appreciate it and I wouldn't enjoy it probably as much as you think I would."

I kept looking at him wondering what language he was speaking.

He finally shook his head. "The shirt Kid. It's … it's going to have to go."

I did jump up then. "Not likely," I told him as I made a sudden dash for the door.

"He stepped in front of the office door before I got there. "I'm not … look I've never needed to fight to get what I wanted from a female. I'm not likely to start now. Turn away from me … and … and we'll both try and keep our composure."

"No … way."

Finally starting to lose patience again he said, "Kid, it's either this or a trip to Nona's clinic and I don't think either one of us is in the mood for that."

I felt like dying of embarrassment. If I had thought him finding out I was female was bad this was like death warmed over.

He said quietly, "Come on Kid … Rocky … What is your name anyway? Your real name."

"Rochelle. But not even Mom called me that very often. I've always just been Rocky. They started calling me that before I left the hospital when I was born. Nobody expected me to live. I came out not breathing right. I think one of the doctors started it and it … it just sort of stuck. So it is my real name in a way, it's what everyone has always called me," I answered him just as quietly.

"Rochelle." The way he said my name made me feel things that I had no business feeling at that time or any other.

"Don't."

"Why? Don't you like your name?"

"My name never bothered me so long as people weren't saying it to tease me. It's just … I've worked very hard to forget about being Rochelle, even about being a girl named Rocky. I'm supposed to be a young man on his way home. That's all. It's hard enough to do this, keep who I am straight, without blurring the lines."

He sighed, "OK. I can understand the sentiment if not the reasons behind it. But I still need to take care of that wound. One way or the other it needs to be tended to. It's bleeding. Your lip is split. You look like …" He stopped because he'd started getting angry again which had me wondering if I could beat him to the door a second time.

"It's dark. I'm not going to see anything. You can tell me your story, distract us both."

"If you aren't going to be able to see anything why should I let you …"

"Rocky, I'm not going to take advantage of you. If I was that kind of man I could have done it before now but I haven't. I haven't even told anyone what my suspicions are … were." When I still hadn't moved he said, "You said you trusted me."

"Trusting you not to get me killed is some different from what you are asking me to trust you about now."

He sighed, "You can you know. Trust me. You're just a kid. I wouldn't do that to a kid."

"Do you take me for a fool? You aren't old, that old, or anything approaching either. You act like thirty years old makes you Noah's grandpa. There was ten years between both sets of my grandparents. My parents had five. To my great grandfather who was twenty five years older than his third wife you wouldn't be anything but a wet behind the ears pup. So leave off with that kind of stuff, I'm not stupid enough to believe it. My aunt told me men will say most anything if it nets them what they want."

A short bark of laughter was followed by, "Aunt didn't care for men too much I take it."

"She had reason. A few too many made up to her for the wrong reasons … my grandfather had a pretty good piece of land that a lot of men wanted … but she was like me. You know … kinda big … at least until they found out what the problem was and took care of it. In the end either they outed themselves for being greedy for the land or they got caught cheating with some skinny and dainty little thang."

"Well I don't like skinny little thangs. They have a bad habit of breaking every time I play with them."

That startled me so much I made the mistake of turning my head to try and look at where he'd stepped behind me and the hot poker raced across my shoulder again.

"C'mon Kid. Here … I'll set my pistol here. I'd give it to you to hold but this is going to hurt and I don't want to get shot for something I can't help." He cajoled once more, "C'mon, the longer you leave this the worse it is going to get. And your shirt is starting to dry and stick to it."

I knew I needed help. I briefly thought of Trish but knew I couldn't put her in the middle of this, she was just ten years old. Then I thought of Evans yet knew I didn't want to hurt Thor any more than I wanted anyone else to know who and what I was. "I swear, you try anything and it won't be that gun you need to worry about. I'll staple your tenderbits to the nearest tree. You got that?"

A snort was followed by, "Yeah. Loud and clear."

"Turn your head."

"I can't …"

"Turn … your … head."

I heard him mumble some rather uncomplimentary words about the level of my intelligence but I didn't care. I needed his help but I was going to keep some healthy boundaries. I wound up having to pull the shirt off myself where it had dried and brought myself close to tears doing it. I collapsed back into the chair but held the shirt to my front to preserve what modesty I could. "You can turn around."

He was right, it hurt. Nearly as bad as when the gargoyle had dug at it the first time and the skin around it was even sorer than it had been then. I was breathing heavy through my nose trying to fight the urge to rock.

"Hey Kid," he said as he cleaned my shoulder. "You ready to tell me the truth?"

"I told you, it's all been the truth, except I'm a female."

"Prove it."

I was trying to concentrate. "What?"

"Prove it. Explain it to me. Why the get up? Why not just be honest in the first place?"

I barked a bit of my own laughter. "You've obviously never been a girl."

"Obviously not," he agreed.

"Like I told Jonathon when we first tried to escape what was going on. I'm big. I'm tough. I can be mean when necessary. I'm even trained. But if enough people pile on I'm going down. And if I go down there are enough people in this world that will enjoy putting me in my place … male type people …" I shuddered remembering my fear that day on the highway when he almost stopped. "I'm not stupid Thor. I know there are men out there that … that wouldn't care that I was big and ugly … all they would care about was getting what they wanted. And some of them would do it just to make themselves feel more powerful than me because I threatened their manliness in some way."

I could hear the thoughtfulness in his voice. "Your aunt isn't the only one with a bad attitude about men."

Not wanting him to think I was a man hater I told him, "My aunt isn't the only one that has had to put up with certain kinds of cretins in this world. But unlike my aunt was I can say not all of you are the front part of a backwards walking donkey. I had lots of guy friends … just never any boyfriends … for the obvious reasons."

"Obvious reasons?"

"Thor …"

"I'm asking, you're explaining, remember?"

"Well, let's see … oh yeah. I'm as dainty as a princess and a real lightweight. And who can forget my scientifically verifiable background. Every young man's parents were just dying for him to bring someone home with my pedigree. Oh, I'm strong as an ox with a great talent for opening stuck doors and drawers and jars, bigger than most guys in my class, and was used to scare little kids that if they weren't good the same thing was going to happen to them that had made me like I am. Want me to keep going? I haven't even gotten to the fact that there was more than one group that believed the GWBs were an abomination that never should have been born and were threatening to rectify the situation."

"Geez."

"Beginning to see the light?"

He shook his head, "No, just feeling like there were more idiots in the world than even I suspected."

That shut me up but Thor wasn't through. "Keep talking Kid. You've torn three stitches and it won't stop bleeding unless I put them back in."

My stomach rolled at the idea but I could feel the drips that kept running down my back, leaving a sticky residue even after he wiped it away. "We escaped, just like I told you. Then first Jonathon and then Nana … they just died. And I was alone. I had to decide what to do."

"Jonathon was … your friend?"

"Best friend though …" I sighed and didn't quite understand why I told him the next part. "For several months he'd wanted it to be something more but I just … I didn't know if I was ready for what he wanted but I didn't want to lose my best friend over it. That point is moot. He's gone," I said in a voice that was as dead as Jonathon was.

It wasn't the poke of the needle that nauseated me so much as feeling of the string or whatever it was he was using being pulled through my skin. I started talking again just to have something else to focus on. "I'd seen your group earlier. I thought it would be easier for a young man to find a place than it would be for a helpless female. You in particular worried me."

"I did huh?"

"At first. But when I figured out that just because you could bite someone's head off didn't mean you necessarily would without good reason. I decided to just do what I could to stay out of your way. Then they stuck me with you and the other men. And … I started having fun."

A strangled and surprised laugh and then he said, "You what?"

He was finally finished with the tugging and pulling and I could stop trying to hide my heaving. "Started having fun. It was … well it was like being on the team again. I'd had to leave the team because they used some bogus excuse about insurance to keep me off my last year in school. It wasn't worth fighting about when I saw most of the other guys seemed too worried about their own futures to care about mine any at all. But being with you guys, even if we were just throwing those cars around, it was like having that back. We were a team … or so I thought."

He moved the lantern and was looking a little more closely than I cared for. "That's enough turn your back again," I told him.

"You'll pull those stitches again."

"Well I'm not going topless for everyone to see."

"No one is going to see. You've got yourself wrapped up so tight I can't believe you can even breathe which answers one of my questions anyway. I'm not going to see anything. Just let me help."

I suddenly started distrusting him on a different level and he must have seen it in my eyes. "I told you you can trust me."

"I gave you my trust but that was never good enough to get yours in return. I'll take care of … arrr." I'd tried to put the shirt on that arm myself and it hadn't felt too good.

"See?"

"I swear it Thor if …"

"I make the wrong move I get stapled to a tree. Got it. Now hold still."

The shirt was on and I was embarrassed that he had to button a couple of the more important buttons.

"Fine, you looked at …"

"Sit." When I didn't he looked me straight in the eye and said again, "Sit. I'm not done getting my answers."

"What else is it you want? You know everything from that point forward. I made the mistake of thinking I had become a contributing member to the team, that I was accepted. When I found out I was wrong I left. I was doing fine on my own until I ran into those kids."

"During a tornado."

"Yeah. Trish knows by the way. She's smarter than all you grown men put together."

I'd insulted him. "Hey, I knew from the beginning … mostly … sort of. I had my suspicions anyway."

"How did you know? What gave me away? And why didn't you out me then? Does everyone know?"

He was silent for nearly a minute. "That first day. You were … er … soft where men normally weren't. But then I thought it was just baby fat. Then things started adding up. No adams apple. Your hands. Your eyes. The way you're your jeans … er … fit."

Extremely embarrassed I muttered, "Oh."

"But still I wasn't sure. The way you threw those cars around and the way you talked kept me guessing. I was almost convinced and then that guy Joe messed it all up again. Calling you Rocky like it was your real name. Saying that you two had played football together. Treating you like you were a real guy. Then you ran off and I tried to forget it all but it wouldn't stop bugging me. Evans grumbling and pestering the #$% out of me didn't help either. He acted like I'd stolen his favorite chew toy."

"Joe didn't like lying, he only did it because I asked him and because he thought it was a bit of a joke. He wanted me to stay with his family but I couldn't. His mom … she was a nice lady but … in built prejudices you know? About me being a GWB. She hasn't been the first and she won't be the last. She tried for Joe's sake but she was relieved when I told her I couldn't stay."

He was silent for a time then asked me, "You really played football and all those things that Joe said."

"Yeah. But it was a lifetime ago. It doesn't matter like I thought it would, not after everything that has happened. Every time I think I've found something that matters I find out that it isn't what I thought it was. I'm over it all. I'm keeping my promise to Trish and Mickey then I'm going to go home … or try to."

"What if you don't have a home when you get there?"

"I've considered it. It's possible, anything is possible. But our farm backed up to the national forest and even people that had been there before had a hard time finding it the second and third time around. It's way off the beaten track. The town is less than a thousand people except when the TransAmerican Bike Trail has some event going on and during the summer when all the trails that converge in the area are busy."

"And that's off the Blue Ridge Parkway."

"Sorta. It's closer to the AT but that doesn't matter. Our farm sits way off back in the middle of nowhere and has been in the family since way before the War Between the States. We've still got virgin forest on one corner."

"You don't say. Anything else?"

I looked at him and said, "Nothing you're likely to find interesting."

After a minute he asked, "Hoping anyone in particular is still there?"

"Don't want anyone to be … be dead but after seeing what I've seen I don't have high hopes that I'll get my wish. My grandparents are all gone already. About the only one besides my parents that were left was my aunt and some of my cousins who are all a good deal older than me and who wouldn't know how to run a farm if they tried. They all hated the place, called it old fashioned and backwards and none of them had been back to the farm since I was real little, not even to visit my grandmother while she was still alive. I think they hated her cabin most of all. My mom and dad ran the family co-op and kept everyone in fresh fruits and veggies, cheese and dairy too for those that wanted it but most of them were too scared because of all of the government warnings and idiot stuff like that. My dad grew some tobacco but mostly as a novelty and for trading with some of the other old timers that lived in the woods even deeper than we do."

"Sounds like a good life."

"It would have been a perfect life for my parents if I hadn't been like I am. It meant they had to deal with the outside world a lot more than they wanted to."

"So you really are a GWB?"

I looked at him like he'd been dropped on his head as a baby one too many times. "Your memory is just about as long as a frog's whiskers."

"Just trying to get my facts straight."

"Well try harder. I don't know why you should care to know in the first place. This doesn't mean anything to you anyway."

He looked at me and said, "I'm curious by nature."

"Doesn't sound like a healthy trait to have in your line of work."

A slow grin made me butterflies where they had no business being. "What do you know about my line of work."

"Evans explained it to me. You worked for one of those contractors that went all over the world doing things that other people didn't necessarily want to. Sometimes you got paid well for it and sometimes you didn't. Mostly you did it because somebody needed to."

The smile was gone. "Evans talks too much."

"No. Don't blame him. I'm just good at putting two and two together … most of the time. He's just lonely. You all treat him like … like the drunk he used to be. He's not that person anymore but he understands that it is going to take time to prove he isn't. Only the world fell apart and it took all he had to not give into the temptation to fall apart with it. Talking to me makes it easier for him to not listen to the voices of the past in his head. I was hoping you all had seen that but the rest of you all seem to be wrapped up in your own problems and worries."

"Evans talks too much and you see too much."

I shrugged but remembered to do it with only one shoulder. "If you're through with the grilling I think it is better if I get out of here."

"I'm not through."

I sighed and did roll my eyes that time. "What else? What else could you possibly want to know?"

"If you understand that this changes things."

"No it doesn't. I'm still the same person I was before."

"But I was only suspicious before."

"Just because you've had your … your suspicions or whatever … confirmed doesn't mean anything. Your suspicions didn't stop me from being able to do a job even if I wasn't part of your team."

"You've put me in a bad position."

"And I offered to leave but you don't want me doing that either. I won't stay just to make you feel better."

He snorted in sour humor. "No, you've already proven that haven't you." He shook his head, probably fighting the desire to get into another battle of words with me. "How do you think the men are going to take it if they find out you're female?"

"You've got to be kidding me. And tell me why I should even care after they made sure I felt just how not a team member I was?"

"Stung did it?" he said like he was glad.

"Hey, I would have understood if you all hadn't been so welcoming in the beginning. I kept wondering what in the heck I had done. It's not like I expected much, just a chance to keep doing a job, a chance not to be alone. But you guys turned out to be just like everyone else. I didn't see that telling you all anything would make a difference."

"We had our reasons."

"And I don't need to know what they are any more than you need to know what my reasons are."

"Smart aleck."

"You aren't the first to call me that."

He shook his head. "You sure are calm for someone that was near hysterics not that long ago."

"I wasn't hysterical. I just have my boundaries."

"Is that what you call it?"

I was fighting to keep the smile from my face. "Now who's the smart aleck?"

"Rochelle …"

"Rocky … just Rocky."

Very deliberately he said, "Ro-chelle if I tell the men who you are they are going to be sick about it. They are going to doubt themselves. How do you think Chuckri is going to feel? They were hitting a woman. Despite what you might think of us that's not our MO. We have boundaries and standards too."

I looked at him and said, "At this moment I don't care how any of them feel, Chuckri included. I understand he had it rough. Welcome to my world. But I didn't use my GWB as a free pass to beat up on people because I was born like I was. Chuckri is being a jerk. That's the hard part, realizing he is a jerk about this one thing but knowing that he is probably the best option Trish and Mickey have for a real family that can take care of them. He really cares about them. I just want to make sure he keeps on caring about them if his biological kids come into the picture as well."

Thor scratched his chin, perplexed. "There's an old woman hiding in your head isn't there."

"No. I'm just me Thor. That's all."

He was quiet for long enough that I started to think of escape again. It must have shown on my face. "And don't think I don't see those thoughts running around in your head. Say I agree to keep your secret, in essence continue your lie, you think I want it all for nothing?"

Ah here it comes, I thought. The blackmail or the price.

Instead I got a surprise. "Those Green Freaks … what I'm about to tell you …" He stopped, like he wasn't sure how to continue. "Rochelle …"

"I told you to call me Rocky."

"Listen Brat, I'll call you anything I please and at the moment I'm finding more than a little satisfaction in irritating you by calling you by your proper name."

I rolled my eyes again but figured he'd earned his chance to dig a little … a little.

"Several persons … let's just say high up the food chain … considered the groups working under the umbrella name of Green Warriors to be worth keeping tabs on. They had been connected with some home grown terrorist activities and hate crimes. Yeah, get the look off of your face, I knew more about the GWBs than I was letting on but nothing about any of you specifically; that wasn't part of our job. We infiltrated a couple of the cells and dismantled plans that were never made public. About five years ago a pattern was noticed. Unfortunately we couldn't determine whether the Greenies were being used or were the users. I still can't say for sure if their activities were separate from the Twelvers or whether they were being manipulated or infiltrated by the Twelvers. It may have been a case …"

"Don't."

I got a look that said that it wasn't polite to interrupt my elders. "Thor, just don't. You've warned me off. I don't need any more trouble than what I already have." Then a horrible thought occurred to me. "Are you saying that Chuckri, if he knew, would …"

"No." Then he sighed. "I'd like to say with one hundred percent certainty … but we both know I can't. I trust Chuckri with my life and have several times. I know he has no love of the Greenies as his ex-wife was one of those weird post modern hippy types that the Greenies tended to cultivate. But in their anger and hurt the men could let something slip to someone that might carry the information to people you don't want having the fact of what you are."

"I'm not a what Thor, I'm a who."

"What … Who … Whatever. I've got firsthand knowledge that those people are dangerous. You were born out of one of their failed attempts to bring about their version of the future and your parents were murdered from another attempt … and one that appears to be working. I'm not going to let you simply run off into the night … the day … or anything in between … with no protection. This is what I do Kid. If you leave me no choice I'll hunt these green freaks up I've learned about and I will take them out whether they are the real deal or not. I'll say if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, then it is a duck. I'll perform as judge, jury, and executioner."

To say I was shock at the sudden change in direction of the conversation came nowhere near reality. "Are … are you telling me that if I don't stay … that if I go off on my own … for my protection you will simply go … go assassinate complete strangers?"

"That is part of what I did Kid. That is part of what we all did. And we were very good at our job. We are the shepherds to the sheep."

The size of his ego was breathtaking. "And you acted like I had a superman complex."

"Kid this is no joke. If I'm lying I'm dying. If you run off I will hunt those punks that are claiming to be green freaks and remove them permanently. I will not … cannot … simply stand by and let you go knowing the kind of threat you are under."

I shook my head. "No one knows but you."

"Anyone that has ever known you … the real you … knows. Until I'm sure that you are going to be safe you are officially my job."

"Job?! I didn't hire you. I don't need a blasted bodyguard much less a nightmare sized babysitter!"

"Too bad. You've got the biggest, baddest babysitter I know … me. You will stay in disguise. You will mind all that I say. When we get Chuckri home and settled we will make plans from there."

I must have looked like a big mouth bass gasping for air. "Are … you … out … of … your … mind?! No way have I come this far, suffered this much, to suddenly be saddled with an oversized, smelly, obnoxiously bossy Viking for a caretaker! I'll go where I want, when I want, and do as I please without your permission. Just because your ego is bruised that I managed to survive without you …"

He barked a contemptuous laugh. "Yeah, you looked real good when you pulled in with those two kids. You were so tired you couldn't put one foot in front of the other."

"Maybe so, but I still would have figured something out. I had thought finding you guys was providential but maybe it was the devil throwing you in my face again. Every time I turned around something would remind me of …" I shut my mouth and tried to think fast on how to turn what I was about to say into something else but the look on Thor's face stopped me.

It was closed off yet just about as unguarded as I'd ever seen him. "I … I missed you too Kid. You do make life … interesting."

"No. No, you weren't even for sure I was a guy or not. You called me a liar often enough. You …"

"I," he said emphasizing the pronouns. "found you to be a puzzle. As a general rule I don't like the kind of puzzle I thought you represented. I knew something was off. Once I was convinced you were female I wasn't sure … er … what … er …"

Losing patience with inability to finish his sentence I snapped, "What? Did you swallow a frog? Stop croaking and spit it out already."

Suddenly he was seized by real laughter. "What?" I asked trying to figure the joke.

"Kid, I swear you would try the patience of the Saints. I could never quite figure out what you were. Were you a girl or a guy? Were you a girl who wanted to be a guy or a guy who had secret leanings toward being a girl? Which way did you swing no matter what your gender was? Then I found out about your GWB status so I wondered if maybe you were both or maybe neither. I'd get myself convinced of one thing only to have you do something that would completely throw off my whole hypothesis. You were an enigma and a dang frustrating one."

I didn't find his wonderings quite as humorous as he did. "Yeah, I've heard it all before. For your records I'm female … all female … brains to brassiere and beyond. I 'swing' the way God built me to except that no one seemed to swing in my direction due to the way God let me be tampered with along the way. Only Jonathon and … and I think that was mostly because … because he was lonely and I was safe and had never judged him. And because we were both GWBs and understood what that meant. Now if I've satisfied your curiosity, I'm tired. I assume if I'm supposed to continue as is that I'll still be allowed to be useful and work with Evans?"

"Hey Kid, I didn't mean …"

I sighed knowing I couldn't stay angry at him simply because he was what he was and I was what I was. "Forget it. Most people never mean anything truly hateful by the things they say, they're just thoughtless. Lucky for me only a few seem to be bent on my complete destruction. I had planned on keeping my promise to Trish and Mickey anyway so I'll stay until then but forget about any guarantees to let you turn my life upside down after that. I've got plans. They may not be great plans but they are my plans. Got it?"

I got a look that told me I was beginning to push my luck again but I didn't care. I knew Thor's type. It was either stand up for myself now or he'd run all over me doing what he thought was best for me.

"Rochelle …"

"For the last time, call me Rocky. Everyone does."

"Well I'm not everyone. Listen to me, I will not let you go off on your own. Not now that I have the facts … and if there is anything else to spill you better do it quick. In the end I may not even care about the men's feelings enough to keep them in the dark if you run off. And if you run off I will kill those idiots down at the lake. I do not like leaving things up to chance. I will not allow them to make you a target. You stay with me and no one gets hurt. The choice is yours to make."

Irritated and highly offended at the non-choice he was offering me I told him, "Let's see, leave to take the danger away from everyone here thereby turning you into a cold blooded murderer or stay and bring the potential danger to the group and perhaps turn myself into a murderer. Gee whiz, that's a win-win if ever I heard one."

"Thought you'd like it," the big oaf deadpanned.

"Why you should care …," I snarled.

"Beats me why I do but there it is … I do. You managed to get under my skin."

"Then go take some Benadryl," I told him.

Suddenly he started laughing quietly again. "Oh Kid. This is what I'm talking about." After a moment of watching me like a spider does a fly he said, "I'll walk you back to camp and …"

"See, you're doing it already. People are going to talk. And might I remind you everyone else apparently really does think I'm a guy. What do you think people are going to say?"

"Heck if I know. Heck if I care. If someone is rude enough to ask I'll tell them I've made you my special project; that it is my goal to train you up right and do something about that mouth of yours and to make you pay for being a pain in my backside one too many times as a bit of vengeance."

Shaking my head I asked, "And you think they'll believe it."

"No, but it'll keep them guessing long enough that I'll figure something else out. I told you Kid, our team is good … and I'm the best."

Outraged I asked, "How do you even stand upright with that big fat head?"

A wicked smile was my only answer.

Suddenly I was tired. No, beyond plain tired. I was painfully exhausted. "Thor. I'm tired of hurting. Tired of other people getting hurt. Just let me go and everyone of you can go back to normal life … or whatever passes for normal these days."

"No."

"I don't understand why not."

"Rochelle …"

"I …"

"Don't. I won't forget to call you Rocky or Kid out there. But when it is just the two of us I'm going to remind you of who you are every chance I get. I want you to remember so you won't take unnecessary chances. I don't want you brawling or anything like that."

"I've never started one in my life but I'm not a coward that runs away either."

"For God's Sake, you're a girl."

"Yeah, and your point is?"

"Girls don't …"

I laughed at him. "Girls don't what? Defend themselves? Protect others … even if that means putting themselves in danger to do it? Have the right to be self-sufficient?"

I was frustrating him again. I stood up and looked him in the eye though he was nearly a head taller than me. "Look at me Thor. I am what I am. Part of it I didn't have any choice to start with … but now I do, and I choose not to be the victim if I can help it. Nor will I stand by and let someone else be the victim. I'm not fragile. I don't have the first clue how to be fragile. I'm me in all of the big, ugly truth of it. You wanted to know, well now you do. But your knowing and expecting me to suddenly conform to your idea of what a female is are two different things. I accept the first because I have no choice but the second is completely out of line."

He looked at me and then said, "Fragile is over rated."

I stepped back because his words were so unexpected. "And there isn't anything wrong with being tall. I promise you, it is distracting as heck to get a crick in your neck because you have to bend over so far to kiss someone."

"Who … who's talking about kissing," I said as he took a step towards me.

"And I'm not fond of the skinny toothpick type. They're crunchy and break too easy," he added as he took yet another step towards me. "I might ask you to give longer hair a try, I do like that, but there isn't anything wrong with the rest of the package."

"You're … you're insane," I forced out through dry lips. "You threaten me with one word and then try and … and distract me with then next."

"That's seduce, not distract. Just doing my best to remind you Rochelle."

"That's Rocky and you can't remind someone of something they've never dealt with before so back off buddy before I change my mind about the stapling."

Surprisingly he did step back. "I thought you were exaggerating or kidding about that."

I muttered thoroughly disgusted. "Guys. They only hear what they want to hear."

Thor opened his mouth to retort when we heard the warehouse door getting banged on. "Thor! We got problems!"


	21. Chapter 21

_**Chapter 21**_

"What now?!" Thor and I growled in unison.

Thor ran to the door and I followed more slowly, unwilling to jog my still throbbing shoulder until I knew what the fuss was about. Unfortunately for me, fast or slow, Thor had other ideas.

"Stay here," he snarled.

"Don't start that again," I snarled right back.

"Kid, you're in no shape and I'm in no mood," he said before wrenching the door open to reveal Evans and another man I didn't recognize but whose eyes looked as big as saucers and who was holding his rifle a little too tight for good sense.

"Hey Kid. Listen up, bad business coming so let Thor do his job." Turning to Thor he said, "A road patrol came in saying the pirates have been agitating anyone they can get to listen and now we got a mob of those highway refugees heading this way. Sounds like they plan on raiding the warehouse district and stripping the fields."

"Get our people mounted up. We'll take what grain we can and get gone."

"Cain't. The militia has us boxed in. We move we might accidentally get take for a baddie and then our goods might get confiscated. You know as well as I do there's some around here that their feelings wouldn't exactly be hurt by that and you know who I'm talking about."

Still thinking of the refugees I muttered, 'Stupid strategy. They'll get steamrolled."

Evans said, "Good eye Kid. Except we don't know how big or desperate the crowd is going to be. The patrol came in in a panic which says more than it don't. Them guys ain't cowards. Sheer numbers could overwhelm our defenses. Strength in numbers may be all they need and after they break our line it will be everyone for themselves. Hungry people do crazy things."

What he said made sense but it still didn't feel right.

"But why would the pirates agitate them now? What do they gain from it? The locals will only blame them and make their life even harder," I said.

Thor turned from bellowing orders to overhear my questions then he glanced at Evans. Evans shrugged, two adults silently communicating over the head of someone they thought was still a kid. It made me want to hit both of them.

Just then I saw Delia with Trish, Mickey, and several other kids. I threw over my shoulder as I moved forward, taking the safety off my rifle, "Fine. Keep your secrets. I've got a few of my own. Delia!"

She hesitated a moment then hustled her ducklings in my direction. I asked her, "Am I right to think this is the most secure building around here?"

I could feel Thor's eye on me while his mouth gave orders to the other runners who had come up. Delia finally answered, "Yeah, it's why it was chosen to store the grain in." She had a slight accent I could identify that gave her voice a softness mine had never had.

"That's what I thought. Take the kids inside. We'll use bags of wheat to build a temporary bunker. Anything that manages to get through the steel walls will hopefully be stopped by all those sacks."

Delia started to say, "Thor hasn't …"

"Thor's busy with organizing the crew, he can't keep up with a bunch of kids too. And I don't see anyone else around so it's up to us." As she continued to just stare at me I told her, "Move or don't but I'm not leaving these kids standing in the middle of a potential war zone."

I picked up two of the smallest, one of whom was a highly upset Mickey, and she finally seemed to come to the decision to do as I suggested. Then several more women came up with more young ones. A few of the women and teenagers were armed, most were not.

As I passed Thor and Evans they both glanced my way and told me with a nod to continue on with what I was doing. Evans went even further by reaching out and grabbing my arm. Quietly he told me, "Do what you can. Keep them out from under foot. We may send any wounded this direction too. Telling them Thor has other priorities is right. You'll need to keep the door clear and don't let 'em build any fires; grain is combustible."

Corralling a bunch of scared kids was easier said than done but it was finally made easier once Delia snapped back to herself. Listening to her way of ordering people around was educational but not near as fun as watching Thor do it. Delia was more of an encourager, trying to work with people's personalities; she didn't bellow, she mothered.

Rather than getting her her way and distract the momentum she was building I told her quietly, "I'm going to be on the roof."

"Body shots," she told me gruffly.

"What?"

"When you shoot, don't get fancy and go for a head shot. You'll miss too often. Body is a bigger target and disabling works just as well as death in these circumstances."

I nodded and then went to the caged ladder that ran up the inside of the wall and led to the catwalk beside the ventilation windows. It hurt going up but not as bad as I knew it was going to coming down. I just hoped I didn't pull those stitches out again.

Once I got up there I was reminded of being up in the tobacco barn at home, hanging the sticks of leaves to cure or taking them down to process for grading and bartering. Heights didn't bother me at all and neither did the odd sounds and smells of being that close to the roof. The birds and their associated mess didn't make me happy but I'd made them even less so by disturbing their slumber. I used a utilitool from my pocket to pry out one of the jalousie windows. From there I played monkey and got up on the roof.

If it hadn't been so serious I might have laughed, it was just that bizarre. I was reminded of the old monster movies where the villagers stormed the castle with torches and pitchforks. There were torches this time too only instead of pitchforks the moonlight glinted off of bottles, clubs, rocks, and I was afraid to wonder what else. Something still didn't make good sense. How did these people expect to go up against guns? Hadn't they learned yet that the world had turned and that guns weren't just props on a television show?

Then something caught the corner of my eye. Two warehouses over several people I identified as militiamen were backing an old armored truck into a bay and then pulled down the roll down door before taking up positions in and around the location. A couple of thoughts fell into place with a dull chunk. The look between Thor and Evans. The fact I hadn't seen any bartering going on like in other places I'd been. The municipal "dollars" I'd seen being used to pay for the things at the clinic and that the only other thing they'd accept was silver or gold in whatever form you had it. Last but not least was that someone had enough precious metal to pay every man employed by the caravan in coinage as well as grain. As hungry as people were they could have found some who would have done it just so that they could feed their own families.

Creeping in behind that was the memory of the pirates being the agitating force behind the refugees but another glance told me they weren't part of the crowd that had gotten closer despite the warnings being blasted by some kind of PA system.

Diversion or misdirection, like a Reverse Play in football, that makes your opponent look in one direction when the ball is already going in another. Reverse plays and End Around Plays didn't always work and if that is what the pirates were doing that didn't mean it would work this time either. But if the fake didn't succeed at least a large portion of the fore they were going against would be tied up in a fight with the refugees while they played fox in the hen house.

Suddenly the battle was on. The refugees picked up speed and began to swarm. After the first few waves fell it was like trying to hold back the tide. The defensive line broke here and there allowing large groups through who then started making a run for the closest buildings looking for anything they could carry off. Our guys were getting swamped.

The time for watching was over. I was already sprawled across the still warm metal roof so all I had to do was start carefully picking my targets so that they caused as much confusion to any organized group of refugees that I could. Ours wasn't the only caravan of goods as Topeka was a major trade and transportation hub. First one warehouse fell and then another one.

Then off to one side a large explosion lit up the sky adding to the chaos. But for me it wasn't the response to the explosion that drew my attention but something I suspected was coming from a different direction. Sure enough I saw the first one slinking between the shadows heading towards the warehouse with the armored truck in it. The militiamen were all looking in the other direction. Well I wasn't.

My first shot took out the slinker and alerted the militia they had trouble coming in behind them. I continued to pick off people as I could, where I could. The next explosion when it came had me sliding uncomfortably close to the edge of the roof. The only thing that caught me was some wire strung up there to keep the birds from roosting. I could hear the screaming inside the warehouse … all those kids.

My worst fears had not come true but it was a close thing. The warehouse next door to ours had taken a hard hit by something. Then I saw what the something was. There was some lunatic a couple of roofs over with an honest to goodness rocket launcher. He didn't live to launch another since he didn't survive the swan dive I caused him to have due to a well-placed head shot … the one that Delia had recommended against despite the fact I frequently took care of squirrels that way … but that wasn't the point. I started looking not only on the ground but at the other buildings around me and it was a doggone good thing I did.

Note to self, always expect to run out of ammo at the absolute worst time. Although if you get right down to it there isn't ever a good time to run out of ammo.

Two men were running towards our warehouse carrying something between them. I didn't know what it was at the time and I wasn't going to wait to find out. I was back in and then down the ladder as quick as I could though landing jarred my shoulder enough for me to want to gag for a second.

"Delia, I need a rifle …"

"We're all out of ammo."

I said a very unlady like word and then passed my useless rifle to her and pulled out my bowie. "Keep everyone down. Something's up. I'm going to try and stop it but you may … you may be on your own from here on out."

"Rocky …!"

"I gotta go …"

"You're OK. Give Charles a chance to … to get passed this. He's trying."

"Sure," I told her just to pacify her and get going. If I hadn't she seemed to be the type of person that would delay me because she absolutely had to get me to understand she'd changed her mind about me or some sort of rubbish like that. I didn't necessarily care what people thought of me anymore. I'd learned early and the hard way that it just did pay to worry about it though I admit I still fall into the bad habit of it with some folks.

By the time I did my own slinking to find where those men had gone they'd managed to set up at the darkest outside corner of our warehouse. I got close as I could trying to figure out what they were up to.

"In Gaia's name will you hurry up! This is the last one we have and we can't get caught here."

"Don't get your panties in a knot bro. We'll blow the grain and by this time next year the Great Starving will be history and the Earth will be able to begin to heal herself righteously."

My blood went cold. These people killed my parents. After the fog of hatred cleared a bit I could admit maybe not these two specifically but their group. For the first time I was faced with the opportunity to exact some revenge for all of the deaths these people had caused.

"Hurry up!"

"I can't hurry up. I'm having to do this old-style and this stuff isn't very stable. One wrong move and we both go before Gaia before we've earned enough credits to satisfy her."

Great, just freaking great. No time for strategy or finesse. It was going to have to be brute force. I got into position and as the two of them stood up to move away trailing something that was still connected to the box they had put at the foot of the wall I determined it was now or never.

Freight Train Charbonneau had absolutely no problem taking out two wimpy emo dudes. I was actually afraid for a second I had killed them … until they started whining and complaining at each other. The idiots actually thought their little science experiment had gone off too soon and were cussing each other for making some kind of mistake. They still didn't realize I was standing behind them and I didn't feel like an introduction was a proper thing to do under the circumstances. So instead I gave them a well placed kick in the head to put them back out.

I was jittery with the desire to do something to them now that they were under my power. I hog tied them and then pulled their t-shirts up over their heads and used duct tape to hold them there so they couldn't see what was going on around them if they did come to before I was ready for them to. I nearly laughed when I saw what was tattooed right below their belly button. "I belong to Gaia."

I was thinking about what little Thor had told me and that there is no way idiots like this started the end of the world all on their own when a voice like molasses aske,"You going to give them a wedgie too?"

I spun and was face-to-face when what had to be a road pirate. How did I know? The stupid get up gave him away. On the other hand while he may have looked like an extra from a Disney sound stage, the dark light in his eyes and the sadistic pleasure he was taking in what I had done to those boys told me the comic attire was camouflage and that I was actually looking at a very dangerous man. "Hadn't thought of that. Wanna help?"

He smiled a Cheshire Cat grin and said, "Some other time."

The knife was simply there and coming at me giving me only seconds to react. Good thing my legs go to my armpits because I was able step out of his attack and make him over extend in his follow through. I came up and under his defenses and the bowie did the same job to the pirate that it had done to the coyote. But where the coyote had just been a dangerous animal this had been a human at some point in its life and I had just taken that life up close and personal. Immediately the bile rose in my stomach and I was puking my guts up before I could even think half a thought to stop.

I preferred the roof, you didn't get to see their eyes that way, or hear moan as the life left their body. Speaking of moaning I nearly started up myself I'd pulled the stitches but at least it didn't feel as if I had pulled them out.

I was looking down into the box wondering what I should do, listening to the two emo boys scream and carry on, when another voice had me spinning around.

"Easy," he said while putting his finger to his lips and then pointing at my prisoners.

I nodded at Chuckri cautiously and then pointed down at the box and then a toss of my head indicated who it belonged to. When he came over and then looked down inside it his face got pale enough that it looked like soured milk. He quickly detached the strings I had seen which actually turned out to be a set of wires. He also took out a bag of some kind of powdery stuff before relaxing somewhat.

He reached over and whispered close enough that I could understand him to say, "Drag them to that shed and block them in with something. Things are dying down but we've still got mop up so don't drop your guard. I'll tell Thor about the wonder boys there."

I nodded and turned to do what he'd told me when he grabbed my arm. I turned sharply but the look on his face stopped me from saying what was on my mind. He whispered again, "Evans is down. It only looked like a little tap in a fight but … something isn't right. He's spacey. Richards is with him in here." He indicated the warehouse. "Just thought … you …" he stopped, shrugging.

I turned and grabbed them both by a foot turning them so that they were on their stomach and then drug them across the gravel and into the windowless shed. The shed's door slid rather than swung so after closing it I had to jam something into the track to keep them from being able to open it. I turned to find that Chuckri had removed the box and then I went back into the warehouse to find Richards.

I found chaos. Kids were screaming and crying and there plenty of adults doing it too. The medical staff was trying to separate hysterical people constantly trying to get their attention from patients who really needed their attention.

I blew a whistle that, because of the echo in the warehouse, nearly made my own ears bleed.

"Shut up! Someone, get those kids and put them someplace. Get the older ones to help with the younger ones. I hear one more cry, scream or shout and you aren't going to like the consequences!" My voice was naturally loud but I was adding a dash of Thor and a good dose of Coach to get my point across. "Now listen up, this is not helping. You interfere with the medics anymore and people are going to die, you are making it too hard for them to do their jobs." Looking at the limited number of people helping Richards and the too many bodies littering the floor I asked, "Anyone here with first aid training? I don't care if you are a kid. Boy Scout? Cub Scout? Girl Scout? Venturer?"

A voice answered, "4H, I know how to give first aid to animals." A big, bushy headed boy stood up.

Then another voice, "There's three of us from Troop 212." That came from a cluster of boys standing beside and older woman who added she was a retired nurse.

"I … I know CPR. I have my babysitting certificate." That from a little wisp of a girl near the back.

I nodded and then said, "Good. Now listen up. I'm going to ask you all to do something. This man here is named Dr. Richards. I want you to do what he tells you. It doesn't matter if that just means sitting and keeping someone talking or if you are running to get him something. He may assign you to help someone else. But I want you to work and give it your best. You could be helping to save lives here."

The kids were obviously scared but they were also digging down deep and showing some pride. That more than anything would help turn this from a night of terror into a night they grew up some and maybe found a purpose. Like me. I didn't know where what I was feeling was coming from but I knew that I'd found something worth cultivating.

With the human volume at manageable levels I walked over to Richards just as he gave the last kid an assignment.

"They said Evans was hurt."

"He's over there. He's better now, more himself but …"

"This morning … wait … no … yeah, it was this morning … Lordy the hours are running together … he was acting a little off. Weak with a tendency to lean or lose his balance."

He looked at me sharply, "Bad?"

I shook my head, "Not … no … no not bad but enough that I noticed. No one else seemed to though. Just … don't tell him I said anything."

"You're looking after him?"

"Just returning the favor. He's … he's had my back a few times."

"Rocky this is important. I want you to keep watching him. He was badly concussed when you got him out of that fix with the gamblers. Concussions can have lasting effects. I want to give him time to heal on his own before … before I say anything to Thor."

"Thor knows. I had to explain why I wanted to get paired up with Evans. I don't think he wants to … do whatever it is he would have to do if Evans wasn't fit for working for some reason. You saw how Evans got last time. Evans is a good guy."

He looked at me and then pulled me to the side. "I haven't said anything up to this point because I figured it was your business but … if you've fallen for Evans this is going to make things difficult."

I choked so hard my lungs nearly exited my nostrils. He just shook his head. "Kid I may not be a medical doctor per se but I do have more than a rudimentary understanding of anatomy. When I was checking to see if you'd broken any ribs when the dogs went at you I can count."

"Oh." I mumbled then the light bulb came on. "Oh!" Women generally have one more rib than men do; it makes up for the adam's apple they don't have.

"Who else knows?"

"Hmm. Dollars to donuts Thor knows or at least suspects; he doesn't miss much though you've had him confused. I enjoyed watching him watching you trying to figure out what was different. Evans might know too. He's just that way and it would explain why he was so foul with you in the beginning. Me. But I've wondered if the rest of them had bricks for brains lately. I count myself open minded so I figured you might be transgendered or …"

I snapped, "Well close your mind before something nasty flies in. What I am or am not is no one's business but mine. Evans is my friend. He … I don't know how to say it … he's just been good to me when the rest of you acted like I wasn't worth spitting on. Beyond my telling you that I don't owe you an explanation."

He got that irritatingly compassionate look that some head doctors get when they interview their clients. "You're perfectly within your rights to feel that way but it might help you to let it out and …"

"Don't … start. I am not a bug in your collection." I stopped and then forced myself to say, "Please don't tell anyone. I have my reasons. Respect them even if you can't respect me."

After another professional once over he nodded his head and then said, "Remember what I said. If you and Evans are going to …"

"We aren't!" I said quickly. "We're friends. I swear why do guys always have to think everything goes back to the issue of sex."

A surprised look lit his face, then an appreciative smile came out and he said, "Touché."

Richards went back to doctoring and I went over to check on Evans. "Hey, you try to take on someone my size?"

"Kid, don't kid a kidder. A little tap like that shouldn't have put me on the ground and out for as long as it did."

"Maybe not if you were back to one hundred percent but you didn't exactly give yourself a break after the gamblers. As I noticed you went back on full duty nearly as soon as you could sit a horse. Might not have been the smartest move. And you haven't exactly been resting, not to mention the world is kinda falling apart as we watch. That'd put anyone under some serious stress."

I watched him grab at those straws I was holding out and build a fire with them. Seemed to warm him enough that he got some natural color back. "Mayhap. Maybe we'll run and grab us a fishing hole after we deliver Chuckri to his home. Might be time for a little R&R now that you mention it."

"You're on. And if we don't find one in Missouri maybe there's one along the way to whatever place you're looking for. I know of a good one that stays wet all year back in the woods near home. There's a hot spring that feeds it. Smells terrible but it makes a pretty good hot tub so long as you don't mind the occasionally curious nibble."

He smiled but then got serious. "You asking me to come to your place?"

"Well, yeah. Come throw your feet up by the fire. It'll keep me from talking to myself all winter."

I wasn't sure I knew what I was doing but something was telling me this man needed me. Not in … well … not in that way. I couldn't explain it but asking him to go home with me was right.

"You don't know what you're saying."

"Says you. You're just trying to get out of me beating you by landing the first big one."

"Like #$% you will. I was fishing before you was even thought of." Just like that the bargain was sealed. It didn't even need a handshake.

Then the door slammed open scaring the bejeebers out of all of us and a voice yelled, "Richards!"

It took me a second to realize the sack of potatoes they were hauling in was Thor.


	22. Chapter 22

_**Chapter 22**_

"Whot's going on Kid? Cain't see in this light."

"It's … it's Thor," I said reeling in shock.

"What'r ya waiting fer? Get over there. Don't let that ol' sawbones get to him."

"Richards …"

"Not Richards ya dingaling … Nona. The one ya call the gargoyle. She's been after him since the first time she laid eyes on him and love to play doctor with him. She's on her broom and coming this way ter take care of the militia whot's got shot. Now stop flapping yer jaws and get over there afore she takes yer spot."

I got if for no other reason than to avoid what his words seem to mean.

Thor was had regained consciousness when before I reached him and as Richards' uncharacteristic snarling indicated, he wasn't being the least bit cooperative.

I stepped in. "Thor!" I bellowed loud enough to upset the birds roosting on the I-beams. "Good, I have your attention finally. If you don't mind Richards I will take advantage of this rare opportunity and dump you on your head to knock some sense into you."

He started snarling and snapping his opinion of that idea, the medical community in general, and made sure his opinioin of me came through in the wake of the blast. Then a wicked idea entered my head. Something must have shown on my face because Richards said, "Forget it Rocky. I'm ethically opposed to tying my patients down even when they deserve it."

"Would I do that? No, no I would not." There was a subtle emphasis on "I" that caused Richards' eyes to widen briefly and then he bit his lip to keep from laughing. I continued, "Oh no. I just owe Thor too much … way too much."

Thor didn't know what was coming his way but he didn't appear inclined to wait around to find out. "Just patch me up so I can get back out there. We're in the middle of a battle!"

"Mop up," I told him.

"Kid …," he growled.

"We're in the middle of mopping up. The mob was defeated. The pirates stopped. Our grain is secure. And the militia is gathering the stragglers and dealing with the injured. The battle is over."

Thor turned to Richards and through gritted teeth said, "Patch … me … up … Now."

Regardless of Thor's belief in his own invincibility he looked like he'd taken a pounding. Alfonso had been one of the guys to bring Thor in so I asked him what had happened.

"Some happy sap with an M20 was blowing things up. Took out a position that was giving us cover. After things calmed down we rushed to see if we could dig out any survivors. Somebody moved the wrong thing and a wall finished its falling right on top of Thor."

Thoughtfully I said, "In other words it took a building falling on him to slow him down."

"And don't you forget it Kid. Whatever you're planning for revenge you better be digging your grave at the same time."

I had to grin. "Of course … but this is going to be worth it. However, if I were you I'd back up a few feet, the fireworks should be spectacular."

I stepped outside to give the impression that I had been bluffing and was just trying to get out of somebody calling me on it. Peeking back in I saw that even Thor had fallen for the move and slowed his insistence that Richards hurry up. Then I spotted her heading towards me with a full head of steam. "Rocky! Might have known I'd find you in the middle of this mess. I was told some of our people are over here."

I put a hang dog face on. This woman may have known of me but she really didn't know me, know me. I figured I could pull my own trick play. "Sure are."

"High casualty rate?" she asked quietly.

"Naw. Don't think so."

Irritated she asked, "The why the devil do you have that look on your face? You scared me to death. We're victorious. It was a total route."

I sighed pitifully. "It's … it's Thor. A wall fell on him. And …" I stopped and looked around pretending to see if anyone was listening. "Well, our medic isn't a medical doctor, but a shrink and I don't know if he's got what it takes to examine Thor thoroughly the way he needs it. Thor's our boss. We have to do what he says and you know how he can be."

Her feathers were practically standing on end. "I sure do. Where is he? Inside?" She brushed passed me without waiting for an answer.

Once again the warehouse door banging open startled everyone. Thor saw who it was and started scrambling to get up but he really was hurt whether he admitted it or not. I felt guilty for all of a quarter second because of that. She was on him and practically ripping his clothes off before anyone knew what was coming. Her bellowed, "Don't be such a baby Big Boy. You don't have anything I haven't already seen." Added icing to my triple layer cake.

I scooted around the edge of the crowd to tell Evans I was going to take care of our gear and that I'd be back later.

Evans shook his head but couldn't help a tired smile, "Better make that a long while. The look I saw Thor send in your direction promised death, dismemberment, and disemboweling … not necessarily in that order."

I nodded and then headed towards the exit again. I don't know what imp took over but if I was going to die, I wanted to go out with a bang. I walked over near enough to say something to Nona but not near enough for Thor to throw anything at me.

"Nona, he looks so bad. I bet he needs stitches."

"Don't tell me my business," she humphed at me. "Don't worry, I'm going to check him thoroughly and if he needs them he'll get them. I put stitches in people all the time. Now get out of my light."

"Yes ma'am," I said politely. "I just really owe Thor so much."

Then I skedaddled before I busted out laughing. Alfonso caught my arm and whispered, "I'll tell the others to plan your funeral."

"Put on my tombstone I died happy."


	23. Chapter 23

_**Chapter 23**_

Paybacks were satisfying but I knew mine would eventually turn on me, they always do. I sobered up when I remembered the two guys I had stuffed in the shed. It was time to deal with that situation. I hadn't decided what to do yet when I got to the shed only to find it opened and empty. A militiaman was standing there and I asked, "Weren't there some prisoners in there?"

"Prisoners? We don't take prisoners. If there were combatants in there they've been executed for crimes against the community."

I opened my mouth to say something that likely would have proven unwise when I was crowded from the side.

A gruff voice said, "You're getting paid to work, not stand around getting in the way."

Chuckri turned me and then with an apologetic look at the militiaman, steered me well away from the scene. When we were several yards away he said in a whisper, "Don't cause trouble."

I looked at him and asked, "You think what that guy said was right?"

He shook his head at me. "Doesn't matter what I think. This is their town and they've got the power and clout to run it their way. And the people like it, they keep asking for more and more. This situation tonight will only reinforce the idea in the minds of the people here that they need someone to take care of them, to stand in the breach and protect them."

"But … that's stupid. The people here could have done the job we did. It wouldn't be any easier for them than it was us but … but … execution? Without a trial? That's not even constitutional."

"Where have you been Kid? The Constitution only works when there are enough people who willingly live by it. When you have to enforce the Constitution by forcing submission of the majority by military might you run the risk of becoming the very type of tyranny the Constitution tries to protect us from. People can only be free when they are willing to be free. You can't force people to think like free men should."

We'd gotten way deeper than I had meant. "I know all that. My dad was a Constitutionalist."

"Good for him and no offense but he ain't here and we are." He shook his head, probably at what he considered my naiveté. "Things are going to be a while changing, settling. You need to be more careful Kid if you want to stick around long enough to influence how they wind up."

I didn't know where we were headed until I saw the pony cart. For a moment I thought he meant to put me on the road but then he said, "Here, help me gather up everyone's gear and take it over to the warehouse. Your idea of being a roof spotter was a good one and we'll continue using it until we can get outta here."

I looked at him to see how he'd known and he must have read the question on my face. "Delia told me. That was you that picked off that guy with the rocket launcher."

It was more statement than question so I just shrugged.

"I also heard it was a roof top sniper that alerted the militia to the pirates going after the vault."

"Mmm."

He cocked an eyebrow as we each pulled a side of the pony cart. "Now you're playing smart. Keep your mouth shut about things when you can. For example, you're better than you let on obviously. And that rifle you carry isn't anything worth bragging about so it makes me wonder what you could do with a decent weapon and scope. Where is it anyway?"

"Dad always told me an empty gun wasn't nothing but a fancy club."

He asked, "You out of ammo?"

"Yeah. We took a haul from those gamblers but it got spread thin when it was divvied out. Picked up some more when I found the kids but a night like tonight will burn through a supply of any size."

He nodded in agreement. "I hear that. You got your casings?"

"Most of 'em. A few rolled off the roof. Plan on reloading when I get home assuming no one found Dad's equipment room."

"You can reload?" he asked surprised.

Instead of a direct answer I told him, "Ammo's not cheap and we weren't rich."

"I'll take that as a yes." He stopped by a pile of bodies that I had been studiously trying to ignore. "Good. They haven't started stripping them yet. Look for any replacement equipment you need. Focus on anyone that looks like they were a pirate first. They'll be more likely to have what we need. Don't touch the militiamen at all. No need to cause problems when we don't have to."

It wasn't pleasant but I understood the necessity. It wasn't any worse than going through an abandoned house; in both cases the previous owner was gone and never coming back.

By the time we'd gotten all of the men's gear we'd also pillaged enough body piles that I had enough ammo to fight another battle, twice as many to reload when I got a chance, and was praying that it would be the end of Juvember before I ever laid eyes on another corpse.

We pulled the pony cart into the warehouse through a roll up door. The sun was coming up and I was just about as tired as I've ever been. Most of the wounded militia were gone and the few that were left were being loaded into hand wagons by their personnel. Chuckri stepped away to talk to someone with some stripes on his uniform. I looked around and spotted Barkley coming down from the ladder.

"How the Sam Hill did you get on the roof Kid?"

"Out the window and …"

He shuddered. "No. Don't tell me. #$% I hate heights. I have to spell Alfonso who is out there now."

"I'll do it," I volunteered.

"You sure Kid? What do I have to trade?"

"Huh? Oh … nothing. Consider it doing me a favor. The further away I am when Thor gets in the mood to let me have it the better."

A tired chuckle was followed, "No truer words have been spoken. Seriously Kid, you sure? About the roof I mean."

"Sure, don't sweat it. Heights have never bothered me. We have any water so I can fill my canteen?" The morning was young but already turning warm.

He pointed me towards a large plastic barrel that I hadn't noticed before. I walked over and saw Evans had tucked himself out of sight behind a couple of crates. I went back and got his gear and then unrolled his bedding right beside him. All he had to do was roll over and he'd be in bed. He woke up just enough to mumble "thanks" before falling back to sleep. I finished filling my canteen and to stuff my pockets with the last of my gorp; and then went over to the caged ladder.

Barkely said, "You're sure?"

"I said I was didn't I? Hey, before I go up … Thor is all right? For sure all right?"

"Yeah, he's a tough one. Nona bandaged him up but …," he snickered a moment. "She seemed kind of disappointed that he didn't need stitches."

"What a shame … I mean … lucky for him huh?" I deadpanned drawing another tired chuckle.

"Kid, if I were you I'd be looking for a way to get back in Thor's good graces real quick."

"Naw, I like taking my life in my hands. Where is he anyway?" I asked looking around cautiously.

"Sleeping off whatever Nona dosed him with. All joking aside, he's gonna be moving slow for a while. Between you and me I think we need to get out of this town sooner rather than later. It don't seem too healthy around here. I just don't know how long it'll be before Thor, and Evans too, will be able to sit a horse. I got me a bad feeling this ain't a good place for us to be right now."

"I won't disagree with you. Besides it's already June and it's going to take me forever to get home and I wanna do it before it gets too cold. The longer we stay here the longer it takes to get where I'm going."

"You still set on heading east?"

"That's the plan and so far nothing's changed it. What about you?"

"I'm a Midwest boy myself but don't have no family left to speak of. Chuckri's offered me a place and I've taken him up on it. We've all been together for so long we're like brothers."

"Yeah … I got that. Look, tell Chuckri I'm up on the roof spelling Alfonso and if Evans wakes up cranking tell him where I'm at. I think Thor has made him babysitter in charge and I really don't want to give him any grief in his condition."

"Sure Kid."

I grabbed my rifle and took it with me when went up and exchanged places with Alfonso. I also took stuff to give the rifle a basic cleaning and glad that I did, it kept me occupied so I wouldn't focus on how hot it was and how tired I was. If I had been the kind of girl that enjoyed sunbathing that would have been the perfect spot to fry myself up on both sides. My canteen had long ago gone empty and I was really starting to doze when I heard my name called.

"Rocky! You still up here?"

It was Richards. "Where else would I be? You got a second to get me some water? My canteen's been dry a while and I'm …"

Richards rarely swore so when he let off a string that would have made a salty old sailor proud I thought something was wrong. I slid down and then hung over the end getting an upside down look at his tired face. "What's up?"

"Who was supposed to spell you after Alfonso?"

"Don't know. About the water …"

"Get in here."

"You …"

"I said get … in … here. How long have you been without water?"

"Don't know … awhile." I told him flipping around and coming in through the window. "Trouble?" I asked again looking around for anything out of the ordinary.

"Down. Now. Move."

"Richards …"

"Not another word. Do you realize it is getting on towards four o'clock?"

I shrugged, "Sure. I remembered to wind my watch."

"You're as red as a lobster."

"Beet. People who get red as lobsters are usually burnt. I'm beet colored, it's just from the heat."

"You're fried."

"Naw. I don't burn. Something about the melanin in my skin."

I could hear his teeth grinding enamel on enamel so I shut up so we could both concentrate on getting down the ladder and I could find out what he was so bent out of shape about. As soon as his feet hit the concrete of the floor he was marching over to the corner office. When he realized I wasn't following him he looked at me with an expression that had me catching up right quick.

"Richards what is up? If there's trouble …"

"Trouble? You're up there nearly 10 hours with only one canteen of water, no break, no rest, and I assume no one has even bothered to check on you in all that time either?"

I didn't want to lie to the guy but he didn't sound too happy. I had just opened my mouth when Chuckri stuck his head out and said, "Kid what kind of problems are you creating now?"

I tried to open my mouth to tell Chuckri that it wasn't me that was yelling when Richards went off on him. Then they started going off on each other. I looked at them both liked they were losing their minds.

I blew a whistle through my teeth and said, "Whoa, whoa, whoa … Time out! Richards, dude, I'm fine. Chuckri, chill out man, Richards is just … you know … tired and stuff after spending all night and day patching people up."

Richards said, "Kid, I appreciate what you're saying but it is not OK. You were up there and if I hadn't wondered where you were there was no telling how long you would have been left up there."

"I'm not stupid Richards. I was just about to the point I would have called down for a refill on the canteen. And heights and heat don't bother me. I've been working in tobacco barns and silos my whole life. Really man everything's copacetic. I'm sure that someone would have been up to spell me as soon as there was a break in the workload."

I looked up just in time to see a slightly guilty look come over Chuckri's face as well as Thor's who had just limped into the room. "Oh." I shrugged. "Well … er … whatever."

I turned and left the office, shutting the door quietly behind me. I'd known paybacks were probably going to be rough but if they thought that they'd made me feel sorry they didn't know me very well. Of course the reality was they didn't really know me at all.

I walked over to find Evans stirring from his pallet. "Hey, whot's all the noise?"

"Richards needs some sleep. How are you feeling?"

"Like I broke my energy bone. That soup they fixed us at lunch helped for a little while but now …" He faded out with an uncertain look on his face.

"Hey, don't go trying to do too much. That'll just cause a relapse," I told him. "You were there when the dog chewed on me, about time I got to return the favor."

I got an absent-minded grin before he said, "And don't you fergit it Kid. I think for once Richards might be right." A light snore soon followed as I dug for anything to eat out of my pack. Evans talking about lunch reminded me my stomach was empty. My bladder should have been full but I'd sweated too much.

I had my foot on the bottom rung when Richards stopped me, "You aren't going back up there, I don't care what they say."

Not wanting anyone to overhear me I told him, "Don't make a scene. Thor knows what I am. I think Evans might too but as far as I can tell no one else does. This isn't hurting me any, I'm tougher than you want to realize. If I whine and complain all of a sudden people are going to talk and I can't afford that, especially not now."

"Why not now?"

I didn't want to pull anyone else into my messed up problems. "It's … complicated. But trust me if you can, it doesn't really have anything to do with you guys per se. I wish I could explain without making things worse but I don't think I can. I'd rather just keep going the way I've been going and make the best of it. You only need to put up with me for a little while longer. I promised the kids I'd see them settled and … well, that can't be too much further off. I'll be out of your hair after that. Until then … don't … don't treat me like such a girl. It doesn't help things and I'm not sure I need it anymore."

He sighed and shook his head but he let me go. As I climbed and went back out to the roof I could feel eyes on me but I refused to look back to see who it was. Around five o'clock I smelled the cook fires starting up but it was closer to eight before a man from the caravan I recognized but didn't know said he had come up to take over. I was so hungry by that point about the only thing I could think of was to get down and grab something to eat.

I slid down the outside ladder and headed straight to where I'd seen the cooking pots … and head first into disappointment. The pots were empty. The people that had done the cooking were sympathetic but they'd made what they were told to make and no one had been allowed seconds. They'd even had to water things down a bit to make it stretch as far as it had.

I was mad like I hadn't been earlier in the day. Maybe I had taken it too far egging Thor on like I had but at least I had known that he was not likely to be harmed by the likes of Nona. Leaving me up on the roof and not even having the decency to check on me … well what little fun I'd had was gone like dust on the wind and I was back to feeling completely alone and distrustful.

I probably should have known not to give my trust back so easily but I suppose you could say that I had been desperate to connect in there somewhere, lonely enough that I would have taken what little bit they would have given me. Worse I could have kicked myself for reading something into Thor's knowledge of what I was. The sooner I could get away from everyone the better.

My attitude wasn't helped at all by being tired and hungry. I must have looked frightening as I walked from shadow to shadow working off my frustration. More than one person startled and jumped away from me like I was the boogey man. And then when the rain started falling I knew that I needed to find a place and hole up for a while. I needed rest and food but it looked like rest was the only thing I was going to get.

And then it looked like I wasn't going to get that either as I discovered a cranky family had gotten to my chosen shelter ahead of me. The man was whining the woman was complaining and the kids were just plain miserable. It took me a moment to figure out that all they had to eat was boiled wheat but that no one found it edible. I knew from experience that for some people it was an acquired taste and that was only made worse if it wasn't cooked well.

"Hey, enough noise already. Don't throw the baby out with the bath water. Wheat is more than many will have to eat tonight." They just looked at me in a defeated like they were waiting for me to steal what little they had. "Oh for pete sake. Here, grab that skillet and put a little bit of oil in it. Now scoop out some of the wheat a little at a time and dry it between two towels … no, like this. OK, kids get back a little further because the grease is going to crackle."

I proceeded to show them how to cook "popped wheat." By the time I was done with that I was sick to my stomach. The family was all but skin and bones and I didn't have the heart to take any of their food though I could have. I crawled away looking for another hidey hole and was got soaked in the process. I finally found a warehouse where a lot of single wretches like me were taking refuge from the rain and did my best to lean against the wall and try and get some sleep to escape.

It seemed like no time later I was being shaken awake, "Kid … hey Kid."

It was Evans. There was some cussing and groaning from those being disturbed around me. "C'mon Kid. They're taking delivery of the wheat and Thor wants to get gone from here. I've been looking for you for hours."

"What … what time is it?"

"'Bout three in the morning I reckon. Dawn's still a ways off." As I stumbled after him I asked, "What are you doing out in this weather? Last I saw you weren't feeling too good. You looking to make yourself sick on top of everything else?"

I was passed caring if he realized I was female or not so I didn't bother trying to hide it.

"Look who's talking. Why'd you let 'em do that to you? Then you didn't come in when they did finally send somebody up. We'd gone ter grab something ter eat together."

"It wouldn't have mattered either way. I went down the outside ladder and straight to the cook fires. Everything was already gone."

"Gone? You meaning to tell me you ain't et in … in how long?!"

"Don't yell. It is what it is. Let's just get this over with. The sooner we get Chuckri to his home the sooner I can shed this group and stop making a fool out of myself thinking things have changed."

"Ready to get rid of us?"

I looked at him and suddenly saw the man standing there and not just a man. "Not all of you." I shook my head to clear the cobwebs, "But I'm tired of it all. There's things you don't know."

"One of 'em being you's a woman."

That made me smile. "No. Well that's part of it but Richards told me you likely had figured it out and I'm grateful I don't have to lie to you anymore. It bothers me. There's just other stuff."

"Does it have something to do with the way you are?"

"Yeah, some of it does. I just don't need trouble, not … not here or now … or ever anymore. I just want to go home where if there are any left alive they already know what I am and I already know how they feel about it. Can we just … change the subject?"

"Sure Kid. Sure. But you stick with me from here on out. Thought Thor had better sense. Well, his loss."


	24. Chapter 24

_**Chapter 24**_

Evans' words warmed me, driving out the cold that had taken hold. "So," I smiled "any particular reason we're flying in the night like this?"

"Getting while the getting is good . There's been some stories of people getting paid and then all of a sudden they are told they've been fined or owe some local fee or other, or the goods they contracted for are suddenly more expensive than they were led to believe. They wind up broke all over again, or worse, in debt and working for the city to get free of the debt."

"Wind up owing their lives to the company store?" A wink barely visible in the reflection of a fire we passed told me I'd got it right.

He looked at me speculatively and said, "I'd say we ride double but if you're trying to avoid talk …"

I grimaced and then sighed, "I'll keep up unless we have to run. I'm long legged and fast for my size but I won't out last a horse. I'll probably just pull the kids or gear in the pony cart or …"

"No you won't." The dead certainty in his voice left no room for discussion. "Chuckri can figure it out. He wants them kids then he and that Delia can start taking care of them now. The sooner the better."

"I don't mind."

"Well I do. He could've at least checked on ya; for that matter I should have."

I didn't like my one true friend feeling bad. "Hey, it's no biggie. And even if it was it's not Trish and Mickey's fault and I won't hold it against them. They're just kids."

His voice was gruff and a little awkward when he said, "Well …"

I stopped before we got to the warehouse and pulled him into an even blacker pool of darkness so we wouldn't be seen. "Evans, don't let this … this knowing what I am change things. I'm the same me I've always been. And we both know I'm not the fragile type and that I can give as good as I get. There's a price for letting people think I am a guy and I knew it before I even started. I appreciate you taking my part but I don't want to cause problems. I keep being told y'all have been together as a crew for a long time. I don't want to mess that up. It's enough to know it matters to you."

He shook his head. "It's too easy to fergit how all fired young you really are. Just remember what I said, you stick with me. I don't cotton to the way Thor and Chuckri handled things this time. It could have gotten out of hand real easy. Now you mind me on this, ya hear?"

"I hear," I told him knowing from past experience he wouldn't lay off until I did.

"We'll keep our eyes open and snag ya something to eat as soon as might be. We'll keep our eyes out for that fishing gear too … if you've still a mind to."

"Of course," I told him.

That made us both smile and that's how we entered the warehouse.

"You two happy about holding us up?" Thor snarled.

I just looked at him and suddenly I was coldly angry with him all over again. I walked over and picked up my pack and put it on while saying, "As I recall my participation in this crew was to get that wheat to market. Evans told me the buyers finally came to finish the transaction with no warning and just left not that long ago. Well guess that means your need to tolerate me is over. You sure weren't obligated to look for me or wait no more. Can't even imagine why you would expect me to think you would. Your message was pretty clear before now, yesterday jut reinforced it."

I walked to Trish and Mickey and knelt down in the uncomfortable silence. "I won't be far. Not if I can help it. I'll keep my promise and make sure you get settled. OK?"

"Now hold on here," Evans broke in. "See what you've started Thor? You left the Kid up on that roof all day, no water, no food … and Rocky still ain't had nothing to eat …"

"Evans!" I didn't want anyone's pity or the kind of attention he was generating on my behalf.

"You hush up Kid. I'm gonna have my say. I ain't the best example but I wouldn't leave a buddy hanging like they done. It went from joke to meanness just because you didn't cry and admit defeat, or maybe they just plain forgot about you which ain't no better. Makes me wonder how much noise the rest of 'em would be making if they'd been treated the same way. Also makes me begin to wonder what they'll do to me when I ain't useful to 'em no more." Then he turned to Thor and Chuckri. "I been with this crew longer than anybody here. Watched men come and men go; some by choice and some the hard way. You two are supposed to be the leaders now. We're supposed to follow what you do and be able to trust you are looking out for all of us. I expect some tomfoolery like what's happened from the Kid, Rocky's only just eighteen. I don't expect it from the two o' you. Don't fergit I was around when you were both that age. Both of you were a couple of pains in the ##$%. I cain't count the number of times us older guys wanted to drop you down a well someplace and leave you there … 'specially that time in Fallujah. I never heard such a bunch of complaining as we used to get out of you that first year."

Chuckri opened his mouth but Evans stopped him, "I got something to say to you special. Some example you set. Or are you just one of those that wanna be a Pap only when it's easy or fits in with your plans? Them kids been watching you. You gonna explain to them why yer treating the person whot saved their lives the way you are treating Rocky or are you gonna let 'em think anything's ok to do so long as it is just supposed to be a joke?"

Chuckri didn't like that and crossed his arms and glared. Thor growled threateningly, "You got something to say to me?"

"Don't got to. You know what you did. And you know why it were wrong. You think I'm gonna make it easy on you? I …"

Suddenly Evans seemed to lose his balance. I ran forward and grabbed his belt and steadied him. Richards stepped forward looking daggers at both Thor and Chuckri. "I told you to have someone else look for Rocky."

"Aw, get off me," Evans complained as both Richards and I tried to get him to sit down.

"This whole situation is on Rocky. Everywhere the Kid goes there's trouble," Thor snarled.

My concern for Evans made me angry to the point of nearly losing control. Lack of rest and food was loosening my lips as well. "Fine, it's on me for not checking in when I didn't think you or anyone else gave a rip, specially not after yesterday. But you best back up right now. Evans is the only one I trust to have my back and he needs some space … and a few too many are crowding him."

Whatever it was they saw on my face, a couple of them backed up fast enough to step on each other's feet.

"Knock it off, just tripped over my boot lace," Evans complained

"Sure. But just on the off chance that wasn't it just let Richards do his thing. You promised me some R&R and a visit to a fishing hole. Remember? How we gonna go fishing if you don't stay well? You promised to teach me to cheat at cards too."

Outraged Evans said, "I did no such thing. Fishing yes, cards no. I don't want you fooling with cards, they lead to other things you don't have no business messing with."

I grinned at Richards, "Oh well, it was worth a try."

"Humph" was the only sound I got out of Evans but he couldn't quite keep a smile from pulling at the corner of his mouth.

"All right, show's over. Finish loading your gear, we're leaving in thirty." Thor said more quietly than he had up to that point.

The other men scrambled off. Pointedly ignoring Thor I concentrated on Richards and his assessment of Evans. He sighed. "I don't know. I'm no medical doctor and you know it. Some of it, maybe most of it, is fatigue but I don't like your slowed response time Evans. You took a bad crack on the head back …"

"Yeah, yeah. If we're leaving in thirty I need to get saddled up. Kid, if I have to tie yer over the rump of my horse yer not wandering off. You mind me now. I ain't in the mood for no more. Now move and let me get up. I may be the old man of this crew but I ain't exactly ancient."

"I never said you were old," I told him. "Neither did Richards. We're saying you aren't taking care of yourself."

"Aw, stop yer fussing. You just want to get to that fishing hole is all. Let's get Chuckri to home and I'll rest then. Seems to me we don't need no more delays."

Unfortunately Evans was right. He stood up and only stumbled once going out to the horses. I made to follow but Thor and Richards both held me back. "Someone's already saddled it for him. He's just going to check it to save face."

I looked down at Thor's hand on my arm, looked him in the eye and then tightened my bicep muscles up, spreading his fingers, so that he got the idea I didn't want him touching me. I turned to Richards and asked, "You sure he's all right?"

"Honestly? No. There is some cloudiness in his right eye that wasn't there before his beating. His reflexes are noticeably slower than they were before as well. Evans looks a lot older than the rest of us but he's only forty. I can't account for his current condition except as a byproduct of his time in the … care … of the gamblers."

I asked, "What can I do to help?"

"Keep an eye on him. See if there is any change for the worse, even if it is mild. See if there is anything in particular that precipitates these types of episodes even if it is just fatigue. Make sure he rests. Maybe all he needs is some rest, we could all use some, but I can't say that's it for sure." It was obvious he was frustrated and feeling the limits of his knowledge.

Richards left to go tend to his own gear and I went to get the rest of Evans' so I could load it on the horse. Before I could go however Thor grabbed my arm again. "Thor, you grab me again and you might just pull back a nubbin. I'm not one of your men you can order around."

"You never were."

I just shook my head and made to walk away again. " #$% you know what I mean."

"No I don't and I'm done making excuses for the dumb things you say. And stop cussing at me. You get your point across well enough without it. I mean it Thor, I'm done. I'm almost clear of this whole mess. When I fulfill my promise to the kids I'm gone. I'm going to tell you this once and only once. Maybe I did e at'R&R and them my face ou special. y. Watched men come and me go, some the hard most of our party looked like.

s mnjoy it too much when Nona set on you but she is a real doc and you were hurt and weren't listening to Richards. You're still moving like someone's granny. Despite it all you scared me getting hurt and then when I saw you were OK I got silly. But what you did to retaliate,ell you thi put all of that behind me. Obviously with the end of the world I'oc and you were hurt and weren' you never would have done that to any of the other men. Did I really deserve that for what I did to you or was it about me being different and putting me in my place?"

"What kind of question is that?" Thor asked irritably.

"One that I've had to ask myself too often in my life. I just thought with the end of the world I'd be able to put all of that behind me. Obviously not. And here's another thing, Evans is my friend whether you like it or not. I won't interfere with your crew but I won't be interfered with either when it comes to returning Evans' friendship. He's the only one out of all of y'all that never has offered me false coin. He knows what I am … or mostly … and suspect he might know even more than he's letting on. He's that kind of guy. But he's had my back time after time and I mean to do the same for him. Anyone gets in the way of that and I will hurt them."

He snorted, "Real feminine Ro-chelle."

"You don't know what real feminine means. I can guarantee you those silly little things you seem to think are the perfect example of womanliness are nothing but fake paper dolls and don't look so pretty these days; and they're probably little more than useless to their families too. Real women are just that … real, not concreted over with makeup thick as spackle and so many dye jobs they've probably forgotten what their real hair color looks like. Sure, I could be more girly, even women my size and bigger can do it, my aunt was one of them … but I'd be dead right now if I was you big dope. I am still the exact same person I was before. I have always been this person. It is other people that keep trying to hang a label on me."

I nearly walked away but had to finish saying what was on my mind. "What did you expect? That you were going to reveal the fact that you knew I was female and suddenly I was going to shrink, lose a few pounds, and turn dainty and fragile and oh so grateful for your notice? If so that's some fantasy life you have there.#$% you know what I mean."de to walk away again. "ack a nubbin. I'bbed my arm again. "f there is anything in particular that I am who I am and what I am by birth and by choice. You are just one of the way too many that can't seem to accept me for who I am. You've made things real clear, you and the other men. Like I said, just stay out of my way when it comes to helping Evans. I've lost a lot of trust in you guys, maybe I shouldn't have given it so easily in the first place." I mumbled the last more to myself than to him.

"Rochelle …"

He tried to grab me again and I elbowed him where I knew he was bruised so he'd let go quick and then walked away. I'll admit that I was hurt and angry … hurt by him and Chuckri and the other guys too and angry at myself for forgetting all of the rules of self preservation that I'd set for myself. I grabbed Evans' gear and made my escape.

I wasn't the first to be ready but I wasn't the last either. Finally we were on our way out of Dodge before the first cock crowed and anyone was awake to stop us. The rest of the caravan crew had been paid their share and sent on their way. Delia drove a little supply wagon and had the kids tucked in there as well. Everyone else besides them and me was on a horse. I suppose I could have hopped up in the wagon too but I wasn't invited and preferred to go my own way anyway.

I would start paying for that excess of pride as the sun came up. I'd managed to fill my canteen but not my belly. I was also exhausted. I tried to stay alert but it was getting hard. I heard a whispered, "Rocky, you OK?"

I looked up to find Evans had maneuvered his horse up beside me. "I'm fine."

"Don't look fine."

"Wouldn't know. The mirror has never exactly been my friend. Always shows me what I least want to see."

"Kid, this isn't a joke."

I sighed and looked up at him. "I'll be fine. Really. I don't think I'm even hungry any more. Just … no more scenes. I hate drama. It's so useless."

He wasn't satisfied. "Yeah, well maybe you'll get drama whether you want it or no. Them kids are pestering Delia and anyone that'll listen near to death. Thor looks like he's about to fall out of the saddle and him and Chuckri have had words."

"Aw geez. And people complain about me being young. Sounds like everybody else is who needs to grow up. I'll go make sure that Mickey doesn't fall out of the wagon. He could be a wiggle worm when I was pulling them in the pony cart."

We would have made better time if we had cut straight through Topeka but we wanted to avoid all of the militia patrols we could so we detoured around the city using a southern route. If we'd planned better we could have avoided half the stopping we did that day. I finally did get something to eat about mid-morning but it was just some rolls and a wedge of cheese I bought off a farmer. I offered some to Evans but he just said, "Eat it Kid. I'm chewing on some wheat and that's about all my jaw wants right now."

Remembering that family with the pile of wheat and not knowing what to do with it besides boil it I said, "Reckon they'd let me pop some wheat for the kids later if I got it soaking now?"

"You start popping wheat and it won't just be the kids who'll want some. My Mam used to do that when we didn't have much else ter eat. How do you know about it? Haven't heard of anyone doing it for years."

"My great grandmother was alive until I was a sophomore in highschool and her daughter, my grandmother, was too; they only died a couple of months apart. They lived in a cabin on the other side of the yard lot from the big house. I never knew them to cook except from scratch. Mom did too mostly but she liked her modern conveniences when Dad could afford them. It was my job to help Mawmaw and Granny get their house cleaned up on Saturday before the Sabbath. They'd always have some kind of treat for me to eat afterwards … popped wheat, popcorn, ginger snaps, tea biscuits full of dried fruit. It's a wonder I'm not as big as a house the way they fed me." I smiled thinking of my memories.

"Mmmm. Biscuits. I ain't had me a good biscuit in years. Now don't get me wrong, I've eaten some good food while we were out working but biscuits are particular; they need a light but strong hand … about like children. When we were over in Turkey a couple of years ago I had these rings of bread called Simits or summut like that. Couldn't understand half of what them folks said. You'd get 'em off of street vendors and fill 'em full of jam or honey. Lordy them was good. Hey Montgomery! You remember that time you …" He was off and running, dredging up things to draw the other men into conversation. I noticed after he started they seemed to lose the mullygrubs that they'd been holding onto.

I stepped over to the wagon and grabbed Mickey before he nearly fell out head first again. "What did I tell you about minding? You're gonna get in trouble and it is gonna be your own fault."

"I'm bored," he whined.

"If I'd been dumb enough to say that when my granny was around she would have told me 'Come here Rocky and I'll give you a board across your backside and then find you something to tie up your time plenty.' Now stop being such a pain. It's not nice for you to be mean to folks because they're trying to take care of you and get you some place you can call home."

"But I'm bored. It was fun when you pulled us in the pony cart. Do it again."

"Demanding little monster aren't you? We'll see how you behave for the rest of the day and then maybe tomorrow we'll see whether I'm up to totin' you around for a little while; get you out of everybody's hair. But only if you start behaving. And you better say sorry to Delia. If she wasn't driving the wagon you'd be walking right now and I remember you weren't partial to that either."

He continued to pout when I put him back in the wagon but at least he'd stopped making a nuisance of himself. And once he'd calmed down Trish did as well and before too long both of them curled up in the back of the wagon and went to sleep.

"You like kids don't you."

Delia's statement caught me off guard. "Well, sure. What's not to like. They're messy, smelly, noisy, cause trouble, and … oh wait, you said kids. Thought you were talking about the men."

I could have kicked myself. Being female one minute and playing at being male the next wasn't as easy as I tried to pretend it was. Lucky for me Delia didn't seem to notice what I'd really meant because she just laughed and let me off the hook.

There was a blind bend in the road so I ran up to see what was around the corner before the rest got there. The heat of the day wasn't too bad but I could feel the sweat caused by the heavy pack on my back dripping down into the waist of my jeans. So it was with some relief that I spotted what looked like a cistern off behind an old store. I signaled and Thor rode up while the others held back.

"Roads kinda narrow where these buildings crowd in but it doesn't look like anyone's home. Even the Dollar General has been ransacked. But you see that tank over there? Does that look like a cistern to you?"

"Yeah it does," he agreed. "If it is Richards can test the water and we'll fill up."

I was about to go forward and check things out some more when Thor asked, "Didja eat?"

I looked at him like he'd lost his mind. "You saw me. I wasn't the only one to buy from the farmer's wife."

"Yeah … well … about … Rochelle I didn't …"

"Rocky." The look I gave him made him sigh.

"Rochelle. It went too far. I was in and out of it yesterday. I … I didn't mean …"

I couldn't believe it. I think he was actually trying to apologize. Suddenly it just didn't seem important any more. I also knew that it was in everybody's best interest to let it go. Out in the brave new world you could get dead real fast. Having everyone cranking and angry could have unintended consequences and I didn't want to be the cause of anything else bad happening.

"Forget it. It's done and over with."

"You sure?"

"What? You want it written in blood? Just let it go. We've got more important things to worry about I guess."

This time he didn't stop me as I left to explore forward. What I had found by the time the others had arrived was that there were some seriously sick people in this world.


	25. Chapter 25

_**Chapter 25**_

Evans was the first one to spot me puking in the bushes. "Hey! Hey Kid, didja et something bad?"

All I could do was shake my head while I tried to catch my breath through my acid ravaged throat. I caught Delia letting the kids down out of the wagon and all I could do was point and try and make a shooing motion to put them back into the wagon.

Thor, unusually perceptive, asked, "Where?" I had half expected him to think I just didn't want the kids to see me being sick.

I pointed towards the building I'd run out of. It took me a few minutes but I finally got everything back under control by the time Thor came out of the building too, breathing heavy and then hawking a glob up and spitting it out in the dried up flower bed beside the door. He walked over and told Chuckri, "Don't let the kids out of your sight and don't let 'em go in any building. Matter of fact don't let 'em on this side of the road at all. Tell 'em I said either they do what they're told or they can sit in the wagon the entire time."

Chuckri nodded with obvious understanding. "How bad?"

Rather than answer verbally he made a disgusted face and then looked at me and asked, "You OK?"

In return I asked him, "Did you see the two in the back or only the one in the front? It … they …" I had to stop and I was glad that apparently even young men can get shook up at the sight I'd seen because Chuckri patted my shoulder before going over to Delia and the kids.

Thor turned to Evans, "Take Rocky over to that bench. Make sure the Kid stays put for a few."

Evans wouldn't take no for an answer but as I wasn't opposed to sitting there wasn't an argument. I shuddered trying to get control of the pictures running through my head. I must have been sitting there longer than I thought because Thor's voice startled me.

"You ready to talk?"

I looked up and saw he'd already explained to Evans what was in the building. "Now do either of you wonder why I chose to do what I did?" I asked feeling haunted and dirty at the same time.

Evans shook his head and said with more understanding that I'd expected, "Take it easy Kid. The first time is always the roughest. On the other hand, the day it gets easy to see things like whot you seen … that's the day you run screaming into the oncoming headlights. You gonna be OK or you want some more time?"

"No … I'll … I'll get up and help. It was the little one that did me in. She wasn't much bigger than Trish." I shuddered again and then jumped when Alfonso ran out of the building to bend over heaving.

Before I could ask Thor said, "See? Doesn't matter how many times you see it sometimes it will still hit you bad; especially if there is a kid involved. We're building a pyre. There's no way we can take the time to bury 'em but … but I won't just leave them like that. None of us will."

I was shaking, reminding myself as much as telling them, "They're not there, only their bodies are. Whoever did this may have left them to be prisoners of what happened to them but they're freer than the monster will ever be."

Thor looked concerned at what must have seemed like rambling to him but Evans knew what I meant. "That's right Kid. You just keeping knowing that; this life or the next he'll reap what's coming to him and then some."

"Already has," said a slow and scratchy voice.

We all jumped and grabbed for our guns. A man that was more sundried than Evans stood there confidently at ease despite startling several armed men, holding his rifle and wearing a US Marshall badge on a leather vest.

"Names Cochran. I'm what passes for justice around here these days. You say there's three women in that building over there?"

Thor looked closely at the badge before saying, "Two young ones, hard to tell if they were old enough to be called women yet or not, then a … young girl either small for her age or …"

The man asked, "Red hair, medium length? Had on a yeller t-shirt and jeans."

I closed my eyes briefly, "Yeah." And that's all I was going to say; I wouldn't desecrate that poor kid's memory by repeating what I'd seen … and what I hadn't.

A spasm of pain crossed the man's face. "Susie Dell, She was the youngest of 'em as far as we know."

Turning back to Thor he said, "As you pass through you might run into some folks that want to hurry you along. Don't be too hard on 'em. After what this area has been through I'd be surprised if people weren't like that. It started before the power went off. Two girls went missing from the lake. Then another went missing from the bus stop. When the power went out it got worse. One a month then a couple a month and then somebody'd go missing almost every week. Sometimes we'd find the bodies, sometimes not. I was sent here to investigate the first three disappearances and then stayed on when folks asked me to. Finally got the evidence against a man no one had suspected when somebody saw him taking Susie. When we got to his place it was full of … well enough evidence to have put him away in the before time for life and plenty enough to get him hanged these days. Guy was a real perv and the way this big boy here is jittering I'd say that the scene is probably as bad as the other ones we discovered."

When Cochran saw Trish and Mickey he said, "'Bout a mile up the road you're gonna want those two over there to shut their eyes. We strung him up day and a half ago and the birds have been at him. I'll notify the families, better for them not to see the condition of the bodies anyway. Let me confirm their identities and then I'll stand witness to the cremation and give you a paper to clear ya in case there are any questions."

I kept telling myself that those girls were gone, in a better place. I'd leave the rest of it in God's hands 'cause mine were too shaky for the job. But I did insist on helping to complete the pyres and then dump dirt on the fires to make sure they were out and wouldn't escape the building. Everyone's thoughts were dark as we finally left that place and headed to where we planned to camp, a place called Clinton State Park.

The place was abandoned but I didn't understand why. There were the remnants of tents and RVs all over the place. Most of them still had bits and pieces of things that were useful enough that we added them to our own gear or replaced something that was wearing out. I grabbed the tail end of several rolls of TP, a roll of plastic wrap, some salvaged aluminum foil, Ziploc bags, and even a few food items. While the others took care of the horses, fixed dinner, or whatever chore they had been assigned, Evans and I divvied up the more valuable goodies that were found. There were towels and linens and things like that as well. And nearly every little bathroom had dribs and drabs of hygiene items and first aid supplies. I gathered all of the spices and such as we went and then handed them to Delia to add to the food supplies although I'm not ashamed to say that Evans and I made sure we had our own supply of everything we found.

One RV had obviously belonged to a family and when I saw the pictures of the kids hung on the frig it hit me hard. I walked back to the little bathroom cubicle, slid the door shut, and then sat on the floor of the shower and cried as silently as I could.

I was too old to still believe in fairy tales but I realized I wanted all of this to be a bad dream. A small part of me thought if I could just hold on long enough things would right themselves and the last several months would erased. I'd get home and Dad and Mom … but finding those three girls did nothing but make me right. It wasn't a game. I wasn't just playing dress up. There were bad men out there and my world would never be the same. I still wanted to go home but I finally admitted that it was mostly so I could mourn in piece and not have to worry about someone finding out who and what I was.

I walked out of that bathroom stripped of just a little more of my innocence. It had been a innocence based on fantasy but I still hurt like my skin had been stripped raw. But I was also more determined than ever to stay the course. But I was also determined to start being more smart about it. I found a steno pad in the rangers' office and started making notes of all that I would need and need to do when I got home and made a list of things that I'd need to start collecting along the way if I could figure out a way to haul them.

Towards sundown we found out why no one would really want to try and build a full time retreat there. Mosquitoes the size of a city bus, nasty little blood suckers too.

Dinner was a miserable affair and the kids were quickly whimpering. Chuckri commandeered one of the travel trailers and put his little family in there for safe keeping and comfort. The kids slowly settled down and then fell asleep with Delia to watch over them. I was barely conscious myself by then. In fact I nearly fell asleep in my bowl of rice and beans until I felt both my arms grabbed.

I come to to find Evans on one side of me and Thor on the other. "What're y'all doin'?!"

"You're about to go face first into your food Kid. We've moved a couple of the smaller trailers in a ring with the wagon, put the horses in the middle, and we'll take turns on watch."

Trying to figure out how much sleep I would be able to squeeze in while I tried to stop them from dragging me like a rag doll I asked, "Who's on guard?"

"You're not," Thor said.

"Hey, just because I … this afternoon …"

Thor just ignored me. "Evans, get Rocky inside. You and Alfonso can take the first watch. I'll be back in a minute."

I was inside and slapping at the bugs that had come in with me. "Evans, I'm not helpless or …"

"Fragile … yeah Kid. I get that. But I … well … if you want my advice you might want to give Thor a chance to explain and let the rest of 'em pay a little penance for what you went through by taking your turn at guard duty. Thor and Chuckri, they're good uns, but everybody makes mistakes. And from what Montgomery told me … well, you just give him a chance. Just don't make it too easy on him. He deserves to wallow a bit for this."

I was in no mood to put up with his version of a riddle. I tossed my bed roll out on the musty flooring and then laid down before I fell down, my mosquito flavored food forgotten once again. Sometime later I was vaguely aware of the door opening and closing and all I could think was Evans better not bring anymore in with him.

"Rochelle."

I jumped at the whisper that sounded like it was as close to my ear as the last mosquito I had killed had been.

"Will you stop that! I've told you to call me Rocky. People are going to overhear you." I told Thor angrily.

"They won't if you keep your voice down."

"My voice is down. What do you want?" I was tired and cranky and in no mood to be messed with.

"I want to explain."

"Explain what?" I grumped wanting to go back to sleep.

"I didn't mean for it to go the way it did. One, I didn't know that you'd already taken a watch on the roof and had been up there for a while. You were supposed to come down and then … well, never mind. But I fell asleep and then Richards … and the guy that was supposed to relieve you went AWOL … then when I come to and finally do get somebody up there you didn't come inside. I was going to hassle you a little and then we'd all laugh over a bowl of soup. No one realized they'd run out of dinner." I could feel him shaking his head in the dark. "Worst comedy of errors I've been a part of in a long time. It … I … I should have checked on things. Chuckri should have checked on you too. He and the other men thought I knew what was going on and wanted it that way. When you didn't complain they assumed it was some kind of #$%& # contest we were in."

Tiredly I said, "I thought I told you to forget it."

"Yeah. That's the thing. I can't. It's been a long time since I've made a mistake like that. I felt like an idiot and worse. Evans and Richards are both correct. I … I need to make this right. And no, not because they say so. And before you get bent out of shape it doesn't have anything to do with you being female … at least not much. And … and I didn't want you thinking that it had anything to do with the other either. That was a chuckleheaded thing to think … but I … I guess I can see why you would after what happened. Chuckri … belatedly like it was no big deal if you can believe that … told me about those two green freaks. It was one of the reasons I got worried when you couldn't be found."

At the light question in his voice I told him, "I was walking off my mad and looking for something to eat. Then the rain drove me to find shelter and I … I was just tired and went to sleep."

"And I'm keeping you awake again." He sighed. "Are we … are we square?"

"I told you I'd already let it go. Things are too crazy to let this kind of stuff fester. It's not your fault I just don't fit anywhere."

I was nearly asleep when he asked, "So you still plan on going home? How far away is it still?"

"Too far for you to be worried about how I'm going to get there. You're not responsible for me, I'm responsible for me. Cheer up, you won't have to put up with me messing up the mix for much longer. As soon as …" I yawned. "As soon as I see the kids settled …"

"You'll take off."

"Yeah."

"Just like that."

"I won't run out without saying goodbye if that's what you're saying; at least I don't plan to. Home is where I belong Thor. Once I get near the Smokies I'll be able to live off the land better 'cause I know the plants and the habits of the animals there. I know the turning of the seasons and I know the weather signs."

"And until then? Not to mention what if your home isn't there when you get there."

"Until then I'll put one foot in front of the other and do the best I can. And if my house isn't there for some reason I've been thinking of a few options. It would be hard to believe that anyone other than family would be able to find the place though. We're a fair piece into the sticks. Not even the revenuers ever found the place. We always had to cart things in and out to get it fixed and that sort of thing, assuming we couldn't do it ourselves. And …"

I can't remember what I was going to say because the next thing I remember is waking up at the quiet knock on the door. I sat up and saw that Thor and Evans were both awake as well. It was the start of another day.


	26. Chapter 26

_**Chapter 26**_

The miles seemed to barely crawl by giving me too much time to think. I felt guilty for not being more traumatized by what I had seen and not dreaming about it.

"Stop worrying it to death," Evans said as he dismounted at our lunch and water break. He nodded his head towards some shade where we could eat the leftovers from breakfast we'd each packed.

"Huh?" I asked trying to pretend I didn't know what he was talking about.

"Don't give me that dumb-innocent look Kid. You've been thinking so hard you got steam coming out o' your ears." Then he gave a small rather embarrassed smile. "Look, I ain't a religious man. Done things in this life … that there ain't no way I could make up fer. But when the drinking got so bad I nearly lost what little I had left I … See, there was these people … in Turkey … I watched 'em. They risked everything for the sake of seeking a different life for themselves and their families; they didn't want to live with the hate no more, the fear, and all the crap that goes with it. They have to meet in secret. A lot of the time their own families disown them if they find out. They lose everything that a normal body might consider valuable or important. But they don't stop." He shook his head. "I thought they was crazy. Made me angry too. It made me look at my own life to see if I had anything in my life that important. After a while I was just sick of how much I'd folded and given in to the life that had happened to me. It had gotten so bad I was startin' to mess up on the job and that can get you and your buddies dead in our line of work. But the booze weren't nothing but an excuse that got me where I was."

I wondered where he was going with this. It made me uncomfortable. Here I was trying to avoid more ties to get hurt with and Evans' confession and friendship was making that harder and harder.

"When I was about your age and had been on the road by myself a bit I … I fell in idiot love. It weren't real but I thought it was and maybe she did too. We were young and dumb and I was tired of being lonely and she were tired of being beat up by her ol' man and brothers. One thing I ain't never been interested in is hitting women and I guess she figured that out quick enough. Well, you can guess where that led to and we got married 'cause that is what you did when you got a girl knocked up in those days in that area. It were hard but I'd been raised hard and then a guy down at the pawn shop took a liking to me and things started looking up … or I thought they were. After the baby come I … well I was in what I thought of as heaven. That little girl, she just …" He stopped and I started having the feeling that I wasn't going to like the ending of this story.

"But Winnie … that's the girl I'd married … she started missing being young and not having any responsibilities. Annie, our baby, well she was cranky like any baby and Winnie just didn't know what to do for her. And then got tired of doing what she did know how to do. But I was working all the time and didn't see it. Winnie put on a good face when I was around which I have to admit wasn't as much as I could have been. Then Winnie started … well, finding some of the fun she thought she was missing. I found out and took it hard but stayed because I was afraid if I didn't I'd lose Annie. I loved Annie, she was the breath in my body and my reason for getting' up every day, but I learned to love wallowing in my own misery and hurt feelings more. At some point I got to be as bad as Winnie. The county people threatened to take Annie away and that scared me bad enough that I started cleaning up, but by then it was too late for my poor little girl. I was working late, trying to catch back up on the rent when my boss came in with his brother who was a deputy. There'd been an accident. Winnie hadn't wanted me to work that night, had wanted to go to a party she'd been invited to and wanted me to watch Annie so she could. But the landlord said that if we didn't get the rent caught up by the end of the week he was going to evict us and the county people said if we got evicted they were going to take Annie. Winnie couldn't see it and told me she didn't care anyway because she was tired of playing Mam, she wanted to be young and free again and said it were all my fault."

I wanted to put my hand on Evans but too many people were around though none close enough to actually hear what he was telling me. If they had bothered looking at Evans' eyes they'd seen a a nearly broken man and rushed over to see what was wrong … but nobody saw … no one but me.

"Winnie … she'd gotten mad and gone out … but not before she'd gotten drunk. She'd put Annie in her car seat but hadn't buckled the car seat in. Winnie walked away with nary a scratch from that ditch … but Annie … my little girl … she were gone just that fast. I let it destroy me. There were people whot wanted to help but I was too busy being angry and hurt. I wanted Winnie to feel as bad as I did but she wouldn't. She … I think she were relieved and that was the hardest thing of all to live with. My boss, he were a good man and told me that staying around was poisoning me and that I needed to get out, leave, find something to do with my life to give it purpose and meaning … his words. His brother hooked me up with a man he knew and I been with this crew ever since."

He sighed and then said, "And for a while things did get better but it never went away. I never let it. When I was working I was one man. If we took leave too long I was the other me. I started digging that little grave in my heart all over again. After a while it got deeper and deeper and harder and harder to climb back out of. Last time I took a drunk I … I didn't want to climb out and nearly wind up dying from alcohol poisoning. That's when I ran into them folks I was telling you about. When we got back to the states for some R&R everybody expected me to go on a bender again … and I had meant to. Stopped at this truck stop to get some gas before heading to a bar I'd heard about. But there was this trailer on the side. Called itself a trucker's chapel. Something drew me in."

He laughed but it wasn't funny. "I'd never been religious and still ain't but something happened in that place, something I cain't rightly explain in words that made sense. Didn't a drop pass my lips for a long time after that day. I'd get tempted bad but I held up, remembering that feeling, remembering Annie … until that night with the gamblers. It was only one shot and I reckon everyone thought I got into the mess I did 'cause I were drunk but I swear to you I weren't. It'd been a long time but I could still tell the booze were watered down a bit. And if I'd been drunk I couldn't have kept my head and stayed alive as long as I did."

He sighed, "Not sure why I'm telling you this except that I wanted you to know. Bad things happen to folks that don't deserve it, even little childrun. Bad things that you won't ever fergit. And it's a good thing to remember 'em so if you ever get a chance to stop it from happening to someone else you can. It won't make up for whot's already been but it might stop something else bad from bein'. But you gots ta keep yer head. You cain't let the bad things take over. If you do, you might as well as be as dead as my poor little Annie is 'cause that's all the good you'll be. And when you cain't keep going and bein' what you need to be, there's Someone bigger you can count on ter help you along. You cain't fergit that for nothing 'cause there might come a time when it'll save yore life."

He sniffed and said, "Now eat yer lunch. I ain't the brightest of the bunch but even I can tell you done had to take a notch up in yore belt and yer shirts are startin' to flap showing things maybe you'd be best not showin'."

Whew. I'd known that Evans had led a hard life but hadn't known it had that kind of heartache in it too. If anyone could tell me the truth about that part of life I knew that he could, more importantly I knew that he would because he'd always been a straight player with me. And he said things that gave me something to chew on besides the horrible pictures in my head. I grew up going to church – wouldn't Mawmaw and Granny have pitched a fit if I hadn't even if some of the kids could be mean as snakes without trying – but it had been a while since I had done anything but take that for granted. Remembering some of the things that I'd heard growing up helped 'cause I trusted who they'd come from.

By that night I was in a better place in my head. Still didn't feel like going to a party but I didn't feel like digging a grave either. After our buggy night in Clinton State Park there was some debate before camping the next night at Douglas State Lake. I had a nightmare but it was the old one where Evans was sick and had his feet soaking in blood. I woke up watching him more carefully and it did seem that he was more tired. But then again we all were and so long as he was on the horse I never saw him stumble.

That day we picked up the pace and made thirty solid miles to stay in a little place called Aubry, Kansas that was near the Kansas/Missouri border. The only reason we could do it was because the road was fairly clear and because I found a bicycle that kept me from having to walk the whole way.

Things were better in the crew, Thor and I were square and the memory of the pyres was easing for everyone. Evans took his role as "elder" seriously and did his part to get the men chuckling over some memory or other. But at the same time we were all tense and getting more so. We were skirting closer to Kansas City and no one was too happy about that.

We needn't have worried … or worried about what we were worried about anyway. The smell coming off KC was like a charnel house. I didn't even want to know how many dead there had to be to make a smell that big even miles outside of the city proper. It hung like a pall on everything and even the animals sensed it. Trish and Mickey were both subdued and seemed to shrink for a bit. I saw Chuckri and Delia doing what they could but some things it's hard to protect kids from. And even if I might have tried something different I knew it wasn't my place. They were building a family and putting my hand in it wouldn't have been right. So I just watched and did a bit of praying that things would turn out all right.

No one slept good that night. We didn't have any choice, we were going to have to cut up the east side of Kansas City to make our way to Independence, Missouri. I also noticed in particular that Chuckri was starting to get a desperate look on his face. All the men kept looking at him. If I'd been him that would have driven me nuts.

Finally I went to Thor – Evans was occupied with some story or other trying to cheer Richards up – and tried to find out what was going on.

"What do you think Kid? Independence is practically in east Kansas City and Buckner not too far away from that."

"OK, it looks bad. But he don't know for sure it's bad yet. Why is everyone acting like it absolutely has to be instead of thinking that it might not be?"

"Good Lord you're young," he said shaking his head. "Kid, the odds are …"

I interrupted saying, "The odds would say that none of us should have survived or maybe survived this far. The odds are probably that some of us are going to kick off during this winter. But I don't see anyone letting those odds beat 'em down."

Suddenly a rider behind me popped me in the head and I turned to see Chuckri. But instead of angry he was smiling. "You tell 'em Kid. No need to bury the bodies before we find out if they need it or not. Now come on and help me clear this mess out of the road so we can get the wagon by."

That day was definitely not to become one of the highlights of my memories but we all survived it. The smell got so bad at one point that it was sticky on the back of your throat. We all put bandanas or scarves or whatever we had over our noses and mouths. It helped with the worst of it but never did cut it completely.

We crossed into Missouri almost without knowing about it. Kansas City straddled the state line so tightly that there almost wasn't room for a road sign to tell you that you'd left one and entered the other. We made it into Independence as it was getting late but it was a haunted place. There had been rioting there the same as in KC and Chuckri finally had the kids lay down in the wagon and not look around at all. Corpses and … bits and pieces of unmentionable things … lay all over. It also looked like most of the goods from the inside of buildings had been tossed outside. Fire took out a good portion of east KC and kept going. Chuckri said it must have engulfed the Truman Sports Complex because it and a good portion of I435 simply didn't exist anymore.

Now, in addition to the corpse smell, we had to deal with the smell of old smoke. But it got too dark to go any further and the animals were starting to balk. Best we were able to do was to get to the Truman historic site and we spent the night all together in one of the old buildings.

"Kid, I'd meant to get give you more time off guard rotation but …"

I told Thor, "I didn't ask to be taken off."

"No, but you know why I did."

"Yeah and … I appreciate the thought. But if you need me on it's not going to undo all that you did before."

So that night I took a rotation with Evans. We went on at 0300 but by 0400 everyone was awake but the kids and wanting to leave. I had to walk the bike until the sun come up well enough to see and occasionally I'd step on things that had me trying to hold back a gag.

We were in Buckner by lunchtime. The closer we got to Chuckri's house the more upset he became. When we got there and saw how badly the neighborhood was we all knew that there was no chance his family would still be there. We all tried to stop Chuckri from going in the house but he rushed in too fast. It looked like a bomb had gone off in there and he came out and just sat in the yard and cried.

None of the men knew what to do for him but they still sat with him. He was the first to really be faced with the reality of what the world had done to his family. I felt like an outsider. I thought maybe if I could find some pictures or something for him in all of the mess that it would help down the road.

It was horrible walking through that house. It had definitely been vandalized before it had been ransacked. It wasn't quite as bad back in the two rooms that must have belonged to his kids but still a lot of stuff was obviously missing. Closets and drawers had been cleaned out, belongings were missing, same in the bathrooms. Then I looked at it again. Sure the rooms had been vandalized but it looked like they'd been cleaned out first. That's when I saw that not all of the graffiti was done by the vandals.

I looked out the door to see everyone still. I hated to disturb them, hated that I might be wrong. But what if I was right and didn't say anything.

"Chuckri …"

"Kid …" Thor growled.

I ignored him. "Chuckri … what does hayr mean? Is it Armenian?"

In a gruff voice he said, "Father."

Ignoring the other men who were ready to pummel me I asked, "What about Ludvig?"

Chuckri lifted his head and said, "That's my brother's name. Why?"

"Something was … I think something was … written on the wall in the boy's room. It … I don't know … it kind of looks like a note but it's in crayon and I can't …"

Chuckri pushed me down running into the house. Evans looked at me, "Hope you know what you're doing Kid."

It wasn't but a second before Chuckri was running back out of the house. "Saddle up! We've got to go."

Thor grabbed him and stopped him, "Chuckri …"

But Chuckri wrenched free. "My son. It was him. He left me a note. My brother came to get them. Made my ex leave the city. They were heading to my Uncle's place in Waterloo. I'm not going to give up, not until I know for sure."

We all loaded up and headed out. Thor had to keep calling Chuckri back. "Listen Man, I know you want to get to this place as quick as you can but if you don't slow down someone is bound to get hurt, and if not one of us the animals or the wagon. We'll do our best to get there but we'll do it together and in one piece."


	27. Chapter 27

_**Chapter 27**_

I was jittering worse than that time I was idiot enough to take the bet that I couldn't drink three of those energy drinks one right after the other. It was early days and I wanted to belong so bad I made a bad choice. The things tasted disgusting, the reaction I had to them was worse. I think that was the only time my dad really doubted that I should be playing football. He told me if I was going to give into peer pressure just to be part of something then he'd find me something more constructive to do with my time and that what I had done was idiotic, dangerous and a whole slew of other things. I am taller than Dad was by a couple of inches but I swear I felt about two feet tall by the time he was done reading me the riot act that night after he came in from the fields and found out what I had done. But I did learn my lesson; I was sick as a dog for two days but the first one was the worst. I felt like I was trying to crawl out of my own skin. I couldn't stop shaking for love or money. My dad called the special docs I saw because I was a GWB and they said to bring me in. Oh brother, after Dad got done the doc started in on me and told me it was likely only my size that kept me from needing to be in the hospital and that if he ever caught me doing something like that again he'd yank my eligibility faster than I could beg forgiveness. I swear I was afraid to drink a coke for rest of the year.

I learned the hard way that size of body does not indicate strength of common sense and that I was apparently just as prone as the next person to do something dumb on occasion. And now I was praying that I hadn't done something dumb and made things worse for Chuckri. I mean sure, he and I'd had rough spots but on the other hand he was the first one that gave me any kind of chance when I first started with Thor's crew. I knew I had to say something about the childish crayon scrawl I found but at the same time if it turned out to be bad anyway I was going to kick myself for not leaving well enough alone.

No one talked much as we rode along. The men would take turns riding up beside Chuckri, offering silent support but the horse he rode didn't care for the bicycle much and between not wanting to get kicked, not knowing if I even had a place in his support group, and worrying that I was only making things worse I stayed back and just watched.

"There should be people. There should be something by now," I told Evans as we passed through a little town called Napoleon. I was anxious and couldn't help worrying.

"Didja notice the buildings?"

"Yeah, they're all empty."

"Yeah, they are." I looked at him and then looked at the buildings more closely finally realizing that they were empty but in a neat kind of way compared to KC and other places we'd been through. Like they'd been cleaned out; not ransacked, but cleaned out. All of the buildings looked like that. Then I noticed that some attempt had been made to get any dangerous mess out of the way, most of it piled up neatly here and there. Evans said, "Someone's done a good job here. Organized. Must be a group of decent size too for them to have done all of this."

Chuckri stopped and we all stopped with him. "We've got to go through town, cross the tracks, and then towards the river. It's not the best land around but my uncle bought it cheap and owns it free and clear and that is saying something for an immigrant's kid who came to this country with barely the clothes on his back." He was obviously proud of what his uncle had accomplished.

We rode following Chuckri's lead. As soon as we crossed the tracks the road got rough. I noticed the other men slowing, even Chuckri. I biked over to Evans and asked, "What's wrong? What's up with the spooky dudes attitude."

"Too quiet," he muttered under his breath. "No people, no animals, nothin', but no vandalism or ransacking either. This don't fit with what we've seen so far."

Once I started to pay attention I saw it and felt like an idiot for not noticing it earlier. Had I been at home I would have felt the difference but out here … I made a note to myself to be more aware of my surroundings.

I gave myself a good mental kick in the pants then pedaled up near Thor to ask him if he wanted me to go a little forward. I had no sooner got there than a shot rang. I felt my arm go numb and then it wasn't numb no more as I crashed. Thor's horse reared and I tried to roll out of the way. Everyone else was dismounting and looking for cover that didn't exist.

I rolled over into a ditch in time to see someone barreling in this direction. I almost shot him until I realized he was a little on the short side to be a bad guy.

"Dad!"

Well, since I knew he wasn't talking to me and the fact that Chuckri practically ran over me to get to the kid I figured he must be one of the missing kidlets.

The kid was hysterical and blathering so much and so fast that I only caught a word in three. Lucky for me it was in English so what I got made sense once I was able to string it together. Friends of his mothers had shown up as they were leaving town and "escorted" them out of the danger zone. Everything had been fine for a couple of weeks but when Chuckri's uncle wouldn't take their suggestions about how to farm without scaring the earth and being vegan and all the trouble started. And when the family had flat refused to include pagan nature worshiping activities into their lives things fell apart quickly. The family was basically enslaved with the children being held to make sure they behaved and did as they were told. It was psychological war rather than a truly physical one. Only when the adults tried to revolt a cousin had been murdered and another badly wounded.

They – the ones that had come in with his mother – had been trying to brainwash the children and it was working with the youngest ones but the older ones were having none of it. When they'd spotted riders the older kids had made their move covering for one of their number to escape to warn the incoming riders, they just hadn't known who it was.

"Dad, you've got to get 'em. They hurt Uncle Lud bad. And … and they hit grandmother because she won't stop praying. You've got to …" Chuckri hugged his son, kissed him and handed him off to Delia.

"David, listen to me. You stay here. This is Delia … she … she and I ..." I could see him struggling.

I broke in. "Hey … David, right? How many are there and where are they? I owe somebody for this arm and I'd like to get it done before it starts hurting too bad."

That broke the weird tension and about that time Thor made it over to our position despite the bullets that continued to fly.

"Kid …" he said after getting a look at me.

"Not now Thor. You can have your horse thank me later for saving it from getting shot," I told him trying to grin though I'm not sure it worked by the look on his face.

In the middle of battle things seem to go slow and fast at the same time. Really I don't remember what happened except in flashes. There wasn't the worry that we'd hurt Chuckri's family because they'd been locked into the a shed that doubled as a root cellar and the children were in a different location on the back of the property. Anyone shooting at us would be fair game.

Those men and women were nothing but bullies. They were dangerous but not well trained. There was no way they stood any significant chance against a well trained crew that had been together as long as the men had. I did my share but it was from the outside. Delia was in charge of the kids and I was supposed to help her but I wanted to do more than that.

I had to do something. I couldn't just sit around waiting for the pain in my arm to totally make me useless. "David," I started. "If I can get up in that tree what would I see?"

"The house and stuff like that," he answered giving me a look that told me he wasn't too sure he cared for me much.

Ignoring the look since I'd seen it from little kids more than once I said, "Sure, but could I see any of the places the bad guys are hiding behind?"

He started to shrug while searching for his father but then looked at me and slowly grinned. "Yeah. Yeah I think you can."

He wanted to climb up there with me but I asked him – "man to man" – if he would take over looking after Delia and Trish and Mickey. He nodded, not fooled but seeming to appreciate the effort anyway so that he could save face.

Getting up that tree was no fun. The bullet had only barely got me through the meaty part of my arm in a quick in and out and didn't even have much velocity when it did. It had been more of a lucky shot than a good or deliberate one. But it was definitely screaming at me that I was an idiot to do anything more than crawl up into a ball and cry like a baby. I told my appendage too bad, that I had work to do and suddenly found myself high up in the tree without remembering doing the actually climbing part.

I got set and then pulled the same tricks I did when I had been on the roof. One of the things that I had picked up when Chuckri and I were getting ammo was a good scope. A good scope can make a mediocre rifle into something better than it was ever meant to be. My shoulder and arm let out a yelp every shot I took but I still hit what I was aiming at thanks to how tight that scope brought the targets in. And I intentionally did what I wasn't sure the men could have or would have done. I went after the female shooters.

When it was over with, and it didn't take that long despite my description of it, the small farm was a mess. I wasn't the only one that took a hit on our side. Chuckri had to have a dressing put on his rib cage, Alfonso had to have some gravel dug out of his arm from a ricochet, and Evans had taken another knock on the head by a woman who'd run out of bullets and attacked him with a piece of 2x4. None of us felt like dancing with the fools who had switched from being dangerous bullies to pleading for their miserable lives to whining like the scum they were all in the space of a few minutes.

"You … you killed the women!" one of the women I hadn't shot screeched. Of course she was screaming at the wrong people but I wasn't about to explain that to her. It would make me sound like some kind of serial killer or something.

"Shut up Linda," Chuckri said with this kind of nonchalant rage I'd never seen anyone use before. Guess who Linda was? As she continued spewing acid I began to wonder if it was a good thing I hadn't shot her after all.

After one such long stream of foulness I had finally had enough and turned on her. My arm was really singing and I'd had just about all I could take. "Will you shut your oversized yap already? If you haven't got the sense to realize what a complete fool you are making of yourself could you at least show a little compassion for your poor kids? You're a traitor, an embarrassment, and a poor excuse for a human. So shut it or you are going to find out I could care less what your gender is. Find some manners or find yourself shut up by me."

I said the last as I got down in her space and gave her the same face that Freight Train Charbonneau used to give the big boys that thought she was easy to intimidate. She backed up so fast she fell on her backside and then she tried the poor pathetic route.

"Forget it," I told her before any of the men could get taken in. "Crocodile tears mean nothing in this world any more. Your actions are what tell a person's story and yours isn't pretty, neither are you anymore. Your silliness and vanity may have paid your way before but they won't get you anything these days except maybe pain and death."

I was starting to freak a few people out, including a couple of our men and after a look from both Evans and Thor I stopped, but only grudgingly. Linda managed to push all of my buttons without even trying. I had my own hang ups it's true and since I was having a hard time differentiating between whether it was my hang ups or her actions or the fact that my arm was throbbing like mad that was causing my oversized reaction I decided it would be the best thing to just stay away from her. Her calling me an ugly freak as I walked away pushed a few more and it took a lot to ignore her. To play it safe I stood near Evans as Richards was bandaging his head.

There had been a tussle to get the last of the bad guys who were using the little kids as hostages but the older kids inside wound up beating the snot out of them with chairs and anything else they could get their hands on once they knew they had adult support waiting to come in and help. Some help. Thor actually had to take the weapons away from some of the kids and carry them out so they wouldn't have to live with murder on their hands. I heard him mutter, "Buncha little feral chimps." I nearly laughed as he tried to peel kids off of him; they clung to him like burrs. The last couple wouldn't let go until they recognized Chuckri at which point the look on Thor's face said he lost an eardrum to the squeals of the little girl that had grabbed hold of his neck with a death grip.

At the same time the surviving adults in Chuckri's family were set free from the shed and it was like being in the middle of a bunch of geese having a family reunion. Half of them weren't speaking English, the other half were, there was crying and carrying on, there was laughter and pounding of backs. I'd never seen such a noisy love fest.

It was a long time settling down. As soon as I made sure Evans was comfortable and minding Richards who had his hands full with all of the injuries minor and not so minor I headed over to call Delia and in with Trish and Mickey. She drove the wagon while I gathered up the horses and as it was still too chaotic for me to feel comfortable – not to mention I was trying to avoid Richards and his poking – I went back out and started picking up casings.

"Hey! Hey! You … big guy!"

I turned to see a much younger version of Chuckri walking towards me. Since I knew this couldn't be his son I waited for him to introduce himself. David was eleven and his little girl was about Mickey's age.

"Yo … that giant dude, the one Uncle Tavit calls Thor, is looking for you."

"Tavit?"

He looked at me like he was beginning to wonder if I was mentally slow. "Yeah. He works with you and …"

"Oh," I laughed. "You mean Chuckri. I've never heard him called anything else."

The kid … well, he wasn't much younger than me so I felt weird calling him that … smiled and said, "You call Chuckri and more than half of us will turn around." He held out his hand, "I'm Taniel. Ludvig Chuckri is my dad."

"Oh. I was beginning to wonder. You look a lot like Chu … uh … your uncle."

He laughed, "Which one? My dad is the oldest, then there are a couple of aunts, then Uncle Tavit, after him another aunt, and then my uncles Tovmas, Soghomon, and Pilbos. Uncle Pilbos is about your age I guess but the others are all older than us. Come on, Uncle Bedros wants to say a blessing for the day and good fortunes and he doesn't like waiting."

As we walked I asked him, "Who is Uncle Bedros?"

"My grandfather's brother. My grandfather passed a couple of years ago but you'll meet my grandmother. When she gets a good look at you she'll probably put you to work in the field pulling the mules."

I laughed because it is the kind of thing my own grandmother would have said to a young man my age and size. I walked up and into Thor's bad mood. "Where were you?"

Rather than do something that might start an argument that would embarrass us both I started emptying my pockets and forcing him to juggle all of the empty casings that I'd been picking up. As I kept trying to hand them to him even though his hands were now full Taniel walked away trying not to smile.

Thor sighed then shook his head. "Next time tell someone and I won't chew you out."

I said, "Oh, were you? 'Cause you just asked where I was and …"

"Kid …" Thor said warningly.

"All right Rocky, think he's got the picture," Evans said drawing my attention. All the good feeling I had went away with one look at his face.

"Evans!"

"Aw, get off me Kid. It's just a bump." It was a bump all right, there was a goose egg shaped swelling above his eye that was so big it deformed his hairline. His skin had that nasty gray shade to it that I'd started to associate with his bad turns and I could see when he stood still he kind of listed to the side. Regardless of what he said he let me pull up a chair for him to sit in under a tree then told me, "Now you listen, this ought to be good. He looks like someone whot can give a good sized and powerful prayer."

I looked up to see a man that was some shorter than I was and very lean and wiry looking. His eyes were black and could have been forbidding but somehow they weren't. And Evans was right, the man certainly did know how to pray. The words weren't fancy, the sentences were long, but they seemed to be packed with a lot of feeling and power.

I looked at Evans with a smile and he said, "What'd I tell ya. Knew he had it in him. Now I don't need no nursemaid. Go on. Git. Do what Thor tells you to and stay o' trouble until I'm feeling better. Ya hear?"

I laughed, "I hear. And you're one to talk about staying out of trouble, look what you got into when my back was turned."

"Aw pshaw," he snorted back at me, laughing a bit.

I turned and saw Thor staring at me with a funny look on his face. I walked over, "Well, what now?"

Instead of answering he asked, "What's with you and Evans?"

"Huh?" I turned around and saw Evans talking to the man that had to be Uncle Bedros.

He glowered at me and explained, "You two sure are getting on."

I shrugged, "We watch each other's back. What am I not even allowed to be friends with any of your crew?" I meant it to be sarcastic but I guess part of me was starting to wonder and it must have shown on my face.

"Friends."

I swallowed, "Well … I guess … I guess not," I whispered trying not to sound like he'd hurt my feelings again. I backed up and turned away as Chuckri came up with some other men that all looked like him enough for me to know they were either brothers or nephews.

Evans didn't like me to hover but I couldn't just stand around doing nothing. No sooner would I stand still than my arm would call for me to notice it more than I wanted to and Thor's words would start eating at me. I decided to go over and start picking up limbs and stuff that had fallen in the yard which was a real mess. I'd never seen a yard lot look as messy as this one did. My family made a habit of picking stuff up anytime anything fell and putting it in the wood pile; even my grandmothers did it that way.

A little girl, maybe six or seven, came up to me and said sharply, "You aren't supposed to do that."

"Why?" I asked her surprised.

"Because of nature."

I was thinking what the heck when David came over and patted the little girl and said, "Remember, we talked about this."

In a bossy tone she retorted, "But Momma said …"

"I know what Momma said," David said carefully. "But …"

The little girl was having none of it and started to pitch a fit, egged on by her mother and the other weirdos we'd freed the Chuckri family from.

Kinda out of left field I through out, "You know, if Adam and Eve hadn't eaten that apple we wouldn't be in this fix."

The little girl stood there with her mouth hanging open thinking maybe the big guy in front of her had head problems. I shrugged. "They disobeyed God and got into something they weren't supposed to so He kicked 'em out of the Garden and said, 'From here on out you are going to have to work for everything you get in this life.' He said that we'd have to deal with thorns and all sorts of bothersome things. I reckon that's why he has the limbs fall from the trees too. It gives us something to do besides sit around whining about stuff."

All the while I was saying this I was getting catcalls and worse from the prisoners, one in particular had a nasty mouth. I'd been called a freak too many times in my life for it to bother me very often but when he said it I was fast losing my patience. I looked over and there was a handy dandy hook on the side of the barn about five feet off the ground. Sometimes I'm not a very nice person.

I walked over and picked the guy up from where he'd been sitting on the gound, bearing the weight on my uninjured arm. Irritated enough to not care that my other arm wasn't happy with me at all I told him, "Here's a wedgie man … they build character" right as I none too gently hung him by his britches on that hook. Reckon it creased him pretty good in a tender spot because he commenced to howling pretty loudly.

Then I turned and stepped out of range of being kicked and turned to the kids and said, "Now see here? This man is what you call a hypocrite. He claims to be a vegetarian and not believe in killing animals but just look at him, claiming to be all humble and junk. That belt is a good quality one and made of leather. Everyone here knows where leather comes from?" They all did. "That's right. Now look at his shoes, those are expensive leather cowboy boots if I ever saw a pair. And if he really was a peace loving sort like they're trying to play at I don't guess he would have treated your family the way he did or take shots at us."

The little girl was still hanging onto what her Momma said so I bent down and said. "Look Sweet Pea, I know you love your Momma but was it very nice of her to try and hurt your Daddy?"

That really flipped her switch. "Daddy left us!"

"Excuse me Shorty but if I have the timeline down right your Momma knew what your Daddy did for a living when they met and married. He put his life in danger to make sure that you and your brother had a free country to live in and a roof over your head."

"Rocky!" Chuckri came over with a snarl.

"Hey man, I know you don't want me upsetting your kid but do you think it is any better for her to believe some lie told to her?" Before he could stop me I turned around and told David and his little sister, "Your father survived bombs, bandits, and bullets with the only goal of getting to you all. It is what kept him going and he talked about getting to you guys as soon as we could. When we finally did make it to your other house and you weren't there and he thought the worst had happened he just fell down in the yard and started howling like his heart was broke into a bazillion pieces. David, the only thing that reached him was when your note was seen. It gave him hope and we came lickety split here. He loves you two just that much. In fact, he loves you so much that it made his heart big enough that he met these two little kids that didn't have parents anymore and a woman that had a heart ache of her own and he's made room for her too. Stop believing what everyone else is telling you to believe and just give him a chance and take the time to get to know him again."

It was David that asked, "Those two kids with that woman over there?"

"Yep. The girl is named Trish and the little boy is named Mickey. Their parents never came home after the bombs fell and they don't have any family left. Trish took care of her brother for months by herself but as you can imagine since you have a younger sibling it wasn't easy."

"And that woman?" he asked.

"Her name is Delia and she and your dad have gotten to be real close. Kinda the opposite of what happened between your dad and mom. I know it's bound to be confusing on top of everything else."

David sounding way too old for his age said, "No. Mom had a lot of boyfriends all the time. She explained it to us already."

"Er … um … well … uh … don't think that is quite … uh …," I turned. "Chuckri!"

He sighed and cross his arms the best he could in spite of his ribs, "So now you expect me to rescue you?"

I realized I'd way over stepped my place and I tried to look contrite but couldn't quite pull it off. Suddenly David laughed at me. "You're funny. I'm not stupid. Delia is Dad's girlfriend. But Dad never had girlfriends so he must really like Delia. It's cool. I told Dad last year he needed to get a girlfriend since Mom had boyfriends."

'David!" Chuckri was turning red with embarrassment.

"You know, I knew there was something about you I liked," I told David. "Now if we can just get your sister to give your dad a chance."

"Oh, she will. She always comes around. Don't you Vika?"

The little girl's bottom lip started to quiver, "It was scary and Stupid ran away and didn't come back like he said his would. Daddy wasn't there either. He should have been there. He should have." Then she started to cry and Chuckri scooped her up.

I asked David, "Who's Stupid? A dog?"

David snickered, "Mom's boyfriends. I kept forgetting all their names so I just started calling them Stupid when no one was around. Vika heard me one time and then she started doing it too. Mom didn't care, sometimes she would call them that too."

I mean, what do you say to something like that? From a ten year old? It sure didn't say much for their mother in my opinion but that was something else that was none of my business. I'd put my foot into it just about as far as I could get away with and probably some beyond that.

I got out of the way and let them do the family thing. To get out of the way I had to pass by the weirdoes and I began to be able to separate them. Most of them were just the weak go along types. Of these some were blustering and some just looked in shock and defeated. Then you had the angry ones that were fanatics and willing to fight about and over what they believed in. But there were a couple whose behavior warned me they were well and truly dangerous. It was debatable whether they truly believed in the same things as their comrades but they believed in something. These were the ones that would willingly become cannon fodder; these were the recruiters and the ones that sent them to battle, who designed the acts of terror at some level.

Whenever the GWB thing would make it to the mainstream media every couple of years these were the ones that would go on television and sound so reasonable about how we were mistakes that shouldn't be encouraged, how we needed to be watched so we didn't pollute the gene pool with our unnaturalness, blood, how it might even be safer and better if we were put into a camp (for our own good), and lots of other stuff like that. Some of these people had the ears of people in government and in the medical community because when I was about eleven they made a rule that the GWBs couldn't donate blood and that all of our tissues and fluids were to be considered toxic waste and had to be disposed of separately from normal human hospital waste.

They reminded me of the fanatics that joined Hitler's movement and picked out portions of the world's population for annihilation. Singly they were bad enough but I counted five in this group plus they had all of their underling idiots to support their power base. One woman in particular gave me the heebies and she kept watching me as I continued to pick up limbs and right all of the overturned stuff in the yard.

A guttural whisper said, "I know you from some place."

I did my best to ignore her and walk away. "As soon as I figure it out you and I will have a little … talk."

Linda added, "Yeah, you just wait until the rest of us get …" The woman knocked into Linda hard. I pretended I hadn't been paying attention to what she'd said but my head was spinning.

Lucky for me Thor bellowed for me so I made my escape without having to be sneaky about it.

"Yeah?" I asked him tiredly. My arm was next to useless by that time and was well and truly throbbing enough that it was draining my energy.

"Has Richards looked at that arm?"

"Yeah." I was being polite because I didn't have the energy to get into a snapping contest. Bad move on my part because it let Thor know that I was worse off than I wanted to let on about.

"OK Kid. Off your feet for a spell."

"What? Wait … no … I'm fine."

I got a cocked eyebrow. "Don't try and bluff this one out."

I whispered under my breath, "Act like you're mad at me."

"What?" He said it loud enough that we got a few looks.

"Yeah, go with that," I continued under my breath. "Look like you're angry with me and then point over to the wagon and get behind it so we can talk without anyone hearing."

He looked like he was all out of patience but he did what I asked and we wound up behind the wagon. "Now you want to tell me what this stupid display was about? You thinking about taking off right this second or something?"

"Stow it Thor. Look, this is going to sound nuts so just let me say it and then you can decide. I pick out about five of those greenies to be high up in the food chain. I can't explain how I know just that I've met people like them before and those five are the real deal in contrast to the rest of them." I told him which ones I was talking about, especially the woman and what she'd said to me. "That Linda … Chuckri's ex … well she said that basically we'd be in for it when their other friends get … get something. I'm not sure but I thought she might mean get here. The other woman sure tried to shut her up without me noticing and I played like I hadn't heard. For some reason most of them seem to think I'm a few fries short of a Happy Meal."

Straight faced Thor said, "I can't imagine why."

"Thor …" I stopped and hated myself for what I said next. "Thor … please … if I have to beg I will. Those five are dangerous with a capital D. I'm not freaked out. I'm not being a baby. Those people … or people just like them … killed my parents. Premeditated murder just because of what I am, what the rest of us were. Please, I can't stand the idea of them starting their movement back up, not at the further expense of Chuckri's family. Please."

"Hey," he said quietly. "Take it easy Kid. It's OK. No need to be scared."

"I'm not scared … OK, maybe I am … but with good reason and …"

A voice caught us both by surprise. "What do you mean at the expense of my family … and what are you exactly that would get your family killed?"

Chuckri and Alfonso stood there looking suspicious and I knew that things were about to get messy.


	28. Chapter 28

_**Chapter 28**_

Thor tried to bluff it out but I shook my head. "Forget it. Thanks for the effort though. I told you when I fulfilled my promise to the kids that I was going to hit the road. I've never said I would do anything else than that." I was so tired. My arm was hurting, my head was hurting, now my heart was hurting. I really wasn't prepared for what I knew was likely coming. But it was time to man up … er … woman up.

"I … oh brother … I don't even know how to say any of this without making a mess of it," I said horribly afraid I was only going to make everything worse.

"Try being honest. Thor said you'd been lying about something all along. All of us could tell there was something." Chuckri wasn't going to be put off. Now that it was time I didn't want to be put it off but I didn't know how to start. Oh well, start at the beginning I told myself.

"Either of you guys remember what first got the green freaks registered as domestic terrorists? Not just the individuals but the entire group?"

Alfonso nodded, "Yeah, that was that medication tampering case. Why?"

"OK, but do you remember what …"

"The Green War," corrected Chuckri. "The medication tampering was just part of it."

I nodded, still very uncomfortable. "You remember what the result of the medication tampering was?"

Alfonso said, "Sure, all those retarded kids got born."

I winced. That was the stereotype that nearly everyone seemed to remember. As I tried to fish around for a way to say it Chuckri shook his head. "They weren't all retarded but most of them had something genetically wrong with them. I thought they all died."

That was ironic. I opened my mouth but it was another voice that everyone heard. A woman's voice said, "Tavit, be nice. The children were called GWBs … Green War Babies … and most of them were not mentally challenged in the least unless it was already a predisposition in their family genetic makeup. Many of them did have some kind of genetic anomaly but roughly half of them looked perfectly normal. Many of the severely challenged children died before they were five years of age. Every year some would pass away but there were fewer deaths each year as the weaker ones either outgrew their weakness through therapy, or new therapies were found, or defects were surgically corrected."

The woman had the kindest deep brown eyes I've ever seen. "My name is Elsapet. You're eighteen aren't you?"

She was older than Chuckri by a few years but she wore them well. I nodded.

"Forgive my brother, he doesn't know."

I was embarrassed. "He doesn't need my forgiveness. If anything it is the other way around. I haven't been honest. I hid what I was … am."

"Hmmm," she said. I wasn't sure what it meant but she wasn't laughing at me or being unkind despite her smile and the humor that lit her face. I thought she knows but Evans showed up. He looked bad. I mean as bad as I'd ever seen him. And there was something about his face that scared me.

I went to go to him but Chuckri grabbed my arm and spun me around. "Are you telling me that you're one of them GWBs?!"

"Keep your voice down," I told him. "Why do you think Thor and I were talking away from those weirdoes."

"Tavit …" Elsapet said reproachfully.

"Enough." Talk about your chauvinism coming out. "This boy is endangering out entire family … or what is left of it. You expect me to just …"

"Tavit," she said again, this time sternly. "You are going to regret your tone brother."

Chuckri took a deep breath and said, "I meant no disrespect to you Elsapet. I know you are very protective of children but this boy is …"

"Tavit …" she tried to start again but Evans finally broke in.

"That's it," he slurred. "I'm not standing for this nonsense no more." He stepped into Chuckri's personal spaced and poked him in the chest with his finger and said, "You touch my little girl and I rip you #$% head off. Come on Annie, we don't need them."

I was in shock. Everyone one was in shock. He turned around and grabbed my arm to pull me but wound up stumbling and then as he went down grabbing his head.

"Evans!" I caught him as he went down, going to the ground with him when my arm screamed at the abuse.

"No sass girl. I mean it. And no reason you can't go back to calling me Pap now that they know." His voice grew weaker and weaker until he was silent and unconscious after his last word.

"Richards!" I screamed forgetting to modulate my voice to make it sound more male. Elsapet bent over and was lifting Evans' eye lids and examining him closely. Richard showed up and dropped down. And together with Elsapet they took him from my arms and then laid him on the ground.

"Come on Rocky," Thor said as he tried to life me up but I shook him off. He bent down and gently … for him anyway … told me, "Come on Kid, give them some room to work. I know you want to help but right now you're in the way."

I finally let him help me up. I was shaking. I couldn't help it. "He called me Annie," I whispered to no one in particular.

Thor asked quietly, "You know who Annie is?"

I nodded my head. "He … he told me. It was after … after … those girls. He was trying to explain that bad things just sometimes happened and … Oh Lord, what's wrong? Why would he call me by her name?"

No one answered me. Instead Chuckri and Alfonso looked at me in shock. "Yeah … why would he call you by a girl's name?"

I swallowed, really not wanting to pay attention to anything but what was happening down on the ground. "I … I hadn't gotten to that part yet."

Elsapet looked up and said, "Be gentle brother or you will become very unhappy."

I just shook my head. "Not his fault. None of it is his fault or the others either. I didn't mean for anyone to know."

Alfonso looking at me like I had three heads asked, "Want us to know what … exactly?"

As I watched Evans' face get even grayer than it was before I said, "My name really is Rocky Charbonneau and I really did play football in highschool. And yes, I'm really a GWB. As a matter of fact, I'm the last GWB. The very last. The rest are dead. The … the greenies … or someone dressed like them … they came to our … we … we were having a … a party … all of us that had lived to see eighteen. In San Francisco … they … they gassed everybody … except for me and … and my best friend …" I looked at Thor. "I can't do this again. I … I can't." I wasn't sure whether it was telling the story that I couldn't do or whether it was watching someone else I cared about die. Because that is what was happening.

Richards must have heard me because he said, "He's just unconscious Rocky. We're going to take him to the house and make sure he is stable. Chuckri's sister is a doctor."

"Researcher," she corrected.

"Researcher, doctor … either way you have more knowledge than I do."

She bowed her head at his compliment and even though I tried to help I was waived off as Montgomery and Barkley came up with an improvised stretcher. Richards stopped me and then looked at Thor. "Keep her out here for a while. I need to see how Evans is going to react when he regains consciousness. I want to keep him as calm as possible."

Thor looked at me like he expected me to fight about it. I asked, "Richards?"

"Rocky, we'll do everything we can."

"Yeah, I know that … just … just if he acts upset or something … tell him it didn't bother me. Being called Annie. He's always looked after me … you know?" Richards nodded in understanding.

"Kid?" Thor was asking without asking if I was OK. I didn't know what to tell him.

I must have been standing around zoning longer than I thought because when I turned back around all of them men were there and a few of Chuckri's family as well.

"Come to stare at the freak?" I muttered under my breath and turned and found myself nearly face to face with a young man roughly my size.

He smiled and I saw that he may have looked a whole lot like Chuckri but he had his Aunt Elsapet's eyes. "Hi. My name is Pilbos."

"Uh … hi."

"So what's the story or are you going to leave us hanging?"

I just looked at him. "C'mon. So your name is Rocky but you're a girl. Doesn't compute for me. What about the rest of you?" he asked looking at two other young men.

"Pilbos," they said warningly at the same time.

I shook my head trying to clear it. "No, it's OK. I've been called Rocky my whole life. It really is what I answer to best of anything. Even the doctors and nurses that delivered me called me that. It was a joke. I don't think they meant it to be mean. No one at the time really knew how … how true it was going to be." I shrugged. "On my birth certificate it says Rochelle … Rochelle Ghislaine Charbonneau. But … please, just call me Rocky. It's always fit me better."

"And the football stuff," he started with a wicked gleam in his eyes. "You … you wouldn't have just happened to play for the Cavaliers would you?"

I turned around and really looked at him for the first time. "Oh great," I sighed. "Tell me I didn't flatten a friend of yours or something like that."

He snickered, "Our coach was having kittens when you guys made state last year. He hated you."

"I'm honored I'm sure," I said not knowing what else to say.

The lunatic just laughed. "No … seriously. It was great. I mean really great. You got me a date with Margaret Hanley because I stuck up for you."

I looked at Thor not quite sure what to make of what was happening. Apparently his older brothers were used to Pilbos turning strange as they both looked like they wanted to drop him down a deep hole some place.

"I'm Tovmas. Please ignore our baby brother. He was dropped too often on his head."

"Yeah … I'm sensing that." That only made Pilbos laugh harder.

"See! I told you. She could kick butt! Freight Train ruled the field."

Now it was my turn to want to crawl in a hole. "I didn't rule the field. I got knocked on my can plenty of times. Cut it out. I know you're … well I … I guess you're trying to be nice … but I've got enough problems without you bringing up a past that is dead and buried," and then I paused and it came out before I could stop it, "… just like everything else in my life."

That shut him up, or it did after Tovmas and the other young man punched him in the shoulder a couple of times.

Montgomery came up and looked at me like I was a bug under a microscope. "You sure you're a girl?"

I sighed and looked at him, "No. It's been put to scientific debate and no one else is quite sure and since I was allowed to pick …"

"Seriously?" Alfonso asked. I just rolled my eyes and tried to walk away but Thor stepped in front of me.

"Time for the telling Kid. Just get it all out and maybe by that time Richards will let you go see Evans."

So I told it. From the night in San Francisco, Jonathon and I escaping and picking up his grandmother, their deaths, and then thinking that being a guy was bound to be safer as I tried to get home than being a girl was … even one like me. How I hadn't expected to actually like any of them and how the lying got to be harder and harder but that once I had started hoeing that row I hadn't known how to stop. How I didn't tell Evans, Richards, or Thor that they just figured it out … except for the GWB part. That I'd told to Thor because he was the leader and I'd felt obligated.

I made sure to explain that the three men had only kept my confidence because I'd asked them to because when the Greenies started showing up again I'd gotten worried and hadn't wanted to endanger anyone else.

"But you did, didn't you."

Chuckri's voice cut right through me. "I … I didn't know your ex was one of them Chuckri."

Pilbos broke in and asked, "Why do you call him Chuckri? Half of us will …"

I was losing patience. I was shook up enough as it was and this guy might have been my age but he reminded me rather forcefully of the goofballs that I had gone to school with that always seemed to lag behind the maturity meter by a few years. "OK, before you ask, I didn't know his name was Tavit before today. Two, I haven't been given permission to use that name. Three, are you trying to annoy me on purpose? Cause it's working."

Tovmas and the other young man tried to hide their laughter behind their hand. Pilbos just smiled. "I get that a lot."

"No kidding. Can't imagine why," I huffed going to stand closer to Thor just because I wanted to. So what if I was all but hiding behind him. I felt exposed and he was the only thing big enough close at hand that I could use as a visual barrier.

"You OK Rochelle?" Thor asked.

"How many times do I have to tell you it's Rocky."

"I asked a question Ro-chelle."

"Rock-ee. It's real simple. Or like Pilbos were you dropped on your head too many times as a baby?"

This time it was Alfonso and Barkley that tried to hide their smiles.

Chuckri still wasn't satisfied. I could see him looking at me like he'd never seen me before and wasn't at all sure that he liked what he was seeing now. I didn't blame him. There was some issues that hadn't been resolved and I'm sure finding out that he'd hit a girl … all be it one that had been pretending to be a boy … bothered him more than a little bit. It must have been at that moment that the same thought finally penetrated the thoughts of the other men.

"Wait … oh … aw man …" Montgomery said.

"Guys, don't … please. All of that is cool. You didn't know. I didn't want you to know. It's not like I'm some helpless young thang. Look at me. I might not be quite as bulked up as when I was playing football but I'm still quite capable of holding my own. And besides," I told them trying to assuage their male pride that I know was starting to pinch, "It's not like you guys ever gave me everything you had. You were pretty easy on me compared to what you could have done."

It didn't matter what I said however because Chuckri said, "My family doesn't need any more trouble."

And with those words I knew that not only did his family not need any more trouble, I couldn't stand to take the risk of bringing more trouble to them. I couldn't stand the idea of bringing trouble to anyone.

I heard, "Rocky."

I turned to see Elsapet and she said, "Dr. Richards said you can come to the house. Go in through the front door and then down the long hall. You will find a small room in the back."

I took off at a run, not caring if the conversation with the men was over or not. I stopped short before walking onto the porch. My grandmother had always disliked when I forgot to at least try and not sound like a herd of elephants when I was in the house. I'd finally learned to actively think about my size when I was five and nearly knocked over her prized tiffany lamp.

I continued to try and walk gently to the back of the house and then to the room Elsapet had told me about. The curtains were closed but the shades had not been dropped so daylight still came in, but it was a honey colored light that matched the shears.

"No need to act like I'm dying Kid. Although after the fool way I acted you might wish I was."

I fell down to my knees beside the sofa and told Evans, "Don't you ever say that! Not ever again!"

"Whoa now, what's all this fuss about?"

I sniffed back the tears that continued to threaten. "You nearly scared me out of a year's growth, that's what happened."

A muted twinkle was visible in his eyes when he responded, "All things considered that musta been some scare."

I gave a watery chuckle and finally started feeling better. "Yes, it was. Don't do it again."

"Did I … did I mess things up for ya? Seems to me this might not have been the best time for things to come out." I could see he was tired and not in a good way.

"Don't worry about it. The lying had to stop at some point."

"But?"

"But what?"

"You know what I'm saying Kid. You and I both know those chowder heads I crew with are going to give you are hard time if for no other reason than because you was able to fool 'em so well for so long … and would have kept on foolin' 'em if Chuckri hadn't been nosing around to find out what you and Thor was talkin' about."

I shook my head. "It's not Chuckri's fault. He has a responsibility to his family."

"Humph. He's also still got responsibilities to this crew."

I said quietly, "Evans … you know I've never really been a member of the crew. And you know … you know I needed to leave at some point and this being the most likely point."

"Now just hold on a sec. You and me was gonna go fishing. You going back on it?"

"It's … it's not that I'm going back on it and you know it if you'll just think about it like I'm not some stray you've picked up and determined to look after." I shook my head when he started to talk. "I respect you a lot but you don't know these people Evans. They're never going to stop coming after me it seems … or after what I represent to them. They'll destroy anyone I'm with."

"And just what in the sam hill is that supposed to mean?" he asked still upset.

"Jonathon … you know, my friend … we used to talk about it. It never made sense the way people always explained it to us. Why did the greenies hate us so much? Why did they keep making the threats? They went on to other schemes and by continuing to bring the GWBs up over and over again it just made them look bad. Why would they do it?"

He shook his head, "Aw Kid, them people is all nuts. Why do they do any of the stuff they do?"

"Actually some of the stuff they do does make sense if you are all into that earth-worshiping/people-hating stuff. But the other, constantly harping on the GWBs just doesn't fit. Unless …"

He asked, "Unless what?"

"Think about it. We were their failure. As far as anyone seems to have been able to determine that terrorism with the prenatal vitamins was their first major act as a cohesive group; before it was really little more than a bunch of fanatic cells that would get together, support each other's blogs and occasionally to a little protesting. But with that act of terrorism they united. And it was a failure. Maybe not an unqualified failure but it was a failure nonetheless. And they'd alerted the public about how far they were willing to go before they were really ready to perform optimally. We – the GWBs – were an embarrassment. We were like a scar or a sore that they just couldn't stop picking at."

"Kid," he said. "If they's like everyone else most of 'em are dead."

"Maybe they are. But enough of them aren't. And it looks like they are trying to reform and continue their work. Look at the greenies here. What I'd really like to know is how they knew to come here; to gather and start their work over."

I looked up but Evans had drifted back to sleep. I worriedly asked Richards, "Did I talk too much? Did I wear him out?"

Richards shook his head. "No. Rocky, come out to the porch with me. Elsapet is just across the hall and she'll call us if he wakes back up."

He took me out a different way to a screened in porch on the back of the house that looked towards the river. "So … cat's out of the bag."

I shrugged, "It was bound to happen."

"Are you sorry?"

I shrugged again. "Like I said, it was bound to happen. I wish it could have happened different but it didn't."

"Give them time. They'll come around Kid, you just need to give them some room to do it in."

This time I sighed. "There isn't time for that. I wish there was. I'd like to know for sure that they forgive me but I don't have that luxury. More of those greenies are coming. If they think that I'm here, the last of my kind, they won't stop until I'm dead."

"Hey now," he said concerned. "That's exaggerating surely."

"No Richards it isn't. You didn't see what those people did to all of my friends and family in San Francisco. When I die so will the stain on their honor … or whatever the heck you call it. They'll look at it like they are finishing what they started eighteen years ago. Some of them are just that crazy."

"Rocky …"

"No, listen, I've been thinking this out. I have the leaders pegged. There are five of them, that's plenty but I think I can still handle them. I'm going to pack my gear and take the wagon … it isn't looking too healthy anyway; I figure it has maybe a hundred miles left in it before it really rattles apart. Those two nags pulling it aren't much better. I put the five baddies in the wagon and I just drive away. I'll … I'll take them as far away from here as I can. Without the leaders the group will fall apart. And if we're really lucky the other ones coming this way will think they've got a bigger fish to fry in me and not come to here after all, but come after me instead."

I was rather happy at having found a solution but the look on Richards face was one of total outrage. "Now look," I told him. "I know I really need to knock some of the rough edges off of the plan but …"

"I'll knock some rough edges off all right, but it won't be off of that idiotic plan." Thor's growl had me nearly jumping out of my skin.

"Do you listen at keyholes too?!" I snarled at him, embarrassed that he'd heard me sounding so pathetic.

"I do plenty more than that. Just what the bloody #$% do you think you are on about?" He stepped through the screen door and between him and I we seemed to take up so much room that Richards felt the need to slip back inside.

"Don't be a hard head Thor. I can't stay. I never meant to stay. All this did was push the time frame up."

"You'll just leave Evans, just like that?"

"No, not just like that. I wouldn't leave, at least not like this, if there wasn't good reason to. You said you've dealt with the greenies before. Then you should know just what they're capable of all in the name of their beliefs. They want to initiate the Great Cleansing, kill off all the humans so that the earth can … I don't know … do its thing or whatever. I'll be a great diversion to draw them off and away from here. As an added bonus I'll take five of those yahoos off of your hands for you. It's a win-win situation for everyone."

He grabbed me by the shoulders and shook, "Rochelle you are driving me insane. A win-win situation. For who?! Certainly not for you. You think you can really deal with five lunatics while you are running off into the wilderness in some beat up old wagon pulled by two of the oldest and dumbest nags still putting one hoof in front of the other?! You try that crap and I will turn you over my knee and I'll …"

"Try it Thor and you watch what happens!" I was getting mad right back at him.

"Rochelle …"

"The name is Rocky! How many times do I have to tell you that you mule headed Neanderthal?!"

"Ro-chelle, I repeat if you so much as think of trying to pull a stunt like that you will not enjoy the consequences."

I was so angry I was near tears. "I … will … not … put … these … people … in … danger! I've already lost my parents and best friend and God alone knows how many others died just because they were determined to kill all of us GWBs that night in San Francisco. They nearly succeeded. Now look at Evans, they've hurt him too. He's been looking after me like my own father … OK … maybe not exactly like Dad would have done it but his heart's in the right place and he has taught me things I needed to know to survive. And you and the other men … I know you don't think much of me but surely you at least know I'd never intentionally set you guys up to take a pounding … or worse. I can't stand the idea of anyone else getting hurt because of me. I just can't."

"Rochelle … and you can stop trying to make me call you Rocky because I won't do it unless I feel like it and right now I don't. Rochelle, you are not the reason your parents were killed, or your friend Jonathon and his grandmother. You aren't the reason Evans got hurt. Those people, they made the choice to act the way they did …"

"Even if I can eventually agree to believe that," I said interrupting him. "… in the here and in the now, those people are going to use me as an excuse to attack this family. You said you knew how they were. Well I more that know Thor, I understand them. They have to come after me. I mess with their worldview and their view of themselves. I'm living proof that they murdered a bunch of babies and caused a bunch more to suffer their whole lives in one way or another. I'm proof that their actions aren't kind, that they aren't gentle little farm critters like Bambi and Thumper all cartoonish in their peace, love, and happiness. I'm proof that they are the cancer on this earth and not the other way around. And there's not much proof left … just me. I'm alone … I'm all alone. And every time I turn around, every time I find something that takes that aloneness away they hurt it and kill it."

I was too upset, I ran off the porch and ran through the group that had gathered to hear Thor and me argue, something we seemed to do a lot of whether I was in boy disguise or not. I didn't know where I was going, I just needed to escape from the closed up feeling that was suffocating me. Idiot for punishment that I was my escape route went right passed the prisoners where they were tied.

It was that woman again that said, "I know who are you are now freak. How did you escape getting gassed with the rest of the mutants?"

I knew if I stopped I would have probably hurt her and hurt her badly. I don't think … no, I know that she didn't realize that I was a lot more dangerous than she really believed I was … especially in the frame of mind I was in.

"That's right freak … run … run while you can. We'll get you, we'll never stop until we get you and wipe the last of you unnatural creatures off the face of mother earth." The others picked up on what she was saying and added their voices to hers. I ran to the barn but I couldn't get far enough away from their voices. I was afraid I would never get far enough away from their voices to escape them.

I ran to the back of the barn, not really paying attention to anything but trying to find some place, any place to stop the hurt I was feeling. I was grabbed from behind and I started fighting.

"Stop it Rochelle, you're going to bust that arm open again and then Richards will have my head."

"Thor! Can't you just leave me in peace?!"

"No. No I can't. God help me but I can't."

And then he did something that I'd never expected in a million years.


	29. Chapter 29

_**Chapter 29**_

OK first off, I'm not fond of people invading my personal space. It drives me crazy because for too many years I didn't have much control over the doctors who were always poking at me and the curious who were always touching me to see if I was real or just some adult dressed like a little kid. Some of that went away as my growing began to slow down and my peers began to do their own growing but by then it was too late. You could say that I was real touchy about being touched.

Thor's bad habit of grabbing me by the arm to make me do what he wanted me to do drove me nuts. I'm just too big to appreciate having some guy be large and overpowering on purpose. It made me feel aggressive and defensive at the same time. But Thor didn't just grab me by the arm this time; he pulled me to him in an embrace. It was still automatic for me to start struggling.

"Stop that!" he said squeezing me. "I don't want to hurt your arm."

"Then let me go!"

"I want to but I can't. I said stop wiggling. You make me feel like a cat after a mouse … and I'm having problems not enjoying that."

"Wha …" I never got to finish what I was going to say. Frankly I can't remember what I had been going to say to begin with because suddenly he was just there, in my face.

He sounded like he was doing some struggling of his own. "I keep trying to tell myself you're too young, but it isn't working. I keep trying to tell myself that I have no business wanting you." He came even closer. "Unfortunately for both of us I don't seem to be listening real well."

I'd been kissed before. Once by a guy in school that was trying to prove that I didn't belong on the football team because I was "just a girl" … I left him on the ground, holding his tenderbits between the locker rooms where he'd caught me. Then there were Jonathon's tentative and gentle attempts. Getting kissed by a man … a real man … was a completely different kettle of fish.

He wasn't rough. He didn't try to overpower me. What I got was a glimpse at why some people get stupid and mistake sex for love. I finally understood what physical temptation was.

He let go but didn't step back. "What are you doing to me?" he asked in a husky whisper.

Breathless and a little shaky I answered, "I have absolutely no idea. And how did this wind up being my fault all of a sudden?"

"Rochelle … give me time to figure this out. I'm not going to stand by while you take all of the risk and just walk way."

I pushed off of him, "Don't even think about it. I can't believe you'd try something like this. Have I ever given you the impression that I'm the kind of girl that can be manipulated with sex?! Why would you …"

"What?! No! Rochelle look at me. Two completely and totally separate issues here."

"Yeah right. Like I'm supposed to believe that," I told him.

"Yes, you are. I'm not some boy that doesn't know the real deal from a play thing. And I want … look at me Rochelle … I want to take the time to show you what I mean but we have to prioritize here." He stepped back into my space again but the only thing he touched me with were his eyes. "How anyone cannot see you're a woman … they have to be blind. Thank God for that."

"Excuse me?" I was flabbergasted. Not even Dad had ever phrased it like that.

He stepped away from me and ran his hand through his already messy mop of hair. While I'd done my best to keep my hair neat, short, and boyish the men had actually let their hair grow every which way, some had gone so far as to stop shaving all together assuming they had the kind of beard that didn't grow out looking thin and stringy. "I'll go into it when the time's appropriate. Right now we need to focus on the most immediate problem at hand. If more of those greenies are coming we need to know when and how many, then we need to prepare some type of defense."

"And how exactly are we supposed to find that out? Go up and ask them? Yeah sure, that'll work." I laughed at the absurdity of it.

Thor got a serious look on his face. "Let the men do their job Kid. They're very good at it."

First I noticed he'd stopped calling me Rochelle and that usually meant he was putting some distance between us, but I didn't miss his message either.

"Is this what you did? Before? Out … out there?" I waved my hand around indicating simply away since I wasn't sure where they'd worked beyond the few locations Evans had mentioned.

"Not often. You'd be surprised how easy it is to bribe most people. Every chain has a weakest link. But yes, on occasion we … we used violence as well as other techniques to acquire information. But unlike how they always made it seem in the media or on those idiot TV shows, the violence wasn't indiscriminate and it was only when we had no other options left at our disposal."

Well at least he was being honest. It bothered me but I wouldn't judge him or the other men because I didn't know and hadn't been there. Instead I said, "Well … um … as long as you're … er … asking questions, ask 'em how they knew to come here. Seems to be a weird place for a rendezvous. I sure as heck haven't seen any working radios."

Thor nodded. "There were some. Problem is that with the multiple catastrophes that hit in such a short period of time that even if the EMP effect didn't get the equipment, the germs and violence may have gotten the owners. Any still viable radios are probably so few and far between that you wouldn't just accidentally run up on them and the owners would certainly keep their existence a secret; more so than if they had a horde of gold. As far as the other, it's on the list. I suspect though that it may have something to do with the river. We're practically on top of the Missouri. They could have sent a runner to a predetermined location or locations to leave messages …"

"Or …," broke in Alfonso who had come in looking grim. "They could have just run into another group accidentally who sent back their own runners to a couple of other groups they knew of."

"How bad do you make it?" Thor asked him.

"Bad, but not insurmountable. They've been coming in in just twos and threes up to this point. The primary group brought in by Chuckri's ex so far has had the only real leaders in it. Rocky …" here he stumbled, flashing me a brief look out of the corner of his eyes "… was right. There are five real toughs but of those only two didn't break or brag during interrogation."

I couldn't help it. I said, "That was quick."

"Most of 'em are weak, the rest like to talk and show how superior they are. That's how we separated the wolves from the sheep."

Alfonso turned his shoulder to me, obviously uncomfortable. When he started talking to Thor it was also obvious that I wasn't included. I decided to go check on Evans again but as I was walking out I had to know. "How big a threat am I? I mean just how hacked about me being around are they?"

When his discomfort turned into a defensive wall I said, "That bad huh?" I looked at Thor and turned away when he opened his mouth on something I refused to give him a chance to say. Instead as I walked away I told him, "Make whatever plans you want but I won't add to the danger these people are already in from these lunatics."

I spent the next few hours sitting with Evans who came in and out of consciousness; sometimes he was clear headed, most of the time not. It was Elsapet that gave me even more to worry about.

"Your friend, he is quite ill." It sounded even more ominous coming as it did in a cultured voice that was comfortable using very proper grammar.

"Have you got any idea what this could be?" I asked her, afraid of her answer.

"I suspect but without tests I cannot be sure."

I looked at her then just shook my head in defeat. "When a doctor stops like they're afraid they've given you too much information even before they've said virtually anything at all you know it's bad."

She sighed. "You must understand, I am a researcher not a clinician. I cannot prove what I suspect."

"Tell me anyway."

In a gentle but detached voice she told me of Richards' concerns regarding the head injuries that Evans suffered at the hands of the gamblers. Subsequent injuries only added to the damage caused by the original injury.

"I could give you the correct medical terminology but it would not help your feelings any. Repeated concussions, even mild ones, can lead to a total effect of a single traumatic brain injury. It could also be either an epidural or subdural hematoma on the brain, most likely subdural given his symptoms and how they've progressively gotten worse; it could even be an intracerebral hemorrhage. We have no way of knowing without the proper equipment." She gave a delicate shrug, not in indifference but in mild helplessness at being unable to provide a better diagnosis.

"What can we do?"

"I am unsure that anything can be done at this point beyond what is already being done. All of the conditions I mentioned usually require emergency surgery; we simply do not have the skill or facilities to do this. Even if I am wrong it is obvious he has suffered some type of brain injury, perhaps a significant one. Only time will tell what the long term effects are going to be; or … or if the effects will prove fatal."

I was angry. "So we just sit around and wait? Do nothing?"

A warm male voice said, "There is always prayer." I turned to see Chuckri's Uncle Pedros limping towards us. It was obvious that he'd been roughed up at least once in the last few months. Another man, older than Chuckri but looking much like him, also stood there. That had to have been Ludvig Chuckri.

My mouth got ahead of me again. "What? Did your parents have you, like the way you looked and just stuck you in copy machine whenever they wanted another son?"

Ludvig and Pedros both smiled, "Tovmas was right. You are very much a match for Pilbos."

Evans moaned softly and what little warmth their smiles had brought was gone in an instance. I knelt back beside him but he didn't wake up. Pedros said, "We should pray that God's Will be done."

I was raised to be respectful to my elders and that was the only thing that kept me from telling him that God's Will could cause just as much pain as doing nothing. No amount of praying had saved Jonathon or his grandmother; no amount had changed the fact that my parents were dead.

Pedros must have read it on my face. He said, "Child, God's Will is always best even when we don't understand His whole purpose."

"Yes sir," I answered to be polite.

"Ah but do you truly believe that?" he asked me.

I sighed, "I want to. I'm just not sure I do. What about all of the choices and actions bad people make? Those can't be in God's Will. Those crazy people out there don't even believe in Him. They think it is some Goddess, or maybe the earth itself, that will save them. How can they be in God's Will?"

"God's Will always conquers what tries to do battle with Him. God may even choose at times to use the actions of the evil to further His Will."

I shook my head, "I heard that riddle growing up. It always drove me crazy."

He smiled. "All things work to the good of those that love the Lord. It is faith child. I spent a lifetime constantly trying to solve what you call that riddle. But in the end it always came back to faith. Sometimes we simply have to trust even when we don't understand."

I guess the question was whether I had enough faith. I wanted to say I was sure that I did but I wasn't … sure that is. I did know I didn't want to sink to the depths that Evans had fallen when his little girl had died. I knew that my parents would expect more and better of me than that. But good intentions aside, I wondered if I was truly strong enough to face what was coming.


	30. Chapter 30

_**Chapter 30**_

That night I slept on the floor beside the sofa that Evans was laid out in. He woke in the middle of the night, sort of himself, but was very flustered to find me on the floor. In the end though he had no choice but to let me all but carry him to take care of some necessary functions. He was nearly in tears of shame by the time I helped him back to his bed.

I asked him why he was so upset. "I'm a man Kid. I've got to be able to stand on my own two feet."

"OK, I get that but … but we watch each other's backs and we take care of each other. At least I thought that was how it worked. Right … that is how it works? I mean, if it was me that needed help you'd give it to me right? You wouldn't just leave me there until I really started to suffer?"

"Aw, stop yer tears. You done turned into a real girl all right. But don't be telling the other men, you hear. A man has his pride."

"Well sure. This is just between us. I sure wouldn't want you to blab all over the place about how big a crybaby I can be. But we can be real when it is just the two of us and not just the us that we want other people to see."

"Humph, definitely turning female. Yer using that inside out logic. Now behave and let me get some sleep Annie, got a long day ahead of me tomorrow. Rent's due and groceries are getting expensive." He fell asleep with a light snore leaving me to really shed some tears. I truly didn't mind him calling me Annie but I worried at what it meant.

The next morning when I rolled over my first thought was that I would have given a whole lot not to have regained consciousness for a while, or even that an amputation sounded pretty good at that moment. Checking I saw that Evans was still out so I crawled over to the door frame and used my good arm to pull myself up. The sky was barely showing the first sign of pre-dawn light. I tried to be as careful as I could as I left the house and headed toward the wagon in search of the headache pills stashed in the pocket of my backpack.

Most people think big people can't move quickly or quietly; they think we must blunder around like the giants in the fairytales. "Most people" are mistaken about that they same way they usually are. Just like anything else it depends on the effort put into it. I always tried to avoid drawing attention to myself and that morning was no exception, despite feeling dull and clumsy from the pain. I was edging through some shadows when something caught my attention just at the extreme periphery of my vision. I ducked behind a tree and then was shocked to see that crazy woman from the greenies sneaking towards the house … with something in her hand.

My pain forgotten in the adrenaline rush of the moment, I went into hunt and attack mode. I pulled my bowie and rain straight at her but not fast enough to stop her from lighting the Molotov cocktail and throwing it into the house via the back door. I added a furious burst of speed wince caution was no longer necessary. I flattened her and … and put a period to yet another rabid and dangerous animal. Then at the top of my voice I yelled, "Fire! Fire in the house!" as I ran inside to do what I could.

Vaguely I heard screaming and gunfire from several different directions. The Molotov cocktail had sprayed fuel over a lot of flammable items. I was most worried at the flames licking at the foot of the steep, narrow steps that led to the floor where most of the bedrooms were located. No sooner had I managed to stomp those out than the flames had spread behind me. Booted feet were on the front porch pulling people out. I was just able to get through the flames and into Pedros' study. The smoke was already thick and dark.

I picked up Evans who was struggling to rise and turned only to find my way blocked. I kicked the door of the study shut on the flames trying to buy some time. Then I ran over to one of the room's two windows and simply started kicking it out of its frame.

I was coughing and gagging and my lungs felt like they were shredding. But then there were hands reaching through the window frame and taking Evans from me. As soon as his feet were clear there was some kind of explosion in the basement of the house that made the floor I stood on jump. I fell to the ground and then watched as a large, heavy bookcase toppled over closing off the window I had just put Evans out.

The smoke was thicker and heavier in minutes and I could barely see. I created this weird effect that had me totally turned around in the unfamiliar surroundings. I crawled around but knew I didn't have long as the floor was hot beneath my hands. Suddenly there was a glint in the darkness and I crawled towards it. It was an old and ornate wooden box and it lay on the floor right beneath the other window.

I tried to break the window but it was made of Plexiglass and my strength was waning. Finally in desperation I picked the box up and used it to break the window. I could feel a woosh behind me as fresh air acted like fuel on the fire behind me. I leaned out the window trying to get out without slicing myself open. I felt myself falling but large, powerful arms lifted me up and over the shards and then carried me as if I weighed nothing, or so it seemed, well away from the burning building. I don't even remember Thor putting me down.

The next time I woke it was to the smell of smoke and the sound of quietly anxious voices.

"Who's going to tell her when she wakes up?"

"Not me. I … I don't want it to be a case of killing the messenger. Who knows what she can do? You heard what them people said."

"Shut up the both of you and stop being idiots. Thor will tell her and if I catch you talking like that again you aren't going to like what happens."

I finally got some sound passed my lips but it was barely a croak. I tried again and just coughed. My eyes were watery too but I saw Richards point at Alfonso who took off in a run. I tried to sit up. It seemed if I didn't sit up I was going to suffocate.

"Easy now," Richards warned.

Then Thor's voice was there asking Richards, "Is she OK?"

"She's trying to clear her lungs. Keep an eye on her and let her sip some of that water. I've got to check on the kid."

As Richards hurried to another clump of people I whispered, "I thought I was the Kid? Wait … the children …"

"The children are fine, just scared and in shock. Lean back," he said while gently pulling me backwards … and I went, too tired to care whether it was appropriate or not. He chest felt sold and safe, like a bulwark.

I looked around and the destruction finally registered. The house and barn were both just gone, nothing but a foundation and a few blackened beams that stuck up at odd angles. Animals filled a small corral with a few older kids watching them. Further away was a haphazard pile that finally resolved itself into a pile of corpses. That made me jump.

"Easy."

"Thor, that woman," I coughed. "She did this. I tried to stop her …" I started hacking uncontrollably and was rudely reminded of my arm all over again.

"Yeah. I've got your bowie. And stop wiggling, it's distracting. They had to … unwrap you … so you could breathe."

Finally it wasn't only my arm that was registering I let out an undignified squawk only realizing I was only dressed in someone else's oversized shirt and little else. I grabbed for the sheet that covered me and when I pulled it up, my bare feet appeared at the other end. I groaned as a completely irrelevant thought entered my head; the men weren't the only ones who had foregone shaving for the last several months.

"Easy. Just be still. Everything's covered and it is going to be OK."

In contrast I felt Thor shaking like a leaf.

"What?"

"Shhh. You're here. You're alright."

I told him, "I know that. But what's wrong?! Something's wrong, I can tell."

He growled into my ear, "You almost weren't here. I could have lost you."

That really did take my breath away completely for a few moments. It awoke a strange awareness in me that helped me feel the emotions literally coming off of him in waves.

"Rochelle …"

"I'm OK. Maybe a little crispy around the edges but … wait … is anyone else injure?" I asked suddenly upset at myself for not asking sooner.

After hesitating briefly, as if he was debating on what to tell me he said, "Barkely and that kid Pilbos. Chuckri's little girl is banged up."

"What?!" I tried to say only to start hacking again.

"Am I going to have to tie you down to keep you from wiggling?"

I coughed and coughed again. Thor held a canteen to my lips so that I could sip some cool water. After I was able to breathe without sounding like I swallowed the beach, sand and all, I said, "Just tell me."

Thor put his hand on my forehead and then pulled my head back against his shoulder and eased into a different position that was more comfortable for both of us. "Chuckri's ex tricked their little girl into bringing them a knife and a pair of pliers which they used to escape. First they overpowered Barkley and then beat down Pilbos. Barkley has a goose egg and some bruised ribs. Pilbos' mouth earned him some harsher treatment and his eyes are swollen shut, his nose is broken, and they've banged him up pretty good in a few other places. The worst is a stab wound in his … er … hip. Nothing major hit but you can imagine it smarts. At some point the leadership blamed Linda for their problems and according to the little girl she was 'sacrificed as a blood offering' to rebalance things. The kid is hysterical but it'd be pretty hard for a child her age to make up the words she was repeating. After that point things moved fast and chaotic. They hit the house first and that's when you raised the alarm. Then they hit the barn. Then we hit them. If you hadn't given us a warning when you did things could have turned out much differently."

"Did everyone get out of the house?"

His arms tightened painfully around me. "Yes. Thank God yes."

"Where's Evans?" I asked looking around in the nearly too bright noonday sun.

If possible Thor's arms tightened even more.

"Thor?" I asked beginning to become worried, both by his actions and because I couldn't see where they'd laid him.

"Rochelle …"

"No."

He laid his head next to mine and then started rocking us both in what was supposed to be a soothing rhythm. "Listen to me. I know this is going to be hard, but listen. He's had some kind of stroke or something. Elsapet and Richards promise me he's not in any kind of pain. When he is conscious he's … not all there. They say it will be a day, two at most. There's just nothing else that can be done."

"No."

He continued to rock us both while the reality of his words finally reached my soul.

"I have to see him. I promised him we were buddies, that we'd watch … watch … watch each other's backs. I should have gotten him out first. I should have …"

"Shhhhh. Rochelle there was nothing you could have done. Richards told me a couple of days ago that he was worried that something was nearing the tipping point with Evans. That some point of no return had been reached with his last injury. Evans knew it too and Richards will talk to you about that later, when you're ready."

"I still have to … to do something for him Thor. He'd do the same for me. I know he would."

"All right. I'm going to carry you over …"

"I can walk," I told him.

"Maybe you can but I need to carry you."

"Thor I weigh a ton and you have to be exhausted. Just tell me where my clothes are …"

"The ones you were wearing were toast, even the boots. The souls had partially melted on them." He shuddered and I was again the subject of a nearly painful hug, as if he had to make sure that I was really there. I realized that this man really and truly had strong feelings for me and then remembered how I'd felt when they'd carried Thor into the warehouse.

I turned and looked at him. "This is crazy. You don't even know me. Do I even know you? How is it possible to feel this way for so long and not even realize it? I don't understand. I had these plans and now … the greenies … and all of this. I … I …"

"Shhhhh. Easy. There's time. Don't get scared and run off … promise me that Rochelle. You have to promise me that. We'll get this figured out. I'm not going to jump all over you and force you into anything. Just give me a chance."

I looked at him and didn't know what to say. "I … I want some clothes. I can't think like this. And then … and then I'm going to … going to sit with Evans."

"And you won't run off."

I looked at him again and finally said, "I won't run off. Just … don't ask me for …"

"I'm not asking you anything except to not run off, not until we have some time to figure this out. It … Rochelle … I want you to stay with me. Don't leave because of the greenies. I need you here."

My head felt like it was a spinning top reaching maximum overload. I kept trying to say something but I didn't know what and nothing would come out anyway.

"I don't just need you because I want you Rochelle, I need you … we all need you … because we're going to have to all pull together. Pedros has said that the family had already intended to evacuate to a more hospitable area because of the winters here along the river are very bad. The greenies were the roadblock to that but now that they've been … eliminated … the plan is back on and Chuckri plans on staying with his family. We've got some logistical issues to work out, some planning … it will take at least a day. Rochelle …"

I sighed, "What you're trying to say is that we'll be here until Evans … until he … until …" I couldn't finish the sentence.

Thor ran a work roughened had through what hair I'd left myself. "Yes. Until then."

I was silent for a moment, "Just let me sit with him for a while Thor. I'll … I'll do my duty. And … and I'll stay with you too … until we figure whatever this is out. But … but I can't think much beyond right now. I know I should, I know I need to, but …"

He rocked me for another moment. "I'm right here. Evans was my friend too … for a lot of years. He trained me, kept me from getting killed countless times until I was hardened enough I didn't need a wet nurse to babysit me. He was the old man of the crew after the others died and he took his job serious. He wouldn't be able to stand being in this condition Rochelle. He had a lot of pride. Even when he took a bad drunk he preferred to call a cab than call one of us. He was tough as old shoe leather but you found the one soft spot he had left. You sit with him all you need to, do it for all of us. That way we'll know he has someone close at all times that cares. OK?"

I nodded, the tears beginning to run down my cheeks. I didn't know how I was going to do this. The greenies had taken one more thing from me. Or maybe it was that my presence had put them all in danger that they would not have been if I hadn't been around. I began to worry that maybe it was me … just living and breathing … that had pushed the crazy woman over the edge into being a sociopath. Would she have done it if she hadn't thought I was in the house?

Thor helped me to stand. I was a lot more wobbly than I expected but I refused to be carried. I was going to walk under my own steam. As much as I wanted to lean on Thor I had a feeling that I needed, more than ever, to be able to face what was coming and to do it standing up on my own two feet. Something was coming. I didn't know what exactly, but I was pretty sure that the fire we'd just gone through wouldn't be the last one I had to face.


	31. Chapter 31

_**Chapter 31**_

The rest of the day passed in a blur of disconnected scenes. When I wasn't watching Evans I was apparently consigned to be the entertainment director for the SS Pilbos.

Sometimes Evans would try to speak but really not make any sense. I could tell he was in the here and now despite his closed eyes because I felt him squeeze my hand to get my attention. When he wanted something we'd play twenty questions with him squeezing my hand when I got close to what he wanted. When he made sense I knew he was not really there, at least not mentally. It was also the only time he seemed to open his eyes and I could tell he was watching a scene in his head, past or imagined, by the way his eyes moved and focused on things that weren't really there. His periods of true wakefulness became fewer and fewer and the strength of his hand squeezes diminished as the sun went down.

Between Evans' moments of lucidity and disconnect, Pilbos took up the rest of my time. I think if my mother had been there she would have laughed her head off and told me I was getting my just rewards. I would never admit it to another living soul but it was like looking at a male version of myself as I was a couple of years earlier. He was a nice kid and likeable in a I[m-going-to-have-to-kill-him-if-he-doesn't-shut-up kind of way but I'd have been a lot happier to have dealt with him in smaller doses.

I also finally met some of the other women as they came in and out checking on him. Chuckri's mother was also named Vika, like her granddaughter, though I could never bring myself to call her anything else but Mrs. Chuckri. Ludvig's wife's was named Joan, she wasn't Armenian but apparently it was no scandal. Elsapet was the eldest sister of the clan. The other sisters were Anoush, Markrid, and Shoushan. Anoush's son was the cousin that had been killed, Markrid's husband had been an immigrant that could never acclimate to the US and left her to return to his homeland, and Shoushan's fiancé had been a pilot whose plane fell from the sky the night of the EMP. Bedros' wife was a tiny woman named Ani who preferred to be her husband's shadow. Ani was Mrs. Chuckri's sister and apparently it was a case of sisters marrying brothers. All of them seemed to have some sorrow that had hardened them but not hardened their hearts.

The matriarch of the clan was Bedros' mother. She was even smaller than Ani and seemed ancient but one look at her face and you could see where Bedros got his presence from. I don't think I ever heard the woman mutter more than a few words but she could send everyone running with only a glance. She wasn't scary she just … she just seemed more there than most people did. Lines of suffering etched her face but instead of making her look sad or forbidding, it gave her power and character. It was a word from her, must have been in Armenian because I didn't understand what she said, that finally shut Pilbos up.

Evans jumped awake a moment later. "Huh?! What?! Why's it so quiet?" Of course it came out all garbled but I understood what he meant.

"Easy," I told him trying not to laugh. "Everything is OK." But then I had to explain what had happened. He fell back asleep with what looked like a half-smile on his face.

That was the last time for hours that he made a sound. He barely even moved. I slept by his side but it didn't seem to register with him, at least not that I could tell. Sometime in the dark of the night I woke to find myself in Thor's arms.

I jumped and tried to pull away but he held me fast. "Now why'd you want to do that? I was having such a good dream," he murmured quietly so as not to wake up anyone.

"What … wha … is that my tarp?" I asked finally noticing that I couldn't see anything above me.

"Yeah. I pulled it out to keep the dew off of us. The older folks are in the guest cabin and everyone else is spread out between here and there. You worried me when you didn't even move as I put it up. You … you better now?"

"Thor … I … I'm not sure this is … OK, this is going to sound stupid after all the things I've done but I'm not sure this is exactly proper."

"Ask me if I care. I've had to put up with listening to that kid flirt with you all afternoon."

"Flirt? We were talking about football most of the time."

"Yeah, he was trying to prove you two had a lot in common. You should have heard him when you went to grab some fish that Soghomon and Tovmas brought in and cooked. 'I want me one of those.' #$% annoying kid."

"Then just shoot me now and put me out of my misery. On second thought, maybe you should just run because if I'm like him you'll be insane in short order."

I must have surprised him because he suddenly got still and then he moved around getting more comfortable and then folded me up close to him again. I could feel his smile in my hair. "Is that right? If I had known you needed rescuing …"

"I didn't need rescuing. I needed ear plugs. He's nice enough but really, if I'm like that I wonder that you even imagined that you might … um …" I was embarrassed.

"That I might? Might what?"

"Never mind," I asked refusing to sound as silly as I felt.

"Well, listen here Rochelle Charbonneau, there's no might about how I feel. I know I promised not to push you but cut me some slack here. I thought you liked all of that flirting that kid was doing."

"Well, if I had known that's what he was doing I would have told him to stop. No one has ever flirted with me before, pardon me for not recognizing it."

"I find that hard to believe." Thor was turning into a real distraction. His hands kept wandering. They didn't go where they weren't supposed to but he still managed to make me feel like I might not mind it if they did.

"OK, stop that and behave," I told him.

"I'm not doing anything wrong," he said, adding a wicked chuckle that chuffed air in the general direction of my ear giving me the shivers.

"See, that's what I'm talking about. If you don't stop I'm going to get up. You're turning me upside down."

"Then I'm not doing good enough. My goal is to turn you inside out."

"Argh," I said as I tried to wiggle free.

"That's not a good idea. Remember what I told you that your wiggling makes me feel?" he said in this intensely husky voice.

"Yeah, well in case you haven't noticed I'm too big to be a mouse. I'm serious Thor, I've never played in the deep end of the pool before. I don't know these games and … and things are too messed up for me to know whether you're serious or not. I mean I know you're serious about saying you … you like me and all … and I guess … OK I guess I feel things for you too … but this other stuff … uh uh … I'm not sure how serious I'm supposed to take this or if it is some kind of game. And either way … I … I …"

He was suddenly serious and pulled me close again. "I keep forgetting how young you are. Hit me with a rock the next time."

"So … there'll be a next time?" I asked, playing with fire just a little bit to learn how to do it.

"Lots of next times," he said and then it was my turn to smile.

Then it was like all of the silly just went out of both of us. "Thor, can I ask what the plans are? I … I feel so out of everything?"

He ran his hand through my hair. "Have you always had short hair?"

His question was no answer but I told him anyway. "No. Actually I've always had long hair. I didn't cut it until I decided to try and be a boy. It was one long braid. Believe it or not I used to be able to sit on it."

"I wish I could have seen that," he said playing with the curls that were starting to form near my ears.

"Stick around long enough and you will. My hair grows really fast, like the rest of me. Now that I don't have to keep it short I'm not going to bother anymore. It's a pain to have to keep trimming it all the time."

"Stick around?"

I realized then what I had said. "Oh … oh I didn't mean to … um …"

"Could you stand me being around … long enough?"

I could feel myself go hot all over. Unsure exactly how to answer him I said, "I'm not the kind of girl that would just … um … cuddle up with just anyone. In fact … I've done it exactly … um … never. So … you know … you can take that and … and think about it."

He paused, "No one? Not even … Jonathon?"

I sighed, "Jonathon was my best friend. We did a life time of stuff together. He seemed to think we should … er … add another layer to that but … but I was less … certain. I just wasn't ready to lose my best friend over it. But of all the things we did … cuddling wasn't one of them."

He was quiet and I was about to ask him my question again when he said, "I'm going to get you a big stick. Something like a club."

I was wondering if I'd missed a whole conversation in there some place. "Huh?"

"My skull's thick. You're going to have to beat me off with a stick."

"O … kay?"

He kissed my forehead. "Rochelle, I don't mean to rush you so if or when you need me to slow down tell me. I can wait. I plan on being around to see your hair get as long as you claim it does. I plan on a lot of things. And I'm a patient man. So just tell me. But don't shut me out. Or run. We'll work everything else out to our … mutual satisfaction."

I swear that man is lethal in more ways than one. I may have been inexperienced but I wasn't stupid. The way he talked made me feel like a moth and he was a bug light. I wondered briefly if the bugs felt any pain when they got zapped as I turned and kissed Thor somewhere between his whiskery chin and his mouth.

He didn't need much encouragement but then it was his turn to sit up gasping for air. "Ok … you sit there and I think I better go get some air."

"But you didn't tell me about what the plans are," I complained mildly, secretly pleased to find that he wasn't the only one with some power to stir things up between us.

I could feel him looking at me in the dark and trying to decide just how far he could stretch his will power. "Humph. I guess I did kind of get distracted." However, rather than us lying back down we sat up to talk. It seemed the safer thing to do for both of us.

"Ludvig and Joan own some property in western Kentucky. It already has quite a few improvements to it, including an old house that is dried in although it was used as a storage building by the previous owner who lived in a trailer on the land. It's eighty acres; half of it fields with the remainder in woodlot, orchard, large animal barns, a couple of old tobacco barns, and I stopped listening after that. When they bought the property they went out of their way to get to know their neighbors and to take care of the fence line and their part of the road maintenance first so they don't expect any troubles moving their full time, assuming they've got any neighbors left. The family has agreed to move there. The winters are milder and the growing season longer than what they've got in this part of Missouri."

"So, the crew is going to help them get there?"

"That's the general idea. Get them there and then help prepare for the winter. It's only the beginning of July but that doesn't leave much time."

I was silent, thinking again of home. Things were turning a lot more complicated than I had ever expected them to. I told him, "That's a lot of miles. How are we going to manage to move this many people?"

"We?"

I stiffened. "I … I …"

"Because if you really meant 'we' and weren't just saying it because I wanted to hear you say it, I'd be a very happy man."

I swallowed, "I … guess I meant it."

"You guess?" he asked getting tense himself.

"Thor, can I ask you something?"

"Sure," he answered though he really didn't sound sure.

"Do you have a home someplace? I mean, you keep talking about helping Chuckri's family but I've never heard you say anything about a place of your own." And suddenly a thought struck me. "I don't even know what your real name is."

He reached over in the dark and though we didn't lay back down he pulled me towards him so that my back was against his chest. After a moment that left me wondering if he was going to answer me he said, "Thoresen … Gunnar Thoresen … but I haven't been called anything but Thor in years."

"Um … Gunnar?" The name just didn't fit him as far as I could tell.

"Yeah, my father was the only one that ever called me that though. Mom called me Erik, my middle name which was also her father's name. Neither name has anything to do with who I am today. I'd really prefer if you just continued to call me Thor."

"About the way that I asked you to call me Rocky?" I asked.

"OK, I deserved that. But I doubt I would even think to answer you if you call me anything but Thor. You answered when I called you Rochelle." I felt the smile against my ear.

"Ha ha. What about … you know … family, home, relatives?"

"Anyone that ever meant anything to me or cared is gone. Home disappeared even before that. I've got a storage shed full of gear outside of Clarksville, Tennessee but nothing that I can't live without if it's gone."

"Oh."

After a moment of silence he asked, "Now can I ask why you were asking?"

I sighed. "I so do not want to mess things up. Thor, I … I can't stay with Chuckri's family. I need to go home. I just … I just need to. And I want to do it before winter sets in." I hunched my shoulders waiting for him to tell me all of the reasons why it was a stupid idea or impossible.

"We worked a map up. It's going to take a good five hundred and fifty miles to get Chuckri's family where they are going. I can't say how much further it would be from there to your home because you've never told me where it is."

I tried to listen for Evans' breathing in the dark. It was still there but sounded a little more labored than it had earlier in the day. "Evans said he would come with me but now look at him. What if I ask you to come with me and something then happens to you?"

He was quiet and then said, "You don't think … tell me you don't think Evans' injuries are some … some kind of jinx."

I sighed. "When you say it like that it sounds stupid."

"It is."

"Thor …"

"As I recall the story you saved Evans from those gamblers that did him the injury that put him here."

"But the greenies …"

Impatience entered his voice. "You're being ridiculous. Those people are crazy and if they weren't looking for one excuse they'd start looking for another."

"I've heard so much …"

His shaking head brushed his chin against my ear. "Listen to me. People like that … that's what they want. They want to … to demoralize whatever target they've chosen as enemy. They want to leave a lasting impression that makes them seem better, stronger, smarter and more than everyone else. But they aren't. They're just fanatics and that's all they are. They don't have super powers and neither do you."

I tried to explain, "I'm a GWB ..."

"And I'm a pain in the #$$. Those people created a whole new level on the crazy scale, but their insanity isn't your fault."

"Lord I want you to be right. It just seems that my whole life they've always been waiting to finish the job they started before we were all born. They also attacked anyone associated with us. And if it wasn't the greenies directly it was other people that bought into their lies about us and what we were. You should have heard some of the rumors about us that were eventually traced back to them. They … or their mindset … were everywhere."

"Rochelle, listen to me. The GWBs aren't the only bad things the greenies have done. They aren't the only group of people they attacked or tried to manipulate. They aren't the only cause they ever had. The umbrella organization ran from cause to cause. The only thing consistent about them was how inconsistent they were. They did a horrible thing to you … and others … but the more power you give them, the more you make yourself a victim, the more the balance gets tipped in their favor. Frankly it wasn't until they got mixed up with the Twelvers that had access to the kind of organization and control that could pull off some of the things they did. Try and remember that and not take everything so personally."

He sounded like my dad the few times I'd spoken of my fears growing up. That had to be a good thing.

"I'll … I'll try. Mostly I think because I want to believe your version of history." Neither one of us said anything and I grew nearly too sleepy to open my eyes but I had one last question. "Thor?"

"Hmm?" he asked sounding as tired as I felt.

"Would you … would you come with me? To see if my home is still there? If it is … it's a good place to live."

I felt him smile against my ear again as he gently lay back so that we could go back to sleep. "I thought you'd never ask."


	32. Chapter 32

_**Chapter 32**_

When I awoke at dawn that morning I was alone, but a light jacket I'd seen Thor wear before was draped over me. I knew he was being nice by leaving it over me but it also felt like he was staking a public claim; strangely enough that didn't bother me one bit. Thor had agreed to come home with me and for a brief moment the future seemed full of endless possibilities.

But as Evans made a slight noise all of my elation disappeared in a rush of embarrassment and shame. Here this man who had befriended me was struggling to stay in this world, and I was all but canoodling right beside his death bed. I immediately hurried away to get myself awake and then returned to find Richards in my place.

"I was just washing up," I hurriedly said.

"Relax Rocky. Or do you want to be called Rochelle now?"

"Rocky … please. It's weird enough hearing Thor call me something I usually only heard when I was in some hot water. Having everyone call me that would be too much."

He grinned, "Try having your mother scream 'Ralph Royson Richards!' down the block a few times."

"Pardon me but you don't look like a Ralph," I told him, relieved that he didn't seem to be judging me.

He shook his head ruefully. "I've never been fond of the name. It was my maternal grandfather's name. Not to mention too many people tried to call me Little Ralph or Ralphie when I was a kid."

"Ooo, you have my sympathies all right," I said in mock pity.

Richards smiled, then became more serious with a sigh. "Rocky, when's the last time Evans was conscious."

"Late yesterday, right before it turned full dark. I … I checked on him in the middle of the night but he was sleeping."

He was very quiet before telling me, "I … I don't think he'll last out the day. His autonomic and somatic reflexes are failing. I think his kidneys have already failed and his other organs will rapidly follow." He shook his head. "I'd give anything if I could make this easier on him, better yet that it never had to happen in the first place."

I was having a hard time not feeling overwhelmed at what I know was bound to happen. "Thor said you were going to talk to me … about Evans."

"Yeah. I'd planned to give you some time but it might be better to just go ahead and tell you. Evans knew something was wrong. It had concerned him since his rescue but he kept it to himself until he couldn't hide it anymore. The mess back in Topeka really spelled it out for him and he finally came to me. He'd planned on talking to you as well but … time just ran out." I was trying very hard not to cry at that point. "Look Kid, he really liked you. He'd even started a letter to you but he never finished it. It's in his gear but I wouldn't recommend reading it right now. You've got enough on your plate."

I finally mastered my emotions and then sat up straighter. "You're sure he isn't in any pain? Thor said that's what you told him."

"No, I don't think he is any pain. We'd probably know if he was because that's one of the more primitive reflexes and one of the last to go." After a moment he said, "You and Thor are getting pretty close."

I must have blushed because he smiled, "Good for you. Good for both of you. Something worthwhile has to come out of this mess."

I asked him, "Are the men … are they … are they talking about it? I don't want to get Thor in trouble."

"Listen Kid, I've known Thor for a long time and I've never seen him like this. Whatever it is, the two of you work it out and you stop worrying about what other people say."

"Which tells me more than it doesn't."

Richards shrugged. "What do you expect? To find out that someone could fool them for as long and as well as you did and then to find out that it was about your gender … that's a lot for them to swallow. It's easier for some to swallow than for others."

Remembering what I'd heard the previous day I said, "Alfonso …"

"Kid, they'll get over it, all of them. Give them time. Montgomery is already acting like it was a fantastic prank that he plans to tell his grandkids about. He and Barkley will bring Alfonso around."

"What about Chuckri?" I asked.

"Chuckri's got bigger problems right now. You aren't the center of the universe that everything and everyone revolves around," he told me with a wry look on his face.

The last nearly had me laughing despite everything that was happening which I think may have been his purpose of saying it. One of the reasons I liked Evans even in the beginning when I thought of him as foul and cranky is because I could count on him to be honest to a fault. I needed that. It used to be Jonathon, then it was Evans. Now it seemed that there were other people who would pop my bubble if I would just pay attention.

"Do you … I mean did Evans ever say anything? I … um … really didn't figure things out until … well … the fire. I was afraid to think about it too much before then. But Evans would say things every once in a while. Make me think about Thor as more than just the boss." I shrugged, afraid to show how important it was to me that Evans would approve.

"Evans? Yeah, and he'd nudge the two of you every once in a while. On the other hand, I suspect that mostly he didn't think anyone was good enough for you and whenever Thor would do or say something that upset you Evans would then start meddling and needling to make Thor feel guilty about it."

"Oh no. I …"

"You do get bent out of shape too easily. Stop it already before you have a breakdown and really need my services. Evans was being a friend … to both of you. But Evans also thought of you as a type of foster daughter. He obviously told you about Annie. I think you helped him to spend some of those pent up feelings he had about that." He made to stand up. "I need to go give Elsapet a break. She's been up most of the night with Vika, Chuckri's little girl. She's badly traumatized by all that has happened. I won't be far though so call if you need something or if Evans noticeably worsens."

About an hour later I was washing Evans' face and hands. It seemed to soothe him. I kept up a quiet running dialogue just in case he knew I was there. A sound of nothing behind me brought me around fast. It was Mrs. Chuckri. She was wearing that Mona Lisa smile that made her seem so serene and was holding two bowls.

"You eat now. The men have all eaten so we eat now." She handed me the bowl and a spoon and it would have been rude to refuse to eat while she was. It looked like mush but the first bite told me it was a sweetened cream of wheat type cereal.

"Khavits," she said quietly.

"Excuse me?"

"The dish. It is called Khavits."

"It's very good. Thank you."

"You are welcome. Tavit has told me some of your story."

It was a blatant request, if a polite one, to fill her in so I told her leaving out the parts where I got into tussles with the men. Her raised eyebrow and knowing look told me that she was aware I'd left some facts out.

"This woman … this Delia … do you know much about her?" A more direct question this time and one that I expect any mother would have asked so I answered her with everything I knew. She seemed more at ease and then left to go to Pilbos who was calling for some attention.

Evans started mumbling incoherently again but it wasn't like before; he was not delirious exactly but he wasn't really there in his head either. It's like his brain was misfiring. People would wander in and out of the tarp covered area but couldn't or wouldn't stay long. It was obviously hard for them to see their friend in the condition he was in; I'd already been through this before with my grandmother and understood a little of what was happening and why.

Richards came by and patted my arm then left again. Another hour passed and Elsapet came and did the same. Evans' breathing started having a wet, gurgling sound to it so I propped him up a bit. I was wiping his face when I noticed his skin had started to get a bluish tinge to it. I turned to call Richards but out of nowhere Evans reached out and clamped a hand tightly over my wrist.

I'll never forget what happened next. His eyes were open and seeing … really seeing … something. In a voice that barely registered above a whisper he said, "Look … look it's all true … every last bit of it." And then he said, "Annie." But he wasn't looking at me when he said it and I knew he wasn't talking to me. An incredibly content smile appeared on his face … and then he was gone.

I don't know, it was a while later I guess, someone must have said something to me and I didn't respond. Then Richards was there and Thor. I guess the others were as well.

"Rochelle …" Thor said quietly.

"I'm … I'm all right. He's … he's gone. I … I think he saw Annie … he … he seemed to anyway." My eyes were dry even though my chest and throat burned. "What … what do I do for him now?"

"You let us take care of that. I want you to go sit with Delia."

"But …"

"Rochelle, we're going to take care of this part."

Somehow or other I was suddenly sitting under a walnut tree on the other side of the yard and Delia was sitting not too far away. I looked at her and said, "Really … I'm OK. I … I can …"

"Thor asked you to let them do this."

Her tone of voice caused me to look at her. "You don't really like me do you?"

She sighed, "You want me to lie to make you feel better? I don't really want to make you feel worse, not now."

"I prefer honesty."

"OK … I don't like you. You lied. You lied to all of us. I was right there, another female amongst all the men, you could have told me but you didn't. How am I supposed to explain this to Trish and Mickey?"

"You shouldn't have to. Trish figured it out within a day of me finding them. Mickey never seemed to care one way or the other."

"What?" she asked shocked.

"Little kids are smart although Trish isn't really all that little. She wanted to know why my voice sounded like a man but my words were the same thing her mother would have said. Good, logical question that I hadn't even thought of."

"She knew? All this time?" She sounded like her feelings were hurt a little.

"Yeah. It was always a lot harder for me to lie to some people than it was to others. I hated all of it but some of the people made me feel horrible. Then to find out that three of them knew, nearly from the beginning … Thor, Evans, Richards … and then there was Trish … even Nona back in Topeka knew without me having to tell her. It doesn't make me seem like that much of an actress does it?" I was talking just to talk. It was easier than being quiet and having to let everything sink in. But Delia was done talking to me, I think she was shocked that Trish had known and she hadn't.

We couldn't afford to wait, there was no real chance to grieve, or prepare or anything. The bodies of the greenies had simply been burned in the remains of barn and then their ashes scattered along the railroad tracks. The ground was tough and hard on Bedros' farm so they placed Evans' … his corpse rather because I knew that Evans wasn't really there any more … in a partially dug new root cellar and backfilled the hole with dirt and ashes from around the farm.

As the sun went down Bedros gave a grave side service. I could tell some of the men were uncomfortable but I think that Evans would have gotten a kick out of it. It wasn't until everyone had filed away and Thor had been called to deal with some minor crisis that I finally felt the need to really cry and I didn't intend on doing it where everyone would be able to stare at me. I wandered away onto the path that led down to the river and finally found a corner of privacy to let the wall fall down and my heart break in peace.

I jumped as something small suddenly rushed at me out of the bushes. "I hate you. This is all your fault. I hope you die."

The absolute malice in the young voice horrified me. I looked up to see Chuckri's daughter bearing down on me with a big stick. I was too shocked to move and she hit me a couple of times hard before I even registered the added pain.

"Geez, Vika …"

"Don't you talk to me. You're a monster, just like Momma said you were. You should have died not her! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!"

I could probably have taken the stick away from her but not necessarily without hurting her in the process. It wasn't until she was about to use it as a spear that I did any more than bat it away when she swung it at me.

"Vika!" It was David that ran up and wrenched the stick from her. He pushed her back and she fell as he was calling, "Dad! I found her!"

Chuckri came running while I held my sore arm. "What did you do?!" he bellowed at me.

Vika started crying, telling some tale how I'd been about to hurt her when David said, "Dad! Don't … don't listen to her. Rocky didn't even take the stick away I did. Vika was the one hurting her not …"

Chuckri turned on me and said, "Look, now you've even got my son defending you. Can't you just stop causing trouble?"

Then Thor charged up and I thought that he and Chuckri were going to come to blows and I'd finally had it.

"That's enough!" I yelled. "We just buried Evans! Isn't that bad enough? Do the two of you have to go crazy on top of it?!" They both had the grace to look startled, especially as they both seemed to notice for the first time that I'd been crying. "You two have been together how many years and you are going to wait until now, barely hours after seeing one of your best friends go on to the next life, to turn on each other?"

Thor stepped towards me but I stepped back. "No. Thor, if I let myself fall apart now I might never be able to put the pieces back together." Then I turned to Chuckri who was trying to listen to David and Vika at the same time. "Chuckri, I'd never use your daughter like your ex did. Vika's just messed up after going through everything. She … she needs someone to blame and I guess I'm it. I won't hold it against her, you, or anyone else for that matter."

I wanted to be able to say something to make everything better but my supply of smart comebacks seemed to have all dried up. "Please don't do this," I begged. "Wait … I know … get Uncle Badros. He can fix this. I know he can." I was grasping at straws but that seemed the most likely to fix what was happening.

The man in question suddenly appeared, having been out looking for Vika as well. "You embarrass me child with such confidence." He gave me a troubled smile before turning to Chuckri and saying, "Come Tavit, bring your daughter back to Elsapet and that Dr. Richards. David, come along, I wish you to tell your father and I what you saw."

After they had walked away Thor said, "This is wrong."

"Wrong?! The whole world feels wrong." I stopped to try and pull myself back together but I was shivering. When Thor reached out for me and I didn't pull away that time. I needed to believe that there was someone I could count on, that was in my corner. "Just let it go Thor. That kid – Vika - I can understand how she feels. Her world has been turned upside down, inside out, and sideways. Her mother died right there in front of her. She's just … just messed up right now."

I kept shivering and it felt good to be held. Thor topped me by nearly a head. I became distracted by the unique experience of being able to tuck my head beneath someone's chin.

"Better?" he asked.

"I'm … I'm OK. You … you don't think I'm turning into a wimp do you? I'll stop if you do, I've just never felt like this before." I didn't want to stop but I would have. I wanted his respect as much as I wanted the other things I felt with him.

"I don't think you're a wimp and … and I've never felt like this before either," he told the top of my head. "Walk with me down to the river bank. I want to hear what happened without all the shouting and hysterics."

We didn't make it to the river but instead found a handy fallen tree to sit on. I told him how I'd just needed to have a little space to let it all out and rebalance myself and how I'd been so distracted that when Vika had come out of the bushes I hadn't been prepared to deal with her.

"Thor, I know how manipulative those greenie folks can be. If I'd been in her shoes I'd probably be just as bad if not worse. I'm a decade and some older than her and when I finally accepted my parents were gone I was pretty shook up. It wouldn't have taken much to make me strike out the way she did."

"It's not her that has me upset, it's Chuckri."

"Well, Vika is his daughter and he's probably feeling guilty he couldn't protect her from all of this. My dad always said I would understand stuff better if I ever had any kids of my own. Parents seem to strike first and then ask questions later when it comes to protecting their kids."

"Maybe so. But I don't need anyone to give you any more fuel for that fire you have under your feet making you want to run off."

I looked at him in the waning light and realized that he did understand a lot better than I'd ever given him credit for. I could also see that what was between us was just as new and different for him as it was for me. Why hadn't I seen before that maybe he needed as much reassuring as I did?

"What?" he asked me finally noticing I was looking at him kind of strange.

I reached out and his whiskers tickled my hand as ran it down his cheek. "Thor, I promised you I wouldn't run because of the greenies and I'll keep my promise if I can. But this thing of somehow getting in the way of your crew, it bothers me. You and Chuckri have been together over a decade. I won't be the cause of making a mess of that … I won't. Both of you are needed to get Chuckri's family to Kentucky. If either one of you bails, or the other guys think something is going on, things might start to fall apart and there are still too many bad things out there to let that happen. I wish Evans was here, he'd know just what to say to make this all die down to nothing. If … if it comes down to me not being able to ride with your crew I … I won't go far. I'll track your path, cover your backside or break the trail ahead. I'll … I'll do what I can to let you know where I am."

Thor stiffened and I thought I'd said something wrong until I saw him looking over my shoulder. I turned and I jumped. Chuckri stood there with a strange look on his face. Great I thought, now he was going to really lay into me. Instead he reached out and put a hand on my shoulder that kept me sitting when I would have stood up.

His face wasn't friendly but it didn't look like the face of an enemy either. "This whole thing with you being female … it's just weird."

"You should have been on this side of it. Half the time it felt like I didn't know whether I was coming or going. I'm sorry I lied … I'm even sorrier for why I felt I had to."

The sigh he responded with didn't exonerate me, nor did it let me off the hook exactly, but it did seem to offer more acceptance than he had since he'd found out. Then he shook his head. "David told us what happened. Vika …"

"Is a scared and upset little kid. That's all we have to say about it."

"You're willing to let it go? Just like that?"

"What do you expect me to say Chuckri? She's what? Eight years old? Like I told Thor, if I was her I'd probably act out at least as badly. She just isn't old enough to deal with all the lies that those people … including her mother … told her."

Chuckri looked a little embarrassed but he finally said, "She's saying some pretty peculiar things. She said they told her 'the truth' about you and the other GWBs."

"Oh good gravy, let me guess. We were actually a science experiment by the government gone bad and the greenies were only getting blamed to cover it up. That the GWBs aren't even real people and that there was even debate on several levels as to whether we have a soul or not. That we actually bred to be super soldiers with hidden, secret powers."

I could tell by the way he was acting that I'd pretty much hit the high spots. It was the same old rumors and conspiracy theories I'd been hearing my whole life. "Chuckri, tell me something, if I was so all fired strong and powerful would I have let that blasted dog chew on me like I was a soup bone?"

"Rocky, I've … I hit you. Most men I've known would have gone down in the fights where you've continued to stand."

I snorted, "I'm a big ol' farm kid Chuckri. For whatever reason – man or God – this is just how I'm put together. If you take out all else in my life, every year I tossed more hay bales than most men toss back beers. I'm not invincible; just big, hard, with lots of stamina. It's just the way I am … and it has nothing to do with being bred like some super secret, super soldier test tube baby."

He shook his head. "No father I know would let their daughters be like that."

Trying not to be offended I told him, "My dad loved me for who I was … am, not for what I wasn't. If it had been up to a lot of people - and I'm not just talking the greenies here - I would have been aborted as soon as they confirmed I was going to be a GWB. If you found out that Vika wasn't going to be what people call normal, what would you have done?"

He didn't answer me. It made me wonder if he actually knew what he would have done in my dad's shoes. I told Thor I was going back; it was up to him and Chuckri to work things out between them.

People seemed to be carefully avoiding looking at me. I couldn't just do nothing, I'd be nuts in short order, but no matter who I asked there was nothing that I could do to help … or that's what I was told. I was getting pretty desperate … desperate enough to be willing to even go try and help with the sheep that Pilbos had warned me about.

In one last attempt to avoid that I wandered over to where I saw Grandmother Chuckri and Uncle Bedros sat packing what family treasures had been rescued into boxes filled with hay. Uncle Bedros saw me and beckoned me over. "Come child, I wish to show you something."

He patted the ornate bed coverlet they were sitting on. "Sit here."

I sat as he picked up something and wiped it with a soft cloth before putting it into my lap. "Do you remember this?"

Then it clicked. It was the box that I had used to break the window so that I could escape. He told me, "In English it is called a casket, but not the kind you bury a body in. It is for treasured things. The wood it is made out of is olive wood and it has been in my family for many generations. It is one of the few things we were able to save from our home before escaping the muslim persecution. It holds our greatest treasure. Open it."

I carefully opened the box that still smelled faintly of smoke. I lifted the lid and looked … and then had to look again before I could start understand what I was seeing. It was a book with a dark cover etched in beautiful designs. The binding had been repaired many times and the pages that I could see didn't look like the machine cut edges I was used to seeing. Just looking at it I could tell that it was old.

"It was my father's grandfather who brought this treasure into our family. He was a merchant and took this in payment for a debt. It called to him every night. He would lock it in this box at night, trying to stop it. He tried to sell it but too many were afraid once they found out what the book was. Finally he gave in and opened the book and started to read. The story is that before he read the book he was a ferocious man with a terrible temper. He began to change as what he read began to sink in. And as he changed so did the fortune of our family. The Muslims were without mercy. It was always my father's dream to immigrate to America where we could be free to believe and attend a church of our own choosing. But this book … this Bible … guided us here. It would have been a great blow to have lost it. I thank you for saving it."

I was still looking at the beautiful book with its ornate cover and hand painted color plates inside it. "I didn't save it … it saved me. It was the only bit of light I could see in all of the smoke. And then when I couldn't break the window out it was the closest thing at hand. I hope I didn't damage the box."

"There are a few scratches but they only add character and another story to our family's history." He was silent for a moment. "I believe you were meant to save this treasure. I have never understood how it wound up under the window, I always kept it on a stand on the other side of the room. God meant for it to light your way and save you, just as it has lit the way for my family and saved us for generations. It is a lesson we should all remember."

I carefully closed the Bible and then closed the wooden box that held it. I thought of my great grandfather's big Bible that always sat on the coffee table in the cabin's sitting room. Generations of births, marriages, and deaths were written inside. There were names and relationships on those pages that you'd never find in any public records. I told Uncle Bedros about that Bible and he nodded and smiled, pleased that I understood what it represented.

"Your Mr. Evans, he is at peace, possibly for the first time in his life. Do not begrudge him for it."

"What? Oh … no … no I'd never …" But I stopped, realizing that maybe I did. And from Evans I thought of my parents and something inside me unknotted. Then I looked at Uncle Bedros and said, "Thank you."

He smiled and nodded to something behind me. "It looks like you are wanted … but a word if you will." I stopped and turned back to him. "You are a young woman alone. Be careful of your choices. I believe that the man that you've chosen is honorable and means well, but do not undervalue yourself and be careful of temptation."

I blushed because it wasn't hard to understand what he was talking about but I nodded and then turned to see that it was not just Thor waiting for me but the other men as well. I walked over carefully, unable to read anything in Thor's expression.

It was Richards who said, "I have a hand written note from Evans. I believe, before we go much further, I should read it to everyone."


	33. Chapter 33

_**Chapter 33**_

 _This here be the last will and testament of Robert Flois Evans so I reckon if you all be reading this it means that I've kicked the bucket. Didn't plan on going so soon but seems God has different plans for me. I'm OK with that. I ain't gonna get all mushy, that ain't my way, but I do have me a few things to say and I'm gonna say 'em so you best listen._

 _I'm gonna start with a word about the Kid. Now you lay off of her. Not one of you has walked in her shoes so until you do you ain't got no call to beat her down over the choices she made. She was scart and alone and just wanted to belong some place where she could feel safe. Says a lot that she picked us for that when she had just as much if not more reason not to._

 _Kid, you just keep on doing the best you can. I'm sorry we never got that R &R or got to go fishing together but it seems to me maybe you'll be doing some fishing with Thor here right quick. I'm a little jealous of that but not much. Thor's a good man if a might hard headed on occasion and fond of having his own way. No shame in that though 'cause most men are and that's something you'll just have to learn to live with. And another thing, don't let them green idiots get you down. If it weren't you they were yammering on about it'd be someone or something else; never seen such a noisy and complaining bunch in my life. But don't turn your back on 'em neither; some ain't nothing but harmless slugs – a little slimy when you brush up against 'em – but some are vipers with powerful venom. Use that head of yore's for something besides a ramming tool and you should be just fine._

 _As for the rest of you, reckon I don't have to say it but I will since it's the last chance I'll get. It was an honor to work and serve with each of you. Wish more of us were still around but life happens and you ain't got no choice but to accept that. You bunch have put up with me in the good times and bad and I hope that I've done the same for you. Don't take anything that I'm about to tell you hard, I'm just feeling like it needs saying._

 _Thor, you're a good leader but you're not invincible. And now that you got Rocky in your life maybe you ought to be thinking of some R &R yourself. Comes a time in a man's life that things change. You got a chance at what I never did. You pass it up, it may never come round again. Think on that. To you I leave the care and tending of Rocky. She's worth more than anything else I could leave you and I reckon you're starting to figure that out._

 _Chuckri, you're a good man to work with but you hold onto hurts too tight. They'll turn rabid on you and eat your soul if you don't put 'em down for good. Believe me, I know what I'm talking about. Here at the end, I got no chance to change things but it don't mean I don't wonder if I could have. Don't want to think on such a good friend making the same mistakes I did. To remember me by I want you to have that big ol' pig sticker we took off that man down in San Salvador. Use it to defend yore family or save it for your boy and tell some stories of our wild times when he's old enough to hear 'em. Just not around your women folk or you might find yoreself in some hot water._

 _Montgomery, we had some real good times together and I wouldn't change that for nothing but you's a bit like me so you need to put down the JD more often. I worry that you were my drinking buddy too often. That stuff shore do taste good and I know it, but there's danger in it ruling you instead of you ruling it. Learn from my mistakes. Trust me, you don't want to walk that particular road. To you my friend I'm going to leave that little pocket Bible you was always ribbing me about. I got some pages in there marked special that helped when the urge to drink tried to overrun my good sense. It'll help if you let it. Them are some powerful words in there._

 _Richards, you done what you could for me and I appreciate that. Ain't yore fault that it was my time. For a man whot never trained for it, you make a dang fine medic. You take your job serious, but don't take it so serious that you forget that you have a right to a life too. Don't get so wound up in other people's hurts that you forget to search for your own happiness. To you I leave my pocket watch you was always borrowing to count off seconds with. You keep using it to get the job done._

 _Barkley, I cain't count the number a times that you come to bail me and Montgomery out of some trouble or other. I remember a little cantina down in Tijajuana in particular and you and I both know what I'm talking about. 'Nuff said about that. Hope you find you another woman to spark with whot ain't already got entanglements. You always were partial to that pocket knife I won off of that Dane when we was overlaid in Thule that time so I want you to have it. It's got eleventy dozen gadgets on the flaming thing, half of which I never had the time to figure out what they were; hopefully you'll do what I didn't._

 _Alfonso, just because I name you last don't mean yore last on my list. Not everything has some secret or hidden meaning to it. You need to loosen the tinfoil a bit boy or you're gonna miss what is right in front of you. Like the fact you is the best fixer we've ever had in the crew. Ain't seen too much broke that you cain't do something with. If I was you I'd do something with that talent. In the world we be living in these days it seems to me that you could take it and go far. To you I'm leaving my compass. The thing has never failed me and hopefully it'll keep you heading in the right direction._

 _As for the rest of my gear, including my horse and rifle, I want Rocky to have it. It's my right to leave it to who I want and I want it to be her so don't go saying otherwise. She ain't bamboozled me or any such foolishness like that._

 _Now I'm done with this letter and apparently with this life. You go out and keep going on my friends. And try to live life with the fewest regrets you can._

* * *

There wasn't a dry eye when Richards finished. I looked down to see that Evans' stuff was piled against the trunk of a tree and since it looked like it was somehow my responsibility I dug through it and handed the men what Evans had wanted each of them to have. They took the items and then began to file away but Alfonso turned back. "Hey Kid … Rocky … you know … sometimes my mouth gets ahead of my brain. If Evans thought you were OK, that's good enough for me from here on out."

Not sure exactly why my smile of gratitude made him blush but he lit up so high I could see it in the light of the bonfire that was our only illumination. Richards said a few things to Thor and then left as well. Then there was only Chuckri and Thor to deal with. I looked between the two of them and couldn't tell if things were fixed or not but I had thought of something while I was in Evans' pack … now my pack.

"Chuckri, I'm not sure how to say this but … Evans has a couple of sets of clean clothes in here. You've got so many men and boys running around, and there was the fire … do you think anyone could use them?"

Chuckri stared at me and I saw him swallow. Then he nodded and held out his hand. "I'll give it to mother, she'll know who it will fit and needs it most."

"Oh, I should have thought of that."

"What … what will you do for boots?" he asked.

I looked down at my feet and said matter-of-factly, "I guess for now I just continue to wear these slippers, at least until I can make me some sandals or moccasins. I might as well get used to doing without boots now as later; I'm not an easy fit even in the best of times."

He nodded hesitantly, like he didn't know whether to agree with me or not. Then he left and I was alone with Thor … a Thor that was as closed off as the man I'd first met. He picked up what was left of Evans' gear and I followed him away from the yard and over to a patch of darkness. I couldn't see much, what moonlight there had been earlier was now gone. I heard him drop the pack on the ground and it made a pretty heavy chunk when it hit reminding me of Evans' … er … hobby of collecting things. Before I could go much further with wondering what I was supposed to do with it all I was taken rather roughly in Thor's arms and kissed the same way.

It startled me so much it took me a moment to think to push until he stopped but he didn't turn me loose. "Thor?" When he didn't answer me I ran my hands up to find his face. I felt the damp patches in his whiskers where they'd caught his tears but I couldn't tell anything else. "Thor? What's … I … I don't understand. Is this something I'm supposed to know about?"

Another moment of silence followed then in a guttural voice he said, "How the #$% am I supposed to compete with a dead man?"

"Compete for what?" I asked, confused. I mean I knew he was talking about Evans obviously but the rest of it was over my head.

"You."

I was gobsmacked. The idea of being competed for by anyone pretty much threw me for a loop, but to have a man like Thor feel like that … well, it gave me a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach. I guess this was a romantic situation that a lot of silly women would have given their eye teeth for. I'm not inclined to want to be that kind of woman and I told him so.

"Thor … this may be one of those times when I'd be inclined to call you by your full name if I thought it would get your attention better. I'm not some silly little thing that doesn't know her own mind. It may have taken me a bit to believe that you really felt something for me and wasn't just fooling but now that I do, and now that I've gone so far as to promise not to run off and even ask you to my home, why would you think that there would be anyone to compete with? Not unless you're competing with yourself."

"You sure?"

"I just said I was didn't I?"

"You're not … not holding some flame for Evans? Settling for me because you can't have him?"

I thought to myself why any female would get her jollies out of making a guy jealous and brainless was beyond me. I didn't like this, not one bit.

"Thor, Evans was my friend. You aren't really the kind of guy that would get bent out of shape over that are you?"

His hands ran up under my shirt tail causing me to jump since he didn't even seem to realize what he was doing. I decided then and there that since he wouldn't keep an eye on his wandering hands I'd have to or I'd likely wind up in all sorts of trouble. I wriggled and then got my shirt retucked while his hands went someplace else less dangerous for both of us. "I asked you a question Thor."

He sighed, "I didn't think I was."

"Well go back to thinking that way. I miss Evans. That's not going to change. He was there for me when I needed him and we got to be close. But not that kind of close." And as his hands made another trip they shouldn't have I told him, "Not this kind of close. Now stop doing that. It's hard enough to think with you holding me much less all the rest of it. This is serious."

"I like all the rest of it," he murmured in my ear.

"Yeah, and I'm sure I will too … when I'm ready for it. Right now I might want to so I can prove it's you I'm picking to be with but I don't think this is the best time for … for proving that sort of stuff. Down the road we might both wonder whether it was for the right reasons or if we just sort of fell into doing … things … that might have been better to hold off on."

Thor groaned then sighed, "You sure you don't have a granny lady buried in you some place?"

I smiled because I knew that meant that he'd heard what I'd said and would quit pushing. He felt my smile and groaned again. "You better just keep reminding me that I'm a patient man. I have a feeling I'm going to need that reminding pretty often."

"Thor?"

"Hmm?"

"If I asked you to hold me … just hold me … would you? 'Cause … 'cause I need to feel … feel like the world isn't coming to an end, only a bit of it."

And he did … just hold me that is. For a while anyway then it was back to reality. "We are going to pull out as soon after dawn as we can. It's going to be a short day of travel, mostly to get things broken in. I don't expect we'll get very far the first few days but we'll need to start making up for it at some point."

"The animals will really slow things down."

He sighed, "I know, but they're too valuable to leave behind and it gives the kids something to do besides ask if we're there yet. I'm going to need you all over the place. You're used to breaking trail and reading the road ahead nearly as well the rest of the men are. We all need to keep our eyes open for trouble. We're going to be a pretty big target, and the animals are only going to make it worse. I'll show you the route tomorrow but for now, I know you're exhausted but you need to get your stuff packed and decide what to do with the rest of Evans' gear."

"What do you think I should do with it?"

"With what?"

I nudged the pack enough for him to hear the noise of what I was talking about. "Whatever you want. Evans gave it to you remember?"

"Have you seen what all is in there?"

"No, and I don't need to. But knowing Evans he got rid of the cheap stuff along the way and what's left is the real deal. Just don't let it put you in unnecessary danger so there's no need to say anything about it out loud."

"OK, but … I don't know … if we have to buy supplies along the way … this stuff isn't meant to just sit around and sparkle."

Now it was my turn to feel him smile. "Fair enough and something that Evans would have done anyway. He acted like a hermit with a horde but he was also the first to open his wallet when it was really needed."

We walked back to where the tarp was still tied and looking around I saw the wagons, wheelbarrows, the pony cart and a couple of other things being carefully loaded. Finding food for this many people was going to be the biggest challenge next to having enough fresh water.

"The enemy was stripped of everything useful and we were lucky most of the remaining food was in the root cellar near the guest cabin. The animals will have to forage almost exclusively but if we can find things along the way we should arrive at Ludvig's farm with enough to get them started . Winter is going to be bad but not impossible. Now do as I asked you. I'll get your horse saddled for you; you're still favoring that arm." And with a brief, hard kiss he was gone.

I sat for a few moments and let the tears fall again but I was crying more for my own grief than I was for Evans. I knew he was in a better place. It was the rest of us that was about to be tested beyond anything that we'd experienced up to this point.


	34. Chapter 34

_**Chapter 34**_

It was more than a little passed dawn when the wheels finally started moving and Thor was not pleased to put it mildly. When you have a whole bunch of kids, a few injured people, and a couple of elderly folks … though I don't think Uncle Bedros would appreciate being called elderly … it's not the same as seven men (and a girl) getting up and putting feet to trail. Still, it was pretty obvious that some improvement needed to occur, particularly in the area of organization and meal prep and clean up.

The whole kit and caboodle was a mess. There was the wagon that Delia had been driving and since she knew its quirks and the team that pulled it she continued to do so; in it she took most of the younger kids except for Vika who was kept close by Elsapet. Delia seemed to be in heaven from what I could see. She never lost patience with the kids' antics or their never ending questions. I don't understand why God would put such a love for children in the body of a woman that couldn't have any, seems kind of cruel; or maybe it was since she couldn't have any she'd developed that love and patience so that it would be enough for some children that really needed her and didn't have anyone else. I don't know, those kind of thoughts always did make my head hurt. It was funny to watch though when Mrs. Chuckri climbed up in the wagon with the children after the lunch break. I think she did it so she could get to know Delia better. After that mess that Churcki made with his ex-wife Linda I can understand why.

There was another wagon for Grandmother Chuckri, Uncle Bedros and Ani, and Elsapet, Vika, and Pilbos; Tovmas drove that wagon and his shoulders hunched lower and lower as the day wore on. Whether it was from Pilbos' comments about the bumps or Uncle Bedros' helpful suggestions (aka back seat driving) I'm not sure. I did what I could be riding over there and distracting them but it didn't always work. They carried most of the food that was rescued in that wagon which made for a rather lumpy seating arrangement.

Soghomon drove another wagon with the rest of the food and Chuckri sisters and some feed for the animals in case we came to a barren area. Ludvig drove yet another wagon with the household goods while the remaining Chuckri brothers and older cousins road the family's work horses that weren't being used to pull the wagons. Joan drove the pony cart with more stuff, only instead of a pony it was being pulled by a young bull that was well yoked. David, Taniel, and some of the other older children and teenagers took turns driving the animals which was a completely new level of complicated compared to the way we'd been traveling before, made especially worse by the stupid sheep. Only the three family dogs seemed to have any sway with those animals and thank goodness for them. They were under foot, under wagon, and under hoof at every opportunity or so it seemed.

You could tell that while some of the family considered the trip an adventure, others were reluctant to leave what they knew behind and some were simply frightened at what might lie ahead. It was hard to watch and put me in mind of the stories I'd heard about the early pioneers of this country.

Thor's comment that we wouldn't get far that day proved true. We barely made eleven miles; only making it back to the interstate and then under it to a little deserted town called Oak Grove. The town wasn't too ransacked so I took a few kids and we went salvaging. It got the kids doing something constructive and gave the other adults a break. I played it up that they were doing a real service for the family so even the kids felt good about it despite not really finding too much useful; but a couple of bushels of odds and ends of food was a couple of bushel of things we didn't have. When the kids came back the women wanted to go and they hit the feminine hygiene stuff first and then, baby items, and then under clothing for the family. Joan had an inventory she was working from and though they were far from being restocked on what they'd lost, every little bit helped.

Everyone was exhausted that night. Unfortunately the wind was blowing out of the west and we could smell Kansas City on it. The children in particular seemed to be the most adversely affected by the sights we were seeing and their reactions ranged from unhealthy silence, to hyperactivity, to extreme irritability and aggressiveness. Not the most auspicious beginning I could have imagined, but due to the salvaging operation it wasn't completely depressing. I warned everyone still awake while we were banking the fires that there was no way we could count on salvaging at every stop so we'd need to be careful. It was working on the fifth month since the collapse and most places that were going to be salvaged from had pretty much been worked over pretty well, at least for convenience foods and commercially canned goods.

I'm embarrassed to admit that the worst of it for me was the fact that I hadn't ridden a horse in so long that I was tender in places that I would rather not have been. That more than anything was why I was willing to take the kids and get away from everyone. Walking bowlegged was a little embarrassing. You would have thought that riding a bike would have helped with that but a bike seat is a little thing and a horse's back is most definitely not. I did my best not to let it show but Thor couldn't help but make a couple of less than helpful suggestions as we bedded down for the night after a dinner of soup and bread. I tried to tell him that he didn't need to sleep quite so close, it didn't get that cool at night, but he gave me a look which told me he didn't need the out I was trying to politely give him. "You know good and well I'm not sleeping here because it is gonna get cold so don't get coy."

I choked back a cough at the very idea someone would have thought of me as trying to be coy. "You're crazy. That's not what I mean. People are going to talk," I said trying not to draw attention to us.

"So let 'em."

I sighed. I guess it really didn't matter to him but I was realizing that it mattered to me. All of it was just so new and unexpected … not unwelcome at all, just I didn't know how to deal with it a lot of the times. Thor could be pretty intense when it wasn't being irritating or cute on purpose. I wondered if he thought I was cold and didn't feel the things he was feeling. I was afraid of hurting his feelings so I stopped trying to get the point across that people were going to think we were doing a lot more than we were.

The addition of Chuckri's family really helped with duty rotations. Sure there was more work, but there were also more people to do the work and in particular guard duty. That meant no one had to be on every night. I worried at first about it looking like Thor was doing favors for me when I wasn't on duty that first night.

"Are you going to settle down at all? I'm tired." Thor complained in a quiet growl after I had tossed and turned for about an hour because I couldn't get my thoughts to settle.

"Then go sleep someplace else." I whispered back.

Some of my upset must have made it into my voice because he asked, "What is this all about? Changing your mind?"

"Changing my mind about what?"

"You're either playing dumb or coy and I don't like either one."

"Well, I'm not playing. Wait … I mean I'm not being coy and I'm not dumb. I haven't changed my mind about anything. I … I'm … people are going to talk Thor. Can't you see that?"

"Yeah. So?"

Running out of patience I used my elbow to back him out of my personal space a little bit. "People are going to talk and even if you don't care I do."

"You ashamed of me?"

I rolled over not expecting him to have gotten so close again. "Omph! Will you back up a bit? No, I'm not ashamed of you. I know we're not doing … you know … it. I know that you are giving me some time to get used to all of this and to focus on the priority which is getting Chuckri's family where they'll be safe. I know that … and I appreciate it. But … other people don't know that and other people will think … doggone Thor, you know what they'll think."

He finally started to get I wasn't playing. "And that really bothers you?"

I shrugged. "You'd think after having people talk about me my whole life it wouldn't phase me. But I've always tried to be so careful not to give 'em more reason to talk than they already had. And when they did talk about stuff that bothered me I tried to pretend that it didn't or I could get away from them and ignore them. I can't do that here. And … and …"

"And what?" he asked after I trailed off embarrassed at trying to explain it to him.

"And I wonder what my parents would say … OK? My mom seemed to be thrilled with Jonathon started acting … er … partial to me. My dad, not so much. And he was on the other side of the country, my age, and just about as harmless as they come. You're none of the above – you're right here and in my space and in ways no one ever has been, you're older than I am, and the last thing you are is harmless." I leaned forward in the dark and put my head on his shoulder. "Maybe that is what I need but I'm not sure exactly how that makes me look."

He growled and then pulled me closer. "What you need hmm?"

I thumped him on his chest pretty hard, "Do you ever think of anything else?"

"Sweetheart, how you could have played sports with highschool boys and not learned that nearly everything eventually leads back to sex in some way for most guys is beyond me."

"Neanderthal," I called him but without too much heat to it. "Of course I realized that. However, I thought it was just because they hadn't matured very much, I didn't realize even grown men were that hormonally challenged."

He gave a wicked little laugh before getting serious himself. "People are going to talk no matter what we do or don't do. You were the lone female traveling in the company of several rough men. Not everyone will believe that you hid your gender as long as you did or that you are capable enough to handle the work load without … special help and accommodations if you catch my drift."

"That's … that's …" then I sighed, accepting the inevitable. "Fine. People are going to think I'm a loose woman. But don't expect me to like it or encourage it."

He ran his hand over my hair, "Rochelle, if I could stop them I would since it seems to bother you but I can't. And frankly what they say doesn't bother me because I know it isn't true. Despite it all you sure are a modest little thing." I snorted with laughter when he called me a little thing but he continued. "If they started upsetting you too much I'd do something but if no one does anything more overt than think I'm not going to turn into the thought police. You do understand what I'm saying?"

"Yeah, pretty much. They can think what they want to think but if I try and force them to think something else they'll only think the other even more."

He kissed my forehead in the dark but I could tell it wasn't to push any boundaries. After a moment he continued. "I'm not moving Rochelle. I fail to see why I should deny myself what pleasure and comfort I get from being close to you just because there are some idiots left in the world. If your parents were here the situation would be different because your father would be the man in your life and he'd be your protector and I'd probably never gotten near enough to get to know you in the first place. But that's not the way it is. _I'm_ the man in your life and _I'm_ your protector and _I'm_ going to have the pleasure of torturing myself until you're ready for anything else. Understand?"

Not quite ready to give in I told him, "I don't need you to be my protector. I've managed fairly well so far."

"Too bad, that's the door prize you get with this package. You're _my_ woman and that's all there is to it."

I couldn't help but smile at the smugness I heard in his voice. "So I'm your woman?"

"Oh yeah. And if that boy doesn't stop his sniffing around he's going to lose some vital parts."

The change in subject caught me off guard. "What boy?"

"Pilbo doughboy," he said with such disdain I had a hard time not laughing.

"What are you talking about? He's riding in a wagon, I'm riding a horse and the only reason I was talking to him was to keep Tovmas from committing fratricide."

Thor wasn't appeased. "He keeps watching you."

I shook my head, "OK, you are too tired. You're getting silly." Then more seriously once again I said, "Thor. I'm sorry that this bothers me but I can't help it.

"Don't worry about it. I'd probably wonder why it didn't bother you if it didn't."

"Thor, can I ask you something?"

He chuffed a quiet laugh, "Have I ever been able to stop you?"

"Smart aleck. Look, maybe this is … I don't know … not my job or something but … where … where is this going? Between us I mean. I know you're serious … and I'm serious too … about us … together … and stuff like that." I shuddered, hoping that I wasn't making a mistake. "But the rest of it. You said you'd come home with me … but … but do you plan on staying? Or … or are you just kinda … waiting … to you know see if something else comes along … or … or you know …"

Suddenly I was pinned like I was under a dog pile and I was caught between surprise and fear at just how close he was all of a sudden.

"Now you listen here Ro-chelle. You will not let this crazy fear you have of what other people say get you thinking along the lines of any kind of escape what so ever. I have been all over this cotton pickin' world several times over. I've been offered just about any flavor imaginable when it comes to women and what they have available. None of them … and I mean absolutely none of them … has ever done it for me the way you do and that's even before we've done much more than tease each other. I consider myself a smart man so it doesn't make a lick of sense for me to go off searching the world again to find what I already have. You got that?"

"I can't breathe you oaf, get off me."

He shook his head, "I'm not moving until you understand what I'm saying. I won't put up with you trying to get away from me … not because you think it is for my own good and not because you are just afraid of whether I'm serious or not. I'm more serious than I can show you until you're more ready for it. You've changed how I see the future. You've changed what I want from the future. Now I don't even see the future at all without you in it." He stopped and said, "Now I've got a question for you. How do you see this playing out? Between us?"

Suddenly I felt bolder than I ever had. "Like I asked you to come home with me but … but if you really hadn't wanted to come I would have followed you where it was you wanted to go. I never thought beyond that. I was too afraid to."

He finally got off of me and I was a little sorry for it but a little relieved too. "Well, there's no need to be afraid. I've developed a real curiosity to see the place where you grew up. I've never lived in that area of the country but what I've seen of it seems to make it a good place to have a home … a family." When he said that last it seemed like some kind of deal had been sealed between us. There was almost an audible sound of something being locked.

"You'd … you'd really want a family with me … a GWB?"

"Frankly my dear, I don't give a flaming flip what you're called just as long as you stay who you are. And don't tease me about wanting a family with you; you're supposed to be reminding me that I'm a patient man, not one that wants to make a family, remember?"

I smiled as another one of those knots I had inside me and didn't know it untied itself. "That has to be the worst Clark Gable imitation I've ever heard."

"Then it's a good thing I didn't make my living on the stage. Now can we get some rest? Tomorrow is going to be challenging enough without having to do it on half rations of sleep."

I was finally able to let everything settle for the night and get some sleep. It wasn't that I had stopped caring about what other people thought we were doing – that still gave me the heebie jeebies especially since we weren't doing anything – but a thought had been dealt with that I hadn't really dared to think. Thor wasn't just serious, he wasn't just in this for the long haul … he was in it for the forever haul and believing that made a huge difference for me.

The next night saw us in a place called Lone Jack and then the next a place called Pittsville. We'd been heading south to try and get away from the interstate because though it was the more direct route, it would have likely been the more dangerous one as well. I wasn't real sure about turning east when we did as we'd have to go by Whiteman Air Force Base. My concern was born out when we stopped for the next night at a town called Warrensburg.


	35. Chapter 35

_**Chapter 35**_

Warrensburg had several strikes against it when things first began to fall apart. First off it was a university town; the University Central Missouri played a prominent role in the local economy and well as bringing in a lot of outsiders. It was also an Amtrak hub along the Kansas City and St. Louis route with tracks that spread from one end of town to the other … and a train out of Kansas City used by escapees from whatever bacteria was released there derailed right in the middle of things spreading. It had over fifteen thousand permanent residents which didn't include the all of the students in the area, and the area really wasn't designed to be self-sufficient. But the worst thing was that it filled with evacuees from Whiteman Air Face Base.

The evacuees along with all of the other stranded residents, permanent and otherwise, quickly stripped the town of everything remotely edible or useful (and some things that weren't either) and then turned on each other. At some point someone's cooking fire, or that was my guess anyway since it started in the primarily residential area of town, got out of control and took out about a quarter of the east side of the town. The chaos of that destruction overwhelmed what little infrastructure that remained. The rest of the town died a quick and hard death accentuated as the Kansas City illness spread beyond the containment area that had been set up and the only thing that was left by the time we got there was the rougher elements and guys on leave … permanent or otherwise … from the air force base.

We had several groups try to shake us down for protection money, supplies, etc. One group looked particularly disgusting with sores and such that proclaimed them to be severe meth-heads. We finally took up a defensible position by simply driving the wagons and horses into a warehouse that still had a roof and four walls if little else.

With no internal walls there was no privacy and for once I was once again grateful for dark corners and shadows to escape the attention of other people. It was difficult to scrape together enough wood to have a cook fire so dinner that night was simply a thrown together mess for most folks. There was no game to supplement the supplies even as flavoring and if everyone hadn't been so tired – and if Uncle Bedros hadn't turned a forbidding stare on a few – I suspect there would have been no small amount of grumbling. Water was not to be found either which meant using a lot of what we had in the water barrels, one of which was attached to each wagon.

For my own use I used bits of charcoaled wood and built a small fire in an empty coffee can I'd found. Thor, Alfonso, and I had been working our butts off through dinner fixing an axle that was starting to wobble. Alfonso had a cast iron stomach and didn't seem to mind what the Chuckri women had thrown together but I knew Thor and I needed more. While he took care of a few other things I went to work. When he finally returned I was pretty satisfied with my efforts. Thor was as well but was concerned at our water supply level since we'd also had to water the animals with it.

"I wouldn't trust any water from around here anyway," I told Thor as we shared a plate of Mexican Grilled cheese sandwiches I had made for us. "No sense in risking us or the animals getting sick. As soon as we find the next watering hole or water tower we can fill up there."

Thor sighed and admitted we didn't have any choice at this point and finally bit into what I'd been working on. "If I'd known you could cobble together a meal like this you'd been cooking a long time ago," he mumbled around his first mouthful.

I snorted, "Yeah, like I was going to let you know so that you could do just that."

He reached over and gave me a cheesey kiss on the cheek. "Seriously, soups good but I couldn't handle another night of corn chowder. Where'd you get the supplies for this?"

"The bread is ours from what was baked last night. By the way, you might want to mention to Chuckri that his uncle should pull out some seed wheat so it doesn't accidentally all get used up. Who knows what the state of things are going to be once they get to Kentucky. Anyway I saved back the bread from toast at breakfast since you didn't seem to mind the leftover corn pone from the night before. Then tonight I just pulled together stuff out of my supplies."

"What's your pack weigh?" Thor asked.

"Now? I don't know … forty or fifty pounds probably. Normally when Dad and I went hiking my pack ran between eighty-five and a hundred pounds but I didn't like carrying that heavy for the short trails."

"You carried an eighty-five to hundred pound pack … hiking … you're not just making that up?"

Getting irritated that he seemed so surprised I asked, "Do you want dessert or are you going to be deprived?"

"There's dessert too?"

"Assuming you behave," I told him.

"I always behave … just don't expect me to always be well behaved. Now seriously, what were you doing carrying that much gear on a hike? Did them scouts make you carry all of the gear?"

"Our venture crew was pretty decent sized, in number and build since most of us were older, but we always had a couple of smaller and younger kids that came along from the local Boy Scout troops who were working on some of the high adventure badges. If I wasn't helping them I was helping my dad. Dad was the guy who trained the trainers that in turn trained the local adult volunteers and that sort of thing." I shrugged. "I helped carry any special equipment like the climbing gear, block and tackle and other heavy trail clearing equipment, stuff like that. It helped me to stay in shape in the off season since it was too hard for me to get to town and use the gym every day."

"Is your dad who taught you to trail cook?"

I laughed remembering some of my dad's cooking experiments. "No. He could cook but a lot of the time he doctored it up so much that it never turned out to be what it was originally meant to be. It was Mom and my grandmothers. There was always this tug of war going on. I was a tomboy, well you can imagine why, but the more dainty females in my family refused to give up hope that one day I would settle down to just being a normal sort of girl. And if it wasn't that they still wanted me to be able to look after myself as far as cooking, cleaning, sewing, yada, yada, yada."

"OK, oh woman of the mountains, so what am I eating that tastes so good?" he teased.

"You're being silly again. All I did was sprinkle some taco seasoning on the bread, spread some Velveeta on top of that, fry it on both sides and then when it was gooey I opened it up and spread some black bean and corn salsa in it and resealed it before the cheese got cold. Like I said the bread came from our bit of breakfast this morning and the rest was just stuff I've been salvaging as I've run across it. I was trying to save the salsa for a special occasion but I needed the proteins the beans have."

He looked at me in the middle of chewing the last corner of his sandwich. "You feeling OK?"

"Oh I'm fine, just not getting the amount of protein I'm used to. All of the corn and bread and potatoes we've been eating is great for the carb count and short term energy but I need to balance that with protein and the little bit of game we've been able to bring in just isn't …" I trailed off afraid I sounded like I wasn't grateful or was complaining.

Thor made it easy on me however as he scooched up close and said, "Yeah, I've been missing the meat that goes with the potatoes I'm used to as well. It's going to be hard with a group this size though and no resupply in sight. It'll be easier when we are on our own. Now what's for dessert?"

I laughed and pulled an aluminum foil lined box away from the fire. "Don't tear the aluminum, I'm going to try and reuse it again if I can. I've used it several times already and it is starting to fall apart but hate to use any new until I have no choice."

Thor opened the two aluminum foil packets like it was an expensive Christmas gift while I did a quick clean up of what mess I had made. I told him, "It would have been better if I could have saved any of those wind fall apples from that tree but they got used in the cobbler that Mrs. Chuckri and Joan made night before last. These are some of the last dried apples that I've got and I also used the last of the honey out of my bear and the last two caramels that I had. I know it's not much but I figured why have them if I wasn't going to use them."

If most everyone hadn't already gone to sleep by that point I would have laughed out loud to watch Thor lick all of the sweet off of the aluminum and out of the whiskers from around his mouth. Despite his best effort I still tasted caramel and honey when he kissed me before telling me to get some sleep while he went on guard duty for first watch. About every third or fourth night we'd get a night off together and in fact should have had one that night but with the situation being what it was Thor had doubled the guards. I would be on later in the night.

When it was my turn I took up a place outside the warehouse. On the wind came the kinds of hooting and hollering of people having what sounded like a drunk of a time. No one had mentioned seeing anyone nearby our location but during my hours that I caught someone sneaking around. To his surprise he walked right into me … well, my fist actually. He dropped with hardly a sound.

After thinking a moment I took his belt since he really wasn't using it to keep his pants up and hog tied him. After telling Chuckri what I was doing I hauled him over to a building where they did oil changes on big rigs and lowered him down in the changing pit. I could have dropped him down into it but there was no need to wake him up so soon or make any noise doing it. I picked off three more guys that way, dumping each of them in a different bay, and all the while collecting a mangy assortment of items and packs that I gave to Thor when he woke up when I came to bed to try and catch a couple of hours more sleep before what passed for reveille.

The next morning as the family was trying to load up to leave Thor took me aside and said, "Next time Rochelle wake me up if you have an encounter."

Realizing that I may have stepped on some toes I said, "I … I didn't mean to upset you."

"You didn't upset me exactly but I'd prefer to know what is going on as much as possible especially if they involve you. I've asked and no one else says they saw anything. How is it that you not only saw four but took them out when none of the others did?"

Wondering if he was the one wondering or if it was the others I shrugged, trying not to care one way or the other. "Might have been my position. I caught every one of them coming from deeper in the complex of warehouses to the rear of here. None of them were being noisy or anything as far as I could tell but they weren't exactly announcing themselves either. I don't even know if they knew we were here, Uncle Bedros muffling the animals' hooves was a pretty good idea, but I wasn't going to take any chances just to be on the safe side."

"And you didn't go looking for them?"

"No," I told him upset that he'd even think I would do something like that. "I was just behind that truck that is parked kitty corner to the rear door over there."

"You were outside the building?"

"Well … yeah," I said beginning to wonder where this was leading. "I couldn't see anything from that stupid small window. Someone could have crawled under it and I'd never have seen them."

"But it was dark and damp outside."

Beginning to get irritated, "Now hang on a sec. You aren't going to start treating me like a girl all of a sudden are you? 'Cause if you …"

A cough from behind me followed by a, "No Rocky, I think he is trying to make a point." Chuckri was standing there with a grin on his face.

I still didn't get it so Chuckri said, "Thor is just making the point that being on guard duty doesn't mean doing it the most comfortable way, it means doing it the right way." He looked over at a couple of his family members that had gathered around with an easy expression on his face. "And he's trying to do it so no one gets offended." But suddenly his face went from congenial to forbidding. "It's something he shouldn't have to point out. Pilbos, you had that position before Rocky. How many did you miss do you think? How many people now know that we are inside this warehouse simply because you let them by? Taniel, you had that position after Rocky. Instead of using the truck as cover you stayed at the window the way Pilbos had. Were you even able to see anything at all?" He wasn't ripping into them exactly but I decided then and there that I'd watch out for sour grapes from them and the others that he was starting lean on.

I turned to Thor. "It might be a good idea if we got out and looked around a bit before getting everyone out of the building."

A grunt of agreement came my direction and he said, "Barkley and Montgomery already on it. They said your four are still in the warehouse but haven't figured out what is going on yet, aren't even working with each other so that tells me they were loners."

I asked in a voice no one else could hear, "Did I cause problems?"

He gave me a don't-be-stupid look and popped me lightly on the head with his cap. It wasn't the answer I was looking for but it was enough that I wasn't worried any more. If people wanted to think I was a hard case out to make a name for myself then that was their problem, not mine. I'd continue doing what I could to protect this caravan and to heck with them.

"All's clear," I heard Barkely say quietly to Thor a few minutes later. Montgomery and Alfonso remained outside to make sure it stayed clear.

I sighed and Thor heard me, "What's up?"

"Just thinking that I wished I could run around the town and see what, if anything, is worth salvaging. I got to thinking last night after you asked what my normal pack weight was and I'm wishing I had a few more things in there. Not to mention these slippers aren't going to cut it for much longer. I bruised my instep again last night."

Thor nodded, "I'd run around with you if I thought it would do any good but it's not worth the effort. I wouldn't mind seeing what was left at the university, especially in the science labs, and I know Richards and Elsapet want to restock on med supplies. I just want to get on the other side of Whiteman without incident. Keep a good watch today. Chuckri is working on training his family but I'd be more comfortable if we had more time before we run into trouble."

"You expect trouble?" I asked him, growing wary of the day.

"I don't not expect trouble. You saw that one group that was in fatigues that tried to extort a 'traveling tax' from us. Some of them had some basic training but I don't know if they were AWOL or just what. You'd figure with more training and serious intent they could have taken our group down easily."

I smiled and said, "You guys don't look in the mirror much do you?" He gave me a sour look and I explained. "You guys are tops at doing the scary look. In fact anyone with any sense can tell you don't just look scary you are scary. Y'all are the real deal."

Thor just shook his head. "Get on your horse girl and stop trying to have your way by flirting with me." I stuck my tongue out at him but moved when he growled … I couldn't tell if he was being playful or not.

We'd stuck with the frontage road since Hwy 50 was a mess and we continued east using the same street system. We did OK until lunch time when the railroad tracks grew close to the road again and the parallel road ended. I was covering our back trail to make sure we were weren't being followed, and to make sure the animals kept pace, when a shot rang out and I saw Richards fall sideways off his horse as it reared.

The tracks rested on a built up hump that had given our attackers just enough cover to operate from. I rode forward and quickly handed my horse off to Taniel who was herding the sheep and goats and then went up into the grass and over the tracks at a dead run. I was met by a scruffy looking man but I'd been prepared for that. He got the butt end of my rifle in the side of his head and he dropped out of my way. These people were used to ambushing the weak and unwary and were completely unprepared for an immediate return offensive.

I shot a few of the ambushers in self defense but most of the ones I had direct encounters with were simply too slow for me to bother. I was angry and worried about Richards so my response was more aggressively painful than I might have been if none of our people had been hurt. I stomped 'em pretty bad and met up with Alfonso as we crushed the rest of them between us. Alfonso whistled a signal and then Chuckri came over the tracks and we spear headed an attack, following the few escapees back to a camp about a hundred yards to the south of where they had tried to stop us.

It was a complete route. Every ambusher was dead or injured; or soon to be injured and dead I realized as I heard a shot here and there back the way we had stormed from. I'd been forced to learn to live with the men's way of making sure no one got back up to come after us again. I suppose it was true that if you lived by the sword you would eventually die by it but it didn't help the dreams I sometimes had about it. I had hopes that Thor and I could eventually put some of that behind us but having solid proof that humans in general were animals even when they didn't have to be I became less and less confident that my hopes would prove true in the long run.

We cleared the area and found two women tied up. They'd been roughly used. One was a complete mess and not all there but the other looked ready to fight which gave me hope that she'd heal from her ordeal. I bent down and said, "Don't expect any of the men I'm with to treat you the same as you've been treated so take it easy. You're making it hard to untie you."

The woman … I couldn't tell if she had blonde hair or brown as she was so filthy … looked at me intently. She finally stopped fighting so that I could take the tape off her mouth. It sickened me. "Oh geez. I'm sorry. I didn't know you were so busted up under this or I would have tried to be more gentle."

"You're female," she lisped through swollen and split lips.

"Last time I checked. Hang on and I'll get you some water."

She warned, "Don't drink anything around here. It's more than likely contaminated. There was an outbreak of something not that long ago. I'm the last of a group of hostages I came in with; the others died of dehydration caused by some kind dysentery."

I nodded my understanding. "You got people around here?"

"I'm from the base. These freaks were trying to use us as bargaining chips to get what they have no business having."

Chuckri came over at hearing that. "You're from the base? Whiteman?"

"Yeah but … but I'm just civil support. Who are you people? I thought at first you were a rescue squad." I noticed it was mostly bravado that was keeping her going. She was actually pretty scared.

"Chuckri? Can Joan or Elsapet come give me a hand?"

He caught the look on my face without knowing why but left me to deal with the woman. I turned to her and said, "Look, regardless of who you are, you aren't going from the frying pan into the fire. If you really did come from the base I'm sure we'll be able to give you a hand getting back there. And I'm sorry about your friends. Is she one of them?" I asked point to the nearly comatose woman.

"No. She was already here when we were taken. She …," she shook her head in disgust. "She's an addict and as long as they supply her she … she …" She shook her head and then whispered, "It's disgusting but I'll take her back to base with me and see what can be done. She's pretty far gone though. It might just be kinder to leave her with a supply and let her OD. Base command has an absolute zero tolerance for recreational drug use. She'll have to go through DTs and in the condition she is in it might be the death of her anyway."

That wasn't my problem and decided to leave that to other folks to deal with. The woman's name was Carol and I found some better clothes for her from a pile off to the side and while I was doing that I noticed that the pile was huge. There were also piles of shoes, a box of reading glasses, and in fact noticed that there was quite an inventory of odds and ends under the camouflaged canvas tent top.

Carol had just finished covering up when Thor came out of the tall grass with Shoushan. I later found out she had worked as a social services manager at a women's half way house. She was a no-nonsense kind of person and I hadn't had a lot of luck getting to know her but she seemed kind to Carol if in a very clinical way so I left to see what else needed doing.

"Thor?" I'd found him looking around the encampment.

He was still in battle mode so I was succinct as I could be. "We aren't the first people this group has attacked. Carol … the survivor over there … was from Whiteman. And these piles, they remind me too much of the pictures from my world history book in the chapter on what happened to the Jews during World War II."

In a very clipped voice he said, "Yeah, it was bothering me beyond the obvious. The connection must have occurred to me too subconsciously. Make a quick survey, see what's here and what might be useful to us. Doesn't need to be detailed … and look through that pile of shoes to see if there's anything that will fit you."

I wanted to object but he'd already gone on to his next priority. I pulled out the little spiral note pad that I had been using to make notes and ideas in and flipped to the back and started making a very general list of what was lying around the encampment. In addition to the piles of clothing, shoes, glasses, hats there was an ammo can of jewelry and I did not want to know where it came from. There was also plastic storage tubs of canned goods divided into vegetables, fruits, meats, soups, and then one of ravioli and things like that. There were also a few tubs of convenience items in other packaging like cardboard and plastic. The best in my opinion were the tubs that held grains and beans; there wasn't much but with grains cooked the right way a little can go a long way.

I was shaking my head over some weirdness that I'd just noticed when Mrs. Chuckri made her way into the encampment. I saw her and rushed over to make sure the tiny woman could get around all of the trash and debris.

She smiled and said, "I will not break." Then her smile fell away. "This reminds me too much of my girlhood. The senseless violence, the destruction of human lives, the lack of care for even the most basic human dignity of those they perceive as enemy. I had thought never to see this again."

I wasn't sure what to do but I told her, "Maybe you should go back to the caravan."

"No, my daughters are old enough they should know how to take things in hand. Shoushan told me you were here alone looking over supplies. Is there anything we can do to help? You looked very pensive."

"It looks like they just opened packages and dumped things together. All of this rice isn't from the same batch, I can tell by the coloring. And look at this tub of bulk beans. It looks like anytime they ran across dried beans they opened the package and dumped them in here regardless of type." I shook my head at the mess.

Mrs. Chuckri looked around nearly as helpless as I trying to put things in some type of order. I looked around and didn't see Thor but Chuckri wasn't too far away. I waved at him to get his attention. "Thor wanted this generally gone over to see what there is. I've got about half of it done. Did he say when or if he wanted it taken to the wagons?"

He nodded, "When you're ready I'll send a few of the boys back here. Send the most valuable items first. We found several wagons off in the grass but they'll have to be cobbled together to get one or two that will actually work."

I could tell Chuckri wasn't real happy seeing his mother where she was at and her being back there was making me nervous as well. I couldn't do what Thor asked me to and protect her at the same time so I asked, "Chuckri, what about your mom organizing where she wants what after the boys have brought it to her?"

"Good idea. Mother?"

Fooled by neither one of us she still graciously admitted defeat and allowed Chuckri to take her back to the caravan. I was finally able to go through the rest of the flotsam. When Chuckri returned with two of his nephews I asked, "Chuckri?"

"Yeah Kid?"

"I … I've been afraid to ask. How's Richards?"

He looked over and gave me a wink. "He's OK Rocky. It was only a crease on his arm. When he jerked the reins the horse dumped him. He was cussing such a blue streak last time I checked that he had Grandmother swatting him with her fan. Surprised you didn't hear him back here. Elsapet won't let him get back on his horse until he's ready."

I was relieved. "Hey, can Taniel tell the difference between ammo?"

"I don't know. Tovmas can, why?"

"Some of this ammo is divided up but most of it looks like it has just been dumped all together. I don't even recognize some of this stuff."

At my last observation he came over. "Military. I'll send Barkley back here to pick that stuff out. We'll turn it over to the resources at Whiteman and get it off of the market."

"Shouldn't we keep it ourselves?"

"Why? We don't have those kinds of guns and they aren't practical for what we need. There's only a handful in there anyway. Not worth it."

"You're the boss."

"Who's the boss?" came Thor's growly voice.

After seeing him smile I curtsied and smiled, "Oh you are sir. Of course you are. Why I just don't know what I was thinking. Silly little ol' me." My southern belle falsetto antics had both men laughing out loud.

"And don't you forget it girly." After a moment both men pulled themselves together, glad that the brief firefight went our way. He asked me, "Ok, what do you have?"

I told him in general since things had already been moved out to the road. Then Chuckri said, "Problem. Alfonso said we'll only get one whole wagon and then some parts for the others but he doesn't have the equipment – or time – to do anything better than that. We are also going to have problems getting animals to pull more than one. We'll use two of the long horns to pull the new wagon so that we don't have to take any horses away from people, and Anoush and one of her sons will take turns driving it. It's not a perfect solution but it is better than none. The shortage of work horses, more than available drivers, is going to be the problem if we try and expand the number of wagons anymore."

"No more wagons," Thor said with finality. "We're moving slow enough as it is. In fact if we hadn't found this food I'd say not even bother with adding this one but it's too much weight to add to our existing ones." He turned to me, "Why are you still in those slippers? Were there not any boots to fit?"

"I haven't looked yet."

An impatient grunt met my answer. "Chuckri, if any of your people need clothing or boots tell 'em to get down here a-sap. I want to be moving east in fifteen minutes."

Chuckri turned to go back as Thor pointed at the pile of boots and shooed me that direction. "Rochelle, you need to take what you need when you need it as fast as you can instead of just letting other people go first all the time. Tonight I want you to go through those tubs and refill your pack. You take out what you think will be useful and then grab some stuff for my pack as well."

"Won't the Chuckris …"

I didn't even get to finish what I was saying. "I'm helping Tavit Chuckri out of friendship but I'm not going to move all of them without securing something for us. We've got a lot miles ahead of us after we drop the rest of them off. I don't want to have to start from scratch when we hit the trail." I could have kissed him right then and there but several of the others had started to show up and I'd still needed to find the mates of the two boots that I had found to fit, if fit imperfectly.

It was closer to thirty than fifteen when we finally started moving again much to Thor's displeasure. I looked around and realized that it was all just beginning to sink in for some of them. Being shot at, killing rather than taking prisoners, taking on another wagon. I figured they'd be having adjustment reactions for some time to come.

The woman Carol was riding in what I had started calling the "elder wagon" as was the other still insensible woman. Thor rode beside it getting as much information from Carol as he could in terms of just how careful we would need to be as we approached Whiteman.

"It is still heavily manned even though many of the bases around the country were allowed to fall. We're one of the consolidated foreign defense locations. Enough communication equipment was hardened off that we are still in contact with what passes for the federal government these days."

I heard Thor grill her a little more but it was plain that she'd given up just about all she was going to. Rather than risk getting to the base right as evening fell, Thor decided that we would stay at a little town called Montserrat. It was a skanky little place that had been worked over pretty hard by riots, fire, and salvagers. We circled the wagons south of the railroad tracks and had just told the kids they'd have to wait to set up a latrine until we could scout the area when we heard the click and jack of rifles being trained in our direction.


	36. Chapter 36

_**Chapter 36**_

I turned to grab the horse that one of the older kids had accidentally let loose when they'd become startled and that's the last thing I remember before hearing some strange man's voice laughing derisively, "Honestly Thor, when did you start swinging that way? What happened? Did Maggs really spoil you for all other women?"

Now my head felt scrambled but not to the point I didn't understand the crudeness I was hearing. It wasn't the first time that I'd been mistaken for a guy but it was the first time that particular assumption had been made. I cracked my eye open and saw some guy with a gun lazily pointed in Thor's general direction while braying like a mule's hind end after it ate something that disagreed with it. Two guys had Thor pinned but didn't have their weapons drawn. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Someone was more than a little over confident.

Trying to see what was going on I rolled my eye to the limits of my peripheral vision and saw there was a group of men and they had our people contained by threatening the kids of the caravan, but again they didn't seem to be as serious as they should be. A couple of the Chuckri family looked banged up and Alfonso's nose was running red like a faucet but otherwise I didn't see anything serious.

The guy talking brought my attention back around. "Drop the altruistic act old friend, you can't pull it off worth a #$%. So again I'm gonna ask you, who are you working for?"

When Thor wouldn't respond one of the guys holding him kicked him in the kidney. Thor grunted painfully but gave his captors as little as possible to satisfy their sadistic streak. I made sure no one got another chance to beat on Thor. I put everything I had into making sure the tip of my steel-toed boot made contact with Mr. Chuckle's knee resulting in the maximum damage possible.

There was an audible snap and then a shriek. I vaulted up and my not insubstantial fist met one of Thor's captors upside his head. Thor took the other one down. I didn't need him to tell me "no mercy" this time.

The guy I'd knee capped was trying to get his weapon aimed and since it had been so satisfying the first time I did him again only this time putting him down with a kick to the temple. I grabbed his weapon but turned to find the crew really didn't needs guns to be lethal.

Suddenly there was a wrenching pain as my back spasmed; like I was getting swarmed by yellow jackets all in one spot. I swiped my hand back there, felt wires and yanked. I turned and jerked the box they were attached to out of a woman's hands and then reached for her.

I managed to grab a handful of over processed hair and shook her like a rag doll. She complained loudly. "You can't do this to me! I'm a woman!" the little poodle headed female yelled at me.

"So am I you dimwit." I told her calmly in return as I picked her up and then slammed her down to the ground in a classic wrestling move I'd practiced with a couple of my guy friends much to my mother's displeasure. My adrenaline level was really pumping as the endorphins practically flew through my system.

Thor and I backed towards each other. I asked, "So what did I miss to wake up to the party already in full swing?"

He groaned, "Don't play with me right now Rochelle. My heart nearly ripped out of my chest when I saw you go down."

"OK, then can you at least tell me why I went down? All I remember was grabbing for a horse that was trying to take off."

I growled, "They shot you with a dart."

Flabbergasted I responded, "Well apparently their dart was a dud, or close to one. I couldn't have been out long."

"You were out freaking forty minutes!" he growled menacingly. "I was beginning to wonder if …" He wouldn't finish what he was saying but I could imagine. We were too busy trying to see out into the dark to check for any more surprises but I bumped him from the behind and rubbed my shoulders against his back.

When our perimeter had been secured I waited while Thor did his thing and Richards gave me the once over. He found the bruise from the dart on the back of my left arm but that seemed to be the only visible damage. My back hurt worse than my arm did. I gave Alfonso the remains of the wired taser and then asked him, "That guy seemed to know Thor. Who was he?"

"Ask Thor," was the only answer I got and not just from Alfonso. Even Richards' lips were sealed tight over the information they obviously had.

When I saw Thor rolling the guy I'd knee capped over I realized that I'd done even more damage than I had meant to. I walked over slowly, throwing a long shadow from the fire that was being put together to light the camp as the sun went down.

"Thor?" I asked hesitantly.

"Don't you dare regret this Rochelle. He wouldn't if your places were reversed."

I thought about that for a moment then asked, "Who was he? He knew you and none of the crew will tell me."

Rather than answer me he started to walk towards the woman. I grabbed his arm. "Don't. She's playing 'possum. Her eyeballs have been rolling around under her lids."

A pathetic little moan that would have wrapped most men around her finger issued from her rosebud mouth; it had the opposite effect on me. I told her, "Get a grip or did I knock your brains out as well as your breath?"

I saw her nostrils flare and knew that I'd scored but she was intent on playing her role. She was still acting pathetic though Thor did seem to be keeping his distance. Richards went to go over to her and I asked, "Do you guys have a death wish or something? That chick jabbed me in the back with some voltage. She looks cuddlesome but my guess is she is more like a viper." Then quick before she could have reacted if she hadn't been watching and listening I kicked a hot ember at her.

Boy was she quick. She was up and running but I was on her and she went back down, this time with my knees in her back. She made this unladylike oomph noise as the wind left her again.

I looked at all of the guys who were just standing around gapping and said, "What? Are you guys waiting to get your jollies from watching a cat fight or is someone going to give me a hand here?"

It was Shoushan that came over with some rope and helped me tie the woman up and then surprised me by giving her a very thorough pat down and throwing some nasty toys off to the side out of reach. She nodded silently at me and then went back to her family but not before putting a less than sisterly elbow in Chuckri's side.

I decided sitting on the woman was rather easier to do that watching her try and wiggle off into the bushes. "Now … will someone please explain why the lot of you look like you've been hypnotized by a cobra? Or do I get the answers from the beauty queen here?"

Thor raised an eyebrow and asked, "Since when did you start to be so blood thirsty?"

I didn't have to answer because Pilbos said, "You've obviously never seen her play man. She can seriously kick …"

"That's enough," I told him mildly but my face must have told him exactly what I would do to him if he didn't knock off being my defender. One, I didn't need it and two, I didn't need it from him. He took the warning good naturedly enough and went over to help his brothers and cousins.

I turned and just continued to look at Thor with my eyebrow raised. He finally broke first with a grin he totally fought giving me. Then he sighed. "The man was Rick Roads, part time contractor, full time mercenary. The woman is his sister, Margaret Roads."

Well, well, well. "Hmmm. And I take it 'Maggs' was a particular friend of yours at some point in the past?"

I got an unhappy grunt. I turned to look at Ms. Maggs and caught her looking daggers at me. "How do you do? My name is Rocky. You even think about sinking your claws into Thor again and I'll strip the skin from your body and stretch it for curing. Sorry about your brother … oh wait … no I'm not." That got her kicking up a fuss but all I did was bounce up and down on her a couple of times and she stopped real quick. "That's better. Now, would you like to answer some questions for the nice men here or do I employ your brother's methods of persuasion?"

A sudden electrical clicking followed by a intercom squeal had the entire crew going on even higher alert than we already were. Several of the children started crying.

"Hellooo the camp. Carol? Carol Sneed? Are you in harm's way?"

The woman named Carol suddenly beamed. "Not any more Charlie!" She turned to Thor. "It's a patrol from Whiteman. I would like to go with them if you'll give me a hand getting the other woman out of the wagon."

Maggs was fighting furiously to escape. "My goodness, it's totally rude to leave the party so soon," I told her and then I bounced once really hard making the air leave her in a funny bark. "Tut, tut, tut. Miss Manners would be so disappointed."

I found Thor giving me an odd look but then he was distracted by a man coming out of the bushes waving a white … well, not white exactly but it was close enough … handkerchief. "Carol?" he called.

"Hang on Charlie. Give them some space. You really don't want to make these guys twitchy."

Introductions were made and a truce was called which was soon turned into an out and out offer of safe passage when they relayed Carol's rescue, the destruction of the ambushers, as well as the eradication of what was locally known as the Roads Gang to base command.

The man Charlie said, "We'll take Maggie Roads back to the base and put her on public trial. Carol and that other woman will be taken to the base hospital for treatment but it will have to wait for morning for our reliefs to get here with a vehicle."

Alfonso broke in to ask, "You have cars?"

Charlie rolled his eyes, "If you want to call them that. We cobbled together some stripped down buggies to use as haulers outside of the base. I'd as soon make Maggie here crawl but Carol and that other woman aren't in the shape for walking and we avoid riding the horses double when we can help it; we've found it puts both rider and passenger at too much risk."

Charlie and his group continued their patrol while our camp made to go to sleep. I personally took a great deal of pleasure in using way more rope than necessary to secure Maggs to a handy lamp post. While no one was looking I also added two more strips of duct tape across her mouth. Yes, I knew I was being vindictive. Yes, I knew that I was acting like a jealous shrew. I won't make excuses for it but I will say that I would not have been too keen on anyone that had been part of treating me first like a zoo animal and then second like a science experiment.

I was debating whether I wanted to throw my bedroll out and sit on it to keep watch on the woman or whether I'd just remain standing when Thor took the decision out of my hands. Barkley was set to watch the prisoner since he'd never fallen for her.

"Are you telling me he is the only one?" I asked incredulous that such seemingly smart men could behave in such a brainless way.

"No." The quietly he said, "Evans never liked her at all."

"Oh."

Caught in a moment of grieving I looked up to realize Thor had pulled me off to the dark side of the camp. "Hey what …"

Thor was pulling my shirt tail out. "Hold still. I want to check to make sure you aren't hurt."

"Richards already checked and …"

Then his hands were where they shouldn't have been and I ended on a strangled sigh. "You have got to stop doing that."

"Why?"

"Because."

"Not a good enough reason. Does this hurt?"

"You know doggone good and well it doesn't hurt and in fact feels just the opposite. You're doing that on purpose just to drive me crazy. How am I supposed to think when you insist on not behaving?"

"I thought I already told you … I always behave, I just don't always behave well."

I snorted and finally found the wherewithal to put his hands someplace safer for both of us. "You never did get around to telling me how you knew that man … and his sister."

Thor sighed deeply. "Rochelle there are some things I'm just going to leave in the past and how I met up with those two is one of 'em. Suffice it to say that we were assigned to work together before I knew what their character was and in the process I made some choices I wished I could unmake. The only regret I don't have over it is that it made me a wiser man in several different ways." He held me, kissed my temple, and then asked, "Can you let me leave it at that?"

"Are you over her?"

"Yes."

"You sure?"

"Very yes."

I thought about it and then said, "OK … but I make no promises not to get a little jealous and thump you hard if you start saying her name in your sleep. You don't even want to know what I'll do to you if you accidentally call me by her name." He smiled and kissed me like he thought I was joking. I didn't do anything to change his mind even though I knew that I wasn't.

The next morning it was barely light but our camp was ready to roll and only waiting on Charlie's relief patrol to show up so that they could provide the safe escort that was promised. He came up and said, "Look, there's a farmer's market of sorts going on today and tomorrow in Knob Noster. There's been a fair amount of trading going on and it would give the Major time to get out here and talk to you as well. He's authorized me to get you set up in one of the buildings reserved for any base personnel that wants to attend the market. You'll have the place to yourself as we have two such lots but we rarely need them both at the same time. The Major really wants to talk to you."

Thor looked at Uncle Bedros who nodded slightly. Turning back to Charlie, "This place have space for our wagons and animals?"

"Yeah," he said. "The one that I'll lead you to has a tall chain link fence in the back. It was a building supply warehouse. We use it when we take the haulers to town. You'll have to bed down on bare floor though. We stripped the inside when it got overrun by fleas. Watch any little ones you have, there might still be some borax around the baseboards."

I was curious but not particularly thrilled by another delay. My back and arm was also sore. My lack of enthusiasm must have shown.

"You don't want to spend the day shopping?" Thor teased.

I gave him the dead eye look. "Shopping brings me no pleasure and never has. You try finding appropriate female attire for this body a few times and you'd feel the same way."

He made a face that told me he hadn't thought of it like that. "OK, but why don't you look around and see if there is anything that we could use. We'll work out paying for it somehow."

I just looked at him. When he didn't get it I raised my eyebrows. He still didn't get it. I looked at him harder and then jerked my head towards the saddle bags on my horse. I rolled my eyes when he finally got it.

"Just hang onto that. You might not need it. I've got some stashed away."

My mouth fell open. "Oh please tell me you aren't going all guy on me are you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." Oh yes he did.

I sighed and grabbed his hand and pulled him so that we could have a little privacy without getting stared at in case we were about to have another fight. "Thor … OK, instead of lying to me or telling me what you think I want to hear, just explain it to me. If I don't like what I hear then we'll deal with it but c'mon … don't treat me like a kid. I thought we were passed that at least."

He looked at me before saying, "A guy wants to provide certain things for his woman."

"Yeah. Got that. Watched my dad do the whole he-man thing with my mom. But what's this all about?"

"I just told you," he said.

"No. You just told me one of the few things I already knew about guys in general. But we're not talking about guys in general. We are talking about you in particular."

He was losing his patience. "I've really got to spell it out for you?"

"Isn't that I what I just said? C'mon Thor … I wouldn't ask if I understood. Give me some credit that I wouldn't be annoying you just to get a reaction. I'm not senile. I want to do what works for both of us. I'm not liking what I'm hearing but I'll back off if it is something non-negotiable. But if it is something non-negotiable I at least deserve some kind of explanation I can understand. Doncha think?"

He leaned against a tree and just looked at me. Then chuffed a small laugh and shook his head. "Rochelle, I'm following you to your land, to your home. What do I have to offer compared to what you've already got? A guy likes to bring something to the table and provide something that keeps his pride from getting eat up."

I looked at him finally getting it. "OK but before I completely cave here I want to remind you of a few somethings. You've been bringing stuff to the table since the beginning. One, you've been giving me your protection in one form or another whether I thought I needed it or not … even when I wasn't being completely forthcoming about who and what I was. Two, despite all the problems associated with the who and what of being me you've still offered me more acceptance than 99.9% of the human population pre-collapse and post-collapse and Evans' death you are now registering at 100%. Three, and don't expect me to say this too often while we are in company, I am so hot for your bod in a way I've never experienced before that I still feel jealous enough of that wench to go take her head off. Four …"

I never got to four as Thor decided to take the conversation in a different direction. By the time I was allowed to come up for air I'd forgotten what four was supposed to be. "Rochelle … what do you do to me?"

"I think you've asked me that before. I still don't have a clue." I don't know how he expected me to answer and make sense when I was still clearing the stars from my eyes.

"Just check the market out. We'll deal with the other on a case-by-case basis. But I won't be a kept man. Just remember that."

Determined to tease him into a slightly less serious state of mind I said, "Kept man? You mean I don't get to keep you? So, are we talking a short term or long term lease then because I really …"

"… am about to get turned over my knee," he finished. "Stop teasing me or you're going to wind up making us all late."

I smiled as I stepped back out of his reach before telling him, "We're already late. What's a few more minutes?"

He growled, "It'd be more than a few minutes." Then he made a playful grab at me and I knew we were all right again. Geez, learning all of this guy stuff was a lot harder than I had thought it was going to be. Being friends with a guy was turning out to be a lot different than being a lot more than friends with him.

It was about three miles from Montserrat and Knob Noster but I think I could have walked it faster with both my legs in casts than the speed we drove it. We finally got off of 50 and turned onto Hwy 132 and then over to a building that faced a green space that was rapidly filling with people.

Charlie said, "We'll go get you guys settled and then leave you alone for a bit. If you're willing, the Major will be around later this afternoon. The market will run two days and I know from experience people sometimes wait until the second day to bring the best stuff out. Oh … and just got a call with the info that the barometer is falling so it looks like we might be in for a storm. We can get humdingers this time of year so keep an eye out."

With the incentive of getting a chance at the market, setting up an indoor camp went more quickly and smoothly than it had up to that point. People were soon divided up into groups and we began to take turns seeing what was available.


	37. Chapter 37

_**Chapter 37**_

Well la de da, some folks sure do think a lot of their junk once they put it on sale. And looking around at the other shoppers I saw that I wasn't the only one just rubbernecking through the booths. There was a lot of picking up and looking but very little actual buying going on, at least at the tables and blankets on the side of the market I entered first.

The market was a maze of people, wagons, blankets, and folding tables and containers holding items for sale. At first it appeared to be nothing more than pick-a-spot-where-you-could-find-one but in actuality it was fairly organized despite initial appearances. If you could have gotten a look from above you would have seen that the market was set up in a large square grid pattern. At every major "avenue" and "intersection" there were people that controlled the chaos – for a cut of the profits naturally – and I saw "enforcers" going around making sure things stayed on the up and up and any ruckus was squelched and dealt with quickly. People were encouraged to keep their casual conversations to a minimum or to take them outside the market to a picnic area that had been set up just outside the four gates into the market.

The four sections that made up the square were broken down into small, medium, and large lots where people rented space to barter or sell their items. The four sections were further organized into types of items being sold or bartered. I'd entered through the "household goods" gate and that term could be applied to just about anything from useless brick-a-brack to toys and sporting goods to books to more useful kitchen tools. There was a sub-section devoted to linens and clothing and another to shoe, boots, and head gear. Most of that area would trade back and forth in barter goods and the deals were only limited to your ability to haggle. There were also a large number of booths devoted to gardening where you could buy plant starts, seeds, garden implements, and there was even a booth there that was doing soil and water testing.

Then there were the areas that were "cash-only." For example, there was a section for hunting and fishing and it had a couple of booths where guys were selling and producing reloads. There was a gunsmith and a gun dealer too. This area of the market had an extra heavy security detail. Some of it seemed to be provided by the market managers but some of them also looked like private security forces. They wore the same aura that Thor and our crew wore like a second skin. If we hadn't found that ammo from the ambushers' camp I would have been doing some serious bargaining at the reloading benches but as it was I had plenty and I knew that unless something had gone wrong Dad's stuff would still be waiting on me at the farm.

The other area where it was primarily cash-only was the food booths. There were lots of booths with lots of fresh produce, a few baked goods tables, a table that was doing a heck of a business selling cheese, and then the big wagons that were selling grains and root crops by the bushel full. I just hung out for a while trying to figure things out. Finally I got up the courage and just approached one of the security guys and asked for some directions to someone that could tell me what the exchange rate was.

I must have startled the guy because he jumped and then grinned, "Hey! You're a girl."

"Uh … yeah … last time I checked anyway."

"Wait … you're with that crew that took out the Roads Gang."

Oh brother did that ever that start everyone rubbernecking at me. I tried to get out of there but there was no getting after people started cornering me with questions.

"Um, hey, look everybody I just … you know … want to see about some supplies for my group. If someone could just explain those little round coins y'all are using …"

"I'll explain 'em to you if you'd like to come over here," a middle aged man told me.

"No! I'll do it!" a guy standing at the booth next to him said.

A third guy tried to get in on the action with an affronted, "Hey! You can't have her all to yourselves."

I was getting a little freaked out. "That's enough! I ain't never had a buncha boys fight over me my whole life and I'm not about to start. This is getting silly. I'll just come back when everyone is in a better frame of mind."

I went to leave and ran nose first into Thor's shoulder. "Now you show up? Really?" I complained at him.

He realized I was upset for real and not just playing and he asked, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

He raised an eyebrow in disbelief before saying, "That's the somethingest 'nothing' I think I've ever heard from you."

I wasn't in the mood. "Knock it off Thor. Let's just go."

I tried to get through the crowd but too many people were still nosing in my direction. I did not like it at all and am not ashamed to say stuck to Thor like a burr. "Did someone upset you?" he asked starting to go all growly where anyone nearby could hear.

"Don't start. It's bad enough that some of those ol' boys were acting like I was a bone to be fought over. I don't need you acting just as bad. I swear there has got to be something in the air all of a sudden. I never had to deal with this kind of silliness before." I really wasn't in the mood. I hated being stared at and there seemed to be way too many people doing it. I know some people would wonder how I played football if I didn't like being watched but that was different. I can't explain just how it was different but it was.

Obviously though I'd activated Thor's protective gene and he started giving the folks I'd backed away from what I called the Viking Eye. Give the man a sledgehammer and he might have passed for his namesake only without the winged helmet you used to see in the comic books. Well, without the cute spandex outfit though I had a good imagination … a really good imagination; made me wonder what Thor would look like in a football uniform. I wound up having to shake my head to clear it and give myself a really good talking to.

After Thor made his claim on me obvious this one older man grinned good naturedly and said, "Well, you can't blame 'em for trying. You're woman is a right sturdy thing and luckily ain't that hard on the eyes. Story says she's also good at taking care of herself. Several men around these parts are needin' a wife like that and all the ones that are available right now are puny little things whot needs too much taking care of. A man needs to bring himself less work, not more."

After I'd heard that bit of nonsense I'd been completely happy had a hole opened up under me so long as I got to pull it in afterwards to hide myself. Thor didn't help when he said, "You bet she can look after herself and any man fool enough to think otherwise ain't long for this world."

Now it was my turn to give Thor the eye. I said through gritted teeth, "You are not helping at all. Knock … it … off." All I got in return was an unrepentant grin.

Suddenly it became a guys' club and everyone was all joking and carrying on … more than a few times at my expense. I suppose I could have made a fuss but they reminded me too much of the men where I grew up. As long as they were making a bunch of noise they were fairly harmless. When they got quiet is when you needed to watch them.

We got a good story after the men finally got around to explaining the little coins they were using. Turns out that it was too complicated for people to accept jewelry as payment despite the fact that is what most people had their gold and silver in the form of so what the local economy did was to start melting the jewelry down and turning it into stamped blanks that were various sizes and karats which corresponded with a certified weight.

What most people did was turn in their jewelry and real silverware to the blank makers who would melt it and pour it, weigh it and stamp it. That standardized everything making trade easier.

One of the men that had embarrassed me earlier said, "Don't get it wrong though, real coins still are worth more than these stamped blanks." He held up a couple of the plain metal disks. "Any one of us will take a real coin over a blank during any deal for obvious reasons."

Hearing that I nearly grinned. I'd already taken several of the coins out of the money belts I still habitually wore. Thor had asked me about them but we really hadn't gotten into particulars. I think he assumed it was something that had belonged to Evans. I was going to have to explain things in more detail but not until I had worked on him some about the money issue. As it was I was hoping that he'd forgive me for what I proceeded to do.

I asked, "You mean like this?" I reached down into Thor's front pocket making him jump and then pulled out a silver coin that I'd "found" there. He stiffened up and made to grab my hand which really added to the act and made it more convincing.

Thor got some good natured ribbing about leaving his wallet where his woman could get at it but he was also suddenly taken much more seriously in terms of barter. I sat back and watched a master haggler at work. He got wheat, corn, some potatoes, and beans and even managed to get some bulk rice.

Uncle Bedros and Ludvig had come up during the haggling and when it was all done they agreed to pay Thor for the greater bulk of what he'd managed to obtain. They couldn't pay in coin but they'd work out something. After everything was agreed on Ludvig went to get a couple of helpers and they hauled the food stuff to our quarters for the evening. Thor and I walked towards the other areas of the market and he bought us a couple of sausages on sticks, paying for this with a couple of .22 bullets.

"Rochelle …"

Trying to head off any problems I said, "I knew you could do it. Gosh those guys were making me uncomfortable. Who would have ever thought in a million years that someone would think of me as a real girl so quickly. And did you see Uncle Bedros' face?"

"Rochelle … give it up." I calmed down waiting for the explosion but instead he put his arm around me and then pulled me in close enough that he stole a bite of the sausage that I'd been eating.

"Hey!"

He just laughed wickedly and I could only roll my eyes and grin in relief.

"Rochelle."

"Yeah?"

He leaned in close to my ear and said, "You can stick your hands in my pockets anytime you want to."

"Oh you!" I said and then tried to push him away but he refused to go. He just laughed at my outrage and we both ended up laughing and just enjoying the next couple of hours as we went from table to table. It was the closest I'd ever really come to doing something couple-y. The time spent with Jonathon didn't count as I realized for me it had still all been about friendship and nothing else. It was nice but kind of funny too. We must have made quite a picture as people tended to scramble out of our way pretty quick as we walked along.

Most of the stuff we saw really was just flotsam leftover from the way people used to live their daily lives but there were a few decent things; we did manage to pick up a few things like some small waxed cheeses, some dried sausage sticks and jerky, a half pound of salt, and Thor traded a pocket knife he'd picked off one of the ambushers for a pile of hair doodads for me. Not long after that Richards walked up with Elsapet.

"That Major is waiting over at the camp. You want me to tell him to pound sand or you gonna meet with him?"

Thor didn't take a half second to change gears and go all business, leaving to go tend to our obligations. But he told me, "Finish out your turn. No sense in both of us going back."

The market wasn't near as fun after he'd left. Richards and Elsapet wandered away together leaving me grinning for the moment over the idea that Thor and I weren't the only ones taking advantage of time out from under the strict eyes of the Chuckri elders. It wasn't that they were rude or mean, but it was certainly like being babysat by the preacher's wife on occasion. I did manage to make a good sized deal of my own but Thor pitched kittens after he found out how it had come about.

I was going through the aisles faster than I had when Thor had been with me, making note of a few items here and there that I would come back for tomorrow to see if the price had come down. I had stopped to look at a pile of denim material and sheets of leather because several of the crew were wearing thin spots in their gear but I lost my train of thought when something caught my eye. I'd noticed these two guys when Thor was around because people seemed to be giving them a wide berth the same as they did us. I caught the guy behind the table watching them as well and refusing to meet my eyes when I dickered with him about the price.

I had been the butt of too many attempted practical jokes to miss that something was up. I decided that it was as good a time as any to head back to camp but I decided to do it the long way around just to be on the safe side. Unfortunately I couldn't shake the two guys. I got held up by an argument at another table blocking the walkway and then they were soon crowding me.

"Hey, back up already," I told them trying to bluff my way out of it.

"Now what is a pretty little thing like you doing out here all alone?" one of the guys asked, only he didn't really mean what he was saying. I could tell by his tone that he was doing his best to insult me with the opposite meaning.

The other one tried to come up behind me but I kept moving to avoid it. "All right, what is it you guys are after?"

The second guy said, "I like her. Direct. To the point. Saves us some time."

"Maggs said play with her," the first guy responded.

"Yeah, well Maggs isn't here and this is boring. Let's do her and go have some fun."

"Fine," the first guy agreed. He turned his full attention back to me and said, "Maggs sent us to give you a present. Hope you enjoy it."

Then they both rushed me. Idiots. They failed to know their enemy. These guys weren't small but they weren't big either. Mostly they won their fights by being bullies and using fear and intimidation. I'd spent a few years going up against guys bigger than I was and who packed a whole lot more weight than those two little rats did. The one thing that I didn't like was that the first guy had a knife. I focused my attention on staying out of his reach.

Our ruckus melted into the fight that the argument behind me had turned into. Then the whole thing turned into a regular brawl. But those enforcers knew their job and soon they had everyone contained. I didn't fight them. I had noticed earlier in the day if you just stopped and let them do their job they didn't beat on you and I was ready to just let them take care of the two guys since I didn't have any back up from the crew.

One of the enforcers just shook his head. "You know, I'm getting tired of this. All of you head to the ring. Now." Not knowing what the "ring" was I was more than reluctant to go, especially as some of the brawlers started to look nervous.

Outside the market on the extreme outer edge of the picnic area was an honest to goodness fight ring only it was for caged fighting. "Please tell me I'm seeing things," I mumbled under my voice.

One of the enforcers overheard me and said, "Sorry to disappoint you sweetheart."

"You people are really going to make us fight? I didn't want a fight in the first place. I was attacked."

He shrugged, "Then you must have done something to provoke the fight. Playing one guy off the other maybe?"

"Are you kidding?! Look at me. I'm not exactly what you call a fem fatale. This is ridiculous."

"Doesn't matter either way. When you entered the market you agreed to the rules of how we operate. We have a strict code about disrupting other people's business. One of the possible penalties is doing time in the ring. You just happened to draw the short straw."

I snorted getting irritated and concerned in equal measure. "OK, what are the rules?"

"Only one rule. Winner walks away."

I couldn't possibly have heard right. "Excuse me?"

A female enforcer walked over and looked at me in some sympathy. She turned to the other guy and said, "I'll handle it. Why don't you go help Ernie deal with those three crybabies up front." She turned to me and said, "Can you take a beating?"

"You're kidding. Right?"

"No Hon, I'm not. They treat women that try to start trouble extra harsh around here so if you don't want to go before the Council and likely get … worse … I'd just try and hang on as long as I could in the ring. Think of this as the Roman Coliseum but we don't usually let the fights go to the death."

"Usually?! Do I look like a freaking gladiator to you?" At her honest perusal and look I told her, "Never mind. Are weapons involved or are we just supposed to beat the snot out of each other?"

"No guns but anything else you have on you is fair game."

"Lovely. Just do me a favor. If a big guy shows up – about a head taller than me – stay out of his way because he is so not going to be a happy camper. Don't even bother trying to talk to him. Between him and the rest of the crew you'll have your hands full." I shook my head at Thor's likely reaction.

"Crew?"

"Yeah, he's over talking to some Major or other from Whiteman. Crud. Looks like they are really going to dump us all together," I said watching the action at they started forcing all of the people they'd caught into the ring at the same time. I turned back to the woman, "Like I said, if he shows up, just get out of the way. Fewer people will get hurt that way."

She started to say something else but one of her co-workers got behind me with a rifle and I figured it wasn't worth getting shot over to find out what she'd been saying. Besides I needed all my attention on what was about to happen in the ring.

What a mess. I thought at first that it would be every man for themselves but it turned out that people would gang up. The strongest would gang up on the weakest. The weakest would gang up trying to take out one strong guy at a time. I dodged and weaved for a few minutes managing to stay out of the worst of it though I did wind up having to toss a couple of people over the fence when they tried to play rough. The two guys that had gotten me tossed into the Mad Hatter's tea party were tracking me again and I could see they were trying to make their move so I decided it was time for me to make mine. I just hoped my head was up for it. I did not relish the idea of running into the cyclone fence posts at full speed.

My primary objective was to take out the guy that had the knife first. It turned out to be relatively easy. I simply bull dozed him into one of the heavy metal support posts. I definitely missed my pads and helmet but the guy's middle was fairly squishy so the landing wasn't that bad. Guy #2 was harder because he kept using other people to shield himself with. Then some guy jumped on my back and all heck broke loose.

I never did see who took out the second guy but it wasn't me. By the time I had a chance to notice the fighters were down to just three with me being one of them. The other two turkeys tried to tag team me but they were running out of steam. They got in some good licks but I eventually managed to grab them both by the scruffs of the necks and slam them together. It sounded like I was knocking two sticks of wood together when their foreheads met. They still had a little bit of wiggle to them so I did it once more and then another time after that for good measure.

I looked around and there was no one left standing inside the ring. I spit and saw pink and was tempted to cuss then figured I had enough to ask forgiveness for though Dad had always said that a thought was as good as the deed when it came to sinning. Yep, I was in trouble.

I was finally able to shake off most of the adrenaline still pumping through my system at light speed and kept waiting for someone to say something.

"What?" I snarled. "Do I have to knock myself out too to escape from this zoo cage?"

The woman that had explained things ran up and jerked the keys out of the hand of a guy that was just standing there with his mouth hanging open. "I … cannot believe …. (oomph, dang this lock needs some graphite) … that you're still standing. Most of the time even the winners look like they're about to pass out."

There wasn't anything worth saying to that and I was still trying to get my anger under control. I didn't want any more trouble and acting like an enraged giantess was a sure way to get it.

"Hey … that guy never showed up."

"Yeah, so I see. Lucky for you. I'm stuck still having to explain this to him."

I tried to walk off but she stopped me. "Hey, don't you want it?"

"Want what?"

"The prize."

I looked at her. "There's a prize? What for?"

"Incentive."

I just shook my head. "You'd think not getting the crud beat out of yourself would be incentive enough."

She laughed, "Some of these ol' boys are too hard headed to get that so there's an incentive."

I wanted to tell her hard headed isn't what I would call people around those parts. Insane was more like it but I was too busy mopping the blood off my chin where someone had run into my nose with their head and caused it to turn into a faucet and trying to feel if my eyes was bruised or just sore where someone else had caught me on the side of my head with their shoe … luckily a tennis shoe and not a boot.

Everyone was pretty much keeping their distance. I was tempted to turn around and growl at them and give them crazy face just to see if I could make any of them run but I figured that would be taking things a little too far.

"Well, tell me what this incentive is so I can get going. I'm late as it is."

She laughed, really laughed. Apparently she was enjoying how a bunch of guys were now scared of some girl. "You know, I've warned them for months that one of these days some woman was going to turn around and give them what for. I do believe there will be a change in attitude just as soon as this story gets around."

"Gee, so glad I could aid your cause."

She just laughed more and walked me over to an older man who didn't say squat but gave me a drawstring bag and then hurried away.

"Odds are made and bets placed at the beginning of the fight. The more people fighting the greater the odds and the higher the betting pool gets. Each fighter has a bet placed in their own name and the winner gets that as the prize. The more likely a person is to win, the smaller the prize, and vice versa. No one figured you'd be the one to be left standing."

I opened the drawstring and said, "No kidding." There was a pretty good pot of the market currency in that little bag.

"I'd get rid of it as quick as you can. Spend it back into the community. That usually builds good will and all is forgiven. Actually, I've gotta go myself … you won me a nice little pot and I have a man that I'm going to spend it on."

She left with a smile on her face and I ignored everyone else the best I could and headed to one of the stands that I had meant to go back to the next day. Honey. The real stuff. The stand had several barrels of it but it was nearly worth its weight in gold and silver. I had only meant to get my bear filled back up but with the prize I bought a five gallon bucket full causing quite a stir. The owner of the stand even gave me a discount because he'd won some money on the fight.

That blasted bucket was heavy so I hiked it up onto my shoulder and headed back to camp. When I got there I was really nervous about facing Thor. I even thought of hiding out for a while 'til it got dark so my face wouldn't look quite so rough but I heard thunder and felt the first couple of drops of rain as I stood there debating. I ultimately decided just to face the music; the sooner confessed the sooner mended.

I entered the warehouse and said to Thor's back, "Hey Sugar, you'll never guess what …"

Then he turned around. Uh oh. It appeared that the tale had reached him sooner than I expected.


	38. Chapter 38

_**Chapter 38**_

It was two in the morning and I still hadn't been able to sleep. I had an hour left on my shift and I was cringing at the thought of it ending. For the most part I had kept myself together and done my duty after the blow up with Thor but I knew I'd need to deal with it sooner rather than later and I wasn't looking forward to letting myself feel anything.

The only concession he made was when I quietly asked that if he was going to call me on the carpet to at least do it in private. I was prepared to suck it up and take it like a grown up. I knew he was going to be upset. I thought he'd get some growling in and then I'd be able to tell him my side of things and then we'd work it out and I'd … I don't know, I just knew that I was willing to do a lot to keep him from being angry at me. But I never got the chance.

He kept getting nastier and nastier and angrier and angrier. Every time I tried to say something he told me to shut up and not make excuses. After about the fifth or sixth time he said it I just didn't bother trying any more. Then he started in with how disappointed he was and how could he have been so stupid to make such a mistake again. Again. Maggs I thought, or maybe he had a slew of women in his past … and now I was just another something in his past.

I wanted to get angry. I looked hard inside myself to find some, and if not anger something to fight with but I had nothing left. I'd stripped away all of my protective coloring thinking I didn't need it anymore, at least not with him. The rest of my energy had gone into the fight. I was just spent. I didn't have anything left to give.

I just stopped listening at that point. I heard what he was saying but I was trying to keep out the feelings that the meanings of the words were causing. I guess he thought I was blowing him off. He grabbed my arm and he just happen to hit the bruise left over from the dart. The pain penetrated my calm and I must have made a face because he dropped my arm like it was a hot coal and backed away from me. The look of disgust on his face hurt more than all the rest of it put together. He turned and left and I was a long time trying to pull myself together and not let out any of the tears that were trying to escape.

There wasn't anything to do. I turned to go out to the main area and separate my gear from his. It was really strange how fast our stuff had gotten mixed together in such a short time. Shoushan came over while I was busy trying to act normal.

"Did he hit you?" she asked quietly.

Startled I asked, "What?"

"Did … Thor … hit … you?" she repeated.

Affronted I said, "Of course not."

She nodded her head. "Good. I wasn't sure about him. Even when they don't mean to hurt you big guys like that sometimes don't know their own strength." She continued to look at me while I carefully tried to remain polite as every second ticking by felt like a strip of flesh was being peeled from my body. "You should let Elsapet look at you."

"I'm fine. It's just surface stuff."

She nodded again. "The hurt you're feeling won't be helped by salve or bandaids."

I stopped for a moment, not looking at her. "No. No it won't. Um, do me a favor? Tell your mother to have someone put that bucket in the food wagon; it's full of honey."

"You fought for honey?" she asked stupefied.

"No. I fought to keep my head from being bashed in. The honey was an unexpected bonus."

"So the fight wasn't your idea," she muttered.

"No," I told her, unwilling and unable to explain myself while I was feeling the way I did.

"You should explain it to Tavit. He can …"

"No. Look Shoushan, I … I appreciate what you're trying to do but … better to deal with this now than later when it would just hurt worse. It seems like it was bound to happen one way or the other." Only I couldn't imagine it hurting worse. There was no way that anything could hurt worse than I was feeling right then.

After I'd finished packing and then thrown it in another corner I'd tried to go outside but the rain was really pelting. As bad as it was raining there wasn't any going back in. I climbed the cat walk and went up a level and decided to try and nonchalantly watch it rain though an opaque window.

I was up there I don't know how long before someone joined me. "Pilbos, I don't mean to be rude but I'm not in the mood. OK?"

"No. I mean I understand." After a slight pause he said, "I'm sorry."

I turned to look at him and then it clicked. "You were the one that blabbed before I had a chance to explain things."

He looked very uncomfortable but also rather defiant. "I didn't know he was going to react like … like he did. I thought it was totally cool how you won and I only got the story second hand. One girl against all those guys. Best caged fight battle ever if the stories are true."

"I wasn't there because I wanted to be," I told him.

"Yeah, that's what Shoushan said but … I don't get it. If you didn't want to fight how did you wind up in the ring?"

I looked at him and just sighed when I admitted to myself he wasn't just going to go away without some kind of explanation. "Apparently it doesn't matter who starts a fight, if you're in one the local enforcers spread the blame around and everyone experiences equal opportunity punishment."

"So who did you start the fight with?"

I rolled my eyes. "I told you, I didn't start a fight. Two guys were hassling me and then ran us into another bunch that were already fighting. All of us got thrown in together."

"Why didn't you say something? They wouldn't have made you fight if it wasn't your fault. I mean, you could use the girl card and gotten out of it."

I snorted and my bruised nose zinged making me cringe. "One, they don't care about the girl card … because frankly I tried it a little bit. And two, I already told you it doesn't matter if you start the fight or not, they feel like they are going to be the ones to meet out punishment however they feel necessary. Apparently it's on the rule placard at each gate but I never read it."

"Well then, why were two guys bothering you? That doesn't make any sense."

"Pilbos I told you …"

"Look, I'm trying to understand. Uncle Bedros is already on my case. He called me a gossipy old woman. Can you believe that?!"

Beginning to lose my patience I told him, "I would have paid good money to see it. Now lay off will you. It was bad enough going through it the first time; I don't want to relive it."

"But what happened?"

"The Wicked Witch of the … where ever she's from … happened. It was paybacks. Now will you leave me alone?" We were both being quiet – the warehouse echoed – but I was just about to get loud if that is what it took.

"Wait … the Roads woman … she had a hand in this? How did she do that? I thought that Charlie guy was going to put her in jail. We have to say something."

"No 'we' don't. You are going to be quiet about this and you are going to leave me alone. Got it?"

He was obviously confused. "But why? If you tell Thor, he'll see it wasn't your fault. I heard Tavit telling Tov and Sog about that man and his sister. They were a couple of backstabbers. Thor will figure out it was really that woman's fault and you two … you know … you'll get back together."

"No. The fight wasn't just about … about this afternoon and what happened. Thor said some things that … I guess everyone heard some of the things he said. I thought he'd accepted me for who and what I am. I guess I was wrong. I don't think he really meant some of the things the way they sounded but I'm not about to go ask him either. Besides he is right about one thing, disaster seems to follow me wherever I go and people get hurt."

After just looking at me Pilbos said, "You're taking off. Because of this."

"I don't know. Right now I want to but I don't know if it is for the right reasons. Tomorrow I'm going to talk to your Uncle and … and we'll see from there. Either way I think maybe … maybe … oh I don't know what I think. I don't want to think at all right now."

Suddenly serious he said, "You should still tell Thor. That it wasn't your fault. Don't you think he has the right to know?"

"It isn't a matter of him having the right to know or not. I know Thor. If I tell him then he'll feel bad. He'll want to make things right. He's that kind of guy. And right now … I'd probably jump at the chance to … to be with him again. But I'd never know … and he'd never know … if we got back together for the right reason." I looked at Pilbos. "I've never had a boyfriend. And to be honest Thor isn't a boy, he's a man. I never even got my learner's permit on how to handle this sort of stuff. I don't know how this is supposed to play out but I do know that I still … still care enough that I don't want to hurt him just for the sake of proving something."

"Then I'll say something," he told me, indignant.

"No you won't," I told him calmly. "He won't want to believe you and it could be a case of shooting the messenger. He and Chu … um Tavit … have finally ironed everything out and are friends again. If Thor … look, just let it go. The whole thing is just … it's just not worth the trouble it could cause. Besides, I'll have to … say something to you … if you blab. Got it?"

He finally left just shaking his head. Then Chuckri showed up and I got ready for another fight. Instead he was just calmly telling me I had midnight watch. He had scheduled me cover the front door. As he was turning away I asked, "Chuckri? Can … can I have the roof? Instead of the front door." I was embarrassed that my voice sounded like I was practically begging. But I guess when it comes right down to it that's what I was doing.

"So you can throw yourself off?" I looked up but he was only half kidding.

I shrugged. "No. Look … nothing against your family but …" I stopped because I sounded real closed to being a complainer. I straightened my voice up and then continued. "I would like the roof position please."

He looked at me but only asked, "Why?"

I sighed. "Because … because people are looking at me, on the roof no one can see me."

"After what happened did you really think people weren't going to look at you?"

Trying to explain without explaining I told him, "If they were mad at me or disgusted or anything else I'd deal with it. It's not like I haven't seen it all before. But I can't take pity. I can take anything but that. And that's the way they're looking at me. Please, I'll forfeit my turn at the market tomorrow or whatever else it takes. I just … can't … deal with them … watching me with pity in their eyes. Not right now."

"Alright, under one condition."

I probably would have agreed to anything by that point but I wasn't stupid so I asked, "What?"

"Explain it to me. Pilbos is upset and it's not just from the lecture he got from Uncle and Ludvig. So give. What's going on?"

Refusing to meet his eyes I said with as little inflection as possible, "Two guys started something with me. I tried to avoid a confrontation but they wouldn't let up. I was forced to defend myself. We fell into another fight. The market has some wonky rules that whether you start a fight or not you're still guilty of fighting. We all got thrown together in that stupid cage and it was either fight or get pounded. I don't like getting pounded unless there's a football involved. End of story."

"Did you tell Thor this?"

I huffed, "I thought that was your only condition. I told you what happened. If you don't believe me apparently the rules are out there for everyone to read before they go into the market."

Quietly he asked again, "Did you tell this to Thor?"

"You heard what was said. Apparently everyone heard what was said. It wasn't really about the fight and you and I both know it."

"Are you sure?" he asked but when I looked at him dead in the eye neither one of us could deny that I was right.

"Just drop it Chuckri. If you don't want me on the roof, fine. I'll deal with it. I'll …"

"You go on at midnight. You relieve Tovmas."

I breathed a sigh of relief. As he was turning away I said, "Thanks."

"Yeah Kid, sure."

"Chuckri? Don't say anything. It won't do any good and … and it would just hurt him. It's … it's over. Don't make a bigger mess for me to have to clean up. OK?"

He looked at me, "You sure that's what you want?"

"No. But it's the way it's got to be."

"You leaving?"

"I don't know. I already told Pilbos that I want to talk to your uncle first."

He nodded. "That's a good idea. You could do it now."

"No. Not now. My emotions are too near the surface. If … if I start talking now I'll just turn into a girl and then that would really confuse everyone." The joke fell flat, both of us knowing that I was just doing it to cover up what I didn't want anyone else to see.

It wasn't long before it was dinner time but the smell nauseated me. I stepped outside under an overhang and stayed there while camp quieted down and most everyone went to sleep. I was just sitting in the dark when Barkley and Alfonso came out to smoke a home rolled.

Alfonso said, "Thor's not back yet."

Barkley answered, "Naw, he won't be back tonight. He was going with that Major to Whiteman. Better for him to go anyway for a while. Might take his mind off of things."

"I ain't never seen him like this. Not even with Maggs."

Barkley sighed. "Least said about it the better. I was wondering how long it would last. Rocky just don't know how to handle a man like Thor. And she ain't exactly your normal kind of girl to begin with." The word normal made me cringe.

Alfonso for his part said, "You make it sound like the fight was all her fault. You heard that guy who we bought the tobacco off of. Sounds like the Kid didn't have a whole lot of choice. You'd figure Thor would have known it. Don't get me wrong, I've had a dust up or two with her but she ain't the kind to go looking for a fight on purpose no matter how she might look. And didja see her? She looked like …"

"Yeah, I saw her. And so did Thor. I'd keep my nose out of it if I were you. Neither one of them is the kind to appreciate that kind of 'help' and who knows? There ain't exactly a lot of reason for her to hang around now is there."

I had been thinking the same thing but it still hurt for someone else to say it out loud like that. I checked my watch and then slipped back inside and went up to the roof. It wasn't raining by the bucketful but it was far from being just a drizzle. I pulled out a garbage bag I had scavenged weeks ago to keep the rain off and made sure my rifle was covered as well.

"Psst. Tovmas." The brother in question separated himself from the wall and came over to the door.

"It's wet out here."

I wasn't in the mood for any kind of play so I just nodded.

"OK," he said getting the message. "Nothing has been moving. The rain is keeping everyone in. Not even the port-o-potties are getting much traffic in this weather." He pointed off in the direction the little buildings were supposed to be. "Watch out for the edge, it's slippery."

I nodded again and then when I tried to go to the position he'd been at when I'd first come out he asked, "Are you leaving?"

I turned to look at him in the dark. "I don't see why at this late date it should make a difference to anyone one way or the other. Why on earth do you care?"

"My mother cares. Elsapet and Shoushan care. Even Grandmother was asking. Uncle didn't know what to tell them."

Trying to keep my voice steady I told him, "I don't know. Your family is nice. I've … I've learned a lot from riding with your brother's crew. But … but when Thor and I … I've never had anything like that. It didn't take long for me to … enjoy being treated … special … like I was a real …" I stopped, refusing to sound as pathetic as I felt. "I just don't know Tovmas. I don't know if I can stay and just go back … go back to that half life I was living. I don't even know if it is possible, not with things the way they are. If you were here, alone, no family … maybe not so many friends … how would you feel? What would you do? Tough it out or … escape … move on … try to put yourself back together some how?"

I could see him shrug in the dark. "I don't know."

"I don't either. I'll let everybody know when I do. Fair enough?"

This time it was a nod in the dark. "Fair enough."

So I got to work … sitting … and watching. I put all of my remaining energy into it. It was all I had left at that point. And it rained. One o'clock. Two o'clock. I started to get very tired but just put even more effort into my duty. Then three o'clock came and Richards showed up to relieve me. He wanted to look at my bumps and bruises but by then I was hanging on by a thread and I just brushed passed him, unable to even utter a sound that wouldn't have sounded like a whimper.

I made my way inside, down the catwalk, and then grabbed my gear. I had spotted a shed earlier and it was as good as any to hide in to lick my wounds. I headed for it after banging into Soghomon just enough to tell him where I was going without using words. I wrenched the door open and got it closed just in time. I fell to my knees and started sobbing. Luckily for me the skies really opened up again and the thunder and lightning covered the sounds of my breakdown.

I don't know how long it went on. It was a while, that's all I know. Eventually I was just empty and I crawled over to my gear and only out of habit bothered putting my bed roll under me before collapsing and falling asleep.

I woke up because I felt something crawling in my hair. I'm not normally squeamish but when I slapped it away and felt something fleshy I jerked awake and sat up …

And found myself practically nose to nose with Thor. All I could do was to give my heart a chance to slow down … or that's what I kept telling it to do but it was banging around inside my chest like I was about to have a heart attack. I wasn't saying anything and he wasn't either so I just turned and started rolling up my bedroll … only he knocked it back out. I didn't know what was going on but I thought it was just doing it to irritate me or get a rise out of me or something. I reached out to roll it back up and he was just there … all around me.

I stiffened not knowing what to expect. He pulled me backwards until I was sitting again only with my back to him. Every time I made the slightest movement to try and move his arm would tighten up. Finally I gave up and just waited to see what was going on.

In a hoarse voice he asked, "Why didn't you tell me?"

I'd had too little sleep and less food. My brain just wasn't firing on all pistons. I couldn't even seem to get it to work enough to respond to his question.

"Ok … OK, I … I deserve the silent treatment. OK, I get that. But I also deserve an answer. Why didn't you tell me?"

I finally managed a croak but that was it. I'd cried myself practically voiceless. When I finally was able to get the words to form I didn't sound like myself at all. "Tell … tell you what?"

He stiffened and I could literally feel the emotions held tautly in check where his arms pinned me against him. He turned me to look at him and I could sense he had to force himself to be careful. At first he was angry and then looking at my face it turned into something close to alarm. "You've been out here all night."

Gosh it was hard making my brain work when it didn't want to. "What … what's the time?"

"Rochelle …"

"What's the time? I … I came here after I got off watch … about … about three. Been here since then."

He went to touch my face and I jerked away startled when I realized that my blurry vision wasn't all the result of the lack of light in the shed. I touched my eyes and felt they were puffy. "Must look like I took a helmet to the nose. Need to go … go wash … my face I think."

"When's the last time you ate? Joan said you didn't come to dinner last night and no one has seen you since Soghomon said you came out here."

"It's not a crime." My brain was finally catching up with reality even if my voice was sounding worse. "Let me go. I need to go wash up. I think I told Chuckri that I'd take someone's watch today so they could go to the market."

"No."

"Don't. Just don't Thor. If you want to do some more yelling then just do it and get it over with, but don't go all gotta-be-responsible-for-the-Kid. It's too late for that."

"Is it?" he asked.

"Yeah. Way too late. I'm not 'The Kid' anymore. People may still call me that but that part of my life is over with." I was not playing whatever game he was into. I was all played out. "Now let me go. I have to check and I need to …"

" #$% # why didn't you tell me?!"

"Tell you what?!" I croaked. I was running on so little fuel that I was not going to be able to hang onto my temper for long.

"That Maggs sent those two guys! Why … didn't … you … tell … me?!" Then more quietly, "Why Rochelle? Why didn't you tell me? Why did you just stand there?"

Ping. The last of my control was gone. "Stand there? Stand there?! I had just saved myself from a whooping of gigantic proportions but whether it was my fault or not I knew you'd get upset and worried sick when you heard about it. I just wanted to give you a few minutes to get it out of your system then I was going to apologize for yet again messing up! But I never got the chance. You never gave me a chance! Every stinking time I tried to start you would tell me to shut the f-bomb up. Put yourself in my place Thor. For once really put yourself in my place. You think about that," I said as I jabbed a hard finger into his chest. you tell me?!"I have to check and I need to ...mias all played out.

my life is over with."t first he was angry and then looki "And from most of what you were saying it wasn't even about the fight that I got into so don't even try and play off that me telling you that the fight wasn't my fault would have made any difference at all."

This time when I got up to leave we wound up in a tussle. "Let me go Thor. Right. Now. I was in one fight yesterday. I really don't want to have to deal with another one today but I will if necessary."

"If it will make you feel better, swing away," he said.

Outraged I asked, "Are you completely mental?! Is that really how little you think of me?!"

"Rochelle …"

I hated it that he could make all my efforts to get away seem so puny. I was tired and starting to hurt in places that had been hurt the day before but that wasn't all of it. My voice was little more than a mouse squeak. Thor simply knew how to fight … and how not to fight … better than I did. I was so tired and so heartsick I just let loose and started crying again. At that moment I nearly hated him for the state I'd been reduced to. I don't really know how it happened but before I knew it I was in his lap and crying like my heart was broke … and it was.

It was a moment before I heard his own broken whispers on the top of my head. He kept saying over and over, "Don't leave. Don't leave Rochelle. Don't leave me."

I pushed him away. "Leave you? You left me. In fact I'm not even sure that you were ever really with me … not the real me. I thought you knew me. I thought you knew I would never just go looking for a fight … not just for the sake of fighting. More than that Thor I thought you accepted me. Instead I find out that …"

"No. No. It isn't like that."

"Yes it is."

"No. I admit it looks bad but I was just angry. I did say some things I shouldn't have but it isn't how I really feel. Rochelle … please … look at me …"

"No. No because you'll do whatever it is you do that I keep falling for and …"

"Rochelle," he whispered into my ear.

"Stop that. Just … just stop it. This is bigger than the way you make me feel … physically. I let myself …"

He wouldn't let me go. I felt like I was under siege. "Rochelle …"

"I swear I'm going to kill Pilbos," I ground out without really meaning to say anything aloud.

"What does Pilbo Doughboy have to do with this," Thor asked suspiciously.

"He told you." I was furious. "I told him not to. I didn't want to deal with you getting your feelings hurt and now look at this mess."

"He's not the one that told me."

"Yeah right," I squeaked as my voice broke yet again. "Don't cover for him."

"I found out when I went to Whiteman. Charlie brought the details of the fight from the market. He wanted to know how Maggs had gotten to those two guys. Turns out the Roads Gang had someone on the inside. A guy … yet another one … she'd hypnotized. The guy put a bullet in his own brain rather than face what he'd done. I was there most of the night helping to get it all untangled."

I didn't even want to think about it. "Fine. Whatever. So I don't have to kill Pilbos. Now let me go. I've got work to …"

"No."

I sighed. "Thor. I can't do this. I don't know how. I hate drama even though my life was built on it. But not like this. I've never had to deal with something like this. I can't take it. I was only fooling myself that I could have a normal relationship with anyone. I'm done fooling my …"

I squawked a wheezy cough when he jerked me back against him roughly. "Don't. Don't … don't ever … say that. You're not leaving. We'll work through this. We'll …"

"Thor, I'm not doing this to torture you … or me. But be honest, just … be … honest. There are a lot of things about me you either don't like or have a hard time accepting. And you're still mad enough about me lying to you in the very beginning that it's still there in the back of your head. Every time something comes up you're going to remember all those things, you won't be able to help yourself. You can pretend that …"

"Rochelle, I am not a nice man."

"Huh? Wha … Huh? Are we even having the same conversation? Do you hear what I said? I wasn't blaming you for anything. I'm just trying to lay it all out on the line."

"And so am I. I have done things that under pain of torture I will never tell you about. But I've done them and nothing is going to change that. But more than that I'll do them again if necessary. I'm that kind of man. When I have a goal, I meet it. Whatever it takes. And right now, my number one priority is to make sure you don't leave me."

"Thor …"

"Now you listen to me. I am not going to lose you. I messed up. I admit that I messed up bad. But you are taking some of the things I said the wrong way. Fine. I'll be responsible for that too. I should have known how you'd take them even if I didn't mean them that way. But as bad as this is it still isn't so bad that we need to chuck it all. And you are not going to leave me #$% #. You made a promise you wouldn't run off and you will by god, keep that promise."

I just looked at him and shook my head. "You've lost your mind. How can this … this mess … be fixed?! Every time you look at me you'll remember all the times that …"

"Is that how it is for you? Will you look at me and remember what I said for the rest of your life?"

"You're not the freak! I am!" I screamed with what little voice I had left. And then I stopped and started to panic. I'd never admitted out loud to anyone but Jonathon just how badly the words of others had hurt me. Even Jonathon didn't know all of it. "Just … just go. Have some kind of life with … with a normal … with someone who … who can fit in … who …" I was scrambling, trying to get away.

I must have been getting slippery because we wound up full length on the ground, him pinning me and me really starting to panic at that point. "Rochelle. Rochelle! Look at me." I felt like an injured bird with a viper on my tail. "Look at me. We can fix this. I … I didn't mean what you thought I meant. We can make things all right again. You have to give me a chance … give us a chance. As bad as things are they are still salvageable."

I wanted to believe him so badly but I'd never been hurt the way he'd hurt me. Thor must have felt me weakening. He whispered, "You're so tired, probably can't think worth squat right now. You haven't eaten. Let me get you something to eat. We'll go over to the market. There's a little cantina there."

"I can't. I promised to take someone's shift."

"You offered. Chuckri didn't accept."

I didn't know whether to believe him. "I still can't. I'm a mess. I can feel my face. I look even more like the Bride of Frankenstein than I normally do."

"Don't say that again Rochelle. Just because you don't look like the traditional beauty queen doesn't mean that you aren't beautiful."

"OK, that's enough. I don't need to hear that stuff. It's nothing but a load. I had a mirror you know."

"That you obviously didn't use. Or you were looking at it with your eyeballs inside out and upside down."

I was getting exasperated. "Thor people are going to look, stare, talk, and maybe even start stuff just because they think I'm looking for it. If they see you with me they'll start it with you too by default. You can't want that kind of trouble."

"One, you don't know that people are going to be that way and two, the mood I'm in anyone messes with you and …"

"That's what I'm talking about. You don't need that kind of problem. Just let it go."

"No."

I thumped him in the chest and then grimaced at how sore my hands were; they felt like I'd hoed a couple of acres of tobacco but forgotten my gloves. "You are that fond of that word."

"Yes … yes I am." He sat up and pulled me with him. I felt limp as a wet noodle.

"Thor I … I can't do this again. It … it'll kill me. I may be left with a pulse but the stuff that makes me who I am will be gone, destroyed. I don't even know if I have the strength to try again. I feel dead inside already."

"Don't say that."

I sighed and shut up. I didn't want to hurt him but I didn't want to be hurt either. But Thor is Thor and no matter that I had meant to stick to my guns I found myself washing up and going with him to that cantina. We were joined by Richards and Elsapet. And just like I predicted people looked, stared, talked, and a few even tried to get in my face … but Thor was there and only one was stupid enough to cross the line. But Thor didn't have to do anything because suddenly an enforcer was there and the guy backed off rather than pay a fine or get thrown into the ring to take his turn.

As we were leaving the cantina I dug the little bag out of my pocked and gave it to Thor. "These aren't worth anything once we leave here. Use 'em, trash 'em, I don't care. I just don't want to see them ever again."

I had meant to just leave and go back to the shed and try and get some sleep but Thor nixed that idea. "Good, then if you're willing to contribute your earnings we'll see if we can't pick up some extra supplies."

For the next hour and a half we walked … well they walked, I stumbled … around the booths. There wasn't really a lot of stuff we needed so we put the money into food instead. I mentioned looking for medical supplies but Richards and Elsapet got all happy and said they'd been resupplied out of Whiteman in return for taking out the Roads Gang.

The Roads Gang. If I never heard about it again it would be too soon. I didn't even want to know what happened to Maggs so long as she and her plots and plans stayed well away from me. I was told anyway. She'd be receiving a public trial the following week. But we wouldn't be around for it as all they needed was a few depositions to present into evidence.

When we did finally go back to camp I headed straight for the shed only to find my gear gone. "What?!"

Pilbos grinned sheepishly as he leaned on the side of the building. "I didn't think you'd want your stuff left out in the damp. I took it in, put it back where it belongs."

I stumbled inside the warehouse and saw my stuff, including my bedroll, all laid out next to Thor's stuff. I gave Pilbos the eye and he just shrugged, embarrassed. "Hey, if it works out for you two then maybe there'll be some tall beauty waiting for me in Kentucky."

Yeah, that kind of pressure I could do without. I must have looked like a zombie as I lurched over to my bag. I barely remember lying down.

But I remember waking up. My head was killing me and my stomach was rolling. The sandwich from the cantina was hours before and I'd already been operating on empty. I sat up … or tried to. There was a big arm draped across my chest. I slid over and reached for my canteen but it was empty. I was still tired but it looked like I was going to have to get up anyway.

Before I could get to my knees Thor was there. "What's wrong?"

"Thirsty," I whispered.

"Here," he said holding his canteen to my lips. "You're hot."

"Not now Thor."

He laughed unwillingly. "I … um … didn't mean that kind of hot Rochelle. I meant you're hot as in you feel feverish."


	39. Chapter 39

_**Chapter 39**_

"Don't care. Just let me sleep and I'll be fine and ready to go in the morning."

"Shhhh. Let me help you get cooled down." I felt a couple of buttons go.

Thinking this was standard issue guy stuff and really not feeling up to his version of playing I mumbled, "Thor I told you …"

I felt something cool and damp being run across my forehead and down my neck. "Ahhhhh."

"See? Doesn't that feel good? Now just lay back. It's just my bandana, that's all."

It did feel good. "Thor …"

"Shhh. It's OK. I'm not going to leave you … never again … let me do this, take care of you." I meant to tell him I could take care of myself but I fell back to sleep.

In the morning I felt considerably better and was badly embarrassed to find that I needed to get halfway dressed before I could even get out of my own bedroll. Luckily Thor had somehow gotten the tarp set up to give us some privacy so I wasn't giving the other folks a peep show.

"How do you feel this morning?" Thor asked quietly as he leaned on one elbow watching me struggle to get straightened up under the covers. He had a look on his face I'd never seen before and I didn't get it.

"I'm fine. And stop enjoying this. I don't know how my shirt got all bunched up but I hope you left me some dignity."

He smiled like a goof again and said, "Left you boatloads of dignity. Shipyards full of it. It nearly killed me but I did it. Now seriously, how are you feeling?"

He may have been smiling but I could tell his question really was serious so I didn't give him a smart comment like my mood wanted to. "Washed out but lots better than I did last night. I'm rarely sick so don't let this give you any ideas. See? Fever's gone."

"I'll feel better after I see you eat some breakfast. But either way you aren't on point or rear guard today, maybe not tomorrow either and …"

"Don't." I didn't need this.

He stopped, giving me a confused look. "Don't what?"

"Don't … over compensate or whatever you're doing. This is about the … the Argument."

He opened his mouth then closed it. He sighed and then sat up and helped me to do the same. "Some. But I'm done trying to compartmentalize our personal relationship from our working relationship. The world is different from what it used to be. There is no employer rules to follow and society can kiss my behind so I'm going to make up my own rules from here on out."

Leery I asked him, "And what is that supposed to mean?"

He kissed my forehead, "It means that this is a lot harder than I was admitting, even to myself. Yes, I know you are capable and stronger than I probably realize. However …"

"However?"

He puffed his cheeks out and then ran his large hands through his shaggy mane. "I'm still figuring this out Rochelle. The normal rules of how things are supposed to work are in the toilet and I … I've never …" He made an impatient sound with himself. "I talked to Bedros and he said a few things that needed saying."

"You did what?! When?" I hissed at him. "This was our business, between the two of us." I still wasn't sure what "this" was anymore but I had considered it private one way or the other.

"Rochelle, don't get bent out of shape. It was yesterday after you went back to sleep. I felt like a jack #$. I figured the man has managed to stay married for fifty some odd years so he should have at least some idea how to fix things because I was at my wits end."

"I can't believe you would tell our business to anyone else. Oooo," I moaned. "He must think I'm some kind of …"

"Stop that. He didn't say anything bad about you. He had a few … home truths … to give to me." I just looked at him, confused. "Rochelle, don't laugh. He really raked me over the coals."

"Uncle Bedros? No way. Besides, I can't see … well OK, the Argument … but the rest of it … we're … we were … partners. You never forced me and still haven't. I'll go tell him. There's no need for folks to start thinking …"

"Whoa there," he said, keeping me from getting up. "He was right … is right." He sighed again and said, "I went from one extreme to the other with you; from acting like you were just one of the guys to expecting I had a right to all the things a woman can give and then some plus we were, are, working together in a very dangerous environment and I expected you to tow that line too without complaint."

I shook my head, "I was right there and I know how things were. But you never heard me whining about it and no one else did either."

"No. No you didn't. Which only let me get away with it for as long as I did. And we're going to have to work on that. I'm a big guy Rochelle and used to having my way most of the time or at the very least getting a say in how things go. I'm used to being the boss and working people like chess pieces. I forget to turn it off sometimes. You … you are used to having the control of most things being out of your hands or being taken out of your hands by people or circumstances. To survive you've … you've just learned to live with it and let it go. You need to stop that because … unintentionally … I'll let you be that way just to keep having my way. You're going to have to learn to put your foot down."

I snorted, "You have to be the only person I've ever met that doesn't realize I'm about as bossy as they come."

"No, you just come off that way sometimes. But after Bedros said it I started thinking … you've been backing down from day one. Maybe it was subtle but that's what you were doing. You were the peacemaker. You took a lot of crap being dished your way with just a shrug like it was no big deal. Plenty of times you could have fought over something and you didn't. You made it seem that it was because it wasn't worth it, but it wasn't that. You've stood there while people talked you down your whole life probably. You've 'turned the cheek' so many times it's a wonder you don't spin in circles all day long. Your parents must have been incredibly supportive to balance all of that out and give you a safe haven to live in."

"My parents were better than incredible," I said aggressively.

"See? You can fight – you will fight – but only in protection of others or if you don't feel like you have any choice. But you don't start fights … and I should have remembered that. It's probably why you found football so freeing, it let you play out your aggression on the field where it was safe and expected, that way it didn't stay bottled up all the time and you lose control of it. If I'd been using my head for something besides a wig holder I never would have said three-quarters of the things I did. It's going to take a while to get you to trust me again, I get that, but I will Rochelle. We'll get back to that place."

He was making me feel things and I didn't want to feel them. I didn't want to hurt him but I didn't want to get hurt either. So I said nothing.

"Another thing Rochelle, you're my woman and no one is going to get in the way of me taking care of you … and that includes letting myself get in the way of it. I'm not your boss. I'm not your friend … or not strictly your friend anyway. I want to be your lover." At my upset expression he added, "Not in a physical sense yet but I want us to get there. But … look at me Rochelle … in every other way that's what I am. And I'm done trying to pick the time and places when I get to act like it. You were sick last night and it scared me. You aren't in any shape to take on the added responsibilities of those two positions. I am making a unilateral decision that you are going to be given light duty. Period. If the other guys don't like it that's too bad. I'm the leader, you're my woman. If you were in shape for it, it wouldn't be an issue but you aren't and I'm not putting you in unnecessary danger just for appearances sake. Got it?"

"Thor …"

"I mean it Rochelle. Things are going to be different. You aren't one of the guys and I'm done using that as an excuse to not pay attention or to assume you'll just take whatever I dish out. Look at me Love." He'd never called me that … never really used the word and it startled me enough that I did look even when I wanted to ignore him. He further threw me for a loop when his voice got all deep and husky. "I'm going to treat you like the woman you deserve to be treated as." He took my hand and stroked it. "You'll see Rochelle. Just give me a chance."

He was waiting for an answer. Lucky for me the deep soulful thing he was doing got rudely interrupted when a group from Whiteman showed up with some intel on the road ahead. If it had been anyone else I had a feeling that Thor would have told them to go to the devil but a leader doesn't ignore what they were offering.

We all finished packing and headed out. The roads were incredibly muddy if you couldn't stay on the highway and it took some time to get out of the stream of traffic created as others besides ourselves left since the market was over for another month. I managed to avoid Thor for a while but when one of our wagons bogged down in a washed out place in the road it took everyone's strength to get it out again.

But something was wrong. Normally I could have helped to lever the wagon out without breaking a sweat; I can't count the number of times a neighbor would call and Dad and I would go over and help get a tractor unstuck. At first I put it down to not having eaten properly for a couple of days. I'd eaten a small bowl of porridge for breakfast but that's all I'd been able to stomach. I put the lack of appetite down to nerves but I was only fooling myself.

When we stopped for a lunch break I nearly fell out of my saddle getting off my horse. Thor ran over and caught me but the world still spun. And that's all she wrote. Even if Richards hadn't made me replace Pilbos in the Elder Wagon, Thor would have. My fever was back and it kept creeping up all afternoon.

That night we stayed east of Sedalia and the next night we were in a place called Syracuse, Missouri but I don't remember much of it. I was up for a few hours the day we turned south to Versailles, Missouri but it wasn't until the next night when we stopped in Iberia that I was feeling well enough to do more than sleep through dinner.

"Come on, easy does it. I've got the tent set up."

I rolled my eyes. "Thor you're being ridiculous. I'm not made of glass. I look like an idiot with you carrying me. The guys are never going to take me serious again."

"They take you anything but and they'll answer to me."

He'd been going on like that since Knob Noster. It was completely freaking me out. And so was all the looking after me that he was doing. He even insisted on feeding me for crying out loud. OK, so I was as weak as a kitten even when I could keep my eyes open but he was taking it too far. Everyone had learned to keep their distance when he was washing me down to try and break the fever. And no one said a word when our days were a lot shorter than they needed to be.

"Thor, enough." He wasn't listening. "Thor, I mean it. No more. I don't need a babysitter. And … and this is … Frankly I don't know what to call this is but it is too much."

"You're sick. I'm going to get that tea Richards prescribed."

Running out of patience I said, "That's an example of what I mean. Richards didn't prescribe anything. He just suggested that it might help to bring my fever down. You've been dumping the stuff down my throat ever since. I'm practically sloshing with tea. I expect little tags to sprout from my ears at any moment."

Thor shook his head but refused to put me down. "Now who's being ridiculous? Here," he said as he laid me on a pallet he'd made of my bedroll under a tent made of the tarp and mosquito netting I kept habitually handy. "Get comfortable. I'll bring you something to drink and then bring your dinner when it's ready."

He didn't even give me a chance to object. The thing was that it was true. I was really weak. And not happy about it in the least. It had been years since I was sick like that. Normally my constitution was that of a mule, nothing fazed me. I hadn't meant to but I quickly fell asleep yet again but woke up when I heard voices.

"I'm doing everything everyone suggests but she still isn't getting better. Now what the #$% is wrong? Why don't you just use some of those antibiotics you got from Whiteman."

"Take it easy Thor. She is getting better. I heard her threaten you with great bodily harm this afternoon when you wouldn't give her any privacy." He chuckled. "Every man in the crew was relieved to hear her say it. We've all been worried."

"Not worried enough apparently to tell me which of those #$% pills to give her," he murmured murderously.

"That's because they wouldn't have helped and could have just made things worse. It's not bacterial and there's no sign that it's going into her chest; the little bit of coughing she has done was productive and cleared any congestion up. It's a cold Thor … a bad one but still just a cold. Antibiotics won't help a cold. You just have to go through the infection cycle. It's a wonder more in the caravan haven't been sick. Stress is debilitating as you well know. How many newbies did we have go through the cycle of constant colds when they first got taken on? It took six months to a year for them to harden to the life we led. I expect the same to hold true here. Look at everything Rocky has gone through since The Collapse. And the fight she was in and then the argument you two had … it just used up the last of whatever she was using to hold it all back. The rain didn't help either."

"Are … are you saying this is my fault?" he asked quietly, stunned at the possibility.

"Not all of it certainly, but it didn't help. And don't tell her I said so, she'd do me some damage, but she may be big and tough however she is still a female and that means her monthly vitamin and mineral levels are going to be low at certain times making her more vulnerable than the average male. And who knows how being a GWB affects her metabolism."

Thoughtfully Thor said, "Every once in a while she talks about feeling like she isn't getting enough protein. Could that have contributed to this?"

It was then that I realized Elsapet had been standing there as well. She said, "I wouldn't doubt it. Most people get most of their protein from meat. Meat is made up of amino acids. The human body requires twenty-two different amino acids to build body organs, muscles and nerves. The body also converts amino acids that combat invading bacteria, viruses, and protozoa. Altogether the body uses about fifty-thousand different amino acids to function, including five thousand specialized ones called enzymes. We can internally manufacture most of what we need but eight of the twenty-two I mentioned that are special can only be obtained through from outside sources such as the food we eat. If only one of those eight essential amino acids are missing our bodies cannot function properly. Guess what food sources best supply those eight amino acids?"

I didn't hear an answer from either men and Elsapet continued. "Animal products. That isn't to say that your body cannot obtain them through carbohydrates found in plant products such as beans, but they are much lower in those amounts. Take tryptophan for instance. In the lab we called it nature's Prozac because it is the amino acid essential to manufacturing serotonin. It raises an interesting series of questions for everyone, not just for Rocky. I'll talk to mother and look over the food supplies and try to address this in the menu. I know Uncle and Ludvig were trying to avoid slaughtering the animals but we may not have any choice."

Thor said, "Hold off on the slaughtering. Montgomery and Barkley spotted a herd of whitetail and they've gone to check it out."

As I heard their footsteps go away I decided that that moment might be a good time to start the foot-putting-down thing that Thor had mentioned. I rolled over and tried to get up. Thor was there before I'd even made it to all fours.

"Hey beautiful. Let me help you."

"Thor."

"Hmm?"

"Bring me a big piece of wood."

He opened his mouth and then closed it looking at me suspiciously. "What for?"

I smiled sweetly, "Because Dear, I'm going to knock some sense into you."

His eyebrows flew up into his shaggy hair. "Oh you are are you?"

"Yes," I smiled sweetly. "You seem to have lost your mind somewhere along the way. I am not helpless. I am not fragile. I am not made of glass. I do not need to be carried everywhere I go. And I am perfectly capable of walking to the latrines by myself … and having some privacy to do it."

He snorted like he was hearing me but wasn't believing me.

"Thor, I'm not kidding. I may not be up to riding tomorrow – I'm not stupid – but the day after that I'm going to give it a shot. I may not make it long but I'm still going to try. I'm not going to sit in that blasted wagon a moment more than necessary."

He looked at me and I could tell he wanted to keep smothering me with his version of affection, that he didn't like that I was taking my reins back from his control. But he didn't say so so I gave him some brownie points. "All right. But no guard duty. Not until you're able to sit your horse all day. And no guff either that I'm trying to molly coddle you or whatever is going through your head. We had the same rule for Evans, remember?"

I got quiet and nodded, "Yeah. OK, I can agree to that."

"Detente, who would have thunk it."

I threw a weak whap his way but we both grinned, then he got serious again. "Rochelle, are you really feeling better or is this … just a way of saying that you're tired of my company."

That mine field was waiting to catch me if I wasn't careful. "I'm feeling better. But don't push Thor. I haven't had time to … to think … about any of it." I could see his shoulders go all still. I continued to be very careful in my answer. "I don't want to leave; I never did, not really. I … and … I … I don't want you to either. But this? I feel like I'm living in a fish bowl. It's hard to take."

He looked at me and then all the tension went out of him and he let out a deep breath. "OK, I can work with that. How about … how about you seeing if you can sit with everyone else to eat dinner tonight, see if you're up to it. If you are we'll stay, if you aren't we'll leave. Afterwards I'll take my bedroll and …"

"No." At his questioning look I said more than a little embarrassed at the admission, "You … you don't need to move your bedroll. Just … just let me … get my feet back under me. I don't like feeling helpless."

He got close and then slowly put his arms around me, either like he was afraid I would bolt or break if he moved too fast. "You sure?"

Just as slowly I relaxed back into his arms. "Yeah. I … yeah … yeah, I'm sure. Just don't push."

We sat that way long enough that I almost dozed off again. But he was a man of his word and when it was supper time we took it with everyone else and when I'd had enough of the company and was having trouble keeping my eyes open we went back to the tent. Thor had guard duty after that and then later I felt him come into the tent and I rolled over to get closer. We didn't do anything with that "closer" anymore than we had before but Thor's sigh was one of contentment … and so was mine.

I wasn't in any shape to ride the next day and that night in Vienna, Missouri we had another rain storm and I got chilled again despite not getting wet at all. Thor got soaked and I worried he was going to catch what I'd had since he'd been the one taking care of me.

"Relax Kitten, I haven't been sick in years."

"You better find some wood to knock on and your head doesn't count. And what's with the … the names you're calling me?" I'd thrown modesty out the door and was helping him to get out of his wet clothes and trying to dry him off the best I could manage between my own shivers.

"If you don't like it I'll stop."

I could feel myself blush in the dark, both from his lack of sufficient clothing and from the knowledge that I wasn't just shivering from the cold. "Just … just don't do it where other people can hear it."

He finished dressing and then sat beside me snuggled up next to me. "Nope. This is strictly private … between the two of us." He backed up all of a sudden, shook his head and then cleared his throat. "They couldn't keep the fire going so it's nothing but cold grits. Not very appetizing but it'll fill the hole and I've got some jerky in my pack."

"Where's my hobo?" The strange question caught him off guard. "The two cans that I keep in the side pocket of my pack. They should be inside a zip bag."

He found them and handed them to me. "Help me roll the tarp back so that I can have bare ground."

I took one of the small fuel tabs that I had saved for emergencies and put it in the small can that had formerly held potted meat. The top can was just an empty vegetable can that I had punched air holes in. I smeared just a dab of Crisco on the flat "top." I lit the fuel tab and then sat the vegetable can over the top of that. "Give me the grits." I cut the cold glop that had congealed into a solid mass into thin slices and proceeded to fry them on my makeshift stove top. It would have been nicer if I'd had bigger cans … a tuna can and a metal coffee can … but I didn't so I'd made do with what I could find.

I also made a little bit of busted down gravy using water, flour, and a little bit of the dried sausage we had picked up at the market. We shared a mess kit to keep clean up to a minimum but we each had our own mug of something warm … him some instant coffee that made him grimace something terrible and I had some Tang with a little powdered cider mixed in.

"Now this is something like," he grinned. "You want anything else to drink? If not I'm going to move your stove so that we can put the tarp back down."

"No, go ahead. Sorry about the coffee. It's the one thing that I couldn't have when I lived at home and didn't think to salvage for along the way."

"Couldn't?" he asked.

"Well, not couldn't exactly." I was a little embarrassed. "Look, my folks … well … the truth is my family was … was as monetarily challenged as Jonathon's were well off. I've already told you about his family. We weren't poor, poor … we owned the land and house and all the farm equipment free and clear. Dad, and my grandfather before him, never believed in taking out loans like a lot of farmers did. Just we were kinda shy as far as … um … liquid assets went. I never felt like I was being forced to do without … my parents saw to that … but … well, we did things a little different from a lot of people. Plus my folks were kinda old-fashioned about some things."

Thor just waited. He'd learned that trying to get me to say something faster than I was ready to say it only made me go slower or not talk at all.

"Remember how expensive coffee had gotten? Or maybe you don't … I guess you could get all kinds of stuff where you were at that would have cost an arm and a leg for my family."

He agreed. "Sometimes. Other times I would have given a lot to have had something from the states and couldn't find it even if I had had the money to spend on it."

"Well, then you'll understand. But the thing is … coffee was like my dad's only vice, or at least that is what Mom said. She pinched the budget every which way to make sure he could have his half pot a day. So for us that meant that coffee was for the man … and we'd drink tea."

"From what I heard decent tea was as bad as coffee."

I laughed, "Not that kind of tea though we did stock that for lunch or supper sometimes. We made different teas from Mom's herb garden. Lemon verbena with honey has always been my favorite but mint is a close second. We did lots of stuff like that. Mom used to get ahead of the cost curve; if we couldn't grow it then we'd buy it in bulk and store it for the year. Like with the coffee; if no one has messed with anything then when we get home I'll be able to brew you up some real coffee. We'd just gotten the new supply of beans in before we left."

"Beans? Coffee beans?"

"Yeah, it was cheaper in the long run to buy the green coffee beans and store them. That way there was less waste; we just roasted and ground what we needed when we needed it. And buying in bulk meant we'd pay the same price for the good stuff that would last a long time as people were paying for the cheap stuff at the stores."

Thor looked at me and I thought he was upset for some reason. He was, but not at me. "You're getting the short end of the stick here aren't you." It wasn't a question so much as a statement. But one I got right away.

"Let's not go there Thor." For good measure I did the girl thing and got up in his lap. I startled myself a bit by doing it but in for a penny in for a pound. I had to make up my mind at some point if I was going to commit to being with Thor or not … and it looked like my subconscious had made the decision already.

I must have startled Thor too if the look on his face meant anything. "Hi," he said finally.

"Hi."

He put his arms around me. "You sure about this Rochelle? I've been trying to not push, give you time."

"I'm about as sure of this as I am of anything. We're still talking like you're still willing to come with me back to the farm. I … I still want that to happen." I was trying to wiggle around to get comfortable.

Thor groaned. "OK, less of that or you're going to have me walking out into that rain again praying that it is cold enough to cool me down."

I couldn't help it, I put my arms around his neck and smiled. "Oh woman, you're gonna kill me," he moaned. But he still put his arms around me as well. I hadn't meant to but I did start getting drowsy. I felt Thor lay me down and I slept the rest of the night.

The next day was another slow one. The rain had made a real mess of things and it was a lesson learned that each wagon needed to keep a supply of dry wood, kindling at the very least, to start a fire with. Breakfast barely qualified as such – oatmeal that was just as gloppy as the grits had been – and no one was in too great of a mood. Before we got going I used what little heat remained on the fire to heat up two gallons of the milk that had come off the cows and then added a good dollop of honey and a little nutmeg to it. Everyone that wanted it had a cup of the stuff. It wasn't the perfect solution but it stopped the youngest kids from crying and the honey and nutmeg made it seem like a treat rather than a trick to cover their hunger.

Thor didn't freak when I told him I wanted to try and ride that morning. Besides we both knew that taking both mine and Pilbos' weight out of the wagon would help to keep it from bogging down. As he helped me get into the saddle – I could sit but I wouldn't be doing anything fancy for a while – he asked, "Another one of your mother's recipes?"

"The milk?" I asked and then at his nod I shrugged. "I was growing so fast I was hungry constantly. But my stomach couldn't keep up and handle all that I wanted to put in it. I had some kind of reaction to the supplements the doctors wanted me to drink. My grandmothers and mother came up with the idea from some old family receipts. I could drink as much honeyed milk as I wanted to; it filled me up without making me sick."

As he made sure my saddle was tight he said, "Speaking of sick, don't overdo it. I know you want to be up and about again … just take it easy, please."

I patted his hair, "You need a haircut."

"Rochelle …"

"I know Thor … plus … well … I don't want to worry you. OK?"

He grinned and said, "More than OK."

The morning was a lot rougher than I had anticipated. I wasn't doing anything that should have made me tired but by the time that we stopped at the St. James Golf Club for lunch I was really whooped. Lucky for me Thor didn't see because he was too busy shooing people off … in fact everyone was busy trying to keep people from getting too close. St. James was another one of those hubs for people on the move and the animals drew a lot of temptation. There was a little overt aggression but nothing that the crew couldn't handle. However, rather than overnight in the next town we stopped in this place called the Maramec Spring Park. It didn't take long for most of the kids and adults to stick a pole of some type in the river to go trout fishing.

The park's café had been ransacked since it sat right off the entrance but the park store and some of the ranger buildings hadn't been touched which surprised me. I was doing a little salvaging and mumbling to myself about all the useful stuff just sitting around going bad.

Montgomery who was helping me (or keeping an eye on me for Thor) said, "Opportunistic feeders."

"Huh?"

He smiled, as tired as everyone else was, "People didn't get far from the road. The café was what you would call a crime of opportunity rather than a real salvaging effort. I'm surprised no one has taken this place over, it would make a prime location for a fairly good sized group."

Alfonso walked up at that point. "According to a log I found in one of the offices the café' incident happened early on. Several of the rangers tried to hang on for a while longer but then when communications couldn't be re-established they left to go look for their families with the intent of coming back. Only they never did, come back I mean."

We all knew what that likely meant. I ate dinner that night but not with the same level of enthusiasm as everyone else. I was just too tired to enjoy it. Thor pulled me to my feet and we faded into the dark. "Guess a walk in the moonlight isn't at the top of your list of things you want to do."

I looked at him and said, "If you want …"

"Hey … I was kidding. You really are tired. C'mon, let me put you to bed."

"I'm not a child," I said irritated.

"Don't remind me. I'm using super human effort to contain myself."

I thought for a moment, "Well … you don't have to try quite that hard."

He stopped and kissed me in the moonlight. "Don't tempt me woman. I'm giving you space remember? I really don't want to go take a dip in that blasted spring. It's cold."

I chuckled. "Neither do I but I'm having a hard time not having fun torturing both of us."

"Both of us?"

"Yeah I …" I got a good look at his face. I realized that maybe, just maybe, I hadn't been the only one hurting and needing comfort. I put my hand on his cheek, "Yeah, both of us."

He pulled us over to a bench to the side of the green space we had set up camp in. "Sit with me a minute?"

I nodded but when I went to sit on the wooden seat he pulled me into his lap instead. "I want to ask you something."

I waited. I'd never seen him so nervous. "I know we've got a ways to go. Both in miles and … and in other things as well. I know that … that the Argument put us back quite a few miles in both ways. But …" Then he just sort of petered off while the I could feel his shoulders stiffening up.

"But?"

"I want to ask you something."

"You said that already."

"Yeah. Yeah I guess I did." He cleared his throat. "You remember when I told you I'd talked to Bedros?"

"Yeah," I answered slowly growing a little leery.

"He said that I was … uh … taking some things for granted."

"What … what things?"

"What I wanted to ask is if you'd … uh … Now see … I've never done this before. Never even come close." He cleared his throat again. "Well … you see … I was … us … wondering … well …"

"Thor? What exactly did Bedros say? Because … you know … our business is our business. I … don't want to have to worry that … you know undue outside pressure or influence or …"

He kissed me. "No one is pressuring me into anything and I don't want to pressure you into anything. OK?"

"OK. But if it isn't anything bad then why can't you just spit it out?"

He took my hand and raised it to his lips. "Rochelle, what I want to ask is if … and there's no pressure here, I know … I know we're still … working on things. You don't have to hide it. I've felt how you think before you say or do everything lately, how you're … holding back. And I understand that. I don't want you to think I don't. But I would … would really like … want …" He stopped and reached into a zippered pocket on his vest. "It's not much. Actually it is pretty corny but I wanted it to be something I did, not … not something I just picked up someplace."

It was a ring. A real ring. "I had this sterling silver wire. Got it right before we were sent home this last time. Won it in a poker game." He cleared his throat nervously. "I … uh … braided it … and then flattened it. The … uh … pattern, you can still see it. I made sure the edges weren't sharp, so you don't have to worry that it'll cut you. It won't turn your finger green either. Like I said, it's … um … sterling. I know it's not gold but …"

I interrupted him. "You made this? For me?"

"Yeah. If … if you want it. To wear it I mean."

I looked at the ring and then at him. I said quietly, so no one else in the world could hear me. "You … you didn't have to you know. I … I mean … it's not a ring that … that I've been waiting for." My face was hot. "I mean, I know things aren't the same as they used to be … and that … that you aren't like the boys that I'm used to back home. You're … you're a man, not a boy. I just … you … I'm not sure … if … if I'm ready for the whole package. At … at least … not … not quite yet."

That was a huge admission for me. "The ring isn't about the … whole package. It isn't to get you to do something you aren't ready for." He ran a finger along my jaw line. "I want you to know … I want everybody to know … that I'm committed … to this … to us."

I slowly turned the ring over and felt the pattern with the pads of my fingers. "This isn't a trial thing … to see if … to see if you like it?"

"No. No trial, no sampling, no backdoor escape plan."

I said, "Rings are a big deal."

"This one is. For me. For you?"

I put it on the tip of my finger on my left hand, looked at it sitting there, looked at him then asked, "Are you sure about this Thor? I … I'm not sure I could handle … I mean …"

"I know I'm sure. If you aren't I don't want to rush you or force you."

"It's … it's not that. It's just … to me … rings …" I stopped and then looked him straight in the eye. "To me rings are forever."

In a husky voice he said, "I'm not playing Rochelle. I wouldn't even have started to make the ring if I hadn't been thinking about forever. When … if … you agree to wear this ring … my ring … that means that all bets are off. No man ever gets another crack at you. And I never look at another woman. I haven't wanted to since I first figured out you weren't the boy you were playing at being. I couldn't think of anyone else. You've taken up all the room in my head … and my heart. That won't change for me. It won't ever change … with or without the ring."

I was shaking. Could I do it? I'd known the guy less than a year. I'd "been with him" a lot less than that. We'd just come off this huge, destructive, and for me life-altering fight.

He took my hand and reached for the ring, "Rochelle, you don't have to. I … I guess it was too soon … I'll …"

I pushed the ring all the way down onto my finger and just looked at it sitting there. Then I looked up at him. "I won't regret this moment. I won't regret making this choice. But I don't want to regret anything that comes after it. OK?"

I wasn't sure if he was still breathing until he finally said, "OK. I'm going to kiss you now. Then I'm going to walk you to the tent, watch you get inside and then I'm going to … walk … or something."

"Why?"

"Because if I don't … if I don't there might be a little … more than a little … temptation to … push for more. And I keep my promises. Besides, you've got dark circles under your eyes again. You need to rest, not fight me off."

We didn't talk on the way back to the tent and it wasn't until I was inside that I felt safe enough to turn around and tell him, "I wouldn't fight."

He moaned, "What do you do to me?" I just looked at him. "Go to sleep Rochelle, you've got moonlight in your eyes."

It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be to go to sleep. The day in the saddle had caught up to me. Sometime later I felt Thor climb in the tent and get into his bedroll. I rolled over and woke up enough to realize he was shivering and that his hair was damp.

"Is it raining again?"

"No."

"Then why are you damp and cold?"

"The blasted spring is fifty-six freaking degrees."

"Did you fall in?!" I asked waking all the way up.

"No," he said and I soon realized the rest of his clothes were dry.

I shook my head. "Gack, you guys are crazy, going swimming at night in a cold spring. You'll catch the same cold I had. Here, let me warm you up."

He groaned, "Oh yeah, you do … most definitely."

It finally clicked and I did something I didn't even realize I could do. I giggled. I really giggled. That only made him groan again.

"Shhhhh. Someone will hear you and think … well, you know what they'll think."

"Oh, don't worry. Pilbo Doughboy and Tovmas already caught me and are laughing their backsides off. Then Chuckri and Alfonso saw me coming back here."

I giggled again and he sighed. "Go to sleep Ro-chelle so that I can suffer in peace." But I could hear the smile in his voice.

We both slept better than we should have and other than being a little sore I was feeling better than I had since before the fight. Thor was walking around with a silly grin on his face and it didn't leave even when some of the men from the crew or the family ribbed him a little. I took some pieces of wood to put in the barrel that had been tied to the back of the Elder Wagon. As I was brushing my hands off Grandmother Chuckri pointed to my left hand and then held her hand out. I put my hand into hers and she turned it to look at the ring. Then she grinned – a little slyly even – and patted my hand and said something in Armenian that I didn't understand before walking away.

I had no idea what she said but I could feel a blush creeping up my face. I turned to see Shoushan who was smiling also. "It was a blessing. Kind of like a nice way of saying good luck. I'll add mine … so long as you are happy?"

I blushed harder and said, "Yes. Yes I am."

This time she laughed. "Good."

We both went back to finishing our leaving. Thor came over after I had tied the pack back onto my patient stead and gave me a boost into the saddle. "You OK with the teasing?"

I smiled, "Yeah."

He smiled back and said, "Good."


	40. Chapter 40

Chapter 40

The road we followed that day led us through a town called Steelville where we did a little salvaging but not much, the town had already been picked over of anything that we could find immediately useful. That night we stayed on the western edge of Mark Twain National Forest. It took us four days to get out of the forest. It was really only about thirty miles by the road but there were trees down on the road in a couple of places and it was decided while we were in an area that was going to be prime hunting location that we'd better get some done while the doing was good. Mrs. Chuckri was pleasantly surprised to find out that I knew how to can and even more pleased to find that I knew how to cook on an open fire. It's more dangerous than pressure canning on a steady flame but not impossible if you kept careful watch over your gauge.

In addition to the meat we canned I showed them how to maximize the amount of jerky you could get out of a venison roast. Two of the four nights we spent camped at Sunnen Lake and got in some more fishing. I took a few of the kids at a time and we picked forage that I recognized and if no one else would eat it I either dried it for later or turned it into a salad that we ate on the lunch time picnics that Thor and I took. We never went far because someone was always calling him for something but at least it was a little privacy to explore this new facet of the relationship we were working on building.

After leaving the lake we stopped in this town called Potosi and the next morning, after receiving a warning from a group escaping from the area around Park Hills, we chose a different route and turned due south until we came to Elephant Rocks State Park. The park was named for some large boulders that stand end to end and made someone imagine about elephants. I could see what they meant but I don't think I would have imagined it without some prompting.

We were well and truly in the Ozarks by then. It made me homesick. The Ozarks weren't quite like the Smokies at home but they were sure closer than the Rockies had been. Sitting around the fire towards the end of dinner that night Thor announced, "Two hundred and forty miles."

When everyone looked at him he said, "Two hundred and forty miles. That's how far you are now from your destination. Well, more or less depending on any backtracking or alternative routes we have to take. We've been averaging a respectable twenty miles per day if you take out those we just spent in the national forest. And I expect we'll need to do that at least one more time. The animals will need a break, we'll have repairs that have to be made, and we'll have to either salvage or restock at some point to keep from depleting the supplies to a dangerous level. If nothing major occurs, and we can maintain this pace, we'll be there before the end of August, anywhere from three to four weeks from now."

A stunned silence met his words then Uncle Bedros stood and started praying and praising God and then the whole family joined him … even a rather hesitant and embarrassed Tavit Chuckri was pulled into it. I wasn't one for a lot of show so I took my prayers off to a quiet corner. I knew that for Thor and I getting the Chuckri family to their new home would be both and ending and a beginning for us.

"Hey, you OK? Getting tired again?"

I sighed sadly. "No. Thor, I'm almost scared to ask but I have to know, have you thought … I mean really thought … about what getting the Chuckri family to their farm is going to mean?"

"Yes I have," he said. "Look at me Rochelle and I want you to hear what I'm saying … and understand it. Over the years I served under some great men. The best thing that I learned from all of them is that there is a time to call it quits. I'd been restless for maybe the last year, dissatisfied with the direction my life seemed to be taking. I thought … well I thought I had found what I was looking for in Maggs. You saw how that turned out. Then I thought it was just an itch or something and tried not to think about it, but the voice in my head never shut up for long. When the collapse happened … God help me Rochelle, I was relieved. It was something that seemed to give me a new direction, a path, some incentive to do something besides just put one foot in front of the other."

I didn't know what to say. The Collapse had taken so much from me. No … that's not true. The Greenies had taken so much from me, the Collapse was something that came on the coattails of that, at least partially set in motion by the Greenies and their allies the Twelvers. Could I completely disagree with Thor then? No. I was beginning to see I couldn't.

Quietly he said, "You aren't saying anything."

I told him, "It's … I was … thinking. My first thought was to deny that the Collapse could have anything good to it. But, I can't be right … it brought us together. I was trying to figure out … how I felt about what you'd said and I realized that it wasn't the Collapse that stole so much from me but the people that put the Collapse in motion. I'm just trying to understand Thor. It's … it's a pretty big thing to wrap my head around."

"I hope you can understand Rochelle. I hope you can. It's not like I'm relishing things being the way they are. It's just that the Collapse has given me a chance to take a completely different path from the one I was on. But there's things, people, responsibilities that tie me to the old road … mostly people. Getting to Fairview will give me … all this won't sound nice … it'll give me a time and place to cut those ties."

"But won't you miss them? Communication is in the toilet, it's not like you're going to be able to pick up the phone and touch someone, email them, anything."

He took me in his arms and sighed. "Rochelle, it's time. Sure I'll miss them. Some of us have served together over a decade – Chuckri and I were in the same training group – I'll likely always miss these guys in some ways. But they're my past. You, you Rochelle, are my future."

We walked around with the moon lighting our way for a few minutes and he asked more questions about the farm and what path I wanted to use to get there.

"It's going to seem like the long way around but once we get to the AT we'll be able to avoid all of these people that seem to be on the move. And the AT runs with a couple of miles of our front gate."

"By the AT I assume you mean the Appalachian Trail. You've never told me where you live."

"Oh. Well," I admitted embarrassed. "For a while I guess I was afraid to tell you. It was … it was my ace in the hole in case I had to bolt for some reason. But there's no reason for that anymore is there?"

Thor smiled gently and said, "I hope not but if you need …"

"No. Besides, if something happens to me someone should get use of the place and I'd just as soon as it was you as …"

And just like that everything came near to the precipice again. He had me by the arms and shook me, "Don't ever … say … that … again !"

"Ow! Turn loose right now Thor!"

Thor did, realizing just how hard he had me. "God Rochelle. I'm sorry … I'm … don't … I …"

His face was so pale and his eyes so wide I thought he was going to pass out. "Thor?"

Instead of calming down he backed away from me even more. "Don't … don't ever … ever … let me do that again."

Something awful was going down and I didn't know what to do. I'd seen Thor in a lot of moods but I'd never seen him like this. He looked like he was about to puke. "Thor? Are you OK?"

He was breathing like he'd been running from the hounds of hell. "I will not be like him. I won't. You put my ring on. I'm supposed to protect you. I …"

Every step I tried to take towards him he would back up. He was swallowing air like he had a hole in his chest. There was a dip in the concrete path we'd been walking on and his ankle turned and he wasn't even trying to save himself. If I'd been any smaller or weaker he would have gotten badly hurt, as it was we both went down. But he barely registered it. He was staring off into the past.

"My dad, he was a good man. A little distant but a good man. I told you that didn't I?" At my nod he said, "I think one of the reasons that she married him was because he was so different from what she'd had growing up. Gunnar … from my father's side … Erik … named after my maternal grandfather. But the man was only a father in the biological sense. Just because I look like him doesn't mean that I am like him!"

He was beginning to freak me out a little. "Of course not. You're you, not him. You can be whoever you want to be. Just stay the you that wants to stay with me. Thor?"

He sat up and moved away from me again. "No."

"Thor … stop it. Stop trying to get away. You're stuck with me. Remember? I'm trying to understand and I think you mean that your … your mom's dad … um … wasn't so nice to your mom. Everybody has people like that … or worse … in their family tree. I had an uncle that was a James Dean wannabe … he ended the same way and it tore my dad to pieces. I've got a couple of cousins on my mom's side … well, less said about them the better. That doesn't mean that just because we share genetic material that we are bound by fate to make the same mistakes."

"Rochelle, I saw what that old man did to my mom after we were forced to move back in with them. He changed her. They both changed her. I couldn't stop it, couldn't save her. That old man and I … she kept saying it was a shame I didn't take after my dad and then she would say things like I was just like my grandfather. He and I fought a lot. After a while I just had to get away. I left home the night I got my highschool diploma and I never went back except for Mom's funeral. They had everyone convinced that she'd grieved to death for me, that it was my fault she'd started …" He stopped and then shook his head. "Don't ever let me do that to you. I'd rather be dead than be that man."

Something was wrong. Badly wrong. Thor was acting way too out of character and he was starting to shake. I called his name a couple more times but he didn't respond and his eyes didn't look right either.

Then there was a scream, and then another. I was torn. I couldn't leave Thor, there was no telling what he would do. But I couldn't just ignore either.

"Thor! Rocky! Where are ya?!"

It was Alfonso. I shouted, "Here! Take the right fork!"

When he ran up and saw Thor on the ground he said, "Oh no."

"What's wrong?! What's happening?!

"Don't know. Pilbos, Sog, and a couple of others are freaking out! We've got 'em contained but just barely."

It took both of us to drag and unresponsive and jittering Thor back and then Montgomery was there to help. Richards ran up to me and grabbed my arm, "What was in the salad?!"

I jerked my arm away from him. "Dandelions, purslane, chickweed, and violets mainly. Why?"

"It's the only thing that ties them … and now Thor … together."

Markrid was crying and wringing her hands. "I can't lose another one. What have you done to them?!" she screamed at me.

I blocked her out, trying to concentrate on what was happening.

"It can't be the salad. I ate it … everybody ate it."

"No … the second bowl."

"Second bowl? I only fixed one bowl … one big bowl. Who fixed the second bowl?"

"No one fixed it. They just mixed the other stuff in."

I was beginning to get seriously worried. "There was no other stuff Richards. I used everything that I picked in the first bowl." I spun around. "Kids! I need to know. Did any of you add anything? Don't be scared, I just need to know. It's very, very important."

Markrid screamed at me, "Now you're trying to say it is our own children's fault!"

Unable to ignore her I said, "Markdrid, listen to me. I need to know who put that second salad together. I know I didn't. I need to know who did and what was in it."

"Vika didn't do anything wrong! You are indeed a monster!"

I turned and looked at Richards. "I didn't take Vika foraging. I haven't had anything to do with Vika since the farm and you know why."

Richards turned to Elsapet, "Please bring Vika here."

Markrid screamed curses. Uncle Bedros stepped over and pulled her away. She just kept screaming.

Elsapet looked horrified when she brought Vika forward. The little girl was completely defiant. I bent down, "Vika, I have to know what you put in the salad."

"You killed my mother!"

I looked at the crazy kid then over at Chuckri. He ran over leaving David's side. "Vika, honey, your momma … she was killed by those people she hung with."

"No! She killed her!"

"Vika … you saw what happened."

"No! It was her fault. Momma would be here if it wasn't for her."

Chuckri turned and looked at me helplessly.

I patted his shoulder. His daughter's trauma wasn't his fault. "Vika, listen to me. Your mother is dead because of the people she chose to associate with. She was friends with them before the Collapse. She was the one that brought them to the farm. She did nothing while they hurt your brother, your grandmother, the rest of your family. She even helped them. Her choices are what got her killed. You have the chance to make different choices. If you don't tell me what you put in that salad you could kill some of your family … including your own brother. Is that something you want to do? Is that something that you want to live with the rest of your life? This won't be something you can blame on me, this will be all your own fault."

"I hate you! This is your fault! Everything is your fault!"

I wanted to shake her until her teeth rattled but she was just a little kid that had been messed up bad by her mother and her weird friends. I stood up and asked Richards, "Is there any of it left?"

He pointed at the picnic table while he helped Elsapet deal with the hysterical little girl. I looked at the bowl and didn't see anything unusual at first. I moved it around with my fingers and then, at the very bottom of the bowl, I saw a small slice of something that didn't belong.

"Oh my God. Elsapet! Richards! We need to make them throw up. We need them to purge their stomachs." They just looked at me. "Now! I think she put little brown mushrooms in there. I didn't pick the mushrooms on purpose because I didn't want the kids to get the idea that they could." I ran up to Markrid. "How many? Did you see how many she put in there?!"

Markrid was in shock. She'd been played by her niece. I could see her trying to pull it all back together. It was Shoushan that turned her sister around and shook her.

"Markrid … how many?"

"Not … not so many. She … she sliced them. She … she said so everyone would get a bite since," she was crying. "She said since there hadn't been enough to go around."

The next couple of hours were not pleasant. We dosed them with ipecac. They all vomited but after twenty minutes we gave them another dose to make sure everything was out of their system. Anyone that still threw up food we dosed one more time after that.

All of those that had been poisoned were then put to bed and watched closely. Every couple of minutes we would take their pulses and all of them had a watcher assigned to make sure their breathing didn't falter. Thor and Pilbos seemed to be the worst, more than likely because they had eaten the most.

By the next day it was apparent that everyone was going to recover. They all had sore stomachs, chests, and throats where they'd been forced to purge. I'd finally had to resort to a spoon to get Thor to throw up because Richards and Elsapet were afraid of killing him with the ipecac.

"My head. I must've gotten some bad hooch," were the first intelligible words out of Thor's mouth.

I told him, "Not bad 'shine, bad 'shrooms."

He finally focused on me and then nearly jumped out of his skin. "My God … did I hit you?! I remember … I …"

I did my best to comfort him. "No, you didn't hit me. You shook me but then freaked out like you'd committed some heinous crime and … and just …" He wound up having to comfort me when I started crying. "I thought I'd lost you. Don't you ever scare me like that again."

I finally dried my eyes and realized Richards must have been standing there a while. I didn't know whether to be angry or embarrassed. "Rocky … do me a favor … talk to Chuckri. He's a mess and he's blaming himself."

"Why? It's not his fault. He's kids just … she's messed up right now."

"I'm glad you see it that way. Now go tell Tavit that's how you feel."

I didn't understand why he needed me to but I suspected he also wanted to check on Thor without me underfoot. I walked over to the man in question and he was all hang dog. "How's Vika?" I asked.

"You don't have to ask Rocky. I …"

"Chuckri, if you go off on me because you think I blame your daughter for what your messed up wife and her friends did to her then do it … if it'll make you feel better. But I don't blame her. I think she's messed up, but I don't blame her for it. And I don't blame you either."

Uncle Bedros walked up and said stiffly, "My daughter will apologize to you."

"No. Don't make her. She's gone through her own trauma. No one would expect a little girl Vika's age to do what she did. Under normal circumstances Vika wouldn't have. If anyone knows just what the Greenies are capable of it would be me. I've watched them twist facts around into pretzel shapes. My parents would have friends and then some media outlet would give them air time in an interview and the next day … then suddenly certain friends would just stop talking to us or taking our calls. After a while it gets old but I certainly don't blame Vika … or Markrid. Just no monster hunts … I'm just flesh and blood, human … not any of those things those people say I am. I'm not leaving Thor, but I'll do my best to stay out of Vika and Markrid's sight so I don't set them off."

Shoushan surprised me by coming up and saying, "No. You did nothing wrong. Uncle, please …"

Uncle Bedros nodded his head, "My niece is correct. I can do nothing about Vika; Elsapet and Dr. Richards will need to work with her. But Markrid, she will apologize … for her sake as much for yours. And you are as welcome around our fires as you ever were. If Vika is an innocent victim of the Greenies, then you are even more so … and so I will say to everyone." Later a tearful Markrid did apologize but I was so embarrassed by her display of repentance that I nearly ran into the forest afterwards.

Richards didn't want to move anyone for another day just to be on the safe side since some of them were so lethargic. Thor wasn't himself that was for sure. Late that night I finally found out why.

I had my head on his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. I hadn't realized he was awake until he put his hand on my hair. "Rochelle, I need to know the truth. Did I hit you?"

"No, of course not. I already told you that."

"You swear it. On a Bible even."

I rolled over and looked at him. "On however many Bibles it takes to convince you of the truth."

He was silent for a minute. "I … I have to tell you something."

"If it is about your grandfather being a less than stellar person … you already did, or at least I figured it out from what you'd been saying."

He swallowed. "I'm … I'm not like him Rochelle. I refuse to be like him."

"I never doubted it. We've gotten rough with each other, but we've stopped. It hasn't been a problem lately."

"You can't ever let me get away with being like that. I watched my mom and grandmother make all sorts of excuses for the old #$%&#%. Whether they did it out of fear or out of love doesn't matter, they stayed with him, and he just did it to them again … and again."

"Easy. You're getting upset and I won't have it. You're not like that Thor. You can be cranky, foul, irritating, demanding, and a dozen other things. You can even be rough … but you've never hit me … and you never will. I think even if by some astronomical chance you did, it would hurt you a lot more than it would hurt me."

I knew Vika was a little girl … and I knew it wasn't her fault that she was messed up … but at that moment I could have sold her to the gypsies if it meant never having to see her again. I know that's not nice but I wasn't feeling particularly nice right then. In my mind it was like those Greenies were reaching from the grave to cause more trouble and pain and heart ache.


	41. Chapter 41

Chapter 41

The next day Richards pronounced everyone fit though I think everyone was well aware of how quiet Thor was. Chuckri looked at me and I just shrugged. Later he asked me, "Is Thor really all right?"

"Physically? Yeah. But the memories the hallucinations brought back have him way down. He's doing his job … and I'll keep an eye on the rest of it."

He gave me a concerned look, "'Shrooms are nothing to mess with. They're as bad or worse than some of the regular illicit drugs. Some of them have leftover effects. I lost a friend in highschool because he was experimenting with some kind of natural high. If Thor starts to act strange again you call me or Richards immediately."

"I'm sure that isn't going to be a problem. Like I said, that night just opened up some old wounds … but I don't think there is anything physically wrong. He'll come around."

I said it to make Chuckri believe it but I was also saying it to myself. People and their hidden pain affect other people more than most folks realize. I continued to be angry; not at Vika on a personal level but at what she had done and even at her mother and those green freaks even though they were dead and well beyond anything I could have done to them. Not every problem in my life could be traced back to those people but more than a fair share of them could. It just seemed like no sooner did I think I was done with them and their damage than I would turn around and there it would be all over again. And now it was affecting people I thought unaffectable … is that even a word?

The next day was a short one as several of the poisoned where having trouble keeping up. We first stopped at Fort Davidson state historic site but it was so early in the day that everyone tried again to get a little further. We made it as far as the little town called Arcadia which was nothing more than a bedroom community for this bigger place called Ironton.

It wasn't even lunch time and since it was so early some of us went out salvaging. I debated whether to go but Richards told me that I should, to give Thor some space to work things out in his head. I felt like I was deserting him but Richards was the professional head doctor and I had learned to trust him. Besides Thor didn't seem to want my company though I didn't hold it against him.

I had begun to think of all the things that we would need once we made it home. I was pretty set though I needed to replace the clothes that I'd been forced to leave behind or had worn out since San Francisco but Thor was another matter. All he had was summer gear and though it was the beginning of August, even in the summer the nights could get chilly in mountains. He didn't have anything remotely useful for winter wear except for his boots and there was no doubt those things had seen better days.

The first thing I did was stop at a motel and pick up a yellow pages and a map that had been kept behind the front desk. Then I started making lists of potential places to stop. When Montgomery and Alfonso asked what I was doing and I told them they acted like they had just discovered I had a brain. No one could go off on their own so a strangely silent Pilbos was assigned to be my partner since he was going to have the same clothing size problem as Thor.

"We'll tackle this Big and Tall shop, then these thrift stores." When he didn't respond to what I had said I asked, "Pilbos are you listening? Are you up for this? I want to move quick so we can cover as much ground as possible."

He sighed, "I'm fine."

"You don't sound fine. Maybe you should stay in camp. I'll get someone …"

"No! I mean … don't rag on me, I'm fine. I can keep up."

"Fine, let's get in the saddle because if we can get what we need quickly I want to hit some of those antique stores. You're mom …"

He was grouchy and it showed. "I know, I know … she gave me a laundry list of do's, don'ts, and the things she wants.

"Then let's go. And while we're at it, either get rid of the hound dog face or tell me what's on your mind. At least bleed some of the poison off."

We were riding for a full five minutes before he found his voice again. "I saw Tavit crying … to that woman he's with now."

"Oh," I said realizing maybe he was doing more than just pouting. "Her name is Delia and she's not bad once you get to know her."

"I guess," he shrugged. "But … Tavit … he never cries … never … not even when Dad died."

"The way I understand it your dad was sick for a while and everyone actually … well that when he died it was a release from the pain he was in. Sometimes even when someone dies you can still be happy for them … one of those escaping the mortal coil things my grandmothers used to talk about."

After a moment he said, "OK, fine, I can get that. But still …"

"But still nothing. I bet it was about Vika. Now I don't have kids but from what I've seen, most parents can cry more easily for their kids than they can for themselves. Vika is hurting so your brother is hurting."

He snorted, "Vika is a sick little snot. She tried to kill us all … or at least as many as she could."

"Pilbos, Vika is … is sick, but blaming her for that is like trying to blame the wind from whistling through that tree over there. Your sister in law messed her up and she was too young to defend herself from it."

That made him angry. "That woman was never any kind of sister to me. She tore Tavit up bad, kept us from being able to see David and Vika until the courts forced her and even then she made up all these excuses to keep them from us. And she was … was bad. She even tried …" He stopped, embarrassed.

"Tried what?" I asked curious as to what he would find so bad.

"She tried to … you know … sleep with me. She was messing with my head to get back at Tavit."

"Ew. She's the one that sounds messed up."

He agreed. "Totally. And now Vika is just as messed up … uh … I don't mean that way messed up … but messed up, you know? I don't want that stuff in my family. Haven't we got enough problems without that too?"

Oh boy. "Pilbos, I can't tell you what to do but, from my way of thinking, if my parents had thought that when they found out I was going to be a GWB I might not have ever drawn my first breath. And that would have been a shame because I might have had more than my share of issues, but I outgrew them and the ones that I haven't outgrown I've learned to manage. And I think I was a pretty good daughter overall and I loved my parents and they loved me." I stopped to think carefully about what I said next. "Nothing is going to change what Vika has done. But you can forgive her and move on. Even with Richards counseling her – and he really is a shrink you know – she might never be the person she could have been if her mom hadn't messed her head up. But she still has a chance and I think that you kinda need to give her that chance."

He shrugged, trying to appear like he didn't care as much as he obviously did. "How long do you think she'll be like this?"

I shrugged, "She didn't get broken overnight so it will take a while for her to heal."

We'd finally arrived at the first stop I wanted to make but all they had were dress clothes for the most part. We did manage to find socks, under clothes, belts and in the back some real leather gloves, but nothing durable for working and riding in. I spotted something in a discount bin that gave me an idea and then shoved it in my tote sack before Pilbos could see and ask questions that I'd prefer not to answer. Luckily it wasn't just a guy store so I also managed to find a couple of replacements for my sports bras that were starting to lose their elastic and some comfortable socks that didn't look that they had come from a men's department store.

We had even better luck at the thrift stores. Everything was very musty smelling … more than a few pieces looked like they hadn't even been cleaned before they were hung on the racks … but it didn't take me long to find everything I needed for Thor and Pilbos finally wised up and picked up some things for himself as well. He was hesitant at first but I told him, "Stop being such a snob. Better get it while you can or right about the first frost you're going to be cold in some uncomfortable places and by next summer you'll be running nekked with the babies."

He looked at me and then started laughing, the first one I'd heard I in a while. "You are so strange," he said. "One of these days I hope I meet another girl like you … maybe not quite as weird but close would be OK."

"I'm simply awestruck by your chivalry," I told him … right before I dumped him on his can like he deserved. Of course that only made the doof laugh even harder.

Pilbos and I also made some good finds at the antique stores. Their fronts had been smashed up but their back rooms and some of their display cases were still OK. I picked through the old jewelry and cutlery and split it between us. Pilbos complained, "What am I supposed to do with this old junk?"

"Trust me. Give it to Uncle Bedros and he'll know what to do with it," I told him. I guess he didn't get that silver was pretty easy to melt down and that it might come in right handy depending on what the economy was over the next couple of years.

I also found jars of old buttons … the good kind that didn't break in half if you looked at them too hard … and a bunch of old lace and sewing notions. It was going to be a mess trying to pack all of it down but if I could find another horse or a donkey or two I was thinking that I might be grateful that I had it in the long run.

I drove Pilbos crazy by making him help me fold up all of the denim, threads, notions, and some other stuff from a quilt shop. "Where do you plan on putting all of this?" he asked.

"Want some cheese with that whine?" I asked him in return. "I'm thinking on it all right?"

"Yeah well, you're not the one carrying all of this junk."

I rolled my eyes. "It's not junk. Especially not … oomph … not this," I said finally pulling out a bolt of thick faux leather. "I can find a lot of ways to make this dead useful."

"Dead? Yeah. Useful? Not so much."

If I'd had a younger brother I have a feeling he would have wound up being a lot like Pilbos; irritating and fun to be with in turn. The guy may have been my age but he made me feel as old as the hills sometimes.

We finally had to walk our horses back to our camp because we'd loaded them both down with so many finds. But when Pilbos had sheepishly explained why we were late to his mother all the women started smothering him with hugs and kisses.

I gave him an I-told-you-so look and turned to find Thor up and around. I was so excited that I missed the look on his face and started dragging him away with me. When we got to our tent I practically threw him in head first.

"What in the Sam Hill is your problem woman?"

"Take your clothes off."

Thor made a strange strangling sound before asking, "What did you say?"

I stopped dragging in the garbage bags I'd been carrying and said, "Take your clothes off. I want you to try some of this stuff on to make sure it fits."

He got a weird look on his face and asked, "Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"Thor I am not going to waste valuable space on stuff that you don't like or is too small."

"Oh," he said sounding deflated.

I was pushing his buttons and I knew it but there was a point to my lunacy. I'd give him a couple of things and then turn my back long enough for him to change and then I'd turn, look, and ask him if he liked it, was it comfortable, etc. After about three outfits with me pushing him along I could hear his teeth grinding and I figured I had maximized the potential impact as far as I could.

I swung in his direction and gave him a kiss and a hug and said, "Thanks for being such a good sport. Only a couple more then I'll leave you alone. Thank goodness you aren't a picky whiner like Pilbos. I wound up dumping him on his can … should have made it his head."

"You did?" he asked suspiciously pleased with the picture I painted.

"Uh huh. I wish it had been just us but I get that you needed to do some route recalculations and stuff like that."

"Oh. Uh … yeah." Guilt was written on his face for all the world to see. He hadn't been doing any such thing, he just hadn't wanted to go with me and I knew it.

I let go and turned back around after handing him the last pile with a certain something tucked in there. All of a sudden Thor made a wheezy kind of cough. "Little bit … er … thin to wear in the saddle don't you think?"

I carefully turned around, making sure he wasn't actually wearing the things first. Thor was holding by one finger a pair of black, silky boxers that had hot chilis printed all over them. I had a hard time not laughing at the look on his face as I said, "They had a pair that had little blue smurfs all over them but that wasn't quite the message I was going for."

Watching his jaw drop was the last straw. I wound up laughing so hard I had tears running down my face. The only reason I wasn't rolling around on the ground was because I had draped myself on him so I'd have a prop.

His face was as red as I'd ever seen it. "You do know that paybacks are coming. And I can be very … creative."

That set me off again and it took me another couple of minutes to catch my breath. He was just smiling and shaking his head so I kissed him. It was about to turn serious when he broke away … but he didn't push me away.

"It'd serve you right if I went prancing around in those things."

I warned him, "Don't you dare. That's for my eyes only."

The fire that had been missing from his eyes started to rekindle. "Oh, is that right?"

"That's right and you better not forget it."

"Well then," he said stretching like a cat. "Did you happen to find you anything you'd like to model?"

I blanched, realizing I hadn't even thought about it. I guess it must have showed on my face, 'cause the stretch turned into a hug. "Nah, that'd be more temptation than my poor constitution could handle. Top of my head would blow clean off."

"Oh you," I said, giving him a hug instead of a swat like he deserved.

After another moment I asked, "You sure that the clothes are OK? I can go back."

"Not this late in the day you won't. And not with Pilbo Doughboy either. I should've been the one with you."

"You were busy."

"Uh … yeah … er …"

I removed the stake he was about to throw himself on by saying, "Besides, how would I have been able to surprise you if you'd been peeking over my shoulder?"

He sighed, refusing to let things devolve into a fight. "Fine, but next time we go shopping together, that way I can make sure you get something for yourself."

"Deal."

From that point forward for the next couple of days Thor continued to improve. That isn't to say he wasn't a little too careful with me or that he didn't get a distant look in his eye when something would set him off, but every day he was a little less remote and before I knew it I was having to watch those roving hands of his again.

From Arcadia we overnighted outside a place called Fredericktown. It was like stepping back in time as I rode town a mainstreet of tall, red bricked buildings where the businesses were still open. We were stopped by local police but only to see if we could add any information to what they already had. It seemed an easy thing to do and it left the Chief of Police with a good enough opinion of us that he told us where we could camp and not be molested by the lawless element that afflicted the areas outside the city limits.

From there it took another two days to get to Jackson, Missouri. Jackson was as messed up as Frederick had been cleaned up. Underneath the decay and feeling of hopelessness that sat on everything like thick dust there was a miasma of wickedness. Everyone sensed it, even the animals who seemed to crowd the wagons as if they were seeking protection.

"Thor?"

"Easy Rochelle. Don't act intimidated but keep your eyes open," he said quietly as he rode back and forth to make sure everyone understood.

"Eyes? That's what I feel. Like there are a thousand eyes trained on us from these buildings."

"There likely are. But if they don't make an overt move we won't either."

I was as happy to escape that place as I had been Kansas City but being on the east side of things still didn't feel much better. Thor doubled the guards again that night. "I doubt we'll need them but better to be ready and nothing happen than expect nothing and have all hell break loose."

I just could not settle down to sleep. I'd had the first evening watch and then been unable to relax while Thor took his turn. When Thor got back and saw me still awake he said, "You'll regret that tomorrow."

"I don't care." I was shivering.

"Hey, I've never seen you this nervy. Is it something in particular?"

"Can't you smell them?"

"The dead? Sure. Not as bad as in KC."

"No … not the dead. Them. I can smell them Thor."

"You cannot … uh … can you?" he asked, suddenly perplexed.

"Sometimes … on the wind. I was … just so big and noisy when I was a kid but Dad needed help with the hunting and he wanted me to learn early … you know … in case. They used to say that if things got really bad that we'd fade back into the woods and wait out whatever else the Greenies planned. That's what my people did during the Depression, the wars, epidemics, anything big back for generations … it protected the nucleus of the family. Anyway, I needed to learn how to hunt, how to help put food on the table since I consumed so much of it. Since I was so big Dad taught me to stay in one place and … and feel when the game was near enough that it was worth the risk of moving through the woods. I eventually learned to move as quietly as he did but I never forgot those early lessons. Certain animals have … smells … musky, ripe, that sort of thing. If you were still and paid attention you could learn to put what you heard, what you saw, and what you smelled together to make a picture of the animal in your head. Back there, in that town, I smelled human sweat sour with liquor and other things … and then, and don't you dare laugh, I smelled … fear."

He didn't know whether to take me serious. "Rochelle …"

"Look, people do it all the time but they just don't realize what they're doing. Have you ever gone into a nursing home where the staff is overworked or doesn't quite care enough? Places like that have a smell and everyone knows it when they smell it … illness, death, decay, depression all wrapped together. A lot of people can't take that smell it affects them so bad emotionally. Well fear smells a little like someone has wet themselves and never quite gotten clean from it. That's the best way I can describe it. That more than anything is what I smelled back there. But I can't imagine what, after all this time, would generate that much wickedness to create that much fear. There were a lot of people hiding in that town Thor. We didn't see a single one but you and I both know they were there."

"Now you're giving me the creeps."

I jerked away. Thor pulled me back. "Give me a chance to pull my foot out of my mouth. I didn't mean that the way it came out."

I shuddered and tried to calm down. "I know. I shouldn't have … oh bother. I'm sorry Thor, it's like my skin is trying to crawl off my body."

"Hey, you're really upset."

"Yes I am. And I can't explain it. And I don't know if it is even something real. I just need you to hold me. Please Thor, just hold me."

He took me in his arms and said, "Rochelle I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

"Thor I'm … it's …" I stopped and tried to pull my thoughts back together. "I'm not afraid for me. I'm afraid for us … for all of us. I just …"

I curled up in a ball and Thor didn't have any problem holding me and I didn't even mind when he tried a little distraction but I think he sensed that I was a little too desperate for distraction because he pulled us both back from going down that particular road. "Rochelle, are you sure you're not … imagining things or …"

"Or hormonal?" I asked a bit hacked off that he'd backed off.

"Well … yeah."

"No. I'm not being hormonal. I'd give a whole lot if that's all it was. I'd take some Midol and call it a night."

"Ooo-Kay. But I need something more to go on than your nose if I'm going to do something about this."

I was really getting wound up. "Don't you think I know that?" Then I leaned my head back and said, "Sorry … sorry I'm just … but there's no call for taking it out … Geez, I'm sorry Thor."

"Hey, look at me."

He tilted my head back and I let him though reluctantly. "I don't want you to hold something in just because I'm not getting it. I'm listening. I'm trying to understand. But you gotta help me a little here. I've never seen you quite like this."

"I've never had this much to lose," I mumbled to his chin.


	42. Chapter 42

Chapter 42

"Rochelle …"

"Please don't patronize me Thor. I know I sound like a stupid cartoon character, or that I secretly believe I have super powers, but I'm not making this up. Dad learned to hunt from his father and grandfather and a lot of their friends from those generations. I'm talking really backwoods – only come out into the sunshine once or twice a year to get their kerosene refilled and trade for some reload supplies and tobacco kind of backwoodsmen. He taught me the same way he learned. I'm telling you it is real."

"Rochelle … Hon … I'm not doubting you."

"Yes you are," I said turning from him.

"Don't call me a liar woman," he said with just a little irritation in his voice. "I'm not doubting that you feel something. But in order for me to respond to the threat you perceive I have to be able to quantify it. If it is just a generalized feeling with nothing overt to it there is no constructive way for me to address it."

I turned back to him and tried to see his eyes in the dark. "You don't think I'm crazy?"

He sighed and pulled me closer. "I don't think you're crazy. I don't think you are making it up. But unless you can give me more intel my hands are tied."

I tried to think about what I had felt during the day. "Just … just make sure everyone is on guard. I don't mean this casual stuff everyone has fallen into but the way we used to be when it was just the crew. Tighten things up. Make sure the people shepherding the animals don't get complacent; I noticed today that they were too easy to pick off. The kids should stay in the wagons instead of running here and there; and those in the wagons need to stop sitting on the sides and making themselves an easy target."

I could feel him looking at me in the dark. "Good observations. Chuckri and I both said the same things earlier. You feel that strongly?"

"I feel that strongly Thor." I stopped and then tried to explain it more. "I've never walked the dangerous lands you have. I've never been in the kind of battles you have. I'm not trained the way you are. But I've walked our fence at night when there were poachers around and knew what they were capable of it I wasn't careful. I've had to hide from drug runners who were using the AT and forestry roads in the area to move their stuff and didn't want anyone to know; more of that stuff goes on than most people realize. I've been stalked by animals and people, both out to do me harm. I know that feeling. And I felt that feeling today."

He surprised me by saying, "OK. I'll be right back."

I was left sitting there with my mouth hanging open. Ten minutes later he was back. "Now, we're going to lay down. I'm going to hold you. And we're both going to get some sleep. There is nothing else that can be done tonight. If something is going down we both need our rest."

"You can just … fall asleep? Like nothing is wrong?"

"No. But I've done what I can for now; addressed the potential threat as constructively as I can for now. And if I am going to continue acting constructively I need to get some sleep … and so do you. Tomorrow I want you to try and see if you can refine whatever you are feeling. I want you to continue talking to me about what you feel. What I do not want you to do is keep this all bottled up inside because whether something comes of it or not, I want you to know I'm listening to you. Understand?"

I believed him and remembered that I could have confidence in him; and with that I was able to relax enough to get some rest. However the next morning it didn't take long for that feeling of being watched to come back … and I noticed I wasn't the only one that had started to get that feeling on the back of my neck.

Before we got back on the road Thor called a quick meeting. "Listen up people. For the next several days we are heading into an area that has the potential to be problematic. Cape Girardeau is the next major city and it is a large one. My preference would be to avoid it but the plain fact of the matter is that we have to cross the Mississippi at some point and that is about it for this area … and we better hope the bridge is still passable or we are going to have to make a very, very long detour so Uncle Bedros if you've got any pull with the Man Upstairs I'd start asking for some favors."

Thor looked around and then put on a forbidding expression. "Next order of business. Things are getting sloppy. We've been lucky and that's all we've been. I do not intend on basing my safety, the safety of my men, or the safety of this caravan on luck. From here on out until I say otherwise we will be working with double guards. And another thing, those caring for the animals either need to stay sharp and keep close or we'll have to leave the animals behind." At the murmur of outrage this brought he said, "That isn't my preference either but the fact remains that the safety of a person outweighs that of an animal. And speaking of, no more letting the dogs wander away. Either they stick close and do their job or they get leashed up and put in a wagon."

He continued running through his new list of do's and don'ts and by the time he was through the group's mood had changed and everyone was very subdued. After Thor and the crew left to finish loading up for the day I saw Uncle Bedros and Ludvig stop Chuckri. I felt like I was being nosey so I turned my head and found myself confronted by Pilbos.

"Is he serious?" The question was more wary than angry.

"Yeah."

"Yeah," he nodded. "Look, so maybe I'm not crazy. Last night when I was out taking a … er, taking care of some business … it felt like someone was watching me. I thought at first it was Taniel because he likes to jump out of bushes and try and catch me off guard. It's stupid. But, after … you know … and I kept waiting but nothing happened. I tried to tell myself he'd just given up or was trying to freak me out but … it didn't feel like that you know?"

"Did you tell … Tavit?" It got confusing switching back and forth between calling the guy Chuckri and by his given name when talking to one of his family members.

"I was going to after breakfast but Thor started up first. You think I should still say something?"

"You should have said something last night," I told him, a little outraged that he hadn't.

He rolled his eyes. "All right, I get it, don't yell. I'll go tell him now … but he's going to think that I'm making it up. I'm like, the brainless youngest brother."

"If you wouldn't act brainless they wouldn't treat you like that," I told him without regret.

"Gee, thanks for the support."

He started to walk off but I stopped him by saying, "Pilbos, this is serious. For you and me … play time is over. Maybe it's not fair that the world is making us grow up faster than we would have had to before but we didn't get a vote. We don't get to be kids anymore. I've figured my way through it and … and I'm pretty happy with the way things are going for me now. You need to … hurry up and figure it out too or … or you may not get a choice in the direction you have to take."

He nodded, as serious I was. I saw him go up to the three older men, even if reluctantly, and start to talk. I went over to my horse and started to double check to make sure my gear was secured.

"What's up with you and Pilbo Doughboy?" Thor asked. I noticed his face was carefully blank and wondered if maybe it was possible that he was a little jealous.

"Last night he was … you know, doing his business … and he thought someone was watching him. He thought it was Taniel at first but then he wasn't so sure. He was going to mention it to Chuckri but he was worried that no one would take him serious, especially after you finished talking. He thought they would think he was just making it up to get attention or something."

Thor ran his hands over the saddle to check on my double check and asked, "What do you think?"

"You mean do I think he was doing it just to get attention?" At Thor's nod I answered, "No. It could have been Taniel, I'll leave that to Chuckri to figure out, but I don't think he was making anything up. He was too embarrassed."

He sighed, "Well that cinches it. Alfonso and Barkley said they felt the same thing last night while on guard duty. Alfonso can be a little jumpy but that's not Barkley's style at all." I could see he was battling with something. I understood what when he finally said in a clipped voice, "Rochelle I need you to run point for part of the day. Same thing you did when Evans was still with us. It's going to put you on foot … I …"

"I'll be careful. How far up do you want me?"

"Within easy hailing distance. You and Barkley instead of Evans. You know the drill. You move forward, wait for him to catch up. He moves forward, you wait for the rest of us then head forward and pass him. Never so far out a shout or whistle won't raise an alarm, but far enough that you can give a trail advisory well in advance of any problems. I'll put Pilbos on your horse and Ludvig's son … not Taniel, the other one that's so quiet … on Barkley's mount. That'll give us two more riders to guard the animals."

"Will do," I said falling back into the personality I'd used when I had been playing at being a boy.

"Rochelle?"

"What?"

Suddenly I was getting kissed in a way that reminded me rather forcefully that the last thing I was was a boy. Thor pressed me all down the length of him and then said, "Be careful."

All I had the breath to do was nod before I went off to confer with Barkley and see if he was ready.

We left Jackson but we never really left the city sprawl behind. The corridor between Jackson and Girardeau wasn't long … only about nine or ten miles – but it was lined with businesses and subdivisions.

We had crossed under I55 and had switched to the I55 Loop that would take us straight to the Shawnee Parkway Bridge where we would cross the Mississippi. Being point was nerve wracking in one respect but in another it gave me something to do with all of my pent of energy, gave me a focus to use it on and made me feel more useful which also helped. I had stopped at the County Memorial Park to wait for Barkley and was checking it out as a likely place for the caravan to pull over.

That's when I smelled it. Death … or something close to it. But it was fresh. You could still smell the metallic, almost copper, smell of fresh blood … a lot of it. I followed the road and then heard the buzzing. Let it be an animal I prayed, please let it be an animal.

There was an area that had been trampled down so much that the grass no longer grew and it just looked odd. Things were disconnected like they didn't belong together. There were mounds of fabric on the ground, pink and white. I thought, "Someone is dumping carcasses here? This is a strange way to do it."

God help me I don't know why I did it, it certainly didn't make could sense. I bent down to what appeared to be the newest bagged up carcass and realized that a lot of it was buried in the dirt for some reason. "Too rocky to bury it all the way? Trying to keep predators from carting it off?" The longer I looked the weirder things appeared … and I still had that wiggy feeling but not like someone was watching me.

I pulled out my Bowie and sliced open the fabric bag and then fell back in complete disgust. I looked around me, at all of the white and pink piles and I blanked for just a moment, hearing nothing but the roar of the ocean in my ears. I was in the process of crawling away from the horror behind me when I heard a sound … thin mewling that was coming from a clump of bushes nearby. God help me but after seeing what was in the cloth behind me I couldn't ignore it.

I quickly made my way over to the bushes but was careful after that. There was another bag in the bushes but it was a garbage bag … and it was moving fitfully. I didn't have any choice, I ripped the bag open with my bare hands and there, laying in a pool of its own mess, was a little baby … and little baby girl to be more precise. Not a newborn but it couldn't have been that old either … a couple of months but on the scrawny side. It didn't have that newborn cry anymore. I reached in and plucked it out, naked and filthy.

I scrambled back towards the entrance of the park to find Barkley just arriving.

"What have … you …. Got? Kid?"

I was shaking, with fear or fury or disgust I couldn't tell. "It was in a garbage bag. Back there. Barkley … I think … I think …" I stopped and looked at the baby I held in my hands and finally pushed out, "I think that is a stoning field back there. Like in the Bible or something. There's dozens of these … white … or sort of white … bags. I opened one. There was a woman in there. And there are these rocks all over the place, like baseballs."

Barkley's face was impassive. "Stay here. Keep watch but try and get some of the stink off that kid if you can. It's not healthy for it. What is it anyway … a girl?"

"Yeah, how …?"

"Figures. Just stay here."

He went off into the bushes and followed my trail back. It didn't take him long. "Listen Kid, I've got to get Thor and bring him forward. Is the baby still alive?"

"Yeah … but I don't … I mean … she doesn't look too good."

"Understand something here Kid, there might not be anything you can do for her. They could have fed her something before they dumped her. Or maybe not. She could be too far gone down the trail. Just do the best you can and I'll bring help back as soon as I can. You going to be OK here? They've done their business … and not too long ago. Doubt anyone will be back this way soon."

I nodded and he left at a careful lope. I looked down at the little life I held in my hands. She had curly black hair; it was so black that it absorbed all of the light rather than reflect it. Her brows and lashes were the same sooty black. Her eyes, when they briefly fluttered open, were also dark. Her skin tone wasn't pink but had more of an olive tone though it was hard to tell under the filth that I was trying to wash off. She would mewl every once in a while but didn't have the strength left to really cry.

It was nearly forty minutes before Thor and Barkley came back and I kept thinking that this little baby couldn't make it but she hung on. Thor didn't say anything, not then, just ran his hand across my head and cheek. I nodded and he and Barkley faded into the bushes.

When they returned to the spot where I was Thor sent Barkley back to the wagon while he stayed with me and looked at the baby. "The caravan should be within ten." I nodded. "It was a killing field. We … we investigated some of the other mounds and you were right. They all appear to be stoning victims. Most of them … appear … to be female but some males mixed in there as well. It fits the profile we've seen before, but never in this country. And I've never seen them leave their victims to just rot like this."

We both sat and watch as the little person I held struggled to stay alive. A few minutes later Elsapet and Richards ran up fast enough that Thor and I both nearly fired on them. Thor was very close to chewing them out but Uncle Bedros came up and ask, "Is it true?"

Then the confusion grew even worse when Grandmother Chuckri walked up and demanded, "Take me to this place."

No one knew what to do with the fierce old woman. I stepped forward and said, "It's not a good place Grandmother Chuckri."

"Such places are not. But still … I will go … and you will take me," she said looking directly at me.

I looked at Thor but he was dealing with Uncle Bedros so I held my left arm out so that she could balance herself and kept my rifle in my right hand. I looked at the baby for a second but then turned and did as the old woman had commanded me.

It wasn't a long walk and she just stood and looked for a while before covering her face with her hands and saying something in Armenian. Her face was wet with tears when she turned to me and said, "I thought to never see such a thing again, to be free of such fear for the remainder of my life. Take me back to my son."

When I got her back she looked at Bedros and said in one of the saddest voices I had ever heard, "It is as it was."

While Thor, Barkley, Chuckri and I found a place a little further up and off the road that could conceal us the baby was put into the elder wagon. I was almost afraid to ask about her but then I saw Markrid caring for here. I didn't want to approach so I looked from a little way off but she caught me and called me over. Vika sat near her but turned her face away when I got there.

"She lives. Look," she said as she pushed the blanket down that she had been swaddled in. "My sister Anoush still has milk."

The sister in question rolled her eyes and said, "Yes, but you will do the raising of this one. I have enough children of my own to care for and a husband who has in mind to give me more."

Markrid smiled in a way I had never seen her smile before. "She will grow strong. God heard my prayers."

I saw Vika's mouth set mulishly before saying, "She's a devil baby. Just like the one who found her. You don't even know for sure …"

"Enough." Markrid's voice was like steel. "Vika, we have spoken of this already. Rock-ee is old enough to defend herself but this baby … she is an answer to prayer, my prayers, and you will respect that – and respect me young lady – whether you agree or not." The baby started smacking her lips and sucking on her fist distracting Markrid. "Ah, she is hungry again. Anoush …"

"They are always hungry at this age Markrid. You will see." But Anoush still smiled at both the baby and her sister. I remembered that Markrid's husband had left her and never returned. It looked like she'd wanted a child more than the husband.

Thor and the other men were still worrying at the idea of whether to go forward or risk adding weeks to our travel time by finding another way across the Mississippi. Then a whiff of something caught my attention. The men wouldn't be smoking, they knew better than to draw attention to us in this kind of situation … but still, I smelled tobacco. I tried to casually turn and look into bushes but it didn't take long to find what I was after.

As soon as he figured out I'd pegged him he stepped forward with his hands out. He reminded me of Evans for some reason. "You ain't one of them. I … I thought some of you might be … but they wouldn't have taken in a baby … not one they'd already thrown out."


	43. Chapter 43

Chapter 43

"You people need to be careful; something has set 'em off again."

"Set who off again?" I asked careful to keep the stranger covered with my rifle.

"You aren't from around here are you?"

I was not about to give him an answer and was about to whistle for Thor when the man in front of me says, "Whoa big man … I'm not looking for trouble. They just usually attack larger groups and I'm looking for a little place by your fire for …"

I didn't hear what he was saying because I saw these two little eyes peeping out of the bushes.

"Thor?" He was busy grilling the stranger so I said, "Thor, tell him he can bring the kid to the fire."

The guy looked worried and involuntarily glanced behind him. "Hey, that's OK. I'll just be going and …"

I said quietly, "Hey mister, if you're just trying to find a safe place for you and the kid to rest for the night" … I glanced at Thor … "as long as you don't make any sudden or suspicious moves, we'll make room."

It wound up being not one kid but two, a boy and a girl and Thor really wanted to say something to me about it I was sure but he kept it to himself until later. The boy was the older of the two but not by much; if there was a year between them I would have eat my hat. Richards insisted on looking the kids over and other than the boy having a scab on his knee that needed cleaning and the girl having a bump on her forehead and a scratch on her chin they appeared healthy enough that they weren't quarantined. They wouldn't leave the man's side however but Loosig, Anoush's oldest daughter, was very good with small children and got them to crawl out of the man's lap … who turned out to be their uncle … and sit on a small plastic table cover and drink some milk.

"I don't guess they've seen milk in … well, since probably when the power went out," the man said. "My name is Hal … Hal Jensen. The kids are Jeff and Emmy but we call her Tink, they were my sister's." He sighed the said sadly, "She didn't last two weeks." He checked to make sure the two kids were otherwise occupied and said, "I … I don't like to speak ill of the dead, especially not family, but my sister was an accident waiting to happen even when times were good. She was just plain useless when stuff hit the fan. I was home on leave … I was stationed on the southern border – civilian patrol, five years … when everything went crazy. I was crashed on her couch because my other sister and her family were staying at my parents' place. What a mess."

After everyone had calmed back down and gone back to preparing dinner – it had been decided to stay in the warehouse we were using as cover for the night rather than risk going into town with no forward intel – Thor said, "Mr. Jensen …"

"Hal. Let's just leave it at Hal."

"All right … Hal … you seem to have some information that we need. We gave you and your family space around our fire, you think you feel up to sharing now?"

"Ha. You might not be too happy when I do … or think I'm insane … or worse."

I looked over since Thor was losing his patience with the delay and to head off any trouble I interjected, "You might be surprised. But either way, let us be the judge of that and just tell your story."

"All righty then. Like I said, I was home on leave and staying with my sister and then it hits the fan. Two weeks in my sister ODs on her meds 'cause she was having panic attacks. I don't think she did it on purpose … she was just … weak. Yeah, one of those weak people that just stands there while the world chews 'em up and spits 'em out. Things were really bad in the city for a couple of weeks, all sorts of crazies running around. People were dying but there wasn't really a mass die-off like I've heard there was in other areas, just dribs and drabs here. But something started happening."

He took a swallow of water and continued. "It seemed to be a good thing at first. Groups would band together and help each other. After a while though it wasn't neighbor helping neighbor it was color helping color, religion helping religion … that sort of thing … you stuck with the people that were most like you … the outside meant more than the inside it seemed. Then these groups started fighting with each other. At first the fights were just … you know … words; but it didn't take it long for words to turn to sticks, sticks to stones, and stones to bullets. Sometimes two or three groups would join forces to take out another group … three small groups would take out one large group, weird stuff like hook ups you never expected to see. Like the enemy of my enemy is my friend type stuff."

Another sip and I noticed his hands had started to shake. "But not being part of any group I started to notice stuff. It was like one or two of the groups would just kind of sit back and let the other ones destroy each other and then they'd come in behind them and clean up … take their supplies, take their territory, take their women, freaky crap that didn't make any sense. In less than two months there was only three main groups left … a group that is what you'd call kind of a Judeo-Christian umbrella group, then a Middle Eastern group, and the third group was made up of all the people that were left and were generally caught between the first two groups."

Hal was full of nervous energy and was getting twitchy. Someone handed him a bowl of stew and he didn't even think about it, he started feeding the two kids. Markrid saw, walked over, and brought another bowl and a good chunk of flat bread. Hal looked up and I swear it looked like he'd walked into a brick wall; his mouth all but fell open. The young boy pulled his uncle's pants leg and said, "Uncle Hal, that's the pretty lady that took that baby."

I've got a weird sense of humor about some things and looking at the two of them I had to cover my mouth or I would have laughed out loud. I don't know who was redder, Markrid or Hal. Uncle Bedros' didn't miss it either and I couldn't help but lean over and whisper, "Guess when God decides it's time for a prayer to be answered He doesn't do it in half measures." Suddenly Uncle Bedros started looking at Hal in a very speculative light and rubbing his chin. That almost broke my composure completely. On my other side Thor put his toe to my ankle and gave me a warning look so I tried to go back to being an old sober sides.

"The JC's … what I call the Judeo Christian group … they got along fine for the most part though they would have a spat on occasion. The secular group I guess you'd say was a group only because I'm not sure what else to call them. They'd work together but only on a case-by-case basis and I never saw 'em come together all at the same time. Now them Middle Eastern folks … they'd come together and beat the fire out of the other groups but that's the only time they seemed to get along."

Thor said, "That's interesting Hal but that still doesn't explain what has you so spooked and what situation created that killing field."

Hal shook his head, "It does and it doesn't. I had to lay the foundation for you to understand what started happening about the middle of May. See those Middle Eastern folks, they were here before the collapse but it's not like they had a huge population of 'em. We had maybe four or five businesses that were owned by peopling claiming to be Muslim … and two of them were gas stations. I'm not saying that to bad mouth 'em, just it's the fact. Now there was a Muslim student union and that could get rowdy on occasion but most of that could be put down to someone getting the kids wound up and not because they'd come up with trouble all on their own. From what my Pop told me most of the Muslims didn't like it when the kids brought the authorities around and tried to keep a tight rein on 'em."

He sighed, "But after the collapse … something happened. You know there were them rumors flying that the Greenies and the Muslims had come together and started the whole thing. Some of the Muslims received a real beat down from the locals over it so they felt they had some scores to settle. It was bad but mostly normal stuff … beat down for beat down, trashing a store, scaring the crap out of the family. Then these guys from over in Cairo show up." Hall stopped and seemed to be thinking of how to explain things.

"They were hard cases … refused to speak English, wore Muslim garb, treated their women like they were back in the old country. Real America haters … so bad it made me wonder why they were here in the first place. Then they started beating on other Muslims that didn't follow Sharia law. Pretty soon they had taken over them people … the old leadership are mostly in another one of them killing fields in Capaha Park near the university. There was some kind of purge; I mean that they killed a lot of their own. They tightened up their power base and locked down their community. I'm telling you the blood literally ran in the streets. But the JCs, man when they got wind of what was going on … if the blood ran before it became a flood when they got involved. Both sides whacked each other like they couldn't get to their version of the afterlife fast enough … and the rest of us caught in the middle died too."

"The fighting spread to Jackson and from what I hear over into Cairo too. Then people started dying. I don't mean dying from the fighting I mean dying from some kind of sickness. Both sides died hard even though it was rumored that it started in a Muslim neighborhood. It was so bad that it burnt itself out in two weeks and those left behaved even crazier than they were before. It's an automatic death sentence for anyone that 'offends the prophets' or 'blasphemes allah' … or basically does anything that the head honchos of the Muslim camp don't like. They've killed so many of their own women they are having to go steal some from other places. And they ain't too picky about how old they are either … sick #$%&?}."

No one said anything so I asked, "You said they attacked caravans?"

"Not groups the size of this one so much. They've spent most of their ammo and what they have left is held by the leaders of the community. Some of us think it is because they are afraid their own people will revolt or assassinate them."

Alfonso said, "Yeah, if I was them I'd be worrying about that too. 'Specially if they ain't got anything to keep their people happy. Them killing all the women wouldn't make things too comfortable that's for sure."

I was thinking and Thor must have smelled it because he asked, "If you know so much, can you tell us if they track groups they are thinking of attacking?"

"You mean have they been tracking you? Yeah I saw a couple of 'em. They'd been on your tail probably since Jackson. They have an outpost there they use, trying to plant a community up there I guess. They supply the gangs that operate out of Jackson with drugs and in exchange the gangs act as enforcers and informants."

Barkley asked suspiciously, "How do you know so much?"

Hal took a deep breath and said, "You either wise up or you die around here. They tried to take Tink a couple of times, and some of 'em ain't too bashful to take young boys if you catch my drift. The last time they tried to take her we hit the road and started hiding doing the best we can by salvaging, most of us that don't leave with either of the two camps of people live that way. I've been looking for a group to ride out of here with; I just want to get the kids on the other side of Cairo. These kids aren't going to grow up if I don't get them gone from this place."

Then a thought occurred to me. "Hal? This Muslim group … do you know whether they are Sunni or Shia?"

He looked at me offended that I'd think he'd know something like that. "Just how close to them do you think I am?"

"You've heard them talking, have been here since the beginning. So, do you? Know that is," I persisted.

He shrugged. "I don't know. I'm sorry."

"What about Twelvers? Have you heard anyone saying something about the Mahdi or something like that?"

"Mahdi? Yeah, they've used that word. You can hear some of 'em screaming and preaching or whatever they consider it and they talk about this Mahdi person all the time."

"You're sure?" I had to know.

"Sure I'm sure. Sometimes they raise so much racket about it you can't even hear yourself think and then they all get going and … and it gets scary and you find a hole and crawl in it and pray they don't see you."

I got up and walked away to the other side of a wagon and left the men grilling Hal some more. Thor made me jump when he put his hands on my shoulders and slowly pulled me back against him; I hadn't heard him follow me. "You think this is what you've been sensing?"

"Not this specifically but nothing he said contradicted how I felt. Gangs in Jackson would account for the wicked and grody feeling. The fear would have been a result of that. The feeling of being watched was either the gangs or people from the Muslim outpost following us. At some point you can add Hal into that which may have been what Pilbos was sensing."

"Well don't sound so disappointed Hon."

I turned around and looked at him. "That isn't funny Thor. You act like I wanted it to be something."

"Rochelle … Hon …"

"No," I told him shrugging him off.

"Rochelle," he wrapped his arms back around me. "OK, so maybe I stuck my foot in it again. But you want to know something?"

""What?" I asked highly irritated.

"I'm relieved."

"Relieved?"

"Yeah. They bleed Rochelle … just like all the other enemies that I've fought. They aren't some boogie men that I have no chance against."

I turned around in his arms and said, "I never said that they were."

"Girl, you just don't realize how spooky you were getting. Just because I knew it intellectually doesn't mean I don't have an imagination too. This situation we're faced with isn't good, but it isn't some supernatural woolybooger either."

I leaned my head down on his chest. "This isn't over. Those Twelvers can be as crazy as the Greenies can. Remember when it was all over TV that little guy Ahmadinejad and a couple of guys from his cabinet said that they wanted to cause the world to descend into chaos so as to force the Mahdi to return? Those guys were members of the Hojjatieh Society before Ayatollah Khomeini banned it because even he … the crazy of crazies … thought the Hojjatieh were too violent and fanatical to be allowed to continue."

He gave me a very weird look. "For someone who is little more than a … God help me … little more than a kid from the country you sure know a lot Middle Eastern politics and religion."

"Well if you'd had people threaten to kill you all of your life you'd want to know who was out to get you too wouldn't you? One of the few times my dad let slip that he was really worried was …"

"Was?"

Not wanting to sound pathetic but probably doing so anyway I said, "Look, my folks weren't crazy but they hadn't exactly been blessed when they got me for their flavor."

"Rochelle …"

I patted his chest, "It's OK Thor. They loved me and I loved them but I wasn't blind to the hardships having me as a kid caused them. People avoided them or downright cursed them in some cases. There was a financial burden they had a hard time keeping up with. People trying to get into their business that had no right to be there. A group tried to have me removed and put in a mental hospital because they claimed I was dangerous and made Mom and Dad out to be nuts because they wouldn't do what was best for society at large. Lots of stuff like that but the worst was when we'd be physically threatened. We'd always hear the rumors first because of the contacts the Marshalls had and with Jonathon being my best friend … it had its perks I guess. When the rumors started that the Greenies were hooking up with some radical Muslim groups and what that could mean … Dad … well he … I heard him talking to Mom and they were both wondering why God had done it to them; given them me for a baby."

"What?!" Thor asked, upset for me.

"Easy. They never acted that way with me … plenty of times they both put themselves in front of me to keep me from being hurt by people that should have known better. They didn't know I was snooping around, listening when I should have been in bed asleep. I figure they were just being human on a particularly rough day or something … but it did make me think … and it made me appreciate them even more. But the thing with the radical Twelvers hooking up with the Greenies to bring about the end of the world, that worried my dad more than just about anything else. He added this room off the basement. We mostly just kept extra supplies in it but it was supposed to be like a panic room or something in case things went bad. And you are only one of two people in the world that know about that room now."

Thor held me for a moment then muttered into my hair, "Thank you for telling me. I wish I had met your parents."

I smiled despite everything and told him, "Mom would have been gaga over you and Dad would have come around … though you'd have probably come over to find him cleaning his guns more than once or twice to send a message."

Thor's chest bounced with suppressed laughter. "He'd have every reason to as you can well attest to." Then he got serious again. "I'm not going to ask you to disguise yourself as a boy again. One I don't like it and two, I don't know that you could pull it off anymore. You lost some weight when you were sick and your face is softer … and so's the rest of you."

"Watch your hands Buddy," I told him. But I couldn't deny it was true. I was still lean and hard but all of the traveling and difference in how I worked also changed my shape. I was most definitely girl shaped and it would be harder to cover it up.

"I'm serious Rochelle. You don't know if you're a target. I don't think they would have any information on your personally but I'd prefer not to take those kind of chances. I'm going to quietly get the word around that until our guest leaves I don't want anyone to mention you know what, not even amongst themselves in case we have watchers."

"You think Hal is going to ask to come with us?"

"He sure seems to be leading up to it. And speaking of that … just because a kid is involved doesn't mean you can suddenly go soft on somebody. Kids get used as decoys all the time. I didn't get any bad vibes off of him and he seems sincere enough but no more of that, you hear?" When he said it like that I understood and quickly agreed to be more careful in the future. But it seemed kind of fated somehow.

When we got back to the rest of the group Barkley was saying, "So you're saying that the best bet is to make a beeline for the memorial bridge, cross it and then hurry through Cairo as well? Try and get through it all in one day?"

Coming into the conversation Thor said, "No way will that happen. That's roughly forty miles and we've never done better than twenty-three and that put a bad strain on human and animal alike."

Hal said, "Don't have to. There's a JC enclave in this place called Olive Branch. They aren't much for strangers but they keep the Muslims out and if we leave them alone they'll leave us alone."

Chuckri asked, "What can you tell us about this Olive Branch?"

"Not a lot. I've done some trading there but the community is pretty closed off from everything. The only thing that brings them out of their shells is if they think the Muslims are encroaching on their territory. And they've still got guns and that is what keeps the Muslim group from messing with them too much. They're still too big a nut to crack."

Thor pulled out his well worn map and said, "OK, tomorrow we get through town quickly – Girardeau to this Olive Branch – then we overnight there and get up the next morning and make a run through Cairo, cross the Ohio River and get into Kentucky as far as we can."

The men continued talking but Mrs. Chuckri called me over. "We think we have a plan that will make things easier for the next two days but we could use another pair of hands."

That was my clue to volunteer which I did readily as I was starting to get that nervous feeling again, like there was someone out there watching us.


	44. Chapter 44

Chapter 44

Mrs. Chuckri said, "We will make Lavash … the flat bread that you liked the other night … and then we will have pots of other things to make wraps that we can make in the wagons and pass out so that we can eat on the move."

I liked the idea. When Dad and I would hike one of our first lunches was usually something we could eat as we walked. This would be a similar type thing.

"Yes ma'am," I told her. "What can I help with."

"We will make the bread, it will go faster. Will you help make the beetroot hummus and falafel balls? In the morning we will make yogurt dressing, chopped some of the pickled vegetables we have, and cut some of the goat cheese. Tomorrow's evening meal will be Red Lentil Soup as we have plenty … and we will be adding three more mouths?"

"Potentially, yes ma'am. I don't know if Mr. Jensen has formally requested to join the caravan or not."

"Hmmm."

The "hmmm" was a mother wondering about something but I was going to stay as far away from that situation as I could. I had enough trouble with my own romance, the idea of playing cupid in any way kind of turned my stomach.

After I joined the group I believe I figured out why I was asked … my arms. I could have laughed at the relieved look on the younger girls' faces when I proceeded to puree the canned beets and canned chick peas by hand. I didn't mind, Mom was the same way at the holidays. She had muscles in her hands and arms that didn't show – baking our bread put them there among other things – but she wasn't shy about putting me to work when she had more than one or two items to do. I enjoyed kneading the bread though occasionally she would tell me to stop beating on it, that it hadn't ever done anything to warrant me kneading it so hard the bread would wind up like a brick.

Soon enough everything was finished and packaged for the next day and I returned to Thor. Neither one of us had guard duty that night though we'd be on call in case anything suspicious happened.

"Someone is watching us again," I told Thor soberly.

"Yeah, if they watched any harder we'd be feeling their eyelashes on our skin." He stretched and I heard his back pop. "I've spent too many nights sleeping on the ground. What are the mattresses like at this farm of yours?"

I snickered a small laugh, "Softer than this ground is and wider than this sleeping pad."

"How much softer? How much wider?"

"You're in a funky mood. Did Hal say something else?" I asked him noting that he wasn't as playful as he usually was when it was bedtime for both of us.

He was rubbing his neck and rotating it like it was bothering him so I decided to give him a message to get him focused on more pleasant things.

"Oooo, now that … ahhh … yeah, right … mmmm … yeah, right … there."

"Now are you going to tell me or am I going to have to squeeze it out of you?" I mock threatened.

He snorted, "Ulterior motives? I'm shocked. Can't a back rub just be a back rub?"

"Hmmm, seem to recall my mother telling Dad the same thing a time or two." I laughed quietly but kept massaging because he really was tensed up. "Seriously Thor, spill it and tell me how I can help."

He enjoyed the massage a few more minutes before turning the tables. "Your turn."

"Hey, this isn't quite what I meant."

He grinned wickedly and said, "I know." Then he settled down and got serious again. "Rochelle, do me a favor and … and be extra careful the next few days."

"Bad feeling?"

"No more specific than yours," he muttered. "But this does have the feeling I'd get before a nasty bit of conflict. Doesn't have to mean a firefight of course but there's some potential there as well. Too many variables here and though we have some intel from this Jensen fellow I don't know how much credence to give it. I have nothing to measure it against. He could just be feeding us a line."

"So we prepare either way," I told him.

"I'd rather be able to put all of our energy and resources into a single type of action rather than splitting our energies," he said, still troubled.

"So, again, what can I do specifically?"

He sighed, "I hate having you be in this."

"Excuse me?"

"Oh, don't get bent out of shape. Now that I've found you and admitted that I can't live without you it would be nice if we actually got to live and grow old together."

The brashness of that statement took my breath away.

"But on the other hand," he stopped and I could sense he was struggling to say something. "Hon, if … if something happens to me, I don't want you taking any risks. Just get going and don't look back. I'll either catch up … or I won't. And if I don't … if I don't I don't want you crawling in some hole and giving up. I watched that happen to my mother and I won't rest easy thinking that I … I did the same thing to you."

I wanted to punch him but for the sake of his feelings I didn't. I turned around and said, "Thor, I'll try … if for no other reason than your peace of mind right now … but I'm not just going to give up on you so can we change the subject before we get into an argument that neither one of us is going to win? That's not what I want to do right now."

His eyebrows shot up into his hairline. "Oh? And what is it you want to do?"

"Talk a little more about that living and growing old together. Gives us incentive to get through the next couple of days, don't you think?"

So we talked the mushy talk for a while and then we both knew we needed our rest. I was briefly tempted to just say the heck with it and go with the flow but I'll be honest and say that I was still looking for something a little more. I wondered if I was being too old-fashioned … wanting some kind of ceremony in front of other people that said, "Hey, we've decided to make this forever and ever amen." Whatever was going on in my subconscious, it still hadn't happened and so long as Thor seemed to be OK with that I wasn't going to poke the bear too much, no sense in creating a problem where none existed.

The next morning came too early. Because we were trying to do twenty plus miles in a single day, miles that we weren't really sure what they would bring us, we needed an early start. Everyone was quiet. Chuckri reported to Thor that he'd only been able to spot a single watcher.

"He had an old hunting rifle of some type … he was up in a tree so I didn't get a good look at him … but he handled it like it wasn't a normal thing for him to have one. It hung from a strap every time I checked to see if he was still there. He even looks like he fell asleep at one point. I'd have to save very little real training or too many hours … either way he didn't pose a serious threat last night."

Barkley walked up, "The one that just took his place does."

I kept my ear turned to them but didn't interrupt. Thor asked, "How so?"

"Kalishnikov rifle, more obvious training … it sounded like he laid into the guy he was replace and the one from last night seemed a little scared of this guy … plus, and worst of all, he seemed to have a working handheld radio. Looks like a AN/PRC-6809. They could have swiped them off of a SWAT team or something like that but I would have thought that the EMP would have gotten all of them."

Thor was obviously thinking and Chuckri said, "If they really are part of a terrorist organization, they could have acquired them pre-EMP and had them in a hardened location. Not good. Thor?"

"Or they could have gotten lucky with an accidental Faraday cage. Either way we have to get on the road. The radio does make a difference, but it doesn't change that particular fact. The longer we sit in one place the more time they have to surround us. Let's head out … and keep an eye on the boys and those #$% animals."

We were making good time until the Broadway exit where we found a road block. Thor was not happy I am sure but it was my shift to be on point. I was looking for a way around the intentional mess that had been piled on either side of the route when a shot rang out. It didn't come anywhere near me but from the corner of my eye I saw Thor reel in his saddle.

"Oh no you did not just do what I think you did!" I growled under my breath looking for the shooter. That's when I saw them. They were inside one of the piles of cars using them as cover. Being on foot I was a smaller target. I briefly wanted to smile at the irony of that but I was too angry. I started shooting into the cars and trucks that made up the roadblock when Montgomery ran up to me.

"Where are they?" he asked urgently.

"Inside the blasted piles. See 'em?" I snarled.

"Well now … let's just give 'em a reason to be sorry they picked that particular spot. I been saving these babies since I found 'em at the farm. I'll give them greenies credit for having some pretty toys to play with. How's your aim Kid?"

"You want aim you should get Pilbos up here. He was the quarterback," I reminded him.

"Naw, Thor has him covering the younglings. Here, toss it and try and get it in rather than on the pile but duck after you do. Shrapnel is gonna fly."

Montgomery told us after finding them that the little golf ball sized things were a type of V40 mini grenade primarily designed to be a frag type weapon. It felt like a skipping rock in my hand and that is how I threw it. I skimmed it right into the windshield of one of the piles behind the first one. For such a small device it packed a wallop; about like when Jeter McGree used some dynamite he'd swiped from the quarry where he worked to take out some stumps on his back forty.

All went quiet and Montgomery and I went running through the resulting mess looking for survivors. There weren't any. I ran back to the caravan to relay the info while Montgomery continued on point. I found Richards finishing a bandage on Thor's arm.

"Don't Rochelle, there isn't time. I want to get through before the hole we've opened closes back up. Is the road clear?" he asked sticking with his most professional tone that told me he was in pain.

"There's one place that is a little narrow but it's passable."

"Continue on," he ordered with a grimace.


	45. Chapter 45

Chapter 45

I know I needed to stay focused but between my anger at the attackers and my concern for Thor who was extremely pale I suspected I was struggling to keep things in perspective and keep my mind on business. I knew for sure when we were in sight of the bridge and Montgomery caught up with me.

"Slow down Kid. You're getting too far out front. Someone could get between us and cut off about ability to reach the caravan and lend assistance."

"OK. How's Thor looking?" I asked knowing he'd just come from back there.

"Stay focused," he admonished me. "You aren't going to help him worrying and getting yourself hurt 'cause you weren't paying enough attention. How do you think that is going to make him feel."

I sighed know he spoke the truth even if I didn't like it. I focused Evans' binoculars that I'd inherited on what was in front of me. "Bridge is down to one lane as far as I can see. The vehicle left are all single layers and won't give cover the way those piles of them did. But the way they are done this can't be how the cars just stopped. Everything is way too neat; it's not natural."

"Mississippi probably has a lot of cars plugging things under the bridge. Hal said, and I guess you weren't there at that point, that group from Olive Branch cleared it early on where the Muslim group tried to trap them on the peninsula, and in the process they simply upended a bunch over the sides. Another thing, you notice how all the buildings overlooking the highway are damaged pretty significantly?"

I said, "Yeah, I thought that was done in the rioting."

"Only partially. Hal said that group fire bombed most of those left to get rid of the sniper vantage points. Apparently they had a big salvage operation going and then destroyed stairwells and catwalks to make them unusable."

"Persistent sons a guns ain't they?" But the picture he was painting actually made me feel blessed and grateful. We could have been hip deep in bad guys throwing things at us including bullets. "They haven't tried to that the bridge out completely?"

"Naw. Both sides need it too much. The Mississippi is a dangerous river, difficult to go crossways on. The bridge is the most reliable route. The Muslims may shoot themselves in the foot at some point but not until they are willing to cut themselves loose from the leadership in Cairo."

"So this isn't anything but a preview of things to come."

Montgomery shrugged, "Couldn't stay easy forever."

Actually crossing the bring was anticlimactic, at least until we got a half mile on the other side when I got a bad case of the heebies. Montgomery caught up to me. "Hey Kid, when I said slow down I didn't mean this slow."

I looked at him. "There's a couple of people watching from those bushes."

"How many?" he asked going into wolf mode.

"I don't know. Probably two or three. I smell two different tobacco smokes for sure and maybe some Copenhagen in there too. Doubt someone is going to puff and dip at the same time."

"You can smell that?"

"Don't look at me all weird. When the breeze was blowing this way even Pilbos would have noticed it."

A crafty look came over his face. "I've never seen a Muslim with a Copenhagen ring on his pocket. Cigarettes yes, dip … no."

I just nodded trying to notice anything useful. Montgomery was fading to go back to the caravan to give them a heads up when I saw a rifle barrel poke from the bushes.

"Down!" Montgomery dropped and the rifle barrel disappeared. I was a hair's width away from spraying the bushes but decided to give them one last chance since I didn't know who was on the other side of them. "Hey, you in the bush, all we want to do is avoid trouble and pass by. No harm, no foul this time but I won't put up with you aiming at my friend again. If you've got a problem with us passing by then explain before you shoot."

No one said anything for a moment then a voice called out, "Are ye with them?"

"With who?" I asked.

"Them heathens," the same voice answered to be followed by another voice with a less rural accent, "The Muslims."

"We're not with any group from around here," I told the disembodied voices. "We're just passing through, looking for a place to stay for the night out of everybody's way."

The second voice said, "You're with that bunch from the bridge?"

"Yes," I answered since they probably already knew the truth of it anyway.

I could hear them conferring then one shouted, "Whoa! No closer!"

I turned to see Thor teetering on his horse and I hollered, "You people whoa yourselves. You mess with him and you …"

Thor called, "Easy now." I turned and gave the bushes a dirty look, leaving Montgomery to cover us both as I helped Thor down.

I heard a voice from the bushes, "You better be related boy 'cause we don't tolerate that kind of stuff here."

I was losing patience and turned around and said, "Keep your dirty mouth shut. If you had a lick of sense …" I didn't get to finish what I was saying because Thor put his hand over my mouth. If he hadn't been in obvious pain I would have bit him. Instead I nodded my head but let him not my feelings by snorting and giving him a look that told him just how fed up I was with the current male population in general.

A fourth voice spoke up from a direction I hadn't suspected and with a little bit of laugh in his voice said, "Sorry ma'am. Taye must not have his glasses on." A man in his forties stepped out much to the consternation of his fellows. Taking in Thor's bloody bandage he said, "Looks like you've had some trouble."

Thor said in a casual and reasonable tone of voice, "Nothing we couldn't handle."

The fourth man walked up easily but carefully and stuck out his hand, "Abe Rhodes."

"Thor will do for me," Thor said sticking his own hand out.

Mr. Rhodes smiled again, looking Thor up and down, and said, "I believe it will."

A whiff of a smell on the wind had me turning back towards the bridge. At almost the same time Mr. Rhodes did the same thing. I looked over at Thor and said, "Exhaust, diesel."

Mr. Rhodes made a motion with his arm and then turned to Thor, "Get your people and animals and come on. You can stay between the walls, but we won't leave the gates open forever."

Montgomery ran to the lead wagon and everyone started moving forward at a quick pace. I boosted Thor into his saddle and told him, "You've got point. I'm going back to help Chuckri get the kids in." I took over at a run knowing that I'd likely be paying for that but too worried at the strength of any group that still had working diesel engines. Besides, Thor needed to be upfront to do any parley if need be.

I wondered what was taking the wagons so long to get going forward when I saw they boys dumping sheep and goats into the wagons with people as quick as they could be rounded up. "Keep moving!" I told them. "Faster. Better to lose an animal than your family. Move!"

The dogs were moving the remaining herd animals faster than the wagons could move so I sent the boys ahead. That's when the first bullet came our way. "Faster!"

Pilbos leaned down in the saddle and grabbed David and Chuckri had grabbed Taniel. "Go! I'll cover the rear!" I told them.

"Cover your own rear!" hollered Pilbos. "If you don't Thor'll have our heads." That didn't stop him from moving forward and trying to keep the cows and their calves moving.

I picked some cover and proceeded to teach them that was following us that it wasn't nice to hack off a girl from Virginny. It especially wasn't nice to endanger our love life. Suddenly Montgomery was at my side. "Wanna play some more?"

"Don't mind if I do," I told him in a bloodthirsty frame of mind.

I wasn't in the shape I was during the season but doggone I hadn't degenerated into some weakling either. Now you figure they'd have learned some caution after what happened before hand but apparently not. I guess they were all too eager for them virgins they were constantly going on about. My throwing arm skipped that little ball shaped thing right into the cab of the lead vehicle. That made a good sized mess in the middle of the road, blocking it to the vehicle behind. We'd halved their forces in one boom.

But it didn't stop them. Men poured out of the second truck like clowns from a clown car. Montgomery got my attention and we headed off at a run. There are days you fight and days you run to fight another day.

And days you dig in and fight whether you want to or not because you can't outrun the enemy's bullets.

Why is it during the worse time you get the hiccups? It was probably nerves but that didn't make them any less annoying. They were also interfering with my ability to aim and shoot with the accuracy I normally had. Dat burn it I hate when that happens. But hiccups or not I didn't leave Montgomery to do all the work.

Then from our side I caught a couple trying to sneak around us and cut us off. They rushed and the stinking hiccups messed me up again. I guess those knuckleheads didn't expect me to turn around and rush them right back. I noticed when I took the two losers down they were kind of scrawny but that didn't stop me from picking them up and slamming them down hard. I heard one of 'em make this funny snapping noise and thought, "Oops. Gotta watch your strength girl." Then I thought, "Oh no you don't gotta watch nothing. Squash these idiots like the cockroaches they are."

When I was through I turned to find Montgomery just looking at me and shaking his head. "Stop playing with your food Rocky. Let's go." We headed out at a good clip, unsure if we had any more following us. Before long I was glad my main pack was in one of the wagons. It was too flaming hot for this kind of nonsense.


	46. Chapter 46

_**Chapter 46**_

"Men perspire, women glow" … or so I was told by one particular Southern lady on a warm Sunday afternoon while we were sitting out food for dinner on the grounds. Pardon my French but what a load of manure. I may not have been the most ladylike lady that ever walked the earth but I still considered myself one to some degree and I wasn't glowing or perspiring … I was sweating like a pig. Who would have thought that it could get that hot in Illinois of all places? When I thought of Illinois I always pictured Chicago in the winter with wind blowing people and snow sideways, not humidity that reminded me of summer vacation back home.

The heat rash prickled under my arms reminding me that I was stupid to have given into vanity and shaved there a few days earlier after catching some of the other women in the caravan prettying themselves up. Dumb. It's not like Thor was gonna see 'cause I wasn't wearing tank tops at night since the posed a temptation I sure as heck didn't need to encourage. Not to mention the skitters would have just had new skin to aim for.

"You know," I said to Montgomery after having to duck a sudden barrage of bullets, "I am just about to get fired up."

Montgomery gave me a rather cautious look and said, "Kid, if you ain't been fired up yet remind me to avoid you if you get that way."

"It'd be the smart thing to do," I agreed.

Running and ducking and weaving and bobbing will take it out of you but we didn't have any choice. "How much ammo do those jerks have?!" I complained.

"About like us I reckon," was his answer.

"That was a lot of help."

"Aw, don't get your knickers in a knot Kid. This ain't half bad. Don't seem none of 'em are what you would call good shots."

I snorted and would have replied but we had to hit a ditch to avoid yet another round of bullets. I looked ups and said, "Who on earth names a road Goodbread Road?"

"Does it matter?" Montgomery laughed. "You know, we ought to let a couple of them guys get close just so you can work off your bad mood. I ain't never seen you like this."

"Those … those …," I sputtered. It was too hard to come up with something bad enough to call them without losing my religion. "Those so-and-so's shot Thor. They better hope they've got sense enough between 'em to stay out of my way or the crunching I gave the two that did get close will be a pretty picture compared to the way I'll leave them."

Since our enemy was still shooting we continued to stay ducked. Montgomery said, "First time you've had to face something like that?"

"Like what?"

"Danger to someone you're close to."

I sighed, "Sorta yeah and sorta no. Living in the backwoods … it can be dangerous at some points, especially with poachers, meth labs, drug runners, and things like that passing close. We had illegals made a camp in the national forest not too far from our place and they were stealing from our fields … and didn't want to move along. One of 'em took a shot at my dad and another bothered my mom at home when Dad and I were gone. Then … you know … stuff that's happened since the collapse. Evans." I hunched my shoulders at that memory. "But never anything quite like this I guess. Thor's … different … special." I was a bit embarrassed at talking about it while we were trying to avoid getting shot.

"Good for you. But the one thing you need to remember Kid. Thor is a man that has for the last decade and some spent most of his time in dicey situations. He's been hurt before. He's been hurt bad before. He knows how to handle it and handle himself. And if you and him are gonna stay together you need to be able to let go enough to let him do his job. My old man was a cop and my mom's job was being a cop's wife. They made it work. My uncle was a cop too but I watched him and his wife destroy each other because they couldn't find a balance in there. If you and Thor are gonna be able to be together and work together at the same time you're gonna have to find that balance. If you care about him you'll do it."

"So since I'm the girl …" I rolled my eyes.

"Life's hard Kid. And God put women together different from men. Don't ask me why because I ain't that smart. All I know is that women seem to got more give in that area than men do. That ain't to say that Thor ain't got his work cut out for him too, but you'll make it easier on both of you if you find a little more bend a little quicker."

I blew the hair out of my eyes – I had stopped cutting back at the Chuckri farm and true to form it was growing fast. "Fine. But I still want to crunch something … preferably someone. I'll turn all meek as soon as I get that out of my system."

"Whooeee, and won't I believe that when I see it," Montgomery snickered.

Suddenly we both went dead serious. The bullets had stopped and six men came out of the tall grass they'd been hiding in. The area had definitely missed it's bush hogging and grass, tall weeds, and bushes grew every which way. Montgomery tapped me and held up five fingers. I counted the ones I could see as they came ever closer and put up six fingers after I'd spotted a short guy in the very back.

Their robes where covered in burrs and hitchhikers. Their beards had more than a few in them as well. Feeling my own hair I realized I was going to have some fun running a comb through it before bed that night. Montgomery tapped me and started counting down, when he got to zero we popped up and due to the element of surprise Montgomery's shotgun and my semi auto rifle cut all six down. Montgomery took a burn across the top of his hand but otherwise our strategy had paid off.

Montgomery picked up a gun that had belonged to one of our followers and finished the work on those that still drew breath. "No since in using our ammo for that," he said. "Gather up what you can, especially … well, lookie here. A shamshir."

"A what?" I asked as I picked up what I could carry.

"A shamshir. It's a kind of Persian sword. Wonder where this guy got this one, probably a pawn shop. It's too new to be a family heirloom … even if he could have snuck such a thing into the country. Here, we'll take it to Thor, he'll get a kick out of it. He's been collecting knives and swords as long as I've known him."

Well, knock me down with a feather. I had no idea. I wondered what he would think of my dad's Bowie and Buck knife collections.

Being loaded down only made the slog through the weeds worse but we finally made it to an open space and took one step into and nearly got shot.

"What the hey?!" I yelped as we jumped back into the tree line.

Then I heard Chuckri's whistle so we cautiously stepped out again and then made a run for it. We should have realized we hadn't gotten all the clowns. Montgomery grunted and went down. I turned and two of them were practically on top of us. They must have been out of ammo because the guy with the gun was swinging it like a club.

I was mad. I don't like to let loose too much because I tend to scare people. I mean I understand there isn't necessarily anything wrong with anger but I've also got a duty not to give people heart palpitations that don't deserve it. But I was done … just completely done.

I let off a rebel yell that would have curdle Grandmother Chuckri's goat's milk. The two men stopped and then jabbered. The only word I caught was "shai-taan" or it sounded something like that, then I was on them. I slammed the bigger one to the ground and then stomped him and then grabbed the little guy and used him to beat on the bigger one some more.

The out of nowhere Pilbos was there and screamed in my ear, "Thor needs you."

That brought me up short. I looked over to find Chuckri and Barkley dragging the two guys off and then putting bullets into them. "Hey! I wasn't done with them."

"Sure you are Kid. Now stop messing around and give me a hand. I don't intend on having made it this far to bleed out in a field of stinking sida."

I piled all of the guns and ammo that I'd dropped into Pilbos' hands and then picked Montgomery up in a fireman's carry. He grunted and threatened to puke all down my back if I started jogging but it was more to take his mind off his real pain than a real threat … but just to be on the safe side I kept it to a smooth walk while the other three men covered our entrance into a tall gate.

I carried Montgomery over to where Richards was already trying to sit on a highly irritated Thor. "I ought to …"

There is only one cure for that kind of thing. I fell to my knees gave him a breath stealing kiss and promptly burst into tears. "Don't … (hiccup) … you ever … (sniff) … scare me like that … (nose blow) … again! You hear me?!" Then I kissed him again and pretty much left him speechless and forgetting exactly what he'd been meaning to say to me.

The next little while was more of a blur than any kind of linear memory for me. I remember that Abe Rhodes came out and said we were welcome to stay behind the wall for the night so long as we didn't get up to any shenanigans. He left for a while to give us time to settle down and take care of our wounded but came back later with some other folks that were interested in trading news and for some of the guns that Montgomery and I had collected.

"We've got guns, ammo, and reload capacity … but spare parts are nothing to sneeze at," said the man who turned out to be the community's armorer, or whatever you call the dude that takes care of the guns and knows all about them.

All of 'em seemed nice enough but Hal had been right about one thing, they sure were closed off. They didn't even want anyone standing close to the inner gates or looking in.

Thor was in a lot of pain but I learned real quick that trying to do for him was a quick way to make him irritable. So I hung around in case he needed something but I didn't hover. By the time night had approached though I was ready to go to sleep. That long adrenaline rush had taken it out of me and so had the heat.

I had first watch with Chuckri and asked him, "I hate to seem like a wimp but … you know … do you think Thor is really OK or is he just acting OK because he needs to be."

He nodded and said, "It's OK Rocky. Thor really will be fine. He's going to hurt … he won't take any pain meds from the small stock we have so don't bump his arm if you can help it tonight but he isn't going to break."

"It's going to be rough tomorrow trying to make the same number of miles, especially if we run into more trouble."

"Yeah," he sighed. "I'd recommend against it if there was any other choice. But Rhodes made it pretty clear that his people wouldn't tolerate that. I don't think they'd drive us out if we had any really sick but they'd make it difficult for us."

"They already have. I felt kind of exposed going over to that horseshoe lake to get water to filter and boil. Especially as I know they have to be getting their drinking water some other way in there."

He nodded but was silent.

"Chuckri?"

"What?"

"How bad do you think Cairo is going to be?"

He sighed, "Expect the worst and you won't be disappointed."

I snorted, "Cute, but doesn't help me much."

"It is going to be too late in the day by the time we get there to fight our way through and then cross the bridge into Kentucky and find a safe place to stop for the night. We'll stop in this place called Cairo Junction tomorrow night. Barkley knows the place since he grew up in Cairo."

"Does he .. uh … did he …"

"Still have family there?" Chuckri asked.

"Yeah. That's what I mean."

"Naw. Barkley doesn't have any family … I'm the only one that does as far … sorry … that didn't come out too well."

I shrugged, "That's OK. It still hurts and one of these days I'm going to have sit down and have a good cry but my parents wouldn't want me grieving my life away. I don't know if my one aunt I had left or any of my cousins on either side of the family are still alive or not."

"Maybe they'll be at your farm waiting on you."

I chuckled at the very idea. "It had been since my grandmothers died since any of them had been to the farm. And the road that they would have used then got taken out by a bad slide the next year. Forestry had to let us open a completely new one and the way Dad put it in … let's just say if you don't know how to get to our place you aren't going to find it whether accidentally or on purpose. Not even the local government could ever find our place and made us keep a postal box in town so their people wouldn't keep getting lost."

Chuckri cocked his eyebrow, "That's some tale."

"You think? But I have to say I've personally been on three search and rescues when the county people tried to come out to our place to do an assessment and got lost. Satellite connection is so bad around that area that not even GPS helps. It works fine on the trails further off but the coordinates for our property just have ever been mapped right."

OK, so I might have been exaggerating a little … but only a little. Dad and I really did have to go find those three county officials.

When I got off duty I went to the tent and found Thor grinding his teeth. I was prepared for anger but not for his pain. I went to my pack and pulled out my bottle of headache pills. There weren't that many left in the bottom of the bottle.

"No."

"Thor …"

"No."

"Look, being a he-man is one thing but c'mon. Please Thor … they aren't much more than …"

"No."

"Just one … for my sake if you won't take one for your own."

"Rochelle …"

"I'll give you puppy dog eyes … or better yet I'll promise to mind you for … well, maybe not forever but for a while."

"Oohhhh, don't … laughing hurts."

"Hey … I was serious." Well, sort of anyway.

"Just give me the #$% pills and let's get some sleep."

It was good to get my way because I had a feeling that tomorrow and maybe the next few days I wasn't going to come anywhere close to that.


	47. Chapter 47

_**Chapter 47**_

You know how there are days that when you wake up the sleep in your eyes leaves them all cloudy until you've blinked a couple of times? Well, I couldn't blink it away. I also noticed that it was lighter than it should have been and I jumped up but luckily didn't wake Thor up in the process. It had taken him a while to finally fall asleep.

I crawled out of the tent and into … white cotton. Actually that is an exaggeration but it was just about as foggy as I'd ever seen it outside the mountains where I'd grown up. It was pea soup bad but still not as bad as the worst stuff that used to close down the Blue Ridge Parkway. I heard the animals lowing off in the direction they'd been confined for the night but I couldn't see them. I heard the swish, squirt of someone milking and given the way the cows were pitching a fit I would say it was a goat as the cows were complaining about waiting in line.

I couldn't rush to find Chuckri or Barkley because I really couldn't see what was around me. I nearly stepped on Alfonso when I did finally … literally … ran into someone. "Whoa Kid," he said quietly. "I was just coming to see if you two were awake. Chuckri needs to see you."

A sudden groan followed by the front end of a curse that got bit off told me that Thor was awake. Alfonso looked at me and shook his head. "Man, he's going to be fun to be around today. Here, this is some of that funky tea that Delia makes. See if it will help clear his head. Ain't as good as coffee but, and don't you tell her I said it, it ain't half bad either."

Poor Delia, seems the men had all adopted her like a sister and regularly ragged on her and Chuckri pretty badly. I carried the insulated mug to the tent and said, "Coming in. Don't bite my head off. I just got up myself." After I stuck my head in I saw him trying to get into the pill bottle and then get a closed off expression. I ignored his upset and turned it around by saying, "Thank you for not giving me a fight over it. I hate to upset you and I know you're only doing it so you can keep going today. Here, you take this and I'll open the bottle." I handed him the mug which he could deal with one handed then popped two of the pills directly in his mouth. "My hands are clean so don't make that face."

He growled, "It's not your hands, it's taking these things. They irritate my gut."

"You weren't able to eat much last night. I wish you'd let me do more for you. I know you don't really need me to … Chuckri told me you're pretty self-sufficient as far as the male species goes … but still, I don't feel like I'm doing my job. You took care of me when I was sick which was a lot more work than letting me do a little for you now that you've got to be careful with your arm."

He gave me a look that would have burnt a hole through me if I'd been made of less. "Had practice schmoozing guys have you?"

I put a real innocent look on my face and played up the southern belle angle, "Why, I just don't know what you're talking about, I'm sure. All I meant is that …"

I never even got a chance to finish. He snorted and said, "Fine, just drop the Scarlet O'Hara act until I can play Rhett Butler. I assume there's a good reason we aren't on the road yet."

"Well, come on out big boy and take a look at this fog and mist. I'm from the Smokies and not even I would want to travel through this stuff. Besides, Chuckri needs us."

He straightened up, "Well why in the Sam Hill didn't you say something before?"

"Because there isn't an emergency apparently or Alfonso would have said hurry and you certainly deserve a short moment to pull yourself together. You went all day yesterday without a break even after getting shot and who knows what is going to happen today."

He kissed me as I was holding the tent for him to get out and then said, "Don't do it again Rochelle. I have to stay sharp … more, I have to look like I'm sharp even when I'm less than 100%. People expect it and for now I'm still in a position I have to give it to them." I sighed but nodded. I guess that was one of those compromises that Montgomery had been mentioning the day before.

We started walking slow and careful in the general direction that Alfonso had pointed when suddenly this guy I'd never seen before barrels into us. I could just make out the momentary panic on his face while I tried desperately not to give him what for for joggling Thor's arm.

"Jumping Jehoshaphat!"

Thor rumbled a little laugh at the lingering look on the guy's face before asking, "You OK?"

"Er … yeah. You two must be Thor and … er … Rocky. Got a little sichiation we're trying to clear up and we're waiting on you."

I bent over a little and said, "Well we're coming obviously. Any particular reason you came instead of one of our own?"

"Uh … er … thought to … uh … hurry you up a might … and … er … We're over this way." He scurried off in the direction we had been heading.

Thor gave me a look and I asked innocently, "What? Was it something I said?"

"Behave or you can go back to the tent."

Still in a half teasing mood I asked, "Why is it always the guy that gets to say something like that? I'd like to get a chance to …"

I didn't get a chance to finish my teasing because we finally came around the last wagon to see some big guy take a swing at Chuckri. Pilbos, who was standing right there, bows up but the big guy pushes him back hard and he trips over something in the fog. I could hear like a buzz in my head the Olive Branch people hollering at their guy but it was too late. I'd been on the wrong end of things for too long and I can't stand bullies.

Pilbos stepping in had cleared everyone out of the way and they hadn't had a chance to fold back in. I stepped up and in close, catching the guy laughing. Well he stopped laughing and started squeaking when my knee piston up into the place it would hurt most three times. I stopped the annoying sounds he was making by head butting him like a ram. I stepped away from the guy, to watch him fall like a tall oak tree and decided to leave him retching on the ground.

I turned to Thor and asked him calmly, "What do you want me to do with him?"

Thor says, "So now you ask me?" just as calmly. I think the way we were talking freaked the Olive Branch people out a little bit.

Then I looked at the men from Olive Branch and saw a man I could at least call by name. "Mr. Rhodes any particular reason Samson there thought he was such a big prissy deal?"

I saw his mouth twitch just a bit before he said, "I do believe JR may have made an assumption that some of the people in the caravan were the same as those we fight."

"Well, you know what they say about assuming anything. Let's see how many different ways ol' JR was wrong besides the fact that he is a donkey's rear end. For starters, he don't know jack. The Chuckri's are ethnically Armenian … but they've been in this country longer than some of you people standing here have been alive. They came here legally and worked their tails off to make a better life for their immediate and extended family. They are a strong Christian family – which if it wasn't for Uncle Bedros standing here would make me won't to stomp ol' JR a little more – and have suffered through a horrifying genocide of their own in the early 1900s. They came through it not only with their faith in tact but with it strengthened. In recent months they tried to open their arms to an ex-daughter in law who then turned around and did them dirt by bringing over some greenies that proceeded to kill one of their family members, seriously hurt another, and enslave the rest. The greenies also damaged a little girl to the point that it will take a long time for her to heal. Now just where you people get off …"

"Whoa Missy," Rhodes said, holding up a hand. "I said that is what JR thought. I did not say his thought was shared by the rest of us."

"Then why did your people just stand there and let him act the fool?!"

"Young lady, when two trains are about to collide do you think standing between them is going to do any good?"

I sniffed and then was further irritated when I heard some of our own people trying to hold back their laughter. But it was Thor that said, "Enough." His deadly calm voice had an immediate impact on everyone, me included.

"Rhodes, my people have done nothing to warrant this kind of attack. I don't know why I should have but the fact that you were a Christian community led me to believe that you would behave differently than most would these days." That made me flinch. I wondered if the snuggling he and I did made a bad impression. "Apparently I thought wrongly."

One of the other men said, "You have no cause to say that to us. We could have just left you to fend for yourselves against them moooslums."

"You did," I said. "I didn't see any of you all covering our back trail or clearing the road for us to get here. So while I thank you for the ground to sleep on for the night, you are making your hospitality out to be more than it was."

Mr. Roads mouth twitched again. The man must have a wicked sense of humor. "She's got a point Burt." Then he turned back to Thor. "On my word alone I can get you another day to wait out the fog – it do hit funny around here sometimes – but that is all I can offer. Our community, for good or ill, is a democracy and we've had our share of trouble and don't want no more of it."

"If it were possible we'd leave now rather than create more problems for either of our groups," Thor told the man. "Do I have your word that the trouble is over?"

"What does your man say? Does he want a pound of flesh from what's left of JR?" Thor turned to Chuckri and at his nod though I could see it cost him some to give it Thor said, "Tavit says that it's done."

"Then I'll make sure JR is done as well." He turned to his other men. "Drag JR in and take him to the Center. He's got some explaining to do." Rhodes is a man of honor, I'll give him that. He was the one that stepped over and held out his hand first to Thor, then to Chuckri, and last but not least of all to Uncle Bedros which I thought very fitting. Me he just looked at and tipped his hat all the while trying to keep his twitching lips under control.

There is nothing like a ruckus first thing in the morning to get your blood bubbling. I had adrenaline and nothing to use it on. Pilbos was feeling the same thing from the look on his face. "I coulda took him."

"Maybe," I agreed. "On the other hand the guy looks like he'd done enough street fighting that maybe it would have been harder than you expect."

"Still …"

I shrugged. I didn't want to hurt his pride. "Next time center your gravity better. Set yourself. You know, like when you are about to throw a football. You went at him all bowed up and chest out 'cause you were angry. If your opponent had been smaller than you that might have been OK assuming he didn't just knock your legs from under you. Small guys can fight dirty 'cause they are used to having to beat the odds. But guys bigger than you … you need to think like a tackler. Center your gravity and act fast, take 'em before they have a chance to get their center of gravity set … use their size against them. The best way to end and win a fight is to act and end it quickly. If you have an opponent that you are roughly equal to then is when you need to think about stamina and trying to outlast them. But never go in with your chest or chin stuck out … you are just asking to get knocked out."

Pilbos just looked at me and then said quietly, "You didn't learn all that on the football field."

"Nope."

"But you're a girl."

I smiled a little and told him, "You aren't the first quarterback to say those words."

He snickered a laugh and said, "I suppose not." Then a moment later he said, "You got picked on pretty bad."

It was a statement and not a question. I shrugged. "Life is like that. You either learn to deal with it or you curl up and die. My parents raised me to learn to deal with it. Most of the times that meant just ignoring the ijits in the world but there are times that you do have to stand up and fight. I avoided fighting when I could. It didn't always work. I tried to turn the other cheek like we're supposed to … but sometimes I just flaming got tired of being slapped around. Don't use me as an example of what to be when you grow up. If I'd been all that great I could have figured a way to avoid most of the trouble I've seen in the first place and I wouldn't have had to know how to fight."

It made me sad to think that although my life had changed a lot in one respect it had also hardly changed at all. The players had changed. The weapons had changed. But it was still a whole lot like the playground where people couldn't decide whether to use me to win tug o' war, hide from me because they were afraid of me, or ridicule and distrust me because I was different. I was finding out too that people never really outgrew the playground mentality no matter what they claimed.

And just like that I was in a blue funk. Pilbos was called away by Ludvig to help with something leaving me to stare off into the mist and see nothing. "Hey, where are you?"

Thor was looking right at me so I didn't understand. "I'm … right here."

"You're a literal little thing. I meant your thoughts have taken you someplace and it doesn't look like a happy one."

I sighed. "Don't worry about it."

Thor's eyebrows snapped down. "You know just because I'm hurt doesn't mean you can't talk to me. I'm not about to pass out or …"

I put hand on his chest and rubbed. "I didn't mean it like that. Sorry. I'm just … I'm not sure it's worth talking about. Lord when will this fog lift? I need to get out and do something." Walk, run, carry … anything hard and physical that would let me get passed the feelings that I was feeling.

Thor put his hand over mine. "Rochelle, spit it out. You might as well know I won't let up until you do."

I figured he was right. "Do I ever embarrass you?"

"Excuse me?"

"Thor I'm serious. I'm trying really hard to use some self control, not do things that will irritate you or cause problems but they still happen. Or worse, I wind up doing things that make people forget I'm a female … and while I may not want anyone to make excuses for me because I'm female I don't want people to forget it either and … oh botheration. Just forget it."

"Don't make me chase after you, my arm is too sore for that. What has brought this on?"

"I didn't even think what it might have meant to you for me to take that JR guy on. It just slipped out. I saw a bully and I wanted to stomp the bully. I didn't think beyond that. I'm sorry."

"Hey, Hon … look at me. You do not embarrass me. You've scared me a few times. You've irritated me more than a few. But I've never been embarrassed by you … or of you which is what I think you're really asking."

I sighed. "Yeah. I guess. I … I'll try to be more ladylike."

"Don't. I like you just the way you are … well, you could let your hair keep growing. I'm having all sorts of fun times imagining what you'll look like with long hair."

"Thor," I said. "Honestly, you were shot yesterday and we are in the middle of a real pickle here. How can you still act like a randy ol' goat?" I didn't know whether to laugh or not.

"You make me feel like that, that's why. And for your information Hon, you are the only one that has ever made me feel quite like this. I swear I'd likely follow your skirts to the edge of the earth and back just on the off chance one of these days you'll say yes."

I shook my head. "You've never seen me in a skirt. And … and I'm not saying no because I don't want to. Just … just …"

"C'mere. This needs a little privacy."

We walked down a ways and out from under the rest of our group. "Sit here, it's not so damp. Now listen up. In case I haven't made it plain I'm completely mad for you. But I'm not completely ignorant and I've got concerns of my own. I keep letting myself forget how young you are … and how inexperienced." He stopped like he was trying to find the right words but I didn't know how to help him. "Rochelle, on the practical side, to make things as right as they can be it takes time to get to know your partner. If we jumped right into sex there is no saying that we could ever have it as good as it could be. And there is also the issue of protection. Right now would not exactly be the prime time for you to get pregnant but neither one of us can just walk to the corner drugstore and buy something to fix that. Even if you said yes I'm not sure I would. Things are too … too dangerous and out of sorts right now. On the other side of things is the fact that I know … and don't deny it … you're struggling with whether sleeping with me is right or not. And I don't know how to fix that. I'm not sure I even believe that a piece of paper can sanctify people sleeping together. But I know that you do … I just don't know how to provide it for you Hon."

I bowed my head, "I'm sorry Thor. I'm trying, I really am …"

"I know. I'm not blind Hon … you want it too but then I see the guilt in your eyes. I wish you wouldn't feel guilty but I know that it isn't my fault that you do."

"Of course it isn't your fault," I told him, upset that he might think that I thought it was his fault.

"Well, then we agree on that. The rest we'll work on … when the time is right. For now I'm enjoying the torture."

I wanted to believe him, I really did but what he was saying didn't fit anything that I'd heard from other people.

"You're worrying at it again," Thor mumbled. "I can hear the marbles rolling around in your head at breakneck speed."

"Thor … it scared me yesterday. Maybe I'm being selfish, but I've already lost so much. I don't know if I could stand losing you too. I never really expected to have this … whatever this is between us. To lose it before I've even had the chance to understand what it means … It would be bad enough if someone else did it. But if I did it simply by being me … I just …"

"Hush now," he said gently. "I'm not going anywhere. You aren't the only one that has suddenly discovered that there is something left to lose in this life … and something left to live for. And if something does happen, we'll just have to work on having no regrets. Bedros said …"

I looked at him and said, "You sure are talking to Uncle Bedros a lot lately."

"He's a man worth talking to. I'm starting to see things I was too busy to see before. And one of those things is that sometimes you just have to wait on the timing to be right. You can't force it. And … I'm remembering things my dad tried to teach me when I was little. He meant well, I just don't think he knew how to reach out … or maybe my mom got in the way of it too much." He shrugged, "That was a long time ago but I do remember my dad and I walking across the street to go to the chapel that was there a couple of times a month."

"Not your mom?"

"Nope. She called it … well, never mind what she called it. The older I get the more sure I am that as happy as she seemed when my dad was alive, a part of her never was. And if you don't mind that is just about as far down memory lane as I feel like travelling right now. I need to go talk to Chuckri, check on Montgomery, and make sure everything is prepped to get out of here as fast as possible tomorrow." He hissed in pain when he accidentally hit his arm but eventually we both got on our feet.

Suddenly from out in the fog came the unmistakable sing song sound of a prayer … a Muslim prayer. Uh oh.


	48. Chapter 48

_**Chapter 48**_

That sound coming through the disintegrating mist cast an eerie emotional blanket over everyone for a moment. It took a while for the people inside the Olive Branch compound to answer our knock on the inner gate.

After listening to them bluster and complain Thor stopped them with a growl. "I'm not asking for a favor, a hand out, to see the inside of your sanctuary, nothing. All I want to know is if you can normally hear them praying."

Abe Rhodes pushed through the gate shaking his heads and muttering something about "paranoid ijits" under his breath. Then to Thor he said, "No. And we shouldn't be hearing 'em now. They are way outside their territory. We beat 'em off last time but at some cost to ourselves. Seeing how your crew is professionals at this so to speak …"

He left that sentence hanging. Thor just stood there a moment then looked at the crew. "The world is changed. We all worked for a contractor before. My authority over these men for that dangerous work was based on what we had all agreed to and got paid for doing. We have stayed together since then for mutual protection and by default I've continued as the leader."

"Are you saying you need to be hired to work?" one of the men from Olive Branch asked.

Rhodes rolled his eyes Heavenward as if asking for patience. Thor didn't but I could see he was fighting for some. "No. I'm saying I don't have any authority to order these men to do what you are asking. If any of them do this, it will be because they feel it is necessary and the best course of action, not because they've been ordered to. Not anymore."

Barkley stepped forward quietly, "I'll recon."

Alfonso said, "Sure, why the heck not. Seems we might owe them some trouble to pay them back for what they've given us."

Chuckri said, "I can't risk taking our children out there until I know the road is cleared." His way of making his choice for his family.

Surprisingly Hal then stepped forward. "If I have your word that someone will take care of my niece and nephew should something happen to me I'm on board. I have some experience from being on the southern border for five years. The drug cartels weren't exactly gentle lambs. And here I won't have to worry about political correctness or treating them with kid gloves."

Richards said, "I'll cover the outer gates." He turned to look at Elsapet and I realized something was growing there. Good for them.

Montgomery showed up and fussed and mumbled then said, "Reckon I ain't just gonna sit around. Richards will need some back up and that'll be me. Long as I don't have to run around I expect I'll be fine."

Everyone was standing around nodding and getting in the mood when there was a huge explosion and the outer gate simply didn't exist anymore.

From that point forward bedlam reined. The mist was disintegrating but it was still there despite the hour of the day. It must have been some weird, local weather phenomena because it was like the humidity was actually holding the mist in place and not wanting to let it break apart.

There was screaming and caterwauling from every direction. I looked around but couldn't find Thor. I was on my own whether he'd meant me to be that way or not. I tried to put my worry for him aside. This was his job and now I needed to do mine. The barrage of ordinance continued. I couldn't see where it was coming from but the mist also hindered them from taking good aim and they were dropping short of getting into the Olive Branch compound.

I saw Pilbos, Taniel, and David and grabbed them. "Corral the animals or do something with them! If they get under foot it'll be a bigger mess than we already have!" Giving them something to do and a direction to move put a bit of speed in their step.

Next I saw Bedros trying to help his mother and wife to a safe place. I snagged Tovmas and Soghomon next. "Take the women and children and put them with the animals, away from the fighting as much as possible. You and your cousins need to ring them and protect them."

"Take this, you may need it." said Soghomon as he and his brother went off to take care of their family. He left me looking at the shamshir and I wondered what in the heck he expected me to do with it. Then a yelping battle cry sounded behind me and I suddenly understood though shooting them was much easier.

If I heard the word "shai-taan" once I heard it way too many times. Why on earth did they seem to continue to come after me?

There was a lot more of the enemy than I had thought there would be. I already seen "gang" violence from big to small – from the road out of San Francisco where it was anarchy to the farm where the "gang" was cohesive based on a ideology and they day before where the Muslims were a gang based on their religion, but I had never seen it on this scale. They just seemed to keep coming and coming and coming. For every one I shot or … well, let's just say close in fighting suited the shamshir better than the rifle … another one or two would show up.

I fought my way over to the gate where Richards, Montgomery, and a few others were trying to keep the oncoming enemy down to a minimum. "Montgomery! Where are your toys?!" I yelled to be heard over the screaming.

He shook his head. "Thor'll kill me if you get hurt Kid."

"And someone else'll be dead – maybe him, maybe one of the kids, someone – if I choose to sit around and not contribute the way I can." I was pleading with him and with both knew it.

He reluctantly nodded in the direction of a rucksack a few feet away. I picked it up and then took a deep breath. I knew what I was planning bordered on idiocy but the only way to stop the flow was to turn off the faucet. If the faucet wouldn't work then I'd have to turn off the water main. What we were doing now was like bailing out the titanic with a tea cup. We needed to cork the hole.

Rather than go out through the main outer gate I went to the small break in the wall where another piece of their ordinance had gotten closer than was comfortable. Even in all of the chaos I was able to tell that the amount of ordinance had slowed down and begun to come at more regular intervals. It wasn't "shock and awe" anymore but more like going from a string of black cats to a single bottle rocket at a time.

Getting from the wall to the tree line was not easy and took time. I had to belly crawl most of the fifty yards of open ground. Doggone if it didn't remind me of some of the drills Coach would put us through during practice. Most of us learned to wear something with deet in it to keep from getting eat up by chiggers and grass gnats. I didn't much care for those drills then any more than I cared for doing it while I was trying to avoid being shot at. I ate a lot of dirt and grass when I was forced to duck and I'd given a lot for a helmet.

There was several times I could have killed one of the enemy as they pounded past me but my goal wasn't to engage anyone until I absolutely had to. I had to keep my goal in mind though it was hard to resist the temptation and drive that fired me as my adrenaline wound me tighter and tighter.

Finally I made it to the tree line but didn't stand up. I crouched in the bushes trying to get my bearings and see if there was a path that I could follow. That's when I spotted Alfonso. I crawled over to him and was almost too scared to turn him so that I could see him.

We both sighed in relief, " #$% Kid, I thought I was a goner for sure this time." But he sounded funny, like he couldn't get enough air. "Easy Kid, I think … I think … ahhh."

I looked all over but didn't see a chest wound. I carefully lifted his shirt and saw the beginning of a bad bruise but no blood.

"Alfonso, hey man … can you hear me?" I whispered. His eyes were clinched shut, he was obviously in pain. "Look, you're out here in the open. I'm going to carry you over to that clump of bushes. It's going to hurt." One eye cracked open to glare at me and I figured I had just stated the obvious.

When I got him over there and he no longer had the urge to puke I told him, "I have to go. I can't believe these people are still coming. If they came all at once we'd be sunk."

"Couple of headmen fighting and they're telling their troops each to do something different. Too many cooks, not enough pots. Watch 'em and see what I mean. They only have so many guns. They send a group forward and when they fall they have to send men out to get the guns and come back or get the guns before they move forward. Craziest thing I ever saw … and not all the soldiers really want to be here either. They're sending out their dregs first – their cannon fodder – to beat down our people and they're holding back their real soldiers to clean up at some point."

"Where?"

"Kid you can't take them on alone. Let me get my wind back."

"No time. Just point me in the right direction … and where's Barkley, Chuckri, and Thor? I don't want to accidentally blow them up."

"Blow them … ah, you been listening to Montgomery again haven't you?"

"Not his idea this time. I've got a plan but you'll save me some recon time if you'll just stop acting like you need to change my diapers and let me get to work."

His lips thinned and then relaxed and a look of appreciation came into his eyes. "OK Kid. Whatever you're up to, make sure it hurts 'em bad. They are using the clear space that was the highway to run things from. They aren't really letting their guys go off into the tall grass … expect they are afraid of the number of AWOLs they'll get that way. All of their munitions are back from their main line under heavy guard … they don't trust their own people by the looks of things. As far as the rest of them go I don't know, we got separated. Kid …"

"What?"

"Be careful."

I nodded thinking that that wasn't what he was going to say but I didn't have the luxury of teasing it out of him. Having a direction I went parallel to the road as fast as I could. I bypassed the main line and again had to fight temptation not to stop and do something deadly. Not all of them looked Arab and then I was reminded that only twenty percent of the world's muslims from the Middle East. Nearly seventy percent of the world's muslims are from Asia. That would explain why they were having so much trouble working together. I saw small groups of ethnically similar men clustered here and there. None of the groups were "mixed." I figured there was either a language barrier or it went even deeper than that to their very roots of how they practiced Islam. I knew I could use this but how was the question.

I wanted to throw those little exploding golf balls … those V40s … into the groups standing around so bad I could taste it. I wanted to cause mayhem right then and there. I concluded I wasn't a soldier, not a real one, I was just a fighter and it took almost too much energy for me to stay focused on my mission. I wanted to pound on everyone, do some major crunching. It wasn't until I forced myself into football game mode that I gained the best control of my emotions and drive I'd had up to that point.

For some reason I kept thinking of Vika. I knew if I didn't do this thing I planned to do her life, assuming it was left to her, would be a horror. Women under the yoke of Islam suffer terribly compared to the freedom and equality of Christianity. Supposedly the Koran says that a man should take only one wife yet multiple wives as a lifestyle is prevalent in Islam. Muhammad is supposed to have said that the ink of the scholar is more holy than the blood of the martyr yet we see how that works in "modern" Islam, especially as it relates to women. For all that little girl had done to me I couldn't stand the idea of her being further victimized by the enemy I was facing this time.

Now it wasn't just about plugging the hole, it was cutting the head off the monster. I was hoping that if I could destroy the leadership whatever stability and truce the groups had reached would fall apart making them easier to pick off or even better, would make them fall back into the constant in-fighting so that they would eventually destroy themselves. It was going to have to be a surgical strike and I wasn't really built for it. I needed a quarterback's strategic skill and agile body and all I had were my oversized body parts and a desire to end this nightmare as quickly as possible.

I worked my way back and finally found their munitions dump … and nearly lost my lunch at the same time. God must have been with me because there was no time to think, no time to ready myself, plan … nothing.

Thor, Chuckri, and Barkley had obviously been in a brawl and were surrounding by fairly self important looking men. They were about to be beheaded. My breath left my body and I got cold and then hot as a furnace. I was no longer in control of my body, no longer calling the shots. I barely had time to set myself but it didn't seem I needed to.

They had forced my love and the other two men into kneeling positions side by side and they had tied them up and put sacks over their heads. I couldn't hope that they would know what was coming and lend some help. Three traditionally dressed executioners were lined up behind them. It looked like some weird tableau from a museum of ancient history.

I grabbed all the V40s out of the rucksack that my hand would hold while I was taking off. As I all but flew out into the open area I flicked my wrist in the direction of the munitions dump, not even bothering to aim. God must have had angels guiding them along. I gave a screaming yell that said nothing yet made plain my rage.

At the same moment I hit the first sword-wielding executioner the V40s went off. My momentum carried me and the first man I'd hit into the second one but it was the blasts from the exploding munitions dump that pushed me into the third executioner and the two men on the other side of him. Shrapnel exploded out and cut almost everyone that had been left standing off at the knees in a full 360 degrees. My ears rang and even my eyes hurt from the percussion but I didn't stop. The squiggling mass under me was still moving and I was bound and determined to stop that in a very permanent way … and I did and in a way I prefer to leave between God and I.

I turned to find all three men struggling with their bindings. The first one I could reach was Barkley and he nearly broken my nose before I could convince him it was me and to let me help him. He was in the best shape and then started helping Chuckri.

I reached Thor who was barely moving though it appeared he was trying. I touched him and he jumped. "Easy Big Boy. Just me."

He gasped and then wheezed, "Ro …. chelle?" The weakness of his voice had my heart stuttering.

"Yeah. Let me …"

He coughed behind the sack, "Go. They'll regroup. You … you need to get out of here."

"I'm going, and the three of you are coming with me." I was finally able to the bag from off of his face. They'd practically strangled him with the cord that had kept it in place. One eye was completely swollen shut, his nose was obviously broken, there was blood coming from the ear on that side as well, and his face was an awful shade from the near strangulation.

He grunted and his one good eye widened. I turned and brought up my rifle and fired on the four men that had tried to come at us. There were small explosions still occurring and there was a lot of screaming and crying going on within the blast zone, there was also a significant amount of silence from some of the bodies.

"Can you two carry Thor between you?" I asked Chuckri and Barkley.

They looked like they wanted to say yes but had to honestly answer no by shaking their heads. I sighed, "OK, you've already grabbed weapons. If you have a plan better than this one sing out. I'll help Thor, you two act guard … just don't get in front of me because if I have to shoot my aim isn't going to be as good one handed. Alfonso … alive by the way … is guarding some cover. Anyone seen Hal?"

Chuckri nodded and said, "He went down."

Barkley asked, "What then?" He was asking what my ultimate game plan was.

"I've still got the rucksack. There isn't a whole lot left in it but from the look of things there isn't anything left in their munitions pile." I steadied Thor, trying to ignore the fact that I knew I was hurting him. His leg was injured as well but he was still trying not to put his full weight on me. As we went into the tall grass I lowered my voice. "There is no way anyone missed that explosion. It is going to cause some confusion, for our side as well as they try and work out what has happened. I get you guys into a position you can defend and then I see if there are any heads left on the Hydra."

They would have objected but we had to stop and duck behind a thicket of small blackjack oaks. What I observed made me smile, but not in a nice way. I was right. With the right push the enemy groups had started to fight against themselves. I hadn't expected it to happen so quickly so there must have been some pretty significant pre-existing problems.

I would have let both groups fight it out and let the winner run away but as soon as one group had killed the ones in the other and were making their getaway I felt Thor's hand on the one that held my rifle. It hadn't been on safety since I left the wall so it didn't take much push for the combined pressure of Thor's finger and mine on the trigger to burn the escaping enemy.

I looked at him and he mumbled, "No mercy. No survivors to try another day."

I nodded and then we continued. The line of men that I had passed through was still there but it was much thinner and less organized. The enemy's own leaders were screaming and carrying on something terrible. They were trying to whip their men into a frenzy but I noted it was having the opposite effect. They looked more desperate than determined.

Giving Thor my rifle to hold one handed while he balanced himself with the other by leaning on me I pulled three more of the V40s out of the rucksack. We walked through the line, hidden by the commotion and the bushes and tall grasses and trees. But as we got to an open area I flicked the three little balls. The first one I threw. The second one I flicked pretty hard. The third one I tossed only far enough so that we didn't get caught in the blast radius. They went off at different points along the line so that no one could tell where they came from. I felt a slight push from behind as the force reached out and touched us.

That was it, the line broke but not everyone turned tail and ran. What they did do was start shooting every which direction in panic and began shooting their own. The more this happened the more that began to participate in senseless "friendly fire." We left the worst of the chaos and I finally found Alfonso after nearly panicking myself when I couldn't locate where I'd left him.

I turned to leave and Thor tried to stop me. "No."

"Thor," I said suddenly near tears. "Do you think I want to go now that I've found you? I didn't even know you were there! And now I'm going to have to go out there and flush some of those men this way and I don't like it. I have to trust that despite your injuries you can do what you have to do. And what if I'm wrong?!"

Chuckri said, "You're not." When Thor threw a look at him he said, "You know she's not. This is the same stunt we pulled during that ground engagement outside of Fallujah."

Thor took the rifle that was passed to him but he didn't look happy. "Come back soonest," was all he said through clinched teeth. I nodded and then went out into the woods praying that God would guide my feet and put a hedge of protection around the men. The big action was over with, we'd cut down the enemy's numbers and destroyed the resupply for their weapons during this engagement. Now we had to continuing trimming the hedges so that this didn't turn into a true siege and give them time to regroup as Thor had warned.

No longer did I pass by the enemy. If one came within my range I did what damage I could, preferably of the permanent kind but I know that wasn't always the case. I found the shamshir I had dropped at some point in the fighting and did as much damage with it as I had before. With my rifle I would shoot into a group and they would run in the opposite direction … and right into the men's fire. Not all of them ran that direction but enough of them did.

The action was intense and insane. I turned to burn another few rounds and had to pull up. It was Mr. Rhodes with a group of men. They had been headed in Thor's direction.

"Don't go there … you wouldn't like it." The sounds of gunfire and screaming was heard from that direction and then silence.

Mr. Rhodes turned his head and looked at me and with a very dry voice said, "Do tell."

I don't know how much longer it was … how much ammo was fired, how much blood was spilled, how many men met their maker and had their Judgment … but eventually the only sound left in the woods was that of the dying.

The time after a battle ends isn't mundane but it doesn't take pages to write either. Richards and some medics from Olive Branch rounded up all the wounded from our side including our men. Those of us still mobile walked the woods and dispatched any enemy that still had life left. Am I proud of that? No. But it was war … and war that I felt was ultimately for the souls of men. So it wasn't pride I felt but I felt honor … that I'd been allowed to be part of protecting innocent people from the tyranny of mad men because what else do you call people who would create and fill those stoning fields? That I was alive and able to fight another day if that was what I was called on to do. That God had blessed me by letting me be the one that had been there when Thor needed me like he had been there for me so many times.

So I decided I could live with what I had done, not because I was proud of it but because it was a duty that I had been called upon to perform. The only time my stomach got queasy was when Hal, who had taken a bad gash to the head when Chuckri had been taken and was found insensible nearly two hours after the battle passed out from blood loss, told me that the he'd heard from the Olive Branch people in their observation posts. The section of Cape Girardeau that had been the enemy's stronghold was on fire and it looked like it might spread to the rest of the city, pushing the residents further and further west in front of the firestorm. I thought of the innocent women and children that had already suffered so much under the despotic rule of men. Then I thought of the story of God's commandment to Joshua regarding Canaan. I wasn't Joshua but I believed in God's Judgment, in the fact that He created us so He could do to us as He pleased, so maybe that was where I would have to leave it.

Hal said, "Civil war or attack by the people they'd been terrorizing … who knows? Either way they did for themselves when they decided to try and throw so much at us at the same time. Most likely underestimated the troubles coming at 'em from behind." His niece and nephew slept close by and I thought it was pretty significant that Markrid was paying particular attention to them … and Hal … and had her little baby's basket nestled there as well.

As bad as our enemy had suffered we didn't escape scot-free though it was light in comparison. One piece of ordinance came down inside the Olive Branch compound and two men were killed as a result. They lost another in the forest when he lost his head with battle fever and ran full tilt into a heavily armed group of the enemy. We were blessed that those were the only deaths but there were a lot of injuries.

I don't know how many the Olive Branch people suffered. Just because we'd just fought a battle together hadn't suddenly opened their borders to us, I do know that they had several injuries that they worried would turn into fatalities without God's Grace. For our group Thor and Hal were the worst and of the two it was Thor that worried everyone most. Alfonso was recovering quickly though he didn't move quickly at all.

Thor's kidneys had been bruised and he had blood in his urine though that had started to clear up by the next morning. He also had a couple of cracked or broken ribs and significant surface bruising all over his body. The broken nose was painful as was the eye. But it was the fever that he started to develop that really was cause for concern and what kept me from being able to breathe any sigh of relief. For me, the end of this battle would be determined by Thor's battle with the infection that seemed to be setting in to wage war in his body.


	49. Chapter 49

_**Chapter 49**_

Nothing was working and Thor was becoming more and more lethargic. Richards didn't say anything but I could tell that he and Elsapet were both worried. What I didn't know until I fussed was that Thor was allergic to all of the cillin type antibiotics and also couldn't take tetracycline or sulfa meds. Had I had any of that stuff and had given it to him I could have killed him without meaning to. Why didn't he tell me?

Instead I took my frustration out on Richards like a lot of people do to the health care helper. "Then why don't you try other stuff?" I asked him.

"That's it Rocky, that's all we have and it's stuff that will hurt him worse than the infection will," Richards said.

"Not pills!" I yelled.

Elsapet tried to calm me, "Rocky, you are tired, you have not slept since the battle. You …"

"Yeah … me … I mean like me …" I stopped frustrated that my frustration was making me sound just north of crazy. I took a deep breath. "Look, when I was little my body kept changing so fast that it either didn't recognize the amount of any medicine they gave me or I reacted badly to it. And I was sick a lot when I was little …"

I heard Alfonso mutter sotto voice, "You were little?"

I turned and he knew he'd stepped just a little too far over the line. "Yes I was little … maybe not what you think of as little but I was smaller. I didn't pop out the size of the flaming Jolly Green Giant," I snapped. I turned back towards Richards. "The doctors didn't know what to do for me. I'd get sick, because I was 'special' they'd put me in the hospital, they'd pump me full of medication that might or might not work and sometimes I got well, sometimes I got worse, and sometimes they'd send me home still sick expecting me to die. My mother and grandmothers started ignoring most of the doctors except for a couple of them, one of the researchers, and this old army nurse because they treated us GWBs like real people instead of test subjects and guinea pigs, things to be studied. After all, if the ones in charge of my treatment plan were just going to send me home to suffer or die then there was nothing to lose. Actually what my family did for me, in the long run wound up helping some of the other GWBs too."

"Rocky, I'm still not understanding," Elsapet said but Richards had a suddenly intent look on his face.

"OK Kid, you tell me, what backwoods folk remedies are we talking here?"

"Well don't make it sound like I'm about to tell you to carry a buckeye in your pocket to ward off rheumatism. I'm talking about real medicinals. Garlic, goldenseal, Oregon grape, black walnut, plantain, barberry – that's internal stuff. External stuff for infections is tea tree oil, lemon, lavender, chamomile, thyme, myrrh, cloves – but some of that stuff can be strong so it has to be diluted."

"Rocky … Kid … I don't have any of that stuff and I don't think there is a working herbalist around here."

I turned away frustrated then was struck by something I remembered and turned back. I bent down and not knowing whether he could hear me or not said, "Thor, I'm not running away or leaving you. I have to go do something but I'll be back. I promise. Just hold on."

I grabbed my back and dug out some Ziploc bags I had in there.

"Rocky?" It was Pilbos and Grandmother Chuckri was with him.

"What?"

"Grandmother says that if you can find what you are looking for she'll have a pot of water boiling when you get back.

I stopped, looked at him in gratitude and asked Pilbos, "How do you say thank you in Armenian. I want to tell her."

"You already did. She understands English; she just doesn't speak it very well because she's missing half her dentures."

I nodded to them both and then took off at a jog. It seems that God had a purpose for making me belly crawl to the tree line. There's nothing like getting up close and personal to the ground with your nose. I remember smelling the distinct odor of garlic … wild garlic. Now I just needed to find it again.

Thirty minutes passed before I was able to find a patch of it. I'm sure people must have thought I was crazy sniffing around the ground like a blood hound but the smell from the battle kept wafting in my way. When I did find it I fell on it like I'd found gold and carefully dug up what turned out to be a good sized patch. It wasn't in prime condition … wild garlic is best picked in the summer and fall … but it wasn't too dry either.

As I was coming back in I was met by a couple of women from Olive Branch. The older of the two said, "My man said you were out here foraging for something."

"Yes ma'am but I need to …"

"Lands, is that … is that wild garlic?" she asked cutting me off when she saw what I had.

"Yes ma'am but I need to …"

"Is there more of it?"

"Yes ma'am, but please I need to …"

"Well, then don't just stand there lollygagging girl, go do what you need to but I want to talk to you when you're finished."

Oh brother, she reminded me of one of the ladies at church that used to hold you talking your ear off, never letting you get a word in edgewise and then fussed when you were late getting somewhere like it was your fault she'd held you up. I ran inside and with the help of the Chuckri women we had the garlic washed and simmering for broth.

I explained to Richards while other people listened. "Everybody knows you can't eat solids with a fever so the broth will be perfect. If he can drink this down – and I'll feed it to him through a straw if I have to – then with the next batch I should have some wild greens to cook with the garlic. Greens and garlic makes some of the best broth for people who are sick and need to build their system back up. It has antiseptic properties that give a similar result to antibiotics only with less immediate results. And I know where to look for the goldenseal since I'm pretty sure that Oregon Grape doesn't grow around here."

After I fed a reluctant Thor a cup of the broth and made sure he got down more water as well I left to go "hunting" again. Foraging takes a lot of work and time. At home I already knew where different types of wild foods and medicinals were to be found - the women in my family had been cultivating some of those plots for over a century – but Illinois might as well have been the moon for all I knew about it. On the other hand I did know the normal type of habitats of the plants I was looking for.

As I left the gate that was in the process of being repaired - Uncle Bedros, Ludvig, and Tovmas were helping with that task – I was again followed by the two women from before only two others had joined them. One of the newcomers asked, "What are you looking for?"

I was close to getting upset but tried to be polite and said, "Goldenseal."

"I saw some over behind the compound. Come on and I'll show you."

I was flabbergasted. She looked at my face and then laughed. "I used to be really into the all natural food plan … real paleo woman going the all hunter gatherer route. I haven't had as much time for it the last couple of months but that doesn't mean I've lost the habit. What else do you need? I've got some dried calendula, chamomile, lavender … I'm assuming it is for your man?"

"Yes!" and then she and I started talking with the other three women watching what we gathered, how, and then asking what it was good for.

The goldenseal was a little trampled but since it was the rhizome I was after that didn't matter too much. I only took a little because it was kind of an endangered plant plus I knew that my mother had a patch of it marked off in the woods at home.

I traded the fresh rhizomes to the woman whose name was … and I cannot believe that her parents would have cursed her like this … Stormy Day. "If you think that's bad then you'll cry for me when you find out my middle name is Wendy." She smiled and I couldn't help but laugh a little with her rather than at her.

It took two days … two days of combined efforts of the garlic and goldenseal as the primary antiseptics plus whatever else I could … quite literally … dig up. I also wound up giving him some blackberry tea when the effects of the fever and some of the other remedies turned his guts to water.

"No … more." I'm sure he felt like he was sloshing around with all the broth and teas I was all but force feeding to him.

"Thor, I know you are hurting. I know you don't like feeling out of control of the situation. I know lots of things because I'd feel the exact same way in your shoes and have felt the exact same way as you are feeling and it really bites boogers. But if you don't drink this broth right now I will sit on you, hold your nose until you are forced to open your mouth to breathe and then pour it down your throat with a funnel."

Richards who was standing nearby said, "Uh, Rocky, not the best idea to threaten a man who will get better and may one day have you at his mercy."

"Fine. If that's the price then I'll pay it and willingly. It's not like he gave me a lot of choice when I had that fever before."

Thor grumbled tiredly, "So this is pay back?"

"No you thick headed Neanderthal. This is me loving you enough to do what is going to keep you in this world, get you back on your feet soonest, so that you can then turn around and pitch your fit or whatever it is you want to do to exact your revenge on me. So too bad. I want you to live and get better and until your big bad self is able to get up and chase me around you are stuck with it."

A tired snort and chuckle short circuited my righteous indignation. "OK, just wanted to clarify." Thor was tired and still far from well but he was still Thor and I nearly broke down in tears of relief. That isn't to say I didn't have to do everything, up to and including bribery and trickery, to get him to … er … take his medicine.

And I was exhausted and cranky and didn't always do the best I could have not to take it out on the people around me. I began to be able to manage a few hours of sleep here and there. It was eight days after the battle and we told the Olive Branch thank you for their hospitality and we did a final clean up of the area that we had been staying in.

Abe Rhodes said, "Personally I hate to see ya go. But … I can see where having your own plot of land is a thing to be envied." He looked melancholy for a moment. "Missing mine and don't know … well, hopefully this winter will calm things down a might and then I'll see come spring. Springs a good time for new beginnings anyway."

Thor was still too weak to ride. The fever and infection seemed to have eaten him hollow. But I couldn't see him riding in the elder wagon either. The man's pride was already pinching so I tried to help him thereby helping us at the same time.

As soon as I knew Thor was going to be OK I joined a salvage team that was going back into Cape Girardeau. I actually found everything I needed in one place. It seems that while our enemies may very well have been our enemies some of them were extremely clever and mechanically inclined. They had turned a car and RV lot into a chop shop and were converting truck beds into horse drawn trailers.

No completed rigs remained. I assume that the survivors of the great fire or even other people from the city must have already salvaged them had they existed; but, there were parts. It took me three trips but I managed to bring everything back to Olive Branch that I needed to make a redneck trailer. Lucky for me since I was limited in time and expertise the front part … the horse drawing part … of a couple of models were already together. I took one and the Olive Branch compound took the rest. Then they had truck bed trailers already fabricated and I picked a light weight one with tires that were still in pretty good shape. I also took some cans of tire fix, a jack, and a spare.

The problem was anyway I looked at it, trying to refabricate the wagon so that it would could be bolted to the front half – the horse drawing half – was going to take a lot of work. Thor saved the day on that one.

"Hon, you're making this too hard and too much work. Were there any fifth wheel attachments at that place you found the rest of this?"

"Fifth wheel … oh, you mean a hitch jaw? The thing a fifth wheel is attached to in the back of a pick up?"

"Yeah."

"The place had all the stuff in the back. There might be one in stock."

"OK, if you can find one make it one of the lightest they have, some of those things are heavy. You'll need the bolts for it to bolt it down with … and … let's see … you'll need a heavy duty metal punch and a good sledge hammer. Since we don't have a metal drill we'll have to punch through there," he pointed to the location he wanted it. "And then set the hitch and bolt it down. Then you'll be able to attach the trailer …"

"Oh wait, I see it. Sort of like a tractor trailer set up. That'll give me a smaller turn circumference too that should help on any switch backs."

"Switch backs?"

"Yeah. We need to sit down and go over our route options. I really, really wanted to take the AT to get home and bypass as much civilization as we can but I'm not sure what shape it will be in and I don't want to give up the horses."

He nodded. "We'll worry about that when we get closer."

"But …"

"Rochelle, let's just get out of here and through Cairo first."

And that reminded me that we weren't much closer to our destination than we had been nearly two weeks ago. Pretty depressing. And at this rate cool weather would be setting in before we reached Fairview and it would be plain awful before we would reach my home … our home … the home I intended on sharing with Thor forever and ever.

"Stop worrying it to death Hon. I know you want to get home but we can only go so fast."

I dropped to my knees beside him where he sat on a blanket soaking up some Vitamin D. "It's not so much that I'm anxious … OK, maybe a little bit but that's because I want to know what we have to work with … as I am to show you our home and get things weatherized before cold temps set in. The kind of travelling we are doing will be miserable in winter, if doable at all."

"Our home?" He emphasized the word our in a funny way that made me take notice.

"Yeah," I said quietly looking at him. "You said … you said that … Thor? Are you … um … having second thoughts or something?"

He chuckled and shook his head. "No Hon."

"Then … do you not want to live on the farm together?" I asked still confused.

"Rochelle you said 'our home' like … like … I'm not sure what to call it."

"Oh." I said still a little confused then a light bulb went on. "Oh! This is one of those guy things. OK, how's this. I was the only child … and a girl child at that … of the only son that inherited the family farm and land. I never was much of a city girl … you can imagine how well I would fit it … and had never really thought to live any place else except my parents were going to make me go someplace for college to 'experience the world and make sure what I wanted.'"

"Sounds like a quote."

"Yeah, and a few fights we had about it too. I had a couple of online universities that I preferred but Dad and Mom … I guess it doesn't matter now. But either way I had always meant to live on the land and farm even if it was just a subsistence kind of life."

He said, "Rochelle I already said I'd follow you to your home."

"Not my home goof, our home … ours … together. See I'm not the first generation where there was only a girl to inherit. It hasn't happened since the War Between the States when a Charbonneau married into the family but it had happened a couple of times before that. The farm was like … I don't know … the daughter's dowry. You understand what I'm trying to say? It's what she brought to the marriage to make her a desirable partner."

"Hey you … you're a desirable partner even without a plot of land."

I smiled and kissed him and wondered just how surprised he was going to be when he found out that the farm only made up a portion of the family land. We had a bunch of woods that backed right up to the national forest and ran from the top of the peak all the way down to where the Division of Forestry had their land. Most of the high ground wasn't farmable though we did harvest things from it, but it was the eighty acre farm area that was our bread and butter. The farm land had originally covered more of our acreage but times and necessity had shrunk the cultivated area quite a bit.

"Glad you think so," I told him. "But do you see? I never meant for the farm to be mine. I always had a dream of someday finding … I mean, I don't know if I ever really believed that I would find someone … but it was a secret dream that one day the farm and land would be an 'ours' kind of place. I mean … are you OK with that?"

"You are honestly trying to turn me of all people into some kind of gentleman farmer?" He was playing with me and I knew it would all turn out OK.

"Who said anything about being a gentleman? If you don't stop that foul mouth you'll make the cows blush."

"Blushing cows. That tempts me just enough that I've definitely got to see this place now."

And that's all how come the day to leave Thor was riding in semi comfort, even if not particularly happy with it, in a fifth wheel wagon while I drove it with my horse and Thor's tied to the back. I had tried to pull the wagon tandem with both of them but Thor's horse completely objected and there wasn't time to train him to pull.

We had said our goodbyes the previous night in a bit of a hoe down party atmosphere arranged by Mr. Rhodes so it was a very quiet departure with few attending. Mr. Rhodes did show up to wave us off and I wondered if we would ever see or hear from him again. Uncle Bedros had taken a liking to him and had given him directions should he ever get out that way and Mr. Rhodes got a look in his eye like maybe he had a wandering itch that he wanted to scratch someday soon.

It was strange to be on the road again. We weren't going far, not even fourteen miles; just to Cairo Junction but when we got there and found that the place had been all but razed to the ground in a fire that looked like it had happened the same time as the Cape Girardeau one had we were forced to keep going .

The next town was Future City and it, if anything, was worse that Cairo Junction but it was when we came to Cairo proper that we began to worry. The kind of firestorm that occurred to have done so much damage, including melting and twisted the road bed, had to have been huge. The damage in Cairo looked like it had been before the Cape Girardeau blaze, maybe months before. Cairo was like a ghost town on Mars … eerie, monochrome, and air so still you couldn't think because it was too quiet.

Hal kept looking around, "I … I don't understand. They kept saying that their leadership was here … in Cairo. That they had hundreds of followers spreading out from here conquering the new American wasteland. Our people … they swore they saw thousands of people over here. Guns, bombs, that there was no way we could win if we fought them. If … if I had known … I would have taken the kids weeks … months ago … I …"

Surprisingly it was Vika that answered him. "People lie Mr. Hal. People lie. Even people you are supposed to be able to trust, that are supposed to care about you. They fool you and … and sometimes you do things just because they said so and then … you don't know how you ever could listen to them in the first place."

Poor Vika. Barely nine and already sounding like someone that had seen a lifetime of pain; grown before she had any business being that way.

It was getting later and I saw that Thor was getting tense on top of tired. And all of the animals were getting tired and snappish. Everyone was beginning to get stressed out. There was no place to stop, no fresh water beyond what we had in the barrels, no grass for the animals. It was a barren wasteland of twisted melted, fallen concrete, and broken glass.

Barkley said to me, "Don't feel so bad Kid. Cairo has been going this way since I was a kid. It's an old town that wasn't kept up. The state politics all but destroyed Chicago and they tried to take the rest of the state with them. There's sections here untouched by the fire but you wouldn't know it because they were already in such bad shape to begin with. A shame about some of them old Victorians that had been kept up though … and the Custom House too."

But when we got to the bridge, the only one that crosses the Ohio River at this place, that I knew we wouldn't be leaving the area on that day.


	50. Chapter 50

_**Chapter 50**_

It was a disappointing end to a long day but we had no choice. Barkley suggested trying to overnight at the Fort Defiance park. While we looked around trying to figure out the best defensive location to set up Barkley said, "This used to be a pretty state park and then it was transferred to the city of Cairo. You can guess what happened to it then. And the floods that came through afterwards just finished the demise of the place. Hopefully these bushes will hide any fire we make but I hope the women can finish up and get them out quickly. Being right here on the peninsula, a light would be as good as a beacon and bring attention, something we don't need on top of everything else."

As I unpacked and set up camp I resentfully looked in the direction of the object that had brought us to another standstill. Lately it seemed for every step forward we took, somewhere we were sure to slide back a few more. The bridge wasn't destroyed though I guess for some it would sure seem to be just as out of reach. It was still there, and in fairly good condition I suppose as such things went, but it was wall to wall, end to end cars and trucks. The only traffic the bridge had seen since the EMP had shut everything down was foot traffic. From the looks of things it would have been easier to walk on the cars than around them. And from what little we could see in the rapidly fading light a large number of people had been fleeing Illinois for some reason; all lanes on the bridge were outbound traffic from Cairo, none at all coming in.

Even with very few major pile ups on the spans there was no way to clear a lane in a single day, it just wasn't happening. There was some debate about whether to head out to the next closet bridge but since there was no guarantee that we'd find anything different there, and it would require more time to re-route, we decided to give it a try at this location first. It couldn't have happened at a less convenient time for us as a group; we were down a significant amount of manpower even with Hal being added to our number.

We slept that night despite the bug population making its best attempt yet to keep us from it. The kids were really cranky at breakfast the next day which eventually made most of the women grouchy. It was with no small amount of relief that I personally got to escape and go work on moving cars. I'll be honest, I have always liked kids but I'm no saint and some of them were twanging my last nerve. Had I been forced to stay and "help the women" I would have probably wound up scaring the kids just to get them to knock it off.

On the other hand I had my own unfair share of crankiness to deal with. Montgomery and Thor insisted on coming to "help" those of us that were trying to clear the cars and, as my grandmother would have said, it gave me the palpitations. It didn't take me long though to get so busy I ignored them being under foot … because they weren't under my feet. Bless Uncle Bedros for knowing how to handle them without hurting their pride.

We pretty much developed our strategy as we went because any kind of organization had to be changed as we ran into unique problem after unique problem. Right from the beginning it was easier for Pilbos and I to team up by ourselves. We had the same reach and spoke the same language as far as strategy went and the strength of one didn't overshadow the strength of the other. The primary advantage I had was all of the practice from months earlier but Pilbos caught on quickly.

At first I was concerned about dumping all of those cars into the Mississippi, thinking about all the problems we could be causing farmers up and down the river. However as we checked, all of the fluids had already been drained from most of them, I supposed to fuel the few motorized vehicles and equipment that remained. Either way, if we didn't have to dump them, we didn't.

"Oh man!" I said, suddenly remembering.

"What?" Pilbos asked, concerned that something was wrong.

"Sorry. Just thinking that I hope all that wood Dad and I cut and split in the spring to season is still there. Our chainsaws are gas operated. We heat with wood and I can tell you there wasn't enough for that. We had a couple of trees that were growing too close to the road and we had girdled them … but … but we didn't get around to them." I stopped to give my chest time to stop hurting from the memories. "If I have to start cooking with it too … ugh … I don't wanna have to go back to doing everything by hand," I sighed. "Honestly, wood for the smokehouse, wood for the cook stove, wood for heating, wood for wash water, wood for … Well, I'm just not going to like it at all."

"Yeah, you ain't kidding," he grunted as we lifted a car so we could unhook it from the bumper of another. "Lud and Uncle Bedros are trying to figure out how to fabricate a plow. Who could actually fit behind the wheel of one of these stupid little mini coopers?"

"Oh, that should be pretty easy … relatively speaking."

"What? You could fit in one of these?!" he laughed.

"Not the car you knot head, fabricating a plow," I told him in exasperation.

"Oh really?" he asked sarcastically.

"Sure. Talk to Alfonso about a steam powdered tractor," I said shrugging.

He looked at me and a smile split his face. "Hang on a sec." He ran off, said something to his uncle and then jogged back. "You sure you and Thor don't want to hang with us?"

Since Pilbos and I had discussed this several times before I treated his question as a rhetorical one and we got back to work. We were clearing two lanes on one span to give us plenty of room to maneuver wagons, animals, and people across the bridge safely. Pilbos and I were working the outside lane because sometimes there just wasn't any choice but to send a car over the side. It was like trying to undo a jigsaw puzzle forced together the wrong way. One of the few bright spots was that traffic had been so thick that major pile ups were rare; it was more thick than truly snarled.

Our preferred method of clearing the lane was to put the vehicle in neutral and simply pull it backwards off the bridge and then leave it for a group of the younger teens to put it into a makeshift parking lot we were creating. There the women and children would go over them with a fine tooth comb and salvage anything practical for our purpose. There wasn't much but every little bit helped and that night around the fire Alfonso outlined an idea that was met with universal approval.

Alfonso was one of those naturally mechanically inclined individuals. When he was younger he and his friends were the type of mech geeks that spent their spare time building full sized catapults, jet propelled dragsters, and flame throwing robots. In other words, so nerdy they were cool when what they built actually worked and the VFD didn't get called out on them. His idea, after seeing how vulnerable the animals and the younger children were that took care of them, was to build weapons that the children could handle with practice.

I enjoyed bow hunting with my dad. I had always used a man's bow and at first doubted Alfonso's idea but when he demonstration a mock up of the cross bow he designed from some of the leaf springs from the smaller cars I became more convinced, and I wasn't the only one. The next day Alfonso spent the day dismantling some of the cars for parts.

It took four days to clear the bridge and the on ramps on both sides enough that we could maneuver across safely. Well, actually it took three and a half but Uncle Bedros convinced everyone that some time for rest and meditation was necessary and I can tell you Pilbos and I weren't exactly complaining about a little rest. Uncle B wanted another full day but with all of the delays we had experienced we simply could not afford it. Thor was particularly cranky and I had a hard time not being cranky right back at him.

You know, Mom had warned me time and again that men just aren't built to withstand being ill the way women are. They really don't tolerate it at all. Women have their monthlies that teach them all about that sort of thing early on. Then we are the ones that get to have the babies and from what Mom told me that is quite a few months of discomfort that takes one form or another; let's not even talk about birth and all the stuff that comes after it. I mean, if there wasn't all that emotional stuff to balance it I can tell you most women would just say no thank you, uh uh. And then when women are through with their monthlies they go through menopause and that seems to me to be an unnecessary curse on top of a curse. One of the ladies at our church said that it happens when it happens so that we were tested and tried and come out the other side strong enough to put up with our men when they go through the joys of retirement 'cause otherwise there might just be a lot of death and mayhem.

Either way, all I can say for sure is that Thor may have been good at a lot of stuff but being sick wasn't one of them. By the time we were getting on the road he was getting better but he was so heck bent on proving he was getting better than he did himself more harm than good. Didn't make much sense to me though I wasn't going to complain about it too much as I thought that might come real close to the pot calling the kettle black.

We didn't go far that day, stopping as soon as we found a place to camp in Wickliffe, Kentucky. There was a very small contingent of people outside of the town and they couldn't believe that we'd come across the bridge. That night I just had to shake my head over it.

"Thor, you'd think that someone living this close would have gotten up the gumption to do what we did months ago. I just don't get it."

Thor, who seemed to be in a little better mood … maybe because I wasn't too tired for some cuddle time … said, "Hon, it takes all kinds to make the world go round, but it takes leadership to get it spinning in the right direction. If all the leadership left or was killed off in this area then all you are going to have is a bunch of sheep waiting for someone to tell them what to do."

"But how have they lived this long then? No one that I've met yet has had it easy."

He shrugged. "Luck? Instinct? Maybe a little bit of criminal element thrown in there? Who knows? Think of it like the story of the ant and the grasshopper. The ant was a forward thinker, the grasshopper could only live in the here and now. Come winter, a lot of groups like this who have been living off salvage or waiting around for someone to fix things so their lives can get back to normal are going to be in for a real surprise."

I sighed, "And not a very nice one either." I just couldn't believe how blind the average human seemed to be. "I just don't get it. I got over my adjustment reaction weeks … months … ago. I mean I still go through them but I'm a heck of a lot further down that stream of consciousness than a lot of people seem to be. I don't consider myself necessarily any stronger than the average person is capable of being. Seriously, don't laugh," I told Thor as he made a rather rude snort. "I've given this some thought over the years."

"Yeah, you're ancient all right."

"Don't go there Thor. You know it'll just give you indigestion. Besides, I'm serious. I have thought about it. None of us GWBs were the same physically. I've already told you that. Well, not all of us were the same economically, spiritually, worldview … anything … we were just all different the same as the rest of the population. Being a GWB did affect us and affect our outlook but it didn't exempt us from the influences in our families and the world, the same as normal kids."

"You are normal."

I sighed, "I know, but I'm no surer exactly what kind of normal I am than other people were … are. Maybe I am nothing more than the exception that proves the rule. Anyway … stop distracting me. And button your shirt."

"But it's hot," he mock complained.

"Thor, will you for once just let me be serious about this instead of trying to tease me out of a depression I'm not in? I accepted what I was a long time ago … I wish you would accept that and not feel like you have to defend me all the time."

Thor sat up, still not as strong as he normally was but with the bruising only making his body look even more defined and I said a quick prayer that God would give me some kind of answer soon or I was really worried that I would fall to a temptation that might lead to trouble for both of us down the road. "Rochelle … Hon … asking me not to protect you is like asking me to stop breathing. However, I suppose … if you trust me enough to talk to me about this then …"

I could see he was struggling to find the right words. "Tell you what … you want to protect me from other people you go right on ahead so long as I get to do it for you too. But you don't need to protect me from myself. I got over that problem about the time my dad threatened to take football away from me if I couldn't stand up to peer pressure. But I need someone to talk to and I want it to be you. And to be able to talk to you about personal stuff I have to be honest about who … and what … I am. You don't need to protect me from the truth because that is what is supposed to set you free."

He nodded and I figured that was as close to an answer as I was going to get so I continued on as I had before.

"So look, being a GWB doesn't make me special. It makes me different from the norm but it's not like some get out of jail free card on the game board of life."

"Aren't you mixing your metaphors?" Thor asked with a twinkle.

I rolled my eyes and said, "Maybe. But that doesn't change it from being a fact. As much as the GWB affected me, it didn't make me what I am today … didn't make me who I am today … because at some point I chose not to let it define me. It is part of the big picture but it isn't everything. I'm my parents' daughter and always will be even though they aren't … aren't around anymore. I'm the girl that beat the odds and went to the championships with some podunk little team from the backside of nowhere. Part of me will always be that little girl that went down the aisle at the tent revival with my daddy holding my hand ready to tell the world that I wanted Jesus in my heart forever. And now, I'm … I'm Thor's woman I guess."

"No guessing. You are."

I smiled a little bit at how fierce about it he was. "OK, it appears we both agree on that." I bent over and brushed the tangle of hair out of his eyes; he was needing another trim. Then I sat back and said, "If we've established that mostly I am what I've chosen to be then how come other people … or at least more people than what I've seen … haven't chosen to be … I don't know … less … less grasshoppery."

Thor laughed out loud. "Grasshoppery?"

"Shhhh. You're gonna have people lookin'."

"Then let 'em. We aren't doing anything but talking. Besides, I like that word." He laid back down and threaded his fingers together behind his head. "Something Bedros said might be the answer to your question."

"Uncle Bedros again?"

"Yeah. Something tells me that man is trying to work on this heathen."

"Well then I hope you let him."

Suddenly serious Thor asks, "Trying to change me?"

"Not particularly. I love you the way you are. I just wish …"

"Wish what?" he asked warily.

"I want for you the kind of … peace … about things that I have. I love you enough to want that for you with all my heart. But it isn't something that can be forced on a person. I just don't know if I've got what it takes to … to show you … I don't know …" I stopped, worried that I was going to send him running in the opposite direction.

With his elbow he patted my ball of stuff that I used as a pillow. "Lay down, you're tired the same as everyone else. Let me tell you what Bedros said."

I laid down thinking he had simply chosen to ignore what I had said. When I eased back down he said, "Tomorrow you need to help me get the last of that tape off. I'll probably scream like a little girl when you tear my chest hair out but I can't stand the itching no more. If I had wanted a wax job I would have …" He stopped abruptly which made me suspicious.

"Would have what? And why on earth would you get a … a wax job? I know some athletes get them for aerodynamics but … uh … exactly where …"

"Never … mind. And don't go bringing it up again 'cause it isn't something you need to hear about. And no, don't go asking the guys either because that particular bit of foolishness happened one time when I was on leave … and if you do … I'll …"

I started to laugh. He growled a bit and asked, "You want to hear what Bedros said or not?" All I could do was nod because I was in the middle of trying to choke off the pictures in my head.

"Humph. Anyway Bedros said that … well … that God plants … I guess seeds would be what he called them … in people. Sometimes he does it directly and sometimes he does it through other people. But it can go two ways. Either the person can pay some attention to the seed and let it grow … whether doing it themselves or letting other people help them along … or … or they choose not to pay attention to the seed and … and it … well, it never gets a chance to do whatever it is supposed to do."

He had my attention hard by that point.

"It seems to me it would be the same thing as far as personal responsibility goes … and that's all we are really talking about here. You don't have to be a leader to be personally responsible for your actions, to think ahead, to … to plan ahead and actually do something about it. There's a seed in all people, to take personal responsibility for themselves and those people in their care," and here he turned over slowly so not to bang his ribs around before sliding his hand down my arm. "Seems most people … they just ignore that seed, let it die, because it is too much like work to cultivate it and get the real rewards in life that it offers. We're … just not that kind of people. We chose … for whatever reason … to hold onto that piece of our humanity rather than turning into some ruddy sheep."

I couldn't disagree with him. "Sure hasn't made my life particularly easier."

"I think that's the point. Easy makes you weak. Weak makes you sloppy. Sloppy eventually makes you stupid. And sooner or later stupid gets you dead. As for me," he said with a wicked twinkle. "Sure, life is hard, but I've recently found that I've rediscovered how much fun it can be too. So I intend on hanging around a good while longer … to … enjoy … it." Each of his last four words were punctuated with a kiss. "Now get some sleep."

"Sleep?!" And the dirty rat just rolled over and was snoring in under a minute. I didn't know whether to beat him with a pillow or laugh myself sick at God's sense of humor. Dad always said it took the hottest fire to make the strongest sword but I swear sometimes I felt like I was being pounded into putty.

The next morning Thor didn't scream like a little girl as he'd joked but he did squeak a few times as I snatched the tape off of him. Richards made himself scarce for the first part of the day. Wasn't really the poor guy's fault. He'd tried to save all of his skin-friendly surgical type tape and gauze for open wounds and had been forced to use … um … some ingenuity when taping up other types of things. Thor wasn't the only one with funny bare patches where hair should have been growing.

We left Wickliffe and headed south to Bardwell and then a little further still to this place called Arlington, Kentucky. Or at least it was supposed to be a town. There was a sign outside of the city limits that claimed a population of 395 people, but there were no souls left in that little crossroads. There was nothing left in that little crossroads. To this day I'm not sure what happened to the place but it looked like it had simply been dismantled and moved, right down to the foundations. Not a scrap was left of the few things that were there to begin with.

I heard one of the kids ask, "Was it a storm? A … a tornado maybe?"

Alfonso shook his head. "No, there'd be more damage to the trees and such that are here. I'd only be speculating but … salvagers."

"Salvagers?" someone else asked.

"There's stuff they ain't making more of right now. You come to a place that is empty and just sitting here going to waste? I can see some enterprising group stripping the place of anything potentially marketable and … well … if they were efficient I figure it would look something very like what we are seeing here."

It gave me the wooly boogers to think people could just move in like locusts and pick a place so clean that there'd barely be a foundation left for archaeologists to wonder at. It gave me a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and I worried about the plans I had for the future. It took lying next to Thor for a good while that night before I could let it go enough to get to sleep.

At Arlington we turned due east towards this place called Fancy Farm. About the only thing left there was the railroad tracks and the water tower. The water tower was particularly useful as someone had set up a trough beneath one of the spigots and we decided to let the animals rest since Mayfield, the next city of any size was such a question.

"If you've come for the picnic you just missed it."

You just do not startle a bunch of men with guns and the boy that had spoken dived into a clump of weeds when just about everyone with a gun in the caravan had it cocked and heading in his direction.

"Whoa will ya? Dang, a little quick on the draw ain't ya?" the boy called from his hiding place.

Recognizing a bit of a kindred spirit in the small smart aleck I got off my horse and went towards him. "Teach you though won't it?"

"Yeah, Gram's said it would get me in trouble one day. Geez though … ain't you a one. Whata you do? Go to bed in fertilizer every night?"

I laughed, "Something like that. Come on out. Now that we know you are more noise than sound it's cool."

"Ha ha. Too funny. Seriously though. If you come for the picnic …"

"We're too late. Got that. What picnic?"

"You ain't from around here are ya?"

When introductions were out of the way he went on to tell us that Fancy Farm was in the Guiness Book of World Records for having the world's biggest picnic and that it was an annual affair over a hundred years old where a bunch of politicians got together and yacked at people. "Everything was fun … except having to listen to them people talk so much. We had it again this year … tradition and stuff … and we even had some of them politicians show up but mostly people were just exchanging information and making barters."

Knowing the kind of kid he was likely to be I looked at Thor who winked and then asked the kid, "Actually bartering is something I was wondering if you would do?"

"Well, ain't got much and Gram says what we've got we need to see us through," he said, disappointed.

"Oh, we aren't after stuff."

He looked at me suddenly suspicious. "What then?"

"Information. Seems you would be the kind that would have his ear to the ground. We are doing some traveling and was wondering if you have any info about Mayfield."

He looked at me concerned and said, "I'll give this away for free. You don't want to go there. It's full of dead people. Gram … she was a nurse … she said that there's no telling what kind of germs are percolating in there right now. A lot of people have gone, said they were going to scavenge what they could … but they don't come back. My dad … he went looking for … for my mom and sister who were at the highschool … he never came back. You go … you'll never come back either."

That somber bit of news chilled us all. I'd played the Mayfield Cardinals a few times and they were a heck of a team with lots of heart. It hurt to think of the place being little more than a mausoleum.

I choked back the pain and said, "Well, we don't take charity. So, what'll you take for your information since you've saved us some serious hurt."

He looked at my gun and I thought he was going to ask the impossible then he up and surprised us again. "You any good with that thing?"

"I've had practice," I admitted.

He seemed to debate something and then nodded. "There's a mean ol' boar and his sows down the west side of town. In the last two days they've done more damage than I thought a dumb ol' pig could do and that doesn't include me getting treed three times. They keep trying to get into our gardens and they've already destroyed two of 'em. You blow a hole in their heads about so big we'll call it even."

A deal is a deal and that's exactly what we did, saving the younger of the pigs for the locals to re-tame to have pork for next year. We also spent a pleasant evening with several of the families that remained in the area that had congregated together for protection. That was one heck of a pig roast I'll tell you that much. And it was also good because they gave us some back roads to get us around Mayfield and off to Brewer which is where we wanted to get by the next day.

We were finally making up time. Well not making it up exactly but things were running smooth and we wanted to keep it that way. None of us wanted any of the trouble that Mayfield was supposed to offer.


	51. Chapter 51

_**Chapter 51**_

Passing around Mayfield was an eerie experience. There were signs all over the place warning people off but the worst was seeing the roadblocks off in the distance on the main roads and seeing the corpses on the other side of them. Whatever it was, it had been bad … bad enough that brute force and the might of the military had been used to contain it to a single location.

There was all sorts of theories talked about as we road – plague, anthrax, something definitely airborne – but I didn't participate in it. Made me feel too much like I was dancing on the graves of those poor souls trapped by whatever it had been.

Thor, sitting up beside me on the wagon since his ribs were still a little too iffy to risk riding yet, tried to silently comfort me. Later, as we stopped at some little dot on the map called Hicksville to grab a bite to eat he said, "Don't let it get to you so much Hon. They don't mean any harm."

"I don't hold it against them," I assured him. "I just … I don't know … it makes me feel … feel weird … and bad … to treat it like a school project to talk about it. It feels the same way dissecting that fetal pig did. I know there was really no harm in it, but it still twanged me in a way I can't explain. Which is double weird because I helped butcher every year … and I've been in battles and in bad spots these last several months. Why talking about that one town like that should bother me makes no sense and I know it."

Thor shrugged, "It hits you funny on some days. Now eat that sandwich. You've been off your feed for a couple of days and that's not like you."

I gave him the squinty eye. "Do I look like a farm animal?" At his raised eyebrows I added, "I'm not 'off my feed' I just … I don't know … nothing seems to suit me. I like sprouts and beans probably better than the average person but I'm getting burnt out on them. I ate that roast boar just fine."

"No you didn't. You gave me at least a third of what was put on your plate," he said giving me the squinty eye right back.

"Don't growl. I've just got a lot on my mind. I feel … anxious or something I guess."

"We're gonna need to talk about that. I don't want you going around all twisted up inside." After a few minutes he asked, "Is it me? Am I … pushing too much?"

"Huh?" Then understanding what he was getting at I told him, "No. Not pushing. I'm just … look, I'm still trying to figure things out. I … I want things … but there's so much going on and so much we still need to do. I just don't feel like I'm spending enough time doing what I need to do for us because I've committed to helping the rest of them first. And every time I think we are getting a little closer to getting them where they need to be we slide backwards just as far and that means it is going to be that much longer for me to be able to get going the direction we need me to go and …"

"Whoa," Thor said quietly. "Slow down. Don't think you have to do all of that thinking yourself."

"I know that, but you have your responsibilities and …"

"My primary responsibility is to you. It always will be. I've been letting things go, trying to get Chuckri to take more of it on since it is going to be his responsibility anyway once we get them where they're going but he's slow to take it up. Between what he figures he owes me and how to handle his uncle and older brother it's not as easy as just telling him 'here, you do it from here on out.' And I know we expected to be closer to our destination by now – and yes I'm a little frustrated too – but delays are to be expected. We'll take some time tonight to talk. Would that make you feel better?"

I told him it would be but that I didn't want to sound like a child needing comfort.

"You don't. But you are going to have to learn to trust me a little better."

I was surprised and told him so. "Trust? I trust you like I have no one else … ever. Not even … not even Jonathon."

"Then trust I'm not going to bite your head off … or laugh … if something is bothering you."

That night we stopped a little early at a place called Brewers, Kentucky. It was so small it wouldn't even have rated a Wikipedia entry and that was saying something. But there was a small outpost of people there that catered to the travelers on 402. Uncle Bedros had melted down those silver spoons I found what felt like a life time ago by that point and used some of the resulting ingots in the trading post there.

Thor had also melted down the ones that I'd kept for us and came back with some news of the road and some fruit. After dinner as everyone settled down and headed to bed I noticed that Thor had set us up on the wagon, rather than on the ground.

"What's up?" I asked, curious.

"Heard a couple of the locals said that it felt like rain. Figure this way even if we get a little wet, at least one side ought to stay dry."

I laughed in appreciation and then climbed up and into the sleeping spot he'd fixed, grateful that I'd taken guard duty while during meal time and could spend the rest of the evening with him. I told him, "Hurry and shut the tent, the fewer mosquitoes I have to kill before we go to sleep the better."

We were a little squished but neither one of us cared. "Now, about this lack of appetite …"

"Thor, I told you not to worry about it," I told him, embarrassed that he had indeed been thinking about it.

"I'm not worrying … I'm doing something about it. Now, close your eyes and open your mouth."

"What?!" I laughed.

"You heard me Ro-chelle. Now mind me," he said playfully.

"Oh honestly." But I did as he asked and he surprised me with the treat that he'd snuck by me.

"A strawberry?!" I whispered. "A real strawberry."

"Just a pint of them Hon, that's all the woman had left on her cart. But I got to them before Bedros did and I want you to eat every one of them."

"Not by myself I won't."

"Hon …"

"Unless you are allergic you are going to eat your share."

I saw him smiling even though it was dark. "But they're your present."

"So? Presents are more fun when you can share them."

So we sat there and savored those berries while we talked of the farm and the woods and the other stuff that was worrying me.

"I wish I knew if everything is going to be there when we get there. And even if it is, I'm worried that even if there is enough for us to make it through the winter that spring is going to be awful rough."

"We'll have to face that when we get there. For now though, why don't you assume that at least the buildings and woods are going to be right where you left them and take it from there."

And that's what we did, making a list of things that we'd need and the most likely place to find it. We didn't stay up too long but it did do me some good to talk and I promised myself that I wouldn't try and play Atlas and would talk to Thor more often rather than letting things build up.

The next morning started out promising enough and at least Thor and I were in a good mood but the closer we got to our destination that night the emptier the land seemed to get rather than the opposite which is what we expected. Thor and Chuckri stopped and talked to a group of travelers going the opposite direction from us and what they found out floored us all.

"About a week ago, the dam must have given way. The bridge at Aurora is still there but damaged. Everything is a real mess. Most people that have heard the news are turning away and either going north or south to find a different crossing."

While Chuckri discussed the development with his uncle I asked Thor, "What's the next best crossing point?"

"Nothing up river until you get passed Paducah and I really don't want to do that. Everything is a mess for miles from what we were told but I'm taking it with a grain of salt. People can make things out to be worse than the really are without much effort. We'll probably continue on to Aurora and see how bad the bridge is for ourselves and then make the decision. If we have to re-route I'm going to suggest going south to the Donelson Parkway and crossing there and then taking Dover Road in Tennessee around Clarksville and then back up into Kentucky again and into Hopkinsville."

"Didn't you say you had belongings in Clarksville?" I asked suddenly remembering.

He nodded. "Outside of Clarksville in a little spot call Oak Grove. There's no guarantee the stuff is there. It's on some land a friend of mine owns." He shrugged.

"Don't you want your stuff?"

Another shrug and he said, "Yeah, but I've tried not to hold onto things too hard. It's just stuff."

I knew he meant it but it still seemed a little strange to me. I suppose that was mostly a good way to look at things because you never really knew what was going to come in the future. For his sake though I knew it would be nice for him to have stuff that was distinctly his once we settled on the farm.

The closer we got to Aurora the more traffic we started to run into, opposite of what had been predicted by the people the previous day. I hadn't seen anything like it … well seriously … ever. There were people, animals, wagons, and other types of carts all over the place trying to funnel into a more and more narrow area. Eventually it became primarily two narrow "lanes" – one pedestrian-only and one comprised of everything else – and I found it completely bizarre. I was looking at everything as much as I could and still deal with driving when out of the blue Thor nearly gave me a heart attack by standing up and getting on his horse from the wagon seat.

As I fought to keep my normally placid mount from standing up in his traces I growled, "Little warning next time would be nice." Of course no one was listening because Thor and Chuckri had both taken off towards some men on horses that looked like they were dressed in some type of uniform.

I tried to keep Thor in sight but it took nearly all of my concentration to manage my unusually skittish horse. "Blast you mule, you pick the worst time to suddenly get temperamental on me. What is your problem all of a sudden?!"

Pilbos hopped out of the wagon he was in and up into ours and said, "Stop sawing at his mouth. He's never pulled the wagon in conditions this crowded and he knows you aren't where you normally are and he's not liking it."

"He's never been like this," I said while trying to be gentler with the reins while still letting the horse know who was in charge.

"It's probably the noise and so many other strange horses making it worse. We're all having more trouble than usual. Can I borrow that tow line? We're going to be forced to put all of the animals on lead strings."

"Sure." And with that he was gone. And just in time too as Thor was back.

With the carefully blank face he used when he was referring to Pilbos Thor asked, "What did Pilbo Doughboy want?"

"The tow line. They're putting all of the animals on leading strings because of the crowd. Did you find … dat burn it!" A kid – not one of ours – had run between the wagons and nearly under my horse's hooves. "One more kid does that and I'm going to go thermonuclear. Don't their parents have any sense than to let them run loose in this kind of mess?!"

"Easy," Thor said putting his hand on my arm and feeling how much I was shaking. "Hold off on the ruckus if you can. It'll tighten up passed the check point up ahead."

"Check point?" I asked only now noticing what looked like a bunch of people and wagons piled up along a long, tall fence.

"People out of Ft. Campbell, they were out this way assessing damage from the dam break. They're all up and down here keeping the peace. Day before yesterday there was a riot and several people and a couple of wagons got pushed off the bridge from too many people trying to get over at a time and some knuckleheads trying to jump the line or push it along too fast. Now if anyone causes problems you lose your place in line and there are no line jumpers either. Makes everything feel like a cattle chute but it's more organized. And the bridge is closed from dusk 'til dawn by armed guards on both ends because they lost a lot of the railing. At the current rate it is going to take us a couple of days to get our turn to cross but we will get across which was the worry."

I sighed, "Sounds just like all kinds of fun." I had to swiftly avert my eyes as some guy just … er … watered the grass right out in the open for everyone to see. "Geez," I muttered in disgust.

"Easy Hon, you'll probably see worse before we get out of this mess."

"Well aren't you all kinds of comfort."

I felt Thor looking at me. "What is really bothering you?"

It felt like a goose walked over my grave. "Sorry for being a grump. It's … I'd honestly forgotten what it was like."

"Forgotten what what was like?"

"All the staring. Too late to go back to being a boy I suppose," I asked half serious.

He chuckled, "Little bit. You might pull off the ribbon in your hair but the t-shirt is a dead giveaway."

I blushed, "Shaddup. I'm … I'm blossoming is all."

That did make Thor laugh and when the man really let go you could hear him in the next county which only made more people look. "You're gonna blossom right out of your shirts if you keep this up," he finally said after he'd quieted down.

"Trust me, I'm aware of the problem. All of my button downs will no longer button where I need them to. My body fat ratio has gone up from lack of training. I'm trying to watch what I eat but I'm already so hungry all the time that …"

I got a look and then Thor said, "That's why you haven't been eating? You better not be dieting. There's no sense to it. You're working, you need to eat."

"I know that. I'm not stupid."

"I'm not saying …"

"Forget it. It's a girl thing. Just … it's … I don't like the stares I get. Makes me feel like the Jolly Green Giant's ugly half-sister. I don't care exactly what they think, it's just that the staring bothers me enough to think my own thoughts."

"Well don't. And next bit of salvage …"

"I've got stuff at home. We don't need to weigh us down anymore with fluff. I can make do with the t-shirts I've got and I'll just throw the shirts over the top of that."

"Hon …"

"Thor don't. I feel silly enough. Let's just get through all of these people and then get gone."

He gave me another look and said, "You aren't this way with me … or the rest of the caravan that I've seen."

"That's because you're you and I trust you. And the others I've gotten used to and they aren't rude when they stare. I don't … all of these strange eyes … it's just too much like the old days. I'd forgotten what it was like is all."

"OK. I'm going to ride for a while but I won't be far. Anyone get too close …"

"I can handle it Thor," I told him with a thin smile. "I'm not going to fall apart. But I do admit I'll be happier to be away from here as soon as we can. Nothing good can come from having this many people crammed into this small of a space."


	52. Chapter 52

Chapter 52

"Rochelle, get some sleep."

"I'm fine."

"Yes you are," he said with a leer I could barely see in the dark and despite everything I gave an unexpected giggle.

"Thor, I swear … you are such a … a guy. How can you … I'm mean in the middle of all of this … honestly …" And I gave another unwilling, bashful, yet really appreciative giggle.

Thor was possibly – no likely – the only other person besides my dad who could actually make me giggle. It looks and sounds weird when I do it so I avoid it like the plague but he managed it nearly every time he tried, and a few times he didn't.

And what on earth had us sitting together on the wagon seat acting like a couple of loons? It was the second night of being in line to get across that blasted bridge. We couldn't camp because if we left the line we'd lose our place. We couldn't really even unhitch the horses because doing so would mean we were unable to move forward in case someone was pulled out of line. We couldn't sleep because if we did someone would try to steal you blind. We learned that the hard way the first night; and some learned the hard way that we weren't your average travelling caravan.

Thor, Pilbos, and I entertained ourselves that first night scaring anyone that came too near the wagons or animals. I know it sounds adolescent but it actually saved us some trouble. I supposed you could say the caravan walked softly but carried big sticks … and the three of us were the biggest sticks in the pile. Thor and I even managed to teach Pilbos to growl. On the other hand Chuckri gave us an irritable look and then said, "I don't need that boy's head to get any bigger." Thor just laughed and said, "Then put him to work at something that makes him feel like one of the men instead of one of the boys. Have you forgotten what it was like to be that age?"

Privacy was nonexistent so when it finally got completely dark I told Thor to take the reins. He grabbed my arm as I was getting down. "Be careful. Keep your knife out. I'd come with you but ..."

"Thor, I love you, but there are some things that a girl needs a little privacy for. Besides, you are going to have your hands full controlling the horses. I'll be back as quick as I can."

Every tree and bush nearby was already fouled; it was disgusting and you had to watch where you put your feet. In fact I'm fairly certain most of the greenery was going to be dead by the time they could clear up the road somewhat. You just don't dump that much nitrogen and manure on a plant … even a tree … and expect it to remain healthy; not gonna happen unless you get enough rain to dilute it significantly and then you are looking at the fun of having human waste run off into above ground water sources.

I was many yards away by the time I finally found some privacy that didn't already reek. I was just righting my clothes and happened to bend down to grab my knife out of my boot top where I had put it to snap my pants when I was grabbed from behind and a sack dragged over my head. My Bowie made short work of the guy behind me and the little noise he made before running away bleeding like a stuck pig was drowned out by the noise of the long line waiting to cross the bridge that despite the hour was still quite loud.

I wiped my blade on the dew dampened stand of bushes before I tried to go back to the wagon looking as natural as possible. Once I got there I got into the back of the wagon and told Thor that I was going to try and rest for a few minutes. I actually fell into a sort of sleepy stupor for a couple of hours before startling awake and climbing back into the wagon seat to give Thor his turn.

The noise of the line had gone way down but was still there. "Why don't you try and get some sleep now? Your leg has to be sore."

"I will in a minute, just as soon as you tell me what spooked you out in the bushes."

Crud. I was caught and knew it. "About what you would expect and exactly why you told me to keep my knife handy," I said trying to keep my voice low.

I felt Thor stiffen up in distress. "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine. Your advice was good. Thank you."

"Don't give me that Rochelle, you know what I'm talking about."

I sighed, "The guy was no match for me. It seemed like he'd had some practice but he couldn't get any leverage to take me down. I hurt him bad. How bad I'm not sure but it was bad. He wasn't going to get far with his leg tore up like that. And before you ask I didn't want to drag you into it because we can't afford to lose our place in line and I didn't say anything to anyone else because I dealt with the threat and didn't want to drag it into being a caravan problem … or having to watch the crew try and back me up. Better to stay low and pretend so that no one else would have to. You would have done the same thing."

"Likely. But that's not the point. Don't treat me like I'm no one."

I tried to see his face in the dark but since I couldn't I scooted over close to him and finally loosened up his stiff arm enough to snuggle under it. "You aren't no one, you are someone. Even more than that you are someone that I trust … and trust enough to let me handle some things. I just wanted us both to have an alibi. Under any other circumstances I would have screamed so that you could come running and save this poor damsel in distress."

Ignoring everything else he asked, "It was enough to make you scream? Details. Now."

Whooboy. "Thor …"

"Now Rochelle."

I was too used to a patriarchal life to be able to ignore the command that was in his voice. "I was … er … straightening my undergarments and taking my knife out of my boot top when this guy came in behind me and threw a plastic bag over my head. I stabbed backwards and deep and twisted the blade when it was in. He turned loose and ran. No noise from either one of us and I never left my feet. It was over so quick I could almost pretend it didn't happen."

"You put a hurt on the guy?" Thor asked after a few minutes of dead silence that radiated some serious anger.

"Yeah. Even in the dark I could see he was bleeding pretty bad and barely able to run off. I had a hard time getting my blade clean."

In a clipped voice he asked, "And you didn't go after him?"

"Do I look crazy? It was dark. Too much farther away and you wouldn't have heard me if I did get into a serious pickle. If I went after him it could be taken as something it wasn't and I could have gotten caught by the patrols and brought trouble on all of us. Besides, all I was thinking of was to go in the opposite direction that the guy had gone."

Another few moments where he felt like a statue and then he loosened up and gave me a bruising, one-armed hug. "I hope the little #$% # bled out."

"Thor!"

"What? You want me to hope he sought medical assistance and survives to a nice old age?"

"No but geez, you don't need to say it like that."

"I won't candy coat it Rochelle."

I sighed trying really hard not to make things worse. "Thor, I don't expect you to be anything or anyone other than who and what you are … just … for my sake if nothing else can you pick a different word?"

"Trying to change me already?"

"No," I told him and then hugged him around his waist. "I just … look, I'm a female and it is genetically encoded that we try and civilize our men somewhat. A little Neanderthal is a good thing and keeps life interesting; too much isn't so good. Same with machismo or whatever it's called around the world. Just pick a different word to express that particular sentiment … please?"

I thought I'd blown it until he spoke and I could hear a small bit of cunning in his voice when he asked, "So you find my … machismo … interesting do you?"

"I find it all kinds of interesting and then some," I told him teasing him right back. "In fact I find it too interesting and I'm going to wind up getting us both in trouble one of these days soon. So use it sparingly because it does strange things to my insides."

"Hmmmm. Sounds like a problem we should explore more."

I couldn't help it, I giggled again despite my best intentions. "I swear Thor. Look, tone it back a bit. We are out in public and I'll wind up embarrassing both of us and it just plain isn't fair."

"Now you know how I've been feeling for months. That's some nice seat you have there and it was awful hard not to stare when you were supposed to be a young man." After a couple of moments he said, "I think I will lay down for a while but if you see that … person … you sing out."

"Of course. But I don't think I will. Thor … I really did, you know, hurt him and … and …"

"Hey … you did what you had to and probably prevented someone else from getting hurt tonight even had you been able to break free without damaging … him."

I nodded in the dark even though he couldn't see it. "I know … just thanks for being so understanding. I'm not squeamish … I just hate when it comes to being forced to be bigger and tougher. I hope …"

"Hope what?"

"Just that when we get to the farm we can … can take a break from this type of life, have some peace. I'm just getting so tired of always having to look over my shoulder and around every corner."

He sighed, part in understanding and part just from being tired. "We'll do what we can but the world is a different place than it was. You talk about civilizing me and I know you were joking … or mostly … but the truth is Hon that civilization as we knew it is on vacation. Now, pay attention and don't let me sleep too long. We should be able to cross the bridge today and if we move at the same rate we have been going it should be about mid-morning."

I let Thor sleep until an hour before sun up at which time he went off to find his own bush. Food for our group had been a real problem until we work a kind of solar oven to heat water with and then used it to make some instant food up. Breakfast was an oatmeal like candy that didn't require cooking but all of us where running on fumes and were anxious to get away from the bridge and make camp so that we could clean up, cook, take care of the animals, and rest.

It was closer to lunch when we made our way onto the bridge with our caravan intact. About fifty yards before that was the old metal highway sign posts and tied to these poles were … bodies. They had been hung and each corpse had a sign attached to it. The newest one said "rapist" and it was the man that had attacked me. I don't know how he had been found, if he fit a description that had already been given, if he had tried again or just what but it was deeply disturbing to see the man I could barely recognize as my attacker hanging there with the crows pecking at him.

"Was that him?" Thor whispered while staring straight again.

I whispered back disgusted, "Yeah."

Nothing else was said but Thor obviously wasn't bothered by the man's fate. I just prayed there was no more like him where he came from.

Then I got my first good look at bridge and the little bit of breakfast I'd eaten decided it was going to rethink whether it stayed where it was at.


	53. Chapter 53

Chapter 53

I remember what a big deal it was when they rebuilt the Kentucky Lake bridge. My dad said it was a one of a kind for Kentucky; something called a basket handle bridge. I could see why they would call it that although the basket handle seemed to be about the only thing that was relatively intact since the Kentucky Dam gave way.

I was saying such to Thor when a rider from Ft. Campbell came by. "No … er … ma'am? Uh …" I cut him some slack and kind of laughed it off though Thor looked to be on the verge of getting upset on my behalf. "Sorry ma'am," he said with a blush that made his ears nearly as red as his hair and freckles. "The Kentucky Dam didn't give way so much as the earthen levees on the end of the concrete portion of the dam did. The dam is supposed to be earthquake proof so the terrorists blew the levees."

"Then why so much damage to this bridge?" Thor asked. "We're a long way from the dam."

"Combination of things; heavier rains than normal had water backed up for quite a ways as no more could be let out the spillways without causing more flooding. Lots of boats and debris just free floating on the lake. And then this bridge had already been attacked by a local domestic terrorist group who had a grudge against the TVA and the LBL area in particular. So when the earthen levee went … it took over six hours for the water to get passed Calvert City … it sent some heavily muddied water and debris into the pylons."

It was my turn to ask a question. "Is it really sound enough to cross?"

"The bridge is plenty sound. All that you see is really just cosmetic, even the missing guard rails. The problem is that people don't want to wait their turn or they try and pass slower moving wagons or carts. Then you have all of the single riders and pedestrians. We've had some people get pushed off and we've had to take these actions to ensure commerce can continue from one side to the other. We are starting a ferry for pedestrians but we have to secure a fuel source before we can implement it completely."

"Sounds like a right mess," I said.

"Yes ma'am. I see you are the lead wagon in your caravan. We're going to need you to stay together and keep it tight. You'll be moving slow but at a steady clip. When you exit the bridge at the other side you need to keep going. Unless it is an emergency there is no stopping until you get to Fenton. And we also had word this morning that Golden Pond is quarantined; some kind of dysentery is running rampant and they suspect a compromised water source is making it worse so you'll have to detour down the Trace and then over into Dover, Tennessee." And with that he took off to count heads so that we could get our whole group over in one batch.

I looked at Thor. "Detour?"

His brows were lowered and then he said, "Take the reins. This is going to take some discussion."

He got on his horse and slid back to talk to Chuckri, Uncle Bedros, and Ludvig. Unfortunately he didn't get back before we had to get on the bridge and the lanes had been narrowed to the point that a full size wagon was a tight squeeze. I understood the why of it but I hadn't planned on being alone as I went across the bridge.

I'm no coward but being that high up over water with no guard rail was pretty intimidating. Heights don't bother me; I'm from the Smokies for pity sake. The bridge didn't bother me. Driving the wagon didn't bother me as our horses were all too tired to misbehave. It wasn't even the crowded conditions that bothered me though I wasn't too thrilled with how close I had to drive to the oncoming traffic lane. It was all of it combined slathered over with the story of how one of my great great grandfathers fell off of a bridge when one of his appaloosa mules that he bred got spooked by a car that tooted its horn. The memories of the people where I'm from are pretty long lived and stories get handed down over and over. Heck, they still call the US civil war the "War Between the States" and make no apologies for it.

I wasn't sweating bullets but my pits were a little damp and not just from the heat of the day. Everything had been going fine and I was beginning to feel relaxed. I had just edged beyond the main span that made up the "basket handle" section when there was a ruckus in the oncoming traffic lane. It started with an individual rider that had his horse spook; the poor thing was so sway back I'm surprised it had the energy. That horse kicked a wagon – looked like it tried to climb up into it actually – and that set those animals off not to mention all the screaming of the people in that wagon that found a horse trying to act like a lap animal.

From there it was just a plain mess; it spread into the lane I was in and the animals in front of me started bucking in their traces. Then the individual riders, instead of playing it safe tried to rush off the bridge which sent the pedestrians going in every which direction trying to avoid flying hooves and half-crazed animals. All the screaming and carrying on made the chaos even worse. All I could do was try and keep my own animal and wagon under control.

Then to make matters worse a man was trying to push through with a crying young girl struggling in his arms. She saw me and reached out. Vika. Someone was trying to use the chaos to steal one of our kids.

I stood up in the wagon, reached out and kicked the stranger in the head sending him down. I managed to lean over and grab her while holding the reins one handed, pulling her up beside me.

"Who was that? What happened?"

The girl sobbed, "I … I don't know. Uncle Lud said to hold on and that's what I was doing and then this guy just pulled me out and started running."

"Take it easy. Bunch a jerks in this world right now. Look back and see if you can show them that I have you. I've got to keep …"

Then our wagon was rammed by another on our side that had tried to push through the line. I had some uncomplimentary things to say but just managed to keep my religion by praying hard.

"We're on the edge! We're on the edge!"

"I know Vika. Just hold on. Here, hold onto the back of the seat and onto my belt if that makes you feel better … just don't scream in my ear. I've got to be able to concentrate." She wound up holding onto me more than the wagon seat which was fine but a little disconcerting all things considered.

By the time we got off the bridge the disaster was even worse. The military was trying to control brawls and everything else. The road was unlike anything I'd ever seen or experienced before. I heard one guy holler to his mate, "Worse than the worst traffic out in LA!"

I wouldn't know about that, all I can say is that it was bad. More than a few guns had been pulled and used though I'm not sure how constructively. I got a bee sting on my forearm from a piece of shrapnel that flew off a wagon that had been shot accidentally on purpose.

It took hours and I don't know who was more frantic to get out of the mess … the animals or the people. There had been several runaway teams and more than a few accidents. The Ft. Campbell people were doing their best to get things straightened out and help to the truly injured but it was also a case of some good Samaritans causing more problems than they helped to cure. Wagons were parked all willy nilly, teams were unattended which made them temptation to the unscrupulous, and more and more messes like that.

There wasn't any place to just pull over. Even when we got passed Fenton the road was just a horrible mess. People in the west bound lanes were constantly asking questions of those of us in the east bound lane. At the intersection of the Trace and highway 80 Thor came forward.

"You OK?"

I couldn't even afford to give him a look. "I will be. What's the plan?"

"Don't have any choice at this point. Head south at the intersection up ahead. The Trace will be a lot less travelled going south than going north would be." More quietly he said, "I heard from one of the Ft. Campbell people that with the right coin we can get a camping spot and maybe some trade goods."

I nodded but kept my eyes on the road. He asked, "Vika, you want to go back to …"

"No!" she said and grabbed me around the waist hard enough squeeze some air out of me.

I told her, "Easy. You can stay if you want but at least give Thor a message for your people. And your dad. If he keeps circling us any more even his horse is going to get dizzy. And if David hops in and out of the wagon one more time I'm going to swat him. He's going to fall out and do damage to that hard head of his." I saw her bite her lips out of the corner of my eye and I knew she was determined to not smile even when she wanted to.

Don't ask me what had suddenly turned her around and I wasn't sure I completely trusted it but she was just a little kid and little kids can flip flop in a heartbeat and mean it through and through. She eventually started nodding off but I couldn't hold her up on the seat.

"Vika, let your Dad take you back to your wagon so you can rest. You can come back when you've let them make a fuss over you if you want. I just don't want you to get hurt sliding off the seat. OK?"

She sighed, "I guess. But I can come back … you know … sometimes?"

"I don't see why not so long as you don't annoy Thor too much," I told her with a wink.

"You … you aren't like they said."

I didn't even bother asking her who "they" were. "People make mistakes."

"They did it on purpose." She said it like she knew I was trying to make something better that shouldn't be.

"Maybe. But they're gone and you're not and you can't let what they said eat you up."

"But they said awful stuff … and I believed them and did awful stuff …"

"Vika. It's over and done with. I don't hold it against you and since they're … they're not around to do anything anymore it would be a waste of my energy to carry a grudge. I won't forget … because it was a pretty big thing … but that doesn't mean that I can't forgive. You need to find some way to forgive your mom too. I don't know why she did what she did … maybe she really believed it … but she …" I stopped long enough to wonder if I was saying too much. "Look, she reaped what she sowed. I'm sorry that you got hurt in the process. I'm sorry other people got hurt … including me. But she's gone and it is over with. I don't think it serves any good purpose to keep digging those bones back up."

She gave me a funny look. "What do you mean digging the bones back up?"

I shrugged. "I consider it … over … done. So I've … well I've buried it. You know like people say 'bury the hatchet' and things like that? We'll, I've buried it. It makes no sense for me to go digging it up to touch and feel it all over again when to get healthy I'll just have to go back and re-bury. That's too much work and doesn't make any sense."

"Oh. I … I get it … I think."

I tried to smile even though I was concentrating on the road. "That's just how I think of it. It helps me to see the picture of how I want it to go in my head. But that doesn't mean that you have to think of it the same way."

"OK."

She finally let me call Chuckri up and she must have ridden with him for about ten minutes before she fell asleep hard. After putting her to sleep with Elsapet to watch over her Chuckri came back up to me. "What did you say to her?"

"Nothing."

"That was a lot of talking for it to be nothing."

I laughed, "Girls are good at that. It is one of our primary weapons at keeping guys confused."

"Oh yeah, now that I believe. Seriously though Rocky …"

I sighed. "It really wasn't anything. I just let her see that I wasn't some monster by just … just being me and doing what I had to do. I'm big and solid and I guess once she'd gotten up here she didn't want to leave. Not to mention she is probably bored out of her head riding in that wagon day in and day out. It was a change of scenery for her. Right there at the end she mentioned that I wasn't what she had thought but I'm not going to get irritated at the poor kid over that so I hope you don't either."

"No … I just … she seems like she is getting better but Delia says she still has nightmares."

"No kidding. I dreamed of that fire the other night too. Things happen in life that you have a hard time putting behind you. But I have and I hope that by seeing that I have she'll be able to do what she needs to do."

He gave me a lopsided grin, "You aren't half bad Kid, you know that?"

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," I laughed right back at him.

And I could laugh because the further away we got from Hwy 80 the fewer and fewer people there were on the road. That's not to say that people weren't parked along the road because they were. People pulled over as soon as they could find a spot. Everyone was pretty washed out and shook up from that wait in line for the bridge and then the accompanying mess. Everyone included the animals too.

It was getting late when we finally got near a road block for the Homeplace. I saw some coins change hands between our group and those manning the gates and we pulled in and were directed into a grassy area and we could hardly get the animals unhitched for the fact that they were pulling at the grass like lunatics.

And speaking of food, two boys hauled over a large pot on a stick between them. "You'll have to return the pot … cleaned and dried … before eight o'clock or you'll hear from Mrs. Houchins and trust me you don't want that. Breakfast will be biscuits with busted down gravy, grits for those that want them, and depending on the chickens we might also get a boiled egg in there … half one for kids under ten. You'll have to provide your own drink if you want anything besides water … but we check the water twice a day and boil it too so we don't get the sicknesses here you see other places. Three more rules and then we'll leave you in peace. Use the latrines and not the trees; that's one of the ways we control any sickness. Discharging a fire arm without a doggone good reason might get you killed dead around here so use some commonsense. And no ruckus after nine o'clock and none before five in the morning; some of us need our beauty sleep and get cranky without it. Now these next two ain't official rules per se but you'll keep the staff on your side which could go a long way to making your stay more pleasant … keep control of your kids; we don't want to have to go looking for them and there are things in these woods that could eat 'em up and some of 'em are of the two-legged variety. Keep control of your animals and clean up after 'em for the same reason. 'Nuff said, y'all have a good evening and don't forget about that pot."

If I hadn't been so tired I would have laughed; it was like being home in a really good way. I had shown Joan how to make cornpone in the spider skillet when we first got on the road. I had also shown the kids how to make a thick rope of bread and wrap it around a stick and cook it that way. Both of those activities were under way while the thick vegetable soup was kept warm giving the rest of us time to finish taking care of the animals. The poor things barely had the energy to swat flies with their tales.

A man who turned out to be a blacksmith slash farrier came over and listed his prices and Uncle Bedros was happy enough to pay him after seeing him do some work on one of the horses that had picked up a stone.

I told Thor, "There's no way he's going to see to all the animals today and it'll break the bank if …"

"We'll be staying another night. The animals need to recover and we need to go over the wagons to check for damage. Bedros is trading one of the male sheep and one of the male calves that need to be weaned."

"What?!"

"Easy. Needs to be done. They've got too many animals to winter over with and it will create more genetic diversity or some such for the people here. Win-win. We'll be getting supplies too since the animals are so valuable." He stopped and then I saw how truly tired he was.

"Thor, you've been riding since early this morning when you were supposed to give that leg more rest first. I know I can't make you but at least let me set up the tent and take first watch. I'm too wired to rest anyway."

It pointed to how tired he was that he didn't even make an attempt at a half-hearted protest. After the dinner, which was so good I nearly scraped the spots off of my speckleware bowl, most everyone made an early night of it. When my turn finally came I was very grateful and slept the sleep of the dead until I felt Thor getting up the next morning.

"Sleep. I'll bring you breakfast when it's ready."

"No though I do appreciate the thought. If I start doing something like that … well … it might not set well with the other women. I've got a foot in both worlds and I have to be careful."

"Huh?" Thor asked like it was too early for philosophy.

I gave him a tired grin. "I'm a girl now and I need to help with the girl stuff … but I'm also one of the crew to a certain extent and have to keep up with that as well. Makes me life complicated my foine buck."

"That … was a terrible Irish brogue."

"It wasn't an Irish brogue but backwoods Scots-Irish speak. I wonder if Mr. Dink is alive."

We were putting our puts on after making sure nothing had crawled in them during the night. "Mister who?"

"Mister Dink. He's one of the old timers that my dad used to trade tobacco to. Mr. Dink was … different. Dad said he'd suffered some kind of accident during the Korean war and came home a changed man. He just isn't very good in certain company but he was always good to us. Most people would have called him homeless but the reality is that his home is where ever he lays his head at night. He's got a couple of places that are his favorite and Dad had to fetch him to the doctor a couple of times but since before I was born he's been tramping back and forth from our place and managing to stay out of trouble with the law. I think he was some kind of friends with my grandfather and Dad just kept the friendship up after his dad died."

"What was your grandfather like?"

"Hmm? Oh, I never knew my grandfather, he died when my dad was little. Kinda … well … wild and stuff. My great grandparents helped to raise Dad and his siblings. I remember my mom's folks though. Granddaddy was a self-made man and had a good farm going until a couple of the big ag conglomerates made it hard on him. After that they were strictly dependent on the local restaurants and tourists who came through. Their farm adjoined my dad's land … it's how Mom and Dad met. Their farm got split between the siblings and my aunt and uncle sold out and moved away but Mom got the section with the terraced orchards and … hey!"

"What?"

"If we can get home before October those orchards should be full of apples. We may have to eat apples all winter but at least we won't starve."

"Mmmm. Apples. Sounds like a plan Hon … and now that you've got me hungry, let's get the chores done and go eat."

The biscuits, gravy, etc. were as good as dinner had been. I was at loose ends afterwards so I helped to chop wood. I got some stares but they weren't unfriendly ones and soon enough the women and I were talking since I showed them I knew what they were talking about. We exchanged a few recipes and I got to hear some of the local gossip and then it was time for me to get back to my own group.

I had just walked up to the caravan when a little spitfire asked, "Where did you go?!"

"I was cutting wood Shorty. What did you do with your day?"

"Oh. Nothing, I was bored."

"All this work that needs to be done and you were bored?"

"They won't let me do nothin'. I have to stay with Grandmother or Elsapet. Markrid wouldn't let me rock the baby either."

"Well, don't pout, your lip will drag the ground eventually and that wouldn't be too attractive not to mention you'd wind up with a mouth full of dirt. Try finding something that you can do. I bet those poor ol' dogs would love to get brushed out. And the chickens look like they could really go for some fresh grass, preferably with some bugs on it. And did you know that pigs sunburn as bad as people do? I bet the piglets in particular would like to have someone build them a little bit of shade to wallow in."

"Really?" she asked with suspicion.

"Really what?"

"All that stuff you just said. Is it true? That pigs get sunburned and I can feed the chickens bugs and the dogs will let me brush them. That stuff."

I held my right hand up. "If I'm lyin' I'm dyin'. Just because people tell you there is stuff you can't do doesn't mean that you can't come up with some stuff that you can do. I'm not much for sitting around being bored either. That's why I went and hunted up some stuff to keep myself from getting under foot and being a pest. Because as a pest I can be a pretty big one."

She bit her lips again to keep from laughing. "I know where David put the dogs' brushes."

"See there, no reason to be bored. And besides, the dogs may decide you are their new bestest friend and keep you company on the off chance you might decide to give them another brushing."

Poor kid, she was so bored that she ran straight over to a box to grab the brush and practically tackled a dog to start brushing it. I laughed to myself wondering if the poor beastie was going to wind up with a bow on each ear.

I was walking passed a tree when I was grabbed from behind and was just able to stop myself from hurting my "assailant" when he whispered, "And why are you in such a good mood Ms. Charbonneau?"

"Thor! You goof. I'm just happy to be off that wagon seat for a while longer. And what has you in such a good mood?"

"Walk with me?"

"Of course."

We walked for a little ways and then found a good sized rock to sit against. "We got clearance from the Ft. Campbell people. Tomorrow we've got a long drive to Tharpe where we have a pass to camp and then the next day will be Tharpe into Dover."

"And they are being so nice to us why?"

"You've turned wicked suspicious of late," he smiled.

"Maybe, but maybe I've been this way all along and you are just now noticing."

He nodded, "Maybe. Either way you're right. We'll be carrying mail pouches. There'll be some spotters along the way and the bags are going to be locked shut to make sure there isn't any mishandling, but if it gets us a pass through the area with no trouble it is not going to be a hardship to do this one little extra thing."

I agreed, "Sounds easy enough. What comes after Dover? I can just barely remember what this area looks like from the maps."

"In Dover will pick up Hwy 79 and take it around Ft. Campbell and into Clarksville. Clarksville is in lockdown though it is still easy to come in go in parts of it though just not after curfew. The closer you are to the base the more checkpoints there are. We've been offered re-supply in Clarksville and from there we'll go north … right by my friend's land so I'll check to see if my stuff is still there … and out of Oak Grove we'll take Pembroke Rd which will take us straight into Fairvew which is a good thing because we'll bypass Hopkinsville which word has is a mess at the moment. The State Hospital is there and they had some pretty bad cases that escaped and did some damage in the surrounding areas, gangs too if you can believe that, but the trouble stays pretty much in the city itself as the farmers have a habit of shooting first and then dumping in the rock quarry before asking questions."

"Geez, are the Chuckri's sure that is where they want to go?"

"How they are going to live there is their problem Hon. Our problem is getting them there. I thought you'd be happy we were so close."

I climbed up in his lap being careful of his leg. "I am, just Mom always said to not count your chickens before they're hatched. The closer we get the more excited I'll get. But right now I'm more interested in paying some attention to what is right in front of me."

Thor gave me a slow grin. "Well, I can't fault your logic there."

We spent a pleasurable hour before heading back to the group. I wanted to go over the wagon one more time and double check our supplies. We were getting closer but we had some long row to hoe before we could actually go onto the next phase of our journey.


	54. Chapter 54

Chapter 54

It didn't take us two days to get from Model to Dover. Why on earth the military thought it would is beyond me but apparently our miles per day for traveling was well above the average. It fit the historical average but more than likely people were still learning to travel in an age without motorized assistance.

Dover itself was hit hard when Nashville began to evacuate. It is only 67 miles WNW of that big city and well within the circle that people could drive out on a tank of gas; wouldn't even take a full tank of gas to get that far. The town had been stripped clean, disease and strife had been imported in addition to some of the homegrown stuff that was already there. Ft. Campbell personnel had been forced to move in but it wasn't until after they had secured Clarksville that was even worse off as it was larger and closer to Nashville.

When we reached our check point the guards were so surprised that it took a while for them to believe us even with the official mail packet as proof. Thor was just this side of completely out of patience by the time we were finally allowed to enter the town and then tucked into an area near the Ft. Donelson National Cemetery. It wasn't really near the cemetery so much as between the cemetery and Water St.

I never even talked to the Ft. Campbell people. They preferred to talk to Chuckri and Thor; I guess it was a matter of talking the same language and sharing similar experiences. The supplies they brought to us were mostly locally harvested. In addition to what we "earned" by being mules for the mail service (took up most of the wagon I was driving), we hit up the local market with our own coins. Lots of fresh foods were in the markets – apples, apricots, canning pears, beans, blackberries, beets, blueberries, cabbage, cantaloupes, celery, carrots, cucumbers, grapes, greens, nectarines, peaches, dessert pears, peppers, potatoes, raspberry, squash, sweet corn, and tomatoes.

I had a hard time not biting into one of those tomatoes just like an apple. I did notice that grains weren't much in evidence which made me wonder how people were going to get by this winter. It also made me ache to do some preserving and fortunately – or unfortunately depending on your point of view – I was granted some time to do so when it rained for the next two days making travel impossible.

"Thor, help me stretch this tarp please," I asked.

Thor looked twice before asking, "Why?" He wasn't being a pain he was just curious.

I told him with a grin, "I need a place to cook under. I've got an idea."

"Well, I admit that so far I've found myself partial to your plans but I'm still not seeing it Hon," he told me as he got up to help tighten the tarp at an angle.

"I'm tired of worrying if there is going to be anything when we get to the farm. I've seen too many places salvaged over and though our farm is back in the woods and hard to find that doesn't mean that it didn't get found or that some other disaster hasn't taken place. It will be September before you know it and there is no way I'm going to get a garden in the ground before cold weather hits. Better for us to start taking advantage of what we can find, when we can find it."

Thor also helped me build the barrel cooker that I had salvaged parts for from the surrounding vacant buildings and clean up the milk crates that I had found in a warehouse down by the water. I wanted my mother's jars really bad but I had to make do with what I had found when had stopped in different places. I sterilized the jars and lids … most of them old glass mayonnaise and spaghetti sauce jars … then started with the blueberries. I cleaned and sorted the berries, crushed the berries, then poured them in a couple of jars to within an inch and three-quarter from the top. I poured an inch of honey over the top of the berries and then coated the remainder of the inside of the jar and lid with more honey. My great grandmother had told me that she had preserved berries like that until my mom and dad got married when Mom brought her "modern" canning equipment with her as part of her dowry.

I clarified some butter to have for when we left the Chuckri family and their handy dandy and oh so convenient cattle. I set the butter near the heat to cook off all of the water. It took nearly six hours to do it this way but it wasn't like I had anything else to do. When it finished it was amber colored and completely clear and I poured it into yet another orphan jar that I had sterilized. Clarified butter keeps for months even unrefrigerated and my mother kept some to use in the winter months when the cow would give out or the milk would be so little that it wasn't worth the effort of turning it into butter.

I dried as much of the fruits and vegetables as I could by making drying trays I sat next to the fire. I "borrowed" the screens off of many local buildings and I sweated it, praying that the fruit would get finished in time before we had to leave. The humidity of the rain also didn't help but it still got finished and packed away before we took off.

I wasn't the only one taking advantage of the fresh bounty and time we were granted. The Chuckri women were going at it with a vengeance as well. We had the men fetching and scurrying to keep up with our demand for wood to keep the fires going and in making sure we had the potable water we needed.

I learned some new techniques that I wrote down in my notebook at night. Joan showed me how to make sauerkraut in jars. It freaked me out a little bit but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. She showed me how to use a similar method to preserve green beans and cucumbers. In return I showed her how my grandmothers had preserved cherry tomatoes using vinegar and oil.

Mrs. Chuckri and Grandmother Chuckri showed me how to preserve goat cheese in oil. That was fun and I had developed a taste for the stuff so it was good to know how to make it if I ever was able to get goats for the farm. When my parents kept goats it was for meat; my dad had a real fondness for BBQ goat meat.

Beets, cherry tomatoes, and gherkins we preserved in vinegar. We preserved some grape leaves in salt for stuffing later. I'd had to learn to eat stuffed grape leaves early on as that was one of Joan's favorite dishes to make but originally I'd thought the idea pretty silly. I didn't think it silly any more and relished the idea of being able to make stuffed grape leaves for Thor when we had our own home.

We made several different chutney batches since they required little to no sugar. And the last thing we did was preserve some of the fruit in brandy which the Chuckri clan had brought with them from their western home. Dried apricots, raspberries, and blackberries were all preserved this way.

You would think we wouldn't be able to get all of this done in just two days but what you have to remember is that the batches were small and there were so many females and children to help do the work that it went fairly well though we were all pretty tired when we finally were able to head out.

We were guided across the bridge that crossed Lake Barkley on the other side of the Land Between the Lakes and then joined a big military caravan that pushed us all to get to a place called Woodlawn. It took a full twenty-mile day but we made it; it was exhausting but we did make it.

Woodlawn is basically a bedroom community for Clarksville even though it was really big. It nestled between Dover Road and Old Dover Road and was pretty much militarized due to its proximity to the Ft. Campbell military reservation.

"What's the deal with all the rules?" David complained as someone came by to tell us to put out our fire.

"Relax," Chuckri said without explanation.

"Daaaad," David said in the tone that only a kid is capable of.

"David. Go get in your bed and go to sleep." The finality of that tone brooked no argument though I could tell that David wanted to.

Later as Thor and I were crawling in our own bed I asked, though I wasn't sure it was my place to, "Why couldn't Chuckri have just told David that the rules were because we were in someone else's playground? When you go to someone else's house you follow their rules. Or am I missing something?"

Thor, less sore than he had been for a while, pulled me closer and said, "Chuckri can handle his kid the way he wants. We may not agree with it but it isn't our place to get into his business. And getting in his business would be tangling ourselves up into what we are trying to break away from."

I sighed not real satisfied with Thor's answer. "I suppose. It just seems he is creating a problem where there doesn't need to be one. David is getting old enough that he needs to understand the why behind being obedient and not just that he has to."

Thor chuffed a laugh and said, "I take it you were stubborn when you were David's age."

I poked him in the ribs just because and then said, "No. I would obey Dad just because he was my dad and because it was the rules I was raised in. But it was a lot easier to obey when I understood why he asked me to do something even if I didn't agree with it or had my own ideas. It also made me feel like Dad thought I had a brain in my head which made me feel … I don't know … better about it all and stuff. Sorta like he respected me as a person and expected me to be a thinking kind of person."

"Yeah, my old man was the same. My mom not so much. Her parents not at all. But the fact is Hon sometimes in this life you just have to obey whether you know why or not; the why comes afterwards. David has been … uh …"

"Testing his boundaries?" I grinned.

"Being a pain in the #$," he responded in his particular way.

"Thor …"

"Call me on being vulgar or don't Hon … but that's what David has been for the last few days. He's mad that he was taken off the horses and put onto minding the flocks more. He was getting too big headed and bossy with the younger kids and had started to mouth off to the older ones too. He's getting jerked back in line."

"Oh. Well why didn't you say that in the first place?"

Thor just shook his head in the dark and laughed quietly before distracting us both with a completely different activity. We both had the 0300 watch which was actually a short watch since we were on the road to Clarksville proper by 0600.

We skipped going into the heart of Clarksville and I was glad as there was still a smoky smell on the early morning breeze to go with the burned out structures we saw on the perimeter of the city. Before I had a chance to ask one of our escorts said, "Pockets of the city are even worse than what you are seeing here. Some of the old timers that are left tell us that stories of Clarksville during the Civil War report the same kind of city-wide destruction. I've been stationed here a while … support for the 101st Airborne … and knew that the city had its share of crap heads but what hit us from Nashville is what caused all the problems."

Thor asked, "Did you have time to evac most of the resources that were stationed here?"

"Classified info." Then the guy he was riding with said, "Let's just say we had what we needed to defend the base and then retake Clarksville. The city has been turned back over to the local civilian population but we maintain a healthy perimeter around the reservation and our supply lines. We occasionally provide support to the city when requested but we try and stay out of their business and ask them to stay out of ours."

I thought that was an odd way of putting it but Thor gave me a look that said not to pursue it. After lunch we got off of the Ft. Campbell Parkway and onto a road called Tiny Town that gave me the fits. It was one of those Twilight Zone moments and for some reason I couldn't get it out of my head. When Thor looked at me, asking silently what was wrong, I couldn't really answer him with anything that would have made sense. He just rolled his eyes and told me to stop fooling around and stay alert. I didn't know how to explain what I found so funny about it all – especially when there wasn't really anything that was funny – so I just took the rebuff in stride and tried to do as I was told.

At the state line our escort said, "This is where we leave you. Head straight on up Pembroke Road and you'll dead end into the community you are heading towards. You may not be met with a lot of friendly chatter; the community has gotten a little closed off in the last couple of months, but proof that your friends here own their land should at least get you in."

After they turned away I asked, "You think they are going to set anyone to watch us as we drive away?"

Alfonso answered, "Probably already have look outs in place." Turning to Thor he asked, "Is that why you told him you were going to try and check up on your friend?"

"Yeah. No sense causing problems when we don't have to." But as we got to his friends' place it was obvious that no one had been home for a long time though they might have been in the beginning of it all. The windows of the farmhouse were mostly boarded over though it apparently didn't do any good as there was significant fire damage showing through the house's roof.

"Thor …"

"Stay here," he told me gruffly.

Thor looked around before going out to the barn and then coming back and calling me to pull the wagon around. "Looks like Herb, or at least some members of his family, made it out and moved on someplace else."

"How do you know?"

"His stuff is gone."

I said, trying not to hurt his feelings about his friend still being alive, "It could have been salvagers."

"Maybe … but I doubt it. A salvager would have taken everything and none of my stuff was touched which means that someone knew that it didn't belong to the family."

I climbed down from the wagon seat and looked down into a hole that Thor had uncovered. "It was originally a root cellar that got dug out to be a storm cellar. Herb turned it into a storage bay and built the barn around it. It usually has a car parked over it … old Model T Ford … that he was forever tinkering with. He must have put this hay on the floor after moving or using the Model T for something else. He … or someone … even left a wind up flashlight on the stairs."

Sure enough several storage trunks and ammo boxes were stacked in the far corner of the dry hole in the ground. "Did you friend leave you a letter or anything to let you know what happened?"

"No. That was never Herb's way. He'd be the type to figure the fact that he left my stuff in place was enough to pass on whatever he wanted to pass on."

That was a definitely a guy thing I suppose. As we drug out the trunks and boxes and stacked them above ground I could see that there really wasn't much though they were heavy. I also realized that we were officially maxed out for space and weight in the wagon so from here on out if I wanted to add something I'd have to be willing to give up something first … or in the case of any food stuffs we'd need to eat it up before restocking.

It was too late in the day to really go much farther so we set up camp right there. I was off watch rotation that night and it gave me time to repack the wagon. Thor grumbled a little bit but I looked at him and he understood he'd run into one of my non-negotiables. I like being organized, it makes me feel less clumsy and awkward, and spend a lot of time at it though I might go so far as to agree with Thor that I do it almost too much, wasting almost as much time as I save in the long run.

While everyone else was taking advantage of the little extra down time I had a blast with the thin PVC pipe that I found in the loft of the barn. I bent it over and attached it to the wagon walls and then took the camouflage tarp that we'd been using as a ground cover and wa-la … a modern version of a Conestoga Wagon. Ok, maybe not a Conestoga but I did create a more than passable covered wagon. The only problem was that the tarp made an awful crinkling noise that bothered the horses.

"Oh bother, be super sensitive then and spoil all my fun!" I said all cranky.

"Who the Sam Hill are you talking to?" Thor asked as he came over to check into the mess I was making.

"The horses. They don't like the tarp."

"I'm not sure I like it either. Cuts down on visibility."

I just gave him a look. "Do you want me to go all hormonal on you? I spent hours trying to make this work."

Thor's eyebrows shot up into his hair line. "Don't be grumpy Hon."

"I'm not grumpy. I'm just tired of the sun beating down on me like a hammer all day long and then having to worry if the sun isn't beating down is it going to rain and get all of our stuff wet. And even if it doesn't actually rain the dew has been making a mess out of everything. I found mildew on one of the clothes bags when I was cleaning it out just now."

He gave me a funny look. "You one of those women who are bears about spring cleaning aren't you."

"Yeah, and fall cleaning too, and don't you forget it. My grandmothers … and Mom too … would spin in their graves if I didn't take care of things the right way. Now here, help me get this stupid tarp down before that dang ol' horse decides to kick. He's already given it one try and I'm not in the mood for any more."

"Relax Hon, he's just tired of being in the traces."

I snapped, "Well so am I. For every mile forward it feels like we are being held back two. I want to get some place so we can get to the next place. And I'm just tired of all the looks and questions and …"

"Whao, what's all this?" Thor asked trying to put his arms around me.

"Nothin'," I groused.

"You and your 'nothings'. Now tell me before I get hormonal on you."

I sighed knowing I'd probably led the conversation this direction subconsciously. I shook my head, "Thor I don't mean to complain. At least I don't think I do. I just … I like the other women, I really do. They just keep asking questions and trying to give me advice and it is starting to wear on my nerves … and confuse me which is even dumber."

"Yeah, I'd kinda noticed that you seemed to have a good time with them back in Dover but the last couple of days you seem to be staying away."

I finally relaxed as he held me in a casual hug that let me lean against him. It seemed to take the weight off of me both figuratively and literally. "It's … it's just girl stuff."

After a moment Thor asked, "You under the same heat that Delia is getting?"

"And Markrid and Elsapet. But they seem to enjoy it, Delia too. I don't. Our business is our business and we'll figure it out. I'm afraid they are going to say something to you and … and …"

"And what?"

I felt really stupid saying it. "You'll run off. I mean, not run exactly but …" I sighed not knowing quite how to say what I was feeling.

"You want a wedding," he said, but I could hear the complete lack of emotion in his voice.

"Not exactly. I want to be with you and I want it to be right. I want … want words said between us but I don't know if I need someone to say words over us exactly. I'm … I'm not sure I ever expected to have the white dress, flowers, and the whole nine yards even if maybe I fanaticized about it a little. On the other hand, I'm not sure it makes that much sense now. Does it?"

He grunted which really wasn't an answer.

"Just forget about it Thor. My issue, not yours. You've got the patience of Job and I swear I don't mean to be a tease."

He finally did smile. "How many times do I have to tell you that I like torturing myself."

I wasn't buying it. "You can smile all you want to Thor but I know one of this days I'm going to have to pay the piper. I just want to feel like … like …" I shrugged. "I just want it to be right, not just the physical stuff that I don't worry about at all 'cause you've proved to me enough that we are compatible that way … it's all the head and heart stuff that is giving me heart burn. I trust you and I want to be with you. I … Oh forget it … I'm just talking myself in circles again. I wish they'd just leave me alone and stop pushing. The more they push – although I know they mean well – the more it makes me feel like what we are doing is dirty or something."

He stiffened up at that. "Oh don't Thor," I told him grabbing him in a tight hug. "I told you, it's my problem and not anything you've done. You aren't making me do anything I don't want to and you take no for an answer a lot better than I should probably expect, especially after all this time."

Uncle Bedros picked that moment to come over and ask Thor for some help and I pushed off of him and pushed him in that direction and went back to taking down the tarp and folding it away. I hadn't been completely honest with Thor. I did want something, some special day to remember that said this is the day we started the rest of our lives together. I wanted an anniversary to celebrate. But life had changed so much. I wasn't getting a church wedding like little girls fantasize about. It didn't look like I was getting any kind of wedding and I was pretty sure I could live with that, but it didn't stop it from bothering me when the women were egging me on about "bringing Thor up to scratch."

I put it out of my mind, knowing I wasn't going to suddenly come to some magic resolution, and finished packing up the wagon. And no, I didn't get nosey and open up Thor's boxes. I figured if and when he wanted me to know what was in them he'd tell me himself.

By the time he was finished and it had gotten dark I had our little personal camp all set up and even managed to surprise him with a bit of "coffee." I dry roasted some beet root and did the same with some chicory and dandelion root that I'd found and then ran the whole mess through the percolator. Thor was very cautious when he tried it but the surprised look on his face after the first sip told me it wasn't half bad.

"Little sweeter than true coffee but not bad Hon, not bad at all. Now if we could just find something that added the kick of caffeine …"

I'd added coffee to my list of things to keep an eye out for a long time ago but it was as scarce as hen's teeth as was granulated white sugar. I couldn't wait to get home to find out if all of my parents' supplies were still there. And thinking and working I completely put the other topic behind me. But Thor hadn't.

As he finished his cup of "coffee" he said, "Come here."

I was all prepared for a bit of snuggling as we climbed in our tent but instead he pulled me over to his side and said, "Hon … I think I understand what you've been going through with the Chuckri's."

"Oh … no … Joan didn't say anything did she?"

"Joan, Bedros … all of them have been teasing me a little. Bedros … well, he's been a little stronger than that but it hadn't bothered me until you said something."

"Thor …"

"No, let me finish. What you and I have, I consider it the real deal and forever. You've told me you feel the same way." I nodded. "My reasons for holding off I've already told you and I've been relieved you haven't made it any harder by yanking my chain or tempting me too much. But if you really want a wedding I'll get Bedros to … to say some words over us. Will that make you feel better?"

I looked at this man and suddenly the last little bit fell into place. I smiled and it must have been big enough for him to see because I guess he assumed that have Bedros saying something was what I wanted. I put my hand on his chest and said, "I don't need Bedros to say something because you just did."

"Huh?"

I laughed as quietly as my warm and fuzzy feelings would let me. "Oh Thor, I don't know why but you offering to get Bedros to do that is all I need. Yes, you've explained why you were waiting before but I guess I thought you were just saying that to be nice and give me time to figure things out but that's really how you feel isn't it? That you want us to be someplace settled before … you know."

He brushed a stray bit of hair out of my face, "Yeah, that's the way I feel."

"Well, I'm satisfied with that. I don't know why but … but if you don't mind waiting until we get to the farm … and … and we make a special day of it – even if it is just for the two of us – then I think that is all I need to make it feel right. I just couldn't stand the idea of being lackadaisical about it, like it wasn't important."

He scratched his whiskery chin and said, "I'm not sure I'll ever understand females but if that's what you want, what will make you feel 'right' about it, then that's what we'll do. We'll have us a nice dinner and some fun and then … well, we'll make it official." He kissed me and then quietly added, "I also like that 'being at peace' that you seem to find so important. It's giving me a lot to think about. Kinda feels like this is part of it."

"Oh Thor." That made me as happy as the other did and we both seemed to rest even better than we normally did.

And we needed it because the next day we were supposed to reach Fairview and the Chuckri's property and all the changes that entailed.


	55. Chapter 55

Chapter 55

The morning didn't start off very promising. "Hon … I think we may need your covered wagon idea after all."

Lovely. Grand. Just flaming great. Rain and pot holes just make life a whole version of interesting that I'd rather it didn't. I used to love rainy days but lately it seems that they provide more trouble than relief. Maybe if we didn't have to travel in it but we did so I had to force myself just to suck it up. The Pembroke Road may have been a nice little road at some point but it wasn't that way anymore. Grass and potholes revealed the road bed every few yards and the sides of the road were getting washed away. Tall, brown grass flanked the road on both sides. The rain only made it a sloppy version of what it used to be.

The horses balked at heading out in the weather but we managed to get a reasonably early start anyway and we did get on down the road. It was just after mid morning when we ran into our first we-don't-cotton-to-strangers-around-here interview after being stopped by a patrol of four men on horseback. Thor stayed out of it and let Chuckri and Uncle Bedros handle it since they were the ones that were going to have to live in the area. The men seemed to unruffle after Uncle Bedros finished speaking with them and then told the children loudly enough that I understood it to be for the benefit of the patrolmen, "Do not let yourselves or the animals wander off of the road. Our neighbors have just planted."

Of course in return the kids looked at him like he'd gone senile because every one of them knew better than to do something that rude in farm country. I had a hard time not smiling remembering when my dad had done the same thing to me a time or two. I finally asked him why he'd tell me something he knew doggone good and well I knew and answered me, "I know you've got sense Rocky girl. But apparently that man I was talking to doesn't. We save time and trouble by being more polite than he was." When I heard the kids grumbling I told them the same thing my dad told me and then gave them a wink. It seemed to soothe them some – they have a high regard for what Uncle Bedros thinks of them – and when it happened several times as the day wore on they understood and all answered politely with a "Yes sir" which seemed to add to the impression that the Chuckri's weren't an unruly outsider clan coming to muck the area up.

Lunch time the rain was still falling but it was more of an annoying drizzle than any kind of downpour. We stopped in a vacant field at the crossroads of Pembroke where a trading post had been set up. Again Thor let the Chuckri clan handle their business.

"You're being really helpful," Chuckri told him sarcastically afterwards.

Thor just looked at him. "What? The mantle of responsibility sitting a little heavy?"

Chuckri stared back as reality finally seemed to sink all the way in and said, "So you're really serious about leaving."

"I've never said anything other than that. Rochelle and I are going to head out as soon as we can. We still have a lot of miles to cover, nearly as many as it took to get you this far."

Chuckri sighed. "This isn't how I imagined it. I … I thought you would change your mind and stay … both of you."

"So I could continue being the bad guy while you got to start a new life?"

"Man, you know that's not what I mean," Chuckri said.

"Isn't it? That would be the end result anyway." Thor stopped and trying not to leave things on bad terms said, "This is your life. I'm glad you're getting it man, since it seems to be the one you want but it's not my life. I've found the rest of my life with Rochelle. I've supported you and your choices; not just yours but your family's too. Now I hope that you can support mine and let us part still friends."

I hadn't meant to eavesdrop and I left to get back in the wagon seat before I could hear anything bad about myself. You never hear anything good that way. People are too honest when they don't think you are around.

We started back out and Thor road close. "You heard?" he asked.

"Some of it. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to listen in," I apologized.

"I would have told you anyway. Chuckri will get over it; he'll have to. But for myself I think the sooner we head out the better. They keep trying to tangle us up."

"I know. Pilbos …"

"Pilbo Doughboy is going to get on my nerves yet."

I laughed, "Oh honestly. He just wants us to stay so that there is someone the same size as he is. That way he can share the work."

"Now that I believe though I'm not sure that is the only reason."

Knowing Pilbos managed to get under Thor's skin no matter what I said I let the subject go and returned to the original one. "I'm ready to go whenever you are. I've been looking at the maps and I'm feeling all turned around. My original plan had been to cut down to Knoxville then into Sieverville and into the Great Smoky Mountain National Park and pick up the Appalachian Trail at Newfound Gap but there is no way we will be able to do that with the wagon and I don't want to give it up now that we have the supplies to carry. You got any thoughts on a route?"

"Some but I'd prefer to hear yours first," he answered.

Trying to drive and think at the same time I told him, "Well, instead of dipping down into Tennessee again and adding those extra miles I was thinking to head as straight east as we could. Something along the lines of Fairview to Russellville then to Bowling Green then to the Cumberland Gap area and cross into Virginia via the Wilderness Road. That'll take us nearly all the way to Clinchport and from there well use the Jefferson National Forest and hopefully pick up a deer or boar – assuming everything isn't hunted over by then – and then a few more small jumps should put us in Damascus. The one thing I really don't like about this plan is that we'll have to use I81 and go through Bristol City and that whole corridor like that until we can get to the Jeb Stuart Highway."

"Mmm," he murmured. "That's about the way I read it too. Miss everything major until that point … if you don't count Bowling Green … and then run the risk of a mishap right as you are on your doorstep."

"Our doorstep," I corrected him. "I thought about caching stuff in the forest and hiking up Holston Lake and then the river but I can't see that makes much sense as we'd have to eventually come back for everything with the wagon anyway and risking it on mountain roads that could be iced over isn't my idea of a good time."

"Here's a compromise for you then. We'll follow the plan to outside of Bristol City, gather intel along the way, and the re-evaluate it before we finalize our route," Thor said, reaching over to get a damp lock of hair out of my face.

I told him, "I don't see any other way to go right now so long as you don't either. I hate to say it but I counted it up and I came up with three hundred and ninety miles. Even at twenty miles a day – and you know that isn't going to happen every day and we'll have weather to deal with a days to let the horses rest too – so adding in a little wiggle room we have another month ahead of us. That puts us home …"

"… late September or early October if nothing goes wrong," Thor finished for me. I nodded and Thor continued, "Later than we wanted to be but there shouldn't be snow yet."

"No, but as much as we're sweating right now you have to remember we'll be in the mountains. Beginning of October the highs average in the upper 60s and low 70s and down into the 30s and 40s at night. We usually get our first killing frost in October too. Neither one of us is dressed for that kind of weather. That's the other thing we're going to need to do; find you some long handle under gear and a good winter coat … and better footgear too. I can knit you some socks but not until we …"

Thor gave me a surprised look, "You can knit?!"

I rolled my eyes, "Trust me, my mother and grandmothers didn't give me a chance to do anything but learn all the arts of the homemaker. I can knit, crochet, quilt, tat … generally most of the sewing arts. Then there is food preservation and preparation … that was self defense so that I wouldn't have to listen to how much I ate. Gardening of anything that will grow goes with that too and so does animal husbandry. That doesn't even include all the stuff I learned to do with Dad. I can tinker like average but nothing like you or Alfonso. Forestry I learned from Dad's best friend who is … or was … a national park ranger."

We would have kept on but I caught sight of something above the trees. "What … on … earth? Did we take a wrong turn someplace?"

Ludvig laughed. "I thought the same thing the first time I came out here. Actually that is the Jefferson Davis monument, or as most people around here call it, the Jeff Davis monument. It is a local landmark."

"I should say so."

The closer we got the bigger the monument appeared and by the time we got at the foot of it I was as amazed as I had been the time I saw the Washington Monument in DC. But the monument didn't hold my attention for long because a contingent of men … some dress like modern farmers and some dressed really old fashioned … had come to meet the wagons.

"Excuse me," one of the older men in the front said to me.

"Just a minute sir. Mr. Chuckri will ride forward if you don't mind waiting," I told him with my best southern manners. I saw everyone of them trying not to give me the eyeball. I know I kind of stick out at the best of times but I hate it almost as much when people are having to force themselves to be polite and not stare. Give me a politely honest question over and embarrassed silence any day.

Thor must have sensed my unease because he came up beside our wagon while Uncle Bedros and Chuckri got off their mounts and walked towards the waiting men. Suddenly one of the old fashioned dressed men started nodding and then called a young man forward that had been waiting across the road and sent him running into the small store on the corner of the road. An elderly man came out walking with a cane. He was dressed as a modern farmer but he seemed to on good terms with the others.

Then Uncle Bedros and the elderly man both smiled and clasped hands and beamed at each other like old friends. As the men from the town relaxed so did the rest of us. We stood around waiting for nearly an hour while news was exchanged but eventually we did head out with the family's main wagon leading the way. Two more miles down the road and then we turned off onto a gravel road that was badly unkept as were the fields we passed beside. Then we came out of the overgrown area into a small farm yard. There was a modern house, an older house that was part cabin, and three trailers ranging in age from not too old to ancient but salvageable.

We spent two days helping the Chuckri's settle in and I was feeling like with every moment we stayed it was getting harder to get loose. The evening of our third night there as dinner was ending Thor stood up and told everyone, "I'm not much for long goodbyes. We all knew this day would have to come. Rochelle and I will be leaving at first light in the morning."

What a ruckus that created but it was true, everyone had known that we were bound to leave and that we really did need to leave sooner rather than later. The next day would be the first of September and already we could feel the change in the weather.


	56. Chapter 56

Chapter 56

Rain when we got there and rain when we left; not what I would call a fair view no matter what the town was called. I was so full of nervous anticipation that I had to physically hold myself in check so as to not hurt the feelings of any of those we were leaving behind.

There were handshakes, hugs, and not a few kisses as we finally manage to assure everyone that we were indeed set on our course and ready to leave. There were even a few, hurried gifts made to send with us. Uncle Bedros surprised us the most by making us a wooden chest. It was not as ornate as their antique one was but it was beautiful nonetheless and he had to have been working on it for some time.

It was Grandmother Chuckri however that nearly brought me to tears. She was such a tiny woman I had to bend way down to hear what she was saying but when I did she put her gnarled hands on either side of my face, gave me a kiss on both cheeks, and gave me her bridal blessing. Uncle Bedros looked slightly affronted but no matter what age or background a mother's certain look will always bring her child around. Uncle Bedros humphed a bit and said that it was a shame that we could not stay as they planned some nuptials after appropriate housing had been arranged but in the end he too gave us a blessing for a long and fruitful life together.

I bent slightly and gave a small peck to his check and whispered, "Thank you for talking to Thor. I trust him and we both are learning to fully trust in Him."

More throat clearing and a pleased but subdued look on the man's face told me he understood what I had tried to say in as few words as possible. He insisted on saying a prayer for a hedge of protection around us and then we were off as the sun rose in the east casting the only worry over our exit as I remember my grandmother's old saying, "Red sky at night is a sailor's delight, red sky at morning then sailors take warning." Wasn't a true red but it wasn't a friendly rose color either.

I drove the wagon and Thor road beside as we headed back to the crossroads which, upon turning east, would take us first to the small town of Elkton where a Mennonite family had agreed to sell us supplies for our journey and then on to the western outskirts of Russellville where we would spend our first night alone. I shivered in anticipation.

"You'll miss them." I made it a statement and not a question.

"Yeah," he sighed. "But it was time. I'd never have a life of my own – at least not one of my own choosing – and they'd never … never live up to their full potential if I hung around like a crutch for the rest of all our lives. We've travelled a lot of miles together through many different countries but eventually everyone needs to take that fork in the road that leads away from all the others."

I looked at him and then reached over and touched his shoulder. "No regrets? Are you sure? If … well … if you want …"

He smiled and shook his head. "No Ro-chelle. Even if we didn't have your farm …" He stopped at my raised eyebrow. "Even if we didn't have our farm I wouldn't … wouldn't want to stay here. This was Chuckri's dream. I want my own dream and it was never the one that they're living. A homestead hidden in the backwoods shared with a long legged beauty that is more than a match for me suits me much better."

Oh my goodness did that man know how to verbally sweep me off my feet and we road in silence until we saw a small knot of old-fashioned dressed men near an old storefront on the outskirts of Elkton. It was the man whom Thor had made the trade with.

Mr. Stoltzfus guided us to a pole barn so that we could load our supplies out of the rain. It was a little too interesting for my comfort to get everything packed into the wagon and stabilized but we had no choice. In addition to the potatoes, dried corn, and a few bushels of fresh produce Thor had purchased a five gallon pail of honey, some jars of jam, and several different jars of pickled items. He had also, unknown to me until that moment, purchased some bags of different meat cure and sausage seasonings.

"Not what you might call a traditional wedding gift but at least this should set your mind at ease that we'll have something to start with if your parents place is ransacked," he told me as he wiggled his nose after a large drop of water caught him off guard as it came off his hat.

"I just wish you hadn't felt the need to trade two of your knives to get it. That's your collection." I reached under the wagon seat and pulled out a hooded rain poncho and asked, "Now will you wear this? The rain is only getting worse."

He grumbled but put the poncho on but not without saying, "I don't like how this thing limits my visibility and hearing. And stop worrying about me trading those knives. I've got three more just like them. I can't even remember where I picked them all up at now. In the beginning I didn't use a lot of discretion as far as what I was collecting or considered whether I already had one. They've more than paid me back for storing them all these years." He adjusted his raingear so that it wouldn't flap in the wind and then told me, "If the weather gets much worse we may need to cut the day short."

The day didn't get any worse … but it didn't get any better either. It was full dark before we found an empty building to stay the night in. We were lucky that it had a working bay door and we just pulled the wagon in, horse and all, and then started a fire out of some charcoal and dry wood that I had thought to collect the evening before so that I could at least fix dinner.

"How much more wood do we have?" Thor asked.

"Enough for one regular or two small fires but I need to find some dry stuff as soon as possible. I'll make us some oatmeal in the thermos that will cook overnight and make an extra ration of coffee or tea …"

"Make it tea. I know you don't like coffee much and I might as well get used to doing without."

"Oh Thor …"

"Don't sweat it Hon. Coffee isn't the best for me anyway and …" He stopped with a bone popping stretch before continuing. "… I plan on being around as long as possible to enjoy the company of a certain beautiful woman that just about fell into my lap."

I laughed knowing he was just funning as we were both too tired and damp for any kind of temptation to really be all that tempting. It wasn't cold but the damp made it feel cooler than was comfortable so we made sure to throw blankets over both horses after making sure they were completely dry and then we crawled into our own nest to get some much needed rest.

"Thor?"

"Hmm?" he answered already half asleep. "You gonna be the kind of woman that wakes me up in the middle of the night to tell me you heard something?"

I answered his tired grin with one of my own. "No. Or at least I won't make it a habit. Just wanting to make sure that you threw the bolts on all of the doors."

"Yes dear but I'll double check 'em for the fourth time if it will make you feel better," he answered on a humorous sigh.

"You goof. It just feels … weird. I … I guess I'd gotten used to there being someone on guard duty all the time."

He sighed. "Me too. But this is our new reality and right now I think we can both sleep at the same time. It may not always be like that so let's take advantage of it … and get some sleep."

We tried, we really did. But about two in the morning the horses woke me up and I elbowed Thor who was awake as soon as I was getting out of the tent. "Ro …"

"Hear that wind? And the horses are starting to get jittery."

"Woman you are not going out in that," he said in a forbidding voice.

"Do I look crazy? I want to grab our packs and put them down in the oil changing bay. If we were at home you can bet we'd be heading for the storm cellar right now."

The wind moaned and howled for another two hours and a few times I worried the windows were going to blow out. It finally settled down into a normal storm again but I still felt on edge; the only reason we slept was because we were simply exhausted. The next day dawned unreasonably pretty, a sharp contrast to the day before. There was quite a bit of tree trash blown down all over which I happily picked up to put in the wood barrel. I also spied several wooden pallets in the back corner of the building and I broke them down and tied the wood under the tarp on the wagon bed.

Several of the buildings around the one we had spent the night in had window damage, especially the ones that fronted the main road. We weren't going through Russellville proper but to the south of it along Hwy 79. The damage was phenomenal. There were large trees down everywhere.

Thor and I stopped to help an elderly couple and their teenage grandchildren who were trying to clear a large tree away from their front gate. The patriarch said, "It's been rainy off and on for a month now. Good for the garden after last year's drought but the ground was just wet enough that this storm has laid over a lot of the damaged trees. See that old oak? The roots shoulda kept it well in the ground but you can see where the dry weather had killed off a lot of the small roots only leaving the mains ones to support it. Just weren't enough this time. We'll winter over on the wood from this tree and the one in the backyard too and have some left over. And thank you kindly for stopping."

His wife added, "Nice to know that some nice folks are making it in this strange world we're living in. Now you want to be careful if you are heading towards Bowling Green. Auburn ain't so bad though they'll shuffle you on through fast enough, but Bowling Green … I'd avoid it, go around it, or something. We lost a daughter and son in law there to some kind of sickness and there's too many that has got the can't-help-its that will take what's yours if you don't give it to 'em straight off. Strange stories you hear from people running from there and you don't know what to believe anymore."

Thor and I thanked them for the warning and after being "shuffled on through" every bit as fast as the old woman had predicted around Auburn we pulled off the road and took a good look at the map we had.

"Any particular reason you wanted to take the northern route before heading south to Beaumont?" Thor asked me.

"No particular reason, it just looked like the quickest. Have you seen a different route?"

"Yeah. It may be a few more miles, but not many; only a handful. But it keeps us on a nearly due east heading, we avoid Bowling Green and Glasgow and the everloving interstate which never was something I wanted to trek on again."

"Then let's do it."

"Hold up. I admit it sounds good and I'm grateful you are willing to just go along but we need to think this through. We are going to have to cross something called the Barren River Lake and that's going to be another bridge that we won't know if it is passable or not until we get there."

I stopped and gave his concerns due attention then said, "It won't be the first bridge, nor the last, we have to contend with to get home. If the bridge isn't good then maybe they'll have a ferry system up. I've been camping at Barren River Lake back in my scout days. It's a beautiful area. And if the bridge is out and there is no ferry I know there are a couple of roads we can take to circumnavigate the water. It will take us out of our way but no where nearly as bad as had we been unable to cross the Mississippi or Kentucky Lake where we wanted to."

"You sure about that road? It doesn't show any such thing on this map."

"They're all small roads, only something that would show up on a local map. If the bridge is out there should be plenty of bait and tackle shops around there, mom and pop tourist shops and the like, that will have simple maps we can follow if not a full blown fold out one."

"All right then, let's do it. But not tonight. I don't know about you but I wouldn't mind getting set up before the sun goes down. We'll turn off there at 240 and as soon as we find some place decent we'll hold up for the night."

Easier said than done. There was a lot of destruction and the few people we saw ran away before we could even let them know whether we were a threat to them or not. A dilapidated barn out back of a warehouse building was our protection from the elements. I kept the fire small by making a mini rocket stove and creating a veggie stir fry with wheat I had soaked all day.

"I want to set a guard tonight. Too many people too scared of their own shadows," Thor said thoughtfully.

"Yeah. They were worse than rabbits."

"Hon … just let me get a couple of hours then I'll take the rest of the night …"

I reached out and whacked him with a wooden spoon I had been putting back in the kitchen box. "We'll take turns same as always. Three on three off."

I got a patented wicked Thor grin and a wink I could see in the firelight. "Alright. Hopefully it won't always be like this. The sooner we are away from the bigger towns the better."

I was two hours into my watch when I heard something I hadn't heard in months.


	57. Chapter 57

Chapter 57

I gave it another minute and then decided to wake Thor just to be on the safe side.

"Thor," I whispered.

He woke as fast as he ever did and came over and then got a strange look on his face. "How long?"

"Five minutes maybe another two while I was trying to figure out if I was really hearing what I thought I was hearing."

"Been any closer than this?"

"Hard to say. The wind is blowing away from us so I'm not sure if the sound is being pushed away as well or what."

"Could also be that there is something between us and them." And as soon as he said that the sound was just suddenly there and louder.

"Get ready. And Rochelle … no hesitating if it comes down to it." I nodded and we went back to looking out the gaps in the wooden siding on the barn.

It didn't take long. Small headlights appeared and I counted nearly a dozen of them. There were two with dune buggy frames and the rest were two-wheeled. All of them looked old enough and beat up enough to have been built before I was born … maybe like from when my dad was a kid or something, some of them even older than that. You could hear some of the engines knocking and missing.

I thought for sure the motorcycles and two passenger buggies were heading straight for us but instead they started circling around the warehouse in front of our location, revving their engines menacingly. The horses didn't like the motor sounds but they had learned to behave as warhorses and shivered their flanks without sharing their displeasure vocally.

After a few minutes of revving engines and hooting and hollering and cat calling someone inside the warehouse finally broke when a Molotov cocktail was thrown into the old building.

"Oh God," I whispered.

"Easy," Thor whispered back, trying to bolster me.

People started pouring from the burning building like rats from a sinking ship. Thor and I had known there were people in the building but I'd had no idea there had been that many. Some of them were small children.

The motorcycle gang – I didn't know what else to call them – were running people down, knocking them down with nail-filled boards they were using as weapons, chasing them simply to cause fear, and worse. You could hear the maniacal laughter above the screams and cries of their victims.

"Interesting," Thor muttered.

"Excuse me?!"

Thor continued to look from our hidden spot. "No guns. They have motors but not guns. That make sense to you?"

"None of this makes sense," I complained nearly distraught. "Thor I can't stand this. There's little kids out there."

"OK then you tell me how we are supposed to shoot the idiots with wheels and not hit the crazies running around out there. They could overwhelm them with numbers but all they are doing is running around like a bunch of chickens with their heads cut off."

"But …"

"But me no buts woman. I don't like it either but we can't rescue people that aren't even trying to rescue themselves. Already been there, done that, have too many flaming t-shirts from it … and scars. Something else is going on here and I'm not getting involved until I know what it is."

It hurt so bad to watch that I had to treat it like a bad movie from the 70s. It was the only way I could cope with what I was witnessing. Then from out of nowhere in came about six really fast Asian style crotch rockets. I heard a lot more screaming and shouting but the fight seemed to suddenly be on between the crotch rockets and the older style motor bikes and passenger buggies and it looked like a fight that had been had before.

Not ten minutes later came a group of men on foot and while these didn't have motorized transportation they did have guns.

"Geez …," I breathed.

"Chaos. Why does it always have to be chaos," I heard Thor mutter irritably.

I wasn't sure what he meant but to say that the scene before us was chaotic wasn't a lie. The slow motors outnumbered the fast motors and they fought to a standstill and then turned in a "enemy of my enemy is my friend" type strategy to take on the men with the guns. And all around people were getting injured and a few were probably dead. And even crazier, and I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, I saw people risking everything to go out in the middle of the chaos to pilfer the dead and dying of anything valuable.

"Pick a shot. Pick it careful. Try and make sure that they don't come down here at the barn. We don't need anyone coming close out of curiosity. One round at a time only and try and make it occur during a barrage from the other shooters so that it blends in."

I almost didn't have time to do as Thor ordered and was just able to take down one of the crotch rocket riders. The rider wound up driving straight into the burning building as he lost control after my shot took him in the right shoulder. A few moments later there was a loud whoosh as the bike exploded in the intense heat of that inferno.

"Almost missed that one Hon. Be more careful."

Under other circumstances I might have had something to say to that but he was right and it was no time to let pride twist my knickers into a knot. My next shot took one of the buggy drivers out and the buggy ran into some bushes. I popped off another quick shot, hitting the engine, as I watched some people running towards it.

"Why?" was Thor's one word question.

"If these people are as … as … whatever they are as they appear they'd only use the buggy to turn into the thing they had feared. Better to simply take it out all together."

He grunted and then took a shot that hit another biker sending him into the hiding place of the men with the guns.

Thor gave the order to, "Hold off on any more. Let's see if the interplay changes any."

Since the gunmen didn't seem to care whether they hit a runner or a motorized rider it didn't surprise me any to see the gunmen start to intentionally pick off individuals from the original group of victims.

Thor whispered, "Watch to make sure that we don't have anyone heading this way. That fire is lighting up the sky and may spread before too long. Idiots. I'm surprised we haven't had anyone come back here yet as it is."

I thought for a second and then said, "Territory. This whole thing looks like a territory fight if you think about it."

"I think I see what you're saying but finish it."

"The … let's call them runners 'cause I don't know what else suits them better. The runners use the warehouse as their territory. They've probably been turned out of a lot of other places which is why their group is so big but in such a compact location. They are at the bottom of the local food chain. The second group – the slow bikers – came to agitate and maybe run them off. Maybe the slow bikers territory abuts this warehouse area or maybe they were looking to enlarge their territory."

I stopped to think as I watched the chaos continue only slightly abated and then continued. "Now the fast bikers heard that the slow bikers were getting up to something and they weren't going to let them have anything that they weren't going to try and take for themselves first, only they got to the game a little late and a little understaffed for what was occurring which is how the standoff happened. Enter the gunmen. I'm not sure where they fit in but maybe they just thought it was a good opportunity to have all of their quarry in one place where they could pick them off like fish in a barrel because normally they might be too fast to deal with in the city." I waited for Thor to say something.

Before he could the fight escalated again with all of the motor bikers, fast and slow, attacking the gunmen as one. Only two of the bikers fell and the gunmen were flushed from their hiding spot and now they were running with the original group of victims, never being allowed to slow down long enough to aim and get off a good shot in the night. The bikers concentrated on them with their chains and spiked boards and soon enough Thor said, "Again. I'm not sure I care who we hit this time around. Just don't make your fire too concentrated. We want to add to the confusion without getting noticed."

We'd pick off a biker giving the gunmen a chance to gain the upper hand and then we'd pick off a gunmen when they started hitting the non-bikers. Back and forth with no real timing to it and many minutes between shots so as not to bring attention to our location. The warehouse fire spread, but it spread forward pushed by the wind.

The fire also seemed to run the rest of the citizens of the booby hatch away. I was shivering in reaction. For some reason this was worse than any of the other battles I had ever been in. Thor seeing my reaction said, "Easy Hon. You'll find a direct confrontation always seems easier to deal with than one like this."

I asked him, "You've had to fight like this before? Fight but not ever really be part of the battle?"

He nodded soberly. "Sure. So have a great many soldiers, it's the nature of modern warfare. There were fewer and fewer opportunities for hand-to-hand combat. Everything was computer generated target numbers and strategies, long distance firing with smart bombs doing most of the work or things like road side bombs and traps doing the damage with the enemy long gone leaving you no one to shoot back at."

"I don't like this," I told him bluntly not caring if I sounded like a petulant child or not.

"No one does, not really. But you do what you have to Hon. Had we gotten any more involved in the altercation we would have been at too much risk. Better to do it this way and live to fight another day if necessary."

"I know … I really do Thor. It's no different than the backwoods fighting that I heard about growing up; the feuding, the ambushing, stuff like that. It was just … hard … to stand back and let things develop enough for us to do anything at all … and watch while people were getting hurt, while little children were getting hurt."

Thor reached over and pulled me into a one armed hug. "I'm sorry Hon. I just didn't feel the risk was worth it. I know it hurt your heart but war … and make no mistake this is a kind of war … is hard and my goal is to get us to the farm with our skin in one piece. If we can help along the way we will … but not at too great a risk to ourselves. We're two people, not Pershing's freaking army."

I nodded against his chest but was gladder than glad that I'd never experienced the kind of life that Thor had that had given him the ability to be that detached and … complaisant wasn't exactly the word I was looking for but it was near enough that made no difference.

I don't know how we managed it but we finished the night taking turns on watch and sleeping. I know that the only way I really slept was in Thor's arms. He slept beside me while I took my watch and his nearness steadied me.

It wasn't only the type of fight we had experienced that had thrown me off my stride; it was finally and completely realizing how alone we were. I thought about it as the night wore on and I was able to understand Thor's caution in how much we took on. We weren't invincible. We didn't have an endless supply of ammo. And we had only a few resources to get us where we were going and to set us up for winter in case everything was gone. It may have sounded selfish at first but we weren't the saviors of the world and we had to look out for ourselves and cover each others' backs because we were alone with no one else to count on for support or help if we got in a jam.

We left that little piece of hell before first light. Thor had already been out to check what bodies remained but the only thing he came back with was a shotgun and a bag of slugs to go with it. "All the other bodies have been stripped … down to the skin so you might want to avert your eyes, it ain't a pretty sight. They missed the gunmen under that last buggy you shot that wrapped that tree. Most of the machinery has already been stripped as well except for that one; too much of a mess to do anything with."

I kept my rifle handy as always but Thor seemed to take some comfort in adding that shotgun to the wagon seat. I tell you in all the trekking I had done to that point I'd never been so glad to shake the dust off my shoes from a place as the area around Bowling Green. All of the small towns along 240 looked the same as the area we'd just left; Woodburn, Allen Springs, and even south to Westfork to some extent. Breakfast that morning was apples and we also ate a raw produce lunch so that we didn't have to stop to do more than let the animals have a rest.

Looking around after getting back up into the wagon seat I said, "The exodus from the big cities must have been bad around here."

Thor nodded, "Likely, but what makes you say it in that particular way?"

I sighed and then tried to put my feelings into words. "This is … this is farm country Thor or at least the rural boonies. The terrain might be different from where I grew up by I'd stake a lot and say that the people themselves aren't that different. Might be a little more to ourselves in the mountains but farmers are farmers are farmers on a local level, even if their farm is more about animals than produce or tobacco versus moonshine. You see how people just close up and give us the eye as we go by? It would take a lot of hurt to get that level of reaction from that many people like this."

"Maybe but you gotta remember Hon that people are probably on the cusp of having to admit that no one is going to come help for a good long while. People are worried. They are counting every grain of rice or morsel of food they have. The medically weak and frail are starting to die off if they hadn't already. People are starting to look at themselves and see grasshoppers instead of ants. And they might have been surviving on hope up to this point but winter's coming and that has to be preying on the minds of those that have survived this far. Look how relieved Bedros' neighbors were to find he was prepared to be at least partially self-sufficient until spring time; they were even more willing to trade with him when they realized it wouldn't be going to waste."

"True. I did kinda think that was strange. But these folks aren't the only ones worrying about winter coming."

Thor shook his head, "Don't go there again Hon. We'll evaluate when we get to the farm and see what kind of damage there is to repair. Until then there isn't anything you can do."

"I'm not worried about the house so much," I told him, blithely ignoring his suggestion to change the subject. "I mean I am but if the house is uninhabitable there is the cabin. And if both are a lost cause then I know some caverns we can hole up in for the winter. It's the supplies …"

"Hon …"

I sighed, "Oh all right. But you know I'm right."

"Yes but that doesn't mean I think worrying it to death is going to make it any better. You're just winding yourself up again and there's no purpose to it." I relied on Thor's calm way of dealing with things quite a bit, it was one of the things that made him an outstanding leader, but it also made me want to throw a boot at his head now and again.

We couldn't find a barn or even a shed to stay in that night so we hunkered down in a stand of trees well off the road near a little creek. The babble of the water over the soft round pebbles in the creek bottom soothed me so that when I wasn't on watch I was able to get deeply enough to sleep that I felt somewhat rested the next morning.

Five miles down the road Scottsville was a pleasant surprise and we found we could have stayed the night in a local park set up for travelers. There were also bed and breakfast type places catering to the traveler.

"This is really strange," I told Thor out of the corner of my mouth as we passed through the historic down town district. "I haven't seen anything like this since we were out west."

Thor was very tense. I suppose it was the number of people in one place but nothing happened despite or maybe because everyone, including the women, walked around openly armed to the teeth. We left the city and continued on to Cedar Springs and then right up to the bridge over Barren River Lake. There were some local officials enforcing a toll for crossing the bridge … several people ahead of us turned away grumbling to go around the lake but we paid the toll willingly. The officials made sure all of the crossings were well ordered and safe.

One of the toll masters heard me say so to Thor who said, "We've heard about some of the troubles other places had so a bunch of us got together to make sure it didn't happen here. We fought off three attacks by some eco-terrorists but haven't seen any for … guess it's nearly two months now. We plan on shutting the bridge at the end of October, weather gets bad then and the bridge will ice over with little notice. You're actually getting good weather. If I might make a suggestion?"

Thor nodded noncommittally.

"You seem a nice enough couple so I'll tell you. My aunt and uncle run a tight ship over at the campground in the state park. They've got washing facilities and hot showers and they butchered a buffalo this morning and are having grilled steaks. There's a fee for the night and for the meal but it ain't bad, about like the toll. You could do worse for lodgings."

Thor got directions from the man and we continued to the park's entrance. "Thor, you aren't really thinking of stopping are you?"

"When's the last time you had steak?"

My mouth watered at the question. "That's not the point."

"Hon, consider this our honeymoon of sorts. I want to treat you to a steak dinner because who knows when we'll ever get another one. I've got the metal to do it now and want to do it. Besides, the campground might be a good place to get some information on what lies ahead of us. Information out of the east has been little and hard to come by." He gave me a wicked twinkle. "Now come on … you know you want to."

I was left laughing as we turned down the road that would lead to the first hot shower I had had in a good long time.


	58. Chapter 58

Chapter 58

The campground looked like I remembered yet at the same time it didn't. It was neat and tidy with each site having its own picnic table and fire ring. Some of the sites even have hand pumps and utility hook ups yet no RVs were in sight except for the one the campground hosts were living in. In fact there were no motorized vehicles in sight at all unless you counted a couple of solar charged golf carts whipping around faster than a man could jog.

I was deep into comparing my memories to the present and looking around but being careful when without warning two young kids ran out of the hedgerow and into the road and I had to pull on the reigns hard enough that my horse stood up in the traces. I hadn't been going fast but you just don't stop a large horse and a fully loaded wagon on a dime. Everything happened so quickly but I still remember everything in what my Dad called bright Technicolor. Thor rode quickly forward and grabbed the horse's lead to calm and control him. I saw that the kids were nearly under the hooves of my horse and were screaming in fear. Thor kept pulling the lead of the poor thing to try and keep him forced up on his hind legs to give the kids a chance to move but they had frozen. I tied off and jumped down and ran to snatch the kids and felt the brush of a hoof against the back of my shoulder.

I was still bent over breathing through the bruising pain when Thor reached me though the kids had jerked away from me and run as soon as I had them safe. I looked up through watery eyes to see a couple of older boys had come to hold our horses and calm them while a man and woman jumped out of one of the golf carts beside us. I was thinking we were dead meat 'cause we'd scared some of the local kids when I got an unexpected surprise.

"Oh my Dear, are you all right?!" the woman asked.

The man growled, "Of course she's not all right Tess. When I get my hands on those two kids they aren't going to be able to sit down for a week!"

Thor hadn't said a word but I could see his jaw clinched tight and the sweat beaded above his lip on a face paler than normal. I patted his arm and told him, "It's not bad, more the shock of it than anything. I'll have a bruise but nothing's broken."

"You can't know that," he rumbled, brushing the hair from my face where I'd lost my bandana in the tussle with the kids.

I snickered a little bit at my memories making all three of them give me a careful look. "Hon, you sure you didn't get kicked a little higher?"

I laughed a little harder jarring my arm. "Ow, stop making me laugh." Thor's surprised look told me he was getting more worried at my response, not less. "No, I didn't get kicked in the head. I've just been kicked before. Dang ol' mule at the fair. Someone set off a black cat a couple of stalls over from where I was brushing the tail of a horse that was about to be shown in the 4H competition and the nag blamed me for it. I was in a sling all spring."

"Rochelle …"

"Seriously Thor, I'm fine. Let me up so I can shake this off."

I stood up with his reluctant assistance and when I got fully upright the man and woman stared. The woman finally said, "Well my, aren't you two a matched pair. Let's get you to a site and take care of business so your man can fuss over you in private like he is obviously itching to."

The older boys had the horses well in hand and Thor and I thanked them. As one rushed off after saying "no problem mister" the other remained there looking shamefaced. "I owe you more, sir. Those two little kids are my brother and sister. I'm real sorry for the trouble they caused you."

Thor only rumbled but the man said, "Caleb I've cut your mom and dad all the slack I can. They've been warned to keep your siblings more under control and I know for a fact that those two are supposed to be at the school house … you too for that matter."

"Yes sir, Mr. Paris. When I noticed they'd run off again I told the teacher and he gave me permission to go find them and haul them back."

Mr. Paris sighed and shook his head. "I'd like another dozen like you son, and your oldest sister too, but your parents and other siblings …" He stopped, shaking his head. "It's out of my hands now son."

The boy was obviously scared but said, "Yes sir, I know."

I watched him walking away, shoulders bowed under the weight of what I didn't know, and felt bad for something that wasn't even my fault. Thor must have noticed and worrying that I could be a soft touch about things like that quickly turned the conversation in a different direction. It was abrupt enough that I have him the eye to tell him I may have been a soft touch but I wasn't stupid and would have kept my mouth shut. His look in turn told me, "yeah sure." Our silent exchange was so quick the man and woman guiding us never noticed as we walked our animals and wagon to a secluded site that Mr. Paris had led us to.

"This should do for you. It's been over two weeks since we've had horses on this site so the grass should be ready for cropping again. Hand pump works fine and the water is crystal clear but we still tell everyone to boil their water and to put it through a filter if you have it just to be on the safe side. Early on we had some folks get sick but we think it was from their lack of hygiene and bad food and not the water, but since you never can tell for sure we put the warning up anyway. A fire's worth of wood comes with the sight. The facilities still work but you're expected to clean up after yourself and Tess will give you what for if you don't. Showers are on the other side of that building. You'll get five gallons of hot water and five gallons of cold water each – both of which have already been through the boiling process. How you use 'em is up to you but that's all you get. Dinner's in an hour and a half and I'd be pleased if you'd sit with our family to make up for the trouble you've had."

I just sort of leaned against the picnic table, listening but not really participating in the book of do's and don'ts that the Paris couple was throwing at us. When they were finished Thor took care of the payment then insisted on setting up the tent so that he could look at my shoulder while still giving me some privacy.

"It's already bruising," he growled.

"It'll get uglier before it gets better and we both know it. Give me a couple of those Tylenol and tonight before bed I'll make some cowslip tea; I don't like to drink it on an empty stomach."

Thor shook his head, "You and your teas. Some of that stuff you've had me drink …" He shuddered comically but it let me know that his temper was back under control. I worried for a while that he was gonna go after the kids and take care of what Mr. Paris threatened to do to them. Thor was OK with little kids but, from bitter experience when he was off doing whatever it was he did as a job, he knew that even young children could be as dangerous as feral dogs and handled them accordingly.

We then took turns taking our showers which did as much for my shoulder as the Tylenol had. Afterwards we had a good laugh at ourselves. When he came back to camp after using the facilities Thor said, "I feel about ten pounds lighter and three shades brighter."

I chuckled at his tomfoolery and told him, "I'd forgotten what color my hair was under all that gray dust. My feet were so muddy by the time I washed off I had to step out of the shower to finish getting clean."

We both pulled out some of the last clean clothes that we had and I knew that on our next rest day, if at all possible, I was going to have to do some laundry. I was dreading having to go to bed in dirty linens but there wasn't any alternative and before that we had dinner to face.

I was tired and sore and my stomach was rubbing on my backbone but we had priorities that came first. "Is it safe to leave everything like this?" I asked worriedly.

"We'll take the horses and …"

A shuffling in the leaves on the road told us someone was coming. We looked up and saw the boy Caleb. "Um … mister? Mr. Paris said that if you want I can watch things for you while you go grab some food. We never have any trouble around here … the militia makes camp here at night so people leave us alone … but I'll groom your horses while you're gone if you want and if they'll let me."

Thor gave Caleb a thorough once over. "Boy … Caleb … if we come back and find out any of our gear is gone or has been tampered with …"

"Oh no sir. Mr. Paris would have our heads if we did that. See he's got a reputation and he aims to keep it so that the business will be here next season. That's the rules … and you don't break the rules around here if you want to stay." The last phrase was said quietly and sadly.

I couldn't help myself and I could tell Thor was thinking of pinching me when I asked, "Trouble at home?"

The boy looked at me startled. "Don't have a home no more. We used to live in Atlanta but we had to run from that place. It got bad real quick … the gangs and stuff. My grandmother is the one that got us out of there and when we found this place she helped start up the kitchen. But she had the blood pressure real bad and … and before the militia got everything under control there was an attack from some bad people and … and she died. They let us stay on and my sister Keisha and I like it, my folks not so much because …"

"I can guess. Some people just have problems with rules and stuff like that," I told him trying to give him a polite out.

He sighed, "Yeah. Anyway, you better go or you'll miss the salad and Mr. Paris and Aunt Tess are expecting you."

Thor gave the boy another look to put him on notice and then we started walking, following the directions we'd been given earlier. Thor was saying a whole lot of nothing and to forestall any more nothing I told him, "Yeah, I know. You think I'm a sucker. I wasn't offering to do anything for the kid I just felt the need to know his story."

"Fine but take it with a grain of salt until you get corroborating evidence," he muttered.

"I'm not stupid."

He sighed and then stopped me and turned me towards him being careful of my shoulder. "I wish you would stop saying that. I don't think you are stupid at all. Soft hearted, yes. Stupid, no."

I smiled and stood on tip toe and kissed his cheek. "I know that. It's just a saying Thor."

"Yeah well …" Now it was his turn to look uncomfortable. "Just … don't say it so much then. It bothers me. I don't want you to start thinking that I think you're stupid."

I looked at him and wanted to hold his hand as we walked but I knew that it was safer since I had a bum shoulder for a bit for him to have both hands free in case he needed to pull his gun. "Thor, you make me feel smarter than just about the whole world put together except for my parents who always gave me credit for having sense … and called me on it when I didn't act like I had any. Don't take this wrong but aren't you being just a little … um … sensitive about it? Like I said, it's just an old saying."

"Old saying or not I don't like it. My mom's dad …" He stopped, still not inclined to talk about that part of his life much.

"Oh. Well then if that's the case I'll try and be more careful. But Thor, I don't think you are anything like the way you've described that mean old man. Just because you're big like him and you might have had the same coloring as him. And just because you might have a hot temper on occasion … that doesn't mean that you're like him. You're mom just had problems that she couldn't seem to, or didn't want to bad enough, dig herself out of … stuff she'd had since even before you're dad and then you came along. We've all got baggage we carry around with us, your mom just had better than average reason for it. Now, if you want to talk about a hot temper, I've got a couple of cousins that have you beat hands down every day of the week. One of 'em got so hot so fast that he was literally spitting and foaming at the mouth while he was fighting this guy and when the cops got there they put one of them mouth guard things on him as he was transported to the hospital – he wasn't through being angry and kept on acting crazy even after the fight was over – and then he was stuck in the hospital while they tested him for rabies."

Thor just looked at me before asking incredulously, "Is that another one of your tall tales?"

"If I'm lying I'm dying. This was down in Florida and they Baker Acted him – threw him in the state hospital at Chattahoochee for three days until he cooled down. I warned you a while back that I've got some crazies running around in my family Thor … but it's too late for you. I've got you now and I'm not letting go," I told him as I stepped in front of him and got his attention real good.

"Play fair Rochelle," was all he said mildly but since he said it with a rather goofy male smile I knew that any "danger" was over with. Thor wasn't often touchy about things – he had amazingly thick skin about things that would have sent me over the falls in a barrel with no life preserver – but every so often I'd run up against something and when I did I wanted to make sure that he knew I was paying attention so that it wouldn't happen again … or at least not happen any more often than I could help.

It wasn't all one sided either. It was taking us time, but he was just as apt to smooth my feathers as I was to smooth his. We were learning how to have a real relationship and not just one based on how hot we could make each other; not just one based on adrenaline and necessity either.

We walked into the outdoor dining hall area in good spirits, the smell of grilled meat drawing us as fast as our feet could carry us. My eyes widened and my mouth started watering as soon as I saw the trestle tables of food.

Tess Paris saw us and called us over, "You'll sit with us won't you?" At Thor's nod she said, "Oh good, I'm so glad. And how's your shoulder?"

An older man nearby said, "Shoulder? Whose shoulder and why are you asking how it is?"

Tess smiled even as she looked at us and rolled her eyes. "Now Doc …"

"Don't you now Doc me young lady," which was very funny considering Tess was every bit of a woman pushing sixty which told you just how old Doc himself was. "I heard someone had gotten kicked by a horse."

The man's eyebrows were so white and bushy they reminded me of cotton boles but he wore a knit cap on his head because that hair was so thin his shiny scalp showed through. I smiled down at the stooped old man and said, "It's fine. It was a brush and not a solid kick or more than likely you'd have had to set the shoulder. Thank you for your concern though."

"Hmmm. A southern belle by your accent and manners … and one raised right or I miss my mark." He looked at me with piercing eyes that didn't reflect his age at all. "I would appreciate if you would allow me to look at the shoulder after you've finished this excellent meal that Mrs. Paris has prepared for us all."

Tess blushed and told him, "Oh Doc, you know good and well I only oversee things … that others do the cooking."

He finally took his eyes from me and smiled at her, making her blush even brighter, "Be that as it may, without your supervision a great many things would not occur around this place. And speaking of which, you must remember not to let yourself get run down again my dear. Several of the younger children are experiencing some kind of respiratory ailment and that is something that you do not need to contract yet again."

Mr. Paris chose that moment to come up and ask, "Are you flirting with my wife again?" His mock outrage was pretty comical.

Doc could give as good as he got and asked, "And what if I am?"

"Well, I'd say you had good taste that's what."

Tess rolled her eyes but only blushed that much harder and said, "Would you two behave. Thor and Rochelle are going to think you've lost your minds."

But Thor and I were smiling so she only shook her head and told us all to sit down so everyone could start eating. After sitting I was rather impressed to find that Doc stood up and offering a prayer before the food was actually served.

Tess said, "We used to do it buffet style but we found some were getting far more than their share. Now the food is served and we're careful to measure out equal portions for everyone. Tonight's a good night. Usually we have a soup or stew over a grain or rice. Tonight we are actually having what amounts to a banquet. We had to kill a buffalo that started charging the golf carts for some reason; we couldn't ignore him anymore and since the freezers and smoke house are already full to bursting we have to eat him up fresh. The migration is slowing down as well as people are trying to hunker in place and get ready for winter so there aren't as many people here as there've been in the past few months. Use to be nearly every site was filled, now we're lucky to have them half full. We're an east/west route, most of the remaining migration is heading south."

Thor asked, "Where do you come by your information?"

"My husband's nephew is in the local militia and works on the bridge and lake patrol and lets us know what the general trends are."

I nodded and Thor said, "Actually, I believe he may have been the one to recommend this place as a stopover."

"He's a good boy. Just wish we could convince him to settle down a bit. The winter is going to be lonely and hard for him at his parents' place with them gone now. How is your salad?"

I told her, "Delicious. What's this dressing?"

"It's a vinaigrette; an old family recipe. We used to have more variety but …" She shrugged and there wasn't more to be said. If you couldn't make it yourself it was pretty much gone, likely never to be seen again for a long time if ever.

After the salad came the steak and vegetables … chunks of seasoned potatoes, green beans and corn on the cob, and some pickled beets which are some of my favorite foods … and it was one of the best things I'd ever put in my mouth even though I'd never tasted buffalo before. "Where did the buffalo come from?"

Mr. Paris answered, "There is a really large herd, or was, at Kentucky Lake and then all those out west though I've heard that starving people have taken to just going after those like any other big game. Around here there was a trend to breeding them with cows to make beefalo though it was reduced to a hobby during the droughts. They are mostly animals of the flat plains but we got some that are beginning to show up in the foothills like that one that took a dislike to the golf carts. Stupid thing. I'd have left him to be fruitful and multiply but when you have a large freight train baring down on you, it's no longer the time to be nice. We can't afford to lose any of the carts either."

After the main course there was a bowl of apple cobbler with a dollop of real cream on top. I don't get full to bursting very often but that night I could have gone to sleep right in my chair and been mighty happy.

Thor and I were about to walk back to our camp – I'd already found out that a dinner pail had been sent out to Caleb so I didn't have to worry about that – when Doc reminded us that he wanted a word. I sighed at the look on Thor's face because it told me not to even think about trying to wiggle out of it.

Doc's place was actually one of the cabins near the parking lot and the small front room doubled as his "office." After a perfunctory exam he agreed with my assessment though he did caution me to be careful of lifting anything for about a week or two until the muscle had a chance to repair itself. "And you'll need to pick a different side to sleep on if you want to be able to move in the morning."

"Yes sir," I told him while I finished buttoning up. Thor had been there the whole time and I was a little embarrassed. That got a raised bushy eyebrow from Doc but he didn't comment on it.

"Now," he said. "The real reason I asked you to come see me." Thor didn't stiffen even though I did. Apparently he'd suspected what I hadn't. "You're a GWB."

I jumped to my feet and went to stand by Thor suddenly not knowing what to make of the situation. Thor asked, "And if she is?"

Instead of a direct answer he said, "Never had any children myself. My sisters had enough to populate the state and I didn't figure they needed my help any. I was rather fond of a couple of my nieces and nephews however and was rather proud when some of them entered the medical profession. One of my nieces was a researcher and her specialty was genetic anomalies. She wrote several papers on the subject, not a few of them on how society in general tended to fear the different they could see more than the different they couldn't see and how that affected patient treatment. She had a great deal of sympathy having been born with a cleft pallet."

He looked me up and down. "We used to have long discussions on the subject and over the years she told me of the pleasures she'd had interviewing several of the GWB children and observing them unnoticed. She was also outspoken in her dislike of the eco-terrorists that continued to persecute your group."

I asked, "What's her name? Maybe I remember her."

"It doesn't matter now. Three years ago they blew up her office after she spoke to Congress quite eloquently on how some of the laws that were in the pipeline were thinly disguised attempts by certain groups to deny the Constitutional rights of people who were born different."

My heart fell to my feet. "Oh. Doctor Muriel Jackson was your niece?"

I'd surprised him. "You knew her?"

"I met her a couple of times. My parents really didn't go in for all of that publicity stuff though so they never wanted me to participate in her studies. They tried to give me as normal a childhood as possible. My … my friend Jonathon and his family knew her quite well though. The Marshalls sponsored some of her work."

"Ah, that explains it. So my Dear, how are you doing? Really doing? I heard of San Francisco of course."

Thor and I gave him an edited version of my life since then. If he noticed that there were gaps in our story he didn't seem to mind. "Well my dear, I would like to offer a warning if I may. I would continue keeping your … condition … quiet. You are certainly no longer built quite as you were before." He laughed humorously. "None of us are. Circumstances dictate a differently lifestyle, certainly one less sedentary and less full of fatty commercial food products, than was seen in the last couple of generations. That said, you will always stand out and you appear to understand that. Having a gentleman that stands out at least as much at your side will make people less inclined to be suspicious but that doesn't mean that some won't be."

"Be suspicious of what?" Thor asked as if he understood that Doc was finally getting down to it.

"As Tess mentioned, we do get news though some of it is old by the time we get it. However, that doesn't mean that it isn't useful. There are still active cells of eco-terrorists involved in the Green War. You've seen that for yourself obviously. They are not as interconnected as they once were, and they've lost any technological advantage they once held, but that doesn't make them any less dangerous; they are deranged and dangerous people. Most of them remain in the west and northeast from what we hear but do not take anything for granted. I would be particularly careful the closer you get to your home. It would have been a known target and there may still be some of those people in the area."

I turned away from Thor and Doc and looked out the window and off into nothing. Every time I thought I could completely put that part of my life behind me it came roaring back. Thor and Doc talked quietly between themselves while I looked out into the fading light.

Doc got my attention by saying, "I'm sorry to be the barer of such poor news child."

I shook my head, "It's not your fault. And honestly, I'd rather know than not. Better to be aware of the possibilities than to completely walk into something blind."

We took our leave and finally got going back to our campsite.

"You OK Hon?"

"I will be. This doesn't change your mind does it? About the farm?"

He shook his head, "No. Definitely not. It does mean that we need to make a real effort to use as many of the less travelled roads as possible. It is even more important for us to avoid the cities as well."

"Yeah."

We walked back to camp, thanked Caleb who the quickly scampered off home before full dark came. "Who's the sucker now?" I asked Thor having seen his sleight of hand and the two silver coins he'd passed the boy.

He ignored my jab and said, "Paris said his family would definitely be evicted by the end of the week. The committee that provides what little governance that goes on around here had already given them three warnings but they met and agreed to offer to let Caleb and his older sister stay if someone would sponsor them. The Paris's have agreed but only if the kids want it; they won't force them to stay against their will."

"But?"

"Caleb's old man had done time and his mom … don't even ask what she used to do for a … er … living. There are eight kids. Caleb and his sister are the only two that act like they are worth something, the rest apparently aren't worth a plug nickel. Paris tried to reward their initiative but the parents took every little bit the kids brought in for themselves."

"Then why give him silver?"

"He can use it however he wants, even as a way to buy his ol' man off if need be though I doubt it will come to that. I met a few of those council men on my side of the table. They aren't bad but they'll be as hard as necessary and if the kids want to stay the parents won't have a whole lot to say about it. The family will be turned over to the militia and they'll be duck walked as far away as necessary and put on a watch list."

"Harsh," I said.

"Necessary," Thor rebutted.

I fixed myself a cup of cowslip tea for my throbbing shoulder that had begun to dampen the pleasure of the day and then got ready for bed. Thor banked the fire so I'd have something to cook over in the morning and after securing the horses and wagon more time crawled into then tent with me.

"It's going to be OK, Hon. I won't let those ! #$%&! anywhere near you."

I gave him a slight smile in the dark, a little drowsy from the tea and good food. "I know. It's not that, not really."

"Then what is it?"

I wasn't sure how to say it. "It seems like I can't escape the past. Some of it I don't want to and that's fine but some of it … some of it I'd just as soon never have to hear about or think about ever again."

Thor kissed me and said, "I know that feeling. But Hon, think of it like this … your past is what in part at least made you who you are today. Without that past you'd be a completely different person. And we may never have met, never have fallen in love. Would you risk changing that to lose your past?"

I hugged him, "Not when you put it like that, not for all the tea in China. I just wish … wish that my past wouldn't drag you down with me."

"You don't drag me down. I feel lighter than I have in a long time."

I chuckled, "That's just the shower you took."

He snorted, "Hmmm. Funny. But I'm serious. We'll get through this Ro-chelle. Just like we've gotten through everything else. Now let's get some sleep. Tomorrow is a long day and I have a feeling that it isn't going to be a pleasant for you and that shoulder."

Thor insisted on rolling one of our blankets and putting it like a bumper so that I couldn't easily turn over onto my back in my sleep. I felt silly but at the same time grateful for his attention. As I finally began to relax enough to doze I prayed that we were up for whatever challenges lay ahead of us in the coming days.


	59. Chapter 59

Chapter 59

The next morning was a glorious morning but I felt anything but. First thing I got a real good look at as my eyes cleared was a large hand with two little capsules in it and another equally large hand holding a steaming cup of tea.

"I love you. I adore you." I took the Tylenol and washed them down with the tea, not caring how hot it was. "First chance I get I'll prove it by ravishing your body."

Thor's deep chuckle tickled my ears and my insides. "Hold onto that thought Hon, we've got a lot of miles to cover today. I've managed to shave a few miles off the route but we are still going to need to do twenty if we are to make it to Sulphur Lick."

I looked at him and asked, "Sulphur Lick? I know that name. Why do I know that name?"

"It was one of the possible routes we discussed," he answered.

"No. I know it from something else." The fog was slowly clearing. "Oh good gravy, I remember now. The van broke down there. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a tire shop open in those parts on Sunday? Everyone wanted to know why we weren't in church?" I chuckled a little but it wasn't a nice laugh.

"Humph, something tells me it wasn't funny even if you are laughing," Thor said as we started breaking the last of the camp down and stowing it in the wagon.

"Actually the people in the area were really nice but there was some kind of travelling revival group that overheard what I was from some of the other kids and seemed to think that I needed to prove I wasn't a demon or something similar. They were praying in a group off to the side. I hate to be embarrassed and I didn't handle it too cool."

Thor's raised eyebrow encouraged me to finish the story. Embarrassed I nevertheless complied. "They kept praying for my soul and I finally had enough and told them that my soul was none of their business and that it belonged to God and not to them thank you very much and then walked off in a huff to the lady's room at the stop-n-shop and slammed the door so hard you could have probably heard it in Tompkinsville."

"Sounds like you showed some restraint to me," he said grunting as he tied the last thing in place and I took the biscuits and baked apples off the coals where he'd left them to cook.

"I was fourteen at the time and Dad wasn't too happy."

"Why?!" Thor wanted to know.

"Oh, it wasn't because I'd gotten upset so much as how I'd handled it. You have to understand that sort of thing … well, not that exactly but similarly stupid stuff … happened pretty regularly. I normally handled it much better if I wasn't able to out and out ignore whoever was making a donkey's behind of themselves. I also broke some cardinal scouting rules, one of which is you go nowhere without a buddy; and some of the Scout Laws too. As the crew leader he couldn't show me any favoritism so I got KP that whole week." I sighed. "I deserved it. It wasn't what they'd said so much as the fact that I was irritable about a few other things that had happened on that trip and when the adults started talking at me without Dad or one of the other adults from our crew being there I should have gone straight to them instead of trying to handle it myself. Basically I'd never given the adults a chance to step in during a situation that was more appropriate for them to handle. I didn't do anything but make it worse and I was wearing my Venture uniform at the time too."

Thor shook his head. "I suppose. If I'd been there …"

I did laugh at that. "If you'd been there my dad would probably have locked me in the house until I turned forty-two. You have rascal written all over you." The Tylenol had started to work so as I stepped into his arms I didn't even wince as I tilted my head for a kiss.

"You're starting to get a little mischievous Ms. Charbonneau. Now behave and stop distracting me or we'll never get out of here."

I laughed again but did as he asked and reminded myself not to be a tease no matter how fun it was. It wasn't fair to hold Thor to his promise if I was going to intentionally make it hard on him. We finished eating and the last of the cooking gear was cool enough to pack away after Thor hitched the horse to the wagon and put the saddle on his. That's when I got my first inkling of how rough the day was going to be.

I reached up and grabbed the wagon seat to pull myself up without thinking and nearly wound up on the red clay dust of the ground.

"Hon?!"

"Blast it!" I gasped. "Stupid, stupid, stupid."

"Hey now," he said.

I looked at him and said, "Well what would you call it? I completely forgot having to favor my shoulder. Dumb mistake." As soon as I got my breath I said, "Give me a boost?"

"You sure you're fit for this?" he asked with some concern.

"Yeah. We may need to stop at lunch and let me fix some more cowslip tea … the extra biscuits you made will at least give me something to have on my stomach for that … and tomorrow might be a little rough but I'll make it assuming we don't run into any trouble."

"If you get feeling bad you let me know. We don't absolutely have to make it to Sulphur Lick today. We aren't exactly on a must do schedule."

"I know," I said. "But we both know we need to get while the getting is good."

He nodded his head and after one last look around camp he mounted his trusty steed and we headed towards the park entrance. We said goodbye to Mr. Paris and Tess and Doc hobbled over and in the act of reaching up and shaking my hand goodbye passed me a small packet."

In a tired voice he told me, "Take them for I have an idea you'll welcome them tonight and tomorrow. Take one and if it isn't strong enough take another. If one winds up more than enough then split the next one in half." When I tried to object he said, "Take them in remembrance of my niece. It's given me a chance to honor her memory in a way I hadn't before." With another sigh he added, "And my arthritis is telling me we've got some cooler and damper weather on the way. If it doesn't slow you down you'll still be sore enough to make it unpleasant."

And with that he turned a walked away. We finally got going and headed southeast following 87. After a few miles I finally settled so that I could bounce with the wagon rather than against it.

"You OK?" Thor asked.

"Fine. Just getting the rhythm of things," I told him.

He nodded and we didn't talk for a while as we both had to navigate an increasingly busy rode. I asked Thor, "What's with all the traffic? I thought we'd be able to avoid this."

"As soon as we get to 678 and turn off it will get better. They said all of the roads south were busy and so they are."

We did get to 678 and when we turned off the traffic was noticeably less and then gradually faded to nothing. Thor relaxed and before long we were both in better moods though I was grateful to stop for lunch when we did. As soon as the tea started to work I was able to relax even more. Thor surprised me by saying out of the blue, "I wouldn't have minded having a boy like Caleb along."

"No?"

"No. We'd often have a couple of boys trailing the crew willing to help out for a little attention of a few pennies though Caleb was a little older than those boys were."

"He wouldn't have wanted to leave his sister I don't think."

"No and we might be able to stretch our supplies for one but not for two. Plus I just didn't want trouble from their parents and you know there would have been some."

I nodded and sighed. "I hope they find their way. I expect there are a lot of kids like that out there." My memories of the kids now in Delia's care were a little sharp. I never regretted that they had taken to her but part of me still managed to be a little jealous when I wasn't thinking logically.

After lunch we continued on the road that angled northeast and finally, after dark, found an old and abandoned barn to sleep in for the night. The hay that was left had an unpleasant sour smell to it and we tied the horses so they wouldn't be tempted to test their luck.

The next morning was considerably cooler than any we'd experienced but still within normal range though I could tell that Thor was suffering for lack of a heavier coat. I had an idea how to temporarily address the problem but it required destroying one of our blankets.

When I told Thor he laughed, "Actually it isn't a bad idea at that though I'm not too fond of ponchos. When you cut it just make sure I've got full movement for a rifle. And don't even think about putting any fringe on it."

I promised no fringe and then we headed off into the damp and foggy morning, turning north again towards a town called Beaumont. We didn't make it that far having misjudged the distance and we had to stay in a little town called Waterview. It was a little town that if you blinked you would have missed it but it seemed to be the gateway towards Burkesville and I could feel the elevation increasing. The road map said it was a scenic byway and I could believe it though I was so sore and tired that night that I couldn't really admire it.

It was a bad night for both Thor and I. Despite the pills that Doc had given me I hurt so bad I was sick to my stomach and could barely eat the dinner I fixed. Thor offered to cook but pride wouldn't let me let him do it since he was already doing just about everything else including dealing with the cranky and tired ponies.

At midnight Thor made me take the last two pills just so I would sleep and sleep I most definitely finally did. The next thing I remember was light in my face and a tremendous need to find some privacy so I could take care of the call of nature. The problem was when I tried to roll over my shoulder just about made me have an accident right then and there.

"Thor!"

I didn't mean to but I must have freaked him out a bit because he practically tore the tent down getting to me.

"Rochelle?!"

"Oh geez Thor, just help me up and then get out of my way," I cried in embarrassment.

When I was finished I didn't want to come out of the bushes. I really wanted to slink away and bury myself. "Hon?" I heard him call.

"Don't Thor. Please. I … I …"

"Rochelle if you don't come out right now I'm coming in."

I reluctantly left the bushes. I expected Thor to make some sarcastic or over the top male type remark. Instead he said, "You all right?"

I mumbled, "Yeah."

"Rochelle … Hon …"

"Don't laugh. I think I'll just about die if you do," I told him feeling like a complete fool.

He shook his head and slowly and carefully came all the way up to me and rubbed my good shoulder. "Do I look like I'm laughing? Obviously you've never woke up after a three day drunk and realized that nature will have its way whether you expect it to or not. Or gotten blown up and been stuck in bed with nothing but a bunch of unsympathetic nurses that don't speak English and in fact were probably kin to the Marquis de Sade."

"Huh?" His references were flying way over my head.

He laughed quietly, shook his head and then said, "Never mind. I just mean I've been there Hon, that's all. And please don't be embarrassed about it. You've seen me when I was in pretty bad shape."

"That was different. You were really injured."

He snorted, "That's not the point. The fact is really injured or not you saw me when I wasn't capable of taking care of all my own … er … needs. We're supposed to be able to take care of each other and sometimes that is going to be delving into the extremely personal and private side of things."

I wasn't sure I even wanted to think about it but I was just about too weak to do much more than teeter. "Whoa!" Thor said as I nearly toppled. "What's all this?"

Unable to open my eyes without feeling like I was going to puke because things were spinning I said, "Sometimes … sometimes I react to meds funny. Two pills might have been half a pill too much."

"Maybe … or maybe it's the pills, not eating, and that tea you've been drinking so much of. I'm thinking if you were taking the pills maybe you should have laid off the tea. Come on and lay back down."

"Gotta get up. We've got …"

"Hon, in the condition you're in right now we ain't gotta anything. If I fix you a place in the wagon you think you can ride there and finish sleeping this off? There's no fresh water around here and if you're gonna be sick I'd rather have some so you could at least clean up with."

I groaned at the very idea of the swaying of the wagon but knew that Thor wouldn't have mentioned it if he didn't think it was important. "Sure. Sure … I'll …" Only I forgot what I had meant to say.

"Ohhhh Kaaaay, you sit right here. Don't try and move and let me get things situated."

I don't even remember climbing into the wagon. The swaying would wake me up every so often as I began to be able to string two thoughts together successfully and I realized he must have attached the horses as a team. Nobody liked it … not horse nor man … and I listened to all three curse at each other and complain most of the rest of the day.

I was semi conscious by the time we got to this place called Snow that wasn't too far from one of the fingers of Lake Cumberland but Thor wouldn't let me do anything but drink some broth and crawl in bed and go back to sleep. I woke up the next morning in just about the same physical condition, scrambling out of the tent and waking Thor in the process but not caring in the least I was in such a hurry.

"Feeling better?"

"Yes," I told him only slightly less embarrassed that the previous day. "At least my brain doesn't feel like a plate of fried mush. I missed everything." I didn't mean to sound petulant but even I could hear it in my voice.

"Not everything," Thor assured me. "Think you are up to driving the wagon today? Your shoulder better?"

"Better yes, but don't ask me to move too fast. I still feel like I've got my feet stuck in cold molasses even if my brain is warming up."

"Good, I don't think the horses could take another day of their togetherness. So long as they aren't harnessed together they are best friends but put them in the traces together and they act like a Shiite and Sunni fighting over the Order of Succession."

I snorted since he knew I understood just how outrageous he was being. "That's bad all right." I sighed and the said, "I'm sorry I was so out of it Thor. It hasn't been fair to you at all."

"Who cares about fair? I'm just glad you're better. It was my idea for you to take both of those pills at one time." And I could see from his face that he really did feel bad about that.

"Don't Thor. I'm a big girl and could have said no. But from here on out I think I'll just stick with my teas and my Tylenol if you don't mind."

He kissed the top of my head and as dawn finally broke we had a quick breakfast and then packed up yet again to move on. I was putting some on relatively cleaner clothes since I'd been wearing the ones I was in for over twenty-four hours straight and asked, "What was the road like yesterday? I was awake off and on but never long enough for it to make much of an impression on me except for the quiet. Reminded me of some of those roads out west."

Thor nodded, "And you'd be about right. I saw two riders yesterday and both kept their distance. There may have been some foot traffic in the area but not on 90. Burkesville was a ghost town though you could tell it had been ransacked. Had to backtrack to get around some junk that had been thrown in the road. I saw evidence of a few fires but nothing beyond the usual and mild. Beyond that there isn't much to tell."

I asked, "What about today? From Snow where did you want to head?"

"I'd like to try to make Monticello by night if not before. It's a bigger place than I wanted to stay but we can't avoid them all. I'd like to have someone look at your shoulder."

"Thor," I said not the least bit amused.

"Don't Thor me woman. A quarter of your back looks like the spreading sunrise."

"That's just because … you know how bad bruises do. They just sort of spread as the body tries to reabsorb everything. It hurts a lot less. And so long as I move slow I've got full rotation of the shoulder."

I was demonstrating that very thing when he said, "Button them buttons and stop trying to distract me. If we run across any medico or the like I'm going to have my way and that's final."

I very nearly stuck my tongue out at him when he walked away leaving me to finish "buttoning them buttons" but I thought better of it when he gave me the eye like he knew exactly what I was thinking. Climbing into the wagon was a lot easier than it had been for days and I munched a couple of apples through the morning which seemed to make me feel even better. I guess part of my problem had been lack of food on my stomach.

The road was a glorious drive through the Cumberland Mountains and I told Thor he was getting a preview of what he was going to see the closer we got to the farm. That day was as uneventful as the next and it was like God was giving us a reprieve after all the troubled we'd had day in and day out for a while.

There were people in Monticello – we could see bonfires here and there from our vantage point inside one of the old building that lines the turn offs to Lake Cumberland – but we didn't appear to have anything to worry about. Thor said he even saw a couple getting water from the same stream as him but no one did anything more than nod to each other before heading back to their respective camps.

"That's … that's weird."

"Why?" Thor wanted to know.

"People … I don't know … usually like to talk."

He shrugged, "Might be that folks are too tired to talk or they're just talked out. Now why don't you come here and let me look at that bruise again."

Something in his voice had me looking at him closely while I stirred our pot of soup. "Hmmm. I don't think it's the bruise you are wanting to get a look at so I'll stay right here but thank you kindly."

"Aw now, no need to be like that," he said in completely false brokenheartedness.

I nearly snorted a laugh into the soup pot. "You're in a good mood all of a sudden."

He leaned back obviously having never been too serious about looking to begin with. But his next words were. "Just glad to see you're feeling better Hon. Didn't realize how much I would miss your chatter … or even getting you to talk to me at all. Don't do it again, I nearly went into a decline."

I shook my head, "You're too big to go into a decline. Here," I said handing him a bowl. "It's hot so blow on it this time and you won't take the hair off your tongue."

"Then stop cooking so good and I won't feel the need to rush a bite to my mouth."

All I could do was shake my head and hand him a canteen to put the fire in his mouth out when he did it anyway despite my warnings to the contrary. That night I think we both finally fell asleep wishing the miles away until we could reach the farm.


	60. Chapter 60

Chapter 60

Monticello, Kentucky was one of the biggest cities we'd been through in a while. Their green population sign said nearly six thousand people lived there. Another sign said it was the houseboat manufacturing capital of the world. Despite what both of those things said there was nowhere near that number of people from what we could see. There were people there and that's a fact, but not six thousand of them. And the people we did see tended to keep to themselves. Not what you would call unfriendly but definitely not looking to make our acquaintance either.

We did get a nod from a couple of older men that looked like they were walking to a local fishing site but that didn't come until after I had chased a piece of litter that was blowing down the road. Habit for me I suppose – always leaving a place cleaner than you find it – but I guess it meant something to those men because the nods were of approval. It made me want to make double sure that we cleaned up our camp before heading out.

We seemed to be the only ones on the road until the tolling of a bell reminded me it was Sunday. "Thor, let's get out of here."

He looked at me and asked, "What's got you spooked?"

"Nothing … well, not exactly. I just don't want to have any run ins with folks who might be on their way to church."

He looked at me harder and said, "I thought you liked all of that stuff."

"It isn't 'that stuff' and I do like it but not knowing how the people are that are left I'd rather not risk any kind of confrontation in case we are breaking some local rules."

Thor reminded me, "We just saw two men going fishing. I don't think they string you up around here for missing a church meeting."

I shrugged. "Maybe not but I've just got the heebie jeebies a bit so humor me and let's head on out, OK?"

I couldn't explain myself too well to Thor. I was pretty sure it didn't have anything to do with us not having a piece of paper to prove we were committed but it could have had something to do with the run in I'd had with those travelling revivalists years before. Either way I thought I'd rather be safe than sorry and avoid the locals. Doc must have spooked me more than I wanted to admit.

We took this little road called 92 out of Monticello and headed east-southeast and around lunch time we passed through this dead little town called Coopersville. It was a place that had seen something but I'm not quite sure what. The intersection that made up the town was full of saw horses and the remains of equipment with the US federal government insignia on them.

"What do you think happened here? I don't think we've seen anything like this." I asked Thor.

Thor was keeping a close eye out. "Don't touch anything. Don't let the horses drink the water or chew on anything. Let's pass on through as quick as possible."

I did as he asked and he didn't relax until we got to the other side of the town and away for a bit. "Thor?"

"The Feds should have come back for their equipment. Local salvagers should have taken the equipment even if the Feds forgot to get it. What it was doing just laying there piled up like that with not a soul in sight is beyond me Hon; just no sense in taking any chances. It is awful quiet down through here, quiet in a way that doesn't feel natural."

"Hmm, it is quiet but there are places in the mountains that feel like this. I always just put it down to the ghosts of time."

That got a cough of unexpected laughter from him. "What?!"

"Don't laugh. People where I'm from are a superstition bunch but we aren't that backwards. Ghosts of time is just … I don't know how to explain it exactly. Haven't you ever been to some house that is just really, really old … or maybe to a battle field or some other historic place … and get this … this feeling? Like if you just unfocused your eyes a little and listened really, really good you could hear the past, maybe see something that went on before?"

I expected him to laugh again but he didn't. "There are places over in the Middle East that …" He stopped for a moment thinking. "You ever known anyone that visited Jerusalem?"

"We had someone come speak at the church once that had. He and his wife did a Power Point show for the youth group. They talked about how it felt to walk in some of the same places Jesus would have walked."

Thor nodded. "Jerusalem can be a dangerous place and we were running guard duty for some visiting dignitaries but we had a lot of down time and I played tourist. There is a feeling to those places. I've been to Baghdad, Ephesus, Cairo, lots of places like that. I never wanted to call them haunted but they do seem to exude something. If you want to call it the ghosts of time then … then I guess that's good enough. I just don't think this quiet is that kind of quiet. Sure, there is an underlying natural silence to this area but there's something else here. Can't you feel it?"

I don't know whether I was being susceptible or not but I did start to feel like we were being watched. It wasn't until we entered the Daniel Boone National Forest that the feeling began to subside.

"What was that?" I asked Thor quietly as we made camp off the highway near a little town called Yamacraw.

"Somebody interested in who we were or who would have encouraged us to move along if we had thought of staying."

"Well aren't you all calm and junk," I said a little snarkily.

He smiled at me which only irritated me more. "If they'd meant to hurt us Hon they would have done more than watch from a distance. Hand me that line."

I handed him the rope to secure the tent and said, "I'm not a coward Thor."

He gave me an incredulous look, "I never said you were. But I also know you don't like strangers looking at you and that is part of your reaction to what was happening. I don't get a feeling that we're still being watched so try and relax."

"Relax he says," came out of my mouth with a huge eye roll.

Thor had finished the last few things that needed to be done to finish securing our camp and I'd finished cleaning the last dish from dinner. Thor sat down and leaned against a rock and patted the ground beside him and grinning wickedly said, "Bet I can help you relax."

I couldn't help it, I laughed. "That wouldn't relax me, that would wind me up."

He only grinned that much more and foolish me I went and sat beside him anyway. He put his arm around me and said, "Seriously Hon, I think we're OK here."

"You still want to sleep in shifts," I reminded him.

He shrugged and grinned and said, "Well, it never hurts to make sure."

There wasn't any tomfoolery that night, just sitting close and enjoying each other in a way that we hadn't felt free to do when we had been part of the much larger caravan. We didn't do a lot of talking but what there was was substantive.

"Where're the maps?" I asked Thor.

"Why? Isn't it a little late?"

"I want to count up the miles until we reach Damascus."

"A little over two hundred miles assuming we don't have to do much backtracking," Thor tossed at me nonchalantly.

I sat up real quick. "Really?! Is that all?!"

He grabbed me and pulled me back into his arms. "Little excited aren't we? Am I going to have to tie you down to keep you from floating away?"

I poked him in the ribs. "At twenty miles a day that's … that's … Thor … less than two weeks and we'll be home!" I did feel like floating at the very thought.

Thor sighed. "Easy there Hon. Once we get into the mountains we aren't going to be making twenty miles a day, especially at some of those grades it shows on the maps. Too many of those six, seven, and eight percent grades and we'll be lucky to make ten a day. And we need to think about a rest day pretty chop chop. The horses need it and we do too. You've got dark circles under your eyes."

"Oh."

"Yeah … oh. But …"

"But?" I asked, holding out some hope.

"But I think it is certainly possible for us to get where we're going before the middle of October; less than a month so long as we don't run into any problems."

"Geez."

He brushed a lock of hair out of my eyes. "It's not that bad. We've been making good time."

"Oh I know. I'm just anxious. We are going to need the time to get situated before the really cold weather sets in. And we have got to get you some warm clothes. I want to start keeping an eye out for more clothes for you. I could kick myself for not doing it sooner, there just never seemed to be the time. And now with winter approaching everyone is going to be looking for warm clothes and it's just going to get harder."

He didn't deny that we had a problem but he said, "What about you?"

I rolled my eyes. "I've got more clothes than I want to even think about. Mom was a seamstress by vocation and … and … hey," I ended quietly.

"And what has suddenly started rolling around in that head of yours Ms. Charbonneau 'cause I know that look."

I grinned at him in the dark. "Mom used to do some sewing for a cousin of my dad's who lived in Abingdon. I bet the patterns are still around in her files. Claude was built sorta like you but not quite so tall. I bet with a little adjusting in the length the patterns would work for you though." I shook my head to clear it. "But I still would like to get you some good long johns and a good winter coat. I can knit or crochet some stuff – and I will if I have to – but some of that fancy gear that was on the market would be nice for you to have. Good trail gear would be nice too and we both need as many spare boots as we can get. Maybe we should take some time to salvage before heading straight to the farm."

"Sweetheart, you've got steam coming out of your ears. Slow down, we aren't even in Virginia yet."

"Don't be a goof," I told him absently while I pulled out my notebook and started making notes of potential places to look for what Thor and I needed.

"Speaking of salvage," Thor said quietly. "I had a dream last night."

"Hmmm?" After what he said finally penetrated I looked at him and asked, "A dream? From the look on your face that must have been some dream."

He nodded seriously but didn't seem to know exactly how to explain. He finally sighed and just spit it out. "You know I'll be … er … careful with you right?"

I just kind of looked at him not sure where he was going. He squirmed a little bit before being able to continue. "Babies. That's usually what comes from fooling around with no protection. I'll be careful but … well …"

I must have just sat there and looked at him for a full minute before getting up the courage to ask, "You … you don't want kids?"

"No! I mean yes, yes I do. I just mean … it's not like there's going to be a doctor around when it happens and … I've done a lot of things in my lifetime but deliver a baby hasn't been one of them. I'll be honest Rochelle, I think on it and all the spit evaporates out of my mouth."

I smiled, "Oh, is that all. Don't scare me like that. I'll have the baby at home that's all."

"That's all. That's all?!"

"Don't squeak Thor, it sounds funny coming out of a guy your size. What else can I do? I may rip your ears off if you get too close while I'm doing it but I figure if women have being giving birth in the bushes since the beginning of time I should be able to do it too." I shrugged, trying not to let him see that I was a whole lot more nervous about the prospect than I was letting on.

"What if the baby is … is big?"

"Big like me?" I asked a little defensively.

"Big like us," he corrected. "Neither one of us is what would be called average sized. Mom had to be cut to get me out."

"My mom too, but that was unusual circumstances and they didn't want her to even try. I'm not small like Mom is … was I mean. For all I know Thor …" I stopped, not even willing to voice my fears.

"What?"

"Never mind."

He sighed in exasperation. "Rochelle this better not be one of your nothings that mean anything but. Now what?"

I hemmed and hawed but finally told him, "What if I can't Thor?"

"Can't what?"

"Make babies. Will you …"

"Then we'll go out and adopt us one or a dozen. Don't go borrowing trouble." He hugged me and tried to comfort me.

"Well," I said trying to get my balance. "Either way that is some time off. But if we do have kids … the kind we make or the kind we adopt … most of the stuff for them is probably already in the attic or the basement storage. I know my old cradle and bed is and I know there is a trunk with a ton of clothes in it all wrapped up in cedar. Don't need a bottle 'cause there won't be any store bought formula. We'll have to figure something for diapers but the pioneers did it with next to nothing so I figure we'll manage. Everything else we'll figure as we go I expect."

He grinned and said, "Thank you."

"What for?" I asked confused at the sudden change in him.

"For not having hysterics. For not laughing at my concerns. For being prepared to do something concrete and constructive without throwing it all back in my lap. But mostly just for being you."

Well then we did get up to some tomfoolery but not much because it was getting late and we'd be taking turns on watch that night.

The next morning I more than agreed with Thor that we needed to find a place to stop for a day or two to rest but we wouldn't find it that day. The grades weren't too bad to Pine Knot, a town about the fifth of the size of Monticello, but they weren't that great either and by the time we made it to Creekmore it was already turning towards dusk and both man and beasts were too tired to do much but make camp out in the wooded area behind a small house off the highway and get some rest.

The next day we counted it up and we'd only made thirteen miles proving Thor's concern was valid with regard to not making as much time as we had up to that point it was just neither one of us had expected it to start happening quite so soon. That day was a bit better as we made 17 miles into Williamsburg and boy was Williamsburg a surprise.

We pulled into town and a man directed us to a large green space where a lot of other wagons and tents were set up. "You two must be here for the games. Good, we've lost most of the regulars that used to do it and those that are left are now the judges."

Thor gave me a look that said to let him lead things along. He turned to the man and very casually said, "Well, that's more than we've heard. Maybe we should just keep going then."

"What?! No, now don't do that. We really do need some more participants and they start tomorrow. Remember, participants get fed and winners do even better. I assume your woman …"

Thor said warningly, "I wouldn't assume anything if I were you."

"Huh? Oh, I didn't mean nothing by it. She's free to compete too if she likes but she'll have to take her chances just like everyone else. Check the roster at the camp and then get signed up as early as you can so we know how many we'll need to provide for."

In the day and age we suddenly found ourselves you didn't turn down a free meal and it turns out the games looked like they might be fun. Wrestling, wood chopping, races of all kinds, ax and knife throwing, horsemanship … reminded me a bit of the Highland Games.

"You up for this?" Thor whispered as I signed up for wood chopping and ax throwing.

I shrugged and said, "Why not? A few games ought to be fun. I don't want to do anything with the horses though and I won't sign up for any wrestling until I see the other competitors."

I heard a grumbling rumble which told me Thor wasn't too keen on the idea of me wrestling. "OK, I won't if you don't like it. My shoulder ought to be fine but then again the last thing I want is to twist it so soon after the other injury."

"Then should you be doing any of it?"

I smiled and reminded him, "It was my left shoulder Thor and I'm a righty. And besides, I'm in it for fun not necessarily to beat anyone's record."

The next rumble wasn't so grumbly which told me we'd struck a compromise we could both live with. Of course, life being what it is the next day didn't work out quite as planned.


	61. Chapter 61

Chapter 61

"I just don't like it Rochelle. What do you want me to say? I've already made my arguments and now I'm asking you nicely do to as I say."

I guess this point comes in every female's life at some point. It was easy to obey Dad … I mean he was my dad and all. It was easy to obey Coach because he was coach. And when I was just plain ol' Rocky, whether playing at being a guy or being my true female self, it was also pretty easy to obey Thor because he was the security boss, the most alpha of the . I haven't a clue though why now that I was Rochelle and his significant other it was so blasted hard to give in on this one thing. It really wasn't such a big thing but it was still bothering me. I was competitive and it really bothered me that I couldn't exploit that. On the other hand when it came down to priorities maintaining my relationship with Thor was way more important than the momentary satisfaction of winning some game.

"Fine," I told him but it wasn't exactly a graceful concession.

"Rochelle … Hon …"

"Just forget it Thor. I sort of understand it, I do. But on the other hand it burns my biscuits that I have to basically cower in fear."

He shook his head, "It's not cowering in fear to use good sense and …" I threw him an angry look. "OK, poor choice of words. It's strategy Hon. Right now there is a threat to your life and …"

"Thor there has been a threat to my life since before my birth. The doctors wanted my parents to terminate the pregnancy. They had me on a feeding tube in the beginning and people went to court to make the hospital remove it, luckily my metabolism stabilized and I was able to begin eating on my own. I've had all sorts of threats made against me for as long as I can remember. You can't imagine I've forgotten San Francisco have you?! But I never let it stop me from being … being a real person and participating in life around me. When I do that …" I stopped and said more quietly and calmly, "When I do that … let the greenies and eco-freaks completely manipulate my life … I've no longer got a life to live."

"You didn't tell me who you were in the beginning," he reminded me.

I put my hand on his arm to try and make him understand. "Thor that was about being female and had very, very little to do with being a GWB. I was more worried about what my fellow man would do to me because of my gender than what they would do if they found out I was a freak."

" #$% it, you aren't a freak! Stop saying things like that. You are a tall, strong, beautiful woman … my tall, strong, beautiful woman … and by God I am not going to let anyone take you from me."

I laughed a little carelessly and told him, "Look around Dude … you don't exactly see anyone queuing up for the privilege do you? Besides, you said that it was about me being a GWB and not about being female."

He crossed his arms and I could tell he was losing patience. "It's both. You heard what Doc said. And maybe I am being a chauvinist and a caveman about the whole thing but you knew that about me from the beginning."

I rolled my eyes and muttered, "That's certainly true." We gave each other dirty looks and then our lips twitched at the same moment. Blow up diverted but issue still present.

Thor drew me into his arms. "I know it's not fair. I know you can do this and make a good showing whether you win or not. I know that I'm not being completely reasonable. …. But the fact of the matter is I don't feel like being reasonable and I don't feel like being fair. I know I can't put you in a gilded cage and expect you not to rip the door off now and again and I know for a fact if our positions were reversed I would be less than pleasant about it. And ! #$ I was prepared for a real fight and to be honest I'm not sure I understand why I'm not getting one."

I sighed, "I'm not too sure that I understand why I'm not giving you one except that for me when I agreed to spend the rest of my life with you the honor and obey thing kinda got mixed up in there somewhere too." I shrugged before adding, "I trust you Thor. You've never given me a reason not to. I don't have to like it all the time but I've agreed to give you authority in my life and until you prove me to be a fool for doing it I'll go on trusting you and your judgment."

Thor's face went blank and he stepped back a couple of paces then scrubbed his face with one of his large hands. "Aw Hon, now I do feel like a heel."

"Hey, that's not what I meant," I said feeling a little trapped by my own words.

"I know." He worked the tension out of his shoulders and then said, "I'm sorry Rochelle. I wish … no I don't. I don't want you to play these games. I don't want you to make yourself a target anymore than you might already be. I don't want you to risk re-injuring that shoulder. But … I can't ask you to do something I'm not willing to do. Let's just pack up and leave."

"You were looking forward to it too," I said quietly, completely flummoxed.

"So were you. Let's just head out and …"

"No," I told him. "I'm a big girl Thor. And like I said, part of me does understand the logic behind your concerns. Nor can I complain about the potential danger the greenies represent with one side of my mouth and then with the other say and do things that only makes me a bigger target for them to notice. You play; the free food means we use less of our supplies … at least for a day or two. And if you win anything that'll be jelly in the doughnut."

He chuckled and shook his head. "Shouldn't that be icing on the cake?"

"I'm not in the mood for cake, I want doughnuts. Mom used to make really good homemade doughnuts and fritters and I've been hankering for some, especially her jelly doughnuts. She'd poke a hole in them and then use a pastry bag to fill them with creams and jellies and stuff like that."

Suddenly my chest got heavy and my eyes wanted to water and I turned away so that he couldn't see … but he did anyway. "You OK?" he asked softly after putting his arms around me from behind.

"I just keep running up on these things and suddenly it hits me all over again that I'll never see them. They aren't going to be there when we get home. I won't ever hear their voices again. Dad won't ever say good job and pat me on the back and Mom won't smile at me all soft and sweet. I won't ever hear them say I love you again." The tears fell anyway and I was unaccountably embarrassed by them. "I'm sorry … I'm just … just hormonal I guess."

Thor whispered, "You've got me."

I sniffled and wiped my eyes with the handkerchief he'd passed me and I told him honestly, "I know and it's brought me the kind of comfort I don't know if I can ever explain. I don't want you to ever feel that just because I miss my folks that somehow it's less important that you're with me 'cause that's totally not true. I'm not with you just because I'm not with my folks. Do you understand?"

I turned around in his arms to look in his face to make sure that he understood. His eyes were serious but he was smiling too. "Sure Hon."

We kissed a bit but only a bit. One I wasn't exactly feeling amorous and for two because the first game that Thor had signed up for was starting soon. It was the standing stone put.

The rocks being used were all roughly the same size, shape, and weight. Most were river rocks worn smooth and round by who knows how many years of being washed and tumbled by the Cumberland River, but a couple were made of dry granite whose black and white pattern used to remind me of the Dominique hens my great grandmother liked to raise for the county fair.

Thor didn't stand out from the competitors near as much as I thought he might. There was no one bigger but hardly any much smaller either. It tickled me for some reason that had to do with wondering if we were going to have a large brood and if we did what they might look like together in a group.

Most of the men, like Thor, had allowed their hair to grown below their collars and a beard to form. Some had obviously gone with this fashion for years as their braids and beards were long and well developed but some of them looked like they would be better off shaving the stringy things and starting over after giving the hair a chance to fill in the thin spots. Thor kept his trimmed back, though it was still long, for convenience since long hair and beards are dirt catchers as I was relearning the hard way. I mentioned cutting my hair again but decided against it when Thor went so far as to give me puppy dog eyes of all things. I told him that if I let my hair grow again then he was going to have to help me wash it. You can guess where his mind went then. Honestly. Men.

The object of the game was from a standing position the men were to "put" the rock as far as they could. It looked like the caveman version of the Olympic sport of shot put. Despite their similar sizes it became obvious from the first round that not all of the men were of equal strength, or maybe it was skill in that particular event. Thor wasn't getting knocked out but he wasn't the top scorer either; a red headed giant that seemed to be a local favorite was.

With each round the weight and size of the stone increased. Thor kept up and knowing what he'd done in the past I thought it strange that he wasn't doing better. My competitive personality was irked until I realized he really could have been doing better. It took me three rounds, almost the whole game, before I realized he was holding back intentionally. He wasn't winning because he chose not to win yet he was still putting a lot of pressure on the top players.

He came in second and I had to endure the woman beside me going ga-ga over the local guy and then she said, "Guess that big guy isn't so much after all. I knew Marcus would show him up. What do you think of that?" I had obviously been on Thor's cheer squad which had not made the little queen bee very happy.

"Oh probably about the same thing that you would think if someone said that about your man," I told her genially but my eyes said something a little more dangerous.

"Oh. … Oh!" and she decided to vacate the area when Thor came over and kissed me.

"Hmmm," was all I said with an upraised eyebrow.

A grin split his face when he realized I'd caught him out. When I shook my head and rolled my eyes at his tomfoolery he let out a loud belly laugh that got a lot of people's attention. Losers weren't often in that good of a mood but I could tell he'd just had fun playing against opponents that weren't push overs.

We went back to our camp so Thor could take a rest and change his soaking with sweat shirt but before long we went back to where they'd set up for the wrestling matches. Few of the men that had participated in the rock throwing were signed up for this one although a couple were, including the local favorite. I thought Thor was going to throw his matches again but he surprised me. The local guy went down in the third round and he and Thor never even touched the same ring. I felt free to whistle and hoot with complete abandon when he was declared the winner.

There was a lot of back pounding by the men and unnecessary attention by some of the local lasses before we were able to break off to let Thor go wash up again. "Whew, you are odiferous," I laughed.

That only made him growl playfully and chase me around a couple of the vendors' tables. "Sugar, if I had me a man like that I wouldn't be running from him," one of the little gray haired old ladies laughed.

"You hear? You're supposed to let me catch you," Thor said with a wicked grin.

"Uh huh … maybe in the end … but until then you'll need to work a little harder for the privilege if you please … and take a wash. You smell like an old boar hound that's rolled in something it shouldn't have." His obviously false outrage made us all laugh and we finally headed to camp in a straight line.

When we got there Thor flopped down on the tailgate of the wagon and said, "Hon, bring me a pitcher of water and some soap please."

"Oh Thor, I was just jokin'. You don't have to do this," I told him concerned that I'd gone too far in my playing.

He smiled and asked, "You mean I don't stink?"

"Well … you do … but everyone smells. Why be different?" I made a face because it was true. I tried to be upwind of people whenever possible and there was more than one reason why crowds just didn't do it for me anymore.

"You don't," Thor said.

"Don't what?"

"Stink."

"I'm a girl you goof."

Thor gave me the raised eyebrow. "Well … 'girl' … that you may be but I've seen you work up a good sweat too. And you don't stink."

"Honestly," I said, thoroughly embarrassed by the subject.

"I'm waiting. What's your secret?"

Blushing I told him, "Cornstarch, baking soda, and powdered rosemary."

He barked a laugh and asked, "What?!"

"Look, I haven't been able to use that aluminum based and perfumed junk from the stores for a long time. When I first played ball and … well, you know … I was sweating like one of the boys … and smelling like one of the boys too. My sweat glands worked overtime. And of course I was bigger and went through puberty early so everything was exaggerated. Some of the girls used to … make fun of me. I started carrying a stick of antiperspirant and deodorant in my purse and put it on every chance I got and developed some crazy sensitivity to the stuff. I would get these big, painful boils in my pits."

"Ouch," Thor said sympathetically. "I've had a few of those myself … from salt and from heat."

"Yeah, they ain't fun that's for sure. So anyway my grandmothers and Mom showed me what women used to do … keep your pits and the rest of your hot spots clean and be extra careful when your hormones are in overdrive … and I got to make my own special deodorant up. During the summer I used cornstarch to help beat heat rash, baking soda for odor, and rosemary because it fights bacteria which is really the smelly part of the equation. During the cooler months I'd use a wet deodorant made of witch hazel and glycerin with maybe a couple of drops of essential oil mixed in."

He looked intrigued, "Who woulda thunk it? Mouthwash for your pits."

I threw my hat at him and said, "Geez Louise, no one will ever complain that you're overly refined will they."

When he threatened to throw his smelly shirt on me I threatened to throw the pitcher of water on him and right as we were about to have a fun tussle a voice broke in, "Excuse me, I hope I'm not interrupting anything."

It was one of the judges from the wrestling match. "You forgot your prize." Two men were behind him, one carrying a hundred-pound bag of potatoes and the other a square bale of hay though it looked like poor quality stuff with lots of weeds mixed in.

The two men set their load down then they, the judge, and Thor began talking amongst themselves like I didn't even exist. Typical. But that was fine with me; I was still a little embarrassed to be caught acting the fool. Then I realized I would have to find places for both in our already loaded wagon. I looked at the wagon and then looked at the two additions and mentally groaned. I was wondering how many potatoes we could eat a day and just how angry my horse was going to be when he felt the added weight he was going to be asked to pull.

The next part was my fault and I admit it. I wasn't thinking, at least not about unintended consequences. I knew we needed to get going shortly because Thor was in the knife throwing competition and that was one I was eager to see as well as it would be going on at the same time as the ax and hatchet throwing competition. If I couldn't participate I at least wanted to watch. But before we could go the potatoes and hay would need to be put away. I picked up the sack of potatoes and put it on my shoulder and then grabbed the bale of hay with my free hand and walked to the wagon. I swung the potatoes into the back and secured them with the tarp then tied the hay bale onto the back of the wagon and hoped Thor's horse wouldn't take to nibbling on it too much.

Suddenly I realized it was real quiet and I turned around slowly. Thor looked resigned while the other three men just sort of stood there with their mouths hanging open.

Trying to save the situation I said, "What? You expected me just to leave something so valuable sitting in the dust? Do I look stupid to you?" I inwardly winced at having forgotten that Thor hated that phrase.

"Uh … uh … uh …," was all that came out of one guy's mouth.

The judge however was made of tougher stuff and said, "No ma'am and pardon us for staring. We … er … just aren't quite used to … um …"

Taking pity on him I said, "A farmer's daughter getting her chores done? Surely that can't be the case."

"Well … no … not … not exactly," the judge replied.

However, one of the other men was less circumspect about it. "My Lord woman … you part ox or somethin'?"

I stepped in front of Thor and pushed the other guy out of his rich just in time. Thor said, "You'll apologize to my wife or I'll rip your ! #$ head off."

"Thor!"

"No. I've had it," he said. "I'm getting sick and tired of people saying things like that just because you are a little bit of a tomboy."

What he'd said had me so startled I nearly couldn't play my part. "I'm no shrinking violet and if I feel I need to take up for myself I will. It's just a plain fact that people in our two families are big is all and that I was always more comfortable rough housing with my boy cousins than dreaming about prom dresses and such."

"Well If I had wanted a woman that I was afraid of breaking every time I wanted a little rough housing myself I would have picked a Barbie doll. As it is, it took me long enough to convince you I was serious and I'm not having …"

The man that had unwisely opened his mouth said, "Well, I apologize. Didn't have no call saying such a thing. Fact is my sister's a big girl and … well … I wouldn't want anyone saying words like that to her either."

I didn't know whether he was apologizing 'cause he really meant it or because Thor looked like Beelzebub and appeared ready to demonstrate he was still up for a little more wrestling. I put on my best southern belle and said, "Apology accepted. I'm sure it's just been quite a day for you gentleman and everyone could do with a bit of a break. Thor? Let me break out the little bit of cider we have left. Please?"

His eyes warned me I was going a little too far but his mouth also twitched a bit. "Humph. I supposed. I could use a drink myself but …"

"Oh I know, I know. No hard stuff for me under the circumstances." I rolled my eyes like I was used to his heavy handed male attitude and let the men think whatever they wanted to. I thought Thor was going to swallow his own teeth trying not to let his mouth fall open. Whatever he had been about to say it hadn't been that but I figured in for a penny in for a pound and this way I'd have an excuse for not participating in the games after all.

I pulled out the small ceramic jug that had the apple jack in it and it wasn't long before the three men were slapping Thor on the back and were great admirers of him, my unusual display completely forgotten.

After the men left full of good cheer I handed another t-shirt to Thor and said, "Oh brother, I thought they'd never leave. We're going to be late."

"Then don't be so hospitable next time though this time I think it was just right … Mrs. Thoresen."

Thor laughed when I turned bright red and ducked my head. "Give me a kiss … for luck?"

I gave him a kiss then told him, "You don't need luck. I've seen you play with those blades you pack around." He just grinned 'cause he knew how good he was.

We walked over and wound up being just in time. Thor wound up having to hold back a bit in the beginning but as men fell out of play it wound up being Thor against some rather dangerous looking men that weren't in the least been willing to be amused. They talked some trash and Thor became much less willing to hide his prowess.

One right after the other the bad mannered, foul mouthed cretins were knocked out of the running but I could see they were congregating on the side line getting more and more wound up.


	62. Chapter 62

Chapter 62

Then it was down to Thor and another guy who was sweating bullets. I didn't know whether he was sweating because of the competition or from the leather get up he was wearing. The thing is, if you look you can tell a poser from the real deal and this guy … he was the real deal. Then something else caught my attention on the opposite side of the competition area … new comers. Only, these guys weren't with the first ones, you could tell by the insignias. And they made the first group of baddies nervous and agitated.

I wasn't the only one that had noticed and I took a step back and tilted my head a bit so that I could hear what was being said by two of the game officials.

"Why couldn't they all have just died off?" the first one muttered.

"We wouldn't be that lucky," the other answered.

"Get the watchers ready, there's going to be trouble. I can feel it in my bones," ordered the first one.

"Already done. But think on this Bart, we ain't gotta handle them with kid gloves any more. We tried the live and let live way and they've thrown it back in our face. Now if they use anything approaching deadly force and it's not going to be a earthly judge they are standing before but the Heavenly One."

I sensed rather than saw the first one's nod while he said, "That's true, that's true. But I don't want no innocent bystanders hurt in the process."

"Looks like most of the people from around here have recognized the problem and are backing away slowly. The panic won't come unless there's trouble and that will mostly be from non-locals."

"Still …" I stopped listening. I'm sure that Thor was already aware of the situation but I wasn't going to just stand in the shadows and not do anything if it came down to it.

My hatchet was on my belt as was my Bowie as I'd dressed before Thor had made his decree. Neither one would appear to be much use in a battle but I also had my pistol, the wagon shotgun, and I was holding Thor's rifle as well. The problem lay in that my potential enemy was just as well armed and likely more experienced in fighting than I was. My size and strength was an asset if it came down to a one-on-one brawl but I was no more interested in getting a knife wound than one from a bullet.

While I was trying to keep myself positioned to cover Thor's back the two opposing groups of men were starting to crowd each other and in the process kept getting in my way. Then I heard a nasty female voice behind me say, "Your man is dog food."

The menace in that voice chilled me but it also hardened the last little bit of softness left in me. I couldn't afford to look away from the events unfolding in front of me so without turning around I calmly told her, "You or anyone else touch Thor and they're fertilizer."

"Thor? You ain't Buff's b! #$?" she asked surprised.

"Not this side of Hell's gate," I snorted, extremely affronted at the very idea.

"You and that other 'un huh?" the voice said less antagonistically.

"Yeah."

"Hate to be the one to tell you but you're about to be a widow. Buff don't take losing well at all." Of course she really didn't sound sorry to be the bearer of such news, actually seemed to be enjoying herself too much.

I snorted again at how cartoonish her behavior was. "Buff better find a brain. Thor's a professional and those other guys don't even start to compare. Warn your people to stay out of his way, 'specially that curly headed kid that looks like he might want to prove something. You guys are welcome to whatever's left."

"You're bragging awful big," she said obviously not knowing the truth when she heard it.

I shrugged and said, "Just keep on thinking that for as long as you can if it makes you feel better."

I could tell the rubber band was close to snapping and it irritated me that I had to split my attention between what was in front of me and the little trollop behind me. I didn't have long to wait for either one to finally snap. I felt the female behind me move at the same time as Buff's men rushed the field. I turned fast putting an elbow into her temple and grabbing her hand with the shank with my free hand. I'm not sure how much damage I had intended to do but my hand was bigger and stronger than hers and I basically crushed it and wrenched it all out of shape when I ripped the blade from her. She'd stupidly fashioned a weapon that was shaped a bit like brass knuckles; it had finger holes and a fold out blade like it came from some novelty shop. She fell to her knees stunned and keening in pain, cradling her bleeding appendage.

Chaos reigned as I looked around for Thor and saw him in a fight for his life. I was so done playing nice. The shotgun sprang into my hands like it had always been there and I pumped several rounds into the crowd of men whooping it up and cheering, thinning their ranks considerably.

Then I moved in and people were too close to use a gun effectively so I pulled the hatchet with one hand and the Bowie with the other. I wasn't out to kill anyone, but if they got in my way as I waded through the mass to get to Thor I wasn't above maiming them. I used the back of the heavy hatched and the butt of the Bowie when I could but it wasn't always possible. I heard more screaming than I care to remember.

I finally made it to Thor and we stood back to back. Sure enough that curly headed kid wanted to earn his colors and was aiming right for us. And just as surely as I had warned the woman that it was a bad idea to mess with Thor, the kid learned the same thing in double measures.

Obviously we weren't the only two fighting; it wasn't us against the golden horde or anything unbelievable like that but between the two of us we kept the ones after us at bay and then finally put enough of them down to turn the tide for ourselves and have them on the run. The locals were doing their own share of damage to the baddies. A few of the baddies gave up but many seemed intent on trying to escape or possibly regroup to come back in a more organized attack. That's when Thor took his rifle from me and put a period to the ones that got beyond the reach of the last local authorities.

It never ceased to surprise and amaze me for some reason just how good Thor was and to wonder yet again why this man picked me of all the women he could have had with so little effort. He managed the local authorities like he'd had a lot of practice at it, which he probably had considering his former job. He even managed the admiring looks from the local females without getting a big head which told me he had a lot of practice at that. It made me feel small to be so jealous but at the same time I knew Thor wasn't giving me any reason to feel that way. Maybe it was a reaction to the day's events, maybe I really was being hormonal, but either way I both wanted to get away from everyone including Thor yet I couldn't seem to get more than a couple of feet from him before I got the shakes.

There was clean up of course and Thor and I were part of the crews trying to put things to right since we'd helped to make a lot of the mess. Surprisingly few locals had sustained serious injury but they had a medical station set up and both of us visited it to get the cuts and bruises we'd sustained seen to and cleaned out; no sense taking chances … or using our own supplies when we didn't have to.

From town gossip we found out that the two groups of baddies were known in these parts. The local cops had been good about keeping them in check prior to that year but when things went south and so many law enforcement officers died in the following riots and sicknesses their membership grew and they started getting out of hand. The groups migrated through the area as they went in smaller and smaller circles gathering the fewer and fewer illegal products they generated in their backwoods drug labs, committing other heinous acts in the process.

One man whose brother had been a county deputy told us, "They started running out of supplies the same time the rest of us did. We thought it would stop giving them a reason to be violent and turn their energies to planting and growing real food instead of weed but it didn't. We even left them alone and agreed to 'legalize' all drugs and drug use with the thinking the violence and waste of manpower would stop for us. That didn't stop the violence either. Their drug trade was just an excuse. People like this … they never stop. At least not until someone plants them hard and deep."

One of the worst moments for me came when I heard they'd had to do several amputations from my shotgun blasts and also suspected they'd have to eventually amputate the hand of the woman that tried to stab me in the ribs. I hadn't been using slugs but at that range the violence of the blasts still could destroy bone and medical attention had returned to the era of the US Civil War "saw bones."

Thor's philosophy was pretty simple. "Today was war. They made a choice to become our enemy. They're responsible for the results. Our goal is survival and we have just as much right as they do to seek it."

I knew he was correct from a certain perspective but I also knew that I was a product of a war for all that it had been called a "Green War" and would never be able to ignore or take lightly the potential for unintended consequences no matter how valid my position from a human perspective. I would always question whether the end justifies the means. When I stand before God for the final judgment and answer for my works, how will He view what I've done and what I haven't done?

I knew I was saved, that wasn't one of the questions that ate at me on days like this. I had a problem with reconciling my chosen warrior lifestyle with what I thought should have been my choices if I was "Christian enough" starting all the way back when I fell in love with football. It became so much of my life I had to stop on occasion and evaluate my actions for a couple of different reasons. I'd learned to accept – well mostly – that I was born different. I'd learned to honestly concede that my gender sometimes came in conflict with my talents. I had to figure out what kind of example I was setting and how that affected my witness as a Christian.

Those questions continued to ring true with me. What I could never learn to be was complacent. Questions were as much of a natural part of me as my height was. It meant that sometimes I didn't fit, and could bring up uncomfortable issues. Sometimes though I knew I needlessly complicated things instead of just turning them over to God but I was still learning and figured I'd probably go on learning until I hit the Pearly Gates.

Thor and I had returned to camp to allow the last bit of adrenaline to drain away and to gather our thoughts when we found that he had been declared the winner of the competition by default even though the last round hadn't been played. I wondered how on earth people had even had time to consider the issue but I guess the games were really important to folks in those parts. The pig that was supposed to be the prize had been killed and all of the other prizes had already been presented so in place of the pig and because we took out a large number of the baddies after we were the victim of their unprovoked attack Thor was given the rights to first dibs on the belongings of the two gangs.

There was absolutely no way we could have hauled off everything in the two camps. There was absolutely no way would I have wanted to either. When we visited the two places the next day, after the locations had been "acquired" from a couple of the surviving gang members, it was like walking into a dump or junk yard. I'd been around some trashy home sites but never anything quite like we found. All I could say is that they'd at least been smart enough to dig their cat holes well away from camp and their water source.

I left it up to Thor to go through the weapons and ammo and other weaponry since that was his specialty. Most of the good weapons had been taken off of the gang members when they were captures but there were still some in the camp. I looked through everything else and it was certainly a motley collection of junk. I set aside the little bit of sealed food there was and turned all of the open bags and containers over to the town reps that had come with us. I also grabbed a second coffee percolator, an extra cast iron skillet and one of the biggest cast iron dutchies that I had ever seen. It dwarfed what we had in the wagon and was even bigger than the biggest one that we used when we had field hands during harvest time. The thing almost looked like a cauldron when the lid was off and no one seemed to have any idea where it could have come from.

If I'd had more time and space I might have taken a few other things for barter or trading but those two commodities were in short supply. That isn't to say we didn't get some treasures. Thor was happy to take the ammo that fit our weapons and some of the other calibers for, as he called it, just in case. I was happy to finally find a warmer coat for Thor. It was beat up and ratty, needed cleaning and some tailoring, but it gave me a shell to work with which was more than I'd had to start with. And we both got a couple of extra pairs of boots.

What we didn't keep was also useful. We traded some of the scrap metal to a blacksmith who had a brother that was a Ferrier and had him look at our horses. They needed some serious hoof care from all of our travelling. The man told us, "Cain't and won't tell you your business but if you keep pushing these animals one of 'em is going to wind up lame. You're lucky they ain't got sensitive feet or you'd had trouble with 'em before now what with all that traveling on concrete and pulling this loaded wagon. And I heard you say you're headin' east which means steep grades."

He was right and we both knew it. That afternoon we sat down with the maps and tried to figure out some type schedule and to solidify our route. After all was said and done we'd stayed in Williamsburg several more days than we had intended but we had gained some benefit from it so I tried not to worry. I had washed all of our clothes and bedding as well as the jacket that I'd found for Thor and just in time too.

The morning we got back on the road wasn't a record breaker but it was still surprisingly cool for September. Worse it was damp as a heavy fog lay over everything.

"Looks like home," I told Thor.

"You walk around in pea soup often did you?" Thor asked playfully.

I rolled my eyes and said, "You have no idea."

It was midmorning before we left the clingy, patchy stuff all the way behind. We made it to Yaden, Kentucky and then to Dixie where we agreed it was time to stop for the day. Neither one of us was happy that we'd barely made eleven miles that day, even with an early start but it was what it was and we had to live with it.

We'd seen next to no one as we had travelled though we had occasionally smelled smoke which meant there were people near. Thankfully the day and that night were uneventful. We weren't quite as lucky when it came to a camping site. That morning everything was damp and we couldn't just pack up and haul away.

"Thor," I said trying to get his attention. It was one of those mornings when you tread light around a man who is missing his coffee.

He grumbled a, "What?"

"I think it might be better if we tried to sleep in the wagon from here on out, at least so long as the weather is going to be like this. It'll save time packing up since we won't have to let everything dry out."

All I got was a rumble in return but that night when we stopped in Siler after another ten mile day I did my best to arrange it so we'd have a comfortable bed. I thought to soothe his nerves with a little personal attention but he simply rolled over and went to sleep leaving me wondering exactly what was going on. I found out the next morning when I woke before he did to hear an odd wheezing noise mixed in with his snores.

"Thor! Why didn't you tell me you weren't feeling good," I told him sharply.

"Stop yammering at me, I feel fine." The fact that the statement was punctuated with a wet cough made me just stand there looking at him with my hands on my hips.

"Yeah, you sound fine all right. Here, I found some unopened Mucinex mixed in with the hallucinogenics at one of the camps. They must have robbed a drug store early on and just taken whatever fell off the pharmacist's shelves."

"I don't need …"

"Thor, I'm out of patience with your he-man stuff. A wet chest is nothing to fool with, especially now that cooler weather is setting in. I'll let you do all of the security planning and strategy but trust me, on this I know better. You are used to the dry weather of the Middle East, you've forgotten how bad winter colds can be and with no doctors …"

He said sharply, "Oh all right … just get off my back already. You're giving me a headache."

I knew I wasn't the one giving him a headache. More than likely it was sinus pressure or lack of good rest. I didn't blame him for the headache, I was however getting irritated at his attitude. I also made him drink some ginger and honey tea. He was hacking up globs of gunk and blowing his nose so often that he went through all of the clean bandanas we had but by that night he was all cleared up.

He took the soup I handed him and said rather sheepishly, "Sorry Hon, don't know what came over me."

I decided it wasn't worth making him feel any more guilty than he already did so I just said, "Hey, if you can handle the occasional bought of PMS from me then I don't see why I shouldn't be overlook the occasional crankiness for you. Now eat your soup and then get some rest. I'll take first watch since I have to wash a few things anyway."

"I'll do that since I dirtied them up."

I shook my head, "No you won't. You'll get some rest like I politely asked you to. You want to get rid of this and not set yourself up for a relapse." A little grumbling followed but he did as I asked and by the next morning he seemed to be his old self though he could have still used some more rest.

That day was a hard one. We had no choice but to head due south down 190 and cross into Tennessee before turning northeast again Hamlin Town, heading back into Kentucky and stopping for the night in Fonde. It made for a fifteen mile day and man, woman, and beast were all extremely tired.

"One more day Hon and then I think we'll need to take a break for the horses if nothing else." Thor's gravel voice registered fatigue and I continued to worry that he was trying to relapse no matter how many times he claimed to feel so much better.

"Sounds good. If we can I want to find a barn, warehouse, or garage to stay in. We need to get out of this damp and so do the horses."

God blessed us and we made good time the next day. We'd thought only to go as far as Edgewood but we made it all the way to Cumberland Gap and even through the park. I suggested and Thor agreed that we stay in the Wilderness Road campground and picnic area. It wasn't easy but I maneuvered us to the furthest group picnic site and we rearranged the tables and used the space to keep the worst of the damp off of us and the horses.

The next day I left Thor sleeping in camp and went exploring down at the visitor center to see what I could find. He was mad as the dickens when I got back but mollified when I told him what I'd found and even went so far as to snuggle for a bit.

"You know this doesn't excuse you going off on your own," Thor said.

I sighed, "Yeah. But look, we are trying to rest the horses and you need to finish getting over that chest cold. At the same time we should take advantage of what salvage we can. I left you a detailed note and this time it panned out."

"This time," he said.

I had to stop myself from rolling my eyes. I'd been hiking the Smokies for most of my life, with and without my dad for company. It was hard to suddenly change the way I did things but for Thor I would try. "OK. I get your point. I'm just used to being more independent."

"It's not about independence Hon," he said, understanding my viewpoint despite not agreeing with it. "The world is a different place. I know this is closer to what you have grown up with as far as landscape but you need to remember that more than ever because of it. The people are going to be different … perhaps even those you know, those you used to call friends. You can't know for sure so you need to be more careful, think further ahead."

I did understand but there were times understanding that only made me want to kick over my traces even more. Nevertheless I told him, "It won't happen again."

He shook his head, "I'm not your crew boss Hon and I'm not your father. I love you and life as I knew it would be over without you in it. I only want you to be careful … for both our sakes."

I hugged him realizing I had scared him more than made him angry. "I said it won't happen again. Even if I want to head off and explore on my own I hope I'm considerate enough to keep my word for your sake." We hugged to seal the deal and then turned back to going through what I'd managed to haul back … after I started a percolator pot of coffee.

The coffee was only one of the things that I found by scavenging through the desks and credenzas I found in the "staff only" sections of the visitor center. Along with the coffee were packets of sugar and powdered creamer, some of those fancy "international" coffee blends, napkins and paper cups. In the area that housed the cleaning supplies I found a couple of boxes of feminine hygiene products, liquid soap, gallon jugs of "all natural" type cleaners and a couple of plain old bleach as well. There weren't too many paper towels since the bathrooms had used the blowers to dry with but there were some commercial rolls of toilet paper that fairly had me dancing a jig when I found them.

"I'd like to take the horses down and get the rest of the supplies that I couldn't haul back by hand. It will give me the rest of the day to try and arrange the stuff in the wagon."

"Is there going to be room? And if room isn't a problem what about weight?"

"I'll manage it. We are eating the potatoes at almost every meal … and yes I know you are getting a little tired of them but it's what we've got for now to keep our carb levels up to balance out the protein of the wild game we are eating. If I can put up with eating tree rat all the time you can eat potatoes. Anyway," I continued after being interrupted by Thor's unspoken complaint. "I've made up my mind to leave that ridiculous dutchie. It takes up too much room and weighs too much. I'd rather cook in two or three dutchies at the same time than try and deal with that monster."

"You sure? You were awful excited to have found it," Thor reminded me. "We leave it behind there won't be any coming back for it."

"It was a case of my eyes being bigger than my stomach … or in this case my good sense. It's too much of a novelty to really be useful on a regular basis."

So it was decided. We went back down to where I had found everything and it took three loads with both horses to bring everything up. It wasn't just the food and cleaning items though that would have been treasure enough. There were a few clothing items that fit Thor and I snagged them to add to his cold weather wardrobe. We were still missing long johns and good socks but I was hoping to find a clothier that carried backwoods gear along the way.

There were also some things in the gift shop that I took though I felt guilty for it every time I passed the cash register because they weren't strictly necessities. And I grabbed all of the office supplies. From a locked cabinet Thor took several boxes of shotgun shells though the shotgun they were meant for wasn't to be found anywhere on the premises.

"It's weird how untouched this place is," I said that night as we sat warming by our campfire.

"Maybe not. You saw how trashed Middlesboro was. They had some kind of staging going on at the hospital and airport but whatever they were trying to contain escaped and ran rampant. Those two churches were loaded down with bodies, like they knew they were going to die and just wanted to do it someplace sacred. When I saw that I would have detoured if the option had existed. No telling how long some of the nasties that were released are going to hang around in the environment waiting to strike the unwary."

"Now that's a comforting thought," I told him and flicked a twig at him.

"Yeah, I thought it would be," he told me flicking the piece of debris right back.

I sighed and looked at the amazingly star-filled sky. "I wonder how many people are seeing stars like this for the first time."

Thor scooted closer and we just enjoyed each other's company, him with the last cup of coffee from the pot and me with a mug of hot chocolate that had come from the same credenza. Then Thor said, "We'll take the Wilderness Road tomorrow. You ever been on it?"

"Sure, it's … well I don't know if you'll call it a main thorough fair exactly but it is one of the primary byways. We'll leave the Daniel Boone portion of it in Bristol and then take the Frontier Trail route." I tried to think of what he'd want to know about it but about all I could think about was tomorrow we would enter Virginia.

Sensing my thoughts Thor asked, "Excited?"

"And scared," I admitted. "I know things will have changed and I know there will be a ton of work when we do finally reach home. I want to hurry up but at the same time I'm not sure I'm ready for what I'll have to face."

"You think … I mean you did say you had other family."

"They haven't lived in Damascus for a few years. None of my cousins could handle it. It is a very small town that has a population explosion a couple of times a year when the big trail expos occur. You have to be able to put up with strangers just walking up to you asking directions and stupid questions. People get lost on the trails fairly regularly; they even manage it on the biking trails though I've never quite figured that one out."

"Do they live close enough? Do you want to check on them?"

I honestly wasn't sure. Part of me said I had the obligation to and another part of me remembered how some of them had treated me and my parents over the years.

"My aunt lives in Ewing. We'll have to pass right by her turnoff to get home. I guess it's about twenty miles from here. I wouldn't mind saying hello to her and my cousin Edgard … if he's around don't call him Eddie 'cause he hates it … but Cellie and Dart are a couple of pieces of work and ranked me right up there with pig snot. They were embarrassed by me because I was so different and they hated that our grandmothers pretty much told them to get over it since they were older than I was by several years and should be mature enough to handle it."

"The more I hear about your grandmothers the more I wish I could have met them."

"Yeah, they were something all right," I said smiling at some of my memories. "Mom was a gentler soul but still managed to fit into Dad's rough and tumble family, and they adored her for not being judgmental. Me, I took more after Dad's side of the family personality-wise and the two old ladies got a kick out of it. As for any other family, I don't know. They aren't along the route we've got planned right now except for a couple of Mom's cousins in Abington. Just … let's play it by ear. I suppose it is better to know than not but at the same time I'd rather not have to deal with that stuff if I … we … don't have to."

"You tell me if you want to stop and I'll stand by you."

I leaned back into his chest and we wound up sharing a lap blanket to ward off the little bit of chill in the air. "But you wanted to know about the Wilderness Road. I'm hoping we can make it as far as Wilderness Road State Park tomorrow and Ewing the day after that. Highway 58 is actually a good road because of all of the historical stuff it goes by but very rural in feel at least until you get to Bristol. We've got a few days to get there though so I'm not sure how far you want this description to go."

I could feel Thor nod. "OK, what about food, water and places to stop?"

"A decent number of springs and creeks if you know where to look. That's one of the reasons I got those hiking and topo maps from the gift store. We're still going to need to keep the water barrel topped off as often as we can but we've been doing that all along. Places to stop? There are plenty of those assuming not everything is inhabited. If worse comes to worse I could always chop firewood in exchange for space in a barn or back acreage."

"I want to avoid people as much as possible," Thor said.

"I don't know if we'll be able to do that around here but we'll give it a try. Even if we see people it won't mean that those people will want to talk to us. Mountain people can be funny."

My lifemate chuckled and said, "That is true the world over. Richards used to complain that that it was the altitude and thin oxygen that did it."

"You miss 'em?" I asked after he'd gotten quiet.

"It hasn't hit me yet. Right now is like a vacation or a temporary assignment. I figure this winter, once we're settled in I'll feel it more."

Wondering I asked, "Have you ever been cooped up for a winter? Sometimes not even able to get outside much?"

"No, can't say as I have."

I warned him, "Some people don't take to it. They get bored and stir crazy."

Rather than taking me seriously he gave me a wicked grin. "I doubt I'll be bored. There will be too much else to hold my attention."

Well that pretty much ended that conversation and we headed to bed when a heavy mist started to form and roll in. Thor was asleep almost instantly, still recovering whether he admitted it or not. I had a much harder time of it. Seeing Aunt Belle would be … something. She tried to be nice to me but she was always so wrapped up in her own problems that we just never made much of a connection. Edgard was closer to my age and he and I had had football in common as well as scouting, but he had been away at college and I wasn't sure whether he would have been able to make it home or not. Mostly I knew from that point forward was when I had to start facing old faces, old places, and old fears. But at least I wasn't having to face them alone. I had Thor and that made all the difference.


	63. Chapter 63

Chapter 63

The next night in the state park I was going nuts. I had the fidgets so bad I couldn't settle for love or gold. I dreaded what I'd find in Ewing no matter what it turned out to be. It was so bad that when I tried to clean the carcasses of the tree rats that Thor brought me I did a real hatchet job and ruined them for much of anything.

I wasn't so bad however that I was willing to show the mess to Thor so I quickly changed the menu to Squirrel Fried Rice. I had rice left over from breakfast that I had intended to make rice cakes out of but instead, after cooking the squirrel meat, I put it in a hot skillet that I'd melted some bacon grease in and then added some chopped wild onions, a little diced and cooked smoked bacon, and a restaurant packet's worth of soy sauce. It was a little high in sodium but I hadn't seasoned the squirrel as I was cooking it so it balanced flavor-wise.

That night I awoke from three different nightmares, all three ending with my relatives – whether dead or alive – blaming me for my parents' deaths.

"Hon! Wake up. This is the third time you've moaned in your sleep like that. And are you …?! You're crying this time! Rochelle, it it's this bad do you really want to stop tomorrow?" Thor was worried about me. I could hear it in every syllable, feel it in his arms as he held me.

"If I don't face the fear now, I may never find the courage. Besides, I need to know. Either way I need to know."

Thor kissed my forehead. "They've got no reason to blame you Hon. For your parents' end or for being a GWB. You're the victim here as much as your mother and father."

"People are strange Thor. I thought you of all people would know that." I sighed and then sighed deeper as Thor began to massage my neck and shoulders.

"You're as stiff as a new trigger. Would it help if we just got up and got going a little early?"

I shook my head. "You've lost enough sleep."

"Nah. Besides, it's about time to put the coffee pot on anyway."

Sure enough it was but Thor tried to insist on me making my tea first. I reminded him we had two percolators and what hot water I didn't use for tea I used to make up some instant grits and cornmeal fry bread. The leftover coffee and tea went into our thermoses and the extra fry bread I made I wrapped and put in our lunch box.

"Put some of this applesauce on your bread. Get some sugar in your system."

"Thor I'm fine … really," I told him.

"Then why are you shaking?" he asked, not unkindly.

"Adrenaline and nerves and we both know it so I won't deny it. But that doesn't mean I'm not OK."

Thor shook his head. "I've seen you face down wild animals and crazy people, including me when I was pushing your around, and never even break a sweat or blink an eye. This family of yours much really be something else. You're starting to make me nervous now."

He was being a little facetious on purpose, trying to make me smile so I obliged him with a small one. "They're no better nor worse as families go. It's just an unusual dynamic with me thrown in the mix."

Just before Ewing's city limit sign my aunt's driveway wound steeply up between the trees. I looked at Thor and said, "I know you don't like me going off on my own but there's no sense taking the horses and wagon up there until we know if anyone is at home."

A voice from the bushes had Thor and I pointing our weapons at a spot on the other side of the ditch. "There's no sense going up there period as all you'll find is a burned out frame Rocky."

A man about Thor's age but looking older carefully stood up. He looked enough like Dad that it hurt. "Dart?"

"Yeah," he said in a tired voice. "Good thing it was me on duty or they might have given you a hard time. We've had some trouble so people are skittish."

Dart was eyeing Thor, then me, then Thor again. I cleared my throat. "Dart this is …"

"… her husband. Gunnar Thoresen. We'll get along better though if you just call me Thor."

Dart took his time but then smiled and held out his hand. "So long as you don't call me D'Artagnan. You can see I have you beat in that area."

The two men continued to size each other up but not in an unfriendly way. While we waited for Dart's relief to come I asked about the family.

"Mom … she's about like she's always been. We do what we can for her but there are days when you can't do nothing for her." I nodded in understanding. "Cellie's fiancé never came back the day the power went out. She pined for him for a while then let a man that had lost his wife and one of his kids the same day come court her. She married him … oh I guess it's been almost two months ago now and she's as happy as I've ever known her to be. Getting out from under Mom's thumb helped. Jack and those two kids of his fixed her up the rest of the way."

I later explained to Thor that Cellie had lost her only baby to the flu the year it was real bad. It had caused pericarditis and he'd been too young to survive the damage. To make matters worse she'd suffered with infertility afterwards.

"What about Edgard?" I asked.

The look on his face had my eyes watering. "Oh Rocky girl, it … it ain't that bad and … well I'm sorry I made you think we'd lost him. We thought we had until he showed up back in July. It's just he ain't the boy he was. He's finally getting his strength back; that girlfriend of his that helped him get home has had a lot to do with that. I doubt you'll recognize him straight off. He might not recognize you either at first. The fevers seem to have affected his memory in places but it comes back when he works at it."

His relief showed up, gave us some suspicious looks even after being introduced, and then Dart was leading us into town, or what was left of it.

"I know it looks bad but still, like I said it's better than it was. We've just had trouble off and on since everything fell apart. Folks around here didn't have much and what we did have others tried to take. Made you feel real untrusting of anyone outside of your family and some families couldn't even trust each other. We didn't have five hundred people to start with, now we are down to about a hundred and fifty inside the city limits and about that many outside of it, or at least we think. People kept just up and disappearing on us but mostly things have settled down now that everyone is so busy trying to get set for cold weather."

"What about your wife and boys?" I asked.

I could see he wasn't real comfortable answering at first but not for the reason I thought. "Boys are fine, growing like weeds after we finally got the garden up and producing. It filled up the whole yard both front and back except for the chicken coop I built and attached to the back of the garage. That area was too shady to grow anything in anyway. Well … the things is … Darlene had a breakdown or something along those lines and flat out refuses to have anything to do with us these days. I took her out to her parents on the other end of town hoping it would help her but in the end they asked me and the boys to stop coming to see her as it got her too agitated." He shrugged. "Don't know how you'll take the rest but … I needed help with the boys and her sister Ilene moved in with us. One thing led to another and we … well, with her parents blessing, we made it as official as we could last month. But Mom is taking her time getting used to the idea and you know how people love to talk."

"Do I ever," I muttered.

He gave me a guilty look before turning to Thor. "Some family you married into."

Thor shrugged. "I've heard worse and besides Rochelle's worth it."

Dart barked a laugh and looked at me. "I thought you hated being called that."

I glanced at Thor and rolled my eyes, "Sometimes in life you just have to give in to the inevitable." He and I smiled a private smile and Dart was considerate enough to ignore it.

We were approaching a group of men when Dart suddenly turned serious. "Look you two, I'm sorry to drop this on you like this – thought I'd be able to get you home and ease into it – but the town has put a moratorium on new settlers until after winter is over. Temporary visitors are OK but …"

"Not a prob," Thor rumbled as he stepped between me and a man that looked like an angry rooster.

The moron took a few steps back when Thor gave him the eye and then calmed all the way down when we told him we'd be staying two nights at most.

As Dart led us to his house he asked, "Two nights? You sure?"

Thor left it up to me to answer while he surveyed the places we passed. "We're sure. I … I'll be honest Dart, I wasn't sure 'til today we would stop … too afraid I guess."

"You gotta tell Mom that. She'll live on it for months."

Thor gave me a questioning look and I told him, "Aunt Belle likes her a bit of drama now and then.

She'll dress the story up some and then tell it over and over again like a fairy tale." Thor just grunted. He wasn't much for unnecessary drama which was fine by me.

A tall woman, not as tall as me but close, stepped onto the porch as we approached. She was a lot thinner than I remembered her, even after she'd lost all the extra weight, and she'd gone completely gray but I still recognized her.

"Aunt Belle?"

I was surprised to see real tears streaming down her face, "He said you were still alive when he brought your parents' bodies back for burial. I … I wanted to believe him but I don't know if I did or not."

I went up the stairs and put my arms around a frail old woman where my aunt had been standing just seconds before. I couldn't seem to get beyond her words and when I turned loose of her I stumbled and would have fallen if Thor hadn't run up to the porch to stead me.


	64. Chapter 64

Chapter 64

I looked at Dart in disbelief, unsure whether my aunt was telling a story or not. "There wasn't time to … to … and … who would have …" I was stuttering, still trying to process it.

"Bentley Griffey."

The answer was just as mystifying as the question. Thor asked, "Who's Bentley Griffey?"

"Dad's best friend. He's one of the few people that never … never treated me like I was particularly different from any other kid." Then I asked, "But how? Did he say?"

Aunt Belle interrupted and said, "First I want to know who that man is." She pointed at Thor but she wasn't being malicious but wickedly intrigued.

"Aw Aunt Belle, don't start," I begged. "I need …"

"And you'll get your answers as soon as you introduce … your gentleman friend?"

Dart was standing there trying to look sympathetic but he missed the mark when I saw he was just happy that his mother had someone new to pick at. I looked at Thor, worried, but he looked more amused than anything else and introduced himself calling him my husband again. He'd said it before and I liked even though it wasn't quite true in the strictest of physical senses but Aunt Belle acted like she was going to swoon in delight and started to practically pull Thor into the house to eat him up.

Thor was more than a match for Aunt Belle though and patted her hand, "I promise to tell you everything but we need to get the wagon and horses put someplace first."

Dart grinned leading us to the garage which was actually an old carriage house. "I'll bring 'em back fast Momma, I promise."

As soon as we were out of earshot I said, "Thanks Dart. Thanks a lot."

"You're more than welcome."

Then I lost my smile. "Seriously? Uncle Bentley?"

When Thor raised his eyebrow I told him, "That's what I grew up calling him but we aren't blood kin. He and Dad were friends since before they started grade school. Family story goes that the Griffey's and the original Charbonneau in this area knew each other back in New Orleans somehow. It's in one of the family Bibles but I can't remember the full story right now."

I turned to Dart and said, "I still don't understand …"

"Let Mom tell it. She does a better job of it and she'll have everyone else in there by the time we get there. They'll all want to hear it and your story too."

So we finished tucking the horses up for the night and securing the wagon and then went back inside to sit in the room being used as the parlor. It took a few moments for everyone to greet everyone and the momentarily blank look on Edgard's face chilled me. But then he said, "Oh! Football!"

I laughed brightly even though I felt like crying and said, "That's right. You showed me a few moves."

"I sure did! And didn't you use them! Went to the play offs and everything. I remember that!" He seemed to be as thrilled about a returned memory as anything else. Thor squeezed my hand and the girl that was putting a lap robe over Edgard smiled at me, grateful for not making a fuss.

Finally the story was to be told with Aunt Belle starting, "Well, I can tell you that everyone was just horrified and barely hanging on from the madness that seemed to be striking every one. The power hadn't been off but two days and everyone was already losing their ever loving minds." I saw Dart roll his eyes but whether it was a reference to his first wife Darlene or a general exaggeration I wasn't sure.

I listened to everyone fill in the bits and pieces and we shared although not everything. The afternoon grew cool and Ilene tried to sneak off to the kitchen to see about dinner but Aunt Belle spotted her and declared it was time for chores. Thor slipped out after a look from me and later met me at the back door and handed me some rice and the pinto beans I had had soaking.

"Um … Ilene?"

"If it was from before I'd say you didn't have to do this but … well … no sense in lying. This will help piece things out." We were joined by Edgard's girlfriend, a sweet girl named Denise, and got the last bit of dinner going. I felt like a giant in the small kitchen, especially with the two of them standing so close.

"Dart's going to close in the back porch and make it a summer kitchen as soon as he scavenges up all the parts he needs. He found another wood stove that he plans on putting out there that will help with the canning. It was murder trying to do it all in here this past season."

I looked out the window to see Dart and Thor chopping wood while Dart's two boys stacked it. "Are … are you all … are things going OK around here?"

Denise answered while Ilene sliced a large onion. "Things are a lot better now. The town got a good co-op going using the city park land and while we are short some things they aren't things we can't live without. You and Thor look like you've done OK." Her last sentence was more of a question than a statement.

"We've had some rough patches but we've been able to hunt and do a little fishing which has lightened the load on our supplies. Trading has taken care of the rest."

Ilene said, "It got hunted over around here pretty quick when the supplies started running low. If you want to find anything these days you have to go way up in the mountains and that's so dangerous it almost doesn't make it worth it."

"What about all the domestic cattle and stock?" I asked.

"That was the first bit of trouble we had. People saying they were with the government came in and started taking all of the livestock before most thought to question who they really were. People started fighting back and killed off most of those people but by then it was too late. The stock had been shipped someplace else."

"They had trucks to do the shipping?!" I asked amazed. "Even after the EMP."

"Yeah, that's what shook people up so much. No one knows for sure but they might have been working for the UN based on some paperwork that was found. But I don't think even the UN survived for long once things got really bad."

I reminded myself to mention it to Thor and then we were setting the table while Aunt Belle took her supper in her room. I looked at Dart to explain. "Like I said, Mom has her good days and her bad. Sometimes it is all just a little too much for her and she retreats to her room; when she does that we've all just learned to leave her be. Her health ain't what it was either Rocky. You gotta remember she's older than Uncle Buck is … was … by almost twelve years. All this mess has been hard on her."

It was Thor that asked Dart to go over it again. "Yeah. Rocky, remember how Dad used to call it?"

I snickered a little remembering Dart's father, a highschool Language Arts teacher. He and Aunt Belle had been like Mutt and Jeff but he had honestly loved her for as long as she had let him. "Yeah. He'd say Aunt Belle could bury the facts beneath the story."

Edgard said, "I remembered that! Your Dad was pretty cool Dart."

Dart, Cellie, and Edgard were all half siblings. Aunt Belle said she gave each of her husbands a child and when she was done have kids she was done having husbands as well.

Dart gave Edgard a nod and then told us, "Things didn't fall apart quite as fast as Mom made it out. People that canned still had plenty left from the previous harvest and most folks had already bought their seeds or even started getting things in the ground. Our little stores still had things on the shelves but they weren't taking anything but cash and refused to sell anything to out of towners. Things were deteriorating but they hadn't fallen apart yet. It was only a couple of days after the EMP that Griffey showed up."

"And you heard him say the same thing as Aunt Belle?"

He nodded. "Yeah, sounded like something he would do anyway. You know how he is. The thing is he was still so broke up over your dad that he was hard to pin down on a few things. Frustrated Mom real bad. She wanted to know why he hadn't stayed and looked for you and he'd start crying every time she brought it up. He said going out there had been a spur of the moment thing, was doing it as a surprise; flew out there in that ol' plane of his dad's. He got to the hotel just moments after it happened. He was helping trying to sort things out – and you know that's like him too, plus the badge didn't hurt – when he looks over to where the local cops were reviewing the security footage when he saw you and that boy running from the building on one of the clips."

Thor said, "Getting the … uh, bodies released would have taken time. The EMP wasn't that long afterwards. How did he get home?"

"Griffey is resourceful, ask Rocky about it. Knowing him he probably just walked away with the bodies without getting permission. He might have worked for the government but he didn't always play by the rules."

At Thor's looked I explained, "Uncle Bentley was up the food chain in the NPS … the National Park Service. He still did ranger work but his title was something different. His main job was to take people on extended backcountry hiking trips and stuff like that."

Dart continued, "From what I understood he'd landed at Middlesboro to refuel right before the EMP. From there he gathered some pack horses and … he was … they were all wrapped up …"

I couldn't even handle the picture of that in my head and leaned into Thor. He was the lifeline God had thrown to me and I held on until the storm of my emotions were more manageable.

"I'm sorry Rocky girl."

"It's all right Dart. There's no sense in hiding from the truth. I feel bad for Uncle Bentley, all alone like that …"

"Oh he wasn't alone, had a couple of people with him. They looked real nervous, like they weren't used to roughing it, but I think one of them was that woman he'd been seeing that your dad told mom about, the one that your mom didn't care for."

I wasn't surprised but then again I was. Uncle Bentley could be a kind man but he was not one to have a lot of patience for people either. Dad said that's why his job had been perfect for him. An office job would have suffocated the life out of him. As for the woman, I'd never met her. Mom rarely took dislikes of people so I'd been surprised when I'd overheard her telling Dad that she thought the woman was just after Uncle Bentley because she thought he had money.

 _"_ _You know everyone always thinks he has money because he flies planes and drives those antique cars. And I swear, she's only a couple of years older than Rocky. What's he doing messing around with a girl young enough to be his daughter?"_

 _"_ _That's what really has you upset," my dad had told her._

 _"_ _No. Well, alright that is some of it … but I just can't help but feel she's going to hurt him. And hasn't he been hurt enough? I mean I'm glad he's finally dating again … it's been ten years since Bettie Sue and the baby died … but couldn't he have picked someone less … strange?"_

I never had bothered to ask Mom what she meant, not that it had mattered. Uncle Bentley always went his own way. Always.

The supper dishes were washed and put away and we'd finally convinced everyone we were fine sleeping out in the wagon. I stuck my head in Aunt Belle's room to find she'd already fallen asleep. I turned and nearly ran into Edgard.

"Mom … mom won't wake up until … until after … after … after … breakfast is half through."

I'd already noticed that Edgard had started to stutter when he was getting tired. "I haven't wanted to ask in front of the others in case you told me to go to the devil but … how are you really doing?"

He smiled sadly. "I'm sorry I forgot this. How you knew the right questions to ask when no one else would." I waited, giving him time. "There used to be days when I wanted to give up. Denise … well, I couldn't leave her alone. I'm better now but … but … but … I still worry that she picked the wrong guy."

I told him, "I don't think so. You may have wanted to give up but you didn't … and you didn't because of her. That means something to a girl."

"I hope," he muttered. "One … one … one … d d d day it won't be so bad. I just have to make it through the winter with … with … without getting sick again."

I hugged him and joined Thor where he waited for me on the porch and then we went out to the wagon. When we had finally settled for the night after checking everything over I asked him, "Did Dart say anything?"

"About what?"

"You know what," I told him.

"Hon, they don't blame you. If anything I think they … or at least Dart … feels guilty for underestimating what you had faced over the years. But don't take this the wrong way; I think … I think they've just had so much on their plate they haven't given it that much thought either."

"So I was making a mountain out of a mole hill," I replied quietly.

"Not exactly. It's an awful thing that has happened but in the scheme of things it is one awful thing in a sea of them."

I nodded, pretty much having come to that conclusion myself. "Makes me seem like I had a big head about it all."

"No, not that either. They just had a chance to come to terms with it more than you have. Give it time … please don't put your elbow in my ribs like that, it don't feel good. I know that sounds like I don't care but time is all there is. And me. You've got me too. And God, are you forgetting about Him?"

"No," I said a little embarrassed for it to be Thor reminding me of that.

"Good. Now let's get some rest. Dart said his sister will be over tomorrow and her husband is some kind of something on the town council and will probably ask a million questions about what we've seen as we crossed the country."

And that is what we spent most of the next day doing … answering all sorts of questions to the best of our ability. Cellie and I never had much in common and that was still true but we were family and treated each other accordingly, some different from the way things had been in the past. The only thing she did say that bothered me was that I didn't seem to have suffered very much compared to other folks.

I nearly said, "Well, it wasn't for lack of trying that's for sure." But I kept my mouth shut since it wouldn't have done any good anyway. For some people the world is only ever about them and their pains and ills.

Thor and I were both mentally exhausted and turned in early that night to get away from it all. Plus we were leaving early in the morning with a promised escort out of town. You could take it one of two ways. I don't think most of them meant it to be as unwelcoming as it seemed on the surface but on the other hand if they had known how eager we were to get back on the road they might have been a little on the affronted side of things themselves.


	65. Chapter 65

Chapter 65

It was easier to leave than I had thought it would be now that I had found some of my family alive. I didn't say easy … just easier than I expected it to be. Dart was a surprise. He'd been one of the ones hardest on me but maybe looking back it wasn't so much that he was hard on me as we had nothing in common including our ages and nothing to bridge the gap. And I was different and could be defensive because of it. I'm not saying that Dart was blameless … but maybe I wasn't either. It takes two to build a relationship and sometimes a bridge for them to meet on. Perhaps time and this catastrophe had finally built that bridge for Dart and I … and time for us to both grow up fully. Dart might have been Thor's age but Dad always complained the Aunt Belle refused to cut the umbilical cord.

Cellie … well Cellie was Cellie, still the princess Celeste, but she did seem to be a little different than before; just not as different as Dart appeared to be. And poor Edgard … I put him on my prayer list and knew he'd be there for a long time to come.

Aunt Belle for her part made me promise to come back if something happened and we couldn't live at the farm. "You probably couldn't make it back before spring anyway and by then they'll ease up on things around here. And if you don't need to come back, just as soon as we can get communications set back up I want you to send us word and let us know you are all right. Buck would never forgive me if we didn't keep up with each other." I loved my aunt but I took my dad's warning to heart: he used to say it was a whole lot easier to love some folks when you didn't have to live with them.

A few more familial kisses and hugs later and we were off into the early morning sun heading east out of Ewing. We bypassed Rose Hill as we'd been warned they were even more protective of their city limits than Ewing and then stopped in Cedar Hill for the evening. The population was sparse and not particularly friendly so we avoided contact. We camped behind a windbreak of trees and bushes and then got up early the next morning to warm up after a windy, chilly night. Collier Mill was as far as we got the next day but the day after that we managed to make fifteen miles and get all the way to Duffield.

That night, doing a pretty fair imitation of Thor's growl, I told him, "I could walk faster than we're riding. This is why I originally meant to just hike up the AT."

"We could ditch the wagon but it seems a shame to after having brought it this far." I know he was joshing me but I wasn't in the mood to take it well.

I rolled my eyes, "You know doggone good and well I'm just complaining."

He gave me a smirk and said, "And you know doggone good and well I'm just giving you what your complaints are worth."

That brought on a tussle that ended with us both wishing the miles away. Thor stretched out on the bed we'd made for ourselves and asked, "Feel better?"

A little embarrassed by the fact that I did I told him, "Yeah, but I don't guess it is very feminine of me to admit it."

"Why? Because you needed to burn off some energy? What's wrong with that? I'm not too fond of these calluses on our hindquarters we're developing either. But the wagon was a good idea. We never could have carried enough supplies to get us through or taken advantage of some of the situations we've found ourselves in. Besides, what's done is done and we've got bigger fish to fry in the coming days." As ever, Thor was more practical than emotional.

I nodded. The next day we hoped to make it to Weber City but that was a good eighteen miles. On the plus side it was on a good highway. On the negative side it was on a good highway. Not only that but we'd be passing by Clinchport and then traveling parallel to at least one major railroad line, through passing Gate City which was a good sized city and then hopefully would make it through Weber City that was also a good sized city. Neither one of us was too happy about the route but there were few alternatives and all of them worse.

It wasn't as bad as we feared but it wasn't great either. We did have a few run-ins but generally we were left alone once we made how armed we were more obvious to the casual observer. However that left us open to the suspicion of the townspeople and officials that we passed. We got hassled a few times from people who were just scared of us but were generally just encouraged to move along faster. We were welcomed no where it seemed yet we would have been willing to pay a fair price for a place to park and set up camp. We were exhausted and travelling on the Bristol Highway before we found an abandoned dairy barn that we could camp in that we didn't have to share with a number of other travelers.

We didn't unpack much, just enough for me to grill the snake we had caught in the barn. Snake has never been my favorite as there are a lot of tiny bones you have to deal with but this was a big boa of all things; probably someone's escaped pet. It wouldn't have survived the winter but was a fat and sassy one all the same.

Turning the pieces of breaded meat in the skillet for me what I found a dry pair of socks Thor said in a tired voice, "It'll be October tomorrow."

Back when I had first started I had had no idea it would take me this long to get home and we were still looking at another sixty miles ahead of us. "You're going to tell me we need to give the horses a rest."

Thor signed and nodded. "Yeah, but not here. Before Bristol but definitely not here," he said in disgust at the lingering slaughterhouse smell all around us. Something or someone had used the barn to deal with the carcasses of the cattle; the chains and ropes … and bits of cow … still hung from the rafters in one corner.

I was glad to escape the next morning and even happier when my clothes and hair had gotten rid of the last clinging traces of scent from that place. We lucked out and we found a tidy little hole to hide in just outside of Shelleys. I had worried at first we wouldn't make it that far as a light cold rain had started to fall about two in the afternoon. Thor pointed to an overgrown driveway and we decided to take a chance. If there was anyone there we'd offer good coin for a night in a barn but it was obvious that the house had been abandoned for weeks if not months or longer. Upon closer inspection it appeared to be some kind of rental cabin.

As we set up for the night Thor asked, "You sure the horses are going to be OK in the garage?"

I laughed. "Thor, it's out of the rain. It has a floor that used to be gravel but is mostly dirt at this point. I threw down as much of that tall grass as I could before it got dark and I'll freshen it tomorrow when I muck things out. I'll picket them outside tomorrow unless it keeps raining and if it does they'll appreciate the garage even more. We on the other hand don't have to worry about them being set on by wild animals or by horse thieves since we barred the door and disconnected the wires on the garage door handle. And we can throw our bedding down on the floor here and sleep in front of the fire place. The fireplace has good draw so we aren't going to suffocate. You've turned feral is all and gotten used to sleeping outside."

He finally nodded, "It is some different to be sleeping in a real house."

"Better get used to it. When we get to the farm it is going to be a while before I hanker to be sleeping under the stars again. Surely a mattress appeals to you."

He gave a belly laugh, "Hon, it's not the mattress that appeals to me."

I shook my head and said, "Oh you!" He laughed at my bright red face and then we cleaned up and enjoyed being toasty warm on a cold and rainy night.

The next morning I looked outside and realized it was still raining. Thor came up behind me and looked out over my shoulder. I told him, "A few degrees colder and I'd be worried about snow or ice."

"Glad we brought up that big limb and put it on the back porch," he mumbled.

"There's a woodshed out back. There isn't much in there but it's dry and that should be all we need. Since my gear is more waterproof than yours I'll go out and start bringing it in just in case it turns cooler."

We spent the rest of that day cleaning our weapons, cleaning our bodies, and cleaning our under things. Because of the dampness in the air it took all day for the clothes to dry but it was worth the work and the wait. I also rearranged the wagon contents, moving the weight around to make it easier on the horses as I knew some steep grades were ahead of us.

The rain finally let up in the afternoon but it was too late to do any hunting. As a result we ate some cans of soup that I'd been saving for just such an eventuality. Chicken noodle soup wasn't exactly haute cuisine but it filled the empty spaces and clean up was easy. I made some corn pone since I didn't have any crackers and I rounded the meal out with a couple of apples I baked on the coals of the fireplace.

All the while I did this my mind kept making lists, reviewing the route we had chosen for possible short cuts, and trying to avoid thinking about Uncle Bentley and what he had done.

"Why the long face?" Thor asked.

Not ready to bring up Uncle Bentley's place in my thoughts I told him, "The later it gets the less likely the orchard is going to have anything left in it worth picking."

"You're worrying again."

I nodded, "It's getting to the point there is something to worry about. It's getting cold early this year. We aren't going to see anything from a garden until late spring at best. Even if the farm hasn't been vandalized by man or beastie the winter is going to be hard. I know for a fact there isn't enough wood and that is something that is going to have to be addressed right away. A big concern is I don't know if the house is livable. The cabin should be but it isn't as well insulated as the house is; there is some repairs that Dad let go since the grandmothers weren't living there anymore. If it gets really bad we can move down to the basement of the house assuming there is no structural problem; there is a wood stove down there but that still means I have to get chopping as soon as we get there. And …"

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Thor asked mildly.

I admitted, "Probably which is something else that worries me."

Thor shook his head. "You keep saying all these things you'll need to do. The word you're looking for Hon is 'us'. We'll chop the wood and we'll manage everything else … together. Maybe I have forgotten what living in snow is like but I remember enough not to be completely helpless."

"Oh," I said. "Oh, Thor I didn't mean it that way. I …" I stopped not sure where I was going with it.

"It won't be like you remember it Hon. There's no way. And I admit there is a lot of work ahead of us. For one we'll likely need to barter … or even pay … for new livestock 'cause I can't imagine that yours survived that long on their own."

I sighed, "The chickens were on an automatic feeder but I hate to think of what the poor dust mops went through. The two cows were sent for stud services at the local dairy so at least I can hope we'll get them back. We stopped keeping hogs last year when Dad and I were able to get all of our pork hunting feral ones … it saved on feed. I was also going away to school – or that's what they kept telling me – so they were trying to downsize their workload. The ducks and geese would most likely have fended for themselves but may have gone wild by now or been picked off by predators. I stopped keeping rabbits last year because I didn't have time to take care of them properly. We released the last two batches of quail before we left. The barn cats … Oh Lord, they probably went after the chickens if they couldn't kept fed on mice and tree rats. Mom's old dog died last Thanksgiving and she refused to get another one but …" I stopped and looked at Thor who was listening politely. Then I snorted. "You know, instead of letting me run off at the mouth like a crazy person you could shut me up with a kiss."

"Good idea," he muttered while he obliged me.

It was just a distraction and we both knew it. That night I continued to make lists in my sleep and woke up even more tired than when I had gone to bed. I rarely drank coffee but I did that morning, heavily sugared and creamed with the powdered stuff, but Thor was nice enough not to mention it.

As we packed the last of our bedding away Thor told me, "I was looking at the map yesterday."

"And?"

"There is a way around Bristol."

"And?"

He just looked at me.

I told him, "All right. I understand. It'll help us avoid the Interstate as well."

After a moment Thor said, "That was easier than I thought it was going to be."

"Look, I understand, OK?" I stood there looking at him. "No, I'm not happy about adding time to the trip but … I'm with you. Better to avoid Bristol and the Interstate."

By taking parallel secondary roads we'd stay off the interstate and not have to worry about clogs, back tracking, or anything like that. We'd also avoid the more obvious travel routes which would mean – hypothetically – avoiding more people. We got to Burson Place that night but it was a hard, cold twelve miles.

I could feel people watching us every so often but it didn't feel antagonistic, more like I'll-leave-you-alone-if-you-leave-me-alone. That told me that there'd been trouble in the area at some point and everyone was being protective of what they had but hadn't descended to the level of striking first and asking questions later. That night we stayed in Rust Hollow. We had only gone nine miles that day and could have easily made Fractionville or even Abingdon. We stopped early to prepare ourselves for any possible trouble getting through that area which there was no way to get around if we wanted to pick up the Jeb Stuart Highway which is what we needed to get to Damascus.

"Less than twenty miles and you can show me this Promised Land of yours we've been heading towards." Thor was joking but not in a unkind way as we both sipped hot cider to warm up after a light mist had dampened the camp.

"What if I'm wrong? What if something's happened and the farm is uninhabitable?"

"Trying to jinx us?"

I shook my head and all but cussed when my hair fell down again. "No, of course not. Datburn this ol' hair band. All the elastic is gone out of the ones that haven't just out and out broke. When I shaved off my hair I never realized what a pain it was going to be to grow it back out."

Thor gave me the puppy dog face and asked, "But you'll do it right? You'll grow it back out?"

"Honestly, men are so strange about long hair." Shaking my head at his goofiness I told him, "Yes, I'll grow it back out. I'm just being cranky."

"And worrying too much. People around the world live in houses that aren't much better than cardboard boxes and sheets of scrap metal."

I interrupted to tell him, "Not in places where it snows they don't."

"I'm beginning to get the distinct notion that you don't like cold weather, or maybe it's just snow you don't like."

"I like both just fine … just so long as I have some place warm to come in out of it. And you'll appreciate that too as soon as the novelty of it has worn off. And in case you haven't noticed I've lost some of my padding so it is harder to stay warm."

He inched closer to me and said, "Oh I've noticed, but you're still padded in the right places."

I couldn't help it. I laughed. "Well, you won't have to put up with waiting much longer. I made a promise to you … and me … when we get to the farm … well, you know."

He got suddenly serious. "Rochelle, I'm not going to jump on you just as soon as we set foot on the place. I promised you a day of fun and some celebration, a day you can look back on when we turn old and gray. If that means waiting a little longer …"

He always caught me off guard when he turned all sweet and romantic. I wasn't really worried about that part at all and was as eager as he was – or close to it – I just wanted to make sure that all my talk of the farm wasn't just that … talk.

The next morning barely dawned. The sky was dreary and the wind tried to suck the warmth right out of us. The horses were cantankerous, having objected to leaving the protective shelter of the large metal storage shed had found to sleep in.

Abingdon was a mess. While being built around Interstate had once given it life had proven to be its death. I briefly wondered about my mother's family but knew that since I didn't really know where they lived it made no logical sense to hunt for them in the mess that was left of the city. There were a lot of detours to get around debris that had never been cleaned up. We could hear people off in the distance in all directions but they sounded more like a bunch of kids out playing than adults doing anything constructive.

Thor rode beside me and whispered, "Hopefully this wind is masking any sound we are making or it carries it away so people can't casually track us."

Nodding I responded, "This is bad. Look how picked over everything looks. And the insides of most of these buildings have seen weather damage too. There's glass all over the place still. No one has made any effort to clean things up. Either the city has been completely abandoned or things are still so disorganized I'm not sure I would want to meet any survivors."

Thor's answering nod was silent. We were both thankful to leave Abingdon but it wasn't without some effort. The I81 overpass had fallen across the route we needed and getting around it was a test of man, beast, and everyone's patience. It was late when we pulled into Drowning Ford after a fourteen mile day.

"I suppose," Thor started. "That we could have stopped back in Bethel or Osceola but I didn't like the looks of the folks that offered to let us pay for a place to stay for the night."

"They didn't sound like locals." When Thor raised an eyebrow I explained, "Yeah, they were from the south, probably even Virginia, but it wasn't a local accent … a mountain accent. Maybe from Virginia Beach or Richmond. They just seemed to have too much city in them."

That gave Thor a chuckle. The farmer that we had run into – nearly for real as his wagon had tipped on the other side of a blind corner – offered to let us bed down in his family's spare room but we told him we'd just as soon stay with the horses though we appreciated his offer and didn't want to offend him.

"Well, in your shoes I'd probably feel the same way. From Damascus you say? Ain't heard a peep out of the place since the government closed the highway down."

"They closed the Jeb Stuart down?!" I squeaked.

"Aw yeah, and you should have heard the commotion over it. But then the power went and people got more concerned with filling their bellies than filling their quota of gossip."

The glass of milk the farmer's wife gave me the next morning was the first real whole milk I'd had for a long time. Even when we were back at the Chuckri family the milk had had all of the cream skimmed out of it.

I licked my lips and said, "That was so good. Thank you."

The round and happy natured woman laughed and said, "Well I'm glad you liked it. You came on a good day. I have enough butter to last for a while and Herbert says he's full up to here with cheese so I decided to just leave the milk whole today. The grandkids will get the rest when they get here tonight."

At my look of polite interest she said, "Our daughter is going to move back home. One, Herbert can use her husband's help and two, their place just is too drafty. They had one of them new fangled propane set ups put in but they haven't been able to get their tank filled. Our place may be nothing but an old farmhouse but it is nice and tight and we have a wood stove in addition to the three fireplaces. Lots of kids moving back home around here … assuming … well, lots of people just haven't heard from their families. We've got a prayer list at the church that covers an entire wall in the sanctuary."

Thor left some silver in their sugar bowl despite their protests that they hadn't been out anything since we'd stayed in the barn but the safety and kindness was worth more to us than the silver even began to touch.

"People like that give me hope." It wasn't me that said it but Thor.

"I hope they can make it through the winter. If they can they seemed like the sort of folks that can survive whatever comes next for this country."

Thor asked, "Have you noticed how the world has gotten smaller?"

The was over my head and I gave him a blank look. He explained, "Not too many people have mentioned the rest of the world. They haven't asked if we'd heard anything about it nor said they knew anything about it. It's almost as if nothing outside of their little farm or little towns … their little lives … exists or has any meaning for them anymore."

I nodded, "I guess when you put it that way. We've been nearly all across this country together and I haven't heard much myself. It's almost like walls have been thrown up."

"I'm wondering if it isn't more than that," Thor said, biting his lip like he did when he was in really deep thought.

"What do you mean?"

"Think about it. Would the greenies – or even the Twelvers – have stopped with just attacking this country if they were trying to bring about the end of the world? Or should I say the end of the human world? If it had only been the US then other countries would have come in and either stripped the resources to satisfy the loans they'd made, or to get some type of retribution for some imagined ill. I honestly have a hard time believing that we haven't seen or at least heard of any dirty bombs or nuclear blasts occurring. No one has talked about seeing planes, not even drones, surveying the damage to the country's infrastructure."

"Well, that's because of the EMP."

He shook his head. "Hon, one EMP is not going to take out the entire world. If it wasn't exploded in the exactly right spot one bomb wouldn't even take out the entire country, it sure as heck wouldn't have reached Europe or Asia. Given the extent of the damage from the burst in this country I suspect either two bombs detonated at an altitude of about 120 miles or one detonated at about 300 miles. One at 300 miles would affect all the way into Canada and down into Mexico – theoretically anyway – but that is still just North America. We should have still seen some type of incursions for other countries if they were unaffected by the EMP."

Being with Thor everyday it was easy for me to forget he wasn't just a regular guy, that his job used to involved stuff I'd probably never even thought about. "OK, then what's your theory?"

"I'm working on a couple but none of them are pretty."

Before lunch time we were pulling into Damascus and all I could do was sit on the wagon seat while tears fell down my face.


	66. Chapter 66

Chapter 66

I knew the possibility had existed. I'd seen it time and time again as we'd cross the country. It's not like I had expected to cross some invisible barrier and step into an untouched zone of normalcy. There was no reason for me to be so surprise and hurt. Yet I was.

The dreary day only highlighted my dawning horror and pain. "Let's go," I said, wiping my eyes and scrubbing my nose on my sleeve. "We still have some miles to go."

"I think it would be better if we looked around first." Thor wasn't trying to torture me. I knew it in my head … and my heart … but the idea still felt like fingernails slicing my spine open.

A high pitched laugh escaped me before I could stop it. "Look around? At what?! Let's see … there's city hall, or what's left of it; all its insides seems to have been thrown outside. And right there is the building that got used to hold onto people until the state police could come pick them up. I know it doesn't look like much but trust me, it used to have a roof. That mess right there used to be the beauty salon; the dump truck stuck in the front wall is a new addition to the décor. And see that place that looks like it's been peeled open like a banana? That was the Cowboy General Store, about the only place to get groceries unless you wanted to go all the way to Abingdon and you saw what that city looked like. Want me to continue?"

I was angry; at what or who I didn't know. Thor dismounted and tied his horse off to the wagon then slowly pulled me off the wagon seat and into his arms. I cried. Oh how I cried. By the time I was finished I was weak in the knees and barely able to keep myself upright.

Trying to pull myself together I told him, "It's the shock of it is all. I shouldn't have expected anything else but I did. And this gives me even less confidence in the farm being untouched."

"Don't lose hope," Thor rumbled. "We won't know for sure until we see it with our own eyes."

I was resigned to what his tone was saying. "You still want to look around."

"We need to see if there is any clue to what happened," he said trying to coax me to understand.

"People went nuts is what happened. This is the kind of damage we saw in the bigger cities. That it happened here is just crazy. Damascus may qualify for being a dot on the map for some folks but we saw plenty of smaller towns. There weren't quite a thousand people here in the off season but we do know how to handle large crowds. When Trails Days come around the population explodes and can get kind of crazy … but it is an organized kind of crazy. No way would the townspeople just sit back and let something like this happen."

Thor, calm like I needed him to be said, "OK, then try and figure out what … or why. It could be important."

I did as he said and tried to focus. After a moment of thought I said, "The highway, they closed the Jeb Stuart; maybe there was an accident further into the rec area and they were trying to prevent more people clogging up the road."

"Or," Thor said. "They were trying to contain something that was in the town or rec area."

"Like what?"

"I don't know Hon. I'm just thinking aloud. An illness? We've seen that in our travels."

"Sick people … physically sick I mean … wouldn't do this. They wouldn't have the energy to. And if there was a bad sickness where are the bodies?" I didn't want to have to contemplate that part of it but I had to. "Maybe people from the Richmond and Roanoke areas headed into the mountains. No. That would have come after the EMP."

"Not necessarily. Remember what you drove through before the EMP? Rumors could have sent people looking for shelter … or at least running from the cities like rats from a sinking ship. Many people would have thought the rec areas, national forests, and relatives that lived back in the sticks would be perfect places to hide out for a while. Just like we've seen all along, the EMP would have put all of those people still traveling out on their feet. Damascus would have been the first 'civilization' some of them would have seen for who knows how long. If they couldn't get the help they thought they deserved … who knows?"

"Plausible," I admitted. "But it doesn't explain the lack of cars on the roads. The Jeb Stuart, at least the parts we seen, have been pretty clean. And it sure doesn't explain the dump truck trying to get a hair do."

My sarcasm brought a momentary and unexpected smile to both of us. Thor nodded and kissed the top of my bandana covered head before saying, "Hon, this doesn't all have to have happened in a single day. It could have been like a car crash derby before the EMP and then afterwards people could have come in on foot … en mass or in dribs and drabs … and then rioted then as well. The domino effect. We may never know for sure but we should still look around. Thirty minutes … if we don't see anything we'll leave."

Once we started looking I was amazed at what was gone … and what wasn't. The bike shops made sense. But it was how they were looted that was stupid. All of the whole bikes were gone but the back was full of expensive spare parts and tires, cans of air to refill the tires and shelves of other things like bike trail gear. The food was gone from all of the obvious places like Mojoe's Trailside Coffeehouse and the Whistlepig Bistro but if you went looking in the back there were paper products, staples, cleaning supplies, a few commercial sized cans of things and other stuff that shouldn't have been overlooked if anyone had been using commonsense. Another oddity was when I went to grab some plastic bags from the convenience mart … or any other place for that matter … to carry off some of the booty there were absolutely none to be found. You could see the boxes they normally came in thrown to the side but the bag themselves were gone.

In the storage rooms of the salon and barber shop there were still a decent number of unopened bottles of their hygiene products yet there were obvious and specific gaps in the inventory like someone had focused on their favorite brands to the exclusion of everything else. Even stranger were the stores that my dad used to say catered to the hippie tourists. There were only a couple and they were down by Sundog Outfitters but when we looked in we saw that they were somehow more empty than any other place around and had been emptied in such a way to set them apart.

I did grab some things out of Sundog's and out of the Mount Roger's outfitter store. When I noticed that I was starting to take things to just take them I stopped and looked in the wagon. I shook my head and realized I was starting to get the heebies and really did need to get out of the area. "Thor, let's get out of here. Please. We can come back later and I want to check on Uncle Bentley. If he believed I was alive maybe he left me a message."

"Hon …"

I shook my head and then got back onto the wagon seat. "I know Thor. The likelihood of him being there is slim. But you don't know him. Even if he isn't at his house he could be out in the mountains. Uncle Bentley was like that. In a way he is like Mr. Dinks, he prefers the backcountry; he calls it communing with God. Not even Aunt Bettie Sue could keep him still for long. Sometimes he is gone for weeks on end, only getting near civilization long enough to pick up the next crew that he was shepherding along the deep country trails."

When Thor looked like he would object I said, "And the cemetery is right there by his place too. At least the one where Mom's people are all buried. The Charbonneau's were buried in the family plot on the farm. I'm not sure if he would have … uh … taken them all the way out there."

Thor looked at me and then sighed. "I just don't want you to be disappointed and hurt again … at least not so soon. We don't even know if he made it back at all. Or that he was even able … er …"

"Able to get my parents' bodies back?" At his nod I said, "Those bodies weren't my parents. They were just … just husks leftover that my parents used to use. My parents are in Heaven and I will see them again one day. If Uncle Bentley … well, if he couldn't, I forgive him if he needs it. It isn't anything I could have done myself. But I still want to know. I still need to know."

"All right Hon. But we go in slow and easy. We still don't know what happened around here and until we do, or at least have a better handle on who, if anyone, is left we take as many precautions as I feel are needed. Understand?"

I agreed that made sense and we set off. Uncle Bentley's place was just outside of town between the highway and Laurel Creek; the cemetery was across the other side of the highway. We drove right up to his place. Thor and I went and knocked … and knocked several more times. We went inside the unlocked door … unlocked … to find a tidy place that hadn't been ransacked at all.

Thor canvassed the other rooms and I went into the kitchen. The ashes in the stove were fresh and the coffee on the now cold burner had to have been from the morning. Excitement poured through me. I turned to run through the house and call for Thor but he was already there and putting his hand over my mouth.

At my alarm he whispered in my ear, "No one here but there looks to be about three people in addition to whoever is in the master bedroom. Could be even more if they have sleeping buddies. I think I found your beauty hog in the back bedroom, there are boxes of hair crap stacked in there. Another … guy I'm pretty sure … is a drinker; the room reeks of old wine and there's empty bottles piled in recycling boxes."

I nodded then followed him back out onto the porch. We looked all around the place but found not a single person. There were two kayaks on Uncle Bentley's boat ramp but they both had holes in them. One looked like the hole was from a bad rock impact on the rapids but the other was either drilled with a hand tool or more than likely drilled with a bullet the way the fiberglass was shattered around hole.

Suddenly a shot rang out and then another. "Rocky!" The pain-filled yell came from the cemetery. I knew Uncle Bentley's voice. He'd been like a second father to me and I couldn't help but respond.

I ripped the shotgun down from my shoulder and took off for the nearest stand of graves using the trees and bushes as cover. Thor was right behind me and then there was another shot and I was going down. But not from being shot.

I rolled over and tried to ask Thor why he'd thought the middle of the highway was a good place to push me down. Only Thor wasn't answering me and there was a spreading read stain on the front of his shirt.

"No! No, no, no, no," I panted in disbelief.

More shots were fired but they weren't coming our direction. I got up and dragged Thor over behind tall, old headstones in the oldest part of the cemetery. "Thor!" I whispered. "Thor! Don't do this to me. Don't you dare die. I'll kill you if you do, I swear I will."

I felt for a pulse and found one and then shook the crazy out of my head and went to work using the first aid that I'd learned as a scout and as a rescuer going after lost hikers. The shot had gone in and out through his right shoulder. It didn't look like it hit anything vital. There was blood but it wasn't arterial. My biggest worry was shock. I put my own jacket over him and prayed hard.

When I had done what I could for Thor I turned back to the fight. I could see three bodies … two women and a man … sprawled not too far away. They were obviously dead or so close to it as made no difference.

"Rocky girl," came a pain filled whisper.

I jerked my head toward the source and Uncle Bentley leaned around a headstone about twelve feet away. He held up four bloody fingers and then pointed towards another grouping of old headstones. I'm no stone cold killer but I was not going to let those people get away with shooting Thor nor whatever it was that they'd done to Uncle Bentley.

During my time with them the men had taught me a lot and my experience on the road had taught me how to implement it and take advantage of my size and strength. When Uncle Bentley acted like he was going to protect me I shook my head and something in my face stopped him and he just stared at me. I'd seen the look before, just never on his face, but I didn't have time to worry about it.

I don't need to write the details. Suffice it to say that three of the four never even knew what hit them. The fourth was a woman, once extremely pretty but now more haglike than anything else, and right before I got to her she jumped up and headed straight for Uncle Bentley's hiding place. She was whacked out on something if her eyes were any indication. Her screaming, "Balance must be re-established!" didn't make me give her much credit for sanity either.

I shot her but not before she got off a good shot that took Uncle Bentley down. I stood and then quickly made sure no one was left alive from the other side and then ran over only to find Uncle Bentley and a now conscious Thor aiming their weapons at each other. I was closer to Uncle Bentley and kicked his gun out of his hand.

"No! Uncle B, that's my husband!"

He wasn't long for wakefulness and said, "Your … husband?" as he fell over sideways.

I ran to Thor who had fallen back as well.

"Hon, find a hole, crawl in … stay … safe … love …." He was unconscious again but if he thought I was going to leave him – or Uncle Bentley – he must have banged his head on that concrete harder than I thought he had.


	67. Chapter 67

Chapter 67

I refused to panic. That doesn't mean I wasn't leaning that direction, just that I refused to fall off the precipice. I had to make some serious decisions – in as little time as possible – before I took another step.

Were the men's conditions stable? Stable enough to move? Yes. Thor was pale, but that was to be expected. I could still see color beyond the paleness and another plus was that his pulse was strong though a little erratically paced. I could tell he was chilled and I wrapped my jacket around him more securely. He tried to stir but his eyes only rolled around a bit but it still gave me hope and when I kissed his forehead I swear he smiled a bit. Uncle Bentley, however on closer inspection, was much worse than I had realized at first glance. I was shocked to see a wrapped stump where his right foot should have been. The bandages were relatively fresh, or so it appeared, but I could see that the ace wrap that covered them showed places had been oozing at some point. He had a gray pallor that worried me. Still and all I assumed if he was strong enough to be out shooting it up in a graveyard I'd be able to move him.

But move them to where? What was my destination? With the men stabilized I had the option of staying at Uncle Bentley's place or continuing on to the farm … or anywhere in between as well as going back to the town, maybe even the clinic. I gave this one lots of thought while I moved both men closer to the wagon. Uncle Bentley was obviously in the worst shape; he didn't regain consciousness when I carried him and in addition to the amputation and two minor bullet wounds, I realized he had lost a significant amount of weight. He had already been built like a banty rooster, slighter of build than my father, but now he felt bird breasted. I moved him on the lee side of the wagon, out of the wind, and covered him up with blankets I had ripped off of his own bed.

Thor did regain consciousness briefly which was a relief. What was annoying was his insistence on me leaving him to find a hiding spot. "Something … wrong," he groaned.

Trying not to snort at the obvious while I bore most of his considerable weight I said, "You were shot. Be easy now and don't fight me or we'll both take a header."

"No … something … else. Not me. Place … wrong."

"Easy Thor. I know something crazy is going on. I'm trying …"

He moaned as I put him down through I know he tried not to. That hole hadn't been made by any little 22lr and I was sure it needed cleaning asap. "Not here. Get to the farm. Hole up there," he whispered and then he was out again though it was obvious he was fighting his weakness.

That was one vote for the farm. Part of me wanted to say, "Heck yeah, let's go!" On the other hand Thor wasn't completely with it and I needed to be sure of my choices for us all, especially since I wasn't sure what I would find if we did go to the farm.

Despite the amount of thought I was putting into each step, things were moving very quickly. The one thing I was sure of was that I wasn't going to leave those guns in the graveyard for someone else to pick up. I ran back over and just threw weapons and ammo into a burlap bag I'd grabbed from the wagon. It was when I was tearing the gun out of the last woman's hand that I saw it; a green and blue braided wire bracelet.

The eco-movements used symbology a lot but had few major symbols that were distinctly their own; even the recycling symbol had started out as a non-verbal sign rather than as an environmental logo. But when the eco-terrorists known commonly as the "greenies" came out from under their rocks they'd started using a green and blue braided circle to identify their members. It became a bit of a fashion statement … like the old peace sign … and most people who wore it didn't understand what it really stood for. But I was betting she had, right down to her hemp jeans, recycled plastic t-shirt and wool-felt Birkenstock clogs worn with unbleached cotton socks.

I ran back to the wagon and put the burlap bag under the wagon seat. My mind had been made up, especially after I double checked the house and found more circumstantial evidence supporting my theory. There was no way I was going to stay in a house that was a known greenie hang out.

As I stormed through the house – all but swearing at Uncle Bentley for being fool enough to fall for a piece of eco-trash half his age – I gathered up odds and ends; more ammo, coffee, the medical supply box on Uncle B's dresser, the few cans of food left in the pantry, extra sheets from the hall linen closet. I tied this stuff onto Thor's horse's saddle, threw more bedding in the back of the wagon and only by the grace of God managed to get both men back there and secured without hurting them or myself.

I climbed in the wagon and had to pray for forgiveness when I spat in the direction of the bodies in the graveyard as we passed. When I had been running around the side effects of the adrenaline pumping through my veins hadn't been too bad. Now that I was sitting in the wagon seat again and trying to stay calm so I could drive along the narrow and winding forestry roads I was starting to shake like a leaf. It didn't help that my jacket was still wrapped around Thor and the temp in the shade of the trees was cool enough without being exacerbated by the wind that was starting to kick up as the sun made its way toward late afternoon.

Trying desperately to focus on the immediate priorities I kept my eyes on the road and my ears open for any potential pursuers. Twist, turn, switchback, grade up, grade down, backtrack for a small slide, move that tree out of the way … and what the heck is that?! A box van was literally stuck between two trees facing down towards the ravine that edged the piece of road I was currently on. I nearly passed on but stopped as Thor had heard me muttering.

"Hon," he said through gritted teeth.

I jerked the horse to a stand and turned with all the words tumbling out of my mouth. "Thor! How do you feel? Dumb question, sorry. Are you in pain … no that's another dumb …"

"Breathe," he wheezed. "See what is in that van."

"Thor …"

"I'm fine and the old guy beside me is still out of it."

Rather than argue with someone that could be as stubborn as a stump I hopped down and slid through the damp fallen leaves to the spot where the van had hung up. What was left of two bodies were scattered in and around the outside of the cab. When I saw that I backed up and started to watch where I put my feet. There had been plenty of stains all over inside the cab so I'm guessing they died and had started to decompose before the bear – and I could see it was a bear from the claw marks on the door – had gotten inside and done what bears do.

The back of the box truck was only closed with a door lever but the angle was weird and I had to put some muscle into lifting the door. The back was full of cardboard boxes. I pulled out the first one I could grab without a hassle and used my pocket knife to open it. After I had determined what was in the box I carefully shut the door and locked it with the lever. If no one had broken into it by now I didn't really worry they would any time soon. I carried the box back to the wagon and set it beside me, climbed in, and slapped the reins to get us going again.

"What?" Thor asked.

"Jonathon's grandmother. She really had sent some things out to the farm, they just never made it. They may have been driving too fast and missed the curve. It happens all the time around here, even the local kids get complacent and do it."

"And?"

I tried not to laugh sadly, "Same sort of stuff she considered survival food when we had been traveling together. The box I opened was freeze dried ice cream and an expensive brand of trail mix. Lord alone knows what is in the rest of the boxes."

"You … you know what this means," he wheezed.

I nodded, expressing some gratitude in my tone as I answered, "It should mean that no one found the farm but that's not a guarantee yet; someone could have come overland and stumbled into the place."

I heard him moving around, or trying to. "Don't Thor. You need …"

"You need back up more. You need me … to … to …"

Exasperated I stopped the wagon again. In the end I was forced to pull back some of the wagon canvas and prop him up so he could at least pretend that he wasn't so hurt that he was more hindrance than help.

"Honest to Pete you're going to kill yourself at this rate," I told him, not even trying to hide my impatience with his bullheadedness.

"You are not going to do this by yourself. Now stop giving me lip woman and let's get going."

I grumbled, "Backseat driver." In reality I was a little ashamed at how pathetically grateful I was that Thor, even in his state, would put himself at risk to support me.

"How in the …? No wonder no one can find your place," Thor said in disbelief.

Completely understanding what he meant I said, "It actually isn't that hard after you've been walked through it a couple of times. It is just a matter of cross and recrossing and then going through a couple of places that don't look like you can go through … optical illusions sort of. Once you know they're there though you wonder how you didn't see it to begin with."

The wagon was on the part of the road that ran beside a tributary to Laurel Creek. Most of the year hip waders would get you from one side to the other without getting a drop on you but there were a couple of rocky places that were good for some fast kayaking and closer to the back of the farm there were a couple of small waterfalls. Then the main gate stood tall in front of us.

"What the heck is that?" Thor asked, completely flummoxed.

"We use it to keep King Kong out," I told him with a small laugh at his surprise. Actually it wasn't a wooden gate at all despite how it looked. My dad had found a whole pile of these artificial "logs" made from recycled plastic that the NPS had dumped on our land and then hadn't been able to find again. It was supposed to be for trail rehabilitation but they'd missed the trail by nearly a mile. We sure as heck weren't giving them directions since we'd already been having problems with them criss crossing our fields and disturbing some new plantings, but we did give them through spring to claim them, they just never did. We took the abandoned "logs" and rebuilt the main gate, one of the docks, and a few other things and saved a ton of money in the process.

As we'd driven I'd already seen how the grass had grown rampantly along the road though it had died back from at least one frost. It was no different beyond the gates of the farm. After about sixty feet of narrow drive the land opened up and I could hear Thor gasp. The farm nestled in a hollow. The house was built into the mountain side that was least suited for terracing and the cabin was directly below it on a piece of flat, rocky soil. The barns and other outbuildings were built in the same way except for the old cantilevered barn that sat between the yard lot and kitchen garden and the fields closest to the house. Some of the fields were terraced as were the orchard, the berry hedges, and the grape arbor. Everything had a nasty, neglected feel to it that made me bitter and sad.

"Thor …" But he was out again and despite that I could see the pain etched in his face like it had been cut with jagged glass.

I pulled the wagon over to the house and looking carefully around I made my way to the side door. One of the things I had grabbed at Uncle Bentley's place was the spare keys that were right where he always hung them on the nail inside the pantry. The locks were stubborn from disuse but I finally heard the click as the bolt pulled back and the door swung open with a soul jarring squeal.

My mother would have cried in disgust and dismay but from what I could see in the few rooms I walked through it was mostly dust. The bathrooms had some mildew in them but I knew how to take care of that. We'd drained the water lines before we had left – plumbing was my father's bane but it was better to be safe than sorry – and I didn't see any water damage anyplace.

I wasn't ready to take over my parents' bedroom yet so I went to my bedroom and made sure that I could put Thor in the bed. He wasn't a treat to get up the stairs but I did manage it despite or perhaps in spite of him trying to help. I promised him I would be back soon to take care of him then ran down and carried in Uncle Bentley. I had thought to put him in one of the spare rooms … Dad had built the house when he and Mom had planned to have a large family … but then thought better of it. I made a soft pallet for him in the living room on the fold out sofa and then lit a fire in that fire place before going up stairs and lighting a fire in the small wood stove in my room.

Both men were unconscious again so I ran out to take care of the horses. My eyes skimmed the nearby chicken coop but didn't see a single bird … not even a feather. But I nearly wet myself when I walked into the barn. There were chickens roosting all over the place and they were none too happy that I was letting the cold air in. I looked over and had an idea of what had happened. A panel had fallen off of the small feed silo my dad had built in the corner and after putting the horses in separate stalls I walked over and looked inside. There wasn't much left, maybe a week's worth at most.

I looked around and came face to face with Foghorn, the king of the hen house. "Well you and that corn certainly explain a few things. Here you've been sitting fat and sassy with your harem, not a care in the world, and I've been fighting everything but zombies to cross this country feeling bad about how your feathery backside suffered before you died."

All Foghorn did was peck at me before strutting towards one particularly plump Rhode Island Red. I looked away, giving them some privacy and finished taking care of the horses as quickly as I could.

I brought more wood with me to keep the fires going, found the kerosene lamps Mom had always kept handy, and banished the dark from the rooms I would be working in. And it wasn't pleasant work.

It may have been selfish but I took care of Thor first. I didn't find any dirt in his wound but I did pull out a couple of strings of thread which meant I'd have to clean it again. I'm glad that Thor passed out the first time around. Then I did what I could to disinfect and protect the wound so it could start healing. I used one of those thermometers that you stick in an ear to measure his temperature and it was running a little warm but it was still under a hundred.

"Listen you … you are not allowed to get an infection. As soon as you wake up I'm going to give you something Dad always kept on hand for if the animals got a puncture wound. I know it is OK for people because the doc said it was ok to give it to me that summer Dad stepped on that nail. You also need to drink lots of water so that you don't get dehydrated and your body can replace the blood it has lost. I don't know if you can hear me or not but I put a bell beside your hand. When you wake up, if I'm not here, you ring it and I'll come running."

I went back downstairs and this time it was to find Uncle Bentley awake but glassy-eyed.

"I … I thought I was dreaming again," he croaked.

"No Uncle B, you're not dreaming." I tried to hug him but it was like hugging a bag of sand. I started cleaning him up and taking care of him the best I could. The bullet wounds were minor; didn't even really qualify for much more than burns. Neither one of us spoke, it was weird but I was starting to feel a little shocky myself by that point.

When I went to unwrap the stump he said, "No!"

"Uncle B, I don't know what has happened or when but that dressing needs to be changed."

"I'll change it myself when I'm good and ready."

I shook my head, "Uncle B, please. Let me take care of you."

In a strange tone he said, "Yeah, I've heard that before."

"Not from me you haven't. Dad would have my head if I ever lied to you or didn't do my best. You know he and Mom wouldn't rest if they thought they could do anything for you."

It took several moments but he finally let me do what I had set out to do. I nearly vomited and had to turn my back to him so he wouldn't see my face.

"No need to hide it from me. I started smelling it yesterday. It's been a month, I thought I had gotten it all."

I swallowed hard and asked, "Gotten what?"

"That idiot left a wine bottle on the stairs. I stepped on it and the shards went right through my moccasins."

"Who?"

"Willis, Jen's brother."

I thought and then said, "Jen was the lady you were seeing."

"Jen was no lady. It was nothing but a convenience for both of us," was his harsh answer. Then he continued. "The foot got infected no matter what I did. I nursed it along and then last month I couldn't put it off any longer. None of them would help me so I had to cut it off myself with a hatchet on the porch."

"Oh Uncle Bentley."

"Don't. I neither want nor need your pity."

"What pity?! I'm angry that they'd leave you alone like that."

In a dry, gravelly voice he said, "Being alone is the only way."

"Not the only way Uncle Bentley. I'm here now and I'll take care of you until you can take care of yourself."

All he did was give me a contemptuous look but he did allow me to get him more comfortable and to give him one of the pain pills I found in the box of medical supplies. He lay by the fire and drowsed in and out. I could see what I thought was fever in his eyes but he wouldn't let me check or give him anything for it. I figured whatever shock he was in would wear off after a decent meal and his pain meds kicked in.

To keep him talking but his silence was eerie I asked, "What happened? I got your story from Aunt Belle but not what has happened sense."

"Stopped there did you?"

"Yes sir."

"Figures. You're fairly predictable, that's why I stopped there."

I just looked at him waiting for him to explain but he never did. I finally had to ask again, "What happened after you left Ewing?"

"Are you stupid? Went overland and made it back to Damascus of course." I winced. Uncle Bentley was really off his rocker. He'd never talked to me like that in my whole life and in fact had protected me nearly as much as my parents had when he'd been around.

"I met their roadblock and with Jen there it was easy to get through. She was young but she knew how to work people. But what I want to know from you is how did you survive San Francisco?"

So I explained to him. All of it down to the smallest detail, reliving that night like I was living it for the first time, up to when Jonathon and I had made it to his grandmother's house. Then I broke down and cried. "Oh Uncle Bentley, it all feels like it was my fault."

In a voice nearly unrecognizable he said, "Of course it's your fault."


	68. Chapter 68

Chapter 68

"Uncle … Uncle Bentley?" This was the man that beat off three reporters that had tried to abduct me when I was four years old. This was the man that stood between me and a pit bull that someone had set on me when I was seven. This was the man that had stood beside my father and dared any man to deny me the right to at least try and play football. This was the man that had taught me how to kayak, had been one of my 4H sponsors, had been the one my parents always put down as an emergency contact if they couldn't be reached. This was the man that until that moment I had never expected to have to defend myself against.

"Of course it's your fault. You were never supposed to have been born."

"I … I don't understand. Uncle …"

"Don't call me that. I put up with it for eighteen years for Buck's sake but now that you've killed him I'll be ! #$&% if I'll put up with it anymore."

I just shook my head, disbelieving. Maybe I was the one with the fever. Uncle B … the Uncle Bentley I knew … would never say such words to me in such a hateful way.

In an even nastier tone he asked, "What have you been doing? Dancing naked in the moonlight, celebrating your freedom from your parents? Fornicating with that other freak you were with? Come to take Buck's land like you actually some right to it? You don't really think I would let you make more little freaks to pollute the world with did you?"

A horrible suspicion struck me. And it stiffened my spine as well. "Thor is not a freak. He's not a GWB or anything like that. He's just a big man. And he is my husband."

A snorting laugh preceded, "Your husband?! People get married … freaks fornicate and procreate if they aren't fixed fast enough. The law …"

"That law was struck down as unconstitutional! You can't force people to take and pass genetic screening tests before they are allowed to get a marriage license or have children." I was in shock but I was also angry. I had to know how far this betrayal went.

I snarled, "Did your little girlfriend teach you to talk that way? Did she give you a blue and green bracelet to have as your own? Or did she put it through your nose like a ring to lead you around with?"

A cackle was my answer. "Those green idiots?! You really think those losers knew what they were doing? That I would be a part of their pathetic movement? They never would have gotten past first base if the Twelvers hadn't decided to use them for their own purposes."

"You're a Twelver?!"

Rhetorically to the room he asked, "How could someone so stupid possibly be related to Buck?" To me he said, "It must be some of your mother's dimwittedness coming through."

I jumped to my feet, "Don't you dare talk about my mother like that!"

"I'll talk about her anyway I please. If she had listened to Bettie Sue and let the doctors do what they wanted to they could have started over if they just had to have a kid. God alone knows why they wanted one, there were enough of the little vermin running around and despite everything probably still are."

I just looked at this man and tried to find a reason for his behavior. "You've … you've had some kind of breakdown. Between the hardships of your journey, the grief over my parents, whatever it is that woman and her friends did to you, and now your … your injury … that's it, you've … you've had a breakdown."

"I haven't had a breakdown you fool. And stop changing the subject. This is your fault, all of it is. The fact that you breathe, that you exist, has caused all this misery in the world. I'm no greenie. I couldn't agree with their methods but I did sympathize with their goals. Too many people. Too much pollution. Too many more being born every day … using up the resources, fouling the land and the water, wrecking the future we could have in this country … God's country."

My emotions beat at me. "Dad couldn't have known how you felt. He never would have tolerated it. He certainly wouldn't have trusted you to be my guardian in case something should happen to them."

"Buck knew how I felt about people. I never hid it from anyone. He knew I had my concerns about you, concerns that you might be surprised he shared in part like whether you should ever get married and have children." I knew that wasn't true as soon as he'd said it because Dad talked to me. His problem was that he thought I was too young, not that I shouldn't ever do it. Uncle Bentley continued to talk. "No matter how I felt however I would never have hurt you because it would have hurt Buck and your mother. The only reason I stood by you all this time is because of Buck. It's not his fault the devil played games with your DNA. It might have been a different situation if your mother could still have kids after you but … you ruined that too. Buck was my best friend, more of a brother to me than my own were. And you killed him."

I screamed, "I … did … not! The greenies and Twelvers did that. You told that to Aunt Belle yourself, that you saw the security tapes."

"I didn't see the security tapes you idiot, I was there … right there! I witnessed it all. Jen told me what was going to happen. I could have killed her but instead I used her. When I got the location we flew out there; I asked the twit if she wanted to watch, knew it would turn her on. Then the little tramp gets the time wrong and I can't get your parents out in time." He suddenly howls like a wounded beast. When he calms back down he tells me, "The only satisfaction I was going to have was to know that you died as they did. Then I saw you and that other freak running away, like cowards, like vermin from the exterminator. I tried to follow but Jen messed things up again and I wound up getting to your hotel room moments after you had left. That idiot brother of Jen's and his boyfriend were freaking out, running off at the mouth about all that was about to go down and how their ride had never shown up. I told them to shut up and then took charge. We went back to the other place, I got your parents' bodies out and then we got to the airport. 'You don't tell me what to do, I tell you what to do' is the way I handled them from there on out. What did you do with the other one anyway? Kill him too?"

He was almost jabbering, like he had had this pent up inside him and the pressure relief valve had finally blown.

"The EMP came earlier than was expected as well. I explained to the little toad lickers that the Twelvers were probably betraying them, that they needed to follow me, that I would save them. I'd get them safely to Damascus. And that's when Jen told me."

"Told you what?" I asked against my will.

"She admitted that she'd been using me all along to create a cover in the community so that 'her people' could set up a Utopian society in the surrounding mountains. They planned to live like the Native Americans had, to use the established trails, live off the land, and to stay away from the cities and let them decay as Gaia or whatever deity of the moment they were worshipping reclaimed them."

A piece of the puzzle fell into place. "That was the roadblocks."

"Yes, the idiots. They pretended to be from the UN and that set people's backs up straight way. They made folks suspicious. And then when they tipped their hand, no one wanted to convert to their earth worship. The green idiots pretended to agree to live and let live and called a town meeting at the school as a show of good will. Instead they poisoned a shipment of food they'd held back for bribes. As people entered their names were ticked off a roster that had been made up from files at City Hall. It was to be a big potluck and it made things as easy as serving Koolaide at Jonestown. I thought it was sweetly ironic that the greenies chose to burn the bodies on the football field. I wanted you to see it so bad, but it's no longer important." He was dispassionate about the town and its people but the next part of the story had him insanely gleeful.

He picked up the glass of water I had left him and took a small sip and continued. "There were two large contingents of them ... the greenie fools I mean. About three hundred in town and then about five hundred or so in and around Grayson Highlands State Park. They were supposed to be keeping people out of the rec area, out of my mountains, but they couldn't seem to find two brain cells to rub together. Their leadership was all incommunicado; they hadn't thought to secure enough long range radios against the EMP and hadn't realized that their short range radios wouldn't work in the mountains. So what did they do? What did the brainless wonders do?! They released some kind of bacteria thinking they would be able to depopulate the displaced crowd the same way they had many of the major cities. But guess what?"

When I didn't answer, only stood staring at him, he screamed, "I said guess what?!"

"I … I don't know."

He laughed like it was a huge joke. "It wasn't a bacteria, it was a virus. A virus! Oh, they eventually killed the people on foot all right. They also killed themselves in the process. Some of the people didn't die right away. Some of them were carriers. They walked into Damascus and wham bam thank you ma'am it worked its way through the people still here – the few townspeople that had escaped the school massacre and most of the green idiots."

Before he could have another screaming fit I asked, "How did you and that group you were with survive?"

"Because I'm not an idiot like everyone else apparently is. I'd heard a man acting strangely had walked into town. I grabbed Jen … she was still useful at that point … and she wouldn't go without her brother and friends. I locked us in and shot anyone that came close. The house was packed and if I hadn't had a generator to keep those idiots pacified with their video games and music I'd have eventually killed them myself. Instead we waited for the infection to burn itself out … and then waited another two weeks to make sure. After that the town was mine … ours. We cleaned up the bodies and then moved on."

Sure he was leaving a lot out I asked, "Then why were they shooting at you in the graveyard?"

"Jen … beautiful Jen. Only you saw her, she wasn't beautiful anymore. She hadn't really understood what the death of civilization meant; none of them had. I wasn't about to leave them free to run off or take over my house and not let me back in. That's my house with all of my secrets. I had to stay there or near there all the time. Instead I sent them out to do my bidding. They had to work for their living, most for the first time in their lives. Really work, not pay someone else with Daddy's money to do it for them. They soon became tired of living off the land for every morsel of food, of doing without … it wasn't 'fun' anymore. Wimps. I knew Buck had kept long term emergency food here at the farm. I drew the brainless wonders a map. The first group found a van of food off the road but got scared by the corpses in the cab. They grabbed what they could carry and came back but then couldn't find it again the second time I sent them out to bring back more. The next party I sent out never came back at all. It rained that night and I figure they either found the van and took enough food to run off or they got lost in the mountains and died. Who gives a #$% either way."

He shook his head in disgust and continued, "Supplies were beginning to dwindle and reality was setting in even for the dumbest of them and some made the choice to self-medicate their worries away. They hit the liquor locations first. There wasn't much of it around town and I thought they'd get over it fast enough then man up. Men?! Jen was more manly than most of those idiots were. Then Willis' boyfriend died in a kayak accident, taking a rapid he had no business taking. Personally I think it was intentional, he wanted to die but was too big of a coward to do it himself. That put Willis over the edge and he started drinking the hard stuff twenty-four seven. One of the girls hung herself and another slit her wrists over in the graveyard. Things went downhill fast from there. When the lot of them weren't drinking they were smoking some pot Willis had been hoarding. When the pot ran out they hit the pharmacy. That's when I stepped on that bottle."

I sat down, trying to absorb what he was telling me; trying to accept the fact that I'd never known my uncle at all.

"It's not that they wouldn't help me cut off the infected foot, it was that they were in no condition to. They were all stoned out of their minds. When I came to after doing it myself I saw Jen holding the foot and looking at it, smelling it. Then she dropped it and said, 'if your foot offends thee cut it off' before laughing like a loon and going back inside. That's when I knew they'd all have to go but I was too weak for a while to do anything about it. And then the pharmacy ran dry and they crashed … and crashed hard. Jen the worst; she was suffering from some kind of drug induced paranoia, mumbling about Gaia's revenge and how balance needed to be restored … none of it made sense but they were all listening to her."

His breathing had grown funny and his skin looked thin and stretched across his face. "You saw what happened. I guess we'd both had enough. I knew if I was going to survive the winter on the meager supplies I had, they would have to go. Even in their mentally impaired state they realized I was done supporting them. It was a stalemate until I took it into my head to end it. While they were all sleeping I left a note saying that I'd taken the last of the drugs in the town over to the graveyard to bury them for safe keeping. Knowing they wouldn't be able to resist I was waiting for them, planned on ambushing them. Then you had to mess that up too when you showed up. I had to leave off getting a good shot at Jen to shoot that monster you were with."

That brought me to my feet again. "What?" I growled. "You shot Thor? You had no reason to. If you had wanted to be left alone we would have fixed you up and then been done it. There was no need …"

"There was every need! I could see how protective he was of you in just those few short minutes, how you felt about him. A blind man could have seen it. It was revolting. I knew I had to get rid of him the same way I had to get rid of that idiot Dink. Both of them would have just gotten in the way."

My eyes were dry but there was a river of tears pouring from my shattered heart. He'd killed Mr. Dink because of me. He'd shot Thor because of me. He believed, truly believed, that my parents were dead because of me.

"Why hurt them? Why not just kill me? Wasn't that the plan all along? Why wait eighteen years to do it?"

"I never would have hurt you because of Buck. I already told you that."

Another thought struck me. "Did … did Aunt Bettie Sue feel the same way?"

"What? Her? That traitorous whore of Babylon?"

In spite of everything he had said, that is what made my eyes nearly fall out of my sockets. He saw it and laughed, "Hah! Had everyone fooled all these years haven't I? Even your mom. But Buck knew. He knew she'd betrayed me, gotten pregnant by some other man when I refused to do the deed. Ever since we'd gotten married she'd been trying to trick me into giving her a baby. She knew how I felt about it but she just kept trying and pushing, wouldn't let it alone. I finally went to the doctor and took care of it myself without telling her. But then she turns up pregnant and I knew. I confronted her and told her I knew, told her how I knew. Oh how she kicked and screamed and cried … then she ran out the door, threatened to tell your parents all she knew about how I really felt about you. I couldn't have that, no I couldn't, so I prayed that God would take care of it and God heard me. Oh yes He did. Of course it didn't hurt that that I'd drained the break lines in the little huzzy's car. It wasn't my fault she died, it was God's choice. I hadn't really wanted her dead, just the brat."

"Did … Did Dad know? About that part?"

He shook his head. "Never even suspected. Just told me I shouldn't feel so guilty for being angry at her, that I couldn't let it eat up my soul. Imagine, out of all the people I knew in my life only Buck ever gave a #$% about my soul. He was the only one that tried to save me right on back to the day my brothers pushed me off Whitehead Bridge."

I'd heard the story so many times growing up that he didn't need to explain. His older brothers were real brutes and had thrown the small and sickly younger boy off of a local bridge with no thought to his survival. My father, just as young but healthier and stronger, jumped into the water and pulled him out and then took him home to his grandfather (my dad's father was already gone more than home by then) who then turned around and had at the older Griffey brothers up one side and down the other with the full support and blessing of the Sheriff of the time who'd had his fill of the brothers as well. Their father had been killed in a mining accident in West Virginia, their mother died shortly afterwards, and the boys had been sent to live with their grandparents. The grandfather didn't live out the year and the grandmother was too ill equipped to raise the two older and already wild boys. My father and Bentley Griffey had been inseparable from that point forward.

"Uncle Bentley …"

"I told you not to call me that," the man growled.

I sighed, "I can't stop feeling something at the drop of a hat. You've been like a second father to me my whole life. You loved my parents, Dad especially; even now I can hear it in your voice. Just because I'm suddenly finding out you've been lying about how you felt about me doesn't make my feelings for you evaporate like a shattered mist. You may be breaking my heart but that doesn't mean the feelings aren't still in there."

"Hogwash You don't know what love is, you can't."

I shrugged not knowing how to explain it or combat his madness. "You're sick. I don't know how much of this to believe. I don't know if it is the infection that has you eat up or just what. I want to give you the benefit of the doubt for Dad's sake if for no other reason. You say you're no greenie … that you never would have hurt me because of Dad. To me that means that you aren't my enemy. Just … just let me … do … do for you what I can. Do it in Dad's memory. Then when you're well I'll … I'll take you back to your house, set you up good. Make sure your have enough …"

"Don't you dare!"

In frustration I asked, "Don't dare what?! What now?!"

"Don't try and blackmail me with your father's memory. You're not worthy to have such a man as a father. While he was alive I would have died for you you little freak and gladly, but it would have been for his sake and not yours. But Buck is gone and it is your fault. You … must … pay." And from under the covers he pulled a small, snub-nosed revolver.

Sadly I looked and told him, "Uncle Bentley, you never gave me a chance to tell you anything of my journey home. And this is my home whether you want to recognize that or not. And the man I was with, Thor, he's a good man, but that isn't all he is. He is also a good teacher. And one of the things that he taught me was to never leave a loaded gun lying around that I wasn't going to have control over."

"Don't try and use your tricks on me. I loaded this gun myself. I've wasted enough breath. Time for you to meet the devil." He pointed the gun …

… and suddenly a blade sprouted from his eye and he collapsed.

I looked over at Thor, unsteady on his feet and leaning on the banister in the darken stairwell. Through tears I told him, "I found the gun in his inner jacket pocket when I brought him in the house. I took care of it then. It was unloaded."

Thor looked me straight in the eye and said, "I know."


	69. Chapter 69

Chapter 69

I glanced at my uncle … and despite his words he would remain my uncle in my mind for the rest of my life, after all every family tree has a few nuts in it … then turned back and slowly walked up the stairs to Thor and gently put my shoulder under his good arm to help him back to bed.

"Did you hear what I said?" he asked.

From a distance I heard myself answer. "Yeah."

"Rochelle … Hon …"

"You did it to protect me." After a pause that gave me a chance to absorb the truth I said, "You did it so I wouldn't have to. Now lean on me and watch that arm as we turn the corner. I want to make sure that you haven't started your wound bleeding again."

He was as quiet and solemn as I was after that, letting me help him back to the room, accepting the antibiotic, drinking a glass of water without me having to coerce him. I got him comfortable and warm – he had started to shiver showing that he was still affected by his blood loss – and then gave him half of one of the pain pills that I'd found because I knew he would never tolerate me trying to make him take a whole one. When I turned to leave he grabbed my hand with his left, "Rochelle …"

I bent down and kissed him gently. I looked him straight in the eye so he knew I was speaking what I believed to be the truth. "If I've learned anything since this all started it's that life isn't a fairy tale. There wasn't going to be a happy ending with Uncle B. He was sick. Where and when that sickness started I don't know – maybe I'll never know – but I'm satisfied to leave it at that. As for what you did? You put a very sick and damaged man in a place where he could no longer be a danger to himself or others. Even if he hadn't been mentally cracked I'm not sure if we could have saved him. I don't know how much you heard …"

His fingers interlocked with mine and tightened briefly. "Enough; back to where you were yelling it was the greenies that had killed your parents."

I nodded. "Then you heard nearly all of it. When I was changing the bandages on the stump … I could see the bone, it looked like something had chewed on it. And there were blisters on the skin that remained and …" I nearly gagged remembering. "I had a pet pig get gangrene once; it was my favorite out of the best litter of piglets from one of my own sows. It followed me everywhere just like a dog. One look at the puncture area and Dad put it down and destroyed the carcass. I was heartbroken but he said it's a poison that is next to impossible to contain once it gets going. He said he was saving the animal a lot of misery and while I could grieve I had to watch out and not be selfish about preferring the pig's company to the pig's comfort." I sighed. "Uncle B said he started smelling it yesterday but that had to be a lie or a fantasy. He chopped off his own foot and that still wasn't enough." I shuddered and couldn't continue.

Thor was already drowsy but didn't want to let me go when I tugged my hand. "Thor, I'll be back as soon as I can. I have to … have to deal with the body. It won't keep. That leg … it won't take long 'til …" I shuddered again tasting the bile as it climbed up my throat this time.

"I … I …" He was starting to have difficulty stringing his words together even though he tried to sit back up.

I gently pushed him back onto the mattress and kissed his lips to stop him, then whispered, "I know."

He sighed and finally released me to do what had to be done. I'd be lying if I said that I didn't shed some tears for the man that had been my uncle in my heart if not in his. It didn't seem to matter that he was as crazy as a rabid boar drunk on sour corn mash. Not even his hateful words could completely erase what he had done for me as a child. I bound his body in his own bedding and then tide it securely with some macramé cord from my mother's work room. Using the moonlight I carried the corpse down to the cabin and then further down into the old root cellar. It was cold down in there and the body would keep and not draw predators; I was in no mood to deal with a bear and the messy destruction it would cause.

I'd be glad when November came and the bears started taking longer naps. Most people don't realize that black bears in the Smokies don't really hibernate in deep sleep all winter. Some of them took little more than long cat naps, getting up and moving around anytime it warmed up a little. I'd tracked more than one bear out of the area by following its prints in the snow. That led me to barn one more time to make sure all was safe.

I checked the horses and found them to be very content to be left alone in their stalls. No tracks around the outside as far as I could see, but I was annoyed to find the carcass of a large mouse near the hay. Foghorn must have attacked it because I hadn't seen Boots or Barney – twin feline hellions that took their job as mousers serious enough to run a human down if they got in the way. I loosened some fresh hay into each of the horse stalls and got a friendly chuff from both of them for the extra attention.

I didn't want to waste anymore kerosene working in the dark but I had to do something to work off the shakes that were beginning to set in. I decided to bring in all of the food from the wagon, especially the potatoes. No sense in leaving a temptation for the wild critters or waking up to find mice had gotten into everything.

I was thankful that the wheelbarrow wheel wasn't deflated; using the barrow made it a lot easier and faster to empty the wagon. In fact, once I started I couldn't seem to stop. The entire contents of the wagon was soon deposited on the living room floor and I closed and barred the barn door for the last time that evening.

It would make too much noise to trying and put everything away so I decided to do a more thorough walk through of the house and make a list of what needed to be done and try and prioritize it. I grabbed a pad of paper and pencil from my room when I checked on Thor and finally started the task I had set myself. Every step brought back memories but I tried to keep them in check. My grandmothers had given me good examples of how you could deal with grief constructively no matter how deep the pain and warned me away from destructive behaviors that only led to more hurt.

It again impressed me that there was very little wrong with the house that a thorough cleaning wouldn't take care of. I gave prayers of thanksgiving when I didn't see a single mouse dropping. The broken glass was a problem since the windows were thick and double paned but I knew how to replace them with the spares that Dad kept in his workshop; the experience learned after Jonathon and I had done a number on one with a foul ball one summer.

I was growing weary but unable to rest so I continued down into the basement. As expected no damp showed. Dad had grown up in a house that had sat beside the cabin that he had since torn down and hadn't wanted to deal with the same problems in any home that he built. The floor was poured, decorative concrete that had flecks of stuff mixed it to make it look like terrazzo. One wall was completely faced with native stone and the large fireplace and built in shelves surrounding it took up the whole of it. More built in storage shelves covered another long wall and I went over and used the hidden lever to open one of the sections. In that small space was all of the gizmos, wires, and such that ran the house. I'd need to check the propane level in the tank but once I made the switch over to the whole house generator we could run what we wanted … or not. Better not to count your chickens before they're hatched. We heated with wood but the other appliances and the house lights ran on propane and some solar. Even if it worked, the propane wouldn't last forever and I'd learned to do without on the road home. I could always cook on the big wood stove in the canning kitchen or in any of the fireplaces in the house, including the one in the basement that Dad had put cast iron cranes in as well as a rotisserie that he had built himself. To be honest I'd be happy just to get the well and hot water tank up and running. I'd already seen that the windmill was still working in the livestock lot but I wanted to take a hot shower every now and again.

I closed that door and then opened the next panel - this one opening into the larger, hidden storage area that Dad had put so much work into. Knowing now what I didn't know then I realized that while everything in the room would be a blessing, it would likely only get us through until spring planting time if it's all we ate. I'd already seen the upstairs kitchen pantry was still as full as I remembered, but not as full as we would need to get us through until the main harvest season.

My head was whirling. I had a ton of things that absolutely needed to be done but Thor's care came first. I needed to check the orchard; food couldn't be wasted. I needed to take the wagon and empty that van before it fell the rest of the way into the ravine. I needed to cut more wood; the first snow would fly soon. I needed to get back to Uncle B's place … and the rest of the town … and salvage what I could before the weather damaged it all. I had to bury the body.

And then I realized I'd never asked him where he'd laid my parents' bodies to rest. That did it. I laid my head down on the table and let the grief finally take me for a while. When I was done I'd bled most of the remaining poison off and taken my new load up. Never again would I cry so hard and so long. I used a kitchen towel to wipe my face and then I went upstairs, undressed and put on one of my flannel nightgowns from my own closet, and then curled up in the overstuffed chair that I'd always used for reading.

The sun woke me about the same time I heard a familiar cursing voice from down the hall. I jumped up and raced to the bathroom. "Thor?!"

A falsely jovial voice asked me, "You finally awake sleepy head?"

"Don't make me feel worse than I already do," I said, the memory of the previous day crashing into me. "What fell and why are you cursing about it?"

"A man needs some pride," he growled.

"Don't start that again; I thought we'd been through that last time you got hurt," I told him not bothering to hide my impatience.

The door finally opened and I noticed that wasn't all that was open. He hadn't been able to zip or button up. "You don't honestly think you are going to get dressed and wander around do you?"

"Ro-chelle …"

I shook my head. "Don't you growl at me. I could have … l-l-lost you in an instant yest … yesterday. And you still aren't out of the woods. Now you march right back into that room and climb in that bed and … and if you don't mind me I'll strip you myself and tie you down."

He opened his mouth on an angry retort then got a funny look on his face, looked at me and then said, "You know, that right there's got possibilities."

I couldn't help it, I started laughing. And then I was leaning into him while he used the wall as support. Unfortunately the laughter turned to tears, but only briefly. I'd cried out most of it the previous night.

He finally let me help him back to bed, paler and in more pain that he wanted to admit. I gave him another dose of antibiotic but he insisted the pain pill only be a quarter this time. "I need to stay awake. Those things must be powerful if a half one knocked me out like it did."

"That was reaction more than anything. And blood loss. If the quarter doesn't do anything …"

"We'll see. Now tell me what has been going on, why you were sleeping in that chair instead of beside me, and … and the rest of it including why you are rushing to get dressed like you are."

I sighed, "The bed's too small for both of us; it's only a long twin and I didn't want to take the chance of hitting your arm. I took stock of the house last night; you can look at my list and see what you think of it. I'm getting dressed because the animals need seeing to before they bust the barn door down." I was tucking my shirt tail in as I left the room. "I'll make your breakfast when I come in. Hopefully I can steal some eggs from the hens."

"Hens? What hens?!" he called but I didn't stop as I pounded down the stairs, grabbing my jacket as I went out the door.

The horses were less work than normal since all I really needed to do was turn them out into the corral. The chickens had already found their way out into the yard and were having a high ol' time scratching away as the day warmed up to a better temperature than I had felt in a week. That left a couple of nests easy to find and I stole the eggs that I could. I noted that one of the hens must have turned cannibal because I saw a nest that an egg eater had gotten to, I'd need to figure out which one it was and cull it as I didn't want the behavior in the flock. I took a bucket, cleaned it, and then got some water from the livestock well.

It took another hour but I did manage to provide Thor with a good meal but it was more lunch than breakfast. He nearly wolfed it down while I picked at my own share.

"Hon …"

"I'm sorry Thor, I just can't eat. You want mine?"

He looked hopeful, "You really don't want it?"

"No. I need to get up anyway. I need to go dig a hole," I told him sadly.

"A ...? Oh." He grabbed my hand as I was switching plates with him. "Rochelle, you shouldn't do that by yourself."

"It isn't far. The family plot is just …"

"You heard what I said."

"Yes, I did. But let's be practical. I need you to get well quickly. If I keep asking you to stop healing long enough to come baby me through something then it will be spring before you get your strength back."

"I didn't hear you asking for anything," he grumbled.

I shook my head, "You always know what I want … and need … before it comes out of my mouth." I stopped and sighed. "I'd be a fool not to admit I would rather have you with me but I can't justify selfishly putting your health at risk."

"You're schmoozing me again," he said with a raised eyebrow.

"I am not. It's the truth and you know it."

He shook his head. "It may be the truth but you put it in such a way as to make yourself out to be the bad guy and me some ruddy saint. I don't like it when you do that. We're partners and I don't want you to develop the feeling that I'd ever force you to be that subservient."

"I wouldn't …"

"Yeah well, would or wouldn't, I still don't like it. And I don't like you being right about this either. I want a detailed map where this place is and how to get to you if you aren't back when you say you're going to be back."

I left quickly after that, knowing that Thor wasn't just talking when he said if I wasn't back on the minute I said I would be, no matter what condition he was in he would come looking for me. Knowing my horse would be getting a work out in the coming days pulling the wagon I used Thor's horse to transport the body. It was only three quarter of a mile from the house but it was over in an area that was hilly and surrounded by a copse of trees.

The graves were all marked and taken care of two or three times every season. Because of this even the very oldest ones were mostly still legible and we had a map of all of the burials and whose remains they contained in the family papers. When I walked over to where my parents would have been buried I got a shock. There was a new grave there with stones marking the head and foot. There was a wooden cross with my parents' names on it but the B and C's in my father's name were backwards. The only person I knew that did that was …

"Well now, who be that I wonder."

I turned so fast my head spun. I squealed, "Mr. Dink!"

"Aw now, none 'o that," he complained gleefully when I caught him and hugged him and nearly spun him around. "Do I look like a chew toy?"

'Mr. Dink, oh Mr. Dink!"

In alarm he said, "You ain't going ter start crying are ye?"

I sniffled my tears back and said, "No sir but … oh he said he'd killed you." I was doing everything I could to keep myself together but I was nearly lightheaded from the surprise.

He snorted, "You talking about that crazy Griffey boy. Shame … real shame how he done turned out. Had promise but in the end he chose the same dark road as the older two."

"But how? He … he seemed so certain."

"Yeah and he ain't the first I've fooled that was out for my blood. Ain't saying he didn't nick me but I slid on down into the river and floated away afore he got me good. Got tired of watching that bunch. Got boring seeing 'em do nothing but act crazy. Had to stop watching after he near about killed his self."

"You saw him … saw him cut his foot off?"

"Cut it? The boy chopped it off. Near took his hand off. Even so I was going ter go down and hep him, bring him out to the woods so he could soak up some of God's healing, til that she cat he'd taken up with came out. Figured after that he'd made his bed and he could lie in it or die in it without my help. You got any tobacky?"

"I … I'm not sure Mr. Dink. If there is any left it's in the Burley barn like always. I … I just got back home yesterday."

He nodded and said, "Yep, saw ye. Ye gonna have to bury the other one too?"

"What? No … no … uh … Mr. Dink … the other one, he's my husband."

He gave me a look then grinned his gap tooth grin and said, "Ain't that Johnny, I would have knowd him right off. You went and found you a big 'un. Is he a good 'un too?"

I nodded, overcome and not know how to tell him about my parents. "About …"

"Yer fixin' ter tell me about Buck. Ain't no need. He done tol' me hisself. Tol' me he didn't want ter be buried in that stupid place Bentley planted him, trussed up like some ol' Egyptian. So I dug 'em up, Buck and yer maw, and here they be. When Bentley found out that's when he come after me. Crazy boy. I was the one that taught him and Buck both how to get around in these woods, ain't no man better at it than me. What he thought he was doing I don't know. And now he's come to a bad end. Buck tol' me that too. Always knew he would. Knew it the day I saw him spit on his brother's grave. Cain't nothing good ever come out of that much anger and lack of forgiveness. It poisons yer."

"Dad … Dad told you? About Uncle Bentley?"

"Ayup," he said as he started going through his pockets. "Got any tobacky?"

Used to his ways I told him again if there was any it would be in the barn same as always. "What did? I mean …" I stopped, embarrassed at believing my father's ghost was speaking to this man.

"Oh, some of it was man stuff … young thang like you don't need to know that part … but he said mostly that if you was to choose to bury Bentley beside him and your maw it wouldn't be a bad thing. That he wouldn't be holdin' it again' you are anything foolish like that just in case you was to worry at it. I'm gonna to check the barn. I'm low on me smokes."

The old man wandered away towards the barn where my father always kept some tobacco drying for him and I, praying I hadn't just had a mental breakdown, started digging the grave I'd come to dig. Two hours and four feet later I hit a good sized chunk of granite and knew I'd likely gotten as deep as I was going to get unless I pick another burial site. I laid the body in the hole and it took a lot less time to file in that it had to dig it out.

I rode the horse back to the house and to my amazement saw Thor and Mr. Dink sitting on the porch together. I walked into the yard and Mr. Dink chastised me with a "Yore late. You started your man here to worrying. Fifteen minutes is fifteen minutes Rocky girl."

Feeling bemused I said, "Yes sir. Would you like to stay for dinner?"

He shook his head, "Naw. Need to go check on that woman what's camped over on Fork Mountain. Her and her two kids would go right good with Jace Tanner. His hunting cabin ain't too fur from there. It's good to have something to keep you warm on cold nights. And you best stop yer fooling around young 'un, you ain't got time for it. Snow's gonna fly early this year. The animals say so, dens are all built thick or dug deep. Give it a week, maybe two and we'll be seeing the first flakes of a long winter." He turned to look at Thor and say, "You tell her what I tol' you. And tell her she don't need to plant no more tobackey, ain't gonna need it none I reckon."

We both watched silently as one of the kindest and craziest people I'd ever had the privilege to know walk off into the forest. I shook my head and then laughed, "I never pictured Mr. Dink as a cupid."

I was nearly loopy with relief and some happiness. Part of me felt guilty for all but dancing on Uncle Bentley's grave but it didn't stop me from smiling for the first time in what felt like forever. I did a stupid little jig that had Thor trying not to laugh since it would have jarred his arm and then I flopped down beside him on the porch. "Mr. Dink is alive! What did you think of him?"

He shook his head, "I can honestly say I've never met anyone like him. I never even got the opportunity to raise a weapon on him. He was just there and shaking my hand and congratulating me for having the sense to find a good woman. He sized me up and said something about your father approving the match though it came a little sooner than he would have preferred and then we sat and I swear he had my life story out of me quicker than I could ever imagine."

"Yep, that's Mr. Dink. He doesn't take to many people but I guess he took to you. He's a little fay."

"A … a little what?" Thor asked.

"A little fay … kind of … special, weird, magical, mysterious … he knows things that … that …" I stopped. "What was it he wanted you to tell me?"

Thor shook his head and said, "Later. Right now there's a chicken in the kitchen waiting to be fried up. Dink said that you don't have to worry about any of the rest of them being egg eaters whatever the heck that means." I opened my mouth and then closed it. Yeah, Mr. Dink was fay and I refused to take the beautiful mystery of that away even if it always had creeped me out more than a little.

But the good feeling of finding Mr. Dink alive slowly drained away as the reality of the last few days and our current situation set back in. "Thor …"

"Not until after I've got something in my stomach and can take another one of those pills."

Obviously he knew I was going to tell him I needed to take the wagon and empty the box van tomorrow. Or maybe he didn't know exactly what I was going to tell him but he knew he wasn't going to like it. I reached out and felt his forehead. "You aren't feverish."

"No," he answered quickly.

"But you aren't feeling good."

It took longer for him to answer this time. "That's to be expected. Another day and …"

"I thought you didn't want to talk about it until after you had eaten?" I reminded me.

"I don't need any smart aleckiness Ro-chelle."

I let that go, knowing he was foul because he was hurting and feeling helpless, neither one a place any man wants to find himself. I decided to let dinner put him in a better mood. Stewed potatoes, pinto beans, creamed sweet corn, cornbread with honey, and fried chicken. It was half way through dinner before he started talking again.

"All right. But I go with you. We'll do it like before. I'll prop up in the wagon and …"

I wanted to reached across the table and yank his ear off. But the reality was I knew there was absolutely no talking him out of it. And I couldn't bring myself to lie to him and just set off without him.

The next morning wasn't fun for either of us. Thor was even more sore than the previous day despite the wound looking and smelling clean and there being no fever. I laid a thin mattress cot in the back and bundled him up with blankets so much he complained. "Stop it Rochelle. I won't be able to take a shot if I need to."

"You start shooting with that shoulder being in the shape it is and you'll do it some damage."

We weren't really angry with each other, more our usual nitpicking but it didn't feel appropriate which made us even more aware and cranky. The box van wasn't much bigger than a bread truck but it was completely full. After several different methods I finally settled on emptying a goodly number of boxes, setting them on the road bed, and then when I had a stack on the road bed transferring them to the wagon. It was irritating work as I had to climb down to the van, lift things out at a weird angle, carry it back up to the road and then lift and load the boxes in to the wagon.

Thor was in a lot of pain and by the time we took the first load back to the house I was ready to come up with some excuse to call it a day for his sake. But the man proved to have more sense than I was giving him credit for.

"This isn't working. I don't want to admit it but it isn't working. I'm of absolutely no use to you out there except as a distraction." He stopped and scrubbed his pain-filled face with his large paw of a hand. "Saddle my horse but leave him in the corral. It took us three hours to do this load. I'll give you four to do the next since you'll be able to load the wagon with more boxes. If you aren't back by then I'm coming to look for you. Understand?"

With Thor not around and with me not having to drive quite as slowly to avoid jarring him it didn't take me four hours, it didn't even take me three and I was able to completely clean the van out, including the packet of documents from the cab and draining the diesel fuel from the tank, before the end of the day. The only harrowing part was at the very end I had to scramble out of the back before it completely slipped over the edge. Unloading it had shifted its weight from the back where it hung on part of a fallen log to the front where the engine was located. I didn't tell that to Thor later, nor did I explain how close it had been. I had a feeling he suspected but sometimes ignorance is bliss and he avoided asking though I noted the effort it cost him.

Thor had slept off and on through the day and now that I was bone tired he was still too awake to sleep right off. To appease the anxiety that had set in over being left out I opened the boxes and cases and he helped me to tally up what we had.

Towards the end Thor yawned and said, "I don't care what part of the world you are from, rich people just don't think the same as the rest of us."

I managed a tired chuckle and admitted, "Nana was … different. She came from money; lots of money. She tried to act like your average citizen but the truth is she was just too disconnected from the type of life most of us lived. Oh she cleaned some of her house, washed the occasional dish, cooked a couple of times a month when the hired help had the day off but that's not really enough. Her idea of budgeting was a whole lot different from my parents' that's for doggone sure. I don't even want to know what she paid for all of this … this stuff."

Thor rolling his eyes as he looked at a case of canned items I'd just opened said, "Canned buffalo and elk I can understand, but canned alligator? And canned rattlesnake? Are you telling me you actually ate that stuff before you hooked up with us?"

I snorted, "Yeah. I was hungry. And, despite what it looks like, it wasn't bad. What about you though. I heard some of the stories you guys told. Or was it all tall tales?"

"Hon I've eaten some really raunchy stuff, things I don't even want to remember. But I suppose beggars can't be choosers. Just don't tell me when you feed it to me." I had nudged a can of canned whole baby conch.

"Conch isn't bad. I had it that time the GWBs had a boating summer camp out of the Florida Keys." I laughed but a couple of tears rolled down my cheeks. "Jonathon was seasick the whole entire trip. His brother started calling him puke-face and wouldn't stop until I threatened to toss him overboard with his mouth taped shut so no one could hear him yell for help."

An eyebrow went up. "Mean thing weren't you?"

"Not as mean as Jon … a … thon's …" I was crying again. "Lord what is wrong with me?! Every time I turn around …"

"Come here." And since I wanted to anyway I didn't say anything about the way he was ordering me about. "Stop trying to avoid it. You've been putting it off for months. Now we're home your mind just wants to do what it should have had the chance to do all along … grieve. Don't run from it, it's not healthy. And I don't want you to feel like you have to hide anything from me."

"Please don't go all Dr. Phil on me," I told him half jokingly.

"Who?"

I snorted, "Something my parents used to say. Apparently there used to be some talk show host on TV that played at being a psychologist … or maybe it was the other way around. I looked him up on the internet once it was really creepy."

"Oh you think I'm being creepy?"

"No! And don't try and tickle or you might wind up having to take a whole pain pill instead of just a small piece of one." I sighed. "I've got to go to town tomorrow."

Thor groaned.

"I mean it … and you know it. I need to go by Uncle Bentley's place and then to pick up some stuff in town. It has to be done. If nothing else I need to check out the clinic and the vet's to see if I can find any more antibiotics."

We talked about it some more and I thought we'd worked it all out but about three in the morning Thor woke me up knocking the bell off the bed where it hit me in the head. I'd brought in a cot rather than sleep in the chair another night. He was running a fever.

For three days the fever bounced up and down. I didn't dare leave or even go far from the house. I chopped wood, tried to start the generator which didn't want to cooperate, cleaned the house, packed my parents' clothing away in the cedar closet, and unpacked our stuff and gave it a good washing. Finally Thor started feeling better on the fourth day and by the fifth he was much improved.

He was sitting on the porch while I ran sheets through the mangler and then hung them on the clothes line. "Hon …"

"Thor I've put it off as long as I can and you know it. Mr. Dink said …"

Tired and irritated Thor said, "I still don't know why you believe that. It's a beautiful day. Warm even … or at least warmer than it has been. Why would you think it is suddenly going to up and snow?!"

"Before another week is out there will be flakes coming down. I haven't gone to the orchard. I haven't gone over the town. I …"

"We! We were supposed to do that. Not you alone … us … together!" he growled.

"And who said I'm going to get it all done in a couple of days?"

"Then why do it at all until I can get back on my feet?" he snapped.

Trying not to lose my temper I told him, "Thor, I know this place. We saw for ourselves there weren't enough people left to fill a teacup. I need to go and see what I can manage to get for us. Later ... when the snow starts coming down … I'm going to have to have your help to manage some of the bigger loads but for now I want to see if I can salvage some of the smaller, lighter items. Especially any food around town."

"I heard what Griffey said as well as you. He was down to "meager" supplies. Why do you think you'll find something he didn't?"

"I don't for sure, but given the fact that Uncle Bentley wasn't doing the looking, that those people with him were, it's possible they missed stuff."

"'Those people' were greenies and there could be more of them around."

"Possibly but I doubt it. Even if there are I doubt they are operating in a group of any size. Thor please, I don't want to argue. You know its necessary. If it wasn't I wouldn't leave you, not even for a few hours."

He growled, "I don't need a babysitter woman."

"Argh!" I bellowed. "Do you know you have got to be the worst patient in North America? Possibly even further abroad? If I didn't love you I swear I would …"

"Would what?" he asked quietly.

"I don't know, something desperate," I complained as I hung up the last item from that load, a pillow case I had embroidered for my hope chest at my mother's insistence.

The day had turned warm and I felt sweaty and sticky and totally out of sorts. I didn't relish the idea of going into town alone for lots of reasons, but primarily because of the unwelcome memories that were liable to jump out at me from around every corner.

"You could always try blackmail."

Thor's statement came so far out of left field it took me a moment to turn around and look at him. He wasn't looking at my face. The day had turned warm enough that I'd washed my hair and shaved my legs the night before and I was only in cutoff shorts and a t-shirt that seemed to be a lot smaller in places than it used to be.

All I could do was look at him and shake my head. "You have got to be the most outrageous …"

Then his eyes climbed to mine and he grinned that grin I knew so well … and cherished. On a bit of whimsy I decided to call his bluff. Thinking of every slinky, pouty vixen from the movies I could I slowly walked up to him and put one hand on his shoulder. And he laughed spoiling it.

"What are you doing?" he snorted between belly chuckles.

I picked up the empty laundry basket and put it over his head before storming in the house. "Hon! Come on! I didn't mean nothin'!"

Good thing the old wood range was designed to take abuse because I was slamming pots and pans down, getting dinner reading to cook.

"Aw, come on now. You just caught me off guard," Thor tried to coax after he'd finally been able to get up and follow me inside.

"Don't you 'aw, come on' me. Just because I don't know how to bribe you exactly doesn't mean you needed to laugh at my first try," I growled.

"You're right. And when you're right, you're right. Now give me a second chance."

I turned up my nose at his grossly inadequate apology. "Well I don't feel like it now."

"I bet I can get you back in the mood."

I cracked eggs and scrambled them so hard they nearly flew out of the bowl. "Thor …" I said warningly when he came up behind me and tried to kiss me between his fits at trying not to laugh.

He was finally forced to sit down at the kitchen table and just let it out. I nearly thumped him with a skillet. "Hon … I …" Snort, gasp, laugh, cough. "I really … you just … the look on your face …"

"I was trying to do a sexy pout like I saw those beautiful women do in the movies," I muttered, embarrassed.

Of course that set him off again. "Woman, you make my life worth living. Now come here and let me apologize properly."

I was still irritated but not amiss to a little bribery myself. "You already turn me inside out just being yourself, you don't need to try and be anything else. That's what I think is beautiful. Those actresses … they weren't nothing but doctored up, photoshopped, fakes." Then he pulled me closer into his lap and said into my ear, "I like what I've got right here. I'm more grateful to God than I can put into words. I still don't know, after all that I've done in my life, how He could bless me like this."

When he talked like that my mullygrubs melted away. I put a hand on either side of his face and said, "The feelings mutual Mr. Thoresen."

"I love you Mrs. Thoresen."

I nearly forgot to cook the dinner but I couldn't spend the rest of the day sitting in his lap like a lazy cat. While the cornbread baked I ran out and brought the sheets in then took them back upstairs and put them on the beds I had finally aired out. The rooms had been aired out nicely as well and overall the house was finally losing the neglected feel and smell that it had had.

The pain pill Thor had been forced to take in order to eat his dinner cut short any other plans I might have been devising but we did manage to agree that I would go into town alone tomorrow but that I would start early and then come back before two in the afternoon. That would give Thor time to try and make it to town if I ran into trouble.

I left the farm right as the sky was turning pink. Thor gave me such a laundry list of do's and don'ts that I wondered how I was supposed to get anything accomplished and make the trip worth it at all. By the time I pulled up in front of Uncle Bentley's it was full light. I sighed and stepped down, tying my horse to the front porch rail. I put my foot on the bottom step and started to climb the stairs. I was so not looking forward to the task in front of me.


	70. Chapter 70

Chapter 70

The weather had the screen door sticking. Uncle Bentley never seemed to get around to fixing that in life and in death I'm sure he cared about it even less. He had always excused it by saying the sound let him know that someone was about to bother him. Mom always thought he left it that way because he knew it annoyed people. I decided then and there it was no longer important for me to worry about what Uncle Bentley would no longer get around to doing. He'd made his choice and though it had brought me pain I couldn't go back and fix whatever had been wrong. I absolved myself of any blame for what had happened and the choices the man had made and did what I had to do without feeling guilty about it.

In the rush to get Thor and Uncle Bentley some place I could care for them I hadn't bothered to lock the place as I left but was more cautious now that I had returned. The blinds and curtains on all of the window were closed so I couldn't simply look in and see if there was someone inside. However since the bodies had never been removed from the graveyard … at least not by human hands which meant they had been scattered about in a rather nasty but natural process … I was pretty sure no one was about. It would have been just too hard for most people to ignore the mess that was spread across the highway where the animals had done what animals tend to. But just to be on the safe side since Dad didn't raise no fool I didn't go barging into the house. After checking all around outside I slowly entered by way of the front door and then stopped to get my bearings and the "feel" of the interior.

It was quiet except for the frenetic skittering of a mouse or two in the walls. I'm not afraid of mice but the idea of having vermin in the house made me itch all over and only made me want to get out of there as soon as possible. And the house smelled dirty too, like how an old public bathroom will sometimes smell or dirty laundry that has been left lying about too long. There was also a sour undertone of unwashed bodies that caused me to pull my bandana down from my head and across my nose and mouth. I decided to make it as easy on myself as possible by starting at the top and then work my way down.

Being in the house was depressing. In each room I found evidence of the process of spiritual and emotional decay the people living there had gone through. What was once a nice, well-kept home was more like a dumping ground for their bad habits and personal problems. I'd already noticed it the first time I'd been in the house but this time it was really re-enforced. I know that Uncle Bentley had had problems but the way his "guests" had chosen to live had to have irritated the heck out of the fastidious man he had been. I closed the door to each room as I left it to try and control the odors but only helped so much. It wasn't the secondary bedrooms that I was most serious about investigating anyway.

I moved into Uncle Bentley's room on the ground floor and it surprised me with the same smell of ripe neglect, most of it emanating from a small pail in the corner of the room. Looking over inside I saw a pile of dirty bandages. Not wanting to, but knowing the man's tendencies, I forced myself to go over to the pail then backed away long enough to find something to lift the pail with besides my hands. Sure enough under the plastic pail were a set of keys mixed in with a pile of broken glass. I recognized them right off as the old-fashioned ones for the heavy and bolted door down in the basement.

I was leaving the room when an old photo album caught my eye. It only took turning two of its pages before it became the first item I decided to take. I slid it into the bag on my shoulder and then I carefully made my way down to the basement area using a flashlight I had taken from the fussily organized nightstand drawer beside the bed. Not even the bandana across my face could prevent me from realizing something had clogged the exhaust for the generator. I was forced to air the room out and go outside to break the glass block that gave the only exterior light to the basement to speed the process up. By the time I got back in the house and propped open the basement door things smelled much less like a garage.

It was pretty easy, even for me, to figure out what had been Uncle Bentley's "secret." Radios. He must have confiscated them from those that had been brought in and secured by the greenies but run out of fuel to run the generator to power them. There were also maps showing resources all over the mountains – springs, trails, vacation cabins, ruins of old farms, caches that he'd buried over the years, mineral deposits, any number of things. When I forced the lock open on the filing cabinet I found a whole drawer of paper files on the greenies and Twelvers. I almost left that behind but figured that knowing my enemy was just as important as confronting them. There were also some reloading supplies that I couldn't ignore. Some secret. The radios could come in handy as would the maps and other stuff, but it was nothing worth hiding it away behind a thick metal door, nothing worth dying for the way Uncle Bentley had made it seem.

The only thing I took from the yard were the stretched hides and furs I found in the work shed. I would be able to use some of them to patch Thor's jacket and line it better for more warmth. I could have taken more from around the place but nothing that wouldn't duplicate what we already had at the farm and on this trip I wanted to focus on filling holes, not on redundancies.

I really missed Thor's company. It had been so long since I had spent any time truly alone that I kept glancing over my shoulder. If it wasn't that it was going to tell him something only to realize he wasn't there. In addition to Thor's company I missed his back up and his experience. I'd spent months on the road and even time travelling by myself but not since Thor and I had pledged ourselves to one another. I knew what I was doing was necessary but it didn't stop me from wishing he was with me.

I decided to hit the major businesses and offices in town before trying to go through private residences. The Cowboy General Store had very little; it had obviously really taken a beating during the rioting. I still managed to grab some office supplies, a box of those large, disposable aprons worn by the butcher in the meat department, and the first aid kit out of the office in the back. The Country Corner gas station had been damaged the same as the Cowboy but apparently no one thought to look behind the coolers and I grabbed several cases of various drinks.

Time was a wasting and I told myself to hurry up. Pizza Plus, The Creeper Trail Café, Subway, Fattie's Diner, and the Whistle Pig Bistro all yielded up what had been passed over like more paper products and some food items that were too large or unusual to haul away like #10 sized cans of pizza sauce and large bags of flour. The flour that hadn't been stored in coolers had been infested with weevils and mice or rat droppings but several of the restaurants did keep those types of things in more secure locations and it reminded me to also look for large, airtight containers so that I could do the same.

Damascus had several thriving Bed and Breakfasts and I was happy to salvage more sheets and towels, extra pillows, cleaning products, and more moderately sized shelf stable foods from the Montgomery Homestead, the Apple Tree, the Mountain Laurel Inn, Victoria Inn, and Dot's Inn. The amount of toilet paper and Kleenex alone made it worth all of those stops but all of the itty bitty bars of soaps didn't hurt either. The Victorian Inn Tea Parlor had been completely missed by the crowds despite the fact that they didn't just serve tea but cookies and sandwiches as well. Oh sure, the plate glass windows had been busted but no one seemed to see pass the doilies and poofy chairs and antique pictures on the wall. I got a lot of stuff there.

Unlike Jen and her friends I wasn't choosey when it came to my hair care products; I was just happy to have a chance to bathe regularly again much less with real soap and shampoo. I found some plastic storage tubs and just started emptying the personal hygiene products. I also did the same for Thor at the barber shop. Got some nice clippers as well hoping he'd let me do something with that mane he had developed. Not that I didn't find it attractive but sometimes it just plain got in the way, like when I was trying to change his bandages. I hit the vet, the garden shop, the trail outfitters, and then the only dental and doctor offices in town. Each one yielded up several useful items. The dental office had been ransacked and all of their oxygen and gas tanks were gone but they hadn't really been paying too much attention when they knocked over the supply cabinets. One hadn't popped open on impact and lay nearly undisturbed until I turned it over; I was able to get several ampoules of painkillers and sterile needles, swabs, that junk they stick in your mouth to soak up the spit and that awful tasting topical painkiller that makes you feel like you got a partial tongue-ectomy when you try and talk afterwards.

A quick glance at my watch told me that it was lunch time and I knew I had to start back if I wanted to go by the orchard to get home. It was frustrating but I'd made a bargain with Thor and if I wanted to keep his trust I knew I couldn't take that sort of thing lightly.

When I got to the orchard, in addition to several bushels of apples I hastily picked, I got a nice fat buck. I'd never seen deer so bold as the ones that were eating the remaining fruit on the branches that they could reach. They went so far as to stand on their hind legs like dogs who were begging. After that I made a dash for home. I was a full ten minutes early but still found Thor sitting on the porch chewing his nails.

I jumped down, ran over to him, and gave him a kiss before telling him, "I missed you and you're going to love what climbed up in the wagon while I was gone."

My playfulness was met with silence. He was quiet the rest of the afternoon, so quiet I thought his wound was bothering him. I was busy prepping the venison and hanging it in the butchering shed so that no animal could get it and then in emptying the wagon. It was dinner – fresh venison steak and fried apples – before I found out what was on his mind.

"Do you plan on going back tomorrow?" he asked too casually.

I answered cautiously, put on edge by his strange mood. "I'd like to if the weather permits."

"Fine. But I'm coming with you."

I put my fork down. "Thor …"

"No. You won't talk me out of it this time. It nearly killed me to sit here all day wondering, praying. I know I'd make you do it and it's unfair for me not to be willing to put up with the same thing but I don't care. I know I'll slow you down and be underfoot because I'll tire more quickly than you. I don't care. I know I'm not really going to be able to help load stuff. I don't care about that either. I …"

I put my hand over his forestalling any more. "I get it. You care … and you missed me as much as I missed you. We'll figure something out."

Surprised, Thor asked, "No fighting me on this?"

"No, but you'll have to compromise and be honest. If you get tired and start hurting you can't go all he-man on me, I need to know. If you start running a fever we're calling the whole thing off."

After looking at me a moment he said, "Deal."

It wasn't as difficult the next day as either of us had worried about; just being together seemed to make things better. I did get frustrated in town however. The only place in town that I got anything fruitful out of was the quilt shop and there was no way I was getting everything from that place in one trip. I took the most important items like denim, muslin, needles, threads and some patterns but the rest I had to leave for another day.

The few offices I hit were either completely trashed or empty of anything obviously useful. They would have to wait to investigate when time wasn't so short and precious and when we had exhausted the more obvious places to salvage from. Even though Thor wasn't able to do much more than observe, he and I were on the same page and he actually made some good suggestions that helped out. When I became frustrated after bogging down in the town's small business district he suggested that instead of working through the town which would have been more likely to have been searched first by the rioters and then by the greenies, that we go to the outlying houses. After giving it a quick thought I picked an easy route to the orchard and then home which would pass by the most houses and cabins.

Easier said than done but it was still better than what we had been doing in town. All of the houses showed signs of trouble … lack of power for a prolonged period, vermin infestation, neglect, violence … as well as a lack of food but I refused to leave any of the properties until I had found at least one useful thing. Not a single one showed signs of recent habitation. I got lots of quilts and blankets, empty canning jars and lids of all sizes, and some hand powered kitchen tools as well as pressure canners and water bath canners. Thor started a running list of any of the properties that had any amount of wood stacked and we decided to come back for those when it got cold enough again that snakes wouldn't be a problem.

We did make a few discoveries that made all of the frustration worthwhile. In a few of the house we found that some families had been holding out. At one farm we found a smokehouse full of hams and shoulders as well as a lot of dry smoked sausages and curing supplies. I figured they had run short on feed and been forced to slaughter their animals rather than watch them starve to death. That same house had canning jars full of meat as well. They'd had a lot of jerky but it had gone over in the heat of summer without proper storage.

In some locations I found where livestock had busted out and gone feral. Pigs and hogs for the most part but I also managed to lasso two cows that were in the trees above the dairy. Neither one was in milk mode but if I could find a bull between now and spring we'd fix that problem easy enough. I also saw a lot of animal carcasses … or what remained of them. Some animals were better suited to surviving on their own than others.

"Thor?"

"Yeah Hon."

"You feeling OK? The rifle butt hit anything tender?"

"No … well yeah; I guess you'll twist my tail if I lie about it and send me to my room." He was trying to joke his way out of what he thought was a bit of female fuss.

After tying the cows to the back of the wagon I walked over to the side of the wagon to look at and then check Thor's bandages. "I'll give you a pass this time. And thanks. I should have wondered why the cows were so balky."

"Don't be too easy on me. I only noticed because the horses were getting agitated. All I could think of when I saw them was you getting attacked again like last time. You sure you're OK?"

I assured Thor that I was fine, that the dogs hadn't come anywhere close to me or the cows despite their intent. Thor's ambidextrousness was a real plus when it came to shooting from odd angles or, as in this case, when he had an injury. There were four large dogs and two smaller one in the hunting pack that tried to slink up on the cows. Obviously they had gotten used to easy meals and that did a lot to explain all of the bones that showed through the tall grass in the pasture.

I was hoping to get feed from the dairy as well but the rats had pretty much taken over the house and barn destroying what hadn't already been used up. It was going to take a very cold and long winter to cut their numbers or a sudden upswing in the feral cat population. Neither one was a very good scenario for us humans stuck in the middle.

Thor was tiring and so was I and I still had the orchard to pick. I noticed gray clouds up on the ridge of Clark Mountain and knew that a change in weather was on the way.

"Hon?"

"Just one more stop. As soon as I'm done in the orchard we'll head home," I told him.

Thor gave a tired sigh. "Actually that isn't what I meant. I want to stop by that … by Griffey's place and take a look around."

I hadn't expected that. "I looked all over the place Thor. And it smells in there and is pretty nasty. I'm not sure it is a good idea for you to go in there with your shoulder like it is." Then I said, "You think I missed something don't you."

"Not necessarily. Those radios were a good find and could be what he meant."

But I said again, "But you don't think so."

"Are you going to get offended if I want to look for myself?"

I gave it an honest thought because I had been a little at first. "Naw. Besides the sooner that place can be permanently X'd out on our salvage map the sooner I can put that part of my life behind me."

Thor didn't like that part of my answer. "Hon, I'm the last personal qualified to give advice on family issues but …"

"There's always a but."

"Yeah there is," he agreed with a slight smile. "Seriously though, burying that stuff before you deal with it could be a mistake."

I thought about it a few moments before saying, "I think I have dealt with it. I'm not saying it doesn't hurt if I pick at it but I'm not going to be permanently damaged by how things turned out. I still can love the memory of the man I knew as my uncle. I can even love the broken man he was at the end … with God's help anyway … because we are supposed to love the sinner even while we hate the sin. Vengeance belongs to God. This time I was smart enough to turn it over to Him. I just want to avoid the temptation of picking that burden back up from the foot of the Cross."

With a small shake of his head he told me, "You sound like Bedros."

Smiling I said, "I'll take that as a compliment."

Serious once again Thor asked, "You don't see what I did as an act of revenge?"

"No," I replied emphatically. "You were protecting me … from Uncle Bentley's madness and from me having to be the one to put him out of the misery of it. He wouldn't have stopped trying to seek his own vengeance until he was too physically frail to do it and even then he would have spilled a lot of verbal poison. Better for me – for both of us – to move on and be done with it rather than pretend I could have saved him somehow."

He didn't say any more about it and only a few minutes later we had arrived at our destination. I noticed the corpses had been disturbed even more but that could have been by any animal at this stage of their decay. I helped Thor down from the back of the wagon and after another cautious look around we entered the house. The smell was worse than before even though the interior was cold. I worried about Thor catching something but his determination prevented me from saying anything more about it.

"I doubt there is anything in any area his house guests would have used regularly. Is there an attic?" Thor asked.

I shook my head. "No. Uncle Bentley considered them a waste of space and only for sentimental people."

"I take it he wasn't one."

I shrugged, "Not in the traditional sense. He'd go all dreamy about local history but nothing from his personal past. He was more sentimental about Dad's family and he and Dad's exploits together as kids than anything that happened to him before that. I showed you that photo album I found."

He nodded, knowing I was talking about the album full of pictures of Dad and Uncle Bentley at all different ages as well as of beautiful and unusual places in the mountains around here, most of which I didn't recognize by sight but from the detailed description painstakingly included with each one. "Then let's start in his bedroom. If there's nothing there then we'll go down to the basement. Should hit both regardless."

Beginning to feel intrigued I asked, "What do you expect to find?"

"Not sure. Don't know that I expect to find anything. Just commonsense that two sets of eyes are better than one." At my look he added, "OK, that could have come out better but you know what I mean." I smiled letting him know I was joshing him just a little and we started the job in relative harmony.

Seen through Thor's eyes I got a different feel for Uncle Bentley. "At some point recently he lost control or began to deconstruct his life. Look at how repressed this guy was most of the time. His casual clothes were just a variation of his ranger uniform – same colors, same styles, same materials. Two closets – one for his uniforms, one for non-work but you can barely tell the difference between them. And look how they are arranged, major OCD factor going on. Shoes as well. Check out these dresser drawers, the pictures on the wall, everything."

I nodded, "Yeah, Mom would try and get him to change his ties if nothing else, add some color, but he never would. The only time was at his brother's funeral and even as a little kid I noticed it because it was fire engine red with these big yellow dots all over. He was a clean freak too, but so was Aunt Bettie Sue. I couldn't believe how bad the house was when I first saw it the day you were shot. I put it down to his amputation but you're saying maybe not?"

"Absolutely that was part of it but I think it's more than that. A guy that controlled … ah forget it. That psychobabble always drove me crazy."

"Maybe, but it's bringing stuff into focus for me." I pushed the bed back against the wall. "Either way I still don't see anything here except rabid dust bunnies."

"I agree. Let's go down to the basement."

Thor was even more thorough than I was down there and came up with nothing … at least until he asked me to move the filing cabinet. There was a large hole in the wall behind it that turned out to be a tunnel. It was too small for Thor in his condition – he would have banged himself up all over again – and it wasn't much better for me; the inside was as dark as the inside a black cat. I also had to watch where I put my feet to keep from tripping as there were wires run in conduit on the floor. The wires led from the house breaker box to a series of switches on the inside of what felt like a concrete block room.

"Thor, I'm coming out, I need a bigger light source!"

He asked, "What's in there?"

"I don't know. It … it kind of reminds me of our well house. You saw it. It's buried but has this roof that you can open up to get to the equipment for maintenance purposes."

"Yeah. What reminds you of that?"

"It's a square room, concrete block floor and walls. Ceiling is poured concrete. I … I don't know what it is."

Thor laughed. "Hon, I think it is an old nuclear bunker, the kind people were building during the early days of the Cold War."

"Like that scene in the movie _Grease 2_?"

He gave me a look that said he hadn't a clue to what I was talking about. "Whatever," I said, rolling my eyes. "But it doesn't have beds or anything like that in it, it's just a square. There are some boxes in there, but they're funny."

"Funny how?" he asked cautiously.

"Skinny drawers. Lots of skinny drawers about so wide and an inch or three deep," I told him, using my hands to describe what I was seeing before I headed back in with a flashlight so big it looked like a spot light.

He called after me, "Be careful what you are opening."

It was a few minutes but before Thor could lose patience and ask me what I was seeing I said, "This is just plain messed up Dude."

"Hon? Rochelle?! Do I need to …"

"Hang on." I came out with a couple of the drawers. "Will you look at this stuff?! Every few drawers it is something different. But you aren't going to believe what I'm bringing out next."

When I came back out again bringing the big box I found Thor staring at the drawers. "Griffey was … er … quite the collector."

"Yeah, I bet he found most of that stuff up in the mountains. But check this out."

Thor left off looking at glass covered specimen trays that had human and animal teeth, arrow heads, old bullet casings, and other pieces of evidence of human habitation in the mountains from who knows how long ago when I lifted a heavy metal box up onto the desk.

"It wasn't even locked. If the other stuff came from the mountains I have no clue where this came from."

When Thor finally got a look inside he whistled, "Whoa nelly. Hon, did you …"

"Have any idea that Uncle Bentley was rich as Midas? No. No way. He sure didn't live like he was. He was more of a penny pincher than Mom was and that's saying something."

Thor picked up the tubes of coins and said, "These are old." That was followed by a, "Geez, some of these are real old. They … you know, I wouldn't swear to it but some of these look like French and Spanish gold coins … doubloons and … heck these look like Louis and Napoleons."

Something niggled at my memory and then slipped away as the sound of rumbling reached my ears. "Thor, we need to get. Hopefully that stuff will stay up in the mountains long enough for us to load up, go by the orchard, and get home and unload but better not to be foolish about it."

I needn't have bothered saying anything. Thor was already standing and trying to carry the box of coins up the stairs. I told him, "Let me have that. I've got one more load and this one is as crazy as this other. I don't know if it is colored glass or real cut stones. And some really old, ugly jewelry too."

We got everything to the wagon and then Thor climbed up in the wagon seat beside me instead of sitting in the wagon bed. "Don't blame me if you get bounced around worse up here than back there."

"I won't," he smiled, more than a little tired. "I'm just done with looking where we've been instead of where we're going."

The orchard wasn't much further off and instead of going back to the road after I'd filled every bushel basket that I had brought I cut across and took a short cut since I didn't have to be polite to other landowners. The first big, fat drops decided to come down as I was shutting the gate.

"Crud, crud, and double crud," I grumbled under my breath. When I got back in the seat, "I'll take care of the horses if you'll go inside and get the fire going and put something warm on to drink."

"We'll do it together. If you are going to get wet …"

I interrupted, "Who said anything about getting wet?"

"What are you going to do? Run between the rain drops?"

I smiled knowing I had a secret. "Nope. There's a tunnel between the barn and the storage shed and then from the storage shed there is a tunnel to the house. Dad and I spent two blasted summers digging those things and then another installing steel braces and beams that he bartered off of a construction project that fell through. I'm going to get some enjoyment out of them since I put the work into them."

Giving me a disgruntled but resigned look he said, "And tomorrow you are going to show me these tunnels. Any more secrets you've been holding back on?"

"I haven't been holding anything back … just have had you on my mind more than other stuff. Now that you are feeling better you can see anything you want to," I told him not being very careful with my words.

"Anything huh?"

When I turned to see the look on his face I could tell he was waiting for me to jump to the bait but I decided to turn the tables on him and said, "Sure. Why not? We are married after all."

I shut the barn door in his face leaving him spluttering for air and then laughed, feeling tired but happy in spite of all of the hard ships we had face to get here and those we were likely to face in the future.


	71. Chapter 71

**_Chapter 71_**

After Thor got a glimpse of the tunnels he decided he didn't want to wait to check them out. Unlike the rough cut one that Uncle Bentley had under his place, Dad and I did a much better job on ours.

"I am just not believing what I'm seeing," Thor said shaking his head. "And your father didn't have an engineering degree or anything like that?"

I smiled and told him, "My dad was pretty cool if I do say so myself but he never had a chance to get any kind of formal education beyond highschool. Everything he did after that was self taught or by seeking people out to learn from. These tunnels are based on coal mine tunnels and …"

Thor interrupted me with a concerned, "Did Griffey know about these?"

"Uncle Bentley? Yeah, of course. Actually he is the one that talked Dad into getting an engineer to give him some ideas on how to make the tunnels safer. I know it is hard to believe after the way he was acting but when it came to Dad, Uncle Bentley was very protective. Dad would get embarrassed by it sometimes; I heard him and Mom talk about it a few times when I wasn't supposed to be up and listening." I shrugged. That wasn't the only time I was up and listening when I wasn't supposed to be but I could be a real stinker when I was little. I probably hadn't changed as much as I wanted to believe.

Thor asked, "Did you trowel on this concrete to line the tunnels?"

"No. Actually that is shotcrete with some fiberglass threads that make it extra strong and some kind of chemical that made it adhere to the tunnel surface as well. That's four to six inches of concrete you are looking at. What a job that was." I stretched and popped my neck at the memory of those summers.

Thor was running his hands along the walls of the tunnel. "I know this is concrete but why did he choose to do it like this? It looks more like natural rock."

We left the tunnel and sat down on the sofa in front of the basement fireplace that was merrily glowing and warm. Thor handed me a cup of hot, spiced cider and it was exactly what I needed to warm me up while giving me a little sweetening to get the rest of the day's work finished. I enjoyed my first sip and then explained.

"Originally Dad had wanted to have a kind of narrow gauge track down there so that we could push carts along in front of us or in my case kind of like a pull behind. In the end he decided that it was just too cost prohibitive to get all the materials we would have needed to do that. Instead Dad decided to make the tunnel wide enough that we could push a wheelbarrow or pull a four wheeled garden cart. Uncle Bentley was on him about the possibility of a tunnel collapse so Dad went to see this engineer that Uncle B had recommended. Well Uncle B was a little disappointed that the engineer wasn't more concerned after he'd seen what we were digging through but he did recommend a couple of places that could use some framing." I took another sip and then propped my feet up in Thor's lap to share the fleece throw. "Dad was on the Volunteer Fire Department and through that had met some men that were going to build a new hotel outside of town. But the project never got off the ground and the city was going to fine the company big bucks for just walking away from the site without cleaning it up. Dad bartered for some of those materials, rather than cash and he wound up with enough steel framing and concrete to do the tunnels and there is a pile of stuff left in the storage barn because he wanted to put in another tunnel between the house and the cabin. That never happened because we ran into a huge block of granite that the house's foundation sits on. We never got around to anything else."

"Anything else that I should know about?" Thor asked a little sarcastically.

"There's a couple of hidden staircases in the house and two hidden rooms fitted with something Mom used to call 'priest holes.' I'll show those to you tomorrow … or tonight if you can't wait. I've got to get up and get dinner cooked."

"Relax. I put on a pot of your mother's vegetable soup and we can eat the cornbread that was left over from lunch," he told me massaging my calves with his good hand.

"Are … ooo, yeah, right there … are you sure? I can … ahhhh, errrrrr Lordy don't that feel good."

Thor chuckled, "Soup's fine. We can bake a couple of those apples like you used to when we were out on the trail."

I didn't answer as I was too busy enjoying myself. Then remembering everything I hadn't done yet I said, "OK, enough of being spoiled. I need to put the food away in the … well, here's another thing while I'm thinking of it. When we ran into that block of granite Dad wouldn't let Mom tell him 'I told you so' by going to the work of filling it back in and we widened the tunnel and turned it into a down stairs storage area. Mom keeps … kept some of her extra craft stuff in there but I'll clean it out and we can store all the extra bulk items in there and get them out of the way."

"Want a suggestion?" Thor asked.

"Of course."

"Put the paper goods upstairs under the beds or in the unused closets and put all the extra food items in that storage room."

I wasn't against the idea, I just wanted to know why.

Explaining Thor told me, "Because while we haven't seen any people lately that could change. We don't know if people will try and head back to the cities or try and leave them. The winter could send people in both directions looking for food or shelter. Maybe someone will try and use the AT or Creeper Trail; you told me both come close to the farm. The majority of people rarely act logically so we really have no idea what is going to happen this winter or in the spring … or if we should be worrying about international interests infringing on US territory."

"OK, maybe any or all of those, but like I said we've never had trouble with people invading the farm."

He gave a one sided shrug and said, "There's a first for everything. Griffey and your Mr. Dink can't have been the only locals that knew where the farm was."

I thought about that. "No, obviously not but a lot of the ones that it was common knowledge to have been passing on since I was in middle school … most of them were friends of my grandmothers … and it really was a small handful that could do it unescorted."

Thor nodded. "Good enough but …"

"… better safe than sorry," I finished with a grin. "If we absolutely had to we could drop one of the bridges. It wouldn't stop someone really determined to come in on foot but it would stop vehicle traffic from that angle and I doubt we'd get any from further up the mountain."

I could see him store that away for future thinking and we headed to the kitchen to eat and then to get back to work. I put stuff on the shelves Dad had installed and Thor added it to an inventory we had started.

We went on that way for another couple of days … leaving in the heavy morning mist that was nearly as wet as rain and coming back in the afternoon with the wagon full. The third morning I was having a hard time getting going. I'd chased a steer around for nearly forty minutes before he was winded enough to let me catch him. After I tied him to the back of the wagon for us to take home and add to the two cows we had he gave an odd little hop when he tried one last time to take off. As a result the beastie stepped on my foot. I'd managed to jerk it away before his full weight came down but I still had a pretty good bruise that didn't help my mood any.

I was tying my largest sized boots on to avoid as much pressure on the bruise as possible. Once I managed to do that I went out to go get Thor from the tractor barn where he'd been putting away some tools. As soon as I got near the bar I realized he hadn't been organizing but tinkering.

I hop-skipped to the barn and asked in a loud voice, "Are we having fun?!"

Thor gave me a big stinker of a grin and hollered back, "Yes we are. What say we give the horses a break and use this and that wagon to bring in the wood from those houses?"

"If your shoulder feels good enough to drive why don't we take the tractor and one of the horses just in case?" It was agreed on; Thor would drive and I would ride.

The tractor, an old red Farmall that was practically a family heirloom, was easy to maintain and Dad always kept parts on hand. But I knew that I'd need to add that stuff to my list of things to salvage. There were some other old Farmalls in the area and discussing it with Thor he added it to his list of secondary salvage operation locations.

From the stove I said, "I might … repeat might … have a suggestion as far as fueling the tractors around here. But that is a big might and will depend on your mechanical know-how."

He raised an eyebrow as he shoveled his third fried egg into his mouth. I told him, "I helped Dad but didn't really take enough interest in all of the mechanical stuff myself. I'd do what he told me to do without really thinking about it. I can change the oil, lube the gizmos, check and adjust the fluids … that sort of stuff … but if it comes down to knowing the guts of the thing well enough to do something about it if it breaks, not so much."

Wiping some yolk from his mustache he said, "Tell me what you are thinking and I'll tell you if I can manage it."

"Well, our family used to grow a lot of corn commercially. It was one of our cash crops. This is back before ethanol and all of that garbage so you are talking my grandfather's day. Anyway for a couple of years the bottom fell out of the market and the farms around here were really hurting. They were losing money on every bushel and were leaving it to rot in the field because at the same time the cost of fuel was increasing. My grandfather and a couple of his brothers …" I had to stop and laugh. "Let's just say they had a naughty streak in them and the old stills were hidden where no one could find them. They fixed a couple of the tractors to run on moonshine for fuel. What I'm thinking is that the animal feed around here that is contaminated with too much vermin feces to use for the animals could be used to make moonshine out of for fuel in the spring or early summer; that's probably when we'll run out of regular diesel if we use much of it to prep the fields."

A slow grin spread across his face. "Now I just might be able to manage that … but I'll start with a tractor from another farm if I can find one that I can get running. Rats have been at some of the hoses that I've seen."

"Make it one with a PTO and we'll hook it up to the log splitter so we can split some of those logs I'll be tossing today."

That wiped the grin from his face. "I don't like …"

It took me barely a second to interrupt him since we'd been over it before. "I know you don't like it. But it isn't your fault that Uncle Bentley shot you. You're healing a lot faster than I thought you would but you can't rush things. If you start tossing wood up in the wagon you could tear something back open. If you do that you are looking at another chance at real infection and even some permanent injury."

He rolled his eyes, "Yes mother."

For some reason that gave me a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach. I decided to poke the bear a little and said, "Besides, after last night …"

He nearly strangled on his coffee then barked a laugh. "I swear woman you are something else. I told you already. I promised you a fun day and we'll wait. I want you to enjoy yourself. Right now I'm not in the best shape to do right by you."

Now it was my turn to roll my eyes, "Then stop testing my patience by wanting to do something that will just make you take longer to heal." I was referring to him tossing wood and not to the other. Truth be told it was a lot of fun anticipating and playing at being impatient. It could get frustrating for sure, but it was still fun at the same time. Thor had brought the kind of light hearted laughter into my life I'd never really had before. Before I always felt I had something to prove, that life was so serious. With Thor I could laugh at myself without hurting my own feelings. And he seemed to take a great deal of pride in making me smile and laugh when it was the last thing on my mind.

After we finished eating and the few dishes had been cleaned up we locked up and left for the day's work. I rode which was a nice change and I could tell by the big boy grin on his face that Thor was having a lot of fun with the tractor. I expect it made him feel more in control. I know I always preferred to drive than to be a passenger.

That day was so successful that I completely forgot about Mr. Dink's prediction of snow arriving early. We went to bed that night exhausted but in a good way knowing we'd managed to bring in three wagonloads of logs that were neatly stacked and waiting to be split. In the middle of the night I woke up and at first couldn't figure out what had caused it. Then I realized how cold my nose was.

"Oh crud."

"What?" Thor muttered still deciding whether he was going to wake up with me.

"It's cold."

"Yeah, so scoot here under the covers and I'll warm you up."

Rolling my eyes even though he couldn't see it I said, "We're inside and the fire is banked; it shouldn't be this cold."

That woke Thor up. "And?"

"I've got to go check on the animals. I suspect we've already got snow on the ground … no, listen to that."

After listening he asked, "Rain?"

"Sleet. Well that tears it. With ice on the ground we won't be going anywhere today."

He groaned, "I'll help with the animals."

"Why? No sense in us both losing sleep. Just keep the bed warm. Next time you can do it."

"Hon …"

I kissed him and finished pulling on my coveralls. "Seriously Thor, there's no sense in it. I'll be back as soon as I can."

"You'll take the tunnels?"

"Yeah."

Our barn was a nice and snug one but that didn't mean it was incapable of getting cold. The rooster had already shooed the hens into the makeshift coop I had created for them out of hay bales and I'd already put blankets on the horses before bed. The cows and steer in their separate stalls looked at me like I was crazy for waking them up. I thought, "Oh well. It isn't like I expected gratitude." However when I was about to go back down into the tunnel I got the fright … and then delight … of my life. Both Barney and Boots were twining between my legs like it hadn't been months since we had seen each other.

"Well where have you two been?!" I cried. They were both Toms but Boots was one of the weird male cats that never seems to develop a taste for … well for being a Tom if you catch my drift. He was Barney's shadow in everything but the ladies; he didn't even spray to mark territory. I couldn't smell Barney either which meant they couldn't have been back all that long. Both Toms looked sleek and healthy which really made me wonder where they could have been and what they could have been into. "Well, heck yes you can stay in the barn if you want. You know how to go in and out. But if I catch you after the feather dusters I'll bob your tails. Got it?" They seemed to understand quite well and scampered off to a corner I knew to be their favorite.

I scampered faster than they did and got back in the house and then upstairs. "Hey! What are you doing out of bed?" I asked Thor.

"Waiting for you," he muttered sitting in front of the fire that he had obviously stoked.

"Wouldn't you have been warmer waiting in bed … keeping the covers warm?" I was feeling good and joking though I was ready to climb back in bed. Thor on the other hand … was not.

"Fine," he muttered stomping towards the bed.

I wasn't paying close enough attention. Looking back I can definitely see it but at the time all I thought was that I would ignore his mulligrubs and just get him in a good snuggling mood simply because that is how I felt.

Nope. It was like he was ignoring me which kind of hurt my feelings. It took a little back and forth sniping before I finally asked, "OK, what's the problem? What did I do now?" Only I didn't just say it nicely. Actually I was pretty much pouting because he'd spoiled the mood.

"Is everything always about you? Are you going to stay a bratty kid forever?"

Ouch. I know I'd been bouncing on the bed and trying to tickle him. I know that wasn't exactly dignified. But we'd done it before and it hadn't bothered him. And for him to be quite so nasty … well it hurt. It just drained all the play right out of me.

"Sorry," I muttered and rolled over. I'd be lying if I tried to make out that I didn't have some tears fall. But on the other hand there was no way I was going to let him know after what he'd just said. It didn't seem long before he was snoring but I was too upset to sleep. I got up and carefully snuck over to my old bedroom and grabbed my wind up lamp and took it down to the kitchen table.

I tried to settle to working on my notes but I couldn't. My feelings and my heart were just hurting too much. I couldn't figure out what I had done wrong to make Thor snap at me like that. I knew he'd been tired when we went to bed. I thought maybe his shoulder was hurting him again but I didn't think that could have made him act like that.

I grew tired worrying it to pieces and started wandering around the house, letting my old memories act as a salve for my newest ones. Then I saw it, the big book that held a lot of my family's history. Part photo album, part scrapbook, part journal I remembered my grandmothers telling me story after story from the depths of it and showing me pictures of the people in the stories. I sat in the chair my mom had enjoyed sitting in while Dad worked on the accounts and it didn't take me long to work my way backwards from the clippings that Mom had added of my "football glory."

Looking at those clippings I prayed that wasn't going to be the sum total of my life because as important as it had seemed at the time, it now felt like I'd wasted a good chunk of what life I had thus far lived and lost forever the opportunity to have learned more from my parents. Football had helped to develop my body, and it had given me a certain amount of confidence that I had been lacking, but I still wish I had paid more attention to my grandmothers and parents and the things they had known. I was stuck trying to play catch up and if Thor had grown unsatisfied with life on the farm (or with me) I might be learning it all alone.

I shivered at that thought and quickly sought out other parts of my family story to eclipse those feelings. Every page was a few years further back in time. I had been at it around an hour or so when I remembered what I had forgotten. I wanted to run upstairs to Thor and tell him what I had found but I was afraid. At some point I fell asleep in the chair.

A pop from the wood stove startled me awake. Only problem with that was that I hadn't lit a fire in the stove but had just covered up with my Snuggie and a quilt. Bleary eyed I sat up to find that the book was gone from my lap and I was covered with another quilt. "Crud! The animals," I thought.

After a stop in the bathroom I stumbled into the kitchen to put my coat and boots on to find Thor at the stove. I knew he must've been the one to cover me up but my brain kept shying away from thinking about anything but the most immediate priorities. I muttered, "Sorry. Late. Animals."

"Sit down. The animals are all fine. I took care of them already." I stood there for a moment and  
Thor asked tensely, "You want to check them?"

"Huh? Sorry, brain is slow this morning. You said you took care of the animals?"

Turning from the stove Thor saw me standing there with my winter coveralls still only on one leg and a confused look on my face. I saw him get a concerned look on his face before walking over and telling me to sit down again. Nothing seemed to be working right and he gave a little push before I actually bent enough to sit on the bench where we kept our outer gear. "Rochelle?"

"Huh?" I felt like I was still three-quarters asleep and couldn't wake up.

"I couldn't find you when I woke up."

"Mm."

Shaking his head he sat beside me and pulled my coveralls back off and when he reached up and hung them on the hook he asked, "Where do you think you're going anyway? You're still in your nightgown. And why did you sleep downstairs?"

"Uh," was about all I could say as my brain was still missing the firing pen. "I guess I fell asleep reading."

He shook his head, "I think you're still half asleep. Want some tea?"

"No thank you."

"Breakfast?"

"Not hungry. Excuse me; I need to go clean up the mess I made last night."

I stumbled out of the kitchen and went to go pick up the covers I'd used to put them away. I heard Thor take something off the stove and then follow me. I picked up the quilts and had to fight the urge to climb back under them.

He came up behind me and said, "You're really tired. Why don't you go back to bed?"

"Don't want to," I lied.

"Why not? You said yourself there's no way we are getting out in this stuff to bring in more wood? I slipped and slid just going to bring in wood from the pile just off the porch."

Startled I said, "Oh no! Did you fall? Did you hurt your shoulder?" I spun at the same time only my head forgot to bring my brain with it and I stumbled straight into Thor and would have fallen if he hadn't grabbed with me with his good arm.

"What's wrong with you?" he asked concerned.

"I don't know. Nothin'. I'm going to go get dressed."

That definitely got a reaction from him. "Oh no you're not. You are going back to bed."

"No I'm not. I'm not a child to be ordered around like this no matter what you say." I shut up as soon as it came out of my mouth. I did not want to start last night back up. Too late.

"Yeah, about that."

"Forget it Thor. I'm not sure what I did to set you off but I'm sorry you don't like living here … or maybe it's with me. I don't know. I've been trying. I just don't know how to do this now that we don't have the road to occupy us all the time." I wrenched away from him and went upstairs to get dressed so I could work and forget about the loneliness I thought was heading my way.

The thing is the one advantage I have over other people I don't have over Thor. His stride is even longer than mine and where I normally took two stairs at a time with no problem, he took three and caught up with me easily. "Nope. You're going back to bed."

"I told you …"

"Yep. You did. But you are getting in that bed and I'm going to bring you some breakfast and you are going to eat. And then I'm declaring a holiday … a snow day or whatever the heck you want to call it."

"Snow days are for kids …"

And he looked down at my pale face and said, "Just get in the bed Rochelle. We'll talk about it after you get some protein in your system."

I was too tired and miserable to fight so I just crawled in bed, waiting for the guillotine. I must have dozed off because it seemed like only a second before Thor was easing into the bed beside me. I jumped and asked, "Huh?"

He chuckled and said, "Easy unless you want to spill our breakfast. I'm still one armed. Sit up and help me eat this."

Trying to shake the sleep out of my brain and deal with feeling guilty I told him, "You didn't have to do this. I should have. I can't believe you had to cook."

"I cooked on the trail," he reminded me.

"That's not the same. Here you're the guy and I'm supposed to cook for you. The fact you had to means I wasn't doing my job." The very idea rolled my stomach.

"You've got definite ideas of how things are supposed to work don't you." It was a statement and not a question but I still shrugged. "Look, you're going to stay in bed, eat your breakfast and accept my apology for being a jack #$ last night."

I froze and then looked at him from the corner of my eye unsure what was going on. He sighed. "Lord I forget how young you really are. Look at me Rochelle. All the way, not from under your eye lashes." He pulled me back against the pillows and headboard which made me have to turn my neck far to the side at an awkward angle.

Before he could say anything I told him, "I'm sorry Thor. I really don't know what I did to set you off. I … I don't know how to make you want to stay. I know that … I know that you are used to globetrotting around the world and doing all this exciting stuff. I know that this is hard for you. And if … if you can just let us get through … through the winter here I'll … I'll go wherever it is you want to go. Please."

He looked at me funny and said, "You'd really do it too wouldn't you. Even though this is the only home you've ever known. Even though you know that this is a place we could do well in."

I didn't know what he meant so I just took it at face value and shrugged.

He leaned his head back and I was tired of developing a crick in my neck so I started looking at the fire in the fireplace. "Rochelle, this isn't easy for me. It is taking some time to get used to. I'll admit that it is harder than I expected it to be. I don't like not being in control. I don't like being wounded or sick. Having to be both of those things … shot and not in control … and learning to stay in one spot for very long is trying my patience sorely." I hunched my shoulders hating that I was hearing what I already knew, on the other hand I didn't expect what he said next. "But none of that is your fault. You can't fix it for me. I have to learn to do it for myself. Now help me eat this before it gets cold."

"This" was a mess of food; diced ham, chopped onion, sliced potatoes, and scrambled eggs all fried and mixed together with skillet biscuits on the side. Struggled to eat a couple of bites but couldn't force anymore down.

"Don't like my cooking all of a sudden?"

I didn't know how to take that so I said, "It's not your fault, I just don't have much of an appetite."

"I'd say it probably is my fault and that you haven't accepted my apology yet," he told me poking another bite of food in my mouth even as I protested.

"Thor, you don't need to feed me like I'm helpless. And it isn't your fault that you feel the way you do."

"I'm feeding you because you aren't eating and if I'm not responsible for my feelings than who is? You? Don't think so Hon. Anymore than I'm responsible because you automatically assumed that just because I acted like a donkey's backside that it was you I was unhappy with. 'Cause it isn't. I just didn't like feeling useless last night. I didn't like it one bit, but that didn't mean I should have taken it out on you. Something tells me I messed up a prime opportunity for a little fun."

I blushed despite the length of time we'd been together and he swooped down and said right in my ear, "Think you might let me make it up to you?" sending shivers in ever which direction.

"Stop. You don't have anything you have to …"

"But I want to."

"Well I'm not a child you need to pacify. I was acting undignified last night and should have left you alone when I first realized you weren't in the mood."

"Uh oh," he said, shaking his head. "We aren't going that direction. Now I want you to listen to me and not just sort of hear what I'm saying." He stopped and sighed again. "Hon, I'm a guy."

What he said and the way he said it made me looked him and say, "I kinda know that."

He chuckled, "Yeah, but maybe you don't know what that means in particular. It means that having my woman take care of me like I'm some geriatric case after a sweet young thang doesn't do anything good for my pride."

"Geri … huh? Thor, you were shot! You could have died! It was awful. You don't really think I'm so cold hearted that I'd snap my fingers and expect you to start bowing and scraping and working your buns off before you even managed to get your arm out of a sling do you? Just how selfish do you think I am?!"

He moved the tray we were sharing off to the nightstand, put his good arm around me and pulled me back again. "Now see, that's the difference between us. You think that I have the right to lollygag around and heal whenever I see fit while you do all the work. I _know_ I have the responsibility to help out around here more than I have been." My mouth must have been hanging open because he put his finger under my chin and closed it and then kissed me.

"We'll work it out Hon. But … no more going off in the middle of the night where I can't find you. That … upset me." He said it in a mild voice but I could hear underneath that it really had upset him badly.

"I just fell asleep."

"You should have woke me up if you were that upset."

I shook my head. "You were so tired you were snoring. I thought maybe your shoulder was hurting too."

"What was hurting was my pride."

I still didn't understand. "But we've always shared chores before. Even back to the beginning. You know I'm not made of glass. I didn't even have to go out in the wet stuff because of the tunnel."

"Let's put it this way, sharing chores as you call it is something we agreed upon when we could both do them … we just were splitting the work to make it easier on each other. Here and now … I don't like my bride having to do something just because I can't. It's not sharing anymore at that point; it's you doing all of the work."

He was such a guy. "Thor when I was sick and all or if I got hurt wouldn't you do for me?" I knew he was seeing what I was saying when he got this mulish look on his face. "It's the same thing. When your arm doesn't need the sling or a bandage you'll be back to working like a dog, same as always. I just don't get … Thor I'm not some girly girl. I mean I try some for your sake but to be honest I'm just part mule. I like working. I always have."

"Rochelle, I've told you about talking about yourself like that."

I rolled my eyes. "For your information I happen to like mules. I like them better than horses. They aren't near so particular and I think they're smarter too. The idea of owning some fancy thoroughbred has never interested me but I sure did want an Appaloosa Mule like my grandfathers used to raise."

"Don't. You know what I mean."

"I do … I just don't think being compared to certain characteristics of a mule is derogatory."

"Well I do … so don't do it anymore."

I sighed and muttered in a disgruntled voice, "You sure are particular. The way you have us going I'm going to be completely useless by next winter except maybe as a cook and laundress."

"Nope, I won't let you go that far but you are going to have to back off and let me be the man of the house." He said it playfully but looking in his eyes I realized he really meant what he was saying.

Refusing to let him play away something that serious I told him, "You are the man of the house. You're the boss aren't you?"

Realizing I wasn't going to let him let it go he said, "Being man of the house is about more than being the boss. My grandfather was 'the boss' and my grandmother and mother tippy toed around his every whim but I knew even as a kid that wasn't what the head of the house was supposed to be about. I don't want to boss you around although I expect I'll do that sometimes. What I want is to be who you turn to when you need something, who you trust to make decisions, who you respect above all others. I want you to know I'll do whatever it takes to keep you protected, that I'll do whatever it takes to keep the wolves away from the door."

"Thor, if I didn't already feel that way I would never be with you in the first place. I learned to trust you before we got together. I couldn't be with you if I didn't trust you like that. I'm always yammering away at you asking you questions, getting your opinion, taking your suggestions. What more am I supposed to do? Let you work yourself into really being ill while I sit on some little poof cushion like I'm all helpless and junk?"

He tried not to laugh at the picture my last words had made; I could see it in his face but it came out anyway. "No. No I don't think I could ask that of you." He put his chin on the top of my head and squeezed me with another hug. "Just … just let me be a guy. I could have tried to take care of the animals last night, it wouldn't have killed me. And if I couldn't then I would have had to man up and come back and get you for some help."

Not really seeing the sense in that all I could do was answer, "I guess."

"And if I say something to hurt your feelings you need to say something, not just crawl off upset."

Mildly affronted I said, "I did not crawl off."

"Then why did I wake up to find you gone? I got worried. You didn't even answer when I called. If the door hadn't been opened I wouldn't have even thought to look in the room where you fell asleep."

"I told you I was reading and must have just fallen asleep is all."

"Uh huh. Next time you feel like 'reading' how about a good pillow fight. Bet that'll tire you out better."

I rolled my eyes thinking that while he might have lots more experience with the opposite sex than I did he obviously still didn't have it all figured out either. On the other hand I was grateful that the … well whatever it was … was over with and I promised myself that I'd be a little more sensitive to his man-pride. I also wished I had thought to ask my mother about things like that. Dad and Thor shared a lot of personality traits and I expect the man-pride issue was one of them. Mom had known how to manage Dad and I wished she was still around to give me pointers on how she did it. It seemed like it was a lot more complicated to handle a man than guys made it out to handle girls.

We finished our breakfast despite the fact that it had gotten cold. While he took the tray back to the kitchen I got up to add another piece of wood to the fire. I stood up and turned around to find him leaning against the doorframe with a particular look on his face.

"What?" I asked.

"Nuthin'"

I snorted and then went to grab some clean clothes. "Hey! What are you doing?"

"Getting dressed."

"Uh uh. I declared a snow day remember? No work."

"Fine. No heavy work but I can't just lie around in bed all day."

"Why not?" he asked with a quirk of his eyebrow.

"Because. It isn't seemly. I'm not sick or anything. As it is you've already brought me breakfast in bed. I feel like a lazy pig."

"OK, how about keeping me company then."

Well, I reckon anyone with sense can figure out that one thing led to another and before long I could have cared less about anything that wasn't going on outside of that room.

Afterwards we both went to sleep. I woke up when Thor's stomach rumbled right in my ear.

I smiled and he said, "Oops."

The way he said it made me going from smiling to giggling. I was a little embarrassed but Thor, he looked like he'd run into the side of a building. It worried me and I asked, "Um … was … I mean …"

Thor looked at me and said in a really strange voice, "My brain is mush. It's leaking out of my ears."

"Uh … is that a good thing or bad? I mean, was it like, you know, worth the wait?"

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?"

I felt myself go red from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet. "I sorta, well, thought that was obvious."

A satisfied male sigh came before he said, "Yes Hon, it was worth it. If it had any more worth it I'd have gone to meet the Maker."

"Oh. So when you look like someone had beaned you with a two-by-four between the eyes that's a good thing."

He didn't answer with words. Sometime later we were talking about nonsense and about other stuff barely more important when somehow we got to calling each other silly names. Each took turns being ever more outrageous when he suddenly got serious and called me something to do with treasure but that's all I heard before a bottle rocket went off in my head.

"Oh! Oh! I remember!" I said scrambling off the bed, dragging all the covers with me.

I was dashing down the staircase, trying not to fall and break my neck before Thor managed to bellow, "Hey! Where do you think you're going?!"


	72. Chapter 72

Chapter 72

"Woman! You took all the covers! It's cold!"

My laughter must have carried up the stairs because Thor said, "When I catch you Woman, you're not going to be laughing!"

"Hold onto your pants, I'll be right back!" I yelled.

A sqwauk of indignation preceded, "I would if I had any on!"

I laughed again but decided not to try his patience, grabbed what I had run downstairs for, and then ran back up before jumping on the bed, trapping us both in the mess of covers and laughing my head off.

"Ro-chelle …" came a warning growl.

"Oh keep your shirt on … I mean …" I fell into another fit of laughing.

Thor sighed and shook his head. "And just what – besides me – had put you in such a good mood?"

I flopped around and finally got the covers back over both of us and reasonably straight. "Guess what?" I asked.

"I'm not sure I even want to know at this point if it is going to make you go as crazy as a doodle bug," he said with a smile.

"Spoil sport. Seriously, guess what I found?"

Just to egg me on he said with an innocent look, "It … um … looks like a book."

"Oh never mind, you'll never guess," I said suddenly wanting to bolt forward and bring him in on what I had found. "You remember that stuff we found at Uncle Bentley's? The old jewelry I thought was just costume stuff, the coins, and the maps?"

I'd caught his attention. "Yeah," he answered cautiously.

"I don't know … can't remember if I mentioned it or not … but supposedly there was supposed to be some connection between Uncle Bentley's family and the Charbonneau clan."

"Yeah, you've mentioned it a time or two; said the Griffey's and your family were related but you couldn't remember how."

I bounced around a little and then stopped realizing that the bed wasn't meant for someone my size to be bouncing around on it when the headboard smacked the wall hard enough to ricochet back at Thor's head. While he rubbed his head and readjusted the pillows I said, "Well, it wasn't the Griffey's but his maternal side and it wasn't that we were kin … blood or by marriage." I just sat there looking at him, waiting.

Thor rolled his eyes and said, "OK, I'll bite. How was your family and Griffey connected?"

"Well, back generations upon generations … back before the War Between the States …"

"The Civil War?" he interrupted.

I told him firmly, "Back before the War Between the States."

Thor rolled his eyes again but smiled so I continued. "Back before then there was a man down in the Gulf named Roger Charbonneau …"

"Say it again," Thor told me.

"That name, say it again."

"Roger Charbonneau? What about it?"

"Do you speak French?"

"Are you listening to me at all?" I yelped.

"Of course I'm listening to you. You said that name like a native … of Paris."

I humphed a sigh. "Thor. You … are … being strange … again. No, I am not conversationally fluent in French but I did take it in highschool. Besides, with a name like Charbonneau and all of the hand me down names we have in the family I know how they are supposed to sound. Now can I get back to my story?"

He nodded, "Sure. But I wouldn't mind if you whispered some sweet nothings to me in French. I don't care what you say but the accent … oo la la."

I grabbed a pillow and smacked him one and said, "Behave or you won't get any oo la la any more." He stopped and gave me an impossibly angelic look that I had to ignore or I'd bust out laughing again and that would only have encouraged him to be worse than he already was. I cleared my throat and finally got back to the story. "This Roger Charbonneau was … well … from everything in the family history he was a good man for the most part but he was also a bit of a rogue. He wasn't a scoundrel though, just mischievous with a tendency to go his own way in life. He also gambled though unlike most people he was successful at it because he was very skilled and knew when to quit when he was losing."

I let this sink in, trying to give Thor a second to absorb the character I was trying to describe. "Now he was also a lady's man … a big time lady's man … but still gentlemanly about it or so the women in my family always said. I suspect that he was a little freer with his attention than folks want to admit though, but then again that was before his marriage."

Thor said, "Uh huh. And is this story actually going some place?"

I hit him with the pillow again. "I'm not prone to telling stories for no reason. Just listen, I'm getting there. You just need some background."

"You hit me with that pillow again …"

"… you said if you were irritating me I could hit you with a pillow."

He shook his head. "I said if I upset you we could work it out with a pillow fight. So far I'm not fighting back if you'll notice."

"If you'd stop interrupting this story sure would go a whole lot faster." I knew that he was irritating me on purpose to just yank my chain. And he knew that I knew. It was kind of funny but at the same time he was getting his toes close to the line and I gave him a look to let him know that too.

"Now unlike a lot of Frenchman, Cajuns, and Creoles in the New Orleans area our boy Roger didn't care where someone had come from before he would be friends with them. Roger, even thought his father was wealthy French businessman and his mother Acadian … a Cajun … had many friends outside of those strict social groups, including people of different economic and religious backgrounds from his. But then his father died and poor Roger was suddenly the head of the family. Over the next five years he developed a dislike of the society he had to go around in during the day … so at night he shall we say lived it up a little too hard. He would go down by the gambling houses near the water at night and live hard and play hard just so that he could stand the pressures and conformity he had to deal with during the day. His mother and younger siblings all loved the life and he loved them so he felt a responsibility to continue to provide the life they had always known even if it meant giving up his own desires. It didn't help that his mother was always harping on him to find a woman and settle down, her way of forcing him even more deeply into the role that he was playing, of making it permanent. You see, she alone knew how close he was to the edge as he was very like her own father who had been an adventurer until the sea took his life when she was a young girl."

Thor was trying to look interested but I knew that he wasn't getting it so I skipped over some of the other romantic stuff and got to the action. "Roger had a good friend by the name of Marcus. Marcus came from a very poor background and on top of all of the other failings that Roger's mother constantly enumerated, he was an 'American.' In other words he was anything but of French descent and anything other than Roger's social equal. Roger didn't care though. Marcus had covered his back during more than one fight that could have turned deadly and was also a good business partner. In return for the friendship Roger put Marcus onto jobs that would help him provide money for his family – the story goes that Marcus' father was a disabled sailor who was drunk more than sober – and save enough to buy some land of his own which was his dream."

"One night Roger and Marcus decided to go to the slave market. I know it isn't politically correct but such things existed back then. Roger wasn't interested in slaves but his mother was looking for a new indentured girl to be a companion for his youngest sister after the last one had completed her indenture and left. There were no one looking to indenture themselves that night that was suitable so they decided to go a few doors down and join what sounded like a rowdy good party. And that's where our story takes a turn."

Thor asked in a falsely enthusiastic voice, "It is?" When I gave him a repressive look he grinned unrepentantly but shut up and let me finish the story.

"Roger stopped half way through the door. Marcus had to nudge him several times before he finally would move. The scene sounds pretty unbelievable, even today. There was a party going on all right but it was a pretty raunchy one with only the lowest women of ill repute, not the higher class of courtesans that were the norm at such parties that Roger and Marcus usually went to. This made the young girl who was tied to a beam in the corner of the room stand out even more. She'd obviously been ill-used but she was still lovely despite that. And according to Roger's own journals the loveliness was more than just skin deep. The man who had her was a well known piece of dockside garbage … and violent drunk on top of it. He was in deep to the local … I guess you'd call them loan sharks today … and well-known or not he was about to take a permanent swim if he didn't come up with the money to pay off his debts. No one would take his IOUs so he was using the girl as collateral."

"Let me guess. Ol' Roger joined the game and not only cleaned the piece of garbage out but won the girl."

I smiled grimly, "Not quite. Roger won the girl but only after Marcus cleaned the guy out. Roger wasn't the only gambler remember and he'd taught Marcus really well. That's when the fight started. And then someone knocked over a lantern and the old wood and tar building that was literally soaked in years of cheap rum and other alcohol was quickly engulfed in flames. Roger and Marcus were able to able to rescue the girl and escape but Roger was badly injured in the process. Weeks go by and the girl helps to nurse Roger back to health and lo and behold Roger falls in love … but he has a nasty facial scar from a piece of dripping tar that not even a beard will hide. Back in those days in some circles a pretty face mattered nearly as much as it does today. Roger could no longer be 'the face' of the family business and it didn't hurt his feelings at all. The long and the short of it was that he turned the family business over to his two younger brothers who were finally of age and took the girl, who was pining for her family, back to her home. And that's how the Charbonneau name came the mountains of Virginia. Go ahead, ask me what happened to Marcus now."

Thor laughed but played along. "OK, what happened to ol' Marcus?"

"Roger had wanted Marcus to accompany him to Virginia thinking it would be a good place for his friend to find a farm and start his own family. He was happy so he wanted his friend to be happy."

"Didn't happen that way I take it."

"No. See Marcus suddenly got greedy. He didn't just want a little farm to call his own he wanted a plantation and though he'd won quite a bit of money that night it wasn't nearly enough to fulfill his new dreams. To win more money he had to use his savings and play with richer and richer men which meant he had to take on a richer and richer façade which cost more and more money to maintain. And believe it or not, for a while it worked. But when he started looking the part of some of the rich but debauched men he eventually started acting like them as well. And Roger wasn't there to moderate his behavior and warn him away from disaster."

"So ol' Marcus got himself into some trouble."

"Some? Try a lot. Like I said, maybe it isn't politically correct but back then slaves and women … their lives were not always good. Some women became … there's lots of names for them and hardly any of them polite. Basically they were just trying to survive though it doesn't make their choice of career right. And in those population of women and slaves certain diseases were common. On one of his excursions to the wild side Marcus caught the Great Pox."

"You mean small pox. I knew it could be a problem back then. He must have died hard."

"I said the Great Pox, not small pox. He did die hard but it took years." At Thor's confusion I explained, "The great pox was another name for syphilis. Two years after Roger has started his new life Marcus, accompanied by his younger brother, show up in the area looking for him. Marcus' younger brother … his younger brother named Ben … begged him for refuge in memory of the friendship that Roger and Marcus once had. Roger knew right away that something was up. For one thing he'd had letters from his mother telling him the rumors that Marcus had been generating about himself and how she'd even been forced to run him off after she'd caught him sneaking around trying to … er … encourage one of Roger's sisters into a less that appropriate relationship."

I stopped and just waited and it wasn't a moment before Thor admitted, "OK, I'm hooked … I take it the story continues from there."

"Yep. Poor Marcus is greatly changed from the man that Roger had known. The great pox has debilitated him but no one at the time knew exactly how much. Ben took Roger aside and explained that the rest of their family had died of one of the local fevers and that only he and Marcus survived it but during that time Ben discovered that Marcus had gone into cahoots with some pirates and then had betrayed the pirates telling them that what they'd put into his safekeeping had been stolen while the city had been shut down by the epidemic by another band of pirates. Marcus had lied, he was the one that had stolen it."

"And what exactly was 'it' or does … wait … you're not saying."

I couldn't help it. I grinned a Cheshire cat grin and said, "Now you're putting two and two together Big Boy. 'It' was chest of ill gotten gain. Ben apparently never told Roger exactly what all was in it but he showed him enough that even brave and resourceful Roger got worried. Roger helped Ben buy a small farm on the other side of the river and even introduced the young man around who became a popular addition to the community … young men with good sense and the means to put it to good use usually were in those days. The only fly in the ointment was that Marcus' ailment became more obvious as his mental faculties disintegrated. Sometimes Marcus would disappear for days and weeks at a time. It became so bad that Ben had to lock Marcus up for his own good and the safety of his neighbors who he'd begun to act paranoid that were out to 'steal his treasure.'"

"You've got to be kidding me."

"My grandmothers said that the tale used to be told as a ghost story around these parts but that it had pretty much disappeared from local lore by the time my father was a boy."

"So what happened?"

"Marcus became violent and one night when Ben went to take him his dinner, he attacked his younger brother and escaped … taking the treasure with him. Ben was injured but not so badly that he couldn't get to Roger's farm … this farm … and get help for himself and to warn folks that his brother was on the loose and dangerous. The area people appreciated that Ben – despite the potential social cost to himself – had been willing to warn them and when Marcus was finally found by one of them wandering in the mountains they didn't kill him but instead took him back to Ben. Marcus was nearly completely gone by that time and died a week later of what sounds like malnutrition and exposure. The only intelligible thing he said after he was found was 'You'll never find it.' He would say that over and over and over again. Ben nursed him single handedly up to the very end despite his own injuries that he was recovering from. Marcus was buried and a legend was born. Uncle B is a however many greats nephew of Marcus on his maternal side."

Thor just looked at me. Then he said, "I can't tell if you're serious or if this is another one of your stories."

I opened up the book and showed him a couple of old water colors and a couple of sketches. "This is supposed to be what Roger looked like as a young man. There is a real painting down in my dad's office in the curio cabinet but it is a smaller than this … only about a three by five … and he is older in it. His wife's name was Drucilla … Drucilla Robertson … and her picture is down there too; she was several years younger than Roger when they married. Roger and Drucilla's son was the one that started this book. It's been rebound several times; my grandfather was the last one to do it. Dad was going to do it but he never … never got around to it. Mom used the last couple of pages on me." I had to stop because for some reason suddenly I felt like I was gonna cry.

"Hey, none of that. Not today. Instead of rebinding this one, why don't we start one of our own? There's enough fancy paper in that scrapbooking place you got lost in to choke a herd of goats. We can use that."

I slapped his hand away that was brushing at my near tears that hung on my lashes, but I still laughed. "I told you not to wait for me. Mom always hustled us out of there, the lady that owned the place always complained that I made all her fancy doodads and glass knickknacks jump around when I walked in the store."

"Mean ol' hag," he said but quickly added "The store owner, not your mother."

That did it, I had to laugh despite it all. "Mom really would have loved you. And I'd loved to start the next volume of the family history. It makes sense. The world has just been force fed a large dose of Ipecac and those of us that have survived the purge are having to start over."

Thor raised an eyebrow and said, "That's … um … some picture you paint. As soon as the ice thaws we'll head back to town and salvage enough for a hundred generations. How's that sound?"

"Wonderful … a little over ambitious, but still wonderful. But we also have another adventure to go on as well."

"You want to rebury the treasure? I mean I assume that's what you are saying all of those gold coins are … Marcus' treasure."

"I don't want to rebury it but possibly unbury another one."

Thor did a double take and said, "Now, I stayed awake through that whole story and I know for a fact you only mentioned one treasure. And what do you mean possibly?"

Smiling I told him, "That is where Uncle Bentley's map comes in."


	73. Chapter 73

Chapter 73

I picked up Uncle Bentley's map that Thor had thrown on the dresser the previous day and tossed it to him. "Yeah, I believe the coins, old jewelry, and possibly some of the junk we didn't bring back with us are the remnants of the original treasure. Somehow … maybe through clues handed down through his family or maybe just by accident … he found it during one of his trips into the mountains."

Thor nodded his understanding and then waited for me to continue while he unfolded the map. "I was looking at that the other day, trying to decipher all of Uncle B's symbols and I noticed that one of those marks is different from all the rest. It is the same mark we think he used for caches but the one I'm referring to is drawn in yellow. I almost didn't see it because of that and because it is on that crease right there."

Looking at where I pointed Thor asked, "You think Griffey took the treasure and buried something in its place. And you think that place is located at this one symbol."

"Maybe. Worth a look anyway doncha think? One last adventure before we turn into an old married couple and start spitting out kids like they're watermelon seeds?"

Thor nearly choked on the mouthful of lukewarm coffee he'd just put in his mouth. It took him forever to stop snorting and spitting so he could get his breath back. I had to move the map because he was making a mess. "Woman! The things you say!"

We both wound up laughing at absolutely nothing. Finally he asked, "And just when do you want to start this treasure hunt?"

Crawling back under the covers and giving Thor an innocent look I said, "Oh, we'll get around to it. Right now I think we've got more important things to … er … think about." Thor's slow smile showed a great deal of approval for tabling the issue.

It was three days before the snow and slush were gone but after that there was mud. Lots of mud. There was no going anywhere with the tractor or the wagon but after several days stuck at the farm I could tell that Thor wanted to get out a bit. His arm was rocking along at better than eighty-five percent and the rest of it would come as he used it and the strength came back. He wouldn't be lifting anything heavy with it for a while but the danger of infection had passed and he could go around with his arm in a sling and just a minor bandage to keep the new skin from getting irritated.

Rather than go off on foot we took the horses, who were also getting a little antsy at being cooped up, and rode to town to see if there was anything that needed securing before the weather ruined it.

"Thor?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you sure it's the transfer switch on the generator?"

"No, I'm not sure, at least about that being the only problem, but it is at least one of them. Its frozen into utility mode and preventing the generator from coming on. What I don't understand is why none of the systems are coming on. It's possible that there was a lightning strike that put just enough voltage into your dad's set up. I can't get the solar back up to come on … none of the power redundancies to come on even though everything looks like it should be charging away. I'm going to pick up a new breaker panel just in case that is the problem." He blew air out that looked like he was smoking a pipe. "It's times like this I wish Alfonso was around."

"Miss 'em?" I'd asked him before and it was probably a stupid question to ask again but sometimes I really wondered how Thor was going to get used to be away from everything he had known for so many years.

Thor didn't really answer but instead said, "Doesn't matter if I do or not. They aren't here and I am and I'm wishing I had paid more attention when Alfonso was putting together the backcountry power units we had access to every once in a while. It's too easy when you are the boss to order someone to do something but never learn to do it yourself."

It took a little longer to get to town because we were careful with the horses. Last thing we needed was for one of them to stumble and get hurt; it's not like we could just go out and buy another horse which got me to thinking about how were we going to eventually replace them.

Since it was a priority we hit the electrical supply house operated by the transformer manufacturer first and then we rode down to the scrapbooking hobby shop. Thor said, "Be right back" and then took off around the building. I thought he just wasn't interested in what I was going in there for but then I heard the distinctive sound of a zipper and understood what he'd meant. The bathrooms in most of the businesses were really rancid and dark so bodily functions were easier to take care of in a more natural setting.

I was in the hobby shop for about ten minutes and starting to get concerned that Thor hadn't returned when looked out the window and I saw him being marched along by three guys who were all pointing guns at his back. There was blood running from his hair line and around his ear. When I got a better look at the three behind him all I can say is I was red hot and real close to popping my rivets.

I didn't even bother being careful I was just that shocked and PO'd. When one of them jabbed him in the ribs and said, "You are either going to tell us where your friend is or …" I completely lost it.

"You poke him one more time Strother and I'm going to rip the scalp right off your skull!"

All three of the guys made funny yelping noises and turned in my direction. Thor had turned around ready for a smack down but backed off when he saw me standing there on the steps of the store glaring at the three guys who'd suddenly gone for big bad dogs to whipped puppies.

"Lawson, if your brother doesn't have any sense I would have hoped that you would have let him borrow some of yours but obviously not. And Johnson I'm more disappointed in your than the other two put together. Just what the Sam Hill do you three stooges think you are doing manhandling my husband like that?!"

A whole bunch of gobbling started coming out of their mouths making absolutely no sense at all. Thor finally whistled for quiet and asked me, "I take it you know these three?"

"Know them?! Of course I know them! I played football with them forever and we were on the same Venture Crew. But if you are asking me if I know where they've parked their brains you'll get a completely different answer. Of all the lame brained, numb skulled …"

I thought their teeth were going to fall out when Thor said, "Now Hon … no harm no foul … I don't think you need to flay the skin off of 'em."

"I'll flay more than the skin. Is your arm …?"

A warning look told me Thor would prefer I not mollycoddle him in public so I stopped. I did however go down the stairs to stand firmly by his side and glare at the three young men that I'd known my whole life while I wiped the blood off of his face. And then out of the blue by anger evaporated and I had to hold onto Thor to keep my knees from quaking.

"Uncle Bentley told me everyone was dead. Oh Lord." I was having a bit of a reaction and was struggling to maintain my composure.

Johnson started looking around carefully while asking in a too casual voice, "Mr. Griffey with you?"

I shook my head but it was Thor who answered, "Johnson right?" When Johnson nodded he said, "Griffey's dead." He didn't give any details but his tone of voice had a quality that conveyed enough that my friends understood that it was a touchy subject not to be broached unless necessary.

I patted Thor's arm and said, "It's OK Thor. They aren't greenies, they're too much the carnivore for that."

Strother half grinned and said, "Only you would look at it that way Rocky." He turned to Thor and said, "Look man, sorry we got off on the wrong foot. Things have been crazy around here for a while. You two look pretty good though."

I turned and told him, "Anybody would look good compared to the three of you. What have you been doing? Rolling around in dog mess? Lord, take a bath already."

While Strother and Johnson blushed at my frankness Lawson said, "We've been trying to track down our hogs. They busted down a piece of their fence and we just finished rounding them up."

I was afraid to ask but I had to anyway. "Uncle Bentley really did say that everyone … that everyone was dead. That those that hadn't been poisoned had been hunted down and killed."

Strother, the more volatile of the two Hefling brothers, asked, "Yeah, and did he tell you what part he played in that?"

Thor growled at the implied criticism and I had to put my hand on his chest to get him to back down. "Knock it off Strother. It just about killed me to find out …" I stopped and drew a deep breath. "I didn't know about Uncle B's … tendencies or whatever you want to call them. He was nearly as crazy as a bed bug by the time we got to town and found him and found out what had been going on. Can we sit down some place? If there are going to be more revelations I'd rather not be standing if it is going to … to be … to be worse than it already is."

Johnson knew me probably better than the other two did and said, "Knock it off Stro. You know Rocky and you know she wouldn't have ever put up with that kind of BS and neither would Mr. Charbonneau."

All three looked at me and I couldn't answer them. Thor did it for me, "Rochelle's parents died in the first attack out in San Francisco. She's gone through a lot to get home. We've all gone through a lot. She's just now coming to terms with some of it so cut her some slack." The last was said with an edge of steel and they got the message.

Johnson said, "Coach is going to freak."

That brought my head up and around. "Coach?!"

He grinned a big farm boy's grin, "Yeah. They didn't get as many people at that school meeting as they thought. Just because they checked names off didn't mean people stayed for the party after they came through the door. A lot of kids from school said they'd go to the meeting but then we were supposed to meet up to say hi and junk, kinda trade stories and see if we could help each other out. We signed in with our families but when everyone was milling around waiting for the meeting to start we'd sneak off one or two at a time and rendezvoused in the locker rooms. Coach found out about it somehow and came to round us up to keep us from getting into trouble. His wife was with him 'cause he thought … you know … we had some girls and stuff going on. But we didn't and that's when Stro's little sister comes running in and crying and saying people are starting to get sick and falling over and that she can't get their mom to … you know. It was bad."

Lawson continued the story. "They caught a lot of people. They did. But not everyone had been willing to be bribed with the food so not everyone had eaten everything. It was real crazy. My Dad … he hadn't wanted to come because him and mom were fighting about the child support again but he did and … anyway he's having a hard time with Mom being dead; it made his PTSD come on and he couldn't tell whether he was in the gym or back over there. He doesn't remember much but the people he saved said he kept telling them to play dead and then crawl over in the dark behind the bleachers and go out through that little mechanic's door that is there. You know the one the kids always used to go catch a smoke."

I nodded. Stro picked up the story from there. "We were doing OK, not great, but OK. Those greenie fools may think they are all mother nature and crap but they get lost in the woods the same as most city folks … worse because no one cares if they get lost and die. It was easy to fool them and sometimes make them do something so stupid they kilt themselves dead doing it. They were easy to freak out in the dark too which was kinda fun." Lawson and Johnson looked a little irritated at Stro's words but didn't say anything. Stro was who he was and no one was ever going to be able to iron his wrinkles out. "But then that sickness came and it was all we could do to not die ourselves."

Thor said, "Griffey claimed that a large Greenie group released it trying to clear out all of the refugees from the cities that were on the highway."

Johnson nodded and said, "That's something close to what Coach thought. Or at least he was sure the greenies did it but he thought the refugees brought it with them from the cities."

I asked, "Did … did the town lose a lot of people that way?"

"What, the sickness? No, hardly any. The only ones who died tried to come into town looking for food and stuff too soon. The bodies of the dead people hadn't even done much more than start to rot. We figure they were still infectious for up to a month after they died. The wetter they decomposed the longer they were a threat. People learned mostly. There were one or two stupid ones but mostly we just holed up and waited for it to be over. We'd already been hiding anyway … hunting cabins, family farms way back in the woods, you know the drill."

I nodded and then looked at Thor. He said, "We don't want trouble but I have to ask. Does anybody hold that GWB crap against Rochelle?"

I tried to say something but he gave me a quick look and I stopped. Lawson said, "Wow. I didn't know anybody but Mr. Charbonneau and Coach could do that."

"You want me to plant you Lawson?" I asked, embarrassed that they'd noticed.

Johnson smiled, "It's funny to hear someone besides a substitute teacher call you Rochelle too." They knew me well enough that they'd gone just about as far as I was up to tolerating at that moment. All three suddenly got serious but it was Stro that answered. "Rocky, I'll be honest. My dad ain't too with it some days. He says things sometimes he really don't mean when he is in his right mind, but he's the only one with that excuse. And by that I mean that most folks don't think what has happened is your fault but there are a couple that maybe you shouldn't … you know … trust and stuff until you get a feel for things around here again. Damascus ain't the same place it was. People are … are sad and angry … mostly they're scared though. The winter is going to be hard and maybe some won't make it. A few have turned kinda funny in the head and all paranoid and junk; they aren't really the ones we worry about."

Thor asked, "Who do you worry about?"

"Couple of family have relatives from out of town. They don't act like us and they don't really think like us. All they care about is theyselves and what somebody owes them."

Johnson muttered, "At least they aren't as bad as Kemper."

"Kemper? Mr. Kemper … the guy that owned the Laundromat?" I asked surprised. "The guy any little kid could talk into giving a donation to their fund raiser?"

He nodded, "One and the same. He was slick as owl … er … crap about it at first. He wasn't the type you know that people thought to be careful of. First he got people on his side by getting organized before everyone else. Then he started doling out ammunition saying he'd make sure things were fair, that everyone could protect themselves … only after a while he promised to protect 'his' people and the ammunition started going to only certain of his friends that kissed his butt. And he's got food and medicine too."

Stro muttered soto voice, "Buncha boot lickers."

His brother shook his head and said, "You know it's more than that Stro. Folks are desperate. And Janie's little brother needed those inhalers."

In an instant I knew what had Stro all bent out of shape. "Stro?"

He turned around and snapped, "She just up and took the baby. Just left. I told her I was going to go to Abingdon and find some medicine for him but she didn't think I would come back. I came back from hunting and they just were like gone. She didn't even leave a note or nothin'. And now she's like in love with this really old guy over there and I can't even get close enough to ask how the baby is. Last time I tried they shot me. If Dad hadn't found me I'd still be laying in the middle of the road where they left me. Just because Shelly ain't my blood doesn't mean she ain't my little girl. I was there when she was born. I'm the one that changed her diapers and fed her when Janie was too tired or sick. Don't nobody listen to that though. They just say, get over it."

I put my hand on his arm and then hugged him. I saw Thor stiffen a bit but I'd have to explain later. Stro fought me at first but then he stomped his feet and cried, "Nobody understands! Nobody cares!"

Still hugging him I said, "Sure we do. But it's hard to see how much you're hurting and it makes us want to make it go away for you so stupid stuff gets said not realizing it is only hurting you more."

After a few more seconds he hugged me back hard and then stood back up straight and looked away while he got himself composed. With a look I told Thor I'd tell him the story in a bit and looked at Lawson who nodded his head then at Johnson who gave me a fist bump before saying, "If you two can hang around a few more minutes a few more people should be coming around." When Thor went on alert he added, "These people are OK … Coach, my brother Sandford, and Mr. McCarter. They know Rocky from school and it's all cool."

Sandford was Thor's age and at first bristled about him being my husband but when I threatened to knee cap him and Thor only rolled his eyes and told me to stop abusing the rest of the male species; and then a moment later we started picking at each other and Sand and the other men stood down and actually shook Thor's hand and wished him luck. I wasn't too sure I appreciated the inference but on the other hand it meant that Thor had been accepted even if it was in a backhanded way.

Coach asked me, "Rocky? Your parents?"

I should have been expecting the question since I'd already been asked it once but all of the emotions of the moment left me unable to answer so Thor did it for me again. Unlike the guys however Coach and the other two men needed more of an explanation. That however would have to wait as it was getting later in the afternoon and when you aren't driving it takes a bit longer to get where you're going.

It was Sandford who pulled me aside and asked, "Rocky, you sure … I mean, you're home now. If … um … that guy …"

Knowing Sandford since he'd been my Dad's assistant crew leader after his own father had been forced to give it up due to bad knees I knew what he was trying to say. "It's all good Sand. Thor is … he's the other half of me. He's protected me probably more than I know … and as weird as it sounds I'm actually OK with that. I could say a lot of stuff about it but … he makes me feel like a girl … female … a … a woman. Please don't … don't make this into something nasty. It's not. Under any other circumstances I can't seeing us ever having met … but God set it up so that we could. And it's good."

After a thoughtful moment and a sigh he said, "OK. It just seems strange. And you don't seem yourself either."

"I'm definitely me … I'm just the me no one around here could ever seem to see. Thor makes it easier to be me but at the same time makes me want to be a better me. He didn't push me into anything. I promise. It's a real long story and there's no time for it but he's put his life on the line for me way more than once and was there for me even when I wasn't being totally honest and up front with him."

"Sarah is going to want to hear that long story. If it isn't raining tomorrow, you think you two could meet us at the old fire ring? Around lunch time? I'll try and make sure it's just her and I but Johnson might wind up tagging along if he suspects something."

I saw Thor nod out of the corner of my eye which meant he'd been eavesdropping despite giving half an ear to something Mr. McCarter was saying to him. "Sure Sand. You and Thor can put a line in the water while Sarah grills me on the girl stuff."

Sand sighed a half grin and said, "You know her so well." Then Thor and I were alone again heading the direction we needed to go.

"You OK Hon? You're awful quiet."

Rather than answer him I asked, "Thor, what did you make of them?"

Thor seemed to give my question careful consideration. "The boys seem a little young. The man everyone calls Coach is … reserved but in charge. McCarter? Not sure what to make of him. As for that Sanford fella … who's Sarah?"

"Sarah is Sandford's wife so don't get all bent out of shape. She and mom were shirt tail cousins of some type and Mom was teaching her to quilt before … you know before. Dad and Sandford's dad were friends and our two families used to spend a lot of time together during the harvests before Sandford and Johnson's grandfather sold the farm. Mr. McCarter was a deacon in his church and he was one of the people that would get real bent out of shape when he'd hear some of the idiot "devil children" things that could be said on the TV about the GWBs. He could really go off on it and seemed to go in the opposite direction to make up for it to my parents and me. Funny now that I think about it but him and Uncle B never got on very well. Coach … is Coach; not my friend exactly but sure as heck was never an enemy. Kinda like a reluctant mentor, he did resent having to make any kind of concessions for me being a girl though. He was honest about it so I never held it against him. When I was one of his players he never treated me different from the guys, I had to meet all of the same requirements they did and he gave me credit for being able to do it. I respected that a lot more than people that were always trying to cut me slack just because I was a girl or challenged or a GWB. Ran into people that seemed to always turn my existence into something political and that just completely blew."

"So this Sandford … you never … uh … had a crush on him or … or anything like that."

Outraged I said, "Sandford? Are you kidding?! Ew. At one time Sandford and Johnson were like brothers to me. That's … ew Thor … that's just nasty."

Thor cocked his eyebrow, "Don't over play it. I know I'm acting like a jealous fool."

"For one, I'm not over playing it. I never saw Sandford or Johnson like that. Frankly I never saw anyone like that … not really … not until you came along. I don't know why I didn't, I just didn't. Maybe I was a late bloomer or something, at least in that respect. For two, you don't have any reason to be jealous. Even if I was an idiot and willing to risk messing up what we have, I can promise you no guy around here is going to think about me like that. You saw how they looked when I said we were together. And their ears nearly fell off when I said you were my husband. The only reason … and I mean the only reason … Sandford acted like he did was because he felt some kind of obligation because of Dad and because you and he are about the same age and he can't see me as anything other than … whatever it is he thought I was before."

Thor shook his head and said, "I don't know whether to feel blessed, lucky, or question the intelligence of the men in this town. Whatever it is, they are too late. You're mine and that's final."

I hooted a laugh. "You'll get no argument from me." After a second I wondered, "It does seem strange that we've been here this long and not even had a clue anyone else was here until now."

"Not too strange. If they were avoiding the town because they thought there were more greenies still around or due to possible continued infection potential. And from the sound of things everyone is out the other direction of town, we could have just missed them. That does let out us doing more salvaging however."

I told him grimly, "Not necessarily. We don't know how many people are left. I'm going to try and get that information out of Sandford or Sarah tomorrow. We also don't know how well set up they are though I suspect they aren't that well off if people are scared about the coming winter. I also don't know to what extent they've been preparing or how serious any of them have been. It also means that I want … sorry … I would like your approval to start salvaging larger items before the other group thinks about it."

Thor looks at me and says, "My approval?"

"I said I was sorry Thor. I'm trying."

"So I see. Now do me a favor and stop trying so hard. I don't want you to feel you have to stop wanting stuff nor do I expect you to ask for my approval for everything thing. Your idea is a good one and something I think we need to move to the top as a priority. I don't expect you to feel like you have to act like you've got pillow stuffing for brains. In fact just the opposite; you're smart and I expect that to show up in our team work … I want that to show up in our team work. Just don't go off on your own without including me or at least telling me so I can see if I can help or flesh out the plan a little. I do have more experience in that respect than you."

"You … you sure that I'm not making a mess out of this? I'm sorry I stepped on your man toes before and …"

He barked out a surprised laugh. "My man toes?"

"Aw come on, you know what I mean."

He laughed and little more and said, "Yes, I know what you mean. Just do me a favor. Don't treat me like I'm a bomb that is about to go off. I'm no more made of glass than you are. I do have my pride but that doesn't mean my pride should have the right to overshadow yours. We're partners. Got it?"

That made me feel good in a way that was hard to explain without someone else thinking I was being immature or girly girl. It just felt good to be thought of as a partner … a mate … an equal, just maybe one that brought different talents and skills to the team.

After we got home there were chores and other things to take care of. It was going to take Thor more than a day to figure out why we couldn't get the house fired up so he just took the supplies down there and left them. We were doing OK so far and it saved using the propane. Most of both tanks remained but when that was gone it was going to be gone for good.

After an early dinner we went upstairs and snuggled while making plans. We looked at the salvage map we had drawn and tried to create a route that would maximize our time out.

"It's still too muddy for the wagon but I still think it is important that we hit the places with the tractors again."

I agreed with Thor and then said, "Um … Thor?"

"Yeah Hon?"

"You … you know kinda … oh brother."

My unusual hesitance made Thor put down the map and turn to look at me. "What is it?"

"I'm not sure."

"Not sure what?"

"I … argh!"

"Rochelle if you don't spit it out …"

Embarrassed for absolutely no reason that made any sense I said, "Thor you've like … you know … been with other women."

Thor just sat there looking at me before saying, "I'm not going to discuss that with you. I … er … don't think … Why on earth would you start talking about this now?"

I decided that since he couldn't read my mind I was obviously just going to have to spit it out. "Look, tomorrow, give me a little time alone with Sarah, OK? I just need to ask her some female stuff."

"O ho, no, we are not going down that path. If you have a question about something we are doing then you can ask me."

I chewed my lip trying to say it without hurting his feelings. "I don't think it is what you think it is about Thor. What we do isn't … well blast it … you know I like being with you. That's not what I mean. Just … just talking to Stro today …"

He bowed up and asked, "What the blazes does he have to do with anything?"

"Oh settle down. He doesn't, not directly. I was just … I mean … the … little girl. Look, what I'm trying to ask is there, you know, a kinda simple way to, um, keep doing what we're doing without, you know, paying the consequences for it right away?"

It was a moment but he finally understood what I was asking. "You don't want kids."

"Of course I want kids so long as they're yours. It's just … ding blast it … there is so much work for us to get things set up this winter. When Stro started talking I remembered how sick and tired Janie always was and how it didn't stop after the baby was born. I'd willingly go through that if I have to but I … confound it … I don't want to dump everything in your lap right out the chute!"

After a moment Thor relaxed and shook his head like either he or I were crazy. "Ro-chelle I swear. Look at me. Yeah, there's … things … we can do to be a little more careful. And if you would prefer to ask your friend Sarah then go ahead. And no, I don't have a problem with it. But you worry me like that one more time and I'll turn you over my knee. I've never been the jealous type and feeling that way when it concerns a boy that doesn't look like his brain is firing on all cylinders makes it worse. I should have thought of it myself. I need to be thinking about things like that for both our sakes."

I would have laughed in relief if I hadn't been worried that Thor would take it the wrong way. "Stro is all right, he's just not real complicated. Janie always said that so long as you fed and watered him regular he was as easy as a lamb to be with. I know they did things they shouldn't have but he was awful good to Janie after she came back from the summer she spent at her aunts in Virginia Beach pregnant. It was a town scandal and her parents threw her out of the house and Stro talked his grandmother into renting her a room and then did everything he could to get her and her parents on speaking terms again. I didn't even think to ask about them. They must be dead if Janie had her little brother with her."

"She's lucky she was here in the US, she would have been stoned to death in a lot of Mid East countries. What, they're all of eighteen or nineteen?"

"Try again. Stro is twenty-one … he graduated a year ahead of me but started school late and then failed sixth grade. Lawson is my age. Johnson is nearly twenty. He has an early birth day and graduated a year ahead of me too."

"Those boys are older than you? Lord, now I do feel old. Maybe I am robbing the cradle."

I laughed and then enjoyed convincing him that whatever it was that we did, we did it together and by mutual consent and that I was extremely well-pleased by how things had turned out. There were a lot of things I wondered and worried about but that wasn't one of them. I did however, wake up in the night a couple of times wondering if I was going to like what I heard when we met Sand and Sarah. And the old, suspicious part of me snuck out and wondered if I could really trust what I was hearing or would they only say what they thought I wanted to hear.


	74. Chapter 74

Chapter 74

"Well, well, well … look who the cat drug in." Sarah was shaking and had tears coming down her cheeks when I hugged her. I could have picked her up just by standing up straight but I respected her too much to treat her like the porcelain dolly she looked like.

The petite blonde woman hugging me back like I was her long lost twin was my complete opposite in nearly everything except when it came to her mouth. As bad as I could be she beat me all to Flanders and back. I try to only get riled up at people I'm not worried about scaring. Sarah Ann Winkle didn't care if you were man or beast, big or small, young or old … if you got in her face or threatened someone she cared about she'd light up like a Roman candle and aim. Most people with sense learned to walk soft around her after witnessing a couple of her blow ups. If you were who she was blowing up at it only took once.

At the same time she was so sweet and nice she could just about turn you cross eyed. Dad tolerated her because Mom loved her. She was the daughter of a good friend that had died too young. Mom never compared Sarah and I but I often did it to myself. I guess I was about thirteen when Dad took me aside and told me he'd consider it a blessing if I wouldn't use her as my role model. When I asked why – I really admired Sarah's prettiness and what I saw as her ability to stand up for herself – he said that I couldn't get away with it like Sarah did and I'd wind up miserable.

Now that hurt my feelings at the time but then I realized Dad was right. It didn't make it fair but he was most definitely right. Sometimes you just have to hear the truth whether you want to or not and it was better to hear it early and from someone that cared about me as a person than to grow up being foolish and blind. Besides, after I'd matured enough to look at both sides of things I realized while people might avoid putting Sarah into a temper they rarely took her seriously whether she was in one or not.

Put bluntly I'm an English Mastiff – big, loyal, and scary looking unless you get to know me, but also more than capable of doing the job as needed; overall not a dog most people wouldn't even consider having just because of size and lack of "cute" factor. Sarah Ann is like one of those poofy Pomeranian dogs – small, inquisitive, vivacious and spirited, so cute most everyone wants one … or at least until they realize how strong-willed they are and how surprisingly loud and yappy they can be. Sarah Ann is bows and pompoms; I'm bandanas and boots. Sarah Ann grabbed life in both hands and hung on tight; I was always afraid of grabbing it too hard and breaking it. And still somehow we managed to be friendly and not just because of Mom.

"Oh my Lord Rocky! When Sand told me …"

"Geez Sarah, don't turn into a watering pot. Please. Sand will run me off." I was trying to joke her out of her weepiness because if Sandford Winkle got to be an old man he was going to be one of those little old men who will carry a big cane. He was about five foot seven, not impossibly small, but he was thin and wiry and that made people think he was smaller … and when he stood next to me or Johnson he looked downright petite. On the other hand he could hold his own in any fight … Sand was sleek and flexible as a cat and took some kind of krav something or other self defense classes. When he left highschool where he was ROTC, he spent his four in and survived, and then spent three after that in college finishing up a Business degree online from Liberty University. Sand was easy to underestimate but I'd warned Thor that he wasn't anyone to mess with. And Sarah and I both knew it so she knew I was being facetious.

"Oh stop," she said, finally laughing. "And who is this?" she asked somewhere between extreme prejudice and extreme interest.

"Knock it off Sarah, you already have yours. This one is mine and his name is Thor." I'd also warned Thor about Sarah and he was fairly tolerant though I noticed he never got within arms reach of her. Sarah is a hugger and toucher and Thor shared my need for personal space. Usually Sarah ignored that in people but strangely enough she gave Thor a wide berth … maybe because Sand was around, or maybe because she was learning there were less tolerant people in the world than the ones she had grown up with.

"My my, so you found yourself a big 'un to match you. Your mom …" she stopped and we both nodded.

"Yeah, Mom would have eat him up. She always told me that if I let God handle things it would come when I least expected it, but needed it most. Well, I wasn't expecting it that's for sure – didn't even know that I wanted it to be honest – and it took me a while to even admit that I needed it, much less anything else along those lines. I think Dad would have come around but … it would have taken a bit. He would have liked Thor as a person, geez Louise if they wouldn't be two peas in a pod, but the love stuff … now that would have taken more time than we certainly gave it."

It was easy enough to say such things to Sarah, she was pretty blunt, and Thor and Sand had gone off to check out the stream that was nearby. "But look at you," I told her. "Sand didn't say a word. When are you due?"

She blushed a little but I almost didn't see it because of her blindingly bright smile. "We think in about four and a half months, give or take a week or so on either side. I've never been regular and after what the doctor told us … well, you know we thought we would have to go to a fertility specialist to hatch our own. Looks like the doctor was wrong."

I shrugged and said, "Or maybe God just decided it was time or something. Maybe it was His way of saying 'My time and not yours.' Or something like that anyway."

She tilted her head and looked at me. "You would think that … oh and don't ruffle your feathers, you know what I mean. Besides, I'm pretty sure I agree with you. Look we don't have much time, Sand wasn't real comfortable stalling for me. Are you seriously OK? I mean, it's just so unexpected."

I got a little irritated but didn't let it show. I mean I know people never put me at the top of the list when it came to man-catching ability … at least not that type of man-catching … but it still hurt a bit. "Thor and I are good for each other. I … look … not that it is anyone's business but Thor loves me and I love him. And …" I stopped feeling the need to say it but not wanting to at the same time. Needing won out. "Sarah, Thor's the man for me. I trust him. We didn't even … you know … until we got here and even then he didn't jump on me or anything."

"Didn't what?" I didn't know if she was being sly or stupid but since I'd started it I decided to finish it.

"Canoodle. We were together and committed and everything but we wanted to be someplace safe and secure before we potentially did anything to put someone … especially a little someone … in danger just because we couldn't keep our zippers up."

She was trying really hard not to laugh. "You called it canoodling." She was bent over with her hand over her mouth, snorting and giggling for all she was worth. Knowing Sarah, I knew all I could do was let her finish up.

She finally wiped her eyes and said, "I nearly wet myself. I still can't believe you called it…"

"Yeah, yeah … you know what I mean. And looking at you, you know why we made that choice. Don't say anything to Thor please. He's a guy and might not get your sense of humor until he gets to know you better."

She hugged me again and said, "Don't worry. Sand made me promise to behave, especially after he found out how rough Johnson and the Hefling boys were on him. I can't believe he didn't take a swipe at them."

"Yeah, well I almost took a swipe at them. If Thor had they would have been in for some serious hurt. He's …" I stopped not sure exactly what I wanted to tell her. Some secrets were worth keeping.

"Yeah he's big all right and Sand said he gets the vibe he's seen action. Not many men could have kept their temper in that situation."

"Yeah," I answered. But that is all I answered. If Thor wanted information leaked I'd let him do it himself. "Anyway, now that the girl stuff is done, can you tell me what has been going on around here? The boys … well, were boys and I didn't have time to really ask Sand, Coach, or Mr. McCarter about anyone in particular. I can guess a couple … Janie's parents and grandparents must be gone if she had her little brother. Stro and Lawson's mom at the school gym. And I guess Sand told everyone about Uncle Bentley."

"Yeah, he … Rocky, be careful when you mention Mr. Griffey around folks. He … he isn't well liked."

"You mean his memory isn't."

"Either or. We'll pass the word around … and that you weren't involved in any of it … but you still be careful for a while 'til you get the feel for how things are. You weren't here and don't understand."

A little impatiently I said, "No, I was just fighting to stay alive and nearly getting killed a couple of times trying to get home from the other side of the country. Was nearly killed by some rabid greenies half way here and got here and nearly got killed by some more."

"What?! They didn't tell me that! Sanford Charles Winkle!"

No one likes to be called by their full time, especially in the tone of voice she used. Sand had just come out of the bushes with Thor … with a sheepish looking Johnson between them. "Don't fly up at me Sarah, I didn't know it either. One of the reasons I wanted to meet with them was to try and get the full story; there wasn't time for it yesterday." He gave his little brother an aggravated look and told him, "You might as well call any of the others that are out there. Thor may be willing to let you slide for this but I swear I'm about ready to send you to the moon."

Johnson said, "Rocky knows …"

"Don't look at me. Stupid stuff like that can get a body shot these days. You aren't a kid anymore Johnson and this isn't the school yard. Use your head."

Johnson gave me a strange look and then whistled. A little better than half a dozen young men came forward out of the trees. Sand muttered something that sounded like, "Mangy buncha puppies" but none of them took it personally. But I didn't have time to enjoy the reunion because I noticed Thor go on alert which in turn made me go on alert which meant bringing my weapon down and forward.

"Rocky? It was just a gag." Then he shut up when he noticed Sand had also stiffened and looked towards the trees the boys had just come out of.

I told Johnson quietly but with a real serious edged, "If anyone is out there playing 'possum it would be a good time to tell them to knock it off."

I moved around so that Thor and I were back to back. "Rocky?" This time it was Sarah. Before I could answer Sand said, "Hush Sarah Ann. Johnson …"

"It's not one of us. And I know it ain't Mr. Hefling as he is at Mrs. Crenshaw's with that racked up leg. Stro?"

"Dad is out of it … but with that tea that Granny C made up, not out of his head out of it … Just sleeping."

Quietly I told Sand, "You take care of Sarah and the boys. Thor and I have done this too many times and if I'm a target I don't want y'all to get caught in the middle."

"Now just a …" he started but I ignored him and followed Thor into the forest. I could feel it now too. The animals were too quiet; there was something in the woods.

Thor and I did what we had done for months but if it wasn't for his previous career and experience we would have both been badly hurt. A trip wire and a couple of other hastily placed booby traps had been laid. A sudden burst of activity to my right had me spinning and I got a good shot off at a man running away. From another direction came return fire but whoever it was found themselves caught in a crossfire between Thor and I and Sand and the boys.

When I heard movement from their group to head into the woods and help I yelled, "Stop! The woods are boobied!" Things got real quiet but we finally sweated the last two of the enemy and they broke and ran and Thor and I put a period to their escape. We waited a few more minutes but it was easy to tell from how the forest returned to normal that whatever threat that had been sensed was no longer in the area.

Thor wouldn't let me take point despite the fact we returned the same path we had come. I whistled an all clear like in our games of Man Hunt but then added, "Don't leave the clearing. Thor and I are going to check for boobies and see if we can disarm them."

Sand said, "Thor, I was in an IED disarming team."

Thor rumbled approvingly and when we stepped into the clearing told me, "Switch out."

I wanted to object for a lot of reasons but for just as many reasons I didn't and kept my mouth shut. Thor caught my eye and gave me a half wink. I didn't know whether it was approval or commiseration but I took it and it made my choice go down easier. I expected a lot of questions about when Thor and Sand disappeared but instead there was silence and even Sarah look at me like she was having trouble recognizing me.

My defenses slammed in place so hard I'm surprised they didn't echo in the trees. I turned as if I didn't care and went to scan the forest on the opposite side of the small clearing. I could just make out the body of one of the enemy and was trying to determine if I recognized him. It was Stro who joined me and ignoring everything else I asked, "Anyone you know? I can't place him from this angle."

"Could be. He's dressed like a local." I raised an eyebrow, not understanding exactly what he meant. "Them crazy people dress funny … or they did over the summer when there was a lot more of them around. They tried to make out like they were hippies or some such. Dad said they weren't nothing but a buncha commies. Half of 'em were always going around with chiggers and skeeter bites all over 'em. I swear, and people call me dumb, but at least I've got enough sense to put on clothes when the bugs are bitin'. Their feet was always dirty too … nasty, oh my laws were they nasty. Didn't wear proper shoes but flip flops, sandals made out of flat tires, and some that looked like they were made out of twine … and that's when they bothered to wear shoes at all!"

I couldn't help but smile a little at Stro's outrage. For all the things he and Janie got up to he was one of the straightest boys in our group and didn't really care for anything that seemed strange or too different from his version of normal. I used to wonder where I fit into his idea of what was right and what wasn't and even got up the nerve to ask him once. He said that he and I were more alike than different because neither one of us had a say in the flavor we turned out to be. As a result I'd always had a soft spot for Stro but not the kind most people thought; we were just friends of a type that most folks could never understand because they hadn't had to walk in our shoes. Stro had been a "blue baby" and though they'd gotten him breathing right away he still grew up with academics being a lot harder for him than most other people. But you give him a hammer and nails and there isn't too much he couldn't build. He measured things with a knotted string that his grandfather had made for him rather than with a ruler or tape measure.

I said, "Well, if he's local, he isn't anyone that I recognize from the back … at least not at this angle."

I stopped talking and was trying to listen for Thor and Sand. Stro wasn't finished yet so I expected the others had let him to their talking for them. "You … uh … you been doing things different while you been away."

Even though it was a statement and not a question I answered him anyway, "Stro, my parents were murdered practically in front of my eyes along with a lot of other innocent people. Jonathon and I were the only GWBs left in the world at that point and we were scared to death. We ran for our lives … ran to his grandmother's place. From there the three of us tried to get back here but the craziness of the roads and then the EMP stopped us. Eventually stopped his grandmother personally – she had a pacemaker – and the road took Jonathon from me too because he ran out of his medicine. I've done things I never imagined I'd have to do just to survive from one moment to the next."

"OK."

And for Stro that was enough. Bad things had happened and I hadn't had any choice to but "tough up." The explanation sufficed … but not for Sarah Ann Winkle. "That's just ridiculous Rocky. You can't tell me you went all Mad Max. Look at you. Except for your hair, you look more like a girl than you used to."

"Believe what you want Sarah Ann. My hair was a lot shorter than this for a while and …"

"… And I would appreciate it if you wouldn't encourage her to cut it short again. Just because she went around pretending she was a guy for a few months doesn't mean I want to see her forced to live that way again."

Thor, along with Sand, had quietly come back into the clearing and his words freaked everyone out.

"A guy?!"

It was Stro who crossed his arms and gave me a disgruntled look and said, "You did not."

"I did too. That doesn't mean I had to like it but I was on my own and didn't know who I could trust and who I couldn't. I don't know what it was like around here but …" I shrugged. "But being female out on the road alone, even one like me, wasn't exactly safe. Sand, you try and imagine what could have happened to Sarah if she'd been stuck away from home all alone."

He shook his head. "Won't do it. It'd just give me nightmares."

Lawson finally put a word in and then was echoed by the other boys, Stro included, "Well, then tell us. How did you get home?"

I looked at Thor who said, "Why don't you tell 'em. I'll go clean up."

"No. We'll clean up and then I'll tell 'em if there is time. The story has waited this long and we need to know who would do such a thing as this and what their motive was," I said right back.

In a dead voice it was Sand that answered. "They were some of Kemper's people. None of ours as far as I can tell but those that he took in from the highway refugees. Except for the one … that blonde over there was his cousin."

Stro bowed up. "Kemper?!"

"Easy Stro," Lawson said. "You knew he was bad news when his people shot you just for making a fuss about wanting to see Janie and the baby. You gotta get ahold of yourself. You don't want Dad going on a tear and getting hurt … or hurting anyone he shouldn't."

It took a lot of effort but Stro did eventually ratchet it back down. People had a bad habit of underestimating his ability to understand but Lawson never had; and they both knew they needed to protect their father. Lawson turned and said, "Sand, you think they were trying to get Dad blamed for anything that happened?"

Sand shrugged, "Hadn't thought of it that way but maybe so. I just don't see what they thought to gain from this."

I looked at Thor and a silent thought passed between us. "I've …"

Thor interrupted with, "We've been …"

I sighed, "We've been seen then. We've been doing some salvaging since we got back to town. We didn't know anyone was still around … at least not in the numbers that there apparently are. And no Sand, we aren't asking for everyone's name and such. That's y'alls business the same as ours is ours. But, if Kemper is maybe running out of supplies, if maybe he's pulled too many people under his umbrella of protection …?" I looked at Thor for support of my theory.

"Certainly possible Hon. If he thought the town and surrounding area was his to pick from and we infiltrated his territory then we'd be considered a threat."

Still thinking out loud I said, "But none of the houses we've been into have had much." I intentionally left out a couple of the big finds we had made. "Mostly just seasonings and a few staples here and there. Same for the restaurants and food places in town. And the mice and the rats are taking the feed as we are standing here. Those thousands of mice at the dairy that came pouring out of the silo gave me nightmares … nasty dirty little boogers. And the dogs are taking out the livestock."

Johnson said, "We're all having trouble with our livestock and those danged dogs. We shoot 'em when we can now. People have tried to catch 'em and train 'em but once they go feral you might as well forget it. They stay too mean and the idea of livestock being food is too ingrained. And it isn't just dogs … we've had trouble with bears, bobcats, foxes … and Coach swears he saw a cougar."

Stro muttered, "Still not as bad as the llamas."

The water Thor had just swallowed tried to go down the wrong pipe. As soon as he finished spitting and wheezing he asked, "Llamas?!"

Sand smiled, "There was an outfit not too far from here that offered llama treks through the Smokies. We think they escaped from there." Then he sobered a bit, "At least we haven't run into anything really strange yet. We had a guy come through here from Richmond that said the Metro Zoo had a mass break out of their animals after they ran out of food in their habitats. He said some of the animals got killed by the big predators in the park before that food source ran out but that from anywhere between twenty-five and fifty percent of the park animals had gone on the lamb."

I hadn't even thought of that and said so. "I'm surprised hungry people haven't killed most of the zoo animals."

Sarah said, "I'm sure a lot of them have but maybe the Greenies kinda helped things along some or moved them to secure areas."

I rolled my eyes. "Sarah, don't take this the wrong way 'cause the Greenies have proven themselves to be dangerous … but they seem to have a very narrow command level and when that isn't present the troops seem to fall apart fast. It was like somebody turned lemmings into terrorists and then when there wasn't anyone smart enough to lead them in the right direction they either all jumped over the cliff or ran around like chickens with their heads cut off … doing damage but nothing like if they had an organizer around to channel their energy. It isn't the Greenies that are the real boogie men but the Twelvers that used them to put their own plans into effect."

She wasn't done being upset with me and said, "And you know this for a fact."

"You believe what you want to believe Sarah Ann, you've always been like that. I'm telling you from being a GWB and from what I've experienced while I was away from home … including another nasty run in with some Greenies out west …" It hurt to remember the battle at the farm, even all these months later.

Thor stepped closer, offering me comfort. He said, "Look, let's just get the clean up started and over with. Arguing who was the bigger a in this conflict serves no purpose at this time."

I took a deep breath to clear the unhealthy feelings away and nodded. "If there's time after we do what needs doing, and y'all are still around, you can ask all the questions you want." What I didn't say is that I was reserving the right to not answer what I didn't want to answer.

Thor and I started off into the trees but Stro stopped us, "You don't gotta do it by yourselves. If you two take that 'un then we'll divide up and deal with the rest of 'em and bring all the gear and stuff into the clearing and we'll split it … assuming you want to share it."

Thor looked at me with a cocked eyebrow and I shrugged, not objecting. Then he glanced at Sand and a look passed between them before he nodded. We resumed our walk into the woods towards the man I had been trying to identify earlier. When we got there we methodically stripped the corpse right down to the clothes and then covered it was with leaves and fallen limbs. While we did this I asked, "What was the look?"

Thor no longer felt the need to hide things from me so his reply was truthful and direct. "Sand and I agreed to split the material from the IEDs fifty-fifty. That stands. Not too much else of interest though some of it is useful enough. And don't worry about having to split it too even; Sand didn't say outright but they've got some people that are really hurting."

"Why? The whole town has been theirs to salvage for months now … all the houses in the area too."

Thor shook his head. "Like I said, nothing was said outright but it seems they are just now getting anything close to the start of organizing. People have just been making do or getting by; too afraid to go into the town or the houses because of the spread of that infection that swept through here. The greenies … they were more organized, kept them off their game, kept them penned into the outlying areas even if they had been inclined in the beginning to do some salvaging. You have to remember it wasn't the immediate catastrophic event that it was in a lot of places out west; here it took longer and resources were used up without being replaced. They were busier trying to keep and maintain what they already had and less able to go out and find new or replacement resources."

"Probably knowing their neighbors made it harder to just go in and take things too."

"Yeah, he sounded pretty outraged at that Kemper's group for doing it so quickly. I was willing to give them the benefit of the doubt until they pulled this. Just wanting to survive is no crime, setting IEDs to kill people with no notice is. You'll need to give me what intel you can on this Kemper."

"Well, Dad didn't care for him much. Called him arrogant and a slick willy type. It wasn't an open feud or anything, just Dad wouldn't do business with him; he upset Dad and Mom a couple of times by saying the town should get up money to help take care of me, like I was some kind of accident that needed cleaning up and hiding away. Mr. Kemper owned the only Laundromat around and kinda stuck it to the tourists and hikers that came through. Dad said he talked out of both sides of his mouth and took people in, like he had too much experience doing it. Mom just thought he was a do-gooder that tried to control things too much so that it was only his brand of 'good' getting done. She and Mrs. Kemper were both in the Quilting Guild friends of a sort I guess." As a memory flitted across my mind I pulled a face.

Thor wanted to know, "What was that about?"

I laughed, though it was a world weary sound. "I heard Mrs. Kemper tell her daughter once to be more lady-like or she'd wind up like that unfortunate Charbonneau girl." Thor rumbled but I told him, "She's not the only one I heard say stuff like that. I had a bad habit of listening in on conversations I had no business listening in on. You never hear anything good about yourself doing that. People forgot I wasn't as mentally challenged as they'd thought I'd been when I was small. They just sort of didn't see me … I was like the furniture. And let's be honest, when we don't think other people are listening we tend to say things that we wouldn't otherwise. That's just life."

We'd finished bundling up everything and Thor turned me and wrapped me in his arms. "I wish I could deny what you're saying but I'd only be lying. I know people are people but I promise they won't do that while I'm around."

With a smile I told him, "I know that. But thanks for saying it aloud." A quick kiss and then we hauled everything back to the fire ring. I hadn't quite managed to get the satisfied look off my face as we walked in and Sarah Ann at least took it the wrong way.

"You've been doing this a lot then? Is this a good haul?" she asked.

Kinda blindsided I stumbled, "Uh …"

Thor snorted impatiently, "Ms. Winkle I don't want to offend you for Rochelle's sake but crank it back a bit."

Sarah, finally took her foot out of her mouth and said, "Call me Sarah and don't mind my mouth. It gets ahead of the rest of me sometimes. You two just seem too … I don't know … comfortable with this and that makes me uncomfortable."

This time it was Sand who said repressively, "Sarah."

I took matters in hand and said, "Well if that is all it is then why not just come right out and say that. You know good and well I'm not that easily offended."

It was Stro rather than Sarah that said, "OK. Fine. You're different than you used to be. What made you get that way?"

While Sand and Thor organized what had been brought in from those that had tried to attack us and looked over it the amount and condition of everything, I told a very trimmed down version of my story from the night in San Francisco until today. Sarah was silent after I had finished but the boys all thought it was a hoot of a story despite the fact I hadn't meant any of it to be funny. To them it was an adventure, and one that had – at least in their opinion – ended well. Kind of like a guy's version of "and they lived happily ever after."

Amazingly it had taken me an hour to tell the tale and we all needed to head 'em up and move 'em out. Sarah needed to make a pit stop before they got on the trail and given all that had happened I followed her to the compost toilets and acted as guard.

She came out gagging although they didn't smell as bad as they sometimes did during the summer. Talking to no one I asked, "I wonder who will clean them out now?"

After spitting into the bushes Sarah said, "Uncle Freeman said that he planned to come out during one of the thaws after the new year and see what he could do. He wants to put it on a couple of fields that are on their fourth year rotation. They were due to go fallow anyway."

"Lordy that is going to stink."

"Can't be any worse than all of that rotted horse bedding at that vet place near Konnarock. Gag, that was awful." She washed her mouth out but when I tried to walk her back to Sand she stopped me with a hand on my arm.

"I'm sorry Rocky. Tell your Thor … well, you know how I am." I nodded and told her not to worry about it, Thor's skin was even thicker than mine. "Be that as it may I don't want to start off on the wrong foot." Then she gave me a searching look. "Are you sure you're OK? The boys might think it was a good story but I can read between the lines."

I tried to be as honest as I could. "Sarah, I'm not the same person I was … for a lot of different reasons. But there's still a lot of the old me in here too. I've just … been forced to grow up. Sometimes it's hard to remember I'm just eighteen but that is the way it used to be in the old days. Girls just married young. But … not to offend you or anything but I don't want to wind up like that just yet." I pointed briefly at the pregnancy she couldn't hide.

"You need to talk to Granny C then."

I asked kind of embarrassed, "You don't know anything about it?"

"Good grief no. I was trying for the opposite result. Sand and I have been at it like forever. I was almost afraid to believe it when I realized I was late. Are you afraid that … you know … genetics and all that …"

"Huh?" I asked. When I figured out what she meant, "No, not really. My size is mostly from the tumor they got rid of. I had an aunt with similar problems but instead of up she grew out if you know what I mean. My genetic milkshake mostly seemed to just make me better handle the extra size … my heart is healthy, my bones are dense, my lungs are good. And besides, Thor is bigger than I am and …" Then I noticed it … the forest had gotten quiet again.


	75. Chapter 75

Chapter 75

"Rocky …"

"Hush Sarah Ann. Get low and stay out of my line of sight." I did a three-sixty trying to figure out what the threat was. Then my nose started singing; I thought "oh crud" as I smelled a dead funky odor kind that was kind of fishy, musky, and just generally nasty all at the same time. It wasn't the outhouses though the smell wasn't too far different. We weren't too far from the river and I thought maybe it was something from that direction. Then I thought maybe it was some sick critter or a bear but bears are part of nature, living with it rather than against it The quiet just didn't make sense; I'd never known a bear to scare the woods quiet.

"Rocky …" Sarah suddenly hissed, terrified.

Sarah, for all of her frou-frou ways wasn't one to just sound terrified for no reason. I turned at her call to see off in the bushes something coming our way. It was people … sorta. And no I'm not talking about zombies though I will admit that it flashed through my mind for a half a second but that is about all that it did. Things were bad, but they weren't B Horror Movie bad.

"Rocky … they're infected," Sarah whispered. "You can't let them get near us! They'll do it on purpose … the virus does something to their brains and makes them crazy … angry. It is spread by body fluids; Doc Sims said that it is even in their sweat. Please … please … "

"O – kay. Don't fall to pieces on me Sarah, not yet. Infected with what and why are they …"

I never got to get my answers, at least not then. The crazies charged even though they could see I had a bead on one of them with my rifle. I was able to shoot one but the other dodged and went straight for Sarah. There wasn't room to take another shot as fast as the guy was moving … diving at Sarah; totally crazy stuff like he was itching to die at my hands. One step and then I was using my rifle like a baseball bat. I'm fast but the guy was desperate to take someone to hell with him. I missed his head but caught him solidly in the ribs knocking him tip over tail. Sarah had been half way into the outhouse and my move gave her time to get all the way in and slam the door shut.

"Rocky, come on, get in here with me!" she screamed.

I didn't have time to tell her to save her breath because the one that I had knocked the wind out of had gotten back up and a third and fourth person had joined him. I brought my gun up and prayed that even if I didn't hit anything the shots would scare them enough that I'd have a little more time.

I think I did hit one of them but by the time the noise was over with … and I realized that I had seen the two new arrivals in front of me but had missed the other five that had been sneaking up from behind … all of the infected people lay twitching on the ground if they had a brain left to twitch with.

Sand yelled, "Sarah!" I pointed to the outhouse while staring at the dead eyes of the face that lay on the top of my boot. And at the large knife that protruded from the woman's throat.

I looked up to see the ghost white face of my husband searching mine and I said, "I am soooo glad you are as good as you are."

"Me too." And then he grabbed me in a bruising embrace while the boys surrounded us facing out in case there were any more crazies in the area.

Sand told us not to touch the bodies, just to leave them lie and when they froze they'd come back and stack them like cord wood and burn them … assuming the animals left anything; the disease did not affect any non-human species, not even the scavengers that fed on the dead, and the animals didn't have any qualms about taking advantage of an additional food source. We went back to the clearing to get away from the smell.

"Every once in a while we still find an enclave of infected travelers but I think it is finally dying out. This is the first one we've seen in … what … nearly a month?" Sand asked the boys. Most of them nodded. As an afterthought Sand added, "Although, for some reason a couple of them look familiar."

Thor asked, mostly because I was still shook up enough that my mouth and brain were on the disconnected side of things, "This is what the greenies released? This is the sickness that took so many off?"

"Yeah. Sick ain't it? And no, I didn't mean to make a pun. Now you begin to see why folks around here have a real hatred of anything that might be connected to those eco-freaks. That's why we keep telling you to be careful of bringing Griffey up." Thor nodded.

One of the boys that went by the name of Jimmy Ray said, "Relax Sarah, this still ain't as bad as that time we came up on those hyenas terrorizing that camp full of sick folks. Dang those things stunk. The varmints and the sick people." He sighed mournfully. "I still wonder if those hyenas would have made good eatin'."

Thor, for all he was shook up, smiled involuntarily into my hair when I grouched, "Talk about sick. Jimmy Ray I swear you'll eat anything that doesn't move faster than you do!"

Jimmy Ray, used to the fact that people were constantly calling him on being a bottomless pit and not caring the slightest, answered, "Well, you try working the fields on only grits and green beans. Even those stink bombs would start looking good."

Sand said, "Shut up Jimmy Ray, you know you've been fed just fine at your uncle's place. You need to stop eating with your eyes and use some sense. You eat to get full, not to empty a freight container."

"Yeah, yeah. So say's you now. But the shelves are getting pretty bare at my uncle's place and there ain't nothing much left to hunt. And he won't slaughter the cows or pigs 'cause he says we need them for breed stock. So's anyway, can you eat 'em?"

Thor said, "Hyenas? I've eaten some nasty stuff during my travels but I'd have to be really bad off to eat hyena. They're scavengers and carrion eaters. I've heard that you can eat 'em but they're like vultures, or they pick off the old or sick animals to cull the herds naturally. I just wouldn't take the chance. I'll eat rat before I'll eat an animal like this."

Outraged I blurted out, "Not in my kitchen you won't!"

Sarah snorted a wet chuckle from where she was sitting and I pulled out of Thor's arms and went over to her. "You OK?"

"Oh I'm fine now. I think though that I would like to go home and lay down; too much excitement isn't good for Junior."

It didn't take long for things to break up after that but when we separated from the others, takin a different road than the main group, Stro and Lawson worked their way around and met us on our way to the farm. Thor didn't know what to make of it but I figured they had something on their minds … something that they didn't want to say in front of the others.

It was Stro that started things off, "Thor … look, about our Dad … you seem like you was military or something."

"Something," he confirmed.

"Yeah, thought so. And look, sorry for starting off on the wrong foot." Thor nodded and Stro continued. "Dad … Dad does have PTSD. It …" he looked around carefully before lowering his voice. "He just isn't as bad off as he was back at the massacre but he says to leave people thinking he is. His leg ain't racked up either. He's doing recon on Kemper and his people."

Lawson was nervous and worried. I could tell he wasn't real sure about telling us but Stro seemed to have strong armed him into it. "Lawson?" I asked.

"Look, if Stro says it's the right thing to tell you then I trust him. He's like Dad and Grandad with stuff like that. But man, you can't tell anybody Rocky; not even Sand knows. But with what happened today … what if someone is trying to set Dad up? And them sick people? Where'd another group come from after so much time has passed?"

Stro nodded, "Yeah. We just want someone else to know Dad isn't crazy. And also, wanted to tell you that Dad has been thinking the same thing you are … that Kemper is running out of supplies and things that will keep his people happy. We think at first he was feeding 'em from some kind of stockpile he had … or stuff he stole from someplace … because they never put in any big fields or nothing. They stole a big fuel truck from some place because he had enough … at least until recently … to keep those big generators he salvaged from the quarry up and running. It was like they were all just waiting for the government or them FEMA ijits to show up and fix things … make him mayor or something. I think he thought someone was going to appoint him to some kind of public office … like the ones he never won when he ran in town. It obviously ain't turning out that way so now he's having to change his plans only I ain't sure if he can pull it off."

"Yeah, and Dad says that it might be a bigger mess for the rest of us if it turns out he can't."

Thor nodded, "I'll agree with that. It could mean people desperate enough to turn into bandits or groups turning into raiders, something that would be a severe hardship here in the winter. There may be some of that anyway but you don't want your own community turning on you."

Lawson was still nervous and Stro still had that determined look on his face which told me the revelations weren't finished. I prompted them to finish by saying, "Stro …"

"Yeah Rocky, I know you know me same as out on the field. Wish I could find a real girl that understood me like that." I nearly kicked him for the "real girl" comment but I let it slide when he took a deep breath. "Dad has a working radio."

Thor perked up at that but let Stro decide when he was going to continue. "Anyway, I just thought … Dad said he saw Mr. Griffey carting off some radios that those eco-freaks had stashed. I mean, say if you found them and you like could talk to Dad and set something up, it might be worth everyone's while. We've listened to the one we have … Dad was a local dispatcher for emergency services but before that he was the tech guy for the local radio station went belly up and he knows his stuff. There isn't a bunch of talking going on but there is some. And late at night he can sometimes pick up some that are talking all foreign."

Finally Lawson was looking at Thor expectantly and to be honest so was I. "I'm not getting in the middle of things. I'm a stranger around here and even with Rocky vouching for me I'll be the first neck on the chopping block if something blows up. You get with your dad, see if he wants to meet me, we'll go from there."

"That's cool," Lawson said, relief obvious on his face to have this part over. But Stro was starting to look nervous because I expect he knew that it was going to be up to him to explain to his dad why he let the cat out of the bag. "We are going to be back in town tomorrow. I know it is short notice but maybe you could come then. Just for a minute to see if Dad agreed to meet you. We'll be up here early in the day because we got a list of stuff that Dad wants to hunt up over at the electrical supply and the earlier we are up the fewer people that might see him acting normal. We get power for the radio using solar panels he swiped off the highway signs and off some of them real expensive cabins up along the ridge. Maybe he can set you up too."

Thor sent the guys home before it got any later and we needed to get home for chores as well. We were both quiet for a while and then I asked, "Thor?"

"You're fine Rochelle."

"Maybe I should sleep …"

"No. I said you're fine. You didn't touch that woman, she didn't spit on you, we left the area asap. And you were wearing gloves."

Still scared despite his determined answer I said, "I just hope that the infected people didn't sabotage the outhouse."

Thor's eyes bored into mine, "Did you …?"

"No. Didn't need to. Public bathrooms gross me out; I'd rather go in the woods. But Sarah did."

"She was wearing gloves too," he reminded me.

"Yeah, I know. But it has to be going through her and Sand's head. And it makes me wonder even more if we should discontinue salvaging until winter has a chance to finish the job that the greenies started."

Thor nodded, "We'll certainly take more precautions. I haven't a clue what that infection started out as. It looks like plague but plague is a bacteria. It could be small pox but the sores are too big for that maybe. The sores around their mouths look like herpes … like giant cold sores."

I struggled to swallow the spit in my mouth imagining "death by herpes." I nudged my horse over to the side of the road where the foliage and weeds had started to close in before the ice storm had killed everything back to give myself time to stop being grossed out. "What about leprosy?"

Thor nodded, "Yeah, that's a possibility but it is a bacteria also. I'm wondering if Griffey wasn't wrong about it being a virus on top of the other things he has been wrong about. What are you doing?"

I shrugged, still uncomfortable with talking about Uncle Bentley. I still wasn't sure just how to feel about the man beyond have pity for someone who obviously had led a hard life as a child and let it warp his brain his whole life. Then I had another thought.

"I'm picking some sumac berries. The next bad storm will likely knock the rest of them off and to the ground." As I used my pocket knife to take the berry cluster and then put them into a rucksack that I had brought for just-in-case I asked, "What if it was a virus that played heck with someone's metabolism or their immune system? That would be right up the alley of those quacks that helped create us GWBs."

Thor's expression was concerned as he told me, "Hon … let it go for now. You are upsetting yourself worse for nothing. I shouldn't have brought it up."

I wasn't going to let him get away with it. "Thor I'm not a child. We need to talk about it so that we can … operative word here is we … can plan some kind of defense against it in case it does become a problem."

We had reached the gate and when I went to get down Thor motioned me to let him do it. I could tell his arm was a little sore but he stood there just looking at the gate for a while. "One thing is for sure, we need to figure out some way to tell if the gate has been messed with when we aren't around."

We finally entered, locking the gate behind us, and then went off to do our chores. The weather became brisk enough that we were both glad to lock down the house for the night and fritter some time away working on projects around the house. I was going to help Thor with the stuff down in the basement closet but the space was too limited for both of us to be in the little room at the same time. I was also at the point of being very frustrated with it and Thor said just to let him have some quiet time to see if he couldn't figure it out. That was just a polite way of say, "Go away kid, you're making me nervous."

For my part, I had decided it was time that I took a more active approach to our food supplies and started planning what to do come spring and how to make the best use of what we hade so that it would last through the winter and feed us up right. First I set some of the dried sumac berries to making syrup. The rest I hung near the stove to make sure they finished drying the rest of the way before I popped them in some airtight jars for later use. After that I played let's-run-face-first-into-the-next-memory by going over to the room Mom used as her craft room and office. Once there I started pulling out her recipe files.

Dad had carved these very pretty recipe boxes which fit three-by-five index cards like normal recipe file boxes only there were really long like those draws in the old paper index catalogs the library had before they went online. I nearly knocked myself out when I slapped my forehead and hastily made a note to check the school and public libraries the next day if there was time. I skipped over the boxes marked "Church Suppers & Potlucks," "Canning & Preserving," and "Brews & Liquors" though I knew I'd be coming back to them sooner rather than later and went straight to the three file boxes marked "Herbs & Forage." One of those boxes was marked Spring & Summer and the second one was marked Autumn & Winter.

Mom was slick; each season had its own section and within each section it was broken down into the different types of recipes – appetizers, beverages, breads, cakes, desserts, fish, meats, salads, soups, and on and on. Now the third recipe box was not broken down into the type of recipe but by the main ingredient – cress, wild roses, dandelions, acorns, plantain, sumac, etc., etc., etc. Mom would never have made these up for herself because she grew up this way; it was just natural to her. She made these for me and I suppose I would need to share them with Sarah as well in some way. I added index cards to my list of "wants." Or I thought maybe a typewriter as I saw a light flicker to life in the stairwell that led to the basement.


	76. Chapter 76

Chapter 76

"Thor!"

"Yeah, yeah … don't get too happy yet. And do me a favor and run around and double check that everything is turned off. I don't want to overload …" He finished on a curse as the lights went out again.

"Um …"

Some growling and snarking and then he said, "I'm not sure. I think … think mind you … that it was a lightning strike. Even though your dad took the house off line and had everything well grounded, there's only so much you can do about a direct strike. Looks like that's what fried the main breaker and not the EMP because nothing was connected to send the pulse through … not to mention this room feels like a freaking Faraday cage."

"What's a …"

"Don't worry about it." At my affronted look he sighed and said, "Not my best at the moment Hon. This electronic stuff was something I always gave to Alfonso. Teach me to over specialize. Suffice it to say that a Faraday Cage was something that was supposed to protect electronic gear from EMP damage. And suffice it to say it would be better if we simply replaced the entire panel box, breakers and all, and start from fresh."

"Will they have it? At the place in town I mean."

"Yeah, and I had considered getting one and didn't …" he sighed again. "Which is why I'm so foul. One is none and two is one. Just run around before it gets too dark and make sure all the switches are off … and tape 'em off. I don't know about you but out of habit I still catch myself trying to turn on a switch when I go into a room."

I smiled a little and said, "Guilty as charged. And why don't you just give this stuff up for a while and take a break. It's waited this long, it can wait some longer. Besides, don't we have better things to do?"

"Huh?" he grunted as he was moving stuff around in the small space.

"Well … I could … um … use a little help … you know … washing my hair," I blushed.

Now that got him to pay attention. "I would be most pleased to render such assistance Beautiful … but I might get … distracted.

Giving him some of his own back I said, "I'm counting on it."

Now that'll put a man in high gear and it wasn't long before the night became more pleasant for both of us. Afterwards I tried to tell him about Mom's recipe boxes but he kinda started snoring in the middle of it so I gave up and decided we could both use a little extra sleep since we had to be up and out very early to get to town.

"Hmmm," Thor mumbled.

"Thor you know we really need to take it. So long as we don't load the wagon down, and don't take it into the orchard, we should be fine. If it was the other end of town I wouldn't be saying it."

"What's different about the other end of town?" he asked me.

"They have more of a clay pan and water doesn't drain as well. That's why most of the oldest farms are on this end."

"Makes me wonder why people didn't take over the older farms."

I nodded as I harnessed my horse to the wagon while Thor held the lantern since his shoulder was a little sore from our rather … er, spirited … activities the preceding evening. "You would have thought. We still haven't heard just who has survived and who has not. If none of the real old timers made it then no one may have thought to take over the farms. Plus, no doubt you've noticed, some of the farms aren't the easiest to get to and the houses are … well, they're old and some of 'em are pretty beat up as the younger generations moved away and the older folks were just content to live like they'd always done. Jimmy Ray's uncle has a nice little place but if he's having trouble too it might have discouraged some of the others from trying to have more than a kitchen garden."

"That's a mistake … and one some people will be paying for right when they can least afford to." He stopped me and by the way he put his arm around me he was about to be pretty serious. "Hon, I need to know and I want you to think about it before you answer me, is there anyone you couldn't stand to watch starve over the winter."

"What?!" I turned around and looked at him.

"We can't help everyone. We might not be able to help anyone. But … but I figure if it comes down to it there are some you won't be able to turn away for any reason. On the other hand, who you want to help may determine how many we can help … assuming we can."

Trying to be honest I said, "You're talking about Jimmy Ray."

"You said it, not me."

"Don't even bother trying to keep a straight face. Jimmy Ray … for a lot of reasons … wouldn't be at the top of my list. Geez that sounds so cold-blooded."

I could see Thor was trying not to handle me with kid gloves and I appreciated it, especially as he said, "Not cold-blooded … realistic. He doesn't strike me as someone particularly familiar with the trait of gratitude."

"He's not quite that bad … but his folks had some money and he does have a mouth that gets away from him. Aside from being a bottomless pit – he's never really had to do without – he can't keep a secret. Coach nearly kicked him off the team because he kept talking about our plays with players from other teams. On the other hand, he once stepped in and KO'd a tourist because he'd come to 'take pictures of a living bigfoot' for his college newspaper and kept pestering me to pose for him. When you're on his team that's just the bottom line for Jimmy Ray."

"Pictures of a what?! I'm suddenly a little more fond of ol' Jimmy Ray."

I laughed because I couldn't help it despite the serious topic. "Relax. All the guys were like that. Well, most of the ones that lasted were. Coach didn't put up with much and there were a couple of families that yanked their sons off the team on principle."

"And then begged to get them put back on when they saw the team going to the playoffs?"

I smiled, "Something like that." Then the smile melted and I sighed, something I seemed to be doing a lot of lately. "Put Sarah at the top of that list. Sand and Johnson will starve to death before they see her go without but I'd rather not put their family under that kind of stress. They looked like they were doing OK, but Sand … he's smart and probably started some salvaging before the others. Maybe even before his parents and Sarah knew it. There were twin sisters between Sand and Johnson but they died when Johnson was so little he barely remembers them. They both caught some kind of staph infection when they were first born and the damage it did eventually killed them though I don't know all of the details. That's one of the reasons why Mr. and Mrs. Winkle took to Sarah so hard so fast."

"OK, Sarah Winkle. Anyone else?"

Wondering if he would get angry I said, "I already explained about … about Stro. If he gets the baby or Janie back from Kemper I'd say we could do something for him."

I heard a little rumble in his throat but all he said was, "Think careful before you add anyone else to the list. We'll need to prioritize and that's only after we make sure we have sufficient to get through to spring ourselves."

That reminded me of the recipe boxes, "There might be another way to help folks." A cocked eyebrow from Thor while he tied on his saddle bags had me explaining, "Come the first thaw and green sprouts there will be edibles in the woods. Most of our Venture Crew were proficient in foraging … between Dad and Mom we didn't stand a chance to be otherwise … and we even had entire camping trips devoted to foraging to supplement a few meager rations we would bring with us. You spend most of your time and energy searching for food if you completely rely on plant forage but with a little hunting and fishing you can survive on it. Ramps in late March and April spring to mind though if we eat a lot of them we might have a rash of domestic violence on our hands."

"OK, you lost me."

Being as serious as I could I explained, "Think of the results of eating a lot of a combination of onions and beans."

After a second he started laughing. "Yeah, or suddenly everyone feels the need to spend some alone time."

"That too," I laughed in agreement, finally giving way to the giggles I was holding in. Dad loved ramps but there were days I drug my feet coming home from school knowing what was waiting. We both led our animals from the barn at that point and headed off.

We had good road bed most of the way; only two spots had places that I worried about and both of them I could easily drive around. It was slow going because when we started out it was still fairly dark and was just barely light when we got to the outskirts of town. We headed over to the supply house and got what we needed and put it undercover in the wagon before doing any more salvaging. Thor and I were just beginning to think that Mr. Hefling had decided against the meeting when I heard the distinctive whistle call that Dad had taught our crew.

"Thor?"

"I heard it. Take it slow and steady. I don't want to walk into an ambush."

I wanted to deny that any of those boys would do that to me but in all honesty I couldn't. The times were changing and it was possible that the people right along with them. A second whistle told me that there were five people with him.

"For some reason Stro says there are five people total and I didn't hear Lawson whistle."

"Tickling your funny bone?"

"Yeah. Cover me and let me go on in first?"

"I …," a grunt and then "All right. You owe me some happy time for this. And if you aren't careful …"

He let his threat hang in the air. He didn't really mean it, it was just his way of expressing his dislike of what made the most sense under the circumstances. I took the long way around from Thor's position and came up to the group from the opposite side. I didn't like things any better up close.

Stro was alone and stressed out though the stress wouldn't have shown to most people. His eyes were telling me things none of the men around him realized. There were several reasons why Stro and I understood each other and it had a lot to do with practice. He was linebacker to my defensive tackle. We worked hand-in-glove. It wasn't always about sacking the quarterback; sometimes those slippery running backs and wide receivers needed to be caught in our net too.

"Stro! What's up man?"

He spit and I saw pink; he'd busted his mouth … or had it busted for him. "Nuthin'."

"Lawson around?"

"Somewhere. He and Dad are together."

"Cool. They coming?"

He just shrugged. One of the other men, a man I knew from the highschool alumni association. "Aren't you going to say hello Rocky?" the man asked casually and a little too friendly.

"Hello Mr. Cockrill. I wasn't sure if you'd … you know … want me to say anything."

"Aw, that's the past." He had been one of the dads that had yanked their kid off the team and then gotten mad when he couldn't get him back on and had to be satisfied with Junior Varsity when the Varsity team slots had been filled. "Heard you'd done found yourself a man, the protective type too if the story is true."

Now if that wasn't a way to turn something bass-akwards I hadn't heard it. If you listened you understood he didn't know whether to believe the stories or not because he'd never expected me to 'find myself a man' much less one that was protective of me. I smiled and said, "He's around. He knows what I'm capable of and never sells me short." There, take that you ol' ring tailed skunk.

Then one of the other men, one that definitely didn't understand the slow movement of southern conversation got impatient and asked, "Well, where is he then?"

"I don't have a tracking device on him. Don't know how you work things with your missus but my husband is a grown man, not a dog, and will come in when he's ready and not when called." That got a snort of laughter from Stro and one of the other men and a really dirty look from the speaker letting me know I'd pegged him right. The guy had wuss written all over him.

One of the last two men who hadn't said anything to this point said, "Rocky … that's your name right?" I nodded, and I took my measure of this man. I wasn't sure what to make of him as he was different. "We need to talk business so there's no misunderstandings from here on out."

"Misunderstanding about what?"

"You've been pinching our supplies."

My eyebrows shot up to my bandana. My, my but he was direct. "If by pinching you mean stealing … we haven't stolen a doggone thing from anyone."

"You've been taking things from the town."

"And I'm a resident of this town. There's no one left in charge here … no law enforcement, no military, no local government of any type, heck I haven't even seen a teacher from the schools … and everything is being left to deteriorate in the weather or being eat up by all the mice and rats that are taking over the buildings now that they are unoccupied."

He shook his head, "I'd prefer to discuss this with someone older and …"

"If that is a crack about Thor being a little older than me you're speaking about something you don't having any business commenting on."

"So his name is … Thor? What is his real name?"

"That is his name … or the only one I've ever known him to answer to anyway," I said with another smile. "What's your name?"

"Gerald Randall Clive."

Ah … now I was getting the feel for him. Gerald … not Jerry … and all three names. Mr. Clive thought a rather lot of himself … and might have some reason to … but that arrogance would still cost him.

"Well Mr. Clive I don't know you from Adam. You aren't a resident of this town, only a tourist at best. You haven't shown me any documentation proving you are anything at all really. You aren't my boss … and you certainly aren't my better."

Struck a nerve. "Listen you little …" he ground out and then with effort he reigned himself in. Score a measure of a point for ol' Jerry boy. "You don't seem to understand the magnitude of your errors. There is a party in power in this area and …"

"Ah … I see. Someone thinks they are somehow a feudal lord. Whoever it is isn't doing a very good job of it. These supplies should have been secured months ago. There has been an amazing amount of waste that can't be gained back. Other towns have long ago organized and disseminated the resources that remain so that everyone can get through the coming winter. Looks like whoever is playing at lord of the mountain is incompetent at best and criminally stupid at worst."

The next man to speak asked, "What makes you such an expert?"

"I've travelled thousands of miles across this country to get home. I've seen things Mr. ..?"

"Bart … just call me Bart."

"Well Bart, I've seen things … both good and bad … saint like behavior to behavior that brought demons to mind. I've seen just how little government of any sort is left anywhere. If there is any federal government left … and there is no guarantee of that as far as I've experienced … they are probably doing nothing but trying to do the same thing as we should be doing right now instead of standing around jawing. Winter is coming, time's a wasting, and resources are disintegrating before our eyes. No family will be able to survive the coming hard times alone on their own. And no tyrants will live to see the good times come back around. The time of the tyrant is over. No one will stand for such a person for long. Those that want to be leaders need to learn that leaders are nothing but servants to those they lead. Those that don't want to be leaders need to get out of the way before they are run over or gunned down."

The man Bart seemed to be thinking which is more than I could say for the other three with him. In fact Mr. Clive was highly affronted. "Now see here young … er … lady."

I laughed out loud at his hesitation. "Cost you something to say that didn't it?"

Then the gloves really came off, "Listen you freak of nature, you will do what you're told or …"

I never did find out what my punishment would have been. A shotgun blast tore what was left of the morning apart. The blast was followed by a piercing whistle from Lawson and then Stro broke loose and starting whooping the tar out of Mr. Cockrill who was no small man himself. I saw the wuss-man take off running at the same time that No-name and Gerald Randall Clive brought their guns up. Expecting this possibility I'd left my holster unsnapped and had gotten pretty fast at drawing and shooting accurately with it thanks to Thor's constant badgering on the subject. I still preferred my rifle but at close range the hand gun was much better.

The man called Bart had faded into a store. Cockrill was down and wouldn't be getting up when Stro said, "There was another group …"

Mr. Hefling came from around the building and threw wuss-man down with a hole in a place that said he had answered for his shortcomings in a more immediate way. "Where's the other one?" he asked gruffly.

A voice from the door way office space said, "The other one is in here and he'd really like not to get shot since he'd really not like to go back to Kemper's at all since those folks seem to be losing their minds a handful of brain cells at a time."

The man was sweating bullets but seemed like he deserved a chance. As Thor came up with Lawson beside him I said, "Mr. Hefling? He said his name was Bart … just Bart … and he seems like he might have some sense."

When Bart cautiously stuck his head around the door he said, "I like to think so and I might have some info you folks would be interested in. I tell you, you let me head on out of town. I'm from Volney and want to go back and check to see if any of my family made it."

Thor said, "Kinda late to be traveling."

"I have a bike and some supplies stashed not far from here. I've been biding my time, trying to get away with a woman … well, never mind about that since she chose someone else … but I've got what I need and the bike will speed me on my way."

Mr. Hefling said, "I've seen you a few times. You stopped McElroy from pounding on those kids who were fishing."

Bart's eyes widened but he nodded.

"What's your intel then?"

"Let's not stand out in the open in case they have a spotter on us."

"Two … and had not have," was all Thor said.

Again Bart's eyes widened but Mr. Hefling gave a respectful nod. Bart then told us, "Things are going to hell in a hand basket at Kemper's place. There had been too many people so two weeks ago he split the group up and about a third of them were sent to this other ritzy bunch o' cabins a couple of miles away. Everything was fine for about a week and then bam … they took a group of people in that had shown up."

I asked, "Infected?"

"How did you know?"

Mr. Hefling said, "Don't you worry about that just finish it."

"Kemper forbid everyone from speaking about that second group – not even names. We've had some attacks from the sick and dying who threatened to name Kemper as the one who infected them. Kemper didn't want anyone around to associate us with them so he and a couple of the men he is calling his lieutenants planned to stage some things. He sent out a group yesterday but they didn't come back and most everyone thinks they ran off."

Thor said, "Is that it?"

Bart shook his head no. "You're woman there has the right of it. Kemper ain't got the sense to manage his way out of a paper sack … not long term … not enough to set up a permanent town or colony or anything like that. It was his wife that managed everything all nice and neat. When she died …"

"Mrs. Kemper is …?"

"Dead? Yeah. Food poisoning or appendix, we ain't got a doctor so we didn't know which for sure. And that's another thing. It was because of Kemper that we don't have a doc. Instead of holding back the valuable people he said everyone had to help with the manual labor. Guy wasn't in any shape to be doing what he was being asked to do and he had a heart attack." He paused and then looked around like he was checking to make sure it was safe to continue. "Supplies are real short too. They split the food when they split the group and the stuff that went with the smaller group is pretty well contaminated now … either with the virus or because the smaller group destroyed it out of spite."

I glanced between Thor and Mr. Hefling but then looked at Stro who whispered to me, "The infected people get real mean as soon as the sores start breaking open. I saw where a man burnt his house down just so his wife wouldn't get anything from it … including any of the pictures of their kids that he took with him when he went."

I made a face at the imagery … and at the madness that seemed to take the infected. "Sounds like they have sores on their brains as well as on the outside of their bodies."

Lawson said, "That's what Doc Sims thinks too but he said it was too dangerous to autopsy any of them."

"Senseless too since it wouldn't have helped to save anyone," he father added. With a glance at Thor Mr. Hefling told the man named Bart, "Go on … git. I would hit the road as soon as you can. If I was Kemper I'd expect a report fairly soon and if I didn't get one I'd send some more folks out."

Bart said, "I'm not sure Kemper has that much sense. Clive here was one of his top guys … and there'd been a few whispers about him taking over from Kemper if things didn't start going right. Cockrill here was bucking for control too. I think that is why Kemper was putting them out in the field so much to get them away from the main body of people."

I asked, "How many people does Kemper have?"

"Had a little over two hundred if you count adults and kids. Had about a hundred and thirty after the group was split. But if the numbers keep trickling down … the folks from yesterday, the kids that got snitched last night, now these guys today …"

"Snatched kids?" Thor asked.

"Yeah, snatched or something worse. Someone came in and took about six of the youngest kids. Nobody knows who but there's some hysterical women as you can imagine. We've had kids snatched before. Everyone thinks it was one of the infected women that had made the threat last week. Of course that means Kemper is refusing to look for the kids because they are probably infected now. It's a mess and everything is falling apart. Can I go now?"

"Last question," I said. "Where did Kemper get all of the food to take care of that many people?"

"Supply points that the greenies had before they all died, Walmart trucks, different places like that. But it's running out now and that just might be the straw that breaks the ol' camel's back. There was a lot of grumbling when the meals went from three down to two per day but the meals that are being served these days just ain't fit to eat and there ain't much to them … unless you happen to be dining with Mr. Kemper himself. He stills get a full MRE and anyone that sits at his table gets one too … but he only invites the same people over and over rather than taking turns like he used to."

The men hustled Bart off and when he said his bike and supplies where far he meant it literally. We watched him pedal away as fast as his legs could push. Then we stood around looking at each other for a second before I said, "Stro, you have something to say?"


	77. Chapter 77

Chapter 77

"Well Stro?" I asked again when he wouldn't meet my eyes.

Thor broke the silence my waiting was creating. "Hon, if Strother did what you only suspect he did then he probably thinks you'll blast him for it. Or maybe he thinks the less you know the better he's protecting you."

I snorted. I responded like I was talking to Thor but I was looking dead at Stro. "Well, if that is what he's thinking he needs to unthink it. One, I don't need protecting. Two, I don't want protecting. Three, the only reason I would blast him is for thinking that I wouldn't give him a chance to explain. Four, if he thinks his reasons are good enough he ought to know I'd want to help. Five …"

Mr. Hefling gave an unwilling chuckle and Lawson looked at his brother and said three of the most irritating words ever spoken. "Told you so."

Thor hid a smile behind wiping his nose as Stro groaned. I whapped him with one of my gloves. "You are gonna tell me, but I guess it can wait until after we take care of this mess," I said pointing to the bodies. "And discuss what we learned from Bart."

Mr. Hefling gave me an approving look and said, "Good girl." Thor's hand brushed my hair which was his own silent signal of approval. I wanted to say I'm not letting Stro off the hook but since it would have been obvious I let my raised eyebrow tell the tale.

We took the quickly cooling corpses behind the building and stripped them before putting them in a large dumpster back there. After the last one was dumped in I threw the locking latch to keep animals and the curious out. Clive and Cockrill were better outfitted than the wuss-man or the two spotters than Thor had dealt with. Five dead men meant that each of us salvaged a full complement of gear and ammo.

"Cockrill was a local but these others … I don't recognize them," I observed.

Mr. Hefling said, "At first Kemper had a lot of the locals with him but those that were smart got out." I saw Stro wince and I thought of Janie. "It created some hard feelings and some of the locals

That left Kemper and tried to become part of the community again have moved on rather than deal with their actions. Those locals that remain with Kemper … I got theories."

Thor said, "We're listening."

Mr. Hefling nodded as we started gathering stuff in the supply shop that we'd come for. "I think Kemper keeps 'em scared and dumb. I've overheard some conversations and it seems he has them thinking that all of the free locals have turned against them."

"You said there were hard feelings," I told him.

"There are, but Kemper has them thinking … all of his people … that if we see any of them we'd kill 'em on sight. No parlay, no nothing. That we have it so bad, and that we're so jealous of what they've got with Kemper, that we can't act reasonable."

I shrugged, "That is dumb. Seems like a waste of good ammo to me."

Stro and Lawson gave me a surprised look. I fired at them, "Well … I know what I sound like but it's true. There's no gain to it. Now if they were stealing or trying to hurt someone that would be different but anything else is just a waste of time and resources. Being dumb isn't a crime."

Stro grumbled, "Even I could argue that one."

I threw a small spool of wire at him. "Academics isn't part of this. You're smarter than a lot of people I've met; you're talents just is with stuff outside the classroom. Too many people get stuck with thinking that the classroom is all there is in this life. The classroom or the office … same thing; lots of people stuffed into a room sitting at a desk doing busy work at least half the time."

"Mebbe," he muttered.

"No maybe about it. Mr. Hefling? Seriously, how bad is it between … what did you call 'em … the free locals and Kemper's locals?"

"Hard to say Rocky Girl. It ain't good. Those that left Kemper early on … some run off when they couldn't face what they did and some stayed and are just making the best of it. The earlier they left Kemper the easier it has been for them to shake off the separation. But by now … don't know if you could reintegrate many of them. What you got to understand is it was a big deal when everyone realized what was going on. Sides were being taken and families were split, marriages broken, young siblings separated. It'll take a lot of healing to pull this town completely back together. There's been a lotta pain and there is a lotta resentment for the way things happened. People died because of the way it was handled. And Kemper's locals … they got more problems than just living Kemper; their homes may not be there to go back to as most if not all of them have been salvaged over pretty roughly and winter is going to make a lot of places uninhabitable as pipes burst and vermin take over."

That gave me something to think on. I took the food we found on the men – it wasn't much – and put it together to make a rough stew that I added to the rice I had cooked that morning to bring for Thor and I to eat. The Heflings in turn put in the crackers and pemmican that had been their rations.

"Did pretty good Rocky Girl," Mr. Hefling said before stuffing another bite into his mouth. The others nodded as they had mouthfuls already.

When the edge of everyone's hunger had been dulled Thor and Mr. Hefling started talking. I pulled some apples out of the coals that I had baked and it made the men even more comfortable and willing to work together constructively. Men are just built like that. A full belly puts them in a good mood, an empty one leaves them cautious if not downright cranky.

Mr. Hefling, arguably as cautious as Thor, started. "Well the boys told me they let the cat out of the bag."

Thor nodded and said, "They mentioned something but it doesn't have to be named again. Either way it doesn't go any farther."

Mr. Hefling nodded, "That's good. Seems like you and I might share some experiences."

"Seems like," Thor agreed.

They went back and forth like that and unless you knew what they were talking about you would have been lost and bored. But I knew. Stro and Lawson knew. And we were all excited by the possibilities but doing our best not to let it show by word or expression in case someone was watching or listening. Mr. Hefling palmed a folded paper to Thor during a handshake and I later found out it held frequencies, times, and code words.

We changed subjects from there to talk about the people that were left in the area and I made a few mental notes. We also invited the Heflings, after we had made our way out of town, to come with us to the orchard. It was a job gleaning the last of the apples from the large orchard and I had a feeling this would be the last chance I had. The day had never warmed up and the wind was starting to get an angry bite to it.

After we got there and got to work I said, "Stro …"

He sighed like an old man before telling me the story. "Look Rocky, I just couldn't let it go. When Lulu was born I promised her I'd take care of her, keep her safe. I didn't just do it because of Janie. I mean I was right there when Lulu tried to take her first breath. I was the one that took that cord off her throat, cleared that gunk away, blew air into her until the ambulance got there. Me. Like we heard about in Sunday School … God had shown me what one of my purposes in life was to be. It was my job and then made it so I could do it even though I didn't think I could at the time. Nothing about that has changed. It's still my job to take care of her. I tried to let Janie go, tried to see her side of it but she … dang it! Just because it was what was best for Janie didn't make it best for Lulu!"

Thor was listening too as we all stripped the remaining apples from the tree and put them in the back of the wagon. I put my hand on Stro's shoulder and said, "Keep goin' … I'm listening."

He pulled himself back together and then with utter contempt of the idealistic he said, "I've watched Kemper's group; sometimes with Dad but on my own a lot too trying to get a look at Janie and Lulu. It ain't right what they do. The 'soldiers' of the group get fed first. Next comes the folks that are useful somehow or that are Kemper's butt kissers. The kids and old folks always get fed last … I've seen it Rocky, more than once. And I've heard 'em talking about it afterwards. There's never enough left when it gets down to the oldest or youngest so they add water to the soup pot. It's so bad the kids fight amongst themselves, the strongest taking from the weakest and the adults don't do anything to put a stop to it … they just ignore it; except for the old folks that look scared of some of the kids." Suddenly he leaned against the trunk of the tree we were under. "I shoulda done it sooner. Oh Rocky … you can see her little bones. She just lays in the bed like she ain't got the strength to sit up. And … and she barely seems to remember me."

The horror in his voice was contagious. "The other kids? How do they fit in?"

"They were just stuck in this room with one woman looking after them and another room of kids that still had energy enough to be up and around. Lulu was walking before all this started, now she's as helpless as when she was first born. I did it. I admit it. I snatched all them kids. But I don't regret it … their parents weren't doing the job God gave 'em." He cleared his throat. It was hard for him to admit that when it included Janie. "Granny C has already found the other five homes and no one's talking. A couple of the kids she recognized the families they belonged to and maybe someday they'll get back with one of their parents if the family gets put back together. Now wouldn't be a good time for them to try though 'cause folks are real angry now that they've got physical proof of what was only rumor before." He looked at me and I didn't know what to say when he spat, "I never thought Janie would let something like this happen. She's let that guy she's taken up with destroy a bit of her. The Janie I knew was a momma grizzly … I don't what she is now but she ain't fit to have Lulu."

Mr. Hefling came over, "Son, don't let that anger eat you up like I did. There's no profit to it. Be the better man and you never need be afraid to answer Lulu's questions when she gets old enough to ask 'em. Count your blessings and pray Janie will come to her senses before it's too late."

I looked at Thor who knew what my eyes were asking since he gave a small nod and then told Mr. Hefling, "Fill your packs full of apples."

"Now see here …"

"Do it for Lulu. And the other little ones too. Granny C will use 'em to make applesauce with an hopefully they'll be able to hold that on their stomachs until they're ready for something more substantial."

When put to him like that he could agree without it pinching his pride. But I also knew that Granny C – Mr. Hefling's aunt who raised him and became his de facto mother – would know how to make the best of them for everyone's sake.

It was with a troubled heart that I drove the wagon back home. "Thor …"

"You've done what you can for now. Step back and wait to see how things start to shake out."

I knew Thor was making sense but he stopped me before I could get a full thought out. "I don't have a problem doing that. I'm not fool enough to think I can save the world. Remember, I did just finish crossing this country and I saw the same stuff as you did."

"OK, so I jumped the gun. What's got you so upset if it isn't the situation with those kids? I may not have known you as long as your friends but I think in some ways I know you better."

"Of course you do. And that's because I let you know me better. And it is in part those kids. But it's also just all of it. We've seen both the good and the bad of how towns can go. I guess … I guess I'm just disappointed in the direction that Damascus took. I expected … more … better I guess you could say out of the people that I grew up around. And I know that sounds really crazy when I've seen the backsides of a lot of them with their prejudice – unintended and intended – against me. They had their problems but most of 'em weren't bad people … at least as far as I knew or experienced. Damascus wasn't perfect – especially not for me – but it wasn't the pits either. What happened? How could everything just fall apart like this?"

Thor nodded, "I've seen it before. All it takes is people to stop doing their best, to turn the control of their lives over to someone else, to become dependent to the exclusion of their personal freedoms."

"Meaning?"

"The eco-terrorism created the stressor. It made cracks in the façade of people that only appeared strong. Then you add to that the specific events that happened here … the greenies trying to build a base, loss of power and resources, the sickness. All of those things could have become a rallying point for the people but then came the canker from inside."

"Mr. Kemper?"

"Exactly. A common enemy usually unites people even when they are polar opposites. It may not unite them long, but it can unite them long enough. But people like Kemper … they are the flaw in the stone, the weak link in the chain, the poison that grows from the inside out. Kemper created a kind of civil war here in Damascus. Rather than working together they chose sides … the side that they believed would be better for them and theirs on a personal level rather than seeing how they were better served by pulling together for the whole. They split their manpower and resources … not just physically split it but emotionally and mentally … and spiritually I guess … split it and rather than one side or the other becoming stronger for the split, both sides ultimately became weaker."

I thought about what he'd said for a few moments. "I guess I must sound pretty young and dumb."

"No Hon, just too close to the situation because you know these people."

I sighed and then said, "I thought I did."

"Don't let it get you so down. Everyone has hidden or unexpected weaknesses. Look at me, last thing I ever thought I would be was jealous but …" He ended with a shrug.

I looked at him. "You don't have any reason to be. You know that don't you?"

"Of course I do. Doesn't stop me from making a donkey's behind out of myself on occasion though. You ever been jealous of me?"

I tried to be honest with him and with myself. "There's been a few women I took a disliking to, not because of the way you acted but because of the way they did. Or your history with that one we don't need to talk about. Mostly I just keep finding myself surprised that you did pick me over the others. It's not like things started out easy between us."

He snorted, "No they didn't but you hooked me before I was even sure you were a girl and you just try and imagine how that drove me crazy. He had his horse walk closer to the side of the wagon I was driving on and then reached out and took my hand for a moment. "I'm grateful too. Not just for how you feel about me but for having the sense to give this between us a chance when there were days I wanted to run you off. But now that we're a team, I don't think there are too many that will be able to stand against us."

Knowing what was going through his head I said, "You're thinking we may have trouble with Kemper and his group."

"Depends on how many strong 'lieutenants' he has besides the two we took out today. From the sound of things the group will fall apart on its own over the winter if it is up to Kemper alone. It won't be easy on anyone but we could let it take a natural course like that. On the other hand, if there is another strong-willed man …"

"…or woman," I added.

"Or woman," he agreed. "Another person strong enough to turn the group into something dangerous to their neighbors … then we'll have to rethink that. And if others don't have the stomach for it I …"

"… we," I interjected again making him laugh.

"OK, Ok … if others don't have the stomach for it we may have to take a hand in that group's direction. We just need to be careful we don't get caught in the middle of all of these emotions that people are going through right now. And is it me or is it a lot colder than it should be."

"You ain't just whistling Dixie. Let's park the wagon in the storage barn so that I can use the tunnels to cart them to the house and get them processed. I'm glad we finished nailing up the last of that chicken wire in the barn. It's not that I don't trust Barney and Boots but there's no sense in creating a temptation. The animals can share warmth but we don't have to worry about them eating each other. And something is tracking us off to the right."

"Big or small?"

"Small so it isn't a bear or a cougar."

He nodded and suddenly he drove his horse onto the edge of the road and I had to pull hard on the reins as a small hound was flushed out into the road. "Aw …"

I tied the wagon off and got down. The poor little thing was shivering and skittish but she wanted some attention so bad she might has well have been talking.

"Easy Hon …"

"It's a hound Thor."

"I can see it's a dog and puppy or not …"

"No Thor … it's a hound. Looks like she is mostly bloodhound with a little bluetick in there too."

"And that makes a difference?"

I laughed as the puppy finally decided that I wasn't going to chase her off came up right under me where I had squatted down and just leaned against me. "Bloodhounds are some of the best family dogs out there that also double as a hunting dog. With that bluetick in her I bet she'd make a great hunter. They aren't as rambunctious and noisy as beagles are and they get along well with other dogs too. She'll be hard headed until we get her trained but …" I slowed down realizing Thor hadn't said anything.

I looked over my shoulder, not sure what to expect, but Thor just sat on the horse smiling and trying not to laugh at me. "Just tell me I don't have to share the bed with her."

Relieved I smiled, "Uh uh. She'll be happier on the rug by the fire or finding her own quiet spot. Come on girl. Let's get you back to the farm. Bet you're hungry."

That caused Thor's smile to falter, "If she's what you say she is we're going to have trouble keeping her fed."

"No, it should be fine. Bloodhounds don't do well on commercial kibble, they need real meat and veggies to keep from developing bloat. The thing is I wonder where she came from? There were a couple of hunting clubs around here and I know there were some AKC breeders around, but none in Damascus proper. And she's mixed … not full bloodhound. Of course she's so young she was probably conceived after all of this mess started which means that someone's dogs were out or let out … guess it doesn't really matter, just surprised the other dog packs haven't found her and tore her up."

"It might be worth putting a bit of thought to where she might have come from," Thor disagreed. "Might be supplies and stuff she could use."

"Yeah, tick shampoo for one," I said pulling a big ol' nasty one off of her ear and another one off her side. Poor thing barely whimpered.

I picked her up and she panicked for just a second before settling down. I put a bushel basket between my feet and then threw the old wagon blanket in it and then put her down in there. It took her a moment to settle but when she did she looked just about as content as a poor tired puppy could look. She got rattled again when I started the wagon moving forward but as soon as she realized I wasn't going anywhere she settled down again though a little uneasily.

All was well when we got back to the farm and both Thor and I were grateful to finish the outside chores. Then we hauled a couple of bushels of apples to the kitchen and I started dinner. The puppy was at our heels the whole time. If we stopped long enough she'd get right up on us and lean hard.

"Is the dog supposed to be like this?" Thor asked.

"No, not really. But she's a puppy and she's been through a lot. She'll get over it as soon as she starts feeling secure and I'll start training her tomorrow."

"She wolfed down that little bit of stew you gave her earlier … you sure she can eat that stuff?"

"Dogs aren't really designed to eat all of the grain that is in most kibble … they're carnivores not cattle. Some rice and veggies with the meat is OK so long as it ground up fine. Dogs literally wolf their food down rather than chewing it like humans. I'm going to feed her in small bits until I'm sure she woke hurl. But just to be on the safe side, put your boots up on the night table. She's still puppy enough that she might need a chew toy for her baby teeth. I'm not real sure. Jimmy Ray will be good to ask though."

"Why?"

"He's dog crazy. I bet he might even be able to tell us where sweetie here is mostly likely from. Or at least have a good idea."

Thor stretched and popped and the dog just watched him. When he sat down in a chair near the stove she sidled over and laid down with her head on his boot. He bent down and scratched her head and then picked her up and put her in his lap and got a royal tongue washing for it. "Well not tomorrow. I'm going to be most of the day changing that panel out."

"Yeah, and I've got to get a good inventory of everything we have on hand and do something with these apples ... here, give her a bit of this one and see if she'll eat it, just don't let her get the seeds."

Thor was laughing his head off so much as he was feeding the dog slices of apple that he dropped it and it rolled under the table. The puppy fetched it and put it right in his hand. "Praise her for turning it back over to you. Might as well start training her if she is that inclined."

It wasn't long after dinner that we were all so tired we decided to make an early night of it. "I wonder if she is a voyeur," Thor mumbled.

"Huh?!"

"The dog … and what are you going to name her?"

"I don't know yet. She's a sweetie … I … that's her name. Sweetie."

"Er … you sure? How about Lady."

"Oh fine. I guess a big tough guy like you might object to running around in the woods calling for Sweetie."

"Yeah."

We both laughed a little, then loved a little … and yes, I caught Lady watching … and then fell asleep as the wind howled. But we were all warm and full and safe. I knew however that not everyone was so blessed as us.


	78. Chapter 78

Chapter 78

The rest of that week and most of the next when it was cold, damp, and dreary out of doors; so much so that regardless of our desire it really didn't make sense to try and do any more salvaging. It was also challenging in other ways as well. His new reality of stationary life really hit Thor in the face like blunt force trauma. I tried to help but I knew for the most part I had to let him get through it in his own way. When he needed space I gave it to him. When he needed activity he would prowl the tunnels or chop wood or take short walks to better familiarize himself with the general lay out of the farm.

For me too being closed up indoors was a problem. I'd never liked the claustrophobic feeling but on the other hand I knew what to expect and how to head off the worst of the creepy crawlies I would get. Dad had reinforced the door jamb of my bedroom so that I could hang a bar and do pull ups if I couldn't get out to the ones that we'd built outside. I also had a nice set of free weights down in the basement and Thor and I acted as spotters for each other. He was surprised by how much I could bench even after so many months being out of training. What really surprised him was how much I could dead lift. I told him it was all in the legs and that led to silly talk which led us to discovering that the basement floor was really too hard and cold for anything other than walking on.

Along with the trials and adjustments we had some successes. First off, replacing the whole panel and all of the breakers fixed whatever the problem was and we were able to get the generator running. When we couldn't figure out what we were pulling so much juice even though everything was turned off Thor realized that even some things that were "off" still pulled power to keep their memory up and running so I went around unplugging everything that was unpluggable.

We took the frig out of the kitchen and put it out with the freezer in what Mom always referred to as the "cold room." It was one of the rooms that was built back into the hill and stayed air conditioned cold even in the worst summer heat. In addition to that Dad had put in vents that made use of the cold air in the tunnels. The only time there was a problem in the room was when someone didn't shut the door properly or the weather stripping around the door jamb failed; moisture could build up. There was a drain in the floor that made for easy clean up but the goal was still to keep it cold and dry in there as possible.

Cleaning the freezer out had been disgusting but it could have been worse; Mom and I had canned the last of the meat before we left for San Francisco and about the only thing left had been lima beans and some frozen casseroles so Mom would have a couple of days of easy cooking when we came back. The gunk had drained away and dried long before we got back and just to be on the safe side I replaced the door gasket from parts we picked up at the supply house. We let the freezer run for a full twenty four hours to freeze freezer containers of water and then we started leaving the generator off except for a few hours to keep things in working order.

"Thor, I just don't get it. I thought the EMP would have killed everything … or at least everything with a circuit board. That would include all the appliances. But only some of the stuff got fried … like the TV and the big stereo and my tower computer."

He shrugged. "They never were absolutely certain how bad an EMP attack would be. And if you notice all of the broken stuff is on the front size of the house. The washer, that TV and player in the basement, and that boom box in the storage room are OK."

"But Mom's sewing machines are working."

"But they weren't plugged up and were stored in that metal cabinet. The metal cabinet could have acted as a Faraday Cage. They were also in the back corner of the room which is earth-covered."

"I guess. But geez, you'd think everything would either work or it wouldn't," I said grumpily.

"You're just hacked that you couldn't get the TV up and running to watch that DVD of that chick flick."

"Resident Evil is not a chick flick."

"It's a cheesy film of by gone days. They made too many of them. They should have stopped after the second one."

"Hah! So you did know what it was. You rat!" We wrestled a little in play.

He laughed and shook his head, "Look, if we ever do get around to agreeing to watch a movie let's make it something that doesn't remind me so much of those pitiful people. Zombies just don't do anything for me."

"They aren't supposed to. There like … you know … a metaphor and stuff."

He just laughed and shook his head but I can guarantee I wasn't watching a brainless car chase show with brainless girls that had unnaturally small waists, perfectly painted claws, and artificially enhanced jiggle-y parts.. I figured I would dig out Dad's old John Waynes and we could work something out there. The original "True Grit" was a classic … and I thought if he didn't do the Duke maybe we could watch "Cowboys and Aliens." I won't record his opinion of that particular movie when I brought it up.

While we never did get around to watching a movie we did finish weatherizing the house, something I should have thought to do as soon as we came back – put the last of the storm windows put back on, checked all of the weather stripping, and Thor said that since cost wasn't an issue he wanted to see about putting some of that foam board insulation between the trusses up in the attic as soon as we could salvage it. All of the fireplaces were given a good once over as were the wood stoves but Mom was a real bear about that so I knew they'd be clean as a whistle except for the ones we'd already used. For the fireplaces in the rooms we weren't using I showed him the covers that Dad had made and we put them in to keep the warmth in the house from escaping or the cold air from outside sneaking in. I also pulled out the little draft blockers that Mom had sewn years ago and when the doors to those rooms were closed I would lay them across the bottom of the door to keep the warm air from escaping into unused rooms.

On the clear but cold days I would take rugs outside and beat the living daylights out of them. I also made Thor a pair of house shoes that he could put on when he was inside (and pulled out my own from the back of my closet) to keep from dragging dirt and leaves all over the place and making my job of keeping the house clean just that much harder.

The biggest bonus for me was that I would wash clothes and everything else like a mad woman when the generator was on. I still hung things out to dry but just being able to put something to work and then walk away from it while it finished the job without supervision was a huge help. For hot water in the summer we used the solar tanks but during the winter I'd gotten used to hot water on demand … or at least warm water. On the road I had suffered through a cold bath when I had to … and on a couple of the hottest days it had even been welcome … but a cold bath during the winter is just plain torture. I had pulled the grandmothers' old galvanized hip bath in from the cabin so that we could bathe in the warm kitchen with water from the hot water reservoir on the stove and that took care of part of the problem but emptying that thing was a chore. Thor said in his grandparents' old house there had been a wood boiler that had been used for hot water in the winter and he thought he could rig something up similar for here in the kitchen and put it in corner that the frig had stood in. That was also the wall shared by the downstairs bathroom and he thought he could rig a valve to run hot water there in the winter and leave the upstairs bathroom for use during the summer.

After the generator was up and running the other main project that Thor worked on was setting up the radios. That proved to be as challenging as the generator but after a day of tinkering and then running antenna wire to the old radio antenna my grandfather had installed before I was even born we were able to receive more than just static.

"Hon, how old is that antenna?"

I laughed, "Older than I am is all I know but Dad always kept it up and taken care of because he meant to get around to having his own set up when the money became available … it just never did. One of the few times I ever remember my mother being really angry at me was one day when I climbed the thing playing King Kong with a Barbie doll. I got all the way to the top and was hollering and carrying on like I had seen on the afternoon creature feature and then I got mad when Dad came up and got me. They wanted to know what I had been doing and why I had scared them so bad. I wanted to know why they had made me stop playing and having fun."

After a moment Thor asked, "How many times did you get the I-hope-you-have-one-just-like-you speech growing up?"

That made me laugh harder, "A few times. How many times did you get it?"

"Often enough that now that I'm old enough to appreciate what they meant I pray that it was just wishful thinking on their part and not the real curse they hoped it to be," he said laughing right along with me.

We weren't the only ones adjusting. Lady was trying to figure out her place too. She was a much happier puppy than when we found her though she was turning out to be a little passing strange. She didn't bark much and one time when she did bark real loud she scared herself so bad I had to go dig her out of the hay 'cause she wouldn't come out on her own. The cattle and chickens fascinated her though thank goodness she only wanted to smell them but the rooster terrified her. And she fell in love with Boots and Barney which might have been the weirdest things of all, but maybe even weirder was that they seemed to tolerate her too.

They couldn't hide from her. Thor and I would watch them slink away and when she noticed they were gone she would panic for a moment then catch their scent and track them to where ever they had slunk off to. They seemed to do it on purpose. I had worried at first because Boots was a known dog terrorizer … he'd never met a dog he couldn't whoop up on pretty fierce. But the only time Boots whapped Lady was the one time she tried to give him a tongue bath. He would tolerate her smelling him, even up at his ears, but no tongues. Barney on the other hand seemed to enjoy Lady's attention even going so far as to purr and roll over on his side. And you should have seen them hunt together.

Lady would sniff out a mouse or rat and then stand back and let the two cats have at it. She'd just stand there and watch unless it tried to get away and then she'd chase it back into play. I'm not sure what Lady thought of the cats but the cats obviously thought we'd brought them a new hunting tool and would tolerate it since it was a gift to them. Cats are like that, the whole world seems to revolve around them.

Finally the weather did clear up, the snow melted back except up in the mountains and in the deepest shadows, and the mud firmed up enough that it wouldn't be dangerous taking the horses out. I was worried about leaving Lady home alone so I made a pen for her in the barn where the cats could keep an eye on her and she wouldn't be so lonely.

"Come on Rochelle, you've made her a nest, given her a bowl of water, lectured the cats to be good babysitters and threatened to put the rooster in a soup pot if he looks at her cross-eyed. She's a dog and she needs to learn. And she's too little to take with us. When she's older maybe she'll be OK but until we can be sure of that she's safer here in the barn … unless you've changed your mind and are willing to leave her in the house."

Well of course I knew that but it had been a long time since I'd had a dog and never a puppy like Lady. I was just worried she wouldn't be here when we got back. I finally managed to shake myself out of it and saddle up. "No, she'll do better with the animals to keep her company. I just hope she doesn't suddenly find her voice and start howling."

We rode out and we had in mind to go to the library first thing. When we got there I was a bit disappointed. Some of the windows had been broken and there was a leak in the ceiling that had done some damage to a couple of the sections. Most of the sections I wanted to look in were fairly intact but it was hard to decide which ones to take and which ones to leave behind.

Thor was doing his own looking but gave up in disgust. "There are better ones in the library at the farm."

"I know. But there might be some at the school … at least back in the shop area. Unless Coach or someone like that has already taken them. I wish we could have brought the wagon, there are a bunch of pattern books here that I'd like to save."

He looked at what I was adding to the stack of books I wanted and asked, "You can do that?"

I looked at the book he was pointing at and said, "Yeah, I can crochet. Knit too. I never really learned to weave though and I haven't got a clue how to make true fabric … or at least nothing that you could make decent clothes with."

"It hasn't come to that yet Hon," he said with a chuckle.

I wished I thought it was as funny. "Thor, I don't know about you but I'm hard on clothes when I'm working outside a lot. If nothing else I have to be able to mend what we've got. We've managed to find you some stuff but the clothes we have won't last a lifetime. What if things never go back to normal? What if …?"

"Easy Hon," he said brushing my cheek. "You're getting wound up again."

"Maybe so," I agreed. "But I'll kick myself if I wake up one day and realize I've been too short sighted. I never would have thought what has happened would have yet here we are. And sometimes I wonder if God hadn't led me to you would I have even made it this far. I don't want any kid we have to be in the same place I was a few months back … with nothing but barely the clothes on their back and afraid to even try and see more than a day ahead of themselves."

That got me a hug for comfort and a kiss for distraction. "Let's just focus on getting through the coming year first. Once we get that mostly squared away we can expand our plans. When your goal gets too overwhelming you build failure into it. Break it down into blocks small enough to deal with but still big enough that the result counts."

We both knew that was easier said than done but I did put my worries aside for a while and went back to making stacks of books. Almost an hour later we both had several stacks – the ones we were taking with us and the ones we would come back for another day. The air was still brisk as we stepped outside and I shivered a bit.

"You cold?"

"Naw, just felt like a goose crossed my grave," I told him.

"Not sure I'm too fond of that particular saying Hon."

I shook my head, "I don't think I meant anything in particular by it."

"Think?" I wasn't sure how to answer him. Sometimes I got feelings that meant something and sometimes they didn't … and sometimes I couldn't tell the difference. After a moment he asked, "You have any place else in mind? Serious salvage is out since we don't have the means of transporting it back but …"

When he hesitated I said, "But …?"

Another hesitation and he pulled out Uncle Barkley's map. "Might be time to check out a few of these marks … see if our guesses coordinate with them."

I looked at the ones he was pointing at and just made a couple of corrections since he didn't know the lay of the land. "To get to those we'll have to take a different trail than these others. Better to add these two in and keep those three for another day."

We took off and for me it was a little depressing. Houses that had once been well kept were everything but. Some showed what looked like intentional vandalism and some simply looked abandoned … to some extent they all looked and felt haunted.

Thor noticed the change in me. "You OK?"

Perturbed I snapped, "You keep asking that. Shouldn't I be the one asking if you are OK? This can't be what I led you to believe we would find when we got here."

"Easy Hon," he said more gently than I probably deserved. "You didn't lead me to believe anything. Anything I thought I did on my own. You didn't trick me or coerce me to come here. This simply wasn't my home." I tried to say something but he made me let him finish. "This _wasn't_ my home but it is now … not for what was here but because you and I are here together now. It's not that these places don't affect me … they just don't affect me the same way they affect you."

I tried to roll the stress out of my neck and shoulders. "OK … and sorry I bit your head off. It's like I'm seeing two pictures at the same time, one laid over the top of the other. The way things used to be and the way they are now. I'm … I'm having trouble dealing with the differences."

"You wouldn't be human otherwise Rochelle, just don't lose your situational awareness in your sadness. We don't know what or who is out here. We don't know if any of these places are still occupied or not."

And his words were like a signal. We heard the report of a rifle coming from up one of the long driveways that ran up and away from the main road.

"That wasn't directed at us," I hissed as we got off the road and into the bushes for cover.

"No. The echo around here is ba …" another volley of shots interrupted what he was about to say. When we heard a woman scream hysterically we tied off our horses in the bushes and hurried up towards the house staying in the bushes and trees for cover.

The closer we came to our destination the slower we had to go to avoid making a lot of noise. When more shots came we were able to pinpoint three men, one of whom was injured and two women in the bushes firing at the house that had recently had a fire one end which laid it open and bare from the garage into what I remembered had been the kitchen and breakfast nook.

A voice from the house full of hate shouted, "You can tell Kemper and my Mom to shove their deal. You killed my daddy and now it looks like you did the same thing to my step-Mom! You come one step closer and I'll put some more holes in you!"

I knew that voice and I looked at Thor and pointed to the five intruders and mouthed the words, "Extreme prejudice."

Thor nodded in return and no, I don't regret shooting Kemper's people in the back. That's all those cowards deserved. It only took five rounds 'cause we didn't hesitate.

I shouted towards the house, "Tina! It's Rocky!"

After a few moments she called back out, "How … how do I know it is you? And how do I know I can trust you if it is you?"

I thought for a second, but only that. "Did I ever tell who put the leeches in Marcie's underwear?"

A nearly hysterical giggle turned into heart breaking sobs and I eased up to the porch. "Tina? You in there? Can I come in?"

She came out wiping her eyes, "The house … it's not fit for company …" When she caught sight of Thor I had to calm her down.

"Easy, this is my husband."

"Your … oh … I'd … yeah." She stopped and wiped her eyes. "I beg your pardon. Stro … he said that you … I … well I just wasn't sure what to make of it."

Thor looked at me and then made one of the signs we'd used for months. When he went off into the woods Tina stiffened up again.

"Relax," I told her. "It's all right. He's just is making sure there aren't any more around."

"There're two dead in the gully behind the house. I caught them trying to sneak up when I was coming back from feeding the horses. Oh … oh Rocky … the Littles … I have to …"

She was about to shake apart but I knew she meant her twin half siblings. "How old are they now?" I asked trying to focus her.

"Three. Oh my God, how am I going to ever … ? And winter isn't even here yet and …"

"You can't stay here, that's for sure. And don't get all bowed up, you know what I mean. I hate to ask, there isn't much time, but what happened exactly?"

Thor whistled to let me know he was about to step up to the porch so we both listened. The story was simple but no less tragic because of it.

"They were here yesterday with their so-called deal which was really just an ultimatum. Give them what they wanted or they were going to burn us out. You can see they'd already tried once right before the last storm. There were only two of them but they still managed to hurt Daddy pretty bad … broke his arm, nose, a couple of teeth; I'm pretty sure he had a concussion and a bruised kidney as he had blood in his urine. I had to feed the horses and that was the only reason he let me out of the house. My step mom couldn't because she just miscarried again and was still bleeding. Daddy couldn't; in truth he could barely move at all. They didn't even give a warning, just came in shooting. Dad took one …" she pointed towards a tablecloth covered body by the window. There was more than just blood on the fabric so I suspected he'd been hit in the head. "My step mom … she tried, she really did but they shot her in the stomach a little while ago. There's nothing I could do for her or Daddy. I wasn't sure what I was going to do and then you two showed up."

She wandered away and down to their rumpus room and I saw two sets of little eyes staring up from below. She went down and brought them up. The kids – a girl and a boy - didn't look bad, just shocky. "They're growing out of their clothes. Daddy wouldn't let me go looking for new ones. He said it was indecent to paw through other people's belongings like that. I'm not sure he really grasped what was going on and just how bad it was. My step mom and I spent a lot of time trying to … not upset him."

"Nothing against your Dad Tina, especially now, but we can't let them kids go around without clothes."

"Those kids," she corrected automatically. "And I know. I just …"

I looked at Thor and he was letting me make the decision again. It made me want to throw something at him but it also made me think. I wasn't prepared to just drag someone back to the farm. Tina was OK but she and I weren't real close … her father had made sure of that. I wouldn't walk away and leave her and the little kids stranded but I wasn't ready to turn the farm into a hotel either. Then a potential solution came to me. "Tina? Will you let me take you to Granny C's place?"

When she stiffened I told her, "Look, pride is one thing but this is something else all together. Besides, you could trade some of your training you were getting in school for a place to stay. Granny C would likely be grateful for the help and grateful for the female company. All's she got as far as I know are Mr. Hefling and the boys."

I thought she was going to fight more but she just looked around and then relaxed. "I won't be a charity case. I can work for my keep … and the twins' too. I can help Granny C and Doc. I can be useful."

"Of course you can."

She stiffened her spine again but this time in resolution. "I'll ride one of the horses and put the twins on the pony; Daddy had already been teaching them to ride. Let me grab some laundry bags and I'll put them on the other two horses. Stro …" Even in her pallor I saw a brief crimson tinge touch the tips of her ears. "Stro can give me a hand with the rest of it later today … or tomorrow if there is anything left."

Since most of their food had been moved down into the rumpus room for safe keeping I went down there with my wind up light and started loading some of the easier stuff to transport into one of the laundry bags while she started gathering clothes and whatever else from upstairs. I heard Thor's boots on the stairs. "Fill me in?"

Since I'd figure he'd ask sooner or later the story was already organized in my head. "Tina was a year ahead of me in school. She and Stro were hot and heavy until her dad found out about it. He sometimes substituted up at the highschool and was kind of prejudice against Stro because he thought he was just a dumb jock, didn't want to listen to any other possibility, Stro Hefling just wasn't good enough for his daughter that was going to be a doctor. He made them break up and then Janie came back to town … Stro had dated Janie before Tina … and you know about all that. `Tina though … she never started dating anyone else. She never said that she was still hung up on Stro but …"

I heard Thor mutter, "God I am so glad I am past the stage in life."

"Excuse me?" I asked huffily.

He snorted, "You know what I mean and if you don't I'll show you tonight. Just you couldn't pay me to go back to that kind of drama."

"No, you just lived to be shot at in foreign countries. You were an adrenaline junkie," I sniffed.

"Now Hon …"

He almost missed my lips twitching.

"Hey! You were yanking my chain!"

"Of course I was you big goof. I've always hated the drama a lot of people seem to thrive on creating for themselves. I had enough foisted on me by real life … I didn't need to go creating more of it."

A teasing headlock and a kiss were my reward and then we headed back upstairs to find Tina putting the twins in their snowsuits. Thor went out to saddle the horses. "Sorry," I muttered a little embarrassed at getting caught at gossiping.

"Don't be. You're right. It was always something with someone all around us. It's like we took turns. Only you stayed out of it … or at least you did when we let you."

She was nervous, talking to avoid thinking. I told her, "You'll be OK. It won't be easy but you will be OK you know."

"You say it like you're sure."

"I am … assuming you want to believe it too."

She nodded absent mindedly and then with more assurance. "I'm not going to give up. The eco-freaks couldn't make me. The sickness couldn't make me. All the troubles couldn't make me. And Kemper and his creeps sure can't make me. Give me a hand with the Littles and then let's go. I don't want to show up in the middle of a meal and it will be close enough to lunch when we get there as it is."

We got on the road and Tina told me about the empty houses we passed and which driveways to avoid because of who was living where. "People are jumpy. I have a feeling that my family isn't the only one that has been visited by Kemper."

She was too right. We caught sight of a man running down the road toward us. "Rocky?! Thor?!"

It was Lawson. "What?!" He was a bloody mess. His eyebrow was split and so was his lip and a cut above his ear had run all down onto his clothes.

"They've got Granny's surrounded. We're holding them off but I came around and down to see if I could get some help. They said they'd burn us out in an hour."

I looked at Thor who had a cold, mean look on his face. He said, "I've had all I'm taking from these people. They're starting to irritate me."

Tina could only stare at him and breathe a weak, "Geez."

I turned to Tina, "Remember the rock all the kids called the playhouse … the one by the old water wheel?" At her nod I said, "Lawson take her there and protect them until you hear my half time whistle." I looked at Tina. "Try and patch him up please. We may need him back in the game before it's over."

Thor and I handed the horses off to Lawson and after a few minor questions Thor and I took off for yet another fight. I had a feeling though this time Thor was done being a gentleman. And I was plumb tired of nothing but defensive plays; time for the offense to hit the field.


	79. Chapter 79

Chapter 79

I did not feel guilty for what I had already done that day, nor for what I was about to do, but I didn't feel any kind of righteousness either. I wondered about it for a moment and then decided that it wasn't the time to go all philosophical. I was just a soldier helping to protect my community from a real and present danger. Bottom line was I was seeing myself as part of a solution not a tool of retribution; any issues of revenge I would live to God where they belonged since He was the one in charge of Judgment Day. There was no way to make up for what Kemper's people had done, no way to bring the dead back to life, no way to unburn Tina's house or make good on all that Kemper's people had stolen from others, the destruction they had caused, the families that had been torn apart. There was no going back, only forward. And for us all to move forward, Kemper and his people would have to be moved out of the way.

We came up on a group of three that were already lighting a Molotov cocktail to throw. Kemper's people had lied yet again; they were not waiting an hour before they attacked but were only lulling their prey into dropping their guard. I heard Thor mutter, "Waste of good hooch" as he brought his rifle to his shoulder. When the man raised his arm to throw the bottle Thor's bullet shattered it spraying all three men with the contents that quickly caught fire from the lit rag stuffed in the mouth of it.

They ran around screaming, running into each other then falling to the ground trying to put the flames out that were cooking their flesh. Their terror and pain driven screams caused the rest of Kemper's people to reveal their locations. Those that immediately moved to aid their fallen comrades we shot nearly point blank. Those that had held their position kept their lives a bit longer, but not by much.

We weren't quite an hour flushing out the final member of Kemper's squad. Stro and Mr. Hefling joined us once it turned into a hunt. The battle may have been over but the war wasn't. A man road up and stopped Mr. Hefling and then rode on.

"We've had word that at least three other places were hit by Kemper's people today. Neighbors are starting to check up on one another," Mr. Hefling told Thor.

I looked at Stro and said, "Add Tina's house to the list."

Stro stiffened but before he could ask I told him, "She's with Lawson and the twins down by the old wheel house ruins. I need to go bring them in, the kids are bound to be cold by now and Granny C …"

"Who's taking my name in vain? Is that the Charbonneau girl?"

I laughed and said, "Yes ma'am. Would you like me to bring Tina around to give you some help?"

"Well, would you please? Girl has sense and a willingness to work and that's the best kind of help I need right now."

I looked at Thor who had a small smile on his lips despite the seriousness of the situation; Granny C had that affect on most people. I told him, "I'll go bring them in while you and Mr. Hefling do your thing." I stopped after I had taken a step away and turned. "Don't you dare leave me out."

"Would I leave without my right hand?" he asked. I knew he was exaggerating but I didn't care. No way was I going to let anyone keep me out of it just because I was a girl … or for any other reason.

It didn't take me long to collect Lawson and the others and return to Granny C's place. I noted out of the corner of my eye that Stro and Tina were friendly and polite in a kinda tippy-toe around each other way but I kept telling myself it wasn't my problem. They'd either work it out or not. I was too flaming big to play Cupid. My job was to bash heads, let someone else take on the job of mending hearts.

That didn't mean that ignoring Stro's problem was in my nature and I fought the itch to do something to help. As I went through the pockets and packs of Kemper's people it ate at me, preventing me from focusing like I should have. Granny C must have sensed my dilemma because she came over and patted my arm and said, "I'll fix 'em up, you just keep your head on straight. Reckon I don't want to deal with that long, tall one you got caught by if you get hurt. He seems like he'd make a powerful bit of noise about it all."

I couldn't stop the blush that crept across my cheeks. "He's a good 'un Granny."

"I reckon he is if he managed to convince you to let him catch ye. You got him tied up good so it seems." She said it with a smile of approval. Like Momma, she'd always said one day love would come my way when God thought I was ready; guess she was right.

We pooled the ammo and guns and then ate a light meal by combining the odds and ends we'd collected from them all. It wasn't what you'd call regular rations, more like stuff that people were keeping back or were hiding from the others. By the time we got everything mixed together it honestly looked a little bit like dog food mixed up with lima beans and diced rutabagas but it filled the holes and it wasn't like I hadn't eaten worse while on the road. It just didn't look at it too close as it was going in.

While we ate we formulated our plan. Thor, speaking to Mr. Hefling said, "I have a good idea of where Kemper's site is as far as a map goes but as Rochelle's already warned me, what looks right on a map is different actually getting there on the ground."

Several local boys … well I guess they were actually young men as they were about my age or older … had arrived to be included in the posse. Lawson had run across some running traps down near the river and they'd spread the word. One young man whose name was JJ said, "Don't sweat it Mr. Thor, we get tourists that show us maps all the time and say 'this here map says there is a road' and all we can do is tell 'em it may look like a road on their map but it ain't nothing but something that used to be a road or maybe a road used to be there but the NPS or forestry service fenced across it or rerouted it at some point."

JJ's twin brother RJ agreed and then added, "My uncle says they do it on purpose just to drive folks crazy and make the map people richer."

Mr. Hefling said, "Whatever the reason it's more true than not. But rather than going by the road it is shorter to follow the river up because it runs in behind that resort they took over. We'll have to cross the river beforehand because it broadens and runs fast right there. The people that built that resort graded flat a good bit of ground but it hasn't been kept up since things fell apart and Kemper's people have put up tents and drug in travel trailers all around the main building to go along with the outlying cabins. It's not hard to sneak in close if you're careful … certainly easily within rifle range if it winds up being better to snipe the compound."

The guys all seemed to like that way too much for my comfort. I looked at Thor and then at the others and said, "Look, at the risk of everyone looking at me like I'm a girl, we need to get our goal straight here. Are we out to do the same thing that Kemper did or are we out just to cut the head off the snake?"

From behind me I heard a voice from the past. "That's using your noggin for something besides a battering ram."

I twisted around and grinned. "Coach!"

"Introduce me Rocky … didn't get a good chance at it last time." I reintroduced Coach and Thor and they sized each other up a bit before he said, "Seems to me you might have some experience in these types of operations."

Thor hesitated before saying, "I do. But I'm not about to stir up an ant hill. I'm done being irritated by that group but I won't be part of wholesale slaughter. We don't even know if Kemper is still in charge."

One of the other guys broke in and asked, "You got some reason to think he ain't?"

Before the others had to lie to cover up what had happened in town I said, "We overheard a group talking. Doesn't seem like everyone is thrilled with the way things were being operated … or at least they thought they could do a better job of it."

Coach said, "That jives with what I heard from the group that tried to attack the Lindenhall place."

"Is that one from today or another attack?" Thor asked.

"Yesterday. The barn is a total loss but they got the animals out."

Thor looked troubled. I asked, "Thor?"

"Either no one is in charge or the one that is has more bravado than brains. As a group these attacks are too reckless, they don't hold together. The way these attacks are occurring are more like separate bandit groups rather than a well organized tactical team. If you count up all the bodies today alone they've lost over two dozen of what would be considered soldiers, their most valuable community members."

A guy, one of Sand's crowd, said, "That's bad but it isn't like they don't have replacements. They have over 200 people."

I shook my head, "Not anymore they don't."

Then we had to put everything together for everyone there. It was a rush job without a lot of detail but it was enough.

"So," I summed up. "They were down to a hundred and thirty. That number included old folks and children. Say even if three quarters of that whole number were adults you're gonna have some of those be people that either won't or can't fight. Between the women unable to fight and a few men too unskilled to fight say you take off another fifty percent. That left them with about fifty fighters. They've lost half that number today alone. That leaves them with twenty-five real fighters … or soldiers. We've got nearly twenty right here between us and that is without even trying. Which brings us back to my original question. Do we go in there and bully up on a lot of people that most likely don't stand a chance against us or do we just go in and cut the head off the snake and … er … dissuade them from continuing their current actions?"

Thor, Coach, Mr. Hefling, Sand who had shown up a few minutes before, and a couple of the other more experienced men all nodded. It was Stro that said, "It might be easier to just go in and mow 'em all down but I'd like to be able to look at myself in the mirror come morning. Last I heard God ain't sent down a message that we should go in and kill every man, woman, and child like the Amalekites."

Not everyone got the Biblical reference, including Thor, but they understood the general idea of it. Some of the young men were still gung ho but the reality had begun to sink in to most of them. I pushed on, "I don't know how many of the locals are left up there. We know that all of the group that split off are either dead or close to it if that virus takes the same path it did before. I don't know how many locals left to go with that group but some of the people left however are bound to be from around here. I know they done wrong but I don't want to start any mountain feuds by killing someone that ain't an immediate threat to me or mine."

Thor, while sympathetic, said, "Hon, we don't have all day. Do we go in or not?"

I knew Thor was talking at me but he was really talking to all of them. There came a time to end the talking and start the walking. "Well, if my opinion counts I say we go in careful and take out their defenses, get whoever is in power, and then back off and let them lick their wounds … assuming they'll let us show them that kind of Mercy."

Mr. Hefling and Coach both snorted at the same time. I turned to them and said, "Well? It's the truth. If they are attacked directly most likely they are going to fight back. We can't fool ourselves into thinking that some innocent – or at least relatively innocent – people aren't going to get hurt. The trick is going to be getting in and out and hurting as few people as possible but making the ones we do hurt count on the proper column of the stat sheet."

It was decided. We broke up into groups. Coach took a lot of the younger guys and would be the rear guard. Another man took some of the group and would bring them up behind the resort. The rest of us … Thor, myself, Mr. Hefling, Stro, Lawson, Sand, and a young man the Lindenhall family had taken in when his had been killed in the original riots … would start the battle.

We all took horses or mules but left them with two of the youngest boys before we crossed the river at an old bridge. Some of the animals were high strung and being out and about around all the other animals appeared to be making them edgy so Jimmy Ray was also asked to stay behind and he seemed relieved to do it. It's not that Jimmy Ray wasn't a fighter, the battle that lay ahead was simply well beyond his sheltered experience. The three groups made their final split and ours headed cautiously forward. The trail we followed would take us along a small tributary to the river and just above the resort. The smell reached us before we caught sight of resort.

There was a sudden violent rustling in the trees and Lawson almost shot one of the boys from the group that was supposed to be heading around to the back. Huffing and puffing Jimmy Ray's younger cousin said, "I think someone's done gone completely crazy Mr. Thor. We cain't get around the way we were going 'cause there's a fire in the trees. Mr. Beaumont says that he's going to take us back to hook up with Coach in case the fire sweeps around. So far it is only traveling slow because of all the recent wetness but he's not sure if it's going to run all the way to the peak or not or if there's enough snow left to stop it from going up and over and down into the next valley."

Mr. Hefling shook his head worriedly and sent the boy back down the path we'd taken to hook up with the rest of them. "This ain't good."

We needed to see for ourselves so we finished climbing to the vantage point that had been our goal to begin with. We had no sooner gotten there when I noticed something weird. "No animal I know makes holes that neat and uniform."

"Those aren't holes Hon, someone …" He looked over at Mr. Hefling who nodded in agreement. "Those aren't holes. They're either mines, boobies, or …"

He never finished as there was an explosion on one end of the resort and then those holes started exploding as well. I nearly yelled but caught myself in time. Stro spoke for us all when he said, "What in blue blazes?!"

Mr. Hefling nudged Thor and then handed him a high powered rifle scope and pointed. I couldn't see much through the smoke but Thor muttered, "Idiots."

"Want to fill the rest of us in?" Stro asked in irritation.

Mr. Hefling said, "Watch it son."

Stro sighed and said, "Sorry Dad … Thor. It's just this was going to be hard enough as it was … did we need them folks to find a treasure box of stupid pills?"

That was one of Coach's favorite phrases when any of his players did something really stupid off the field. Both Lawson and I snorted and when Thor looked at me I told him, "Inside joke, something Coach would say, I'll explain it later. But it's the truth. Do we continue with the plan or come back another day when things aren't so … so …"

I wasn't sure what to call it but Thor said, "No. It needs to come to a stop now. Someone down there has what looks like a box of old dynamite."

Mr. Hefling broke in, "Probably from the quarry but it ain't been stored properly if the boxes are any indication. TNT starts degrading after a year and from the looks of that I would say that stuff is at least twice that old, maybe more. Idiots was being too kind."

Another explosion went off outside of the resort's perimeter and people stopped running around and took refuge again. "What is going on? And let's not bother with who so much as why they are blowing up their own people?!"

"They may not be doing this on purpose if those explosives are unstable."

Just then an explosion larger than the other ones rocked the whole area and when things stopped falling from the sky and the dust cleared it looked like half the main building was gone. Sand had been relatively quiet up to this point but he finally muttered, "Oh crap."

The explosion had thrown burning debris up into the surrounding forest including some that rained down around us. Pines and cedars are highly flammable and that is primarily what had been used to replant with after the lumber companies had cut over this area about fifty years previously. There weren't a lot of pines left of that age but there were some, the rest were descendents of those planted pines and the forest floor was deep in pine needles making for a potential tender box.

Some snapping and crackling above us warned me. "Move!" I yelled with all the authority I could slam into my voice while I used my body to slam Thor and Stro backwards.

We just barely avoided getting crushed by a piece of debris that had lodged in the top of a pine. It had started a blaze in the pine forest canopy that was already spreading … this time towards town rather than away from it. But it wasn't moving fast because of the remaining snow mass that remained on this shaded side of the hollow.

Sand said, "That was close. I'm thinking we need to get back and start building fire breaks and pray the river keeps it on this side."

I asked, "Who is left on this side of the river? Is anyone left?"

"None that I know of," Mr. Hefling said thinking as he looked at the renewed commotion down in the resort. "Weren't that many to begin with after the Forestry Service and Fish and Wildlife forced the lumber companies to put all of this land in a trust."

"I thought they did that in lieu of fines and taxes," I said rattled enough to lose my focus.

"Nah. The state wanted the land after they found that big vein of copper ore. But times a wasting. Do we stay or do we go?"

I looked at Thor who was still calmly watching the goings on below us. "There's a fight going on."

"What?"

"There's some kind of shoot out going on. Look … there's a small group there by the side of the big building. Now see how there are several shooters looking their direction. There. Did you see that? They're being careful but they are taking shots at each other."

Sure enough they were but none of us could tell, from this distance, how serious they were. Suddenly Lawson says, "Look! That's Kemper."

Sure enough a handful of people were taking off out of back of the main resort building. Kemper wasn't the only one I recognized either. There was a woman I recognized as a teacher from the middle school, Kemper's daughter, two men I didn't recognize … and then Janie. I glanced at Stro and found his face hard.

But hard turned to absolute shock when a man jumped out of the trees and cut them all down with an automatic rifle. The man started shouting, "We got him! We got Kemper!" Then he too was taken down by a shotgun blast from his buddy who shot him in the back. That man grabbed Kemper's backpack, ripped it off the body, and started running up the trail in our direction.

I looked at Stro and he and me and we stood up and positioned ourselves on either side of the trail. Thor was asking a silent question but I winked at him. Not even a minute later the assassin was puffing up the trail dragging Kemper's pack. Stro and I sandwiched him and the guy made a funny bleating sound as the air was forcefully slammed out of his body before toppling over. I pulled an old, brown extension cord off the guy's belted and hog-tied him by two arms and one leg after throwing Stro a piece roll of duct tape to cover the guy's mouth with.

Lawson grinned briefly at Thor's raised eyebrow and whispered in a snicker, "Not too many people got up after getting caught between the Freight Train and the Brick Wall." Thor's sardonic "I imagine not" had me giving him a look that promised him all kinds of rewards for acknowledging my abilities rather than denigrating me for them.

Mr. Hefling's soundless whistle had us turning to him. "Well, well, well. Apparently Kemper was holding out on his people. Idiot. What did he think this stuff was going to be worth anyway?"

In the pack were stacks of large bills … and I'm not talking about the kind that belonged on a duck. In the bottom were some collectable coins sealed in plastic but mostly it was just stacks and stacks of paper dollars in large denominations. If I had collected all of that I'd seen since I had left San Francisco I could have repapered the inside of the house and still had enough to do all the outbuildings too and had a year's worth of toilet paper on top of that. From what I had experienced paper money wasn't worth the ink it had been printed with.

"Anything actually worth anything in there?" I asked.

There wasn't except for a couple of coins that looked authentic enough that they might be valuable some day. Thor divided those up between those of us there and then retied the pack shut. The guy that Stro and I had mashed had regained consciousness and when we threw the pack into a pile of embers he started having a fit. We ignored him. There was no reason for making such a fuss over just a bunch of burning paper.

Looking around at what remained of the situation I laid it on the table. "OK, Kemper's dead. The compound is badly damaged and probably not fit for habitation this winter. They'll be lucky to dig out enough supplies to get them through a few more weeks at the rate things are burning down there. It looks like they won't be able to reorganize since from what we can tell they fell apart from within. The number of real fighters they have left is negligible. And the sense of those that are left is questionable at best." That last was said looking at the fool that was still trying to drag what was left of the pack out of the embers with his free foot.

Thor and Mr. Hefling seemed to be communicating silently and I remembered why people found it annoying when Stro and I did that. Sand seemed to be on their wavelength however and said, "That still leaves people that are going to be looking for a hand out … whether it's willing or not. Even with the best case scenario we are going to have community-wide problems from this."

In a strained voice Stro said, "Depends."

"On what?" I asked.

"On that," he responded pointed down the path. He'd been looking at Janie's body and had been the first to see the fire break through the wet litter on top of the dry duff. When we turned it was to see lots of flames begin to break through. It was time to move. The sound of squealing had me pulling out my Bowie. Lawson reached towards me but Stro grabbed his arm.

The Bowie sliced through the electrical cord in one smooth cut and our captive was up and running. Sand startled us by yelling, "Not that way!" But it was too late.

The man had run off into the underbrush. In only a moment he had lifted the damp litter away and let oxygen into the smoldering layer beneath. The flames leapt all round him and then engulfed him. In his rush to escape he hadn't even bothered to tear the duct tape off of his mouth and that's probably the only thing that held his screams in.

We didn't have time to be fully impressed by the horror because we were off and running ourselves, trying to get to the river before we got cut off. We didn't dare get off the path for fear of having the same thing happen to us that happened to the man we'd left behind, melting in his own refusal to listen to Sand's warning.

Slipping and sliding we ran down and we could see the bridge a half a football field away. On the other side were the other two groups. Mr. Hefling slapped Lawson and said, "Go! Tell 'em to set up fire breaks along the narrow point of Left Fork!"

Lawson, despite his bulk, had been one of the fastest wide receivers in our division. And as I watched him pound down the path I thought to myself, "The boy can still fly."

We were only ten yards from stepping foot on safety when a great whoosh of heat nearly knocked us off of our feet and a wall of flames sprung up, rushed across our path and cut us off.

"Dad!" Lawson frantically screamed, but he was held back by Coach and a couple of the other grown men. Then it came to me and I brought a fist down on Sand and Stro's shoulder and made a hand motion at Lawson who nodded and started running. He was followed by a couple of the guys on that side.

I grabbed Thor's arm and Stro grabbed his dad. Sand grabbed the Lindenhall kid. We started running along the river bank, doing our best not fall in, all three of us thinking the same thing.


	80. Chapter 80

Chapter 80

It was going to be tricky but so long as they were still there we would at least have a chance. "They" were the canoes and kayaks that our Venture Crew had rented out from the different resort lodges in the area. There was a portage area that kept extra equipment in case of leaks and damage and that work shed was our destination.

I didn't have a clue whether Thor could kayak or canoe and I knew for a fact that Mr. Hefling's bad leg would make it difficult for him, but the rest of us were experienced at both. Even the Lindenhall boy, whose name I finally remembered was Turner Ashby, had a summer job helping run tourists from town up to the different drop off points.

We'd outrun the flames by going up and over on a trail that cut across rather than following the river. I almost cussed when we got there but Turner called, "Help me bust this lock off!"

Stro said, "Get outta the way! Easier to break the door than to break the lock!" And that's exactly what he did; he broke the hasp right out of the wooden panel.

Inside were a couple of kayaks hanging from the ceiling. "Rochelle …"

"It'll work, just let me show you," I told him.

Turner said brusquely, "Not those … these. This is where we store them." He pulled down a canvas sheet.

"The trainers!"

Three two-seater kayaks were suspended on rods on the wall. We quickly pulled them out and the oars that went with them and then put our packs in the float bags that were hanging on the wall next to the some additional wet gear. Only half of us got gear that fit but some coverage was better than none so despite the coveralls being several inches too short in the leg Stro, Thor, and I still put them on as well as the water proof coats that hit us midway between wrist and elbow. Thor wound up taking his jacket off again after saying, "Forget it. I'll wear the rain poncho but I can barely lift my arms in this thing." Stro and I looked at him and then followed suit. This wasn't summer vacation and we might need to have full movement.

When it came time to get into the kayaks at the water's edge Thor was not at all comfortable with the seating arrangement but I was the only one that realized it. Sand chose that moment to open his mouth when I wished he hadn't. "Relax Thor. There are only a couple of rapids between here and where we're aiming for."

Thor looked at me, gave a sigh like a horse that has been ridden too long but knows he's still got a ways before he gets to rest, and did his best to relax. Sand pushed off with Turner, Stro pushed off with his father, and then I pushed off with Thor. Thor and I rode deep in the water but since we were in a calm stretch the water didn't lap over into the kayak.

My paddle muscles were telling me it had been a while since I had kayaked. Even with the weight training that Thor and I had started up the backs of my shoulders were feeling well used by the time we'd gone a quarter mile.

I felt the kayak bobble just a bit and then Thor said, "It doesn't look like the fire has crossed the river yet but it is coming up hard on our side."

Sand heard and said, "The fire is racing through the duff and now that flames have broken out it is drying the litter on top faster. River is going to narrow up here at the first rapid but I don't think it'll jump here … it's too rocky and stays wet year round from a spring that empties into it right on the bank."

I explained to Thor, "Not far now. It's barely a Class 2. We'll come out of this run, hit the rapid, then the cascade. The only maneuvering we'll have to do is right at the end to avoid a large undercut."

It was as smooth as I told him it would be. When we reached where the water was back to being a smooth run Mr. Fleming asked Sand, "Do you think they'll get there in time?"

He answered, "It's not that I'm worried about. They'll be able to cut down time by running across the bow rather than around it. But if the fire gets there before they do and the bridge comes down or catches fire …"

Not a pleasant prospect and I prayed that wasn't the case. The water was moving rapidly and waves were beginning to bounce us around a little bit throwing cold spray into our face. In a strained voice just loud enough for me to hear Thor asked, "Hon, did I ever tell you I'm not real fond of little boats?"

Every man has his weakness and I just figured out what Thor's was. I leaned back as far as I could and told him, "Just hold on, we'll get passed this and through the next bit of whitewater and it's the worst of the three. Try and not lose your oar; as soon as I say pull it out of the water and just let me do the work. Pretend you are on a roller coaster."

A strangled, "I'm not real fond of them either" was his only response.

I wondered how on earth a man that had, by all accounts from the stories I'd heard around the campfires all summer, jumped from airplanes, flown helicopters in bad weather, and rappelled down the sides of sheer cliffs could possibly get motion sickness in a little kayak. Then I didn't have time to think, only steer.

I stroked and dragged doing my best to put us through the gentlest route. I heard a snap and then a curse as Mr. Hefling lost his paddle trying to avoid side swiping a boulder. I saw Sand's kayak t-bone and then swing around. Lucky for them both were experienced kayakers and they worked in conjunction to straighten up before they went through the sieve. Thor and I did okay until the very end when an eddie caught us and I couldn't keep us from hitting a pillow. I was able to get us out before we got sucked down into a pressure wave but we still rolled and it wasn't until Thor accidentally helped that I got us back upright.

I expected to hear some fancy cursing from Thor but all was silent. I couldn't look back until we were out of the cascade and by then Sand and Stro had paddled to our side. I turned and saw Thor had a bloody nose and a busted lip and a little bit of a crazy look in his eyes. "You did say that was the worst? Right Ro-chelle?"

I fought a smile, knowing he was all right if he could be a smart aleck and I said, "You betcha."

All six of us then put our backs into it and by the time we got to the third rapid we fairly shot through it like a watermelon seed at a spitting contest. "All done with the rapids," I said, trying to keep my teeth from chattering.

"We need to get dry," Thor responded in a less than hearty voice.

I did turn around then and realized with some alarm that the bloody nose and busted lip wasn't his only injury. But there was no time to say anything we were coming around the bend and heard guns shots.

"Well crud!" I complained.

"Yep," Stro agreed.

We slowed the kayaks but our previous speed still took us around the bend and into the middle of a battle. We started paddling for the shore where our people were but Sand and Mr. Hefling both took hits in the process. We got up to shore and others were there waiting for us.

Thor stumbled and I put my shoulder up under him and got him onto the trail into the trees. Stro asked, "Thor hit too?"

"I think he hit a rock when we rolled."

Thor said in goofy voice, "Gotta love that rock-n-roll."

Stro looked at me with a startled expression. "Uh …"

"I've got him, you mind your dad. Sand?"

"I'm OK. It's just a flesh wound."

Mr. Hefling's wound wasn't, so over his father's protest Stro picked him up in a fireman's carry. I looked at Thor but he looked at me and said, "Not unless you want puke all down your back. I'll be fine as soon as my stomach settles. Mostly-ly-ly shock I think." The shivers grabbed him. His face was very pale and I hated like heck that I was going to have to drag him along when he really needed to find a place and get warmed up.

"Is it me or is it colder than it was not that long ago?" Thor asked.

I thought he was just chilled until I realized it was true. I looked at the sky and suddenly I got real worried. I looked at the guys. Some were still in a face-off with whoever was on the other bank but the few others were milling around like they didn't know what direction to take.

"All right, that's enough." Hearing my voice as it rang with the dulcet tones that I'd learned from Coach they all stopped and just stared at me. My questions were simple and clipped. "Who's on the other side?"

"Think it's another bunch of Kemper's people."

"Think or know?"

One of them said, "Recognize one that came to the house a couple of weeks back. He was with Kemper then."

"Where are the others?"

"Ran to do what Mr. Hefling said … firebreaks at the Narrows."

I nodded. "I want an orderly fall back. Turner, help Sand. Stro, you've got your dad. Lawson, I want you and Mitchell to haul butt and let the others know we are on our way with injured." Then I turned to the guys that were guarding our backs. "I want each end to fall back and head down the trail in pairs … outside to the middle which is those closest to the foot bridge. Don't forget … break the trail through, don't take either fork or you'll wind up in the wrong place and take twice as long to get where you need to be. Rendezvous at the Narrows. Start …. now!"

Before they would go Sand wanted to know, "What about you and Thor?"

"Get going. We'll bring up the rear." He didn't have any choice after that because Turner started pulling him away. I helped Thor put his pack on and then put my own on. The pack cut the wind off my back but it plastered my cold wet shirt to me giving Thor a sight that he attempted to leer at.

"I swun boy. Nothing stops you," I joked half heartedly pulling my jacket closed, truly worried about the fact that he still seemed dazed.

"With you as fodder for my fantasies? Never expect anything less, no matter how old we get." But he said it not in a dirty way but one that would have been fit for the most romantic candle lit dinner I could imagine. I prayed I'd get a chance to fulfill some of those fantasies he had as I slammed the last pieces of our rifles together where we'd stored them in the float bags to keep them from getting wet. The last pair from our side of the river ran by and I sent a spray from Thor's automatic rifle across the bridge to give them something to think about before dragging him off down the trail after every one.

"Rochelle …"

I didn't want to hear it.

"Rochelle …"

"Don't say it Thor. Because if it makes its way out of your mouth you are going to have a lump on the other side of your forehead to match the first and you can go around looking like one of them drunk, sex-starved goats in Greek mythology."

A snort and then he said, "Called a satyr Hon."

"I don't care what it's called, you're gonna look like one if you say it."

I absolutely refused to entertain the notion of leaving him behind any more than he would have let me say such a thing. Lucky for him he's a smart man and knew when to drop a subject a female didn't have any intention of talking about. We were on a short bluff that ran near another piece of whitewater when a yell from ahead of us brought me skidding to a halt.

A young boy ran back to me; his coat was singed on one arm. "We can get through but my brother says to be careful. The fire crossed the river when a tree fell; nearly caught us."

I nodded and then turned back around, rifle at the ready, when I heard yelling behind us. I kept praying under my breath, "Please take the fork, please take the fork, please take the fork …"

I danced trying to move forward without tripping while looking back at the same time, but no one ever appeared at our rear. Thor whispered, "Looks like He heard your prayer."

I nodded but didn't dare speak or he would have heard my own chattering teeth and started up again. The wind was cutting right through us and was cold and nasty. Then it felt like I was being hit with firefly sparks from a fire. I groaned. Ice storm.

Trying to look on the bright side when Thor realized why I groaned and then added his own I said, "This'll help stop the fire."

"Always the optimist," Thor chuckled painfully.

We were falling farther and farther behind the others. Thor kept slipping and several times I was the one that almost took us down as the ground became glassy where the rocks came up through the dirt of the trail. An odd smell was on the air and I realized it was wet ashes. Just to be on the safe side I said a prayer of thanksgiving. Fire was one of the bigger things that could get too big for our diminished community to handle without God's help. Then we did go down, hard enough that I would have cried if the wind hadn't blown my eyes dry. One of my buttocks had landed on a very sharp stone.

We got ourselves back up but now we were both limping and I didn't know who was helping who more. Finally I saw a knot of people waiting for us. Coach was the only adult left. "There's no way to fight this. The storm and ice will either stop the fire or it won't but we risk too much trying to stay out in it and fight. We're all heading for home to prepare to move if need be." Nodding in Thor's direction he added, "He looks worse off than they made out. You sure you can make it?"

I looked around, "From here? Yeah, if the storm doesn't get too much worse. I know a short cut up and over. What about Mr. Hefling?" I was leading Thor over to our horses that were behaving calmly just like war horses ought to.

"Hefling will be well cared for by Ms. Hefling and his boys, you just take care of you two. And if you can't …"

I knew he was telling me to find a hole or make one. I nodded at him and the two younger boys that seemed to be stuck to him like glue. They flanked him as they rode away in one direction and Thor and I in the other.


	81. Chapter 81

Chapter 81

My rear was thumping as hard as Thor's head was probably doing. To say I wasn't sitting easy in the saddle was an understatement. That and the fact that I was anxious about the horses being on an icy trail is what had me moving so slow that I noticed Thor sliding sideways in his saddle and caught him before he actually went off.

"Umph!"

"Thor!"

"I'm 'kay … just … Hon, how much further is home?"

The fact that Thor would actually ask that had me searching his face in the gloaming that had fallen in the late afternoon. What I saw didn't make me happy.

"How cold are you?"

"Can't tell."

That told me all I needed to know. I had to get Thor out of the cold and get a fire started. He was suffering from hypothermia. His body, not experiencing this kind of weather in many years, simply wasn't acclimated enough to adjust the way mine had already started doing, though I knew I needed to get out of the weather soon as well. The problem was the path we were on didn't have much shelter on it. I was considering whether to try and get one going under the trees but that would have left the horses to suffer. Then I saw a landmark and realized that this was the path that I was going to take Thor on to check out the strange mark on Uncle Bentley's map.

I prayed. I don't know exactly what I was praying for but whatever it was I was praying hard for it. At the exact point pinpointed on the map I stopped and looked around but didn't see anything. Thor leaned over so heavy that I wasn't expecting it and only the two horses kept him from landing on his head. I got him down to the ground and helped him over to a rocky outcrop hidden in some trees. I realized this was as good as it was going to get and tied the horses off and looked around for something to build a shelter with.

There were what I thought were some downed small trees and I decided to use them as braces. They didn't want to give so I kicked them and they loosened a bit but not enough to drag them. Then I realized there was a large hollow spot beneath them. Even better, if I could just move some of the bigger stones around the opening I could even walk the horses underneath, it was that tall.

It took me fifteen minutes but I finally managed to pry the rocks out of the way. I went back for Thor only to find he'd been crawling in my direction before getting sick. "Thor?" I asked scared at how little he was moving.

"Tol … told you … I … I … I didn't l-l-l-like l-l-little boats."

"Lord, you're frozen through. So am I for that matter. Duck your head." I got him in and back into a surprisingly large space. So large in fact I couldn't see the back end because it was so black. The horses were reluctant until they sensed the warmth that could be had out of the wind but it took the apples in my pocket to completely convince them.

Searching in my pack another prayer was answered when all of my gear turned out to be dry. I was beginning to understand that God made a habit of answering prayers that were honestly prayed, even the ones you don't realize you are praying. I wound up my flashlight and looked around. I still couldn't see to the back of what I realized was a cave but I did notice a fire ring and nearly a half cord of cut wood ready to be used. Putting two and two together I realized this had to be the location where Uncle Bentley had found the old treasure and that he must have used it frequently enough as a stopover during his tramps in the mountain that he kept wood stocked in it.

I was beginning to shake now that my core temp was starting to warm up again since we were out of the wind and ice. I was glad I had my flint and steel because I probably wouldn't have been able to strike a match I was shaking so hard. While the fire ate up the tender and got into the bigger pieces of wood I started stripping Thor.

"You're gonna kill me," he mumbled.

No I wasn't but there was still a draft that made undressing more than uncomfortable. I unsaddled the horses much to their pleasure and took their saddle blankets and made a door across the cave opening. The cave smelled a little like horse sweat but, in a moment of mirth, I thought if I could live after smelling Evans' feet for weeks I could handle sweaty horse. Sweaty horse smell led me to think of wet dog smell and I had to put our pup from my mind and pray that she had the sense to burrow into the hay and that the cats would share her nest for warmth. The animals at the farm would have to be taken care of by God because I had my own immediate problems to deal with. Both Thor and the horses had to be dried off and fed.

Finally the cave started to warm and though it was still too cool for real comfort – like someone had set the air conditioning way too low – at least the worst of the cold was gone. I was finally able to dry the horses and strip Thor. I hung his wet clothes near the fire using a couple of limbs I pulled close. His rain pants weren't bad so I helped him to slip those back on to keep up from being completely Adam and Eve. I wrapped a space blanket around him and then started shimmying out of my own wet togs.

I looked up after I had finished hanging my own clothes to find Thor staring intently. "Thor?"

"Come here."

"Uh uh, you …"

"I said come here." The angry command in his voice caught me off guard and I obeyed automatically before I even thought about it. I did however react when he tried to rudely yank my rain pants down on one side.

I yelped, "You want that other lump now or later?!"

"Hold still," he ground out.

When I figured out what he was doing I said, "I'm fine, it's just a bruise."

He replied with a cuss word that had me giving him the same look Mom would give Dad on occasion. "There's absolutely no need for that. I told you I'm fine."

"That is not 'just a bruise'. It's as big as my hand and …"

I sighed and bent down, albeit painfully, and kissed him trying to distract him though I admit it felt wonderful to have him be so concerned for me when he himself was far worse off. "One of the times I fell my tush connected with a good sized rock. I'll be sore but nothing's broken. I've got plenty of padding back there."

He swallowed. "Don't … don't try and distract me with your padding. Are you sure there's no broken skin or anything? And how can you even tell, that's one of the darkest bruises I've ever seen on you."

"No broken skin. No broken bones. You on the other hand need those cuts looked at, though thank the good Lord above that bump on your head is going down. It is still nasty looking but at least it isn't spreading."

He reached up and gingerly felt the knot on his forehead. "I'm not dizzy anymore, or sick to my stomach. I don't think I'm concussed at all; this is just a hematoma. It looks nasty but that's about it and only hurts if I press on it."

I jerked his hand away, "Then for Heaven's sake don't press on it. Let me see your nose and lip. Any cracked teeth?"

He sighed, "The nose and lip … I … I hit myself with the oar."

"You …" I stopped and kept a serious face. Part of me wanted to laugh but another part of me … the part that had done it to myself before … kept me too sympathetic to crack a smile. "Whatever, it has to smart. I'm going to make some warm salt water and I want you to rinse your mouth out with it and then I've got a little tube of cold sore medicine that will at least take the sting out of the outside part and protect it from infection. Bridge of your nose looks bruised."

"Good thing I don't wear glasses then or I'd be worse off." He was a good sport for all he was embarrassed. "When it warms up you are going to teach me to kayak."

I smiled and told him, "Sounds like fun. There are places on the river further downstream from where we got out that can be canoed too. That's more relaxing and you can take more gear."

At my sudden quiet he asked, "What?"

"I just …" I shook myself. "Memories. Someone always had to stay home and mind the farm and Mom didn't care for the river except if we were fishing. Canoeing and kayaking just weren't her thing so it was always just Dad and I or the Crew or a piece of it if we were just goofing around as friends. We didn't keep a lot of animals so I never really thought of it."

"Thought of what?"

"The farm. I love the place but I just realized how … how stuck … I'm going to be. Animals have to be cared for every day, especially if we get a milk cow. You have to keep them safe from predators who will know if you aren't around. The garden is going to be so important from here on out because if something doesn't make there is no going to the store to make up the difference in our supplies. I just … Every time I think I've got just a bit of my old normalcy back I realize it is only further away. The old times and old ways are never coming back are they?"

Thor was kind but blunt, "Not for several years at a minimum. Now scoot over here and help warm me up."

I gave a watery chuckle and said, "You stay 'warm' all the time."

"And whose fault is that Hon?"

We both chuckled but fatigue was finally pulling at us both hard as the adrenaline rush drained away leaving us feeling a bit hollow. Slowly I felt him putting more and more weight on my back and I realized he was falling asleep so I gently laid us both over and when I heard his first snore I untangled myself and got up.

Hypothermia will sap all of your strength and I was impressed that Thor had lasted as long as he had … not surprised since he'd proven himself so many times before, but definitely impressed. I felt my t-shirt and it was already dry but my flannel was still damp so I left it to continue toasting. I dragged on my dry shirt and put on my gloves before sticking my hand outside and breaking off some of the icicles that were already forming. As ice storms went it didn't look like it was going to be too bad but it was going to be dark within an hour or so and I wanted some more grass collected and water boiled so that I wouldn't have to go out in the dark looking for it.

I left the bulk of the icicles piled immediately outside the mouth of the cave but brought the grass and two big icicles in, broke the ice into small chunks. I put the chunks into the pots from our mess kits to melt and then boil. I'd use one pot of water for rehydrating a dry soup mix I'd packed and the other for some warm Russian tea with the blend I used being more Russian than tea. I knew that Thor would want coffee but hypothermia and caffeine is a bad mix that can lead to a racing heart and worse. I'd save his coffee for in the morning on the off chance we were able to head home early in the day.

The smell of the soup eventually woke Thor back up. "Hey!" he said sleepily.

"Hey yourself Big Boy," I smiled back at him. "Ready for something warm to fill the hollow spaces with?"

Was he ever and as I suspected he wasn't too keen on the idea of not having his coffee but he only grumbled a little and not at me. After we ate I checked and our clothes were dry. I threw him his but he didn't put them on. "What are you doing?!"

"Acclimatizing myself."

"Acclima …!" I parked my hands on my hips and started tapping my foot. "Put some clothes on! If you want to acclimatize yourself then do it when I'm not worried about you catching your death of pneumonia. There's no telling if you got any of that river water in your lungs and …"

"You could always join me … keep me warm."

I looked and through the dancing light of the fire, sure enough he had that twinkle in his eyes. Well I wasn't one to enjoy wishfully thinking about missed opportunities, not to mention I was in need of a little comforting myself. The only thing I said was, "Careful of the bruise, it smarts."

I woke up to the feel of a horse nosing my hair. Thor groaned and asked where I was going and I told him it was either get up and put some more grass out for the horses or risk their displeasure. We both got up despite it was close enough to our regular bed time that it seemed kind of silly. Thor took care of the call of nature and I fed the horses and then followed his example. I came back into the cave to find Thor getting dressed.

"Enough acclimatizing?" I asked with a giggle.

He chuckled back. "That'll hold me for a while." As he buttoned his flannel he asked, "How far back does this go?"

"I don't know, I've had other things on my mind," I answered. To be honest I still did. Thor was still under par though he'd been trying to show me otherwise. I wasn't one hundred percent myself. I wasn't real enthusiastic about the idea of spelunking but I grabbed our ropes and my light that clipped to the brim of my baseball cap.

"And where do you think you're going?" Thor asked.

"The space back there disappears into blackness where the ceiling drops. You've already cracked your head once, I figure it is my turn next. If I can't get through back there you sure won't be able to. It'll just save us some time if I go first."

"I hate it when you make sense," he mouthed real sassy.

I grinned like I'd got one over on him but we were both just playing to kill time. I tied one end of the rope onto my waist and he tied off the other end onto his waist. The ceiling dropped down a couple of feet and was jagged so I was bent over and keeping an eye so that my head didn't bang anything. Unfortunately I should have also been watching my feet better. Suddenly my right foot came down expecting to meet solid ground and instead found air. The floor had fallen away but lucky for me when I fell it was only about two feet and not down some shaft.

"Oooooooo a ooooowwwwwww!"

"Rochelle!"

"I'm … oh Lord … I'm fine Thor. I just … ah geez … landed on my already bruised sitter."

"Ro – chelle," he ground out. "If you don't …"

"I told you, I'm okay. The ceiling doesn't just drop, the floor did too all of a sudden. Just a big step down but I missed it trying not to hit my head on anything. You should be … able … holy cow!"

A snarled, "You realize I'm having a heart attack here woman …right?!"

"This is too hard to explain. Tie the line off on something and then follow it back. I'm in a small alcove or room. I mean seriously … someone turned this into a room."

It was less than two minutes before Thor joined me. We were able to stand up in the room but he only had a couple of inches to spare. He couldn't have even stood on tiptoe without bashing his head. Because of this, and the fact of what we were seeing was so strange, we moved slowly around the room.

With only the light that came from my brim light and his wind up lantern we saw a metal frame sat in the corner on which was suspended a hammock. A strip of wooden pegs had been hung along one side of the room and there were two shaker style chairs hanging on them as well as a small, folding table. An old pot belly stove sat in another corner but the stove piping wasn't hooked up, it lay in a pile beside it. On another wall there was another set of pegs and from them hung some snow shoes, a fishing pole, and a couple of kerosene lanterns. The strangest thing however was a bunch of metal coffee cans that were piled deep and high against the last wall.

"Those aren't coffee cans Hon," Thor told me when I asked the obvious question.

"They sure look like it; old metal coffee cans before they went to the all plastic ones when they mandated only the plastic ones were still allowed when I was little. Dad has a bunch out in the barn that he would throw nails and screws into."

Thor picked one up and shook it. Sure didn't sound like it had coffee in it. Instead of the shooshing noise ground coffee made it rattled a little like small marbles.

"Look around for a can opener." We couldn't find one so Thor used his multi-tool. Looking inside Thor said, "That old man."

"Who? Uncle Bentley?"

He handed me the can and while I looked inside it Thor said, "Hon, it looks like he was fixing himself up a retreat or hideout. I don't think he was finished with it though. Or … possibly he was in the process of dismantling it."

"Why do you …? Oh." Thor was looking at spots on the floor that looked like they'd held more of the cans at one point and another place that something else with four legs had once sat. Looking more closely I realized there was other evidence of more having been in the room at one time.

About that moment there was a loud cough from back near the fire. "Rocky girl? That you?"

"Mr. Dink!"

Thor and I scrambled back the way we had come and my jaw dropped. It was Mr. Dink all right but there was a woman with him.

"Mind if we share your fire? It's more than a bit cold out tonight."

I said "of course" while Thor got some more wood to put on the fire. I got another few mugs of tea warmed up and Mr. Dink pulled two speckleware mugs out of his pack.

"This here's Louise. She don't talk much but she's a good cook."

I looked over just in time to see the older woman blush in pleasure before ducking her head.

"Our base camp got burned over by the fire and I was heading to the farm when I spied the door there," he said nodding his head towards the horse blankets. "Stuck my head in and then heard your voices. This one of the Griffey boy's play houses?"

I looked at Thor who in turn asked, "He had more than one?"

"Oh yeah. He claimed territory all over these mountains like he owned 'em or sumpin'. He tried to take all the choice spots until some of us started gettin' fed up and dismantling 'em as fast as he could put 'em together. He finally got it through his head and kept 'em down to a reasonable number and didn't fuss too much when one of us had to use 'em in an emergency so long as we cleaned up before we left."

I asked, "By 'us' you mean the other men of the mountain?"

"Yeah … and the tramps and such that would go off and try and become one of us. Some would stay, some would die, most went on someplace else or back where they come from. The life ain't for everyone. Louise here…" He stopped when she shook her head. "Aw, ain't nothin' ter be ashamed of. Weren't yer fault. Times is hard and who woulda wanted to be stuck in an old folks home anyway? Just so yer kids could say they did all they could fur ya?" He turned back to us. "Better to live and die free than to be forced into one o' them places you just wait around to die. Buck and yer ma understood that. They never made the old ladies go even when everyone else told 'em it would have been easier on them if they had."

I shook my head. "No. Dad would never have let the Grandmothers go to a nursing home unless they had wanted it themselves. That would have killed them faster than old age did."

Mr. Dink looked at Miz Louise and said, "See. Told ya she had sense. If sumpin' ever happens to me you come to Rocky … and the big 'un is named Thor. They'll take care of ye."

"Yes ma'am," I said. After a quick glance at Thor I said, "Ya'll are welcome to the cabin if you'd like."

I expected a fuss but Mr. Dink surprised me. "Well that's right neighborly but we're heading for the old stone house what sits off the river. You know the one?" At my nod he said, "Louise is used ter things being a might … er … cleaner than an old bachelor like me let 'em go to. Know the fireplace is sound as I've used it a time or two this past year. Fix the rotten places on the door and put new glass in the winders and it'll be a right nice and tight little place. Not too far from the river that we cain't have a fresh fish for our dinner when we aim to and that little spring that's close by will do for drinking water."

That was so out of character from the man I had known my whole life that my thoughts must have shown on my face. "Louise here … she's a good ol' girl but she cain't survive in this forest on her own all the time. She don't fuss when I feel the urge to go tramping but with her around I don't feel the old urge so much. Settling down into one or two spots seems like it might be just fine." He laughed as my mouth only fell open more. "Reckon Thor here told yer what I said." I swung around to look at Thor who gave me blank face and I remembered he'd put me off so many times I'd actually forgotten to ask what Mr. Dink had said last time he'd been at the farm. "I dreamed my old life was going to end. Took it to mean my life was going to end period since I couldn't imagine any other kind o' life. But God has sumpin' different in mind. He sent Louise ter me."

A whispered "Or you to me" was the first words I'd heard from the lady.

"Yup, or that. Either way, looks like He thinks it's time fur me ter try something new. He shore do know how to keep life interesting, I tell you that. Who woulda thunk at my age I'd find me a Cindyrelly."

Miz Louise ducked her head again but I saw she was also smiling. I was trying to put my teeth back in my mouth when Thor asked Mr. Dink if he would mind taking a look at what we found and see what he thought of it.

When they came back up Mr. Dink said, "See Louise, God does provide."

The four of us finally settled down and slept deeply. It was late and the day had truly taken its toll. Tomorrow was another day and I tried to remain as sure as Mr. Dink did about God's provision. There just always seemed to be a problem of some type to face and the coming days of winter I knew would be no exception.


	82. Chapter 82

Chapter 82

I woke up as Thor stirred and sat up gingerly wincing at what I knew would be a spreading rainbow on my hip … a spreading, painful rainbow. In deference to our company there was no mushy morning stuff but he did run his hand up my arm and ask me quietly if I was OK when he noticed my wince.

"I will be as soon as I limber up," I whispered back.

Mr. Dink was awake as well and told Miz Louise, "Stay under the covers Cindyrelly. Let me get this here fire going to warms things up. The sun ain't rizz yet and there's hoarfrost on the blankets telling me it's too cold to move out just yet."

Sure enough as Thor and I went out to take care of our morning ablutions the blanket crackled and the grass snapped. I was more than happy to get back in the cave where the fire was warming things back up. Thor had been quicker than I and when I came back in he was returning from the back of the cave. "If you bring in some of those icicles I'll take my turn at breakfast."

"What's in that one?" I asked.

"Quick oats to go with those blueberries," he said nodding his chin towards the other can we had opened the day before.

"Did you get lucky or did you figure out how they're labeled?"

He turned the bottom of the can towards me when he got closer to the fire and in small, fading handwritten print was the contents and a date. "I tipped a couple over and the dates average between five and ten years ago."

I sat back on my heels and then looked at Mr. Dink who nodded. Turning back to Thor I said, "That's about when Aunt Bettie Sue … died."

Mr. Dink added, "The Griffey boy got passing strange there for a while. Acted guilty and nervous over the fact she was on that winding road all on her own. It weren't until that other brother of his died – that one that were so fond of Bettie – that he seemed to come to hisself though he never were quite the same after that."

I didn't say anything. Uncle Bentley was dead; let his deeds got to the grave with him. The urge to cough caught me off guard. I stepped to the cave opening and spat a wad of phlegm. Thor asked, "Get a face full of smoke?"

I shrugged. It wasn't the smoke. I'd woken up with a tight chest but there was nothing to be done about it and easier to say nothing than to worry Thor and activate his occasionally overprotective streak. The warm oatmeal helped to break up what the cough hadn't and I felt some relief.

As the sun rose a relatively warm rain began to fall; not hard but enough to melt all of the ice and give greater assurance that a major forest fire had been averted. All through breakfast and afterwards Mr. Dink kept getting up and standing at the cave entrance before sitting back down again until finally Miz Louise whispered, "I can do it."

He shook his head, "A break at our age is nothing to fool with and them boots you're wearing ain't broke in yet."

A pointed conversation ensued that resulted in them traveling with us to their destination. We put Miz Louise up on one of the horses and loaded a bunch of the large cans into tote sacks on the other horse. Thor and I loaded more cans into our packs and Mr. Dink put some in a sling he wore across his back. We put a dent in the supply of cans in the cave, but not a big one. We hid the entrance to the cave before we left and covered our tracks then slowly made our way home.

"Mr. Dink …"

"Rocky Girl, I've got my mind set. We need to take advantage of the warm weather while we have it. And besides we're still honeymoonin' and don't want to embarrass you youngins." Well that certainly put a period to that conversation. I saw Thor's grin and was compelled, despite my concerns and growing fatigue, to smile as well. The idea of a honeymooning Mr. Dink was fairly awesome and I wished fervently that my parents had been around to see it.

The Stone House was really old and built of smooth river rocks. No one was sure just how old it was but it showed up on many of the really old surveyor maps for the area as a known landmark. Not even my grandmothers – despite their knowledge of local history – knew who built it though it was likely some relative of mine since it was located between the acreage that had been in my father's family since the area had been settled and the land that had been owned by the mother's family who had been in the area just as long though both had changed surnames more than once. It was a rarity for this area because it had a slate roof over ancient beams. My family had been forced to repair the slate roof a few times but only once every couple of generations. Our venture crew had done it a few years ago so it would last well beyond my lifetime unless something fell on it like a tree.

The fireplace was made of local granite and large though not as big as the one in the old summer kitchen between the cabin and the kitchen garden. You could roast a decent sized pig on the spits in that one. The front door was a single slab of thick oak so old it was practically petrified. It had a couple of bad places in it where some hikers had vandalized it before I was born trying to break in but it was still more than serviceable and would keep out most of what would want to come in without permission. The one weakness was the flooring inside and on the wide covered porch.

The flooring had been rotted badly around the edges of the room when my father's uncle replaced it with a puncheon floor of pine. Even with no wood-to-ground contact the floor and porch had not stood the test of time. He had also planked over the old root cellar.

We spoke of what we could do to fix things which made the trip seem to fly by despite how carefully we were forced to travel due to mud and Miz Louise's lack of horseback experience. We got them set up and made sure they had at least three days of wood and promised to bring a wagon load as soon as we could. We also filled several containers of water and helped to cover the window that had several panes of glass missing.

We left the honeymooners and finished our own trek home. I was anxious and worried about what I would find there and could hardly wait to get through the gate. It was so silent that I nearly started crying before prying the barn door open and then nearly started crying at how good God had been. The chickens complained as the cold air blustered in, the cow and steer looked at me like I'd committed a rude gesture. I had to coax Lady but only a moment before she turned into one happy pup. The cats – or at least Barney – were glad enough to rub Thor's leg before sauntering off to do whatever cats do in their spare time.

I was feeling chilled but there were chores to do. Luckily for me I was not alone but even with both of us working it was nearly time to start dinner before we made it inside. By that time I was stiff with cold.

We went into the house and Thor said, "I'm going to check the radio on the off chance Hefling is still on schedule."

I followed him to the basement and as soon as we fired up the batteries and turned the radio on we heard Mr. Hefling's voice. When Thor responded with a pre-designated code word the yells coming out of our radio were so loud Thor and I winced.

Needless to say there was relief but due to communication limitations not much could pass between us except assurances on both sides that all was well. Stro said that he would make contact the next day and we shut down the radio after that.

"Well, the seven dwarfs seem to be happy that Snow White is home safe and sound," Thor grinned caught halfway between appreciation at their concern and irritation at the number of concerned young men.

I threw a pillow at him and said, "So Snow, how do you like the attention?"

"Hah! It's you they're sniffing around." He was trying to joke but I heard something else underneath it. He saw me notice and then he shook his head. "Ignore me. I trust you, I just keep running into the fact that you had a life before I came along."

"Yeah, well I love you and you're my life now so get over it. I didn't ask you to dump your crew; if you had chosen to stay I would have stayed with you where ever you went. But since you did decide to come with me here, don't ask me to dump my old crew when they could prove useful to our ability to make a successful go of it here." I wasn't angry but I wasn't in the mood to be gentle either. I climbed the stairs to the kitchen with Thor on my heels.

"What are you doing?" Thor asked when he saw me putting the big kettle on the lit stove.

"Bath water," I said tiredly.

"You OK Hon?"

"Just tired of being cold."

"Sure that's all?"

Suddenly feeling everything that had happened I asked, "After yesterday that's enough doncha think?"

He came over and took the jar of chicken soup out of my hand that I had removed from the cabinet. "Look at me." After searching my face he sighed. "It's not me you're upset with. It's this whole situation. It's been harder on you than you've been letting on." It was a statement, not a question.

I turned and picked the jar back up and proceeded to fix dinner. "I can't stand it when people don't get along. No … I hate it. I understand it happens, of course it does, look what we went through when we were trying to get together … it just seems unnecessary when life is already so hard. And … and this finding out this … dark side or whatever lived inside people I thought I knew …" I shrugged, not able to find the exact words I wanted to express how I felt.

But Thor summed it up for me. "You feel betrayed."

I looked at him, startled that he understood.

"Hon, I've been there. People I thought I knew, people I trusted to cover my back, slid a knife between my ribs instead both figuratively and literally. A company I thought would be there and back me up … wasn't. Even a government – a people – I served with my life on the line spit on the necessity of what I did. You … learn I guess you could say. Learn who you can trust and when and under what circumstances you can't. You also learn that everyone has a dark side, just not everyone acts on it."

A little impatiently I said, "I know that. Don't forget the kind of stuff I've grown up facing."

He nodded, "I haven't … but I think you have. You wanted … no Hon just listen … you wanted all of that stuff to die with the death of our modern age. You … for lack of a better word you romanticized your home town and the people in it. But just because the modern age has died doesn't mean the people's personalities rebooted to something gentler and kinder than they were before."

I was stirring the pot with my back to him. I was listening even if I didn't seem like it. He gave me a hug from behind. "Hon, these are the same people they were before it's just the circumstances have exaggerated both their good attributes and their flaws. War is always like that."

I said hesitantly, "I suppose it has been a type of war … everything that has happened." I sighed but it wasn't just a sigh unfortunately. There was a very audible wheeze underneath.

"What was that?!" Thor asked.

I cleared my throat and said, "Just some phlegm."

"Ro-chelle."

"Don't start."

'Round and 'round we went but I wasn't winning the battle. It seemed like it only took moments before I found myself in a bath of hot water with eucalyptus drops in it, then dried and stuffed into a flannel nightie, and finally tucked into a wing back chair near the stove with a supersized hand shoving a bowl of chicken soup in my face.

"Thor, chill … I'm not made of glass, I won't break."

"Uh huh. Next time my chest sounds like that I'll remind you of what you said when you want to tie me to the bed, stick a funnel in my mouth, and pump me full of whatever noxious tea is at hand."

I coughed and said, "Hey, have you been reading my diary to find out what my fantasies are?"

"Ha … ha … ha. Seriously, your feet come off that stool and …"

I didn't hear the rest of it because I started coughing again and in earnest that time. Every cough seemed to take a little bit more energy out of me.

He declared, "As soon as I get the room and bed warmed you're going upstairs."

"OK. But do me a favor and help me make some coltsfoot tea first."

"Another one of your teas?" he asked with flaring nostrils.

"Yes, another one of my teas. I can't use much of this one because it has alkaloids in it but a short term consumption at the concentration I'll be making it …"

"Rochelle …" he gave a warning growl.

"Relax Thor, I wouldn't take it if it wasn't safe. I just want to kick this stuff in my chest before it really does turn into something. Winter colds are miserable."


	83. Chapter 83

Chapter 83

I was still coughing the next morning but mostly knocking the stuff loose and able to spit it out. It was disgusting but much better than the alternative. I wasn't hungry but since I didn't have any real fever to speak of Thor insisted that I at least eat a scrambled egg and a piece of toasted bread.

I was dozing in the chair by the stove when Lady let out a sound that was half way between a bark and a bay. Thor had been cleaning our guns at the kitchen table and we both jumped about three feet. He pushed me back into the chair as he flew up to check on what had set her off. He was peeking out a window on the front of the house when he started laughing. He opened the door and stepped out but I still heard him holler, "Need some help?"

I was still trying to slide my shoes and jacket on to see what was happening when he came back inside followed by Stro whose hair was standing up in every direction. Thor was still chuckling as he picked me up and sat me back in the chair. They'd brought cold air in with them and though I was dressed I started dragging the heavy quilt back over me.

I tried to respond to Thor's, "You up for company?" but the cold air finally hit my lungs and I started coughing again.

"Wow, she does sound bad," Stro said in surprise.

The look I gave them both would have peeled paint if they'd been the sides of buildings. "Knock it off. What's wrong to bring you out here?"

"Nothing that won't keep if you're really sick," he said looking at Thor for some help.

"I swun I'm gonna throw a table at you two. I'm not made out of spun sugar. I won't melt. And for your information my brain isn't made of mush. I may not be up for another repeat of the last couple of days but …"

Thor and Stro raised their hands in mock surrender, "All right, all right. Man Rocky, don't get your tights in a twist."

"Sorry," I grumped. "I just don't like being sick."

"Ha! Like I'm supposed to be surprised by that." He turned to Thor. "If she ever really gets sick you better have some flame retardant long johns because she'll toast your tail for sure."

Thor smiled and said, "Found that out already. Want some coffee?"

"Are you serious? I'd like to take that cup back for Dad instead if it won't put you out, but I wouldn't just go around talking about coffee casual like. I'm as fond of it as the next person but there's a couple around the area that swears they would kill for a cup and knowing 'em I'm not too sure they're just joking about it."

While Thor poured him a cup, Stro got introduced to Lady. She agreed he wasn't a danger but she never completely warmed up to him either, preferring to watch him from under the chair I was sitting in. Like most southern conversations hello's and how-de-do's were exchanged before the main topic was gotten around to. "Dad is pretty anxious to hear how you made it. He and Coach were really relieved to find out that it had been the weather and not the fire that delayed you. Granny C is gonna want to know what you're doing for that cough too so you might as well write it down for me."

I rolled my eyes but reached into the junk drawer and pulled out a notepad and pencil. Thor asked, "Were we the only ones that had a hard time getting home?"

"No, but you were the only ones that didn't make it to a house. I've gotten stuck out in an ice storm before, it's a wonder you didn't freeze."

I coughed before saying, "Fit in one of those alcoves for protection. It did for us well enough."

Thor's face remained innocently placid but he came over in the guise of putting the coffee pot back on the warming tray and patted my shoulder approvingly. He asked, "Had any more trouble from any of those in Kemper's camp?"

"Uh uh. Fire run most of 'em in the opposite direction from what we can tell. Did have a few locals try to return to the fold so to speak but their family is deciding what to do with 'em, none of our business unless they start trouble with us."

To change the subject I asked him, "What were you laughing at anyway?" And then looking at Stro I asked, "What did you need help with? And how did you get mud all the way up in your hair?"

Stro rolled his eyes and Thor chuckled again. Stro snorted then said, "If you think this is bad you should see my coveralls and hat that I left in the vestibule." But then Stro added his chuckle to Thor's. "But then again trying to run three hogs through the muddy forest on lead ropes doesn't exactly make for easy traveling."

"Hogs?!" I yelped and then had to cough again.

At my point Thor handed me my cup of mint and honey tea – I'd coughed so much my throat had gotten irritated – and I drank a few more sips as Stro explained, "We think the fire drove 'em down from the ridge. We woke up with 'em banging around in one of the sheds and making enough noise to wake the dead. Knocked one of Dad's ratchet sets all over the floor, whole set of wrenches came off the wall too. And they knocked over a trashcan we had the dog's extra kibble in and they were going to town. I don't know who was angrier, Dad or the dogs. Granny C had a good laugh at it and then started shoutin' orders. We've got most of 'em quarantined from the rest of ours but Granny said to bring those three to you since I was coming this way. She said if you don't have the feed you can rake together some acorns and stuff like that and it'll get 'em through the winter until you can on fodder and garden scraps in the spring."

I nodded then had a thought, "I'm sure we appreciate it but there has to be folks worse off than we are, though we'd be grateful if you didn't say anything to the others."

"Nah, don't sweat it. The folks with sense know your family has always took care of themselves and made do. My family is the same and there's several more that are the same … us, Coach's family, the Lindenhalls, Sand's people, a few others like that. Then there are the folks like Jimmy Ray's family that mostly have it together but are gonna have to get used to not having all the modern stuff to help 'em through."

Thor asked something that I'd been meaning to ask since we'd gotten back but almost been afraid to. "How many people are left in this area, just the ones that we've seen?"

"Lord no. Dad figures there's as many as five hundred people between here and Taylor's Valley … maybe more … it's just that they're all spread out. Ask Rocky, there's families that go up into the mountains and only come down a couple of times a year to restock. Kemper's group was the most organized … or well that's not exactly what I mean; more like that was the biggest number all concentrated together. Some of us have talked about what this winter is going to do to folks. And Rocky, you may not agree with what was decided but you haven't been here and while me and the guys will listen to you it may take a while for the others to." He glanced briefly at Thor.

I said, "In other words that just like before, they'd be more likely to listen to Thor than that strange Charbonneau girl."

"Aw Rocky …"

I shook my head. "It's all right Stro. I've explained to Thor how things were. To be honest … I didn't expect it but I know I should have."

Stro had the look of a person that wanted to deny the truth but couldn't. "Not everyone is like that and … to be honest Sand has said that people would be stupid to keep acting like that, especially with Thor here around. Your dad was a good man Rocky but he didn't like fighting so avoided it by keeping you home as much as he could. They fought in different ways than out in the open. When you wanted to do something he or your ma would head it up to give you a chance, to make it safe for you. All except for football, that's the one thing you did on your own. And in the end you know how that turned out."

"Yeah, a lot of good things happened and I made some great friends." Stro smiled a little and we bumped fists. "But Stro, I never pretended to be anything other than a girl. I never figured I'd go to college on a football scholarship or play in the pros like some of you guys dreamed of. It hurt to get sidelined but it didn't kill me. I always knew my life would change."

He mumbled, "Don't reckon any of us figured that our lives would change this much though."

"No. That's a certainty," I agreed. "So what was this decision you were talking about?"

"What it boils down to is the resources are going to the folks that are most likely to use 'em best and hold 'em longest."

Thor asked, "Survival of the fittest?"

"Yes … and no. It's just ... look, it sounds bad but like I said, we've been over this and over this and if you'll let me explain I think you'll understand." At our cautious nods he started. "You already know about the riots and how many people we lost and the sickness. Resources got used up. Everyone kept wanting to believe that someone would show up and make things right. Even Dad had a hard time believing what was happening at first. Mom … Mom absolutely refused to accept that FEMA or the National Guard or the military weren't going to come riding in like the cavalry. Believe it or not there are still people like that; the ones that check the tv and the light switches every morning. There aren't many of them left but there are still some. Thankfully most of them have either left or … or gone on."

Thor said, "You mean died."

"Yeah, pretty much. Those of us that are left … like I said, you got some good ones and then, some variety of others. We don't know yet how Kemper's death is going to affect things. But the bottom line is there is only so much … stuff left to go around until we can plant again in the spring and after that it is probably only going to get worse for a while. Those of us strong enough will last through the winter. For some though it isn't going to matter how much stuff they have, they aren't going to make it. We … all of us … are trying to keep the strong strong so that come spring we'll still be strong and can plant the bigger fields, help the weaker families that are just holding on. Most of us that qualify as strong have been fighting from the beginning to survive. There is … I don't know exactly, but Granny said that folks are entitled to keep what they've worked for and earned and that charity should be willing and not at the cost of the whole kit and caboodle as she put it."

Thor seemed to understand more than I did. "You're talking about triage. The ones that can be helped best are helped first and the more help it is going to take the further towards the end of the line for resources."

Stro shrugged, "Yeah, Dad might have called it that." He looked at me and saw the face I was making. "Rocky, please understand. None of us like it either … well, most of us don't like it. We're saving what we can so that come spring we can help out those that have been able to pull through."

"You could help everyone a little and …"

"No. That's the thing Rocky, we can't. We just can't help everyone. We tried, it didn't work. We planned it out on paper six ways from Sunday. Those of us that were breaking our backs to make a go of it this summer couldn't keep helping those that weren't helping themselves and be able to keep our own fed at the same time. We encouraged families to move in together and try and cut some of the work load but you know how that goes. It's never a good idea unless it's their idea first."

I was trying not to be judgmental but all I could say was, "You're right, I wasn't here, I wasn't walking in your shoes. Just don't ask me to stand by and watch some little kid or older folks starve because they can't take care of themselves."

"And we didn't either … when they'd let us help. But I'll be honest, there ain't that many like that left. They were the weakest and they were the first to go. Specially if they were on medications. Someone in a family would die and then before you knew it the kids had been taken in or someone had fetched the elderly and moved 'em in. It's mostly worked out. There's been some abuse … kids used as free labor … but it don't last long once the word gets out. But in the end, we've all just been stretched so thin we had to make the hard choices."

I asked, a little angrily, "Then why bring those hogs to us?!"

"Because nobody is a fool. First off you and Thor … man, I don't think you know what the two of you look like together. Next, you didn't come in here trying to take over or bringing an army with you or anything. And you … you ain't tried to take revenge on anyone for the way you got treated. Lotta people were actually scared when they heard you were back in town … 'cause even you ain't bothered to remember how some treated you others have. Our bunch, we know what you can do and we want you on our team and it looks like we get two for the price of one with the Thor here."

Thor asked, "Did your father send you here to persuade us?"

"No but Sand suggested I explain things so that you two didn't feel you were being used or that we expected you to join in on a plan you didn't have a hand in making. Just think on it. I'm not the brightest crayon in the box so I might have not gotten it out right. Make a list of questions and ask Sand or Coach, they know how to answer without creating more questions. None of us is trying to tell you what to do or how to run your own business. We just … look, things are bad enough … we don't want hard feelings between anybody. It's just been awful difficult trying to get organized and we're playing catch up. We want to try and organize some salvaging parties to go through the town. The people who participate share in what is gathered up, those that don't help … don't get."

Thor asked one last question, "Of those five hundred you mentioned, any of them really a threat to Rochelle?"

"Honestly? If things were different I could name a few but things being what they are they don't have time to do much more than survive from day to day. I'd be more worried about a general jealousy for what you have here than anything specific to do with Rocky."

As they talked about people that I knew I just couldn't seem to drum up any real interest in it. The whole triage thing had thrown me for a loop and it gave me unpleasant things to think about. I'd also coughed a lot during the night and as a result hadn't slept well. The tea and the warmth from the fire had me drifting. The quilt must have slipped because the next thing I really remember is Thor pulling it up and saying, "Hey … Stro's going with me to haul some wood."

I croaked, "That's my job."

"Your job is to get rid of this cough. You want me to light the fire upstairs?"

"No, waste of wood."

He nodded, "We'll be gone most of the rest of the day. We'll take a load to Mr. Dink, a wagonload to his place, and then we'll bring back a load for us."

"Good. That way we don't owe for them hogs," I said relieved.

"Thought so myself. Don't try and fix dinner …"

"Don't mother hen me. I'm just tired, not fragile."

He cocked his eyebrow and said, "You want me to tie you to that bed woman?"

"Promises, promises," I said on a tired laugh.

We both heard a muttered, "Geez" from Stro so we laid off the mushy stuff. When Stro went outside to put his coveralls back on Thor got real serious. "Anyone besides Strother know how to get to the farm? What about his dad or Lawson?"

Trying to focus I said, "Lawson's been here but never on foot and never by himself. Mr. Hefling has been here but not on foot and … I … I don't think since the forestry service shifted that road. Coach is married to some kind of shirt tail cousin to Mom so he's been to that side where the orchard is but it's probably been years. Sand, Johnson, and Sarah of course but …" My head was really starting to hurt.

"What I'm asking is should I worry about someone just showing up while I'm gone."

"Huh? No … I doubt it. Stro probably had to start before daylight to walk all this way even taking the short cuts. I don't think any of the others would bother … well maybe Sand but he's likely got his hands full with Sarah."

Stro had walked back to the kitchen and snorted a laugh before saying, "That there is a mouthful if there ever was one. Whoooeeee didn't she lay into us all when she found out what we'd gone planning to do. She'll keep Sand and Johnson close for a while if she has her way … and she normally does. Hey Rocky … uh Thor she don't look too good." He added that worriedly.

"Then I look about like I feel right now. It's the tea. I need to sleep. Go. I'll be fine. Lock the door. Take that jar of stew to the Honeymooners. But put a pan of water for Lady before …" I was already curled up in the chair and just wanted to sleep off the sick.

The last thing I vaguely remember is Thor tucking the quilt around me and banking the fire in the stove. Then there was a long quiet time. After that Lady started howling but I couldn't seem to care too much then came some muffled voices and I was being picked up and carried and then laid someplace soft.


	84. Chapter 84

Chapter 84

"I shouldn't have left her," growled a voice quietly.

"Boy, I've heard you sing that song until I'm down right tired of it. Now sit and put some food in that body of yours or when Rocky wakes up she is going to be highly perturbed," said an older woman in a kind but firm tone.

"Her name is Rochelle … Ro-Chelle. You all treat her like … like I don't know what. But she isn't some …"

"Now you listen to me, what we call that child is what she has always been called and she's never seemed to mind it. In fact you're the only one that has ever been able to call her Rochelle without receiving what for. It's a name, that's all, and one she has done proud. My own sister was called Fred or Junior by everyone, including our father and grandparents. She hated the name our mother gave her … Frederica. She just plum wouldn't answer to it from the time she was little enough to have an opinion, wanted to get our daddy's notice so insisted people call her Fred like him, or if he was around people would call her Junior. Wasn't nothing spiteful to it, just was the way it was. And you know that there is nothing spiteful about calling her Rocky, you're just upset 'tis all."

A rumbly grumbly sound was the only response I remember hearing. Then some more time passed.

"It's been three days." This time the voice sounded cracked, lifeless.

"Aye, it has. I can count same as you. And aye, it's … worrying … but she's been trying to respond nearly ever' time you've called her. You ain't let that poor child go more than an hour without trying to wake her up. Look there, even now she hears you and is trying … Sit her up quick boy. I think she is trying to cough that stuff up this time."

In fact that is exactly what I was trying to do. It took me most of the rest of that day but it must have finally broken free because all I seemed to do was gag on crud that I was coughing up. And thirsty … it seemed like I could have drunk the North Fork dry.

"Rochelle if you ever … ever … scare me like that again …"

I was too tired to do much more than pat his hand but it made Granny C and Miz Louise smile. They stayed about half of the fourth day and then Stro fetched Granny C and Miz Louise went back with Mr. Dink who'd been a shadow in the house as well when he could stand to be inside. Right after they left we had a pretty intense snow storm but it kept everything quiet and company away though there were questions every evening when Mr. Hefling and Thor exchanged messages on the radio. I was finally able to get up and move around but I still felt like a newborn colt … all knobby knees on legs that didn't want to do what I told them to.

It had been an upper respiratory infection brought on by stress, fatigue, and finally the dunk in the river followed by a night in the cave. It wasn't exactly unheard of for something like that to happen but I felt somehow weak and embarrassed that it had happened to me.

"I told you I don't want to hear it," Thor said when I tried again to say I was sorry for causing a fuss.

"Thor …"

"No. I don't know what I would have done if Ms. Hefling hadn't wanted to check on you when Stro and I brought that load of wood back here. I hadn't even set the brake on the wagon when I knew something wasn't right; Lady was howling fit to bring down the house."

"Where is she? I remember she was here. You and Granny C kept telling her to stay out of my face. Her nose was cold in my ear."

"I finally managed to get her to stay in the barn for a little while. First she was throwing a fit when I was trying to get you up to bed, tripping me, tripping over her own ears and feet. Then every time I tried to put her out of the room she would start howling again. I literally had to pick her up and stand outside with her to make her take care of business and she all but took down the door when she was finished and wanted back in. Miz Louise told me I was fighting a losing battle and to just let the pup stay on the bed where she could see you."

Distracted I asked, "Miz Louise talked?"

He was lying beside me on the bed, stroking my hair. "Uh huh. She still doesn't talk much but she does talk."

"Are she and Mr. Dink managing?"

"Uh huh. Strother, Sand, Johnson, and Lawson and a couple of other men that know Mr. Dink came by one day and helped to get some of the most important repairs finished on the Stone House, including opening up the root cellar. I saw it when I took Miz Louise home. Did you know she was a nurse for almost fifty years?"

"No. I kind of remember … something … but …" I stopped because my head still felt sore and tender from the high fever I had run, like I had a sunburn on my scalp that went all the way to my brain. Then something else struck me. "Who all did you say was there to help?!"

"Easy, don't get yourself worked up. Strother and Sand insisted on taking the road from what Sand called the old Darnall place."

"My maternal grandparents farm."

"That's what I gathered. It was shorter for them to do it plus it kept them off of the main road to the farm here. And before you ask, they didn't go by the orchards either and Sand said he doesn't even think anyone thought about the old orchards being anywhere near."

Still distressed I asked, "What choice do I have? I suppose we couldn't stay hidden forever, not if people are going to start to branch out and … wait, I remember Stro said they were going to start salvaging in town … Ohhhh, I can't just lay here like this. We've got to …"

"You're going to lay there just like this," he said putting an arm across me to keep me from trying to sit up. "Granny C gave me permission … even encouraged me … to tie you down if you try and get up to anything for another week."

"But Thor …"

He carefully pulled me into his arms. The reason he was careful is because I was so sore the rest of me felt as tender as my head did. "No 'but Thor' will get you out of this one. Hon you were sick … sicker than you were last time. Mr. Dink said your lungs were your weak spot. Why didn't you tell me that?"

I sighed, "Because the last couple of years it hasn't been so bad … not at all like when I was little. So what if I get sick a couple of times a year, so did every other kid I knew. And I'm not stupid; I know what is good for me and what isn't. I don't take unnecessary chances. And when I do start to get sick I know what to do about it. It just got away from me this time. You want me to start telling you that you can't carry a knife or gun because someone might expect you to fight? That you can't get into a boat 'cause you might get seasick again? Don't ask me to stop working or going with you places because I might catch a cold."

Completely flabbergasted Thor said, "That is the worst piece of female logic I've ever heard. You honestly expect me to …"

"Unless you want to eat burnt cornbread and underdone beans for the rest of your life that is exactly what I expect. You'll kill me faster trying to cage me than just letting me go and allowing me to use my common sense. As much as people seem to think I longed to be 'just a normal person' the fact is I never did, not really. If the only real weakness I've got from being a GWB – I mean besides the same human ones as everyone else – is the occasional run in with a chest cold then I'm fine. To me I am normal. Didn't I come all the way across the country – some of it by myself – without acting like a glass ballerina in an eggshell music box?"

Thor was obviously frustrated. "Well … don't expect me to just get over this because you say so." He drug me as physically close as he could without actually smothering both of us. I could tell he wanted to say something else but the words just didn't seem adequate.

I told him, "I'm not saying that you can't pamper me on occasion." Only my voice was all nasally from my nose being pushed into his chest. The sound of it caught us both off guard and for some unaccountable reason we both laughed.

"You're a mess girl. How can I possibly be laughing at a time like this?"

"Because it is at times like this that laughter is what saves us. And because you … you love me just … just the way I am?"

He murmured "no fair" in my hair and then held me for a moment.

Feeling it was either push the advantage now or have to battle a gilded cage for much longer I said, "How's this? I promise to not take unnecessary chances and when life happens I promise to address it as soon as possible. You on the other hand promise not to expect me to sit around with my feet parked up on some little poof cushion like I'm too good to work. I'll eat right, take care of myself, and I'll go back to making sure I get enough aerobic exercise to strengthen my lungs. OK?"

"Aerobics? Like I get to watch you climb into some skimpy little outfit and bounce around?" he leered.

I pushed back out of his arms. "You're insatiable. No … well I suppose I could just to give you a charge every once in a while … but basically it just means upping my heart rate for at least twenty minutes per session. It works on lung capacity and heart health. I have a trail that takes about thirty minutes to walk … level at first then it goes very steep ascent for about half a mile and then a more gradual descent. It's gotten overgrown but I used to hike it once a week … it's that trail behind the storage barn. During football season I would run it almost every day."

He shook himself and then kissed the top of my head. Finally he sighed and said, "I know that you don't like it when … when I treat you …"

I had him help me sit up and as I did I asked, "Like a real live girl? I've learned to live with it but too much of a good thing is still too much." I patted his chest and continued, "Thor let's just get passed this. I'm not normally a frail or fragile person and … and I really don't like this at all. I'm trying not to be cranky. I'll admit I like the attention you're giving me … but I prefer to get it as an equal and not because you suddenly don't feel like I can pull my own weight."

"Now who said that is how I felt? Did I say that?"

I admitted, "No. But that's what it boils down to." In the end he gave in but I also did my part by using that common sense I claimed to have. After the snow cleared I stayed home for the rest of the week and played the dutiful and obedient wife for a few days while Thor went off with work crews to salvage in the town.

I say played the part because on the inside I was cutting up a ruckus. I felt so angry at what I felt was the unfairness of it all that I'd get the shakes … but never when Thor was around. My temper could be as oversized as the rest of me but like Dad raised me, my attitude was my responsibility and other folks didn't deserve to be hurt by it. The issue of submitting to my husband was going to be one that challenged me. I knew that there was a balance to be found between husbands and wives but Thor and I were still new enough at it that I wasn't exactly submitting because I really wanted to or was comfortable with it, more because I knew it was the right thing to do.

I trusted Thor and respected him which went a long way towards helping me but I was used to being my own boss and there were very few people I'd ever given any say over me. At the top of that short list had been my father. But obeying Dad had been easy based on a life time of habit. Letting Thor have that same position in my life was like learning to trust him all over again in a completely different way. I had to learn that submitting wasn't bondage but respect. If I could trust that Thor wouldn't break my trust and would in turn respect me – all of me – then we'd have an easier go of it. For me though, that was a hard place to reach even though I loved Thor with every fiber of my being.

It didn't help that reality slapped me in the face with the fact that I was in no fit condition to be out and about in the cold for the first few days I was holed up feeling sorry for myself. I was tired and weak and every time I over exerted myself I only got more tired and weaker. Eventually I did stop feeling sorry for myself and pouting that I couldn't go play with the big boys but it took some effort on my part. I looked around and realized that there were a lot of things I could do here in the house.

I finally and forever put most of my parents' personal items away after setting some aside to give to Mr. Dink and Miz Louise. I made sachets of cedar chips and dried lavender and put our summer clothes in the trunk at the foot of the bed and hung up our winter togs instead of the inconvenient baskets they had been piled in. When I became dizzy from too much standing I darned socks. It wasn't my favorite activity in the world but I had learned to do it quickly and neatly when Mom said if I was going to wreck my socks then I was the one that was going to mend them. After one particularly nasty hole in Thor's sock that I'd already darned twice before I made a note and pinned it to his pillow that he was either to trim his toenails or I would trim his toes.

I went through the house making sure that moths weren't getting into anything and switched out the pillows on the bed in the master bedroom with the pillows on the bed on my old room. I worked on the inventories, calendars, plans and just about anything else I could get my hands on to keep me busy rather than sulking. My crankiness went away in direct proportion to my strength coming back. I'm not proud of it but Stro was pretty much correct – when I'm sick I'm a little on the other side of cranky, maybe a lot on the other side of it. Which is probably why I was outside kicking at mud clods instead of paying attention to what was going on around me.

I was waiting around for Lady to finish sniffing around in the bushes for the cats when I heard her give an odd call, one I'd never heard her give before but it was cut off with a yelp and then nothing. All I could think was bear. Then a distinctly male voice yowled and said, "Get this hell cat off me!"

I didn't recognize the voice and no one with sense would ever sneak up on me. I put my hands in my pockets. In my left was the pistol and in the right was my Bowie. About that time I heard the distinct sound of a shotgun being shucked behind me.

"Slow and steady, hands out where I can see them."

I left the pistol in my pocket but palmed the Bowie and slid it up my sweater sleeve, out of sight but close at hand.

"Hey you fools, get out here!"

Three men stepped out of the bushes, one of them supported by the other two and bleeding profusely from slices all over his face and ears. One of the supporters looked at me and then did a double take, "Hey! It's a girl!"

The one behind me said, "If you want to call it that."

Trying to figure out what they wanted … besides the obvious since the three I was facing had perked right up when they found out I was female … I told the one behind me, "You know me but so far I haven't got a clue who you are. You think that's fair?"

"Fair?!" He snarled. "That's rich. Fair it says. What do you know about fair? You got my boy kicked off the team."

I was scrambling to remember who would hate me that much. I hadn't got anyone kicked off a team. Some had been pulled by their parents, some had left of their own accord, the closest that … oh.

"You're Dallas' father? Man, that was way back in middle school. And he got his own self kicked off the team. I wasn't the only one he could have killed with that stunt in the bleachers."

"Shut up. It was all your fault. He wouldn't have felt so pushed and out of control if you hadn't …"

"Hadn't drawn breath and lived? You're lucky that my dad persuaded the other parents not to prosecute or Dallas would have gone to juvvie in Abingdon. The sheriff nearly sent him anyway since one of the other kids that got hurt was his son."

One of the guys in front of me asked, "Larry, what she talking about? I didn't know you had a boy."

Since I knew that Dallas had gone to juvvie a couple of years later anyway when he got caught selling his mother's oxycodone at school I kept my mouth shut. Larry said, "Hold your tongue … it's none of your business anyway."

The guy that had been used as a scratching post said, "Don't shoot her yet. I deserve something for my pain and suffering and I know just what I want."

I thought to myself no way, not without a fight. On the other hand I knew I wasn't at full strength so brute force was out, this time I was going to have to use my brain to full advantage. The Bowie was a comforting weight against my wrist.

Larry came up close and then did just about the dumbest thing he could have done. He wanted to make it personal so the shotgun came off of my back and up and away to the right in a one handed grip and he grabbed the back of my neck with his left hand and started to push me. I could tell that Larry was shorter than me and then got a picture of the man that had done his best to take my parents to court except no local lawyer would take his case.

Knowing this was probably my best chance I spun to my left as the Bowie dropped back into my hand. Larry was several inches shorter than I was and it was easier for me to go over his arm than under it. With as much strength as I had I slammed the Bowie into the side of his neck and then kept pulling it across. Instinct had him grabbing at his ruined throat and I caught the shotgun before it hit the ground and rolled just in time to avoid the rifle blasts of two of the other three men.

The shotgun was an old Winchester double barrel and kicked like a mule. I got one of the three remaining men in the gut and practically blew off the lower leg off the one standing beside him as I finished ducking and rolling away before trying to run to the storage barn, the closest structure that could provide another weapon.

I figured that I'd finished three but the fourth guy had been quick and I could feel him on my heels and had I been at full strength I could have outrun him by dodging … but I wasn't and he was on me, swinging me around. I shoved him hard but still got a meaty fist that hit me in one of the worst places a girl can be hit. It wasn't as bad as a guy had to suffer when his man parts took a hit but a fist to the chest still brought tears to my eyes.

Then it was on. I was fired up and ready to take it out on somebody and the poor fool in front of me would do … or so I thought. We hadn't even been fighting a full thirty seconds when a roar split the afternoon and the guy became airborne without a license. He slammed into the side of the storage barn and then literally wet himself when he saw both Thor and I coming at him at the same time. He started to run and then got dog piled but not by Thor and I.

"Hey! Hey! He's mine!" I yelled.

"No! He's mine!" Thor bellowed.

Both of us started pulling guys off. Lawson, Johnson, Sand, Jimmy Ray and Stro on the bottom still punching the guy … and then Coach started yelling, "OK, that's enough. Let me in there. Stand back!"

"Dat burn it! Get out of my way!" I yelped when Sand and Johnson pulled me backwards.

Stro was still whaling on the guy and shouting, "You don't hit girls!"

Thor was looking murderous and then turned to me, "Are you OK?!"

"I'm fine but I wasn't done," I growled back in a fair imitation of his own tone.

Then Coach bellowed, "I … said … that's … enough!"

All of us reacted like we'd been pre-programmed. Even Thor started and looked at the man that had handled two generations of football players at the local highschool. "That's better. Now who is that one?" Coach asked pointing to the squashed specimen that Stro was still eyeing like a hungry bear at a picnic basket.

Dealing with a stitch in my side I said, "I don't know. Three of them were strangers to me but the one over there was Dallas Calhoun's father."

Lawson remembered Dallas, and not in a good way. "Dallas?! You've got to be kidding me, that's a blast from the past. The Calhoun's don't even live around here no more."

Sand said, "But they did still have family in the area … or had … I heard they'd joined up with Kemper."

I looked at Thor who was still growling. I told him, "I was doing just fine."

"Ro-chelle …"

"Don't you growl at me. I said I was doing just fine."

Stro had to be a smart aleck. "Watch out, she's gonna blow!"

I turned towards him, "I'm gonna blow all right …"

Then Thor grabbed me and just about knocked my socks off with a kiss that stole my breath and then gave it back. When he ended it he still held me. He looked deep into my eyes and asked, "Hon you are such a fire breather. What have I said about playing with your food?"

All I could think of was the rest of the old joke, "But they were crunchy and tasted good with ketchup." Then I yelped and jerked out of his arms and ran. To their credit my friends were quick to get out of my way.

"What on earth?!" Thor called.

I cried, "Oh no … no, no, no. Jimmy Ray!"

Thor must have understood because I heard him groan, "Oh Lord, it's her pup Lady."

Hearing it was a dog Jimmy Ray ran over and after a few moments, "Easy there. Easy. It's OK Rocky … geez … you're crying. Hey guys, she's crying!"

Thor was already there but Jimmy Ray then stunned us all by saying, "Hey, you don't need to do that. She's OK. She was just knocked loopy and was too scared to move. Give her a chance and talk to her real easy." Suddenly Jimmy Ray froze. I'd only seen him do that once and I looked over to see Boots slinking up on him.

"Boots! Knock it off!" The cat suddenly sat down and started washing himself like he hadn't been thinking about having Jimmy Ray for dinner. For his part Jimmy Ray jumped up and then did a yip with a funny hop when Barney sauntered out of the bush right beside him.

"Keep them demon cats away from me."

The other guys were trying not to laugh but they weren't trying hard. Jimmy Ray had had a run in with the cats when they'd been kittens and he'd never quite recovered from it, somewhat similar to how most dogs felt after a run in with them.

"Jimmy Ray, are you sure Lady is going to be all right?"

Trying to pull himself back together he nodded. "Just keep an eye on her. She's awful quiet for a hound."

Thor said, "Oh she's got a voice all right. A lot like her mistress."

Lady was limping and trying to climb up in my lap and lick me. I gently picked her up and tucked her inside my jacket and she settled down to sniffing the smells in the inside pockets.

Thor was back to growling as he looked at the man who was begging for his life. He looked at me and said, "Go in the house."

"Excuse me?"

"I said go in the house and stay there." He turned to the others. "Go on home."

Every one of them except Sand got there back up right away."

I said, "You can't protect us all from what you are about to do Thor."

That made the guys blink; like they were only getting every other word of half of a conversation. Sand obviously understood because he looked at his brother and said, "Johnson, why don't you, Jimmy Ray, and Lawson make sure Coach gets that wagon unloaded then come back here in a bit."

"Hey!"

I told them, "Thor is good at what he does but you might not be ready to accept that he isn't good because he likes it. So, the less you see and know about it the better."

Stro caught on and looked at his brother, "Lawson, tell Dad I'll be home when things are … dealt with." The look that passed between them caused Lawson to blanch.

Coach said, "I'm not squeamish. Don't think that me leaving means that. And I don't blame you. But it's a good strategy for now. The fewer people that can be witnesses the better." He banged Thor on the shoulder a couple of times and then said, "I'll take the boys and go. Strother, you sure you know what you're getting into?"

"Yes sir." There was a lot said in those two words.

Coach then said, "Come on boys, there's still work to be done. Johnson, you're driving since you'll be bringing it back here to pick up your brother."

After they left Thor looked at me and I at him. "I'll go in the house if you insist on it. But you don't need to send me to the house. I've been there all along remember."

"You sure?" he asked, already finding that place in himself I knew he would need to go to do the job.

I nodded in answer. "Then go put the dog up so she don't get scared by all the noise."

At those words the man on the ground started crying. A part of me was crying too. I had hoped that we could put the worst of it all behind us but it looked like the world was as cruel a place as ever. There were things we needed to know and it looked like the survivor was the unlucky soul who was going to tell us. One way or the other.


	85. Chapter 85

Chapter 85

What I expected to be as bad as a few such occurrences had been on the road turned out to be a non-event … at least in the beginning. After the others had left and I had come back, Thor only had to grab the guy by the scruff of his jacket collar before he started practically begging to be allowed to answer questions.

Thor tied his hands together behind him with his own belt and I tied his boot laces together. He might get his hands loose and try to run but he wasn't going to just unknot the laces without someone noticing and giving us time to stop him. Sand whispered, "Simple but effective." I shrugged having learned the trick from Evans during his hours upon hours of stories. But Thor started interrogating the man and my attention refocused from the past to the present.

 _"_ _Are you from Kemper's group?"_

"Kemper's don't exist no more. Most everyone is dead or running towards Volney or Troutdale, looking for a place to stay for the winter. But mostly everyone is dead."

" _Did they die from being infected?"_

"That was the splinter group. Mostly those of us that stayed got caught in the crossfire when Calhoun over there tried to take over or from some explosions and fire that came about when some of Kemper's people tried … I don't know … it was like they decided if they couldn't have the compound and supplies then no one could. They destroyed everything and then set what was left on fire."

 _"_ _How did you escape?"_

"I followed Calhoun. He was ape #$% crazy half the time but it didn't stop him from knowing what he was doing and getting the job done. He fed our group when Kemper started cutting people off."

 _"_ _Where did he get the supplies?"_

"We … uh …" When no one would help him he said, "We salvaged some things and … er … raided for others."

 _"_ _Who did you steal from?"_

It was cold but the man was sweating anyway. "I don't know man, just some cabins and stuff that we'd run across. Usually they'd give us what we wanted just to make us go away."

 _"_ _Did you burn people out when they wouldn't?"_

"Huh?! No way … that was Kemper's crew. If Calhoun was crazy, Kemper and those he kept close were way on the other side of it. It wasn't like that in the beginning; people were different back then. It was … it was like going away to summer camp. We were safe and felt like we could trust each other. After his wife died things started going downhill. Eventually we realized that Kemper was mostly a fake. By then though it was too late."

 _"_ _Too late how?"_

"Winter was coming and the old timers wanted to know what kind of supplies we had to get us through. They wouldn't shut up about it no matter how much the lieutenants started to threaten them. When Kemper wouldn't tell how much he had left rumors started going around and then someone broke into the storage rooms and … and we found out there wasn't no way all of us would be making it on what was left. That's when people started getting mean, taking sides, talking about mutiny in whispers and then right out in the open. Kemper would send work groups out and people would go missing or the group wouldn't come back at all. Everything turned freaky. Some of the pressure was let off when a bunch of people opted to break off from the main compound. They swore they'd still be loyal to Kemper but they'd also be run independent. Then somehow they got infected. The people that Kemper sent to reclaim the food that group had taken got infected too. More people started disappearing and even kids. No one knew what to do. Then Calhoun stepped up. He said all we had to do was wait until there was a deep and long freeze and we'd be able to get into the splinter group's came and the bodies wouldn't be infectious anymore. We just had to survive for a little while longer then we could have all the food we wanted until the military show up and fix things."

I mean what do you say to someone who is that delusional? The truth? They wouldn't believe the truth if it slapped them across the face. They didn't want to know what the truth was because they couldn't handle it.

 _"_ _How did you find the farm?"_

"This place? We got lost. My wife is going to kill me 'cause I promised her I would be back last night. When we saw the smoke we decided to … just do the same thing we'd done every place else only … only … things went wrong somehow." The man was really sweating bullets at how wrong it had gone started sinking in.

 _"_ _How many more of there are you?"_

The man clammed up. But what he saw in our faces loosened his tongue right back up. "Calhoun's brother stayed behind with the women. Him and the women make six. You done kilt the rest."

I asked, "Any kids in your group?"

"Huh? Naw, Calhoun's daughter never made it home from college. My step kids are over in Richmond with their ol' man. They were disrespectful to their ma so she turned her back on 'em and told them they could just stay where they were and we headed out to try and reach my buddy's hunting cabin." His speech went from righteously angry to suddenly thoughtful, "Maybe they had the right of it after all."

"And the others?" I prompted.

"Dead or run off if they thought they were old enough to make it on their own. Lots of the kids wised up to Kemper before the rest of us did. They didn't like all of the rules or being told what to do all the time. They wanted to be with their own kind I reckon, back in the cities where they could have the run of the place." He swallowed hard and then asked, "You're going to kill me aren't you?"

Thor said casually, "You haven't given me any reason to keep you alive."

"Wh-wh-what kind of-of-of reason would c-c-convince you?" he asked. The terror coming off of him was strong enough to smell.

"That's not up to me to decide. You gotta prove it; make me believe you are worth the trouble of not killing you."

He swallowed so hard you could hear his adam's apple click. "I-I-I-I …"

Then all of a sudden he jumped up and ran. Or should I say tried to run; he'd forgotten his shoe laces like most people did when they panicked. With his hands tied behind him he didn't have anything to break his fall and none of us were fool enough to step in and give him a hostage.

He hit the ground with a thunk but then didn't move. We all had weapons out and aimed at him but still he didn't move. Thor reached out and toed him but he didn't react. We each aimed at a vital spot and Thor took his boot and rolled him over and we saw there was good reason for him not to be moving.

His eyes were full of mud and his forehead had an odd concave shape to it. Under the mud he'd fallen in was one of the never ending crop of rocks that people around here harvested every year. It was large and egg-shaped with smooth edges … an old flower bed border stone that had gotten displaced sometime in the last several generations and then gotten covered by years of dirt and mud. The man had come down just hard enough that his skull had fractured on impact turning his frontal lobe area into one giant bruise. He just stopped breathing from the shock of it and had gone to answer a Judge whose decry would be eternal.

Thor stood up and walked a ways off and I turned to Sand, "Strip and dispose. We can haul 'em to the burn pit." He nodded and then I walked over to Thor who was still in that dark place.

I put my hand on his forearm lightly. He asked, "You OK?"

"Yes." He rumbled and then said, "I was prepared to do what was necessary."

"Of course. You always are." Then I added quietly, "This time God let you off the hook. Just accept the gift and don't worry at it." It took a moment but he straightened and turned to look at me. The darkness left the back of his eyes and he nodded and we went to help the guys.

In death it was apparent just how pathetic they were. Their clothes we salvaged as best we could but given the mess I had made of them most of it followed them into the burn pit except for the pieces that could be used for patches and rags. They did have ammo for their weapons but Thor and I carried more just walking around the farm. The weapons themselves were nothing special and were in need of cleaning and some repair. They didn't have any food on them, not even Calhoun. The rest of it was just a small pile of odds and ends … a compass, pocket knives, utilitools, and the other mess that people carried around with them when they have more pockets than sense.

The burn pit was snapping and sizzling and was a bit much so we all walked back towards. I leaned against the outside wall and said, "This is getting real old real fast. If they hadn't tried to just take stuff we might have worked a deal. We don't have feed for the steer, they could have worked a day helping me to slaughter it and then taken some back to their people."

Stro said, "You don't understand these out-of-towners Rocky. When they got here they just acted like they could take whatever they needed, most of them didn't even think they should have to pay for it. From the way this guy acted it doesn't seem like they've learned any different since then."

I said, "But Calhoun wasn't an out-of-towner, not really."

Sand shook his head. "Might as well have been. When he moved away he burned a lot of bridges if you know what I mean. I think his brother took him in only because he felt some family pressure to do it. Then they joined Kemper, the rest is the same story we've heard a couple of times now."

Thor asked, "Has anyone else had trouble with people left over from Kemper's group? Stro, your father was mentioning something this morning."

"Oh, there's been a few come begging family to take 'em back, but not many. And sometimes they get taken in and sometimes they don't. Guess it depends on how they left things when they joined up with Kemper or what the circumstances were. Dad wants me to go check out the old compound and see what's left of it but salvaging from the town is more important right now. There are only so many folks to do the heavy work and there isn't anyone that can work on it all day every day because we got responsibilities at home. Come spring it's going to be even worse and next harvest season worst of all."

Thor gave a wry look and said, "You'd be surprised how many wars get put on hold during planting and harvesting times. That's assuming there is anything to plant or harvest."

Adding my two cents I said, "I hope people had the forethought to save enough seed for spring planting. It's not as if the feed depot is going to be getting in anything new anytime soon. Hopefully folks have their head on enough."

Stro had a look that made me ask, "What?"

"You remeber what we were talking about? That morning you took sick so bad?"

Thinking I said, "That … that triage thing?"

"Yeah. That's what I was trying to say. For all the stuff people went through since the power stopped working there's a lot of them still living in la-la land. Take Tina's father for instance. The thing she's told us … he was delusional or something, still holding onto the idea that the military or FEMA or some such was going to come driving in like the cavalry and that even if it was a year or two things would eventually get back to some version of what used to be normal."

Disgusted I said, "Then people should hear some of the stories that Thor and I could tell them from what we saw crossing the country."

Sand nodded towards Thor who was taking apart one of the rifles and looking it over. "Thor's been answering questions but starting yesterday and today … people stopped asking. It's like they couldn't handle the answers. When there wasn't any information coming in they could pretend but they can't pretend no more and it ain't setting well with them."

Without looking at us Thor said, "I noticed there were some that didn't show up for the work crew today."

"Their loss," Stro said without concern. "If they want to stick their head up their … uh … in the sand then that's their right. It'll kill 'em but when someone really wants to die there ain't nothing no one is going to be able to do to stop it." Stro had a well-loved cousin that committed suicide even after receiving some very high quality counseling. It was a hard way to learn such a profound lesson in life.

We all came to attention when we heard a wagon come to the gate. A whistle split the air and Thor whistled back making me realize that the guys must be teaching him our old signals. For a moment, just a moment, I felt left out but not for long because Johnson called, "Give me a hand!"

While the others jogged over I walked. I was two hundred percent better than I had been but all of the exertion had taken what little new found energy I had gotten back.

"Confound it you crazy ol' mule!" Johnson called right before he was nearly pulled off his feet.

"Johnson! Take it easy. You're only making him more ornery," I told him when I saw what was happening.

"Me making him ornery?! This beast was born ornery! Confound it all!"

"Where did you find them?" I asked.

Johnson got a stricken look on his face. Sand asked, "Johnson?"

"That couple that lived down Briarpatch Lane. He … um … he didn't show up today you know and Coach had us go by because he was going to give him what for."

"And?" I asked after Johnson just stopped talking.

He sighed and then shook his head. "Looks like he went on a drunk last night on some of that case of whiskey he found and claimed yesterday. He … uh … it was a murder/suicide. Looks like he, you know … First his family and then himself."

"Oh Lord," I muttered.

Thor tried to hide the look on his face but I still caught it before he slipped his mask on. I stepped close and said, "Don't. Just don't. It isn't your fault he couldn't handle the truth. And some people are bad drunks."

Stro added, "No way man. This ain't your fault. Robb was always a … well, I suppose speaking ill of the dead ain't the thing to do but you know how he was Sand."

Sand nodded, "His family lived on the dole around half the time Thor. I went to school with his sister, the family was a mess for as long as I can remember taking notice. The idea that he'd have to make his own way in life nearly overwhelmed him several times over the summer. He went through bad DTs when his pain med supply dried up. Maybe we should have kept the liquor from him but … you saw how he was and … we can't babysit people like that anymore. If anyone is stupid enough to say otherwise then I'll suggest they could do the babysitting from here on out and we see how fast they tough up their stance."

Thor finally relaxed and nodded. "Just the same. I think I may be less free with information in the future. I always hated the idea of hiding things from people because they couldn't handle them … but maybe that's more true than I wanted it to be."

"Nah man … tell it like it is. Tell it like it is, if people can't handle it then that's their problem." My friend Stro had certainly developed a hard streak but then again, in his own way, he'd been put down his whole life for something that wasn't his fault either. Maybe people reap what they sow and Stro reserved what softness he had for people that had never hurt him … like Lulu. I just hoped he could make room for forgiveness for people … people like Tina.

I finally couldn't stand Johnson's approach with the mules and walked over and took them both by their bits and just stood there calmly. "Now that's better," I told them when they stopped prancing around. "I bet you're just dying to get this gear off, kick up your hooves, and relax a bit. Come on and I'll let you in the corral so you can drink and nibble. You'll meet the horses in a bit and can have a good gossip."

As I walked away I heard Johnson say, "Now I know why Jimmy Ray said to take those crazies to Rocky. She always took care of the mules during 4H too."

I was thrilled to death to take in the two appaloosa mules. I'd always wanted some but Dad said they were too expensive and after seeing the price tag on some of them at the fairs I had to agree. But I wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth no matter how bad a pun it was.

When I got back the guys suddenly shut up when they saw me. "OK, whatever it is better be that important for you to act like I should be kept out of it otherwise you can forget the fudge brownies I made this morning."

Johnson whimpered, "Brownies?"

Johnson looked at the others who were all giving him "the look." Then I said, "That includes you Thor."

The man in question couldn't help it, his lips started quivering and then they were smiling and finally he was laughing. "You don't know how to play fair do you?"

I put a real innocent look on my face and said, "I've known these guys most of my life. We've worked hard together, played hard together, and covered each other's backs. And the one thing I've learned is that none of them can bake worth a darn. Cook yes, bake no. And I make really, really, reeeaaaalllly good fudge brownies."

Johnson, the most susceptible of the bunch complained, "Aw come on guys … it's brownies."

Sand just shook his head and looked at Thor. Thor rolled his eyes, "How did I get volunteered?"

"Hey, you're the one that married her," Stro said while his eyebrows disappeared into his bushy hair.

Thor turned to look at me, smiled, and said, "Yes I did."


	86. Chapter 86

Chapter 86

Brownies. If I had known what they wanted I might not have given them any. Oh but they were smart; they grabbed them and skedaddled fast leaving Thor to peg me between the eyes with their "idea."

"They want me to what?!" My voice was loud in the kitchen. I didn't rattle the windows – Dad had built the house too tight for that – but the coffee cups sitting on the table tried to dance.

"Organize something called a winter meet," Thor answered mildly, amused at my overheated response.

"Are … they … out of their cotton pickin' minds?!"

Thor chuckled, "I'm beginning to think those boys might be smarter than I gave them credit for being." At my impatient look he said, "They ran while they had the chance and left me to do the dirty work."

I snorted. "Every one of them was a Tom Sawyer or Huck Finn growing up. When they look innocent or start the 'aw shucks' routine that's your signal to watch out."

"And were you Becky Thatcher?"

"Hardly," I said shrugging off thefact that most people considered me to be more Tarzan than Jane. "Seriously though, why ask me? Sarah or Granny C would know what's needed better than me. They were with Mom on the planning committee every year, not me."

"Sand said to remind you that Sarah is pregnant and Strother said to remind you that Ms. Hefling is old though all of them yelped when he said it and claimed they deny it if you said anything to her."

I rolled my eyes and then bent to take the skillet of cornbread out of the oven. As I plated up the cornbread, stewed potatoes, and white beans with ham I asked him, "What's their purpose? Don't we have enough to do to be going on with? And what about security issues? After today I'm wondering if we aren't to catch a break at all this winter."

We sat and said the blessing over the food then took a few bites before Thor answered me. "From what I understand they want to set up a barter system and give people a chance to stock up for winter."

I shook my head. "Too late for that. If they haven't done it by now it ain't going to happen. For those that have they won't trade food, or at least any with sense won't. No one with any kind of abundance is going to ruin their … what you would call opsec … by showing it off. Mountain folk don't always look like they have sense to the outsider … I mean look how people underestimate Mr. Dink … but the instinct to survive runs strong in most."

Thor said consideringly, "I'd like to know what others have so I could measure what we have."

I shrugged, 'Why measure it against what others have? Why not just measure it by asking do we have enough for us?"

Thor's eyebrows jumped and then he smiled, "Don't believe in competing with the Joneses?"

"No," I said in finality trying not to give away that he'd poked at a sore point for me. "If I measured myself against I would have died in a loony bin before I hit puberty." Mentally shaking off some bad memories I added, "There's no profit in living your life in fear or envy of what other people have. What others have doesn't make what we have any more or less valuable for us. The only exception to that is if you consider it barter and for now I just don't want to barter food on the off chance we need it in the future. We might have a late frost and lose the garden. The animals might not come back for several seasons after getting hunted over. Too frequent rains or drought; the trees might not make if their buds get bit or they get a disease; we could get varmints or bugs in the garden; hail storm … geez just any number of things and it isn't like we can simply import stuff for the local grocery store, at least not for a while."

He leaned over and kissed me. "Knew I got the best thing going when I got you."

I snorted at his tomfoolery but felt myself blushing at the same time. "Some folks would say that makes you blind as a bat and dumb as a stump too."

"Thought we didn't care what other folks thought or said," he smirked with a wicked twinkle.

Thinking about it for a moment I admitted, "It's not that I don't care. I care about the things I can control – like my actions and my reputation – but if it's out of my control I try not to let it get to me too much." Reaching for his hand I added, "And some folks I care about what they think and say a whole lot more than others."

Thor was my first consideration but I also cared about the guys. I hated that I just couldn't get on board with their idea for a winter meet. "Thor?"

"Hmm?" he asked raking up the last few bites from his plate.

"You haven't really given me your opinion on this idea of theirs."

He shrugged, "I want it to be your decision."

"Thanks for the confidence but any decision I make affects both of us. Here, give me that plate before you lick the pattern off of it."

He passed his plate and I put another piece of cornbread on it and put my bear of honey within his reach as well. While he watched with appreciation as I added the last of the contents of the pans he said, "Hon, as I see it there's pros and cons to the idea. You and I could pull it off … I wouldn't leave you with all the work … and I'd like the intel it could bring in as well as it giving me the opportunity to meet the other people left around here and see how they interact." When I opened my mouth he forestalled me by raising his hand and continuing, "But … the points you've raised are even more important right now. And I'm pretty sure they asked you before any of them thought to run it by anyone else, especially Hefling or Coach. Does everyone call him that?"

I laughed, "Yeah, pretty much. When you've been doing something nearly thirty years in the same location you're known more by what you do than who you were born as. That's how surnames got started … place names or job descriptions. Take Charbonneau for example it means kind of like charcoal or someone with dark hair or a swarthy complexion. Coach's real name is Julius Milligan but no one has called him anything but 'Coach' since way before I was born." Sobering and getting back on track I asked, "You sure about them not asking their dads? If that's true I'd like some input from them."

"Will that change how you feel about it?"

"No … unless they come up with good reasons I don't know about."

"OK, if you feel up to it, I'll mention it tonight on the radio check. If you do feel up to it you might want to come on the salvaging run tomorrow. You can get a feel for things and talk to them."

Startled I asked, "You feel safe leaving the farm unattended?"

He nodded cautiously. "Strother and Lawson were going to back track and will let me know if they see anything that doesn't fit."

"But?"

"Hon, I've been doing this a while. You get a feel for when someone is telling the truth and when they're not. Like I did with you … I knew you weren't being truthful about something but I didn't feel any real threat or intent to be threatening from you which is why I let you ride as long as I did. That guy, he wasn't a professional. He wasn't really a professional anything except a jack … er, he wasn't a professional anything from what I could detect. He sure didn't have the beans to be able to lie to me and not have it mess with my BS meter."

Smiling at the understatement he was making about his "BS meter" I watched him eat with pleasure. Then thinking about it for only a moment I said, "I want to go."

"I hear a but in there."

"I'm trying to be honest. I'm not sure I'm up for being on horseback all day if it's going to be as cold as it was today."

"I had planned on taking the wagon," he told me.

"Yeah? OK then, that's better."

And it was. After another good night's sleep we woke up to a beautiful day that was cool but not windy or damp. While Thor took care of all the morning chores I cooked breakfast and fixed a picnic lunch to go. When Thor came in to finish getting ready I harnessed the mules and brought the wagon around. I also saddled Thor's horse and told mine he had the day off which he seemed to appreciate. For just a moment I worried about leaving the animals but Thor and I were only two people and there were just time we were going to have to trust God that stuff would be there when we got back to them.

"Look who wants to come."

At Thor's comment I turned to see him holding Lady but it was what she had on that made me laugh. "Where did you find that? I can't believe she let you put that on her."

"It was in one of those tourist shops. I don't know how long the jacket and hat will last but the harness and leash will at least let you keep hold of her and keep her from running off."

I took Lady from him and walked her. She looked like a puppy sized hiker in her canvas jacket with pockets and her knitted cap that had slots for her ears to hold it on her head. The chain of the leash didn't thrill her but she was agreeable to the latest new thing the humans wanted her to do. Boots and Barney were staring down with their usual morning disdain from the porch roof like they were some kind of wild panther. I looked at Thor and said, "The cats will miss her."

Rolling his eyes in the direction of the cats he said, "The cats can hunt up their own meals for the day. They're growing fat and getting out of practice. Let's get, the daylights a wasting."

Despite what Thor had said it was still very early in the day and we were one of the first to make it to town. "Wow. Things look even more picked over than before," I muttered while surveying the mess that people were making near store fronts and along the main roads. At least they had the courtesy to keep the mess out of the actual roads or driving the wagon would have been like trying to drive in that mess that Jonathon and I had gone through trying to get to his grandmother's place.

"Yeah, it's getting that way. I've been leaving the stores on the main drag to people and trying to stick to the supply houses – plumbing and electrical – and then trying to hit up the warehouses as well. That's where those extra batteries have come from. Hefling, his sons, and I also hit up those ranger stations and took out the solar panels and inverters from there. It would have been a pretty decent haul if we hadn't had to split them between us."

Looking around for just a moment since where I wanted to start had pretty much been trashed already we discussed the fact that the guys didn't seem to have noticed we had access to power. "The equipment has always been there and Dad made sure it didn't stand out like a sore thumb. Sand knows they're there and what they're for but I think he assumed that the EMP got to the electronic stuff that was hooked up to that stuff."

Shaking his head Thor said, "This is getting us nowhere. Let's head over to the library. You can see if there are any more books you want."

It was a whole lot worse than last time I saw the inside of it. "I'm glad you brought the other ones home that I had already stacked up," I told him after one look around. "I bet the school is even worse than this."

Thor gave me an odd look. "Everyone avoids the place."

"Huh? Why?"

"Would you believe I heard some people say it's cursed and others say it's haunted."

I rolled my eyes. "Actually I don't doubt it for a minute. Dad always said mountain folk could be touched about things like that. My grandmothers were wonderful, God-fearing women but they were superstitious as all get out. Every time they heard me whistle one of them would say, 'A whistling woman and a crowing hen always comes to some bad end.' And that was mild compared to some stuff they went on about."

"My mom used to say … never mind," Thor said abruptly clamming up.

I stepped over and Lady and I gave him a kiss that had him smiling again. He pushed up both back with a chuckle and said, "Ok, ok … let's go see what we can find at the school before anyone else gets desperate enough to ignore their fears. I don't know that I expect to find much. From what I've heard the greenies cleaned it out when they put together that meal that poisoned all those people." We were the only ones on the end of town the library was on. We saw a few working towards the other end but no one waived and it wasn't anyone I recognized from such a distance no matter how hard I stared.

As I drove the wagon along the road that went to the school I could tell that no one had been that way in a while. The weeds and grass had grown very tall despite the weight of the snow bending and packing it down a bit. There was tree trash down all over the place as well and there were old vehicles where the school grounds had been used as some kind of staging facility. None of that was the worst though.

"Oh geez," I breathed as I drove passed the months old remains of several bodies. I wouldn't have recognized what they were if I hadn't seen it all before. The difference was that I had seen it in abandoned towns and cities … Damascus wasn't abandoned, or at least not totally. It was like someone's bad joke of a Halloween prank only it was more real than my brain wanted to take in.

I drove the wagon right into the courtyard between the elementary and middle school and then around to the loading dock at the back of the cafeteria that served the two lunch rooms – one that served the elementary and middle school and the one with the bigger tables and chairs for the highschool kids. I complained to Thor that the blasted doors were all electronic roll downs but that I knew how to get around that.

"Hang on. I'd rather not bust a window." I climbed up to the roof using the attached maintenance ladder with a crow bar in my hand. When I got up there I had to stop and catch my breath but soon busted the lock off the roof hatch. I went down into the electrical crawl space where all the duct work was and then removed a section of the drop ceiling that led down into the head cafeteria lady's office. I refused to reveal how I knew this was possible but will merely admit that while helping to put in some Christmas decorations Stro and I discovered certain material was not designed to support our weight.

Thor was howling when I told him about our misadventure and the resulting mess. He gave me a one armed hug and admitted, "I've had a few of those life lessons myself. Remind me to tell you about a certain thatched roof in Thailand and a very upset honeymooning couple that I … er … interrupted."

Using my wind up flashlight we started looking around. I knew immediately it had been a long, long time since anyone had been in there due mostly to the undisturbed nature of the dust. I didn't even see any mice trails like I expected to see. Going to work I laid several large pots, pitchers, and other cookware near the door going out. Thor handily knocked the door knob off of a locked storage room causing Lady to cling to my leg for a few moments before deciding the doorknob made a good toy to push around with her nose.

Thor hissed scaring us both and I ran over to see what the problem was and then stood there flabbergasted at what we found.

"Why would they overlook something like this?" Thor asked irritated.

I shook my head, so surprised I'd completely lost my voice. The metal shelves were not completely full but there were still quite a large number of #10 cans, rounds of salt, large containers of basic spices, and several undisturbed large bags of mixes, flour, and sugar.

I don't know why finding it bothered me like it did. We should have been jumping around like we'd found gold … or another stash of Uncle Bentley's, but I wasn't. In fact if Stro or even Coach and Mr. Hefling had been there with us I probably would have given them an attitude with both barrels. Finally I muttered angrily, "This goes beyond superstitious right into stupid. But ask me if I care. Their loss is our gain."

Looking at me in a little surprise he asked, "You're not going to share this with your friends?"

I paused and then answered, "Ask me again when I'm over being mad at what was nearly wasted. For now … for now I just want to get this stuff home with as few people knowing about it as possible."

I tied Lady to a post on the loading dock and was able to manually raise the bay doors just enough to let the cans go under it without breaking the wheel mechanism that would have jammed it permanently open or closed. The principal – who'd been around nearly as long as Coach – tended to use the football team as free manual labor. We'd learned early on that even though it was nice to have a remodeled school, some things that the school district had "upgraded" did not work as intended. For instance making everything electric, including locks, without the prerequisite manual backup systems could cause a righteous amount of problems. The school district kept promising to upgrade the upgrades but the property tax revenues had decreased and it fell off of the priority list.

We put the cans in a single layer on the bottom of the wagon bed, then filled the spaces between the cans with smaller items and finally laid the soft packages on top of that. To hide everything from view we laid plywood sheets on top and then put a tarp down. Around the edges of the tarp where the gaps were we pushed some hay that we had brought to cushion fragile items that we found. It wouldn't hide things from a physical search but it was out of sight from a visual one.

After we finished loading the last couple of things from the kitchen we moved the wagon closer to the library. When I went to step down I saw Stro slowly coming up the main drive to the school on foot. He saw us but didn't go any faster and only gave a half-hearted wave. I looked at Thor who shrugged.

Impatient at his slow pace, I finally walked down to meet him. "Drag your feet anymore and you'll leave skid marks."

"It's this place," he shuddered.

I huffed and rolled my eyes. I wanted to tell him what we'd found but on the other hand I was still angry at what I viewed as unnecessary drama that cost people an opportunity. "Then don't stay if it bothers you that much."

Quietly he reminded me, "My mom died here Rocky."

Taking a calming breath I nodded. "I know. And I know I wasn't here and let me guess … some people down there are saying I have no respect for the dead or that I'm stirring up trouble. A couple of them have probably said they aren't going to have anything to do with me until the ghosts are done having their revenge."

Slowly he straightened up and gave me a small smile. "It sounds dumb when you say it."

"That's because it is dumb … and you aren't which is what has me confused. Come on Stro you're twenty-one, a grown man, there is no room for stuff like that in our lives anymore."

"Now you're making me feel really dumb," he said with a cringe.

"Well I'm not saying you're dumb, I'd never … well practically never … call you that. What I am saying is that this is just a place. Sure it is a place where bad things happened but I haven't seen that stop anyone from going into the abandoned houses around town or in the businesses either. You want to see bad you should see some of the places and things that Thor and I saw on our way here."

We had reached Thor and he heard my last sentence and he and Stro clasped hands in hello. Stro eventually said, "So, didja find anything?"

Thor just rumbled but I answered his question with a question, "After all the stuff that people have said did you really expect us to find anything? Where's your dad and brother?"

"Dad won't come up here, bothers him too much. You know him and Mom were fighting again because she had gotten together with … it doesn't matter now but he just feels bad that the last words they said to each other were pretty harsh. He still pretty much loved her though he was trying to let go."

I nodded, understanding. "Yeah and Lawson feeds off your dad. Let me guess, he and your mom had brangled before she died too."

"Pretty much," Stro said. "Look, I … I ain't gonna let this place win but I'd … uh … rather not go over to …"

Thor interrupted realizing that Stro was trying to say, "Not a problem. Let's hit the teacher's lounge first."

Lady was eager to explore and led the way into several rooms. From the lounge we hit the copy room, the office, and the janitorial storage area where we picked up a pile of things worth taking … office supplies; goodies left behind in desks; a pile of batteries of different sizes from AA or the way up to the big square ones that were used for the heavy duty flashlights in the school storm kits; and cleaning supplies and a boatload of paper products including some feminine hygiene products that Stro just shoved into the oversized pockets of his hunting jacket trying to look nonchalant.

When he saw I was looking at him he squentched up his face and said, "Please don't ask. Granny C and Tina gave me a whole long list of things to be on the lookout for and some of them are embarrassing."

I was opening my mouth to jab at him a little when Thor yelled, "Pay dirt!"

The nurse's station hadn't been touched. "OK, this takes the cake," I said in a huff and then turned and punched Stro in the arm.

"Ow! What was that for?" he complained.

"How many sheets has Granny C had to tear up because she was out of bandages and bandaids? How many other make do things has she had to put up with because …"

"Ok … all right … I get it, just lay off the punching. Geez between you and Tina I'm an abused man."

I lifted an eye brow and nudged Thor, "Tina huh?"

"Oh stuff it," he grumbled under his breath. "Don't push Rocky. I thought I knew what I was doing with … well and I have … you know, Lulu to take care of and Tina has the twins. Neither one of us wants to make a mistake."

"Has she said anything about it? And you know what I'm talking about. About what her dad did to you two?"

"Yeah. Yeah we talked about that." He shrugged. "It's over and done with. Neither one of us is really interested in going back to the way things used to be, we just want to try and figure out which way to go from here."

"Good enough," I said with a grin that made his ears turn red.

Suddenly Lady got real still and her hackles came up and she started pulling silently at the leash. We all got quiet and I picked her up to keep her quiet and we heard voices.

They walked right by our position in the dark and I nearly let them keep going. "Watch that first step going down to the kindergarten rooms; it's awful dark."

I wound up leaning on Thor to muffle my laughter at how high they had all jumped. Thor pushed me behind him and then growled when some of the guys made to come at me with some anger showing. They backed off real quick and then Stro started snorting in laughter too.

"Yeah, you go on ahead and think it's funny. You just wait." Johnson and Lawson were the worst bent out of shape but eventually all of them lightened back up. Thor said mildly but seriously, "You deserved it. You can't go around like that; you never know who could be lurking in the dark or around a corner."

Sand nodded, "I been out of the game too long. Our Sarge would have had me … just never mind, but it would have been painful. Thanks for the reminder. We saw the wagon and mules tied up and just assumed you three were the only ones in here. We could have walked into trouble."

It was just about that time that I started feeling that I hadn't been out of the house since I'd gotten sick. Lawson said, "Hey, Dad and Coach are outside and said that Rocky wanted to talk to them about something."

I looked at Thor and said, "I'm gonna go back to the wagon for a while."

"You OK?" he asked concerned at my sudden listless voice.

"Yeah. But sitting down will do me fine for a while if you don't mind."

"No," he told me. "Take all the time you want."

I led Lady back to the wagon and then had to unwind her from my leg when she couldn't decide whether she was my protector or she was going to run from the two men in front of me.

Mr. Hefling smiled slightly at the sight. He leaned over and said, "I've heard about you. You are a pretty little thing."

Lady finally realized these two men weren't a threat to her human but she was standoffish as they smelled like too many other people and things that she didn't know. In turn I realized that because of the kind of dog she was Lady would need to be exposed to more of the world and allowed to investigate to identify scents and match them up in her head in order to be truly what she was.

Coach said, "You still ain't one hundred percent Rocky."

"No sir, but I'm getting there. You mind if we sit at the picnic table for a bit? I need to run some stuff by you."

The two men looked at each other then back at me. "The guys say something to you?" I asked correctly interpreting the look.

"Let's hear what you have to say before we add our two cents."

After we sat down I took a deep breath and just laid it on the table. "Look, I don't want to disappoint anyone but I don't think this is going to produce the results the guys are hoping for. I mean, it's a nice idea but too … too idealistic in my opinion."

Mr. Hefling wanted to know, "Why do you say that?"

Being brutally honest I told them both, "Because if people aren't ready by now they aren't going to get ready with a little bit of bartering. Plus I don't think it would do them any good morale-wise. If they aren't ready now they can at least pretend that everyone else is just as unready as they are. If we start showing off who has what then some anger and envy is going to develop … or maybe something worse. People that might be on the edge of turning into whatever Kemper's people turned into may well just jump over the edge and justify it however it takes them to sleep at night."

When Coach started to say something I said, "But … I might have another idea. Two really but they're separate from each other. The one for the town will just have to wait until the other side of the new year."

Coach said, "We're listening."

"First, assuming any of us make it to the spring, I'd be willing to organize an early spring swap meet or something similar. Thor and I saw something on the way out here … it was like the Highland Games. The suttlers had a section set up, there was a doctoring area, and then there were games of skill and strength. The prizes for the games were things that made sense like new blades, a pig, some chicks or chickens, coveralls, stuff like that. People could barter for things or spend coin in the suttler area. There were skilled people like black smiths, ferriers, mechanics, women with treadle sewing machines and I don't know what all since I didn't have that much time to look."

I looked at the men to try and judge their reactions and when they didn't give me one I continued on. "I'm going to be brutal and I know … look I know how it is going to make me sound but I don't see any profit in beating around the bush about it. Not everyone around here is going to make it through the winter. Thor and I plan to but it's going to take work and all our focus. We only have the two of us to put food on our table and do all our chores. I've already been bad sick and I'll have to be careful not to relapse; that will leave a lot of Thor's plate and I'm not real happy about that. Once spring planting season gets under way our time is going to be even more precious. But there is the in between time … when the last of the worst snow is gone and before the first seed has to be parked in the garden … that might work for this. It would also let us see who has made it through the starving time … and who hasn't. Fewer people would mean that any help that the strong of us can offer would go further and … and not be wasted."

Coach pursed his lips but Mr. Hefling nodded. "Don't feel bad Rocky. We've talked over this same problem. We've been trying to move people into work groups but it only works about half the time. People may change their minds once they get into winter and start getting cut off but I have to tell you from what I've seen people getting out and salvaging the town is about the most constructive thing I've seen since the last garden was put in over the summer."

"I'm not sure I like the idea of simply leaving people to die or survive. It feels like it goes against all of my Christian upbringing," Coach put in for his part. "On the other hand, as has also been discussed, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink. Too many are waiting for things to be given to them rather than working for them. I always thought the people of Damascus were more self-reliant but it looks like most of it has been bred out of the younger generations. I hear too many people that still think someone is going to come along and save them before it is too late. They are waiting for a leader to tell them what to do but seem to want to be bribed into using the brain God gave them. They think a strong man is going to come along and fix things and put the country back together the way it was before. I just don't believe it myself and have a hard time understanding anyone that still does."

"If you don't, imagine how Thor and I feel. We've seen … awful things." I stopped, unwilling to relive some of the awful things we'd been witness to. "I … I had some crazy ideas that Thor and I'd get to Damascus and the town would be pulling together and it would be like a port in the storm, a haven or something extraordinary like that. We saw a few places like that on our way here. But it isn't and not all of it is because of the greenies or the disease or whatever else has befallen this town. The weakness and rot was already here, I just didn't want to see it, and those other things just took advantage of it. I had a hard time accepting that, but I've realized I don't have much choice but to accept it. Now, the rest of this is going to sound pretty … pretty self serving."

I gathered my thoughts and then said, "There are some of us that are stronger. I don't know if it is physically, mentally, or maybe like Granny C and Mr. Dink, it is spiritually. Maybe it is a little of all three. Maybe God has been looking after us particularly for some reason and has His hand on us. Maybe I am trying too hard and making it into something that it isn't. Whatever it is I'm just not the type to lie down and give up. I'll help those unable to help themselves but I can't see giving anything away to people who are just sitting around unwilling to help themselves in some constructive way."

Mr. Hefling said, "Yeah, you're right it sounds bad."

I gritted my teeth and it is a good thing I did or my mouth would have fallen open at what he said next. "It sounded just as bad when we said it out loud weeks back too, but that don't stop it from being the truth. We've been quietly putting back what we can to help those that like you say 'can't help themselves' but it won't be enough."


	87. Chapter 87

Chapter 87

My mouth may not have been hanging open but my face must have given me away because Coach said, "Take it easy Rocky. You aren't the only one that has had to take a good long look at our town, our home, the people we grew up around." He shook his head sadly the sighed. "I'm more sorry than I can ever tell you girl that I didn't … didn't …"

"Coach?" I was getting a sudden weirded out feeling. Coach had never spoken to me like that.

"Girl, what I'm trying to say is I knew there were people in this town that gave you a hard time for something that wasn't your fault. What I didn't … understand for lack of a better word … is what that really meant about those people. People I called friend except for that one bit of attitude on their part. I glossed it over, made excuses, rationalized it. But that was only the bit I saw wasn't it … the attitude. How many times did you have to keep your mouth shut trying not to hurt other people when someone would do or say something to you or your parents?"

I wouldn't lie, not at this point, not after all I'd gone through. But at the same time I felt this was a chance to let some of it go, to bury it in a very final way. I was being presented with a choice and I took it. "Coach, it's over with, in the past. There's just no sense in digging up those bones."

"Bones? Some of those people are still alive and living cheek by jowl with us."

It was a statement and not a question. "Perhaps. But if they are still around I'm willing to let bygones be bygones so long as they spend their energy someplace else besides making me waste mine dealing with them."

Mr. Hefling cocked up an eyebrow, "Generous of you. But get one things straight Rocky girl … Rochelle …" I had to grit my teeth. Thor was changing my world in so many ways and having people see me as an honest to goodness female was rocking it in ways I didn't find comfortable. "Several us now understand, and maybe better than you … or your folks … ever wanted us to. You and your people kept things private, maybe too private. Sometimes you need to make people back up and back off or they never learn where they're wrong. You don't have to go it alone anymore. Strother tried to explain to me a few times what it was like to be you in this town but I just didn't get it and he gave up since you seemed to be able to handle it. But something tells me that you and him maybe have some … history … of covering each other's backs that not too many people know about … or at least not too many are willing to own up to."

"Ohhh," I said putting my head in my hands. "Mr. Hefling don't start saying stuff like that. Please. Stro and I have always just been friends and nothing more. Other people hear you say stuff like that and they'll get the wrong idea. Stro and I never … absolutely never … saw each other … er … in a romantic way. It was never like that."

"That's not what I'm saying girl."

Relieved I said, "Well thank goodness but other folks might not hear it that way so let's just not raise none of that again." We heard something in the building behind us. "Honestly, they're like bulls in a China shop. They're going to bring the whole town up here to see what the ruckus is." I turned back to and said, "Please sir … just let it go. People are funny about things like that and … well … let's just say I'm willing to give folks a chance to make other choices."

He shook his head in exasperation, "Fine girl. But don't forget what I said. You ain't got to walk the roads around here alone no more."

Honestly I felt he was exaggerating things a bit but there was no way for me to tell him that without explaining things I'd rather not explain. See it wasn't just Stro that had my back a few times, I did have other friends … some from the Venture Crew and some from football … those two overlapping somewhat … but it was hard to explain to folks that had only recently accepted me into the ranks of adulthood that kids have their own ways of dealing with stuff. To survive a kid learns to shut stuff out, compartmentalize it different from adults. And that's what I did, just compartmentalized it. Sure there were people that ruined things for me but I didn't let them ruin my whole life. But I wasn't a kid anymore and I was learning that people wanting to help could be just as much trouble as people wanting to hurt.

Coach bringing the conversation back around to the original topic said, "OK, so you feel that a winter meet isn't ideal. What were your other two ideas?"

Knowing I was going to have to tread carefully if I wanted to accomplish my goal I said, "First off as far as the meet goes … like I said, I'd be willing to plan one for the spring. That will give me time to organize things and get other people lined up to help and … and frankly as winter progresses we'll see who is going to be there come spring and who won't. We could also use the organizing part as a guise for taking supplies around. Or do it in secrecy or whatever, that's really not my thing. Thor and I may 'adopt' some folks … Mr. Dink and Ms. Louise for a start … but I don't really want any part of a plan that creates a bunch of hurt feelings, envy, and jealousy. All that will do is give us more problems to face in the spring than we already have."

Another big bang in the school building had me half way getting up to go see but Mr. Hefling snorted, "Honest to Pete, you'd think they'd use more sense. I bet they tried to carry too much and turned something over." I shrugged thinking that, knowing the boys like I did, that was the likely answer since I hadn't heard any hollering.

Coach shrunk down what I had been saying into one basic sentence to get us back on topic again. "All right, so it's pretty much agreed … a winter meet is out but a spring meet might be possible. What's this other idea you have."

"This is where it is going to get sticky because I don't know what everyone else's plans are or if anyone else even needs this. Here it is flat out, Thor and I have an issue … animal feed. I haven't talked to Thor about this yet so this is strictly an idea to be discussed not a plan to put into action." Gathering my thoughts I said, "There are animals that we need to survive the winter. We really can't slaughter any of the chickens this season as too many were lost while I was away and to be able to keep a viable flock we need them all. The three feral hogs we'll need to keep for the same reason and I can dig out acorns and they'll eat the dregs of just about anything we can pull together. The milk cow we need to keep and for the sake of argument I'm going to say that we can breed her in the spring to someone else's bull. The horses and mules will have to get what grains we've got left as their health is an absolute necessity for spring planting and general getting around. The cats can fend for themselves, Lord knows there are enough rats and mice running around right now, and I'll feed Lady by hunting and table scraps if necessary; her potential worth as a hunter and tracker is too great."

Mr. Hefling said, "You want to salvage all the feed in town and redistribute it?"

I shook my head, "No. The profit in something like that isn't big enough to make it worth the effort … at least not right now. I'm talking about doing what most farmers do, culling what you can't support or what you must for your family. I've gone over it and over it. I have one big eater left … a steer. He isn't good for anything as he isn't a breeder and he'll just be scrawny by the time spring comes and it will take longer to fatten him back up assuming he stays healthy on so little feed as we can give him. I'm not so sure he wouldn't starve to death to be honest."

"And?"

"Well, I was wondering if any of y'all are in the same boat? Too little feed and needing to cull animals."

Mr. Hefling cautiously admitted, "Could be."

"But that's easier said than done isn't it?" I asked. "Slaughtering a big animal – or multiple animals – is a lot of work and …"

"No. I know where you're going with this girl but no."

"But you haven't even heard me out all the way."

"I'm sorry but no. We need to be careful. Other folks will hear about it and …"

About that time I heard a piercingly sharp whistle. I got up, spun around while pushing the two older men down closer to the ground. I had never heard Thor make that whistle though I'd heard it from other men in the crew – it was the sound of RETREAT and DANGER! all in one. I saw Thor come bounding out of the school and yelled, "NO!" I saw Mr. Hefling grab Lady who was trying to follow me into battle. I'd told him not to run except as a last resort. The blasted beasts could clock 30 mph when they put their minds to it.

A young, lean black bear followed closely by another one slightly thicker around the middle had Thor in their sights. I put the second one into a skid and slowed it down with a well placed shot from my grandfather's Winchester Model 70 that was loaded with .375 HH Magnum. I was had that particular gun just for the simple fact that it was the one Dad had taught me to carry this time of year just for bears. Dad always said that not all habits are bad and some good habits could save your life or the life of someone you care about. He wasn't just whistling Dixie when he said it either.

The problem was the other bear was on Thor's heels. Time slowed for me. I thought to myself, "Larger bear was a sow. The lead bear was a second year cub and a big one from the looks; they must have been eating good. She was either teaching him to hunt or they had taken up considering humans as part of their food chain due to all of the corpses they probably ravaged over the summer. There, zag Thor and I hope the bear zigs. Aim. No flinching even though you know the rifle would kick like an ornery mule. No! No time left! There …." BANG! "Throw the bolt and reload. Hurry up girl. Your love's life depends on this." BANG!

The lead bear lay where it had fallen on top of Thor. I threw the bolt and chambered another round and jumped as a couple of other shots hit the sow bear who had been giving too serious consideration to getting up.

"Thor!"

There was a commotion behind me but I was too busy grabbing my husband under the arms and pulling. I realized quick enough that he'd had the wind knocked out of him and banged his head but he wasn't truly hurt. I was on my bottom hugging him to me when a commotion caught my eye. Stro came limping out … correction, all of the guys came limping out or being helped out.

Jimmy Ray sputtered, "I swear this place is just plain bad news. I gotta get outta here."

He really was sweating and upset. "Jimmy Ray, this place ..."

"… is cursed," he finished.

"Do you want me to bang you up worse than you already are?" I asked fiercely.

My tone of voice caught all of them off guard. I continued, "I am not going to let my big he-men type friends turn into mindless old women without a fight. Now get your head straight. A couple of bears … that's all it was. A couple of bears that are now dead at our feet … not the other way around. Now get a grip and I mean it. I swear you made less noise when they were sewing your head of from where you fell out of the stands trying to get a look at that Richmond's girl's cleavage."

Since the incident was well known to all of us several of the guys bit their lip not to laugh and I saw some shoulders shaking. Even Jimmy Ray was starting to smile. "Some scars are worth getting," he grinned. Then he shrugged. "OK, so maybe this place ain't cursed but it sure isn't making me any healthier."

Lawson was banged up enough that his daddy was worried about him and Coach was checking them over while Thor, Sand, and Stro got the bears strung up to field dress them. I took Lady and went to the kitchen and got more pots and pans to put stuff in. By the time I tramped back Thor was his normal self but I could see that his pride was ouching him some.

"Now is someone going to tell me what happened or do I have to pull it out of you a word at a time?" I asked growing impatient.

Lawson answered me, "They were in the play room. We were just in there looking around and talking and all of a sudden they were just there."

"You didn't smell 'em?!" I asked incredulous.

"Everything stinks back there. There were some bodies and there was mildew all over the place."

"Then why were you in the little kids' play area?"

Stro said, "I was looking for some stuff for Lulu. She don't have hardly nothing to play with and she's a girl, she ain't gonna want to play with my foot … uh …"

I gave him a look that would have melted concrete. "I'd hide that foot you're pulling out of your mouth or I might just decide to shove it someplace else."

Thor leaned over and kissed my neck right under my jaw line making me jump. "But see, you're extraordinary and Stro may not know what to do with a daughter that turns out as special as you."

It was such an obvious schmooze that I had to laugh. "Oh stop it, you're just plain impossible. Seriously though, how did you miss a couple of bears in the room with you."

He shrugged and went back at one of the bears with something that look a little like vengeance. "They were behind some overturned tables. When we realized what they were we backed out of the room and if it had just been fat momma over there we would have been fine but this one here acted like he had something to prove."

Sand for his part added, "They gave a couple of false charges with us trying to retreat and get out of what they obviously considered their turf but they never let us get far. These bears are … were … very aggressive. They've gotten too comfortable around people, probably spent all summer scavenging corpses. When that food source starting disappearing they turned to live prey and continued to see humans as part of their normal diet.

I left the guys to it and took Lady for a walk inside the school, glad to be away from it. I was still recovering and the end of the adrenaline rush left me feeling weak and a bit nauseous from nerves. A little while later Lady let me know a friend was getting close and I turned to see Thor looking for me.

"Hey, you shouldn't have gone so far."

"Had to get away."

With one of his now clean hands he tilted my chin up and looked into my face with concern, "You OK? You're pale."

"First day out."

"You … you sure that's all?"

Since we'd already discussed my rather irregular cycle I told him, "I'm fine as of this morning if you're worried about us getting caught sooner than we planned."

"Naw … well OK … I was a little worried. You were sick and drinking all of those herbal teas and then the excitement … I just … I just don't want anything to happen to you."

I would have walked into his arms for a hug but he had some splatters of bear on him so I just patted him with the hand that wasn't holding Lady's leash. "I thought about it too but like I said, I'm fine. But I am kind of wiped out and I guess we have to go home anyway now that we've got the bear to take care of."

"Actually … about that …"

Thor had given the bear meat to the others. When I asked him he said that we had enough and if it remained as cold we'd just go ahead and slaughter the steer rather than waiting any longer which would give us plenty to deal with. "Besides," he said. "I have a feeling they can use it … maybe even need it. By the time they split it between them it won't be all that much meat, honestly seemed a lot of trouble for a little return. You … I … er … didn't ask if you …"

I decided to hug him from behind which made him smile. "Thor, stop trying to handle me with kid gloves. I mean if I'm around to talk something over with that's good. Don't run rough shod over me but I trust you. If you think the bear was better off going to them then that's fine by me. I'm not real thrilled with the idea of eating something that's been eating people anyway." I shuddered as I had to swallow a bunch of sour stomach acid that had suddenly tried to climb up my throat. "Let's change the subject."

"You really aren't feeling good are you?" I just shrugged and he said, "All but Strother have left and he just wants a word before he catches up and helps get Lawson home. He … speak of the devil …"

Stro had come to find us. "Hey. Rocky, Dad told us … look, we didn't mean to put you in a bad spot."

"Don't worry about it. But I meant it, I'm willing to put together a spring meet."

"Yeah, I was kind of reconsidering maybe it hadn't been the best idea. Sarah really lit into us asking us if we understood how much work it was and … well, you know how she can go on and on and on. I think Sand and Johnson were pretty much in the doghouse; they sure did look relieved to come to town this morning."

Rolling my eyes, "Hormones obviously aren't helping Sarah's nerves any." Then I added, "Just so long as you understand. If it had served a better purpose and …"

"No … geez … we shoulda thought about it more before we said anything. It's just hard to watch people go through the hard times without wanting to do something about it. As it is, there's bare spots in the pantry that have never been there in my memory. Hopefully Granny C will be able to can some of this bear." He looked around real quick and then said, "And Dad let slip about what you said about trading work to get the animals slaughtered before the cold weather really sets in. I don't agree with him. I understand why he thinks like he does but that doesn't mean I agree with him. I'm going to be hung up here in town tomorrow but if … you know … if you want to slaughter the steer day after I'll make my way over there early. Maybe … you know … I could … um … bring Tina and Lulu … and the twins. She hasn't been away from the home place since her house was attacked and before that her dad kept her pretty well under his thumb."

I looked at Thor and he nodded. We would wait another day to kill the steer. "OK. Assuming no bad weather come on as early as you can. If you can't come we'll understand."

"Deal. And ya'll be careful heading home. People have already been giving us the hairy eyeball for coming up to the school. I'm just gonna go grab that bag of stuff from the kids' area and then I'm off. See ya."

After Stro had headed down to the little kids' area Thor turned to me. "Found anything you want to pack out of here?"

"A few things," I told him. It looks like you guys already divvied up the supplies we found earlier but I found a few more things in desks and a lot of stuff in the lockers. But before we leave I want to hit the girls' locker room."

"Tell you what. You give me those bags and I'll load them and then stay with the wagon and you grab what you want and then come back."

I understood that he meant that he didn't want to leave the wagon unattended so I took Lady and hurried to the last place I was really interested looking that day and wound up spending a good thirty minutes making a pile of stuff to haul off. First off I found where they stored the leftovers from the school fund raisers and we'd had a bunch of them the last couple of years … popcorn, chocolate bars, wrapping paper, and a ton of other stuff. The woman who had been head coach for the girls for years had retired last year and moved to Florida but she had been a fiend about sticking everything in plastic tubs and containers that she would pick up at yard sales and thrift stores. There were glass gallon jars, old Tupperware containers, and lots of other stuff all organized and neatly on labeled shelves. The new coach that the school had hired was young and pretty but pretty dumb too. She never seemed to get around to doing much of anything that she'd been asked to do. The other girls seemed to love her like a big sister but I really didn't care for her much. I didn't dislike her just we never warmed up to each other.

In addition to the dregs of past fund raisers there was plenty of first aid supplies as well as a case … a big case mind you … of feminine hygiene products. All the girls knew where to go if they were endanger of having an "embarrassing accident." There were also sports stuff like Absorbine Jr., cold compresses, Bengay, jock itch spray (and yes females can get it too), Gold Bond sprays and powders, calamine lotion, and antiseptic hand gel in big containers. There was a big box of a bunch of miscellaneous toiletries that were donated for kids that … er … were odiferous due to lack of access to that sort of stuff at home. And then came all the sports equipment. There was a lot of stuff for little kids like rings, bean bags, parachutes, skip ropes, hoops, Frisbees, balls of every texture and size, scooters, you name it. There was track and field equipment like hurdles of various height and batons. There was the weight room that had agility and fitness training equipment. In fact it was too much for me to take in but I did grab several items out of the storage room including all of the big tug o' war ropes.

Seeing the pile I had made I ran back to get Thor.

"I was getting worried," he said with a slight frown.

"You can add annoyed to that when you see the pile I made. It'll be easier just to drive around rather than carrying it all through the building again."

As I drove the wagon over there he growled, "If I had known where you were at I would have just driven over here in the first place."

"I know. I didn't think. I honestly didn't know I was going to find much of anything."

We loaded up and put everything under a tarp and then took off. As I drove and Thor rode his horse I asked him, "You really don't mind? I know it is going to be a mess to bring in and find a place for."

"I don't see you complaining that I got all of that stuff out of the science rooms. What's really eating at you."

I sighed and then chuckled, "I guess I'm wondering if you are upset I asked for help with slaughtering the steer."

He was silent so long I was beginning to worry. "No, I'm not upset. Just not sure what your game plan was."

"Well, at least you're giving me a chance to tell you. Mr. Hefling and Coach shut me down when I brought it up."

"Make you mad?" he asked.

"Didn't have chance to get mad at the time but now that you mention it I am a little ticked off. I just thought we could all save some time and work hours if we combined the task. We could trade off amongst ourselves at the end of it. Like we're only going to have beef. I'd be willing to trade some beef for some chicken or pork or especially goat. Beyond that we could have saved fuel by only needing a couple of fires going instead of every family having one or two going at their own places. We could have combined the work of rending lard, making cracklin's, cutting the meat up, cleaning the intestines for making sausages … company would have made the work go faster. I just don't get why they cut me off the way they did."

After a moment Thor said, "It might not that they didn't think it was a good idea so much as they were afraid of showing what they had … or what they didn't have. Just like you said with the winter meet, it could have set up envy and jealousy."

"But we have Stro coming over."

Thor chuckled, "Strother thinks like you. Little off kilter and just different enough from everyone else that his reactions to things aren't necessarily typical. He'll keep what we have under his hat but we should put something back for the little girl … Lulu ... just in case. That's probably the only thing he'd ask for if he was hard up."

"Yep, you've finally got Stro pegged. And I agree, something for Lulu. Mr. Dink and Miz Louise for sure as well. We really need to get those supplies brought out of that cave but I suppose they've been safe there for this long they can wait a bit longer." Following where that train of thought led me I said, "I'd like to do something with what is in those #10 cans pretty soon. I can turn some of it into soups and stews and can that. I'll dry some of the veggies and fruits or … wait … I'll turn some of the fruits into leather and dry them that way. I wouldn't mind making some fruit cakes either. Oh don't give me that look," I told Thor when he made a face. "You've never tasted our family's fruit cake recipe. And I'll make a few cakes in jars to get us through the winter though those things don't last too long unless they are refrigerated."

Thor smiled indulgently, "Big plans?" I opened my mouth then closed it. Losing his smile Thor asked, "Did I say something wrong?"

"No. I just realized."

"What?"

"I've really taken over from Mom. The house … it's ours now. The kitchen … it's mine. In the spring when we plant … the garden … it's just …"

Thor cleared his throat. "Let's get you home. You're tired and cold I expect. These big plans can wait. No need to take on so much all at once."

And that's where Thor and I disagreed. I loved him but he was not a country boy. He wasn't afraid of work and he did have some idea of what it was going to take to keep up the farm, keep food on our table, and keep us safe … but only some idea. I knew. Oh yes I did. And it was something that was going to keep me up at night until I thought I had a better handle on it.


	88. Chapter 88

Chapter 88

Contrary to my expectations I slept really well that night though some of it was due in part to simple fatigue. The other part was due to the fact that Thor kept me talking while we hauled everything inside and organized it into storage areas and I talked through some of my feelings. There wasn't really time to chew on the what-if's the next day either.

As soon as the light crested the ridge Thor and Mr. Dink set off for the Hefling place. Granny C, by way of the radio, had asked if Miz Louise could come. Seems a bad cold had started making the rounds and Granny wanted Miz Louise's fifty years of expertise to brainstorm with. When they dropped her off they went by the cave and empted it by half and brought it back to the farm and unloaded. From there Thor took Mr. Dink back to the Hefling place and went to town to meet up with Sand and Johnson with a list of things he still wanted to get.

First thing I did, even before breakfast was finished cooking, was to open some of those #10 cans and get a great big mess of vegetable soup going and then another large pot of pasta sauce. It didn't take long after Thor left for me to start filling quart jars and putting them in the pressure canners. The old woodstove was a big one. It was as hot as summer in the kitchen so I decided to make use of the heat and bathe and wash my hair since I was basically stuck inside anyway. I also washed under clothes and sponged the dirt and gunk out of my jackets and sweat shirts.

It wasn't long before I had a better understanding of Mom and part of me felt bad. I had loved Mom and my grandmothers, respected them held them in high esteem but I hadn't really understood them. I obeyed them when it came to learning the skills they had demanded I learn but I never felt the drive to excel at them particularly. I had never considered myself homemaker material; it just hadn't been part of my mental landscape. When I became proficient at a homemaking skill they praised my work but I never really took it in that I could be homemaking for anyone besides myself or my parents in their old age. Maybe it is more correct that I chose not to think any other way.

Jonathon woke something inside me but still I saw no future beyond friendship and camaraderie. I didn't have a clue what being a girlfriend meant, much less a wife, would mean to me personally. And then along came Thor. With him it was all physical attraction and adrenaline in the beginning. We grew closer and closer on the road once we finally admitted to ourselves and each other how deep it went. Then we arrived and life had been so chaotic and intense that I was operating on necessity and even some fear rather than desire. A few times before, especially after I was left at home while thor left to salvage I had begun to see myself in my mother's place; but the position wasn't really mine, I was just wearing her shoes. That long day of canning, dehydrating, organizing, and cleaning some final piece shifted inside me.

I also admitted to myself that plans or not, for just a brief moment after I had gotten my monthly I was just a little disappointed. I was also a little upset that Thor was relieved. It was a strange and freaky sensation. But I shook it off concerned that it was more loneliness than a real desire to have a baby. Something else I was waking up to was the appreciation of how well organized Mom had been.

The grandmothers had helped Mom until they had gotten too frail. Then Sarah had spent even more hours at our house after she graduated highschool and when Sand had been active duty. She'd been a cross between a friend, a little sister, and another daughter for Mom and had taken the place I guess Mom was always sorry I had no real interest in filling. I had always identified more with the stuff Dad taught me. I still did but I was also appreciating my mother's side of things. I also realized I was still grieving for her because at one point I just flat out laid my head on the table and cried because I wanted so bad for her to be there … for me to apologize to and to show her all that I was doing and tell her thank you for teaching me even if I hadn't been grateful for it at the time.

Vegetable soup , succotash, cakes in jars stored in the cold room, pasta sauce, fruit leathers, fruit cakes that I wrapped in brandy soaked cheesecloth, fruit that I had cooked down into preserves … the list was pretty long by the time that Thor came home for the day. To my pleasure he insisted on me showing him all I had done, he even asked questions which told me he was actually listening.

"You know I think we can make it."

I gave him the look he deserved and asked, "Was there ever any doubt?"

"For the two of us? No. I figured that if things didn't work out here you and I could move along for as long as we had to 'til we found a place that would support us. Or even just have a couple of places we'd migrate to depending on the season, stay nomadic if you will."

"Then why did you say what you did?" I asked as he washed up for supper.

"I meant a collective 'we.'" He sat and we said grace so we could both eat all the leftover bits from the canning I'd done.

It was quiet while we knocked the edges off our hunger then he continued. "Now that we're here and settling in properly I can see where this place fits in you like a piece of puzzle. I can see how these people have places in your life, especially a few of them. Just like you wouldn't give this place up without a fight, there's a few of them you're the same way about. That knucklehead Jimmy Ray is one of them … and I understand why now too."

Knowing Jimmy Ray I asked, "Uh oh. What happened in town?"

He smiled, "Let's just say a group of trash talkers got their heads handed to them ... and it wasn't just Jimmy Ray but he was the first one to bow up and strike back."

I shook my head, "Thor next time stop them please."

"Why?" he asked smiling.

"Why?! Well … because. It'll just cause trouble and hard feelings."

"Rochelle …"

"And that reminds me, just because I've given up trying to get you to call me Rocky doesn't mean I want everyone calling me by my given name. Mr. Hefling did it yesterday and I like to have jumped out of my skin."

Thor laughed outright at my expression. "Ro – chelle."

"Thor," I growled warningly but he only laughed harder.

Still smiling he shrugged. "What people call you is up to you to decide. If you don't want them calling you Rochelle then don't answer them when they do."

I grumbled, "Didn't work with you." That only set him to laughing again.

"Look Hon, let the guys handle it their way. Males understand that better than you will."

I snorted, "I know good and well what you're talking about so don't think I'm turning into a typical female all of a sudden. I know there's a time and a place for handling things the guy way. But this involves me and I don't want to cause problems."

"You're not the one causing problems. But trouble that's caused needs to be answered. No more letting people use you as an excuse to express their ignorance, no more using you as a whipping post if they're having a run of bad luck or suffering consequences from their own choices."

"But …"

"No more buts. We need to know who our friends are and who aren't. People who treat you without respect are just flat out my enemy."

"Thor …"

"No. On this I'm pulling the man card."

"The what?!"

"You know what I mean. And I really don't want to argue about this. Your way may have worked before but life has changed and we're changing our ways with it."

The "man card." Honestly. But I didn't want to argue any more than he did so I let it go, but not without some qualms. Thor helped with the dinner dishes and then I put together a breakfast casserole for our guests in the morning.

As soon as we got up I put the casserole in the oven and went to work however Stro showed up some earlier than I had expected … and alone. He came in and warmed up by the fire as it had gotten considerably colder overnight.

"Tina wanted to come but the twins are sick and Lulu is getting it too. Neither one of us thought it was a good idea to have the kids out in this. Granny C said to warn you that it looks like the cold weather may be setting in for good this time and to keep the wood pile up because she thinks it is going to be another bad winter."

Thor coming in made a face, "This isn't cold?"

Stro and I looked at each other and then at him in sympathy. "It's going to get a lot colder before it warms up again."

Mr. Dink also showed up but without Miz Louise. "She's staying to home. Don't want her out in this stuff and she's just plumb tuckered after yesterday. She needs to build up her energy and put some meat back on her bones before she gets out in this cold."

So I found myself the lone female again. It didn't bother me so much as I was beginning to see the disadvantages of it in a way I had not before. Stro, Mr. Dink, and Thor did the slaughtering and some of the trimming. I finished the finer trimming off and then prepared the cuts for canning, making jerky, or for tucking into the freezer though Stro and Mr. Dink weren't to know that.

I put the shanks to making beef soups. I sliced most of the plate cut and cooked it for fajitas. Well, not fajitas exactly but I made some of the flat bread that I had learned from the Chuckri family and then chopped it up with rehydrated onions and peppers. Sure did go down good if the sounds coming for the guys was any indication. I set the brisket aside to make corned beef with. The ribs were set aside in the cold room in an ice chest after they had cooled outside in the cold air. The chuck I cut into stew meat and used the trimmings to make ground beef with, some of which I browned up and canned. All of that was only the front part of the steer.

The hindquarters made up the loin – short, sirloin, and tenderloin – the round, and the flank. I ground most of the flank except for a couple of flank steaks that I set aside for the freezer. The round I cut into stew meat as well except for a couple of round steaks. I wasn't sure what to do with the loin since it seemed a shame to turn into hamburger or stew meat after I had taken out what I wanted for jerky.

That night while Thor sat dozing by the fireplace in our bedroom I tallied up the meat. We got about five hundred and seventy pounds which I knew for a fact because I had been cutting and weighing as I put the meat in the freezer that I didn't can or jerk. From the chuck I got two hundred and nine pounds which included eighty-three pounds of ground beef and stew meat, thirty-one pounds of fat and bones, and the rest in steaks and roasts. From the round we got a hundred and fifty-five pounds including thirty-three pounds of ground round and thirty-two pounds of bones and fat. We got a hundred and thirty four pounds from the flank and brisket. From the loin we got a hundred and fifteen pounds including twenty-two pounds of ground beef and stew meat, twenty-six pounds of bone and fat, and the rest in steaks pretty much. There were a little over sixty-six pounds of ribs which was a dang lot of ribs. The rest of it was fat, suet, and the miscellaneous meats like the kidneys.

Thor insisted on sending some of the ribs home with Stro as a thank you – and he didn't protest too much – as well as a promise that should he need any help and also sent some short ribs with Mr. Dink and promised him that I'd be canning up some other cuts in pint jars.

I felt like throwing something at Thor when he woke up briefly and said, "Geez I'm tired. At least we did most of the work for you."

Most of the work for me?! I knocked that idea right out of his head over the next two days as he helped me to package, dry, grind, smoke, and can up the rest of the meat that I hadn't been able to get to the day of the slaughter.

One thing was for sure. Granny C had been right, the day we slaughtered the steer was the last clear day for what seemed like weeks.


	89. Chapter 89

**_Chapter 89_**

In November it never got out of the fifties and there were several very cold days, so cold in fact that when it did get into the fifties I thought it felt like a sauna. Thanksgiving passed by before either one of us thought about it and Christmas came and went with just a simple celebration and a get together with some families for a church service type of thing. Our present to each other was a Christmas tree; there wasn't anything else we needed, not really.

In December and January we never got out of the forties with January being colder of the two; every night for two months it froze and on a few of those days it never thawed either. Just to be on the safe side we drained all of the pipes from upstairs and down and installed a diverter to prevent any water accidentally leaking out of our storage tanks. We never had a single frozen pipe though we heard that some houses did.

"Why there would still be water in those pipes after all this time I don't know," I said to Thor while we were working down in the basement. It stayed warmer down there than the rest of the house which meant we used less wood. I also cooked on the fireplace which is what I was doing while we talked.

"Mostly they were abandoned houses. The busted pipes wouldn't have been noticed if people weren't still trying to salvage anything useful. I've heard people are tearing out insulation and paneling, trying to harden their houses. No one thought to winterize the abandoned places from what I understand," he replied. He added, "Water is a tight commodity for sure. The river is frozen over except in the very middle in a couple of places, or where people are keeping it cut open for fishing; and there's been some sickness from people having to collect snow for water."

"It'll be another year or two before I trust snow … or snow melt in the rivers. Who knows what all is in the atmosphere from all of those terrorist attacks." Thor nodded and we were both glad to have the wells we had on the farm. We did have to be careful with the well that was used to feed the trough in the corral and the automatic watering system for the chickens gave me so much grief as well that Thor figured out a small solar system to keep the cluckers warm enough so that they nor their water would freeze.

February was nearly as bad as January but it was time to put out the covered rows so that I could get the ground warmed up a little early. Thor and I had also been able to expand the green house by salvaging materials from all over the town and the nearest abandoned farms. We created our own version of a wood furnace to keep it warm with too. Heat was piped through the ground in buried lines as well as being released into the air to try and control some of the moisture problems. There could be snow all over the ground but right around and inside the greenhouse it was clear as can be. Going in and out of the greenhouse, from warm to cold, Thor developed a bad cold that took almost three weeks for him to completely kick.

"Bless you," I told Thor after he sneezed for what seemed like the gazillionth time.

"I'm tho tired of this blathted cold. My head feelth like it ith going to explode. And if I have to drink anymore of that nathty tea I'm going to yak."

I felt bad for him, neither one of us were particularly good patients while we were sick and it only meant the other person had that much more work to do. On the other hand I told him if I heard one more word about my teas that I was going to be the one to yak. Man-colds are near about as painful for the woman as they are for the man.

We were alone a great deal of time but it suited us. We did get off the farm on occasion to see Mr. Dink and Miz Louise and to meet up with a select group of other folks. Stro and Tina decided to make it official real quick. Guess two can sleep warmer than one but it sure seemed strange to think of my friend as the father of three which was what he basically was. We heard there was a little friction as all four generations tried to come to an understanding under one roof but they dealt with it in the family. Lawson looked like a lost puppy for a while as he'd always had Stro's shadow to stand in … or hide in … and now Stro was too busy being something else besides his big brother. Johnson I think gave him some advice on how to handle it when big brother got a life of his own but I still heard that he didn't know what to do with himself sometimes.

February I did some clean up of the asparagus beds but it would be a while before I started seeing any spears break the surface. That was also the month that we laid out the hoop row covers. Wish I had thought to get some of that started when it was warmer but I never had to plan it out all by myself, my folks always did it … I was just free manual labor.

First we had to till the ground and that was a trip. The mules weren't the problem; it was finding the right equipment for the mules to pull. Thor looked at some of my dad's books and the equipment in the barn and we finally had to give it up and run some of the diesel left in the farm tanks. Dad always kept a preservative in the tanks to keep things from gunking up during the off season so there weren't any problems in that respect but the ground was frozen and didn't want to be worked very much. Our main concern was the noise from running the tractor attracting unwanted attention.

Lordy mercy it was loud compared to the quiet that there had been before but we only had to run it one morning and was able to get a good sized garden tilled up. It was work though because we were working in compost and manure at the same time.

I started a lot of seeds indoors during the months of February and March but every time I thought about putting them out in cold frames or anything else we'd get another frost. Sometimes it is better to be late than early. By the end of March temperatures were reaching into the upper fifties and we could air out the house. I did a massive amount of spring cleaning and just about drove both Thor and Lady crazy, the cats too if they accidentally got under foot.

"To borrow your phrase Hon, what in the Sam Hill is all the fuss?" Thor asked the day I demanded we turn all of the mattresses and go through all of the linens in the house.

"It's not a fuss, it's a necessity. By turning the mattresses they'll last longer and stay fresher. I've tried to come up with some ideas for when the mattresses finally go in case we can't get a replacement but none of them are going to be as good as what we have now. So, the longer we can keep what we have now the better," I answered him, at least as tired as he was.

"What did they do in the 'olden days'?"

"As far as I can remember from what my grandmothers said that they had straw … ticks I guess you would call them. Sort of like mattresses but with no real body to them and they had to be emptied and refreshed at least once a year. Richer folks had thinner feather ticks on top of the straw ones. You could tie them at the corners to keep them from sliding away from each other. Then you tied on the bottom sheet to make it all a nice neat package. Add a flat sheet and a quilt for the summer and a comforter and/or extra quilts in the winter and that was pretty much it."

Thor looked at me then sighed and said, "We'll turn the mattresses for as long as we can. After a long day the last thing I want to do is sleep on something as hard as a board. I've gotten spoiled living indoors these last few months."

"And I've gotten spoiled having a full belly. Spoiled enough that I can complain of wanting something fresh so bad I'm just about ready to go out and eat grass with the cow."

Thor laughed but understood what I meant. I'd managed to find a few green things poking up through the snow in a few places but not enough to cut the cravings I was having. The herbs that I had growing in the green house made a smallish salad every few days but still that wasn't enough. I'd always been a protein girl before so it made me wonder what I was lacking. I meant to ask Granny C but I never got a chance; the few times I actually made it to the Hefling place she was off tending to someone else.

In April, as promised, I finished all of the organizing that I had done during the cold months and we had a Spring Meet. Fewer people than expected showed up. Seems many slaughtered their work or travel animals to make it through the winter and when that ran out some simply starved to death. Thor, I, and the few others of our tight knit group did try to help where we could but as we knew it, it wasn't enough for some.

There were people who simply gave up when they realized that they were living in the new normal. They couldn't adjust fast enough, or didn't want to adjust, I was never sure which. Poor nutrition sent a lot of people off to their Judgment Day early … or maybe on time because God knew when it was coming even if the rest of us did not. A few kids were orphaned but usually it was the young and old who went first. Maybe that was a blessing in this harsh and cruel world.

What did come during the Spring Meet was news from the outside world and it was more due to accident than on purpose which leads me once again to realize that God has plans that are hard to fathom. It seemed a coincidence, but true coincidences are rare as hen's teeth and it might be that God just put people on the road at a certain time and place just to meet up with us on a certain time and place. Whatever, we were pleased to meet a real live Colonel of the US Army.

Thor looked him up and down politely and though some of his men seemed to bristle, Colonel Hardaway smiled and said, "Battlefield promotions."

The colonel couldn't have been but a few years older than Thor was. "Huh. That must have been some battle."

Colonel Hardaway laughed outright at Thor's expression, not the least offended which bumped him up a notch in my book. The Colonel asked if Thor would take a moment and meet with him. I went to follow but he gave me a look that I was not happy to receive. It wasn't a public look that anyone would have recognized but I knew what he meant and I had a hard time keeping my face blank. Instead Thor asked if Mr. Hefling could come and the Colonel was amendable to that. I later found out my feathers had no reason to be ruffled. Thor's idea was that I would clear the way if he had to make a quick exit … we wouldn't both be caught on the same side of a line.

They were over an hour and I was just about to make some noise when Thor showed back up with his professional and serious face on. Mr. Hefling's face was blank but it seemed his eyes had a faraway look that bothered me more than Thor's expression did. Everyone watched the military caravan drive away although they also had their fair share of honest to goodness cavalry men and women on horses and mules as well as a bunch of soldiers on foot.

There was a general air of excitement as people rushed to ask Mr. Hefling and Thor when FEMA or some other emergency services would arrive with supplies. Into this noise the two men's silence fell like a rock and people shut up and not a few of them looked afraid, like they didn't want any more bad news confirmed. Thor looked at Mr. Hefling who just looked back at him and I realized they were wondering who was going to break the news.

I said, "OK, that's enough." Several people startled and I could see a bunch of owl-eyed folks looking my way. "Give it to us in small syllables and we won't have to ask so many repetitive questions."

Thor gave me a small smile. "All right, here it is. No one is coming. There are no supplies. The good news is the government isn't looking to take what little bit we've got left here as they don't want a fight and have bigger problems to deal with. The bad news is these troubles aren't just happening in the US but are worldwide. Governments have fallen, risen, and fallen again. There are some countries that are only in existence because they already are on the map … but hardly any are left to lay claim to it within their borders. And the US wasn't the only country to get sabotaged by an EMP device."

A voice from the crowd say, "Liar!"

Before I had a chance to bow up Jimmy Ray had round housed the man and then said, "He's had that coming for weeks now. You all know who he is and why. You've heard the rumors of just how his kids disappeared … four and five year olds don't just run away like he claims."

Yeah, there had been rumors of cannibalism. I don't guess any society, even a supposedly modern and enlightened one, can escape it. Some folks are just animals.

Thor continued speaking to everyone after a nod at Jimmy Ray. "Feel free to believe me or not but we may not be out of the woods yet. There are some countries … the remnants of Russia and China, a militant religious coalition of people from the Middle East, and a few other groups from places like Eastern Europe and Northern Africa … that are … well, let's just call it salvaging for now … from all over the world trying to rebuild what they've managed to secure. The US military and state militias fight off outside groups every day who are trying to cross our borders to obtain what we have. The winter kept us insulated for a time but winter is coming to an end and so is what little safety it gave us."

Stro asked, "Are you saying we can expect foreigners to come traipsing through here trying to take our crops, animals, and what have you?"

Thor shrugged, "We're pretty remote with no major landing strips for large planes but that won't prevent helicopters from being utilized. So far they are sticking mainly to the coastal regions though a few have gotten as far inland as Kansas looking for grain. Most of the time the local population handles things but the invaders have been successful enough times that it has emboldened them to continue to try. Our southern border is a mess but you can take it to the bank that Texas is still Texas and Texans are still Texans. The bodies are piling higher and deeper but it is only proving to be a foundation for the wall that is being built down there by the convicts and illegal immigrants who are no longer being treated with kid gloves. Problem is that is still better than some have it at home and they have nearly as many foreign born 'volunteers' as properly convicted invaders. The northern border is as leaky as a sieve but so far the Canadians are irritated enough at people trying to use their country as egress into this one for illegal activity that our two nations are working together pretty effectively though it has taken some reshuffling of priorities for some of the remaining bureaucracy."

"And?" I asked. Thor raised his eyebrow asking me what I meant. "Knowing this stuff is all well and good but exactly what is that Colonel expecting from us in return for the knowledge."

Thor gave me a sly smile, "To the point, as always." He kissed me causing some people to flap at the delay and others to wolf whistle. As for me, when he was done all I said was, "I'm waiting."

Mr. Hefling was finally getting his feet back under him. I guess it is one thing to theorize what was going on out beyond our town's borders but quite another to have them confirmed. He said, "They want us to rebuild, not just our lives but our town such as it is. They want us to keep the roads open and in good repair the best we can, allowing any traffic to flow freely so long as they aren't obvious threats. The US population has been cut roughly in half from what they've been able to tell from their initial analysis. In some places that percentage is higher and some places it is lower, migration out of the urban areas has added to population loss over the winter."

A woman I recognized as one of the old grade school teachers asked, "Are you sure it isn't worse than that? Look what happened around here. I don't think we have a quarter of our population that we had pre-EMP."

Thor answered her. "There were places in the north east and in the Deep South that have lost very few people. In the far regions the EMP effects were not nearly as consistent as they were in the center of the Continental US. They expect more loss of life in the south and southwest this summer than they had over the winter. California had very few mass casualty attacks … guess the greenies didn't want to poop in their own back yard. But there are pockets of California that have been devastated by infrastructure failure associated with the EMP. So many people headed for the coast of Cali in search of water that the east coast has risen a few extra inches out of the water."

I rolled my eyes while a couple of people snorted at his explanation. Thor was learning how to talk mountain speak like a native and a tall tale or good exaggeration always went over well with a crowd.

"Uh huh," I said. "Do they expect us to start seeing any of this 'migration' or whatever they call it? Will it be the same as we saw on the road getting here?"

Mine weren't the only questions and the two men basically sat down and had a town meeting right there in the dirt. I wandered away knowing I'd hear it again once we got home and maybe in greater detail with more of Thor's personal take on things. I went looking for Granny C and found her talking to a couple of other women.

She looked at me good and then nodded sociably to the others before walking with me back to the family wagon. "So ye think ye might be?"

I smiled and then stopped. "I'm pretty sure I am. I've missed twice now. Once I could put down to hard work and an irregular cycle but twice … I think I am."

"Have ye said anything to your man yet?"

"No, but I need to soon. We are supposed to start planting tomorrow and I don't want him to start treating me funny. I'm not sure how he'll take it."

"You'll never know until you spit it out."

I nodded, "I know. But … did … did Mom ever say anything to you … about … to you about if the doctors told her anything about me? About me having kids?"

She put her hands on her hips and gave me a look. "You picked a fine time to start worry about it."

"Trust me, I know. I didn't really want to think about it. As far as I know I'm all normal where I need to be but … I guess …"

She finally relented and patted my arm. "You're wondering if your ma didn't keep something from you?" At my nod she said, "No. As far as I know you're just a big girl now that you've outgrown the punies you had as a little child. That don't mean you can just go larking about though. Your man ain't exactly small and between him and you there's a good chance your babies are gonna have some size to them. You weighed what fifteen pounds?"

I made a face, "Fifteen pounds, five ounces and Mom couldn't have any more after me because of all the cutting they had to do and the bleeding she did."

Granny C frowned, "I always wondered if they did all they could or if …"

"If what?"

"Well child, there were plenty of folks that never expected you to draw your first breath and plenty of them took it further and didn't want you to draw your first breath. Your parents faced a lot of pressure because they refused to kill you in the womb. I always wondered if … maybe … that doctor that was on duty that night you were born did all he could have done for your ma. Your da always wondered the same thing but there was no fixing things the way they were broke so they gave it to the Lord and learned to feel blessed 'cause they were the ones He chose to have you."

I'd heard a bit of the story over the years despite my parents always refusing to discuss it outright. "So what does that mean for me?"

"It means that we watch and we wait. Do you know how much Thor weighed at birth?"

I nodded. "Ten thirteen. His mom was a normal sized woman even though his dad was nearly as tall as he is. She didn't even have to have a C-section which … I mean …"

"I know child, I know. But there isn't anything I can do about it. I will tell you there were a lot of those Roman cuts that took place that didn't need to just 'cause either women or the doctors made the choice rather than letting nature take its course. We aren't going to have that choice anymore, least ways not around here. You're just going to have to stay healthy, active, and listen to what your body tells you. Just don't go listening to Sarah, she'll scare you to death for no reason. Honestly that girl is something else."

I blushed. I had been listening to Sarah tell the gory story of the birth of her son. That's one reason why it had taken me so long to get up the nerve to talk to Granny C.

I looked down at my still trim stomach and tried to imagine what I would look like. Granny C caught me looking and laughed. "Don't you take the cake. You'll be lucky to show at all if all you get is a regular sized 'un. You're so long the baby could stretch from here to Richmond and no one would notice."

A little relieved I said, "Hopefully that'll keep people from talking for a while. I can hear them now, wondering if I'm going to have a mutant or something."

"Just you never mind what others say. You enjoy what God has blessed you with for as long as you're allowed to keep 'em. Mine never made it out of the hospital and sometimes that is just God's plan though I'm determined to ask Him why when it's my turn up to the Pearly Gates. But I raised my sister's bunch and I'm not ashamed to say that I think most of 'em turned out decent enough though we've not heard from the others …" I saw a sorrow that crossed everyone's face from time to time. We'd all lost people. Or even if they hadn't passed beyond the veil they were beyond our reach to communicate with.

I left Granny C and went around the few tables and blankets that had been set up making a few trades here and there, including one for stud service for our cow who was now healthy enough that I didn't worry about losing her should she take with the first mating.

I noticed something as I walked around. The women looked road hard and hung up wet in a way the men did not. Part of it was that I was seeing the real girl or woman and not one that had make up on or her hair done up with a color or perm. Part of it was that the winter really had been hard on everyone, but there was just some indefinable something that I couldn't put my finger on exactly. I knew that it wasn't unusual for men to go through more than one wife or wives to go through more than one husband in the "olden days" as Thor called them … and not because of family court either. Childbirth used to take off a lot of women – babies too – prior to the 1950s or so. But only a few of these women looked to be in that age range and most of them were old enough to have gotten that problem fixed already. Maybe it was just grief. Maybe it was fear, the kind that most men will never understand just because they are hardwired different than females. Whatever it was it was there, just below the surface and it gave me a lot to think about.

We soon left and Thor talked off and on most of the way home filling me in on some things. I listened and took it in, even asked some questions, but I was preoccupied with my own thoughts. When we got home it was almost too late in the day to start anything new so I just checked on what we had in progress and then felt the need to wander through our supplies a bit while a dinner of stew that I would serve over rice simmered on the stove.

Thor found me running my hands over things and counting silently. "Whatcha doin'?"

I shrugged then asked him, "How do I look?"

"Huh?" he asked in surprise. I rarely asked him to comment on my looks. I always thought asking a man if something made you look fat or whatever was unfair after seeing Dad get that deer in the headlights look a few times with Mom.

A little impatient with myself, "Forget it."

"Uh uh," he said grabbing me around the waist when I tried to brush by. "Someone say something today?" he asked protectively.

"No. It's just … I didn't know how to explain it very well."

"Just what?" There are days when I doubted Thor had the patience of a flea but that moment wasn't one of them. He had his "Job Look" on and I knew he could out wait me.

I shrugged. "Those women today, they looked … well some of them anyway … looked bad. Rough I guess, like … Oh for pity sake, I don't know."

But Thor actually nodded. "I know Hon. Women age different, you can see it all on the surface. I saw a lot of that over in the Middle East. Women marry young, have children young, nutrition isn't great, medical care is worse, and don't get me started on dental issues. They see a lot of sorrows. They just seem to age faster than their male counterparts of the same age. And too their veneer of civilization has been peeled away … make up, hair, all that false camouflage. I always appreciated that you were more natural in how you approached life, gave me a better idea of what you really looked like."

I chuckled, "You mean you weren't buying a pig in a poke?"

"Uh … if I say yes will it get me in trouble?"

I laughed outright at his look. "No, of course not. But I am realizing that I've missed out on the chance to play dress up and try and knock your socks off."

"Girl, you've been knocking me right out of my socks since the day I met you." Well that led to some cuddling and cooing until I remembered the stew. It was a little scorched on the bottom but Thor laughed off my upset and said it was worth it.

Later that evening I was still struggling with how to tell him I was pretty sure that our timing beat the cow. I sat in my favorite chair by the fire with Lady draped across my feet when suddenly I heard, "Hey, sleepyhead, wouldn't you be more comfortable in the bed?"

I'd fallen asleep without planning to and I knew there was no reason for me to be so tired … at least no more tired than I was any other night. That told me as much as anything else that I couldn't put it off anymore, it wasn't fair to Thor.

I crawled in bed and pulled the covers up and then enjoyed watching him get ready to join me.

"Um, Thor?"

"Hmmm?" he asked as he started to climb in.

"I'm pretty sure I'm pregnant."

Thud! He'd completely missed the bed.


	90. Chapter 90

Chapter 90

I rolled over to the side of the bed and stuck my head over. Thor had a look on his face that made him appear like he'd been hit between the eyes with Mom's best cast iron skillet. We just sort of stared at eatch other. Finally I got tickled at the look on his face and no matter how I tried I could stop the snicker that wanted to escape.

"Rochelle, are you messing with me?" Thor asked suspiciously.

"No," I said choking off another laugh. But then I took a good look at his expresses and started to wonder. "Would … would you prefer that I wasn't?"

He sat up and then got off the cold floor while I moved back over to my side of the bed. However, Thor didn't come back to be but stood before the fireplace.

"Thor?"

"No, I … you just caught me off guard." That's what he said but I was pretty sure that wasn't what he was thinking.

The room was dark except for the light that came from the banked fire in the grate. I was already tired and the limited lighting and the warmth of the pile handmade quilts I was snuggling under weighed my eyelids down.

"Rochelle this changes everything," Thor said abruptly, starting me out of an incipient doze.

With my eyes still closed I said, "No kidding, but it was always going to eventually."

Thor was silent and finally I mustarded enough energy to pry my eyes open a crack. Thor was staring down into the orange coals and his body language told me he was feeling the weight of the world on his shoulders. I started to get out of bed and go to him but Thor turned at the sound of the covers rustling and rumbled, "Stay in bed." But I also heard what he didn't say, "… because you're pregnant."

As tired as I was I was more determined to straighten this out. "You aren't going to get all strange like some guys do are you?"

That finally got me a focused look. "I don't know what you mean."

I yawned, sat up yet again and said, "Bet you do whether you want to admit it or not. For the last time I'm not made of glass. I'm not going to melt in the rain. I'm not going to go all weird just 'cause I've got a bun baking." After a breath I said, "OK, so I might get a little strange – Dad said Mom did – but time will cure that, at least 'til the next one."

He swallowed some spit the wrong direction and coughed out, "Next one?!"

"You only want one? Which flavor?"

"What? No," he said flustered.

"No what? You …"

Starting to come out of the weird twilight zone act Thor growled, "Dang it Rochelle!" I didn't know whether Thor's hair on his head or in his beard was going to need more combing out.

Fluffing my pillow, preparing for a late night discussion I said, "Thor, just tell me …"

I never got to finish. Thor was on my side of the bed in only a couple of steps and he yanked me into his arms. Then it was my turn to squeak; he was hugging me so tight I just about couldn't breathe. Under normal circumstances that might have led to something else but this wasn't normal circumstances, least ways not the first time around I had to tell him I was pregnant. He finally let loose enough that I could tilt my head back and say, "So … you're happy about it?"

Thor kissed the top of my head and instead of answering asked a question of his own, "Have you talked to Ms. Hefling?"

"What's to talk about?" As Thor's eyebrows snapped into an irritated V I told him, "Yes, I did. Today. Relax already."

"Relax?! You're gonna have a baby!"

As dryly as I could managed I said, "Yes I am. And I'm pretty happy since the baby is yours. Not sure how I'd feel otherwise."

Thor gave a good imitation of a wide mouth bass. I kissed him in part to shut his mouth and then because I wasn't tired anymore and had started thinking about something else.

Thor groaned, "Play fair girl. This is what got us into trouble."

"We're not in trouble, we're married. I hope the baby is a boy, I'm not sure I'd know what to do with a girl."

Thor groaned again, admitted defeat by bowing to the inevitable and finally started to relax albeit reluctantly. Just to be contrary I'm sure he said, "Well I hope it's a girl, one just like you."

"Uh uh, not like me," I contradicted a little disturbed at the image of it.

"OK," he admitted. "Maybe not with your same problems but with your personality."

Arching my eyebrow I asked, "You want her to hang around with guys so much she can pass for one?"

Thor got a slightly alarmed look on his face that he quickly hid … but not quickly enough for me not to see it … and said, "OK, so maybe not exactly like you … or me either. I still think a little girl would be best to have first. Chuckri said girls are easier to raise."

I gave him a penetrating look and then he remembered that Chuckri hadn't exactly been right about that particular bit of wisdom and blanched. I smiled and then in compromise I said, "Boy first, then a girl."

Thor got a close to panicked look on his face and said, "Let's get through the first one before we go making a blasted wish list." We both crawled back in the bed from my side and then cuddled for a few minutes just communing without words. "Hon, you sure you're OK? I can't … I … I can't lose you."

"Stop worrying about what we might lose and be joyful about what we've gained. It's not like we're doing this alone."

Thor said with a snort, "You never struck me as someone who bought into the it-takes- a-village crap … especially given your background."

Rolling my eyes whether he could see it or not I told him, "I'm not. I'm talking about God." When Thor didn't say anything I poked him in the ribs.

"Hey!" he yelped. "Watch those boney fingers before they put a hole in me."

"My fingers aren't boney, they are large and capable and I haven't even started trying to give you what for yet," I warned him. "Are you forgetting what Uncle Bedros said?"

Thor sulked, "Bedros isn't here."

I poked him again before saying, "No kidding, but God is and you know it. I thought I was the worrywart in this family. If I'm not worried then you shouldn't be. I trust God to plan things right. And I trust that you're an instrument of God's plan." Then I chuckled.

"I don't see anything funny," Thor said more than a bit miffed.

"Not laughing at you so don't get bent out of shape, I was remembering something my parents used to do. See when things would happen, especially things that looked bad at first glance, one would look at the other and say, 'Romans 8:28 Sweetheart.' They said it a lot."

I could hear the disbelief coloring his voice when Thor asked, "And that made it all better?"

"All better? No, not every time, but it at least got them heading in the right direction. I remember one year Dad had just field of gorgeous corn coming up, some of the best looking he'd ever had. It was only about two feet tall when a freak storm hit our little valley and destroyed all of it; every stalk in every field. All that time and money was just gone in a single night and it was too late to replant … at least in corn. Dad was staring at the sky and Mom and I were really worried. His hands were balled into fists. Then Dad turned around and looked at Mom and said, 'Romans 8:28 Baby' before going to get his truck and take off to the feed store to pick up potatoes and squash seeds."

"And I repeat, that helped?"

I shrugged, "We were the only ones that were damaged by that storm cell. Everyone else felt sorry for us, thought we were finally going under. Had a bunch of offers that didn't even come close to what the farm was worth, even with depressed land values. The price of corn had been going up every year and most farmers were looking to end up well in the black for the first time in a while. Then they approved that new fuel additive out of the blue – you remember that? – and started phasing out ethanol. Mexico had a fantastic harvest and China and Brazil also had bumper crops. Corn prices and futures tanked. Dad worked it out. God letting our corn be destroyed saved the farm. On top of that the squash and potatoes did better than we could have hoped for, primarily because of all of the extra compost that was tilled in. What looked like a disaster at first wound up saving us in the long run."

Thor was quiet so long I thought I'd put him to sleep but then he murmured in my ear, "Fine, we'll try it your way. But I still want a little girl."

I snorted, "You're just afraid you're gonna have one just like you."

Thor shuddered theatrically and said, "Don't jinx us Hon." After some more cuddling we both fell asleep with smiles on our faces.

The next couple of weeks was an exercise in patience for both of us. Thor would try and get over protective and I'd have to set him straight. Then morning sickness finally struck and I became very tired by the end of the day and had to be the one to accept that sometimes he was right about needing more help. He'd take it too far and we'd start all over again.

Thor would get particularly irritable when others would assume I would tote and carry as I always had but I begged him not to say anything to anyone. I was keeping the pregnancy a secret for as long as I could. Only Granny C knew at first and I trusted her not to let the cat out of the bag. Thor soon convinced me to let him tell Mr. Dink and Miz Louise but they too understood and kept the information to themselves.

Eventually I stopped going to town but it wasn't because I was showing; at five months my waist was thicker but I still appeared slimmer than I had when I played football. There was no question that I was pregnant though I sometimes wondered in the beginning if I hadn't been imagining things. That flew right out the window however the first time I felt the baby move and when Thor felt the baby flutter underneath his hand he was almost impossible for over a week. I think becoming a father must be like a huge combined shot of adrenaline, dopamine, and testosterone; it turns some men real strange until their hormones stabilize. But truth be told the biggest reason I didn't go to town was that I just couldn't spare the time to socialize; there was just too much to do.

March and April was garden prepping and planting things in the green house and the hooped row covers. We mulched the garden beds with three inches of organic mulch. That was such a big job that Thor ran the spread on the tractor again. The chickens also wanted out more which meant making sure the blasted things couldn't get out to attract trouble to the rest of the flock. The horses and mules smelled spring and got so frisky that we enlarged the corral so they'd have more room to kick up their heels and frolic. We spent a lot of time pruning trees but to address the work we went in shares with Stro and Sand and their brothers. No one else was informed of the old orchards for obvious reasons. The small branches when through manual shredder and larger one were cut up and put in the wood pile to season for later use. Repairs were made around the farm caused by neglect and the harsh winter weather.

May was time to plant. Since Thor and I had agreed that succession planting rather than a ginormous field of something all planted at once was better for our current needs we would plant several rows of things rather than an acre at a time. Potatoes, corn, winter squash, tomatoes, cucumbers, carrots, and bits of this and that. We'd get to the end and then turn around and start another round that was at least a week separate from the first rows.

One of Thor's reasons for asking me to stay at the farm most of the time was because strangers were beginning to use the highway that ran through town and everyone had learned to be cautious with them.


	91. Chapter 91

Chapter 91

The strangers. I never thought much about the people that used the road through town very much. They were locals, tourists, or strangers and that was the sum total of it. However, since forced to be a traveler for most of a year I had a completely different outlook. I knew how diverse the migrating population here in the country really was. And because of security reasons it was especially important that we all keep an eye on who the travelers were that used what we considered to be "ours" in a much more real and basic way that we ever had before.

The roads no longer belonged to the feds, the state, or the local government … they were "ours" to use and maintain and protect. The buildings – rundown and picked clean or not – didn't belong to the county or some unseen landlord … they were ours, our resource, our shelter, our source of raw materials as need be. Also, the wild edibles surrounding the roads and buildings and off into the woods were just as much ours as the gardens that were intentionally planted. And what was "ours" we would protect.

Locals used the roads certainly, and the buildings in town. Some locals had even moved back into town, turning small office complexes into new businesses or into housing for them and their extended family. No one said anything, nowhere was it written down, but there was an agreement that if someone moved into a building in town then that building was no longer thought of as salvage; however, it was also an unwritten rule that you couldn't claim more than you could physically live in. For instance, a family couldn't move in and suddenly say that they "owned" a whole block so no one else could salvage from it.

For the most part it was a peaceful arrangement though there were a few dust ups, but somehow authority figures began to grow out what was once all haphazard and disorganized. And what grew out of the new organization and efficiency was a realization that what was "ours" was being chipped away by the people using the road through our town.

If you weren't a local you were automatically a stranger, at least in the beginning. As we began to be more observant and traffic on the roads increased the strangers started falling into different categories. Some were legitimate business people that were setting up trade routes or looking to create trade partners. Some were military and civilian security forces; they had their own followers that were like the suttlers of old.

Some were nothing more than opportunists or criminals looking to escape justice in one place, taking what they could as they made their way to a new base of operations to continue their chosen activity. We had a couple of groups like that try and set up shop in Damascas and we were forced to burn them out … literally … after they had victimized some of the weakest in our community. Thor organized those war parties and in the process became the unofficial head of security for our outlying areas.

The worst group by far in my opinion were what I dubbed the pathetic ones. On the one hand they broke your heart, especially the children, but at the same time they didn't seem to want to learn how to take care of themselves. It was like the drive and initiative had been beat out of them. Thor and I had long discussions about this category of people; how they had come to be what they were and if there was any hope for them.

"Hon, save your sympathy. Most of these people spent a lifetime being supported by other people's tax dollars. Their drive to succeed hasn't been beat out of them, it's been bred out of them. They are the result of multi-generational dependency on the government."

Call it being pregnant and hormonal or whatever you want, I didn't want to believe that people couldn't be saved. "It's been over a year since things fell apart. Surely they would have learned by now that no one is going to come along and save them; that they're going to have to save themselves or whatever you want to call it. They have to feed their kids. No one would choose to be a beggar their whole life … would they?"

Thor stooped and kissed my bandana covered head where I was sitting and weeding the garden. "How do you think they've gotten along this far? They take whatever people will give them and then when nothing is left they move on. Some end up joining the highway gangs if they've got any gumption at all, and those are usually the kids, but not even the gangs seem to want these people for much beyond cannon fodder. These are the dregs, former drug addicts, the sick and dying, the women too skanky to even prostitute themselves anymore, and the ones that have given up and chosen to go where ever the tides of life send them."

I shook my head in denial, "Not all of them are like that. Some just look like they've hit a really bad patch in life. All they need is … I don't know … a little help, a little guidance to teach them how to make it in this world because what they came from before was so different they've lost their way."

Thor leaned on the hoe and looked me square in the eye. "You're more tenderhearted than you've ever wanted to let on. I should have known after you picked up those two kids and then just let Chuckri and that woman have them without a by your leave. And don't tell me that didn't hurt because I was there and saw it whether you want to admit it or not."

"It was what was best. Besides, we've got one of our own coming now."

He nodded and said, "And that's why I'm asking you not to go into town anymore if it can be avoided, at least for a while."

When I have him a look … not angry, just suspicious but reserving judgment … he grimaced. "I know. And I know I'm asking a lot but I have my reasons." And he did and I agreed to the restraints on my freedom after hearing him out.

The locals – our people – weren't completely heartless. We had tried to help the strangers as they came through but they didn't make it easy. Eventually at all entrances into town and the backcountry we hung signs that read, "Give a man a fish and you have fed him for today; teach a man to fish and you have fed him for a life time. Welcome to Damascus, all visitors are required to have their own fishing gear." Some signs weren't quite that nice or philosophical. Some simply read, "No Handouts" or "No Beggars" or even more brutally "No warning given! Looters shot on sight!"

Not everyone appreciated the signs. The security forces politely asked that we refrain from intimidating outsiders. We just as politely told them that we'd do what was necessary to protect our own citizens thank you very much for your concern. A few of the migrating groups tried to push their luck and then found out just how serious we were when the town's own security forces – led by a good man by the name of Martin Kildare – started arranging barricades that funneled travelers along the highway with only one or two tightly controlled places to turn around at. You didn't stop except at designated areas outside of the areas of town that were secured. The wall was mostly made up of wrecked cars stacked on top of one another but other debris was used when we ran out of autos.

We weren't unfriendly, just wary. You see the pathetic ones weren't always healthy and often seemed to practice a very lackadaisical hygiene. Our wariness paid off in early June when a group came him that had some members suffering from what the military eventually told us was measles. Seems most of the kids in the group had their vaccinations but the adults had let their booster shots lapse. When we still had access to a fully functional modern hospital the likelihood of death from measles was less than one percent but between one thing and another the military docs told us that measles outbreaks were generally causing a 30% mortality rate in addition to the other complications from measles … ten percent with permanent hearing loss, two or three percent of cases turning into encephalitis usually fatal, five to ten percent of survivors have some permanent loss of sight due to the associated conjunctivitis, and then some kind of degenerative nerve condition that was more common than it should have been.

All in all I agreed – at least for the sake of the baby's safety – to stay on the farm. At first I thought I'd be resentful of staying put on the days Thor went off to meet up with other people whether in town or on one of the outlying farms. While I was on occasion, it was not nearly as often as I thought I would be. For the most part I didn't feel left behind or left out. Strangely enough for a while I was simply content to be left alone. It gave me time to work … and think.

My place in the old gang was changing. I was always part, yet set apart, from my real friends. No matter how accepting they were of me there was always just a little disconnect between their view and my reality. Once I finally made my way in and settled in I was just "one of the guys." But I wasn't, not really, and now my reality was forcing them to change their view. Or maybe it was more true to say that I didn't view myself that way anymore and they were being forced to change because of that.

Not only was I not that young girl anymore, the one whose only goal was to find satisfaction and recognition for being part of the team of young men in all the many guises we grouped in – football, venturing, friendship – I wasn't even a girl anymore but a woman fully grown. I knew my biology would have always set me apart from them no matter what. I knew I was what I was because God had allowed it to be so; and like the Bible tells us had known me from the womb. I didn't resent being a girl. What I had resented for so long was that being a girl had hindered me from doing what I was best at. But my feelings were changing.

I had started to feel that in being Thor's bride, and raising this baby, I was even closer to being what I was created to be. I still wondered what would happen if for some reason my body was set up to make babies that lived beyond my body or that my genes were any good at growing babies at all. I couldn't take that for granted even if I had felt the baby move. And Thor and I had talked about adopting and we might still; given how the world was it wasn't outside of the realm of possibility. I thought about winding up like Granny C and realized that wasn't such a terrible fate if it was the one that God had designed for me.

The day I finally accepted that, accepted that I was no longer the girl I had been but was a woman fully grown I nearly sat down in the middle of the potato patch and laughed at myself and all the silly philosophizing that I had been doing when the answers, in the end, had been so simple and so inevitable. I turned to Lady who was ecstatically smelling the freshly turned dirt of the new hills and said, "'Bout time don't ya think?"

A quiet woof was my reply. Lady was still more quiet than most dogs. Thor and Jimmy Ray had had some luck encouraging her to call for hunting which drew her out of her shell with each success, but she was still pretty quiet for a hound. She did howl on occasion and she was eloquent when she did it. She had a call that was particular to Thor but she would only do it when he'd been gone all day and didn't come home until we'd come inside for the night. She had another that was for either Stro, Sand, or one of the few others we'd taught her was friend. Thor and I could also tell the difference if she smelled someone she knew but wasn't a "friend" and when she smelled a stranger. Her hunting calls were different from her announcement of human presence.

Jimmy Ray had found the carcasses of what he suspected where her mother and litter mates. They were in a fancy dog run and kennel behind a house that had obviously been broken into by a bear from all the claw marks. Something had gotten to the mom and some of the pups, the others look like they had starved to death. Whether Lady was the only one to escape through the open gate was uncertain but she was the only loose hound pup that anyone had admitted to finding. Luckily he was able to salvage the breeding records from the kennel's office and used those to trace to another breeder that was happy to get rid of his remaining dogs so he could migrate to his son's place in good conscience and unencumbered.

Jimmy Ray was like a kid at Christmas and was soon to bring a good income to his family raising and training dogs. In the process he met a woman that was a dog handler for a private security company. She was about seven years older than him but apparently everyone was pleased at the attachment they were developing, especially Jimmy Ray's family. Her name was Gloria and when her company disbanded after several communities could no longer employ them she decided that Damascus looked like a good place to settle down and she and Jimmy Ray were often seen together … with a dog or three between them.

The lives of all my old gang were changing. Stro was married with three children to raise, Sand had his hands full at home too between Sarah and their new baby. Johnson and Lawson were learning to be uncles and were looking over the crop of young women that lived in the area … most of whom were guarded by very careful male relatives leaving them to do most of their romantic shopping amongst the sisters and daughters in families that already knew them well, though that had its down side as well. The other guys were just as busy looking or courting their prospects, at least when they had a spare moment. There was so much work to be done that no one had much time to play.

May gave way to June and my lettuce was giving me enough greenery that I could send some to town with Thor to trade to those that hadn't been able to grow their own. The alliums were also making a good crop – chives, scallions, pearl onions, and the larger onions; I dried some, canned some, braided a bunch of them together and hung them up, and still had a few to trade, though not many were left over once I'd taken what I thought we'd need. My one great pregnancy mistake was when I first had to thin them out. Instead of putting the thinned out ones in for the chickens – you never give alliums to pigs – I wound up eating them myself in some strange craving. Oh glory did I pay for that for two days … and Thor did too because my belches would have made Sasquatch's eyes water.

The cabbage I horded jealously. The heads were huge and beautiful and I decided to keep them all and trade only if my fall crop, the plants that I had just started in the green house, did as well as my summer crop was doing. I was just setting my first celery seedlings out of doors, the same as a lot of my later crops like sweet potato, tomatoes, pepper plants, winter squash, and melons. Everything was growing by leaps and bounds … except my belly. I could still see my toes despite being six months along. The baby was growing however because Miz Louise showed me how to measure where the top of my uterus was and she said I was "on track" whatever that meant.

I'd get the most awful backaches though, worse than I ever did when I played football. "Well Sugar, I reckon it's because you're all muscle compared to most women. Your abdominal muscles are keeping you all held in, like a girdle. That means the baby is growing up inside you instead of out. You're jus lucky you're as long as you are or I reckon you'd be having a lot of trouble breathing in the coming months. But after hearing you let in to that boy Lawson letting his horse wander into your seed bed," she laughed. "It doesn't sound atal' like you've got that problem right yet."

Nope. I could still give a royal what for when called upon. Lawson swore that had to have been the mules that untied his horse from the corral fence but I wasn't having none of it. Even if it was the mules – and I didn't necessarily doubt that they hadn't gotten up to mischief and done exactly what he claimed that must have – the fact of the matter he should have known better. Thor put a hitching post right there in plain sight and he would have only had to walk another five steps to have done the thing properly.

Poor Lawson, but he wasn't the only one that got the rough side of my temper when they came around and caused me extra work because they didn't use commonsense. I nearly threw a skillet at Johnson when he let the kitchen door slam and a cake I was baking fell flat as a flitter as a result. Earl Lee, one of Coach's grandsons, caught heck when he didn't latch the chicken yard gate the right way and the wind yanked it open.

Still, the lot of 'em would still slink around if Thor was home. They'd make out some excuse that they'd come to see him about something but somehow or other they all left with some cookies, doughnuts or a slice a cake in their belly. They knew better than to come if Thor wasn't home because I usually had a to do list as long as my leg of things they could help me with and since it is no secret how tall I am that was some long list.

That list in June included helping me to pick all of the cherries and mulberries that were coming in. Thor nearly had a coronary when he caught me up in the cherry tree; sometimes I kind of forgot I was pregnant. Rather than have him glowering and stomping around I promised I would stay out of the trees if he would wrangle Stro or Jimmy Ray to come help pick them. Since I knew both of them could eat cherry or mulberry pie all day long and still have room for more paying them in a good meal and a pie to take home was a lot easier than having Thor hover.

I wasn't unhappy with the way life was changing for me but it sure did take getting used to. And I swore to Thor that if Stro or Sand called me "Mawmaw" one more time … as in "Yes, Mawmaw, we uns will get right on that right now so we don't get a whoopin'" or "Yes Mawmaw, we won't play over thar 'cause it might be get something broken" or something equally as provoking … that I would not be answerable for the damage I would do to them.

"They're just joking Hon," Thor chuckled.

"Yeah, well the joke's gonna be on them. See if there's any more sweets for them anymore if they're gonna act like buncha escapees from the local asylum. And it isn't funny so stop laughing," I grumped at seeing his big, toothy grin.

He got up from the chair and came over to where I was canning pickled beets and pulling jars of cherry preserves out of my stoneware cooker to sit on the counter to cool. He started trying to sweeten me up and a nearly dropped a jar. "Stop it … and behave," I told him, smiling despite myself.

"Nope. I like it too much. And as for that pack of wild things you call friends, they're just being boys."

"Boys?!" I squawked. "Most of them are older than I am. I swear, sometimes I wonder if you aren't the only one of them that has any sense at all. Even Sand has been acting reckless lately."

He kissed my neck and made me squeal and then ran backwards a few feet when I threatened to whap him with the flyswatter I always kept handy. He may have moved back fast but he was still smiling. Then he sat back down at the table where he had a stack of papers he was staring at and sighed, "Yeah, I've noticed it too. Must be Spring in the air or something. That's why, even though I tell them it's so I don't take too many out of any one family at a time when I'm working up the rosters for the security details, I'm really trying to separate some of them. I'm surprised they have the energy to fool around with all the work there is to do these days."

When I mentioned it to Mr. Dink he explained, "More likely they're just happy to be alive. Last year this time was a lot worse. Depressing. Hard. Now they can see the fruits of their labor have paid off. They've got hope. That's all it is … youthful energy and hope."

Yeah well, according to my grandmothers youthful energy and reckless hope lead to shenanigans that can put you in an early grave if you aren't careful. And that's what nearly happened to Jimmy Ray's cousin one night. We hadn't seen a raider in a long time. A lone stranger might slip through here and there. Someone would report a shirt missing off the clothesline, or the day's eggs gone before the farmer's wife could get to them, but it had been a while since anything major had occurred.

I heard about it second hand from Thor and it gave me a sick feeling in my stomach. The boy lost his pinkie and ring finger on his left hand, they were so broken there was no way to say them. A raiding party had been using the AT to make their way out of the North heading for who knows what who knows where. They had heard that the military and civilian security forces were retaking the roads and hoped to continue their ways while avoiding confrontations by using the US trail system. They picked it up outside of Harrisburg, Pennsylvania and I guess for a while there were enough small towns for them to steal from that they did fairly well. But the further south they went the leaner the pickings became and the fewer their numbers wound up being because it seems people had hardened and were more likely to shoot a dicey looking stranger rather than just stand there and give themselves a chance to be robbed.

Sickness had hit the group and halved their number right before they got to Damascus so they did the first smart thing they had done in a while. They went to ground and watched and waited instead of immediately attacking whatever moved. They were in the process of planning an attack on an outlying homestead when the security team and the raiders surprised each other on a path where the only light was from the moon dappling the ground from between the thick forest canopy above.

It was a fight to the death, thankful none of our people's though there were some serious injuries and trust me when I say Thor used it as a teaching opportunity for everyone else. When someone is drawing a gun on you is not the time to give them an optimistic benefit of the doubt. And yakking and having a good time is not what security patrols are supposed to be about. Keeping people from being dead is what security patrols are about and that's serious business and if you can't handle that then stay home so we don't have to bury you instead.

Jimmy Ray, whose lady friend had been on that patrol, was particularly incensed at his cousin's casual disregard for the rules and threatened to pound him into the ground if he consented to living. His uncle told him to knock it off or likely his cousin might just decide he preferred death over what was likely to be waiting on him when he woke up good.

"I don't want him dead, I just want him hurtin'," Jimmy Ray fussed.

Thor told him with a slap on his shoulder in understanding, "He's already hurting and my guess his pride is going to keep him that way for a while. Gloria is going to be fine so why don't you give yourself some breathing room and go sit with her for a bit."

Gloria would be fine, but she limped for nearly a month. She tried to use it as an excuse to give Jimmy Ray a chance to change his mind about wanting to marry her. Jimmy Ray for his part told her if she didn't want to walk down the aisle he'd just tote her to the minister's house instead but come heck or high water they were getting hitched before he went plumb crazy. Good thing Gloria was the tolerant type. Of course she was a woman that could give as good as she got and seemed to think that Jimmy Ray was just her type of all the crazy things.

That put June into July and I didn't know whether I was coming or going. Every day something came out of the garden or out of the fruit trees. Apricots, the last of the cherries which I dried rather than canned, more figs than I could tend to before they got too ripe so a bunch of them went to market with Thor. More mulberries and then the blackberries and raspberries had me out in the hedge rows every morning before it got too hot and buggy. I was also drowning in peaches, nectarines, and plums. I needed help but there wasn't really anyone to call except Mr. Dink and Miz Louise and they were "traipsing about" while the weather was warm enough to enjoy it. Sarah, who my mother had always depended on, had her own work cut out for her with the baby and her own garden.

There were a few days I nearly cried in fatigue and would have if I hadn't been afraid of Thor seeing me. I didn't get many visitors in July either because Thor was running extra patrols after hearing from the military that a lot of the less affected areas of the northeast were starting to farm out their less desirables to the "badlands" to get rid of them. That meant more work for us at a minimum and trouble more than likely.

July turned into August but that only meant the changing of the kind of work, certainly not the lessening of it. In the garden I was dealing with celery, sweet potatoes, tomatoes, and peppers. Add winter and summer squashes, potatoes, cucumbers, melons, corn, and beans as well as pears and clearing the tail end of the trees that had nearly finished fruiting so absolutely nothing went to waste and it was no wonder I was snappish on occasion when Thor came in a little too loud and happy.

After one particularly nasty outburst I slapped my hand over my mouth and ran out of the house. I wanted to be any place but where I had just made a fool of myself. Thor caught me easy enough because although I didn't pooch out much my waist had disappeared and as had been predicted my lungs couldn't always draw a deep breath because junior was standing up in them.

"Hey …. Hey," he said as he caught me and gently swung me around and into his arms.

"I'm so sorry. You didn't sign up for this. You sure don't deserve me screeching at you like an old hag," I snuffled into his shirt.

"Let's go back inside. The mosquitoes are getting a referendum together whether to carry us both off at the same time or just one at a time."

Once we were back inside I apologized again, "I am sorry. I don't know what comes over me sometimes."

"You're feeling cooped up."

I glanced up in surprise. "Well … no, not really. I like staying on the farm. I mean I miss riding with you and being with you all the time but … you always come home, every day, even when it would just be easier to sack out in someone's spare room for the night."

"Oh … uh … I was wondering if you'd noticed."

"Yeah," I sighed. "And I'm sorry I didn't tell you before that I've appreciated it."

"Stop apologizing woman. I didn't realize how tired you've gotten until just now. You've been hiding things from me. But I should have known. It's not like I don't know those jars don't just automatically refill themselves by magic. If I'm tired after a day of helping you you've got to be doubly tired on the days you do it by yourself."

"I'm fine," I shook my head and then had to laugh. "Listen to us. We must be nuts. There's not a jot or tittle that either one of us can do about how much work living is. If we want to eat this winter then we work this summer. That's all there is to it. I've just never had to do this on my own before. Mom and Dad were always here to tell me what to do. There was always a book or the Internet to look things up if I didn't know about something. Now I have to remember things I didn't even realize I'd forgotten. I'm so scared I'm going to make a mistake I just …"

I shuddered to a stop and as I leaned back in Thor's embrace. "And the baby's coming." At Thor's alarmed look I laughed, "Not right this second. Geez. I just mean … I'm … I want to do it right. I've only got one month left to prepare for Junior and it feels like I've barely got anything done. Even sewing all day on Sundays I don't have much for him. I haven't even finished moving my stuff out of my old room and setting up his nursery."

"Her nursery and that is something we are supposed to do together." He sighed. "Rochelle …"

"Don't," I told him quietly. "Some of this is just hormones. I know it. You know it. There's not a thing you can do about it. And you can't change the amount of work I've got either. It just is. I'm OK with that. But … but maybe … if you wouldn't mind …"

"Anything," he said.

I shook my head and told him, "You know better than to volunteer something like that."

"For you I would do anything."

We kissed and cuddled for a while, "Just listen to me if I need to talk. Sometimes I just need to even when I don't want to. Jonathon was good at reading me when I got like that. It's not fair I should expect the same thing with you and I'm sorry but if you could … just …"

"Hon, I'm not mad. That boy was your friend your whole life but you picked me. I want to believe you would have picked me even if he hadn't died. And since he was such a good friend to you and nothing else I'm not going to go idiot jealous over his memory. But you're going to have to clue me in … and I'm going to have to look closer."

"Don't, you're making me feel even worse," I said after blowing my nose. "I know you're tired too. I see it in you and in the horses … the miles you've covered, the things you've seen. Maybe I do miss that freedom a little but right now my world is the farm. I know it's small for it to be my whole world but that is about all I can handle right now. Someone has to go further out, keep us connected. Everything is just … I don't know … some days I feel like I can hardly breathe for all that is going on. For both of us." I blew my nose again and stiffened my spine and stood up. "Now how does venison stew over ramen noodles and peach pie for dessert sound?"

"Like a slice of Heaven," Thor said getting up to wash up.

Fatigue really was a problem for both of us. I can't imagine what it would have been like if I had been a regular type of female and unprepared for the kind of heavy labor I was doing. I'd heard by the grapevine that some extended families moved in together just so the women could share the workload, or they would at least move closer together so they could meet in the middle and help each other out. I was hoping next year that I'd have figured something else out as there was no way I was just going to have kids to lighten the workload around the farm.

As the days continued to roll by I still had my moments but talking the feelings out did help. Thor and I continued to learn about each other and our pasts and it brought more understanding. The one thing I couldn't tell him because I knew he already worried at it, was how scared I was starting to get about the baby. Everything felt "normal" although with me that wasn't a definition that I used regularly. But we wouldn't know for sure until our little him or her was born. I didn't know if I'd be able to do it for one and the thought of what they might do to Thor kept me praying for his sake as much as mine and the baby's. I personally didn't know what I'd do if the baby was born with the same kind of problems I'd been born with. How could I not feel responsible for that?

And I was scared to death to tell anyone I was pregnant. I was hiding it, hiding from it or at least other people's reaction to it, and Thor and I both knew it. He humored me though he admitted he'd nearly slipped a few times. I was scared what would people say? How would they treat our baby? Would they consider it a mutant just like I'd grown up being made to feel? What if our baby was different? Would Thor and I face the same type of things my parents faced? And I just didn't trust word not to get out either. I didn't know if all of the greenies were gone or if there were remnants of them someplace. Rarely was it mentioned, in fact hadn't been mentioned for months that I knew of, about my connections to the greenies. But there were new settlers in town and I wasn't sure I wanted that part of my past shared, certainly didn't want to dump that kind of thing on my baby.

Little did I know that my worries were far from groundless and that there things in my near future that I could certainly have gone a lifetime without living and been perfectly content without experiencing.


	92. Chapter 92

Chapter 92

September can be a beautiful month in the mountains. The days are usually still warm but the worst of the summer heat is gone. Towards the end of the month the nights can have a bite to it but it isn't time to pull out the long johns yet. The month is the last bright flash before Autumn. Much of the garden gives up the last of its bounty but the orchard and forest are still going strong. Along the edge of the forest are the nut trees – almonds in protected niches, chestnuts rare but still there if you know where to look, pecans planted in old woodlots, and then deeper in the forest you can find walnuts and hickory nuts.

Thor and I gathered all by the bushel basket full. I would rake them into piles and Thor would scoop them up. I could now look at myself in the mirror and say without a doubt that I was having a baby. If I left my shirt untucked or was wearing overalls which had become my habit you still wouldn't notice it at first glance; but it would take a second glance to see it wasn't just fat hanging around my middle these days. Sometimes my stomach moved so much that it was like having an alien about to burst out.

One day in mid-September Stro and Sand met us at the old orchard. I had finally agreed with Thor that it was time to let the cat out of the bag to a few folks … a very few. When we were deciding the who I told him it might as well be them since they'd be seeing me for the apple picking anyway. The problem was that it was easier said than done.

While Thor and I had said that we would tell about the baby when it came right down to it neither one of us knew how to bring it up in conversation. We'd start and then the conversation would turn to something else. It was a slippery as a fresh caught trout. The longer we worked picking the apples the harder it seemed to become. Eventually we just looked at each other and grinned, then shrugged and stopped worrying about it.

The day was beautiful with just a little chill on the breeze so while I took off my jacket I left my flannel shirt on over the top of my overalls and t-shirt. I'm sure Stro and Sand thought nothing of it as I had dressed in similar fashion pretty much any time I worked on the farm or during 4H meets. My clothes weren't cheap to get – the prices in the Big and Tall shops were fairly outrageous and even when Mom or I made my clothes the yardage and patterns could be pretty flaming expensive – and I tried my best to keep what clothes I had in good repair, reserving only the most durable and easily cleaned for field work.

The harvest was decent considering the age of the trees and the fact that the only fertilizing they had gotten came from the little bit of manure I could spare from the other fields. Each tree produced about eight to ten bushels per mature standard tree. There was a couple of rows of semi dwarf that my parents had planted when I was in middle school and they were producing between five and eight bushels per tree. The fruit was starting to fall and I gathered up bushels of that just to throw to the pigs and chickens. I noticed that Stro and Sand did the same thing for their stock.

We'd lost a few trees over the winter but I had marked them the preceding year as the weakest. The did make blooms in the spring but I never had to thin them because the blooms seemed to take the last of their strength. A couple of them had been girdled by deer as well and I was surprised we hadn't seen more sign that the deer had come back for the fruit. When I said something Sand said the deer were really being hunted over pretty good and now you had to go deep into the forest to get any or catch them just right coming out of the forest to hit the fields.

I nodded but also made a note to myself to come back for the apple wood so that it could be cut and stacked to be used in the smoker or for small furniture repairs. There was an old cabinet in the pantry that I was thinking of turn into a spice cabinet and apple wood knobs would make the drawers easier to pull out.

The only thing that marred the day for me was the flock of ravens that had decided to pester us. For some reason ravens just really bother me, probably because according to my grandmothers they were harbingers of death. In the cornfield or in the orchard they can cause a lot of damage, they are worse than crows in that respect because they are so smart. They can also be mean though Dad swore it was more their way of playing. Playing my foot; if you've ever been chased by ravens you won't find a thing fun about it. A few will also mimic human speech patterns which is just freaky as all get out when you are in the forest. Lady and the cats had finally taught the ravens to minimize their visits to our fields but that had apparently not extended to the orchard area. Even the mules had gotten irritated enough with them on occasion to snap at them when they caught them trying to pick through their feed.

Ravens are bold as brass and simply saying "Shoo!" doesn't phase them. I was picking a tree and something I did must have set a few of them off because I became a target. They rushed at me and got a few pecks in but when I screamed and swatted at them it was more in anger than fear. I saw the guys rushing over but I'd done the silly thing and lost my temper royally. I stomped over to our wagon, ripped off my flannel shirt, grabbed my compound bow and shot off my whole quiver before I calmed down.

Thor stepped forward and with a calming smile as he took the bow from me asked, "Feel better?"

I grumbled, "No. I missed as many as I hit. Junior kept kicking me in the ribs."

Then Stro made a strangling noise then tried to say, "Uh … Rocky …"

I turned around and snapped, "Yes I am. What of it?"

Stro's surprise gave way to a good natured grin. "Well that explains Granny's looks every time someone started to wonder why you didn't hang around with us much any more."

Sand came over and after giving Thor a hearty handshake he gave me a hug. "Sarah, Tina, and a couple of the other women said it was because you'd finally turned into a real girl."

I rolled my eyes and said, "I've always been a real girl." Thor put his arm around me. He knew how the stereotype bothered me.

Stro made us both laugh though when he got a grievous look on his face and said, "I tried to tell them that but they threw a wet rag at me." After a second he asked more seriously, "Why didn't you say something before now?"

I shrugged, uncomfortably aware I might have hurt his feelings. Thor said, "People have big mouths and we still don't know if all the greenies or their sympathizers have been weeded out. It was nothing personal. When we did decide it was time to say something you two were the first we thought of … though Mrs. Hefling, Mr. Dink, and Ms. Louis all know."

Stro nodded his understanding as did Sand. It was Stro however that added, "And even if they aren't green sympathizers there are some people that still suck on their feet out of habit. If it was me I wouldn't want too many people knowing either but you should let some of us know in case … you know you need something. When's the baby coming anyway?"

I said, "A couple of weeks or less."

Thor had to pound on Sand's back because he started choking on the spit that had gone down the wrong way and I told Stro to put his jaw back in its socket and close his mouth.

"Honest to Pete," Sand finally gasped. "Rocky are you sure?!"

I rolled my eyes and said, "Yeah yeah." I was embarrassed by their oversized reactions.

"I swear Sarah is going to flip a switch. And get jealous too more likely. She was huge by the time she was as far along as you say you are. I'm going to have a hard time convincing her you're pregnant at all. The only reason I can tell for sure is because you admitted to it."

I shrugged it off by saying, "I'm already huge thank you very much. I guess God figured it was kinder not to go making me much bigger."

I went over and pulled the picnic boxes from under the sheet I had covered them with and started setting the lunch food out. I saw Sand and Thor talking earnestly but Stro came up to me and sat down on his haunches to help. "I'm not an invalid. I'm just pregnant."

Stro said, "No kidding. Look, it's OK. You're a girl. It happens."

For some reason that tickled my funny bone and I smiled despite my discomfort. Stro always did break things down into the real simple. "Seriously Rocky, just because no one can say you aren't a real girl anymore it doesn't have to change all of us still being friends."

I smiled again but told him, "Some people are always bound to talk. I'm used to it and Thor could care less what most people thing; he'll just growl at them if they get annoying. I just … the baby you know? It's not his fault it got stuck with me for a mom."

"Hey, if I was a kid you'd be a cool mom to have."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, you'd always have someone to play football with."

He grinned back, "That's the truth. But enough jokin' around. You OK? I mean for real OK? All that GWB stuff OK inside you?"

I was surprised to find my friend was really worried for me, not just about me. I answered him as honestly as I could. "So far so good."

"And … you know … the baby?"

"That's the billion dollar question isn't it?" I sighed. "We don't know. No GWB had ever gotten pregnant as far as I know, or at least as far as any of us were told. They weren't even sure if any of us could … you know … procreate so to speak. They usually talked like it wasn't a good idea but I think that was more for … you know, societal reasons, than anything else. I just avoided thinking about it to be truthful. Never really thought my life would go this direction."

"But do you … you like it? How your life is turning out?" he asked in a strange tone.

I gave him a look. "Are you and Tina having … um … problems?"

He sighed, "Sometimes. We really need a place of our own but at the same time we need to be where we're at because Tina can't take care of the twins and Lulu by herself all the time when I'm gone. Lulu is a pistol and the twins are twice as bad. This winter Gramps and I are gonna see if we can plan something out in that little clearing that is too rocky to grow anything in. Its more than that though. She feels … second best I guess you would say; that the only reason I married her was because Janie wasn't around anymore and I needed someone else to save."

"Did you?"

"Heck no. I may be book stupid but I'm not crazy. Tina was like … the first girl I was really serious about. Once I got a look at her I just never wanted to look at anyone else. That thing with her dad nearly killed me. I used to try and sneak over and ask her to wait until I could prove to him that I was able to take care of her like she deserved. But she told me … she told me not to bother because she knew her dad would never change and I knew she was right. You weren't the only one that thought Romeo and Juliet was just about the dumbest story ever written so I tried to move on. Truth is I was with Janie more because of Tina than I'm with Tina because of Janie."

"Have you told Tina that?"

He shrugged. "I don't know how to say it without hurting her feelings."

"Maybe it wouldn't hurt her in a bad way. She'd see how bad that whole situation hurt you, you'd get it out in the open, and then y'all could work through the rest."

"Maybe. Just don't want to bad mouth her dad now that he's dead and can't defend himself."

"Well you're not dead … and neither is she. No one says you have to call him dung but you should be honest about your own pain otherwise she might think you didn't feel anything at all."

After a moment he shook himself and asked, "How did this wind up being about me? We were talking about you."

I just grinned and handed him a plate while I called Thor and Sand to come get theirs. Thor was serious as he sat down next to me. I asked him, "What?"

His nose flared which was never a good sign. "I was all set to let the cat out of the bag but apparently that new group, the one that came in the other day and looks like they are trying to set down roots, started asking some pointed questions."

In alarm I asked, "About me?"

Sand answered, "No. They were asking in a round about way for Mr. Griffey and a couple of other locals that we found out the hard way had Green Warrior sympathies."

I wasn't scared for myself since I'd already faced such groups a few times and survived but a fear I'd never felt before caused my hands to move protectively in front of my stomach. I hadn't realized I'd even done it until I noticed the men noticing me do it. I forced myself calm and my hands down and said, "Look I'm not in denial so don't think that but just because …"

Stro, ignoring my attempt to find an alternative explanation to Thor, "I'm in. Whatever you plan you can count on me. My whole family too I'm sure. No way are we gonna put up with that crap, and sure ain't gonna let 'em get anywhere near Rocky."

I rolled my eyes and said, "Down boy." I was summarily ignored by all three of them.

They continued to talk and plan as they ate. We finished and they were still talking … or should I call it man strategizing … so I stacked the plates and empty containers in the boxes, covered them back up and then pointedly got back to work. They could plan all they wanted to but I knew in the end they would still need my consent and cooperation. Eventually they would remember that too and then we would parley. I gathered my arrows and piled the carcasses of the ravens out of the way and went back to work. Out of the corner of my eye I watched a vixen and her kits carry the birds off.

I filled all of my bushel baskets and had started to carry them to empty into the wagon bed Thor jumped up. "Hey. You fill, I carry and empty. Remember?"

"You were busy and I need the baskets emptied."

That was the end of their pow wow. Progress picked back up and all three wagons were soon filled. Sand and Stro took the backroads to hook up with their brothers who had spend the day hunting together. Thor and I headed home and parked the wagon in the storage shed before heading to do evening chores.

Lady was happy to have us home and followed me all over … garden, barn, coupe, and finally into the house where Thor met me with a surprise. A dinner of stew and dumplings was nearly done and he'd even made a little almond butter to spread on slices of fruit cake.

"Wow. What's the occasion?" I asked truly flabbergasted.

"Can't a guy just …"

I cut him off with a raised eyebrow, his innocence giving him away. "OK fine. I was just trying to head you off from being angry."

"And why would I be angry?" I asked, better at the innocent act than he was.

He grinned. "you're going to milk this aren't you?"

"To the last drop," I agreed.

He laughed before getting down on his knee. "Oh great and powerful warrior woman … please forgive us for leaving you out of the plans and …"

I couldn't help it, it was my turn to laugh. "Get up you loon."

He did and then hugged me, putting his large hand where we could both feel the baby squirming. "Active little thing isn't she?"

"He. And yes, though it is different than it was. He doesn't seem to have as much room to boogie around in."

"She giving you a hard time?" We went back and forth like that all the time; it was a game we played. To be honest I wanted a little boy first but either flavor was fine, I just wanted a healthy one.

Dinner was a memory as were the dishes and the last few chores when Lady howled right before there was a pounding on the kitchen door.


	93. Chapter 93

Chapter 93

Lady's call was for "friend" but Thor and I looked at each other and went into defensive mode before answering the door at the second set of bangs. Thor jerked the door open and I covered him. Lawson stood there with Stro nearly bending him double trying to hold his brother up.

Thor reached out and pulled both men in and once we had the door bolted they lifted Stro up onto the table and I went to work on him while Thor asked for a report. I could tell Stro wasn't unconscious but he wasn't completely with it either.

"Everything was going as planned. Stro and Sand met Johnson and I. Hunting was good," Lawson wheezed. Hearing that I looked over and then threw Thor a smaller first aid kit and he started cleaning Lawson's busted nose clogged with drying blood and his swollen mouth. "We each got two good sized bucks; two deeper in the forest that we field dressed and hung in the trees and two that we had at the pick up point. I told Johnson he could have those two and that Stro and I would take the wagon home and then go get the other two since it was closer to our place than theirs."

Thor asked, "Was it a bear?"

"Been easier if it was. It was some men … I guess about a half dozen to maybe ten of them. I never got a good count." Lawson looked over at me where I was still working on Stro. "I only recognized one of them. It was Cliff Dunkirk."

That made me pause briefly and look up before pulling a pre-threaded suture kit from the big bag Mom had always used when a field hand had gotten hurt. Stro moaned and I said, "Be still Stro. Your eyebrow is split worse than that time you face planted on that rock on the Chatooga. I have to stitch it up."

I got another groan then it was obvious he was trying to brace himself before saying, "Go ahead but make me pretty. I don't want to scare Tina."

Lawson seemed to deflate with relief. He tried to stiffen back up and finish telling Thor what had occurred but it was a losing battle as reaction set in.

"They jumped us. We were being real careful just in case there were any bears so it isn't like we surprised them. They were hiding in the bushes waiting for us. I think … I think it was an ambush. They meant to Rocky. I can't believe that Cliff …"

Thor looked at me and asked, "Whose Cliff?"

"One of us … or was one of us. You've met him once I think. Remember the first time you met Sarah? All the boys coming out of the woods? He was one of them. I haven't seen much of him but didn't think too much of it because I was always hearing about him from Johnson or Lawson or one of the other younger guys. The Dunkirk place is even further out than Jimmy Ray's, closer to Abingdon." I shook my head trying not to let my anger get the better of me while I was working on Stro. "His dad was a Deacon in our church."

Lawson added, "He died at the school. Cliff's mom … she eventually got together with Mr. Llewellyn. But as far as I know Cliff was cool with it. Mr. Lew is a good guy, totally about the family and all that. Mr. Lew's wife died at the school too. The families had been friends like forever and … you know … Granny said it was all good. Why would Cliff …?"

Thor asked, "And you sure the guy you recognized was definitely this Cliff?"

"Yeah. Absolutely. He's hard to miss. He's got this birthmark that looks like a red patch covering his right eye."

"That's the guy? The one with the port wine stain on his face?"

I said, "Yeah, that's him. He is … was … a lot of girls used to think he was a sweetheart."

Lawson rolled his eyes before muttering, "Oh geez."

I rolled my eyes at Lawson's exaggerated words as I snipped the thread on the last stitch as Stro asked – and was refused – some help to sit up. So he laid there and said, "Yeah, it was pretty boy Cliff all right. The one with the gorgeous hair."

"You guys are such dorks. It wasn't just his hair that the girls liked."

With a slightly conspiratorial grin Lawson said, "But you never did Rocky."

I shrugged, "All of you guys were like brothers. I never thought of any of you all like that. And Cliff was a real puppy most of the time. That's why Coach had him on third string; he wouldn't play hard enough because he said he was always afraid of hurting someone." I looked at Thor and explained, "Don't let these guys fool you. Cliff could have been good, maybe better than all of us, but he didn't have the heart for it the way he needed to. He had great hands but he wouldn't fight hard enough when it really counted. Almost every time he could have won the game, he lost it for us instead."

Thor and I switched; he helped Stro up off the table and into a chair by the stove and I went to work finishing up Lawson.

Thor nodded, "Finish the story and we'll worry about why your friend Cliff pulled a Mr. Hyde later."

Stro said, "It was getting kind of late. I knew by the time we got back home it would be full dark and had turned to say something … I forget what … to Lawson when it felt like a rock had been slammed into me."

Lawson explained, "Someone had taken a shot but caught his pack. I looked inside and his mess kit is pretty well useless … the heavy duty one that your Dad gave us Rocky."

I nodded remembering the mess kits Dad had picked up at a Surplus store on one of our adventures. "Are your bruised?" I asked Stro.

"Not too bad. I'll be sore tomorrow but I'd rather be sore than dead. Mostly it just startled me. Lawson figured out what was happening and pushed me to the ground and then aimed at some bushes where the shot had come from. I don't think they had much ammo or they lost their heads or something because they wound up rushing us rather than trying to shoot us again."

"Did you stop shooting?" Thor asked them.

"Heck no," Stro said outraged. "Lawson got one and I got one before we both got piled on by the rest of them. They were big guys and knew what they were doing. One of them had a club and caught me good and I was out of it but not so much that I didn't hear when Lawson got his rifle back up and took out two more of them and then the rest run off. I just couldn't seem to focus and answer when Lawson kept calling me. Nothing wanted to work. I was totally cracked and scrambled."

Thor wanted to know, "Lawson did any of the others besides Cliff look familiar?"

"No, but it was getting dark up under the trees. But if I had to swear one way or the other I would say no, I'd never seen them before."

Thor went downstairs with Lawson and put the call out to the others on the radio chain. And they named names in case Cliff or his cohorts tried anything again … or had tried anything in the past that hadn't been reported.

I asked Stro, "Are you sure it was Cliff?"

"You mean because him and Lawson didn't always get along?" At my nod Stro said, "It was Cliff. You can't miss that birthmark. And even if someone tried to frame him by painting their face that way they couldn't do it all. The hair, the build, the voice … it was definitely him. Jimmy Ray is going to be upset when he finds out, Cliff was courting his cousin and they were talking about a spring wedding."

"Oh good gravy, that's all we need."

Thor and Lawson came back up and asked, "What's all we need?"

"A feud." I washed my hands and then got a pot of water boiling to clean the first aid gear and another of cider to make a hot punch. "Apparently Cliff and Jimmy Ray's cousin were seeing each other. If it does turn out that Cliff has gone to the dark side Jimmy Ray is going to pound him hard and I don't even want to know what his uncle is going to do."

I could see Thor trying real hard not to say the wrong thing so I took pity on him. "Mountain feuds don't have to make sense to occur but this one will to most folks and that will only make it worse. If we can keep people from picking sides based on old loyalties it might just die a natural death but only if Cliff is proven guilty beyond a shadow of a doubt and receives some kind of punishment. If it turns into a killing feud before real justice gets done it could undo everything the town has been working towards."

Thor had a few choice words for knuckleheads that I won't repeat. They were colorful, colloquial, multi-lingual, and more true than not. When he was finished Lawson said, "Dang Dude, that was impressive. I thought Dad could lay it all out but I think you might just have him beat."

I rolled my eyes once again and tried to remember that Lawson was my age and not still in middle school. Stro wasn't grinning though and I asked him, "Blurry vision, trouble hearing … anything?"

"My head hurts but that's about it besides getting angry. You know if it was just the venison they could have had it. I'm not going to begrudge helping someone who is starving though it would have been more polite to have asked. It is the rest of it that is making me mad. Who would take care of my littles if something happened to me? What would happen to Tina? She's already been through enough, we all have. Dad needs both Lawson and I … so do Granny and Gramps. Who would take our place? I just want to know why those guys did what they did … and then I want to pound them into the ground for it."

I could see he was shaking a little though he was trying not to show it so I pulled a blanket off the shelf in the mud room where I keep a couple of extra in case we have to strip in there and draped it over Stro's shoulders. "Take it easy. You've lost some blood and you're a little shocky. I'm not convinced you don't have a concussion either. Here, sip on this punch … you too Lawson. You need some warm and sweet in your system."

"What did Dad say?" Stro wanted to know.

"They were just getting worried. Your Dad said he'll be over at first light but that it isn't safe to blunder around in the dark in case we have another group of highwaymen in the area."

Lawson snickered, "Tina said you better mind Rocky or she'll know why not."

Stro started to calm down and said, "Yeah yeah. She was worried?"

"Like an old hen," Lawson confirmed.

I looked daggers at Lawson who suddenly ducked his head and excused himself as needing to go to the necessary. I told Thor, "I'll go fix the guest room up."

I was half way up the stairs when I had to stop to catch my breath; Junior had just pole vaulted into my diaphragm. That's when I heard Stro tell Thor, "Sorry to dump on you like this, specially now."

"Not a problem."

"Look, before Lawson or Rocky get back I better tell you something about Cliff. Rocky's dad swore me to secrecy. See I accidentally overheard … well something I shouldn't have overheard. When we were kids Cliff went to Rocky's dad for help because he was too scared to go to his own dad. Cliff … uh … he ain't exactly the choir boy everybody thinks he is. Lawson will back that part up but I don't know if Rocky knows about it. Her dad kept her pretty … uh … insulated from some of the stuff us guys would get into. Anyway, Cliff … geez … he … you know … was experimenting with … girls … and … uh … not girls. He decided after a while that he only liked girls after all but one of the older guys that had drawn him into that whole lifestyle thing or whatever you call it was threatening to tell everyone about it if he didn't do what he was told to do."

"Blackmail."

I could sense Stro nod, "Yeah, I guess that's what you'd call it. Rocky's dad convinced Cliff to confess to his dad and then the cops got brought into it … you know adult taking advantage of someone that was underage. The guy was like in his forties and Cliff was only like fifteen at the time. Everything was hushed up after that so I don't know what came of it."

Thor was quiet for a second before saying matter-of-factly, "It happens. I'm not saying it's right but it happens. But what has that got to do with now?"

"Look, I'm not sure how to say this. Cliff … could be … off. All the girls really liked him but the few local girls that he got involved with … you hear things if you listen to the right people. There was a girl that Lawson really liked and Cliff stole her." Thor must have made a face because Stro said, "I know it sounds stupid man but that's really what happened. One day she and Lawson were fine and the next day it was like the girl didn't look at anyone but Cliff. But then the girl got messed up and Cliff dropped her like a hot rock. How does a girl go from being fine and happy and normal to being a totally messed up skank in two months and the guy she is supposedly with has nothing to do with it? She told my Mom who was sometimes a counselor at the school that Cliff introduced her to people that got her hooked on drugs."

"Still not making your point," Thor rumbled though to me it didn't sound like he was giving Stro a hard time so much as wanting him to make the connection so he could act on it.

"Cliff was like Teflon man … nothing stuck. Everyone – well the girls – thought he was all sweet and crap like that. But you ask some of the guys and they'll tell you there was something just off about him. When Cliff dropped out of our Venture Crew Rocky's dad didn't ask any of us to try and get him to come back. That was unusual, not the way it normally was. I'm not saying Cliff was a bad guy for sure but I can tell you he hung out with some people that were bad … not locals but friends of his cousins that lived over in Abingdon. The other thing is he used to make fun about church and some people behind their backs, people that might not be able to defend themselves very well. He was careful who he did this with … Rocky would have nailed him if she'd heard some of the things he said … so even today I bet there are people who wouldn't believe me. Just …"

"Just what?" Thor asked quietly.

I heard Stro sigh. "I can't prove nothing man but when dealing with Cliff, be careful. Lawson may have been surprised that he recognized Cliff but the more I think about it the more I'm surprised that he hasn't gotten involved in something like this before considering some of the people he used to hang with. And another thing … when Rocky wasn't around … Cliff used to say things about her too. Nothing any of us could beat him up over … but questions and stuff that didn't seem too bad when he said them but add them all up together and looking back they seemed kind of … uh … this sounds stupid … but they seemed kind of … sly."

Sly was not a word I could ever remember Stro using before so it made an even bigger impression because of it. Thor didn't say anything so I continued up the stairs doing some hard thinking. My parents … and apparently even Stro and the guys … had always seemed to be under the impression that just because I didn't react to something I must not have heard it. That wasn't true at all. Some of the stuff about Cliff was news to me, but some wasn't.

I remember the day … and the reason … that Cliff dropped out of the Crew. We were on a camping trip with a couple of other Crews at Stone Mountain in Georgia. Some of the boys in the other Crews tried to be cute and act all freaked out by me which only made them look like idiots. I wouldn't rise to their bait so they just kept escalating. I could see that my friends were starting to get antsy … not reacting was starting to ping their pride buttons. Geez, even then I knew all about testosterone poisoning being a problem in the male population. I went and told Dad and said flat out that if he couldn't get the other crew leaders to call their boys (and a few of their girls) off that I'd wind up having to do something just so my friends didn't do something stupid and get in trouble.

Dad was off talking to the other crew leaders but by then it was too late. The idiots went too far and touched me in ways and places that weren't appropriate. I flung the one that had touched me into a knot of his friends that had been standing around laughing and when two of them rushed me … like I said they were idiots … I slugged one and had the other hung upside down by his ankles by the time the leaders got there. But I had noted who in our crew was laughing at my predicament and who wasn't. Over the next week I confronted them one at a time in private; thanked the ones that needed thanking and put straight the rest of them. Cliff was one of those guys that needed straightening.

The problem was that I unintentionally caught Cliff in a private moment of his own so to speak. A certain type of magazine fell out of the math book he'd been using to hide everything with. A casual observer wouldn't have noticed anything but a pretty boy studying hard in a clearing near the park. The whole situation had embarrassed us both. He said some pretty nasty things to me like I'd been following him around, spying, yada, yada; that I was infatuated with him and some really stupidly untrue things like that. He tried to hit me but missed when I let a laugh escape at the very idea and I defensively and without thought hit him back … and didn't miss, sending him sprawling in a very undignified fashion. He ran off after that cursing and swearing in words I wasn't sure I knew what their definitions were at the time.

I knew I was in hot water and out of my depth on top of it so went home and told Dad everything. Dad was pretty calm all things considered and then told me he would have a talk with Cliff's father but that I was to keep the incident to myself, that Cliff had some personal issues that he was working through. I gathered from that that Cliff's problems hadn't started with me and they weren't my fault and at that time and place that is all I wanted to know or cared about. The whole incident was disturbing enough … especially as there was no way I was going to tell Dad what had been on the cover of that particular bit of literature Cliff had been so enthralled with.

When Cliff didn't come back to the Crew I asked Dad only once if it was my fault and he said, "No. But I want you to give that boy some space from here on out. His problems aren't your fault and they aren't your business either. His parents have him in counseling and it is a private family matter for them. If you want to do something then pray for him and them. We hate the sin, not the sinner. Cliff is being given the opportunity to heal from some … situations he found himself in. He's got a package of trouble to work through. You don't want me catching you gossiping about this, ya hear?" I smiled, remembering how Dad really cared about things despite having been handed his own package of trouble in the form of me.

Stro made his way up the stairs on his own two feet but he was slow enough that I wondered if he'd be coming down them that way in the morning. Thor and I were both exhausted by the time we got our guests bedded down for the night. It was really strange having guests overnight and I had a hard time settling.

"Come here," Thor murmured in the dark.

"Not with people in the house Thor!" I gasped, shocked.

A wicked chuckle was my response before he said, "That's not what I was thinking about."

I tried to find him with my elbow in the dark but he was too used to my moves and instead gathered me up close to him and said, "Relax. You're shoulders are as stiff as that scarecrow's out in the garden."

At his gentle message I did try and relax and succeeded somewhat but I wasn't ready to let it go. "Stro is right … about Cliff I mean."

"You heard?"

I sighed, "Yeah. Why everyone thinks that I walked around with cotton in my ears I don't know. All the things I know about people in this town … it would curl your beard."

"You've said that before."

"Look. I heard in some movie that 'peoples is peoples' and that's true. Everybody is human. If I held that against folks I'd have no friends. Everyone makes mistakes and bad choices at some point. Some of the mistakes and bad choices are really dillies but my grandmothers and Mom always tried to teach me to use discernment rather than self-righteous judgment and because God had forgiven me I was required … not encouraged but required … to give the same thing to other people. Cliff … yeah, he made some dillies and I'm not sure he was ever really sorry for some of them … but they always seemed more self destructive than that he was out to hurt other people on purpose."

"But?"

"But if that has changed … that he is now hurting other people rather than himself … then the way he gets handled has to change too."

"Do you feel sorry for him?" Thor wanted to know.

"Cliff? Uhhhhh, I'm not sure. Do you feel sorry for someone that reaps the results of the choices they make? Part of me does I guess but part of me … I don't know. I just don't want this to turn into something it doesn't need to be. It should be cut and dry … Cliff and those other guys tried to kill or at the very least do serious bodily harm to Lawson and Stro therefore they should be punished for it. I don't want Cliff …" I wasn't sure how to finish.

"You don't want Cliff …?"

I turned over and tried to see him in the dark. "Be careful with Cliff. He's an excuse maker. The few times he has gotten caught the situation always winds up being someone else's fault. That older guy … and yes I did know about that sort of … that wasn't Cliff's fault but the fact that he kept … er … experimenting with that kind of stuff as he got older, that was his personal choice and responsibility. The girls being all over him? That wasn't his fault but their choice. But how he treated them and the things and people he introduced them to? That was his choice and responsibility. When things went badly there was enough blame to be shared by all parties involved but Cliff didn't seem to see it that way."

"Or he didn't want anyone to see it that way."

"Huh?"

Thor explained, "See if this jives with what you know. Cliff was a victim when he was young enough not to know how to deal with it or escape from it. But at some point after that Cliff chose to victimize himself as well as to become a victimizer of others because it empowered him." I nodded. "It is a bad cycle to get into Hon. I heard the same excuses in my family from my Mom even though she knew what my grandfather was doing was wrong. My grandfather wasn't disciplining me he was … he was abusing me. My mom used to say that was the way he'd grown up so that was all he knew."

"That is bull poop."

I could feel a slow smile against my hair. "Yes, it is. But as a kid I didn't know what to think. Cliff … the abuse may have been different but he does know the difference between right and wrong and if he is now involved in something that is making victims of other people … and he is willingly involved in it regardless of the justification … then Cliff has a very serious problem and unfortunately I'm the man that has to come up with the cure."

"You don't have to," I told him.

"For my own self respect I do. When I agreed to take a lead role in the security of not just our home but this area I knew exactly what I was getting into. I've spent all of my adult life at this sort of thing. Turning my back at this point would be hypocritical."

I don't know why God creates some people the way they do but I'm glad He does.


	94. Chapter 94

Chapter 94

I was right, getting Stro downstairs the morning after his beat down was not easy. Legitimately he probably should have stayed in bed but that would have been like trying to convince me to stay in bed so I didn't even mention it. We were all getting nerved up with adrenaline, so much so that for me I was nauseous for the first time in months. My back ached as well which had been happening more and more often for the past month. Between that and the nausea I wasn't the least bit hungry despite the hard work of the day before.

My lack of appetite however didn't change the fact that I had to get breakfast on for the guys but I made it easy on myself by making pancakes. I also fried some apples I asked Thor to bring in from the wagon on his way to do some of the morning chores and as well as a little smoked venison breakfast sausage leftover from a nuisance we'd cleared from the corn field. For morning "coffee" Thor had to forgo his normal pot of the real stuff but I made chicory and rye coffee as a replacement. He'd already cut back to one or two cups a day so it wasn't too much of a trial but I hated he had to do it at all, we just didn't want to show our hand as far as all of our provisions went.

Mr. Hefling must have not been able to wait until full light because it was still foggy when Thor found him at our gate just about ready to bust in and check on his boys. Tina was with him which was something I hadn't expected though I don't know why not. She'd already seen a lot being on her ER rotation for her nursing degree but still, I had trouble balancing who she was now with the girl I had known her to be when we were in school together.

After they'd gotten there and Tina and Stro had their reunion and Mr. Hefling had assured himself that his sons were still in one piece the guys sat around chewing on how they were going to address this latest threat to our community's safety. I just kept filling plates until they were full and then I sent them into Dad's study … no, Thor's study … so that I could clean up without them under foot and in the way. Tina helped.

"Wow."

I looked at her and asked, "Wow what?"

"I don't know. This … this just isn't how I ever saw you. I figured you'd be in the middle of all that." All that was her way of referring to the heated discussion the men were having.

"I do what has to be done," I told her.

She tilted her head and said, "Yes, you have. But you have to admit that cooking breakfast and cleaning the kitchen doesn't exactly fit people's perception of you."

"Which just shows you people aren't near as smart as they think they are."

She made a face. "I didn't mean to … geez … Stro said basically the same thing and I guess I wasn't listening. Look, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings."

"You didn't," I said with a shrug. "I'm me. I'm different from everyone else. I got over that a long time ago; it's everyone else that has the problem, not me."

"Which I guess is why you didn't tell anyone you're pregnant."

"One of the reasons and because of the other reasons I'd appreciate you not saying anything to anyone either."

She gave me a penetrating look. "It's still hard to tell you're really pregnant. Are you sure that you are as far along as you think you are?"

I chuckled, "If you felt how much squirming Junior was doing you wouldn't ask. He feels big …" I stopped at the look on her face. "… Or at least bigger than a figment of my imagination."

She made a face. "I'm doing it again. Sorry. Stro keeps trying to tell me that no one knows you as well as they think they do." I shrugged but her next words really threw me. "I was jealous of you you know."

I had to cough because I'd swallowed my spit down the wrong pipe. "What?!"

"I was," she shrugged. "Don't get me wrong because I'm not now but I used to be … even before Janie came into the picture."

"If you would have said something I could have set you straight. Stro is my friend and that is all he has ever been … or ever will be."

She gave a sad chuckle. "Yeah. I get that now. But let's be honest, I didn't exactly have any right to be jealous after … well, after what happened. It was harder for me to get over being jealous of you than of Janie though."

The phrase does-not-computer flitted through my head. "You're crazy."

"I'm serious. I could understand Strother's attraction to Janie, he has this … complex. He was always pulling someone's bacon out of the fire and he is a lot softer touch than people think he is. But you, I never understood it."

Shaking my head I told her, "That's because there was nothing to understand. We're friends. And if you don't mind I'd like to just drop that. It's kind of creepy."

She grinned good naturedly. "Actually I do understand it now … and I want to say thanks for being Strother's friend. You never short changed him like other people, myself included. My dad used to use you as a reason why Strother wasn't right in the head, how the two of you were so much alike and why it would never work out between us. Dad was right about the two of you being alike … just for all the wrong reasons. So … thanks. I'm glad Strother has good friends he can count on."

I just stood there for a moment wiping out the skillet I'd used for the sausages. "OK … but no more weirdness. The idea of me and Stro being anything other than friends … it's not good for my stomach right now."

That did cause her to chuckle but then she asked, "Have you had a lot of trouble being nauseous?"

"Off and on, this morning it is on. Hand me that kitchen towel." After she had done as I asked I finished the top of the stove with a polish while she asked me all sorts of the same questions that Granny C and Miz Louise had been asking.

"Do you know what to expect?" she asked.

"Technically? Yes. I've got the strategy all planned out. In reality? I doubt it since I've never run this particular play before so I'm trying to keep an open mind and stay flexible so I can change up if necessary."

She laughed again, "You still talk in football."

She asked for a general tour of the house – she'd never been inside – while I gave the guys a few more minutes of my patience. "You've got a nice set up," she said wistfully.

"Stro said that he and Gramps were going to try and plan something out this winter."

Embarrassed she said, "I don't mean to complain. I'm really trying not to but … we've got zero privacy. I'm so embarrassed when we … you know … it's … geez."

More than a little embarrassed myself at the sudden direction the conversation was taking I said, "Uh … yeah. I can see where that might be a problem. The Hefling's house isn't exactly built for that many people."

"Lawson is on the sofa because we needed a room for the kids. I feel so bad about Mr. Hefling too. He feels crowded and escapes from the house every time he is able."

"That's just his PTSD, he never has been able to stay inside for long. I assumed you knew all this but maybe no one ever mentioned it, it's a sore subject with Mr. Hefling. Those issues are why he and Stro's mom … well, she liked fancy and socializing and all of that stuff and Mr. Hefling just couldn't do it much after he got back. It would get on his nerves and then he'd have one of his spells. She'd over react and do the Drama Momma thing which only made it worse. It was really hard on the boys."

That broke the tension and she smiled, "Lawson was complaining the other day that you still call just about all of the guys from school 'boys.' I wish you could have seen the look on his face, he reminded me of the twins."

I chuckled. "I guess I do still do that. I don't mean anything bad by it but to me most of them are still boys. You get them together and it is like a big wiggling sack of puppies. They're a mess."

We both had to laugh at that because it was just plain true. Of course there were a few truly grown men I could say the same thing about.

"Is Thor like that?" Tina wanted to know.

"Like wha … Oh … no … not really, at least not in the same way. The pressures of his job and leadership kind of ironed that out of him. He can still whoop it up and have a good time but when you get to know him you'll find that he is always 'on' even when it seems that he is acting just like all the other guys."

"I already know what you mean. Mr. Hefling is like that too, so is Sand but not quite as much. Sometimes I worry that Strother is going to get like that too."

I shrugged, "It's not such a bad thing so long as you both learn to live with it and learn your limits. Even Thor knows that he needs down time and we set it aside, we're just … I guess you could say we are just careful about when we take it."

And speaking of the gentlemen in question they chose that moment to come out of the study. Tina took a good look at Stro and immediately went to his side. "You sure you won't let me put that liniment on you now?"

Stro told her, "Maybe when we get home, which is where we are heading for a bit."

I heard that "for a bit" and looked at Thor whose expression told me he'd explain after we got everyone else gone. We saw them to the gate and out it, closing it behind them, and then Thor said he needed to make some calls to give him a few minutes. Knowing that the "few" minutes could turn out to be longer I finished my morning chores that had been delayed and was leaning back against a tree trying to use counter pressure to ease the ache in my back when Thor found me.

"Hey, you OK? Back hurting again?"

"Yeah but it's OK. So why didn't you want to tell me with them around?"

A mild grin told me I'd been on the money. "Caught that, thought you would."

"Still doesn't tell me why," I said following him to the storage barn where he started helping me to unload apples from the wagon. Some would go into the apple house – basically a shed for the long storage apples – but some of them would also be sorted for the cider press, the drying shed, and those that I wanted to can.

He took his time answering so I told him, "Just spit it out Thor. Don't worry about making any of my friends sound … bad. They aren't as good as you are at this and if you have suspicions I want to know what they are so I can help."

"Don't take this the wrong way Hon but I swear you are getting too good at reading me." I just smiled and let him squirm a bit and then he finally got around to explaining but he started with a question. "So you think Lawson really saw this Cliff guy?"

"Stro confirmed it," I reminded him. "Lawson may not like Cliff for his own reasons but I don't think it was ever bad enough to set Cliff up on purpose. Lawson was also shocked by it being Cliff in with that bunch."

Thor nodded. "That was my take as well, at least as far as Lawson went. It also makes me wonder who else I haven't met despite being here about a year."

I thought about it. "Yeah, I suppose it is weird that we haven't seen more of Cliff. I just put it down to an issue of distance and the fact I haven't exactly been out in public much lately. You think Cliff might have been avoiding you on purpose?"

"It's a possibility, and one Strother agreed with when I brought it up and he had a chance to think about it. Hon …"

"If you are going hunting tonight you should go inside and rest."

He just looked at me. "Woman, you are getting scary."

"No, I just know you … and I know how serious you take your job. I also know that some things may best be dealt with … quietly. I just wish I was able to cover your back. I feel … I feel like I'm letting you down." For some reason I was on the verge of tears.

"Hey … Rochelle …" I'd managed to shock him.

"I'm all right," I said wiping my eyes. "It's at times like these though that I … miss the others the most. Chuckri, Barkley, Alfonso, Montgomery, Richards … I would be a lot happier to have even one of them here right now. I'd give a whole lot to know how they are doing, if they've got it as good as we do."

Thor sat his bushel basket of apples down and took me in his arms, "We do have it good Rochelle. And if you still regret …"

"I don't regret anything, not really. I just would feel better if you had some back up. What about Sand?"

He shook his head. "Sand is a good man but he doesn't have the depth of training for something like this. And well-meaning or not that Sarah has a mouth on her and I'd rather not have to come up with a story to satisfy her about why her husband has to be out all night. She could complain to the wrong people and we'd lose any advantage we had."

"I won't deny that. It's one of the reasons I didn't tell her I was pregnant to begin with. Sarah is the closest thing I'll ever have to a sister I guess but her tongue is hinged in the middle and runs at both ends when she is upset about something. It gets away from her and she's sorry afterwards but by then it's too late."

"So long as you understand I've got my reasons for keeping this under tight wraps. Last thing I want to start is one of them mountain feuds you are always worried about." I nodded then turned so that he press the sore spots on my back. "No more lifting. You sit over there and I'll move the rest of these myself."

"Sitting is no better and you need to rest to," I objected.

"I will rest … after I take care of this." I sighed but conceded the point to him but I wasn't exaggerating, it wasn't any better sitting and I was soon up and moving around again. He caught sight of my pacing it misinterpreted it. "Hon, I'm not going to ask you not to be concerned but don't worry it to death. You're getting jumpy."

"It's not that, if anyone is prepared for this job it is you. It's just adrenaline. There's a fight coming and despite my head knowing I can't my body seems to be gearing up for it anyway. It was the same way before a big game, only I knew then I'd have something that I could do about it. I can't even go for a run right now to let off some steam."

He moved the last bushel and then we walked into the house. "I'd be lying if I said I'm not relieved you understand that you can't do this thing tonight."

I elbowed him lightly. "I'm not a baby Thor, I'm just having one. I guess that's a big enough job for me to handle right now. I'm not going to whine because I can't go play with you. But you had better be careful. I know that you consider some of the people around here to be inexperienced hicks, and they are, but that doesn't mean some of them aren't dangerous and mean."

He looked at me, "You know good and well that I know that so what's with the lecture? Something in particular bothering you?"

"Yes it is. I don't like our forces being split like this. I also don't like you going into a situation without someone to cover your back. Mr. Hefling's leg is bothering him. Sand … well we've already discussed that. And Stro is in too rough a shape. Johnson and Lawson … I hate to say it but I don't think they have the stomach for what you might have to do. Jimmy Ray would be my next choice but you two don't get on well enough which is something we need to fix. Jimmy Ray has what it takes to be as mean as necessary and would be good at this … he just likes to eat regularly and is a little spoiled."

For some reason Thor started laughing. "What?" I asked irritated.

"You're something else girl that's what. We're a perfect match. I love that you can do this."

"This what?" I asked still irritated though slightly mollified at the "perfect match" comment.

"Compartmentalize enough that even though someone is a good friend you can be brutally honest about their faults and talents and not hesitate to do what is necessary. Had you been in my crew from the beginning I would have marked you for extra training so that you could eventually run your own crew."

"Yeah, right, like I could see those men taking orders from a female. Even when you gave me any authority when we were still on the road they always looked at Evans or you to confirm anything I said or they gave me the she's-just-the-boss'-bed-chick look, like I had slept my way into authority instead of earned it regardless of what the true facts were." At Thor's look I added, "I don't begrudge them that. I suppose in their experience that was how females got to whatever level of authority they had but it used to irritate me that they didn't give you more credit. Besides, I don't mind being second in command; it's not such a bad job to have, especially not when I trust the boss as much as I do. Now back on topic," I told him still a little cranky because I was worried. "What about that guy from town, Martin Kildare? Or any of his people?"

Thor was giving it serious consideration but in the end he went back to his original plan. "This is just a recon and I don't want any talk until I can confirm something. I don't disbelieve Lawson but I don't want to create a situation or make it harder to deal with if it isn't necessary. I don't plan on engaging the enemy at this point; I just want to know what we are up against."

I wanted to argue, but on the other hand I knew that once Thor had his mind made up I'd be wasting my breath and his chance to nap. He also had considerably more experience than I did and if I really trusted him as I said I did then I needed to follow my mouth with action. I determined that if he was going to go out on his own that he'd go out with my full support and a full belly. While he rested I went over his clothes and gear and worked on the apples and a good meal. I still wished that I was going with him but since that wasn't the case I did the best I could.

I must have done something to my back picking the apples; might have happened when I went off on those ravens. As the day wore on my back hurt worse but I didn't let on to Thor. He commented on my lack of appetite again before he left but put it down to nerves.

Dark came before I was ready for it. Lady kept whining that I was taking too long to do the last of the day's chores and come inside and bar the door. Finally I had everything secured and just stood there in the kitchen breathing through yet another muscle spasm. I thought to myself that this is getting to be ridiculous and that I might have to have Granny C have a look to see if I'd really done something to hurt myself. It was getting to where the pain was a drawing one rather than a sharp prick like they had started as that morning.

I was antsy but tired and didn't know what to do with myself. The night had turned cool so I went upstairs and started a fire in the bedroom and when another pain hit me I almost couldn't stand up. When I did I looked down at the wet hearth rug and then over at Lady and said, "It figures."


	95. Chapter 95

Chapter 95

I honestly didn't know whether to laugh or cry or throw a hissy fit. I must have wasted a good five or ten minutes just standing there leaning on the mantel asking the Good Lord above what I could possibly have done to have such wretched luck in my life. Then I reversed course and realized that God had blessed the heck out of me and every once in a while you simply had to walk through the fire to get to the next blessing so you'd appreciate it as you should. Being alone when I went into labor wasn't the end of the world I told myself, but it still smoked fresh cow patties.

I finally opened my eyes and told Lady, "Well, since it isn't like I have much choice I might as well get to it."

Where babies and having them are concerned there is just no getting around the gross factor. Both Miz Louise and Granny C had told me living in fantasy land was just plain foolish. There was going to be a mess of bodily fluids of one sort or another to take care of so it was necessary to be prepared for them. I already had a hearth rug to wash; minimizing the rest of the mess I knew was coming was my top priority. Last thing I wanted to have to do was have the baby and five minutes later have to do a load of wash just so I could rest comfortable.

Lucky for me the hearth rug had a thick backing that had kept the wooden floor beneath it from getting wet. I picked it up and took it to the hallway bathroom and hung it over the shower rod. It didn't smell as bad as wet dog but it didn't smell great either so I sprayed it with a little disinfectant to keep it from souring before I could get around to cleaning it properly. I changed into a short, loose, cotton gown as well as an old scraggy robe that I belted for a little modesty. I also grabbed the pads and other birthing supplies recommended by the older ladies and started setting up my old twin bed for the inevitable. Sure, it might have been more traditional to have the baby in the master bedroom but traditional isn't always practical. If I ruined a mattress I figured it was better that it be a spare one. The twin also was easier to find extra sheets and padding for; and most importantly for me at that moment was that it was easier for me to get in and out of in my condition.

I started a fire in the Franklin stove and set a couple of pots of water to warm. I was fighting nausea worse than I had that morning so I added a bucket and lid and then sat in the rocking chair we had moved in there and which I had also covered with an old quilt and more padding.

I looked around at the room reasonably satisfied. All of the nursery stuff was fixed up thanks to Thor's patience though we both nearly threw the crib out of the window before we found the old and faded direction for putting it together.

I remember Thor asking, "What in the world? This thing looks more like a cage than a crib."

Looking at what had been my bed for the first two years of my life I explained, "A regular crib didn't work with me. I was too big and too strong. I tore two regular cribs up before one of the doctors snuck a hospital crib to my parents."

"You tore up two cribs?" Thor asked disbelievingly.

"Yep. I could kick the bars out with no problem before I took my first steps. According to Dad I did it because I didn't like being left out of things and when I was awake I had to be kept an eye on or I got into all sorts of trouble."

It took me a long time to learn to walk but once I did I drove my parents crazy. They took turns with Mom taking the brunt of it when Dad had to drive the tractor or other farm equipment that I was too little to hold onto while it moved. She kept me safe and always knew just what to say to distract me from the pain that was nearly my constant companion when I was little. A tear rolled down my face. Suddenly I wanted my mom so bad I couldn't hold it in.

It was two labor pains before I could pull myself back together. There's no use crying over what you can't have but I swore I was going to give Thor a little what for if the baby came before he got home. I also decided there was absolutely no way I was going to sit around feeling scared and sorry for myself. Canning was out since I was too worried about lighting the oven up and having a batch going so instead I decided to prep some apples for the cider press.

The stairs were no fun but once I reached the kitchen I was happy to have the distraction after being swamped by another pain that felt like someone was trying to play my spine like an accordion. I attached the apple peeler to the table and grabbed two five-gallon buckets. The peel would fall into the first one. In the second bucket I made a wet solution to prevent the apples from browning from oxidation.

I actually made it through two bushels of apples before I admitted that I was slightly demented. It was no fun cleaning up the kitchen but it was a lot more fun than climbing the stairs while it felt like Junior was banging on the door to be let out with a war hammer. That thought gave me the giggles. I looked at Lady who was following me everywhere as usual and said, "Appropriate don't ya think?" The dog in turn gave me a look that told me she thought her human was losing it. I pretty much agreed with her. I sat on the top stair and laughed, cried, and groaned all at the same time.

It went that way all night. I did try twice to call on the radio but being able to transmit is only good when someone is on the other end able to receive. No one was monitoring at the Heflings or in town and I wasn't just going to cry out for help to complete strangers.

The pain increased and then ebbed several times until about four in the morning when it was like it changed. Lord have mercy I thought my insides were going to turn inside out and then a true rhythm began to set in to my labor. I tried to keep hydrated but if I drank anything I wound up spewing it back up when I was in the middle of a contraction. Having a contraction and throwing up at the time was too much like torture so I tried a different strategy. I washed my face and slathered my lips with thinned down honey to keep them from splitting open from dryness. I had the shakes pretty bad and I cried a few times wanting Thor home immediately.

I was out of water and I knew that I needed more or I was going to get dehydrated. I crawled down the stairs; there was no way I was going to be able to walk down them. I was in the floor in the kitchen trying to not scream when Lady howled. I knew that call and added my voice to hers. "Thor!"

No longer was the person at the door quiet. The lock turned and then practically flew off its hinges as it slammed into the wall.

"Rochelle!" He rushed over and knelt beside me, "What's wrong?! The baby? Is it the baby?!"

I turned to him and if looks had physical weight he would have been crushed. I grabbed him by the collar and jerked myself up into his face and growled, "You … are … so … lucky. Had you missed this you have no idea how … upset … I would have been." My voice sounded like ground up broken glass and the look on Thor's face would have been priceless had I been in the mood to appreciate it.

"Uh …"

Then I heard another voice. "Lawson, Johnson run and get Miz Louise. Carry her if you have to but get her here now! Jimmy Ray can you do something with Lady? I don't think Miz Louise is gonna appreciate a dog in the middle of the delivery. Thor … Yo, Thor!"

"Uh …"

"Man," Stro chuckled. "Seriously Dude, you need to get her up off the floor and take her upstairs. And don't look at me for help. Janie sprained my shoulder when she was in labor, I don't even want to know what Rocky can do."

I looked at him and he actually ducked and jumped back out of the door. That made Thor laugh and come back to himself. "That's my Ro-chelle."

I looked at him and told him, "Seriously? Do you have a death wish? Now is not the time to irritate me."

"Nope, no death wish. Ro …" He gasped and held me as another pain took me over. I was gasping and panting like I'd been on the bottom of a major dog pile with no pads or helmet and barely registered that he picked me up and rushed up the stairs with me but as soon as he tried to put me down in our bed I redirected him to my old bedroom.

"How long have you been in labor?" he asked as he grabbed a cloth and started wiping my face.

"Yesterday, after you left. It just sort of happened."

From out in the hall Stro asked, "She OK? Need anything?"

Another pain started to roll over me and I snarked, "Oh no, everything is just hunky dory … you doofus! I hope Tina beats you regular. Now go away and leave me some dignity."

"Thor?" Stro asked like he hadn't heard me.

"Eh …" Then after looking around he got up and grabbed one of the empty pots. "Here, get some water from the barrel in the kitchen. It has already been boiled and treated."

I heard them whispering in the hallway. "I'm not dying you dopes," I called out. "I know what is gonna happen. I've delivered enough farm animals that I'm not surprised here but … oh, oh, oh, oh …" I had to stop and breathe through another pain. "Just go away Stro and keep the boys out. If I'm gonna to lose my religion I'd rather not have anyone else hear it and hold it over my head for the next couple of generations."

"Sure thing Rocky. And we'll get the chores done. You just focus on doing what you gotta do."

Suddenly the quiet left when Stro went downstairs started to feel poisonous. "Distract me."

"Huh?" Thor asked like he was still trying to figure out what was going on.

"Dee … stract … me."

"Don't you need to concentrate or something?"

I looked him dead in the eyes and asked, "If you were trying to pass a large kidney stone with no pain killers would you want to be distracted?"

"Oh. Gotcha. What do you want to talk about 'cause you really don't want me to try and dance or sing to you or anything like that."

I snorted a tired laugh since I knew for a fact that his tunes and buckets never met. "How about what happened last night?"

Thor signed, "Hon …"

"Not liking being told no right now," I said in a dangerously sing song tone of voice.

Thor shook his head. "OK Pistol but don't say I didn't warn you." So between pains Thor pieced his night together for me. He went back to where the men had ambushed Stro and his brother. "The trail was easy to find. They dragged their dead for almost a hundred yards before rolling them down a steep ledge. After that it was a little harder but not much. By the time it got dark and I was starting to lose the markers I saw several small fires in the distance. There's a large camp … couple dozen of them. While I was looking them over that guy Cliff showed up. Confirmed his identity based on my memory and your description, that birthmark is hard to miss even with just firelight."

He went on to tell me how that while the camp was well armed they didn't have much training. "They're just a bunch of hammers looking for nails … but no real brains as far as I could tell from my initial impression."

"What are you not telling me? And how did you hook up with the boys?"

He snorted, "Those 'boys' were doing the same thing I was only from the other side. Strother and I spotted each other and then we hooked up. Sand went back to report and the rest of us came back this way."

"You still aren't telling me everything. How do pigs come into this?"

"Oh. You heard."

Another pain, this one worse than the previous ones interrupted his explanation but he finally said, "Well, your boys were according to Sand 'het up' and looking for some pay back. After the camp went to sleep they basically took anything that wasn't nailed down that they could get away with. The last thing were the pigs they found penned up some yards distant from the camp and …"

"What on earth are you doing boy?!"

That voice caught Thor in mid story. Apparently Granny C had been visiting Miz Louise early in the day since they planned on gathering some herbs and they were both standing there with hands on their hips giving Thor a look that could have melted granite.

"She asked to be distracted!"

"Out. Now. And don't come back until you are clean. You smell like you've been rolling around in a bear den … and look like it too. Is this the way you want to look when your child gets their first look at you? Sakes alive, a man your age ought to have more sense." Granny C always did know how to manage the male of the species and put them in their place.

The long and the short of it is I labored for several more hours. I heard them murmur a few times but mostly all I could do was deal with the pain I was in. A few times I got up and walked around but my knees kept giving out. The only thing keeping me from kissing the floor was Thor's own strength.

I must have been getting a little delirious towards the end. I remember hearing Thor ask the ladies if they thought the baby was too big but didn't hear their response. It was about that time that it felt like I was being split in half. I don't care how tough you think you are, trying to shoot the proverbial watermelon through a straw will make anybody scream.

I remember being told to push and push and then not push and to hold off and then to push again. There was a huge pressure in my pelvis and then … goosh. Don't remember a whole lot for a little bit but I knew that something wasn't quite as it should be. Thor was just holding me and saying something over and over. "It'll be ok. It'll be ok." Finally after longer than it should have been I heard the baby give a weak cry and Granny C brought the baby over and laid her on my chest.

I must have been pretty loopy because I said, "Hey, look, a pink elephant."

Thor kissed my forehead and said, "Don't you call our daughter that."

I complained, "You always get what you want. She's …" I looked at Granny C and Miz Louise would was apparently stitching me up though I was too numb down there at the time to realize it. "Is … is … she like me? I mean …"

Granny C broke into a smile, "You have yourself a heifer dear but I think she'll be fine, she's just tuckered from trying to arrive in this world. Eleven pounds and some if I don't miss my guess, one of the bigger babies that I've delivered but certainly not the biggest. I delivered that Hansel girl's baby before you were born and it was certainly bigger than yours … but she had gestational diabetes. Let me measure my marks over here and … Lord have mercy, no wonder she looks like a string bean. Twenty-four inches, my lands. And those feet … I doubt those newborn socks are going to fit her at all."

I croaked, "Poor thing, I think she takes after me." I did feel sorry for the baby because I could imagine all of the difficulties in front of her.

Thor on the other hand had a completely different take on it as witnessed by his words, "Thank goodness. I'm not sure what I would do if we had one of those small, peanut sized ones. I'd be afraid of breaking it."

His tone of voice was so serious and so relieved it stopped my tears in their tracks and I had to chuckle but that was about the last I had left in me. The baby girl I held in my arms picked that moment to really squall and I had to learn real fast about how to nurse her or she seemed like she was going to bring the house down. Thor was mesmerized by the whole process but boy howdy, every time the baby sucked there was a hard tug on my uterus. If not for the endorphins that nursing leaks from the brain I would have been in pain. Eventually the baby was satisfied enough to turn loose and I all but collapsed in exhaustion. I remember someone taking the baby and telling me to rest but for the life of me I can't remember who.

I slept for a while but woke up when boots thundered up the stairs. "Thor! There's more of them and I spotted Cliff too!"


	96. Chapter 96

Chapter 96

I was trying to remember why the name Cliff should bother me when I heard breaking glass and a loud crash that happened near simultaneously followed immediately by a baby's wail. Now that woke me up and then some. In that same second I felt Thor picking me up and running with me down the stairs to the basement.

"Wait!"

"Can't Hon." Turning to Lawson and Johnson – better known as the ones who had tried to destroy the stairwell with their big booted feet – Thor said, "Grab the ladies. Ms. Hefling you've got the baby. We've got a raiding party and they shot out the window and I expect them to continue to behave in similar fashion." Paying attention to me again as I struggled weakly in the quilt that was hampering my movement he added, "Now I want you to listen to me and I don't want any discussion. Take care of the baby and yourself. Ms. Louise and Ms. Hefling are here too and I expect you to mind them. No matter what, I love you. Remember that."

I nearly slapped him but he ran off before I could untangle myself enough to get him. He left me hanging on words that sounded like he wasn't sure he'd be coming back. As I finally managed to sit up I nearly shrieked. My body reminded me in a sharp and painful way that I was some tore up in a place that God only built women with.

"Rocky Charbonneau! Girl get some sense in that head of yours. Louise had to sew you up and you're foolishness is going to tear you open again!"

Miz Louise added in a calmer and less irritable voice, though one still distressed, "Rocky, you had a second degree tear. You are inviting more damage and worse – infection - if you don't calm down."

Gasping I told them both, "I am calm but I need to be able to …"

Granny C said, "You don't got to be able to do nothing but be still girl. Right now. Or did you fergit you done had a baby?!"

Miz Louise put said baby in my arms and I was stuck between having the driving need to go to Thor and the driving need to nurse the squirming scrap of humanity that I had birthed only a few hours earlier. As in most households, the baby won.

Nursing was both pain and pleasure; it calmed me as no words could have but at the same time it proved to me that I was in no physical shape to fight. I also seemed to have developed the disturbing new habit of crying at everything and nothing. I could vaguely hear the "pops" of weapons fire as well as the occasional crash. I alternated between an almost hysterical need to know what was going on and a fierce drive to protect the baby at all costs … including what it was costing my pride and spirit to stay hidden like a helpless child. I was physically ill with the conflicts raging inside of my body and soul. Miz Louise made soothing sounds and told me it was just normal baby blues as our current stress level warred with my hormones.

Normal was something I had completely lost touch with even if I had ever had it and "baby blues" left me clueless. All I knew is I hurt in places – both physical and mental – that I was not used to hurting in and that figuring out what to do about it was just about beyond my ability at that point.

The door to the basement opened and closed quickly letting Mr. Dink into the room. Miz Louise immediately ran to him and I was still dealing with the strange and world upending picture of the two of them cuddling when Granny C yelped, "Stop yer honeymooning. Adolphus, what is happening out there?!"

Mr. Dink and Granny C had a bit of a spicy friendship; she was the only female I'd ever heard him really lip off to but Dad had told me they were some kind of cousins and it wasn't really meanness between them but over familiarity … whatever that meant. "Oh, loosen yer girdle. It ain't pretty but tisn't near as bad as it twere."

"And?" asked Granny C in impatience. "My boys are up there and …"

"Well, if you'd draw a breath between complaints and questions and you might get an answer sooner rather than later." Granny C clamped her lips together in a comically exaggerated way but she still shot daggers with her eyes.

Miz Louise rolled her eyes and flapped her apron. "Behave. Both of you. You'll upset Rocky and the baby."

They both looked slightly embarrassed the way older folks can look when you've caught them acting like kids. "Well …" Mr. Dink started. "There's a break in the fighting at the moment. Them raiders are trying to regroup and Thor's stepped out to make sure they don't. The boys are all fine, even that crazy one Jimmy Ray. He has the dog and most of the animals down in the tunnels and didn't that surprise 'em."

That made me yelp, "Thor showed them the tunnels?!"

"Easy there. Tweren't much choice, the bullets were flying. As it is ya lost two hens. I cleaned 'em and have 'em in a stew pot. Thought p'raps you wimmen could get a fire going down here and maybe stew us up some food. No sense in letting the meat go to waste and them boys are spending a lot of energy running around."

"Is anyone hurt?" I asked before the other two "wimmen" could.

"Oh, we've all got our cuts and scrapes but nothing serious so far. And the enemy is some worse off. What they don't know is that Sand has got a group coming and they're going to catch the raiders betwixt and between. Hear tell on that radio box that a buncha the locals have done turned the air blue over the Dunkirk boy bringing this trouble in. His step daddy is heart broke but has told ever'one they must do what needs doing and he's comforting the boy's mother til then. I 'magine she lost that boy a long time ago but is just now finding it out for sure."

I was shaken and shaking. Mr. Dink tried to go back up the stairs but I stopped him with one last question. "What's the damage so far?"

He looked uncomfortable which didn't help me any but then he sighed and said, "It ain't as bad as it could be Rocky girl … but some of yore garden was tore up out of meanness. They've knocked down a bunch o' the corn but I think it is still salvageable if we don't get rain. They tried to burn down the barn and silo but that Jimmy Ray was able to put it out before it did too much damage … but you got an open corner and one of the mules was injured, but not so bad it needs to be put down."

"The house?" I asked remembering the crashes I'd heard.

"We'll get ya some glass and you can hang pictures over the holes if we can't find no plaster. Now stop yer worrying, like I said it could be worse. You just settle down, you don't look so good. Ya ain't got no roses in yer cheeks." And with that he did leave.

Roses in my cheeks. Bah! I needed a gun in my hand. Or a pitchfork. Or an axe. Anything that would hurt them like they were hurting us. But all God seemed to have left me were my prayers. I leaned back and the tears continued to stream down my face no matter how many times I tried to scrub them away. I knew what Thor was doing. You don't light a fire with a whole log, you whittle it down to kindling first. My problem lay in that I'd never been forced to sit back out of a fight. The entire way I viewed myself was taking a beating. People always wonder if they are strong enough to fight; rarely though have I ever heard anyone mention that sometimes you have to be just as strong to know now to handle that you can't fight. It is a real ego beater.

While I lay there in a daze Mr. Dink brought the chickens down and also left a bundle that turned out to be stuff for the baby. Good thing too because baby had figured out how to poop though she was still too young for it to stink. I was not unfamiliar with how to take care of babies as I'd helped in the hospital as a volunteer. I stayed hidden from the others and since it was usually in a specialty ward of some type … babies born with an addiction to match the ones their mothers had at their birth, babies born with deformities that kept them out of the "normal" baby ward, sick babies, abandoned babies … not too many "normals" cared. Human beings can be cruel even when they don't mean to be.

I took care of the baby, fed her when she wanted it, did what I could to help the older ladies make the chicken into something besides a boiled mess, and then waited … and waited. I wanted Thor. I wanted to hear his voice, see his face, make sure that he was OK. Hear him tell me things were OK and that I was worrying for nothing. I wanted to go upstairs and do my part in shooting the bad guys; this was my home too.

But there was no going up stairs; at that moment I could not have climbed them on my own and certainly no one would help me. Thor didn't come and I thought it was unlike him to not at least stick his head in to put my worries to rest. He didn't come to check on his baby daughter either which sounded like him even less as he'd seemed already strangely attached even before she'd popped her way into this world. It always made me laugh to see this great giant of a man talking to my stomach in goofy baby sounds. I began to wonder if I'd ever laugh again. And then worse, after what sounded like a major battle over our heads no one came to check on us at all and the quiet that followed sounded far from healthy.

The older ladies wouldn't let me go check. They wouldn't go check either claiming it to be their duty to obey Thor's orders and to protect the baby and keep me from taking any rash actions. I fed the baby once more and then the night seemed to trickle down into the basement as it must have by that point upstairs. The older ladies were exhausted and slid into a deep but troubled slumber.

Something was calling me to act. I knew with a certainty that I was going to catch heck from Thor but at the same time I had to act. Something was screaming at me, from outside of me; not literally but it was not a still quiet voice calling me either. There was purpose in that voice that gave me strength I shouldn't have had. Seeing the ladies asleep and noting that the solar powered lamps would soon be out of juice I slowly and carefully made my way over to the exercise equipment.

One of the things that Thor and I had done was to secret weapons throughout the house. Since we didn't exactly have a limitless supply of weapons and ammo by the time we got to the basement our choices had narrowed. If I had been in most any other room I could have put my hands on a semi-automatic pistol or some type of rifle or shotgun; down here we had been forced to resort to Dad's antique gun collection. In this case it was an old 1920's Mossberg Brownie pepperbox. It took .22lr's which was a plus as far as ammo went but the four barrels of the hand-sized gun made it look passing strange, like something out of one of those old Dick Tracy or James Bond movies.

Beggars can't be choosers however and I was ecstatic that the ladies hadn't located it and put it out of my reach as they had the rifle that Mr. Dink had left us for security. Granny C knew me too well and was practically sleeping with the blasted thing and I wasn't going to go over there and wrestle her for it. In my condition she might well have won and I'd rather not have to live with being beaten by a woman who was close in age to my own grandmothers.

I took the pepperbox over to my baby and looked down. Seeing that sweet little face I almost changed my mind, like a temptation that was almost too much to bear. I kissed her and did my best to stand back up straight. It felt quite literally like my insides wanted to fall out, something Miz Louise was said was a result of things trying to go back to where they belonged. I took two steps and realized I'd need to take care of some pressing personal hygiene before I went anywhere. This left me mentally growling about the physical realities of being a female.

Eventually everything was as taken care of as I could manage for the moment and I was finally able to do what I'd started out to do. The ladies and the baby were all still slumbering. I eased up the stairs one at a time while parts of my anatomy called me every kind of fool in the book. By the time I got to the landing I was almost sick and had to stand there while I mentally forced myself to get beyond the pain.

Steeling myself I carefully opened the hidey hole in the door and peered out and saw … nothing. I should have seen something even if it was just shadows but I saw nothing which isn't what I should have been seeing. My dad had positioned this door and the peep hole so that it would have a very wide view of the kitchen and the side door. The nothing I was seeing that I shouldn't have been seeing was wrong.

I realized with a start that my brain was misfiring and getting stuck so I stopped, took a deep breath and looked at that nothing again. And then I realized that I wasn't seeing nothing, I was seeing the back of a something. Which was still wrong but at least it was less wrong. Something was in front of the door, or at least in front of the peep hole.

Thankfully the door opened towards me. I carefully opened the door and saw the back of the something. It was a big something and then I realized the something was my moveable pantry cabinet. It didn't exactly move easily which made me stop and think again. And then I remembered Thor complaining after I had it move it for the umpteenth time that the only thing it was truly good for was for hiding whatever was behind it.

So, Thor … or possibly Stro … had moved the cabinet in front of the door. And left it there. To block us in … block me in. I asked myself if they trusted me so little but that didn't fit what I knew … that was just the hormones talking … I hoped. Besides Thor knew I would be able to get out through the tunnels and it was possible that the other guys knew as well since they now new about the tunnels … or maybe some of the tunnels or ... Boy was my brain fried. I nearly had another crying fit. What bit of good was I going to do in my condition? I was physically weak and unfit for combat. My tear ducts were stuck in the on position. And the one thing that I'd always counted on to help me stay above all of the trials and tribulations I faced … my brain … was taking an unexpected vacation to hormonal land.

Suddenly I heard a sound on the other side of the cabinet and then a groan. An emotionless voice asked, "He talked yet?"

"Nope. Looks like we're going to have to take him outside for the promised gelding," replied a man who sounded like he was enjoying the situation more than a sane man should.

"Do it."

Something kicked in. I asked the Lord for strength and wisdom and then backtracked down the stairs and over to Granny C who I shook awake as gently as I could to keep her from making any noise.

"Girl! You scared me."

"Granny, there's no time. Something has gone wrong. Bad wrong. Someone has hidden the door down to the basement and I heard … look, I need you to look after the baby. I've got to go …"

"Oh no you don't girl. You just had a baby!"

"Shh! Granny, I don't need you to tell me how unfit I am. I need you to just do what I've asked you to do. And I need that rifle."

Granny didn't give me the rifle … Miz Louise did. She just looked at me and the look on her face reminded me of Mr. Dink when he was at his strangest and I realized they were even more suited to each other than I had realized. When Granny C started to complain Miz Louise put her hand on her arm and I don't know what passed between them but I was able to leave with no more fussing. I wanted to stop by the bassinet where I had laid my child but I knew if I did I might not have the will to leave her and go do what needed doing.

I managed to get into the tunnel and then shut the door. It was dark and I fumbled for the flashlight that should have hung on a hook within easy reach … only it wasn't there. Something brushed my leg and I nearly screamed then I realized it was the cats. I slowly bent over to touch them and they were sticky damp. As I stepped forward my foot brushed something and it turned out to be the flashlight. How it had wound up there on the floor I didn't know.

Then turned the light on and I look at the cats and nearly screamed again. Their normally white paws were rust colored. Then I saw Lady. She lay on her side. She was breathing but injured and dazed. She hadn't growled at me since I had first found her but she did at that moment and I realized she was wrapped up with some bandaging. The professional look of it told me it was done by Jimmy Ray. From the marks on the floor she must have dragged herself this far and then collapsed. I would cry later and fuss over her if she made it.

The cats followed me and seemed to guide me down the tunnel to the barn. I was becoming detached mentally. The closer I got the worse the smell. The animals were lined up in the alcoves, all of them scared and quiet, even the rooster who barely took the time to hiss at me as I passed by. Jimmy Ray had used whatever was at hand to pen them in. And then I saw him. He looked like he'd just rolled down the ramp.

"Jimmy Ray?" I asked bending down the best I could, almost afraid to turn him over. He'd been pounded pretty heavily and there was a bullet wound in his left arm and another wound of some type on his right calf. "Don't you dare be dead," I whispered.

A ghostly voice muttered, "Hurt too bad to be dead."

I was relieved beyond words to express it. "What's happened?"

"Group was bigger than they first looked," he told me in a breathy voice. "Us, then the first group, then Sand's group … thought we had them dead to rights. Then another group came in behind Sand's group. Worst mash up you'd even want to see. They over ran the farm. Oh God Rocky, I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault … wait … what are you sorry for?" I had to know but at the same time I didn't want to.

"Thor … they … they got him. They caught Stro and then started torturing him, trying to get the rest of us to come out of hiding. O' course Johnson and Lawson … they buckled. They tried to rescue Stro … right in the middle of Thor making his move. Everything was mucked up. They threatened to kill all three if Thor didn't come out. He did … but he'd already been hit a couple of times. Thor came out shooting and Lawson got away in all the craziness. They still took Thor down. Then Lawson, Mr. Dink, and I hooked up. I'd already hurt my leg so I sent Lawson to go get us some help as the fight had moved on further away. As I was covering him I got hit in the arm. Lost some blood. Mr. Dink disappeared into the night, don't know where he is. Those men … they're wanting to … to know …" I could tell he didn't want to tell me, to explain the worst of it.

In a dead voice I asked, "What do they want Jimmy Ray?"

"You. Seems like you … you got a price on yer head. Some folks want you real bad for some reason. Think you can identify them or something to the authorities."

"There aren't any authorities."

"Yeah, yeah there are … Gloria has been telling me what she finds out. I've been passing it to Thor. Hasn't he been telling you?"

"No. I can imagine why though and I won't hold it against him."

"But … Rocky … They got him Rocky. I saw it all and couldn't … I tried but … I got a couple but my vision keeps … it gets dark … I'm the only one left but I have to … it's … it's my duty …" But Jimmy Ray wasn't doing anything. He'd collapsed again. I arranged him carefully and told the cats to leave him alone. Then I eased up to the trap door in the floor of the barn. All was dark inside and I crawled out. Not an animal or insect was making noise. It was like they sensed the embodiment of Death itself was walking the Earth, searching for even their small life forces to snuff out.

I was heaving by the time I had gotten all the way out. I crawled my way over to the barn door. It was torn half off of its hinges and the bar was splintered on the ground beside it. A tree trunk lay on the ground in front of the barn and I realized it had been used like a battering ram.

I nearly puked from my own pain and from the fear and disgust that rose up in me at what I saw. They had Johnson all trussed up for gelding. The tools of that trade were all lined up and a man stood there taking his time and milking the terror that was so thick in the air you could smell it.

Then I saw Cliff. He stood off to the side and the look on his familiar face truly did sicken me. It was a toss up to what he was feeling more … terror or glee. He said, "C'mon, you can stop this man. Tell them what they want to know. That's all you got to do. They'll stop the hurting. Trust me, I know." But no matter what the words were coming out of Cliff's mouth he couldn't hide his unnatural anticipation.

Then by the firelight I saw a man tied to the hitching rail. His arms were stretched out on either side of him so tightly his chest was stuck to the cross beam. He was unconscious, his shirt torn from his bloody back. One boot and sock off show a bloody foot. His legs were collapsed but unable to fully sink into any kind of comfortable position due to the height of the rail and the man's great stature. They'd sheared his unruly long hair off in a haphazard fashion making him look like an inexpertly shorn ram.

I went cold, so cold it didn't feel like I'd ever warm back up again. Then before I even realized I'd gone looking for it I found it, that place inside me that was made of hot fired steel. The one that God let grow there for a purpose I'd never fully understood … but I was beginning to. It took the world coming to a screeching halt but I was finally beginning to.

I really tried not to hate folks. It's not like I was still the innocent I had been that night in San Francisco. I'd done my share of killing over the last year and more. I'd hurt people and meant to. Even been disappointed a few times when those I'd hurt hadn't hurt long enough before they'd left this world. Passed judgment and taken revenge when that was God's job. I'd managed up to this point, or at least I thought I had, to keep that under control, to temper it with the compassion that God calls for all of us to give others, even our enemies. But the only compassion I was able to find for Cliff was the desire to release him from this life that had twisted him so badly. Whatever came afterwards for him was not my problem, nor my business. For the other men standing around I felt nothing, not one blessed thing. It was like they were nothing but gossamer shadows that I intended to rend out of my way.

The rifle I held in my hands was something that Thor had called a prototype of a new type of Bushmaster ACR. He never would tell me exactly where he'd picked it up but it had been one that he'd had in his stuff outside of Clarksville. I'd shot it a few times. It was a mean, nasty, powerful semi-automatic weapon and it suited my mood to a tee.


	97. Chapter 97

Chapter 97

"Blast! These new fangled pens are completely useless!"

"Not again," a female voice chuckled.

"Don't you not again me young lady. Why on earth they have to make these things with razor point tips and so small a person can barely …"

"Mom, I'm married with kids of my own. Don't you think you should give up calling me 'young lady'? And besides, I already hear it from Anne every chance she gets. Ford had them shipped in special to prevent any of us having to put up with what they are running into on the coast with those techno pirates. You know why you have to do the financial papers with those special pens; it's for fraud prevention. If you and Uncle Stro wouldn't insist on holding them like they were going to bite …"

A voice, older but still strong, called from the kitchen, "Hah! Don't draw me into this 'Chelle. I hate those things even worse than your mother does. I don't care if there is nano techno whosiwhatsits in that ink, anyone that even tries to take the farm by falsifying a deed will wind up down a deep hole just like all of the other idiots that have tried it over the years."

"Uncle Stro! You can't say things like that! What if someone heard?!"

"Well if they had any sense it would make them think twice."

"Ack!"

"All right, all right, that's enough. If the two of you brangling make my cake fall …"

"Me?! I'm not the one who started this!" But rather than be angry 'Chelle at her mother and uncle she laughed and just reveled in being home for a visit. She missed this. Missed it terribly. All of the kids being under foot until they were sorted out and sent back to who they belonged to at the end of the day. The fresh air, the freedom, the good food … all of the noise and shenanigans everyone seemed to constantly be up to. But when Ford had been offered the job in Roanoke it was something they just couldn't turn down, not when credits were getting so hard to come by, not even their metal investments seemed to keep up and they promised the kids they'd help them get into a decent school though Tyler seemed changing his mind and thinking about accepting his great uncle's offer of an apprenticeship. Damascus was still Damascus, little more than a dot on the map and there just weren't enough jobs to go around for those that needed them.

After her mother left the room 'Chelle asked her uncle, "How is she doing?"

"She hasn't said anything to you?"

"You honestly think she would? You know how Mom can be."

Strother Hefling shook his head, "Of course I do. And you know how hard she's taking it. It missed so many, and then to have this happen out of the blue …"

The old woman wasn't near as deaf as they seemed to think she was, she just wasn't in the mood to talk about it. Besides, she'd promised the grandkids that she would finally get around to writing the story out and they were bound and determined to hold her to it this time. She didn't know whether to consider it a foolish waste of time or admit that the memories were just hard to dredge up, even after all these years.

She checked the cake and found it ready to come out and once she had put it in the pie keep to cool she quietly went down to the basement and then into the tunnels. The grandkids all goggled every time she told them of how she had helped her father to dig the early tunnels and how most of the concrete that smoothed those walls was left over from that time. They'd installed lights some years back after they had been able to increase the farm's energy output with a bank of those super efficient solar generators that had been invented during the war. She set the switch to motion detection and slowly made her way from the basement to the barn so that she could avoid the dampness left over from yesterday's rain. It had taken a while but her body had finally started to call in payment for her years of abuse and lately it seemed it had been adding on late fees as well.

As she walked, the pool of light following her every step, she thought it felt like she was going back in time. The memories weren't all bad of course but the ones that she was about to get reacquainted with hurt and she'd rather take them out for a look see when no one was around to watch her do it.

Looking down she noted that's where Lady had lain so hurt and frail. Jimmy Ray had lain there, at the base of the ramp … he'd been gone what seemed like a long time and yesterday at the same time. He never had remarried after Gloria had died from weaponized tuberculosis during the war. All he had cared about ever afterwards were his kids and his dogs; and some days it had been hard to tell them apart as wild as they all were. Going to Jimmy Ray's place was like trying to wrangle a sack full of puppies, no matter which way you turned it was all paws and tails, snouts and teeth, and all of them in need of a bath.

A black and white cat met her at the top of the ramp, a descendent of ol' Boots, the terror of every dog in the tri-county area. While not quite as ferocious as his ancestor, this one was a darn good mouser which was why she didn't shoo him out of the barn and away from the area she kept the incubators in. She had more orders than she could fill now that they'd finally used some sense and relaxed the ordinances in the cities and allowed small livestock again and mice in the chick feed was the last thing she needed. The little business was bringing in some much needed credits, something rare after the sickness had made a hash out of things. Her family hadn't done as well as some had after the war, being uninterested in building a salvaging business. To really make those pay you had to either live in the urban jungle or be willing to travel a lot and neither one was appealing as it would take them too far from the farm.

She finally got the door laid back down without dropping the flaming thing and Rocky sat down on a milking stool to rest and think. She still kept several cows. With better refrigeration she didn't have to ration it the way she had in those early years. And unless the grandkids were over she even managed to have enough to make cheese with. Annie would bring her students out to the orchard during harvest time for a class picnic and the kids were always fascinated at how everything was done "the old fashioned way." Every year it seemed she'd get at least one smart aleck that would want to know why they were so poor they couldn't buy stuff at the store "like normal people did." That's all the opening Rocky needed and she'd take the kids back to what most everyone called the Twelvers War … a time when terror was more abundant than clean drinking water.

Those years had been lean and hard beyond what most people had the ability to describe; beyond what most of the folks of her generation even wanted to describe much less remember. Even as somewhat insulated as they had been here in the mountains they still felt the terrible toll that the war had taken on the whole country, on the world. The radio was a window open on what was going on that was sometimes difficult to look through. Things were better now … at least in some ways … but the shadows were still there, especially in the bigger cities where they seemed to lay in wait to suck the life force out of the people that had too soon forgotten the lessons of the past; or those that were trying to escape the past only to wind up repeating it.

The cat darted out a gap in the door drawing her attention. The big doors on the barn weren't new but they weren't the originals either. They'd been forced to make do and repair the ones that had been battered down that dark day for almost a full year before there was enough wherewithal to fashion new ones. Truth be told the barn was made up of parts from so many different time periods that it was a wonder it still stood at all. The roof was the newest, made out of panels that Stro had leftover from a big construction job on the newest incarnation of the Damascus consolidated school system. They'd finally enrolled enough kids to need to separate the younger ones from the older and Stro's company had been tapped to do the work.

But none of the primary beams were less than a hundred years old and some of them were so old and dark that they could have passed for something from a petrified forest. She walked over to one beam in particular. There, right there. She ignored it when she could but sometimes it still drew her unwilling eye. You could barely see it these days but that dark streak was where the nearly red hot barrel of the Bushmaster had charcoaled a gouge in the wood.

Rocky bent down and remembered. That night had ended leaving her at a point so far from where she had started that she never did quite make her way all the way back. Oh, she'd acted like she had but in reality something had shattered and she'd never managed to find all the pieces and glue them back together. She had been beyond fear or terror. Beyond anger. Even beyond revenge although that had come back to her eventually.

Rocky closed her eyes and it was all too easy to picture how it had been, to step back in time.

The air that night had been crisp with a nasty little bite to it. I heard the cruel jibes of the captors, smelled the odor of pain and terror, and the sharp metallic scent of blood.

Johnson stripped and strapped down and for all he'd already endured in torture his eyes rolled in their swollen sockets and I sensed he was feeling the panic only a young man could at what they had promised to do to him. Thor tied to the hitching rail; beaten, tortured, and shorn. No sound came from him. He made absolutely no movement. I lost what hope I had that he still drew breath. They'd cut him viciously and even in the dark I could see the ground beneath him was wet with coagulating blood.

Finally I saw Stro, thrown to the side like a broken toy. His arm bent in a place arms weren't meant to bend. His back was shredded just like Thor's. But he hadn't gone quietly any more than Thor had. His big hands were torn and bloody from what must have truly been a battle. Two of the enemy lay near him their faces unrecognizable masks of gore, a testament to how hard our side had fought. There was no sign of Mr. Dink and I could only pray that my father's old friend had somehow escaped with Lawson and gone for help.

The three men – my husband and the brothers of my heart – were bent and subjugated; their captors making comments unfit to wipe dog poop off your boots with. The man I had dubbed The Torturer picked up the emasculator from the brazier of red hot coals and started to make his move which was what I took as the signal to make a move of my own.

His head didn't exactly disintegrate as two bullets from the bushmaster impacted his face but it wasn't exactly in the same shape it had been the moment before either. His arms flew up and back and he released the tool he'd intended for Johnson. The force subsequently propelled the tool directly into Cliff's eye. But Cliff wasn't dead. He shrieked and stumbled around and knocked the brazier over and into one of the other captors that hadn't quite figure out what was going on. I didn't give him, or the other men, the chance.

I could have been more controlled but I wasn't; my shots became a little wild. About all I can claim is that I managed to keep them high enough that none of them hit the bodies of my people. Cliff had finally managed to get the emasculator out of his eye socket but he was still stumbling around screaming when I stepped out of the barn. With his one remaining eye he spotted me and then shrieked like he'd seen a nightmare … and maybe he had.

My steel was starting to leak cold fire from where I kept it tucked and hidden, so much of it in fact it must have shown on my face. Cliff back pedaled and then turned and ran into the woods. The woods I knew as well as I knew my own hands.

"Rocky! Rocky girl!"

I looked and what I saw made me smile … but it was a terrible smile, the smile of a mountain banshee that had sighted the one she was to wail her unspeakable lament to. Mr. Dink though wasn't as afraid as he should have been. He took the bushmaster gently from me and then placed in my hand Thor's FN SCAR-IAR battle rifle. I stroked it the way I would have my lover if he'd still been with me. I turned and headed into the forest leaving Mr. Dink to tend to the survivors and greet the cavalry.

I could hear Cliff quietly blundering through the forest trying to escape the predator I had become, maybe had always been. He had once been a good woodsmen; not great, but certainly better than average. Dad had regularly used him as an example to follow and he'd shown a lot of promise; but his skills must have atrophied when he quit our crew. Or maybe my own skills had simply improved beyond what his had ever been. I had no trouble following him.

I should have needed a light in the forest but didn't because God had provided one for me. The moon shown down turning everything silver and gray. The cold, dry night air aided me as every sound seemed to carry for miles. Every few feet I saw an inky blackness painted on a leaf, a tree trunk, in some lichen. Cliff was bleeding … but then again so was I. I felt the dampness that told me I'd left my own care too long. If Cliff was being drained of his life, so was I. As much as my heart hurt this was no suicide mission for me. I had a daughter that needed me and I intended to be there to raise her. I told myself it was time to end things and tend to the living as much as the dead.

I picked up my pace and tried to ignore the various discomforts in the various places that I was feeling them. Then it came to me. I knew where he was going. A place in some of the oldest of the old growth forest that had been used as a camp site for so many decades there were places in the ground where grass would never grow and smooth indentions in a few of the boulders where buttocks had sat so many times – even before this country was a country – that they were more like chairs than rocks.

Now in addition to sound the wind brought me the smell of campfires, too smoky for good sense or stealth. I slowed down and then turned off the path to a hidden place that Dad and I had used as a hunting stand. It gave me the perfect view of the camp in the hollow below.

I watched Cliff stumble up to a guard and nearly get shot for his troubles. His hysterical tone was so shrill it almost hurt the fillings in my teeth to hear it, even from that distance. I watched as several men came up to him and then one who bore himself with a real competence, a leader among men that they all obviously listened to. The men all parted before the man who was walked like a leader as he approached Cliff and I could see the calming affect he had on them all. I had found my first target.

I took a breath. Aimed. The leader turned and I saw his face; a man of power, of control, one who reminded me for a fleeting moment of Thor when the battle was on. And then I pulled the trigger and the face was obliterated and the sound in the wake of my shot told me Cliff was no longer the only hysterical one.

"Control Hon. That's what you need the most. You have to turn loose of any idea you have of judging your target. It's nothing but an unnecessary distraction. Once a person becomes your target the time of judgment is over with and what you are dealing them is fate." Thor had tried to explain to me every time I asked how he could do what he did for pay and live with himself but it was this last explanation that had stuck with me the most. The time for judging these men was over with. I had already judged them and found them guilty. They had chosen their fate and I was here to deliver it.

My shots were Spartan; there was no need to waste ammo, no need to simply burn the clip off with one pull of the trigger. I didn't shoot unless I had a good target. The thing was I had a lot of good targets; there were too many men in too small an area. It was quite literally like picking cherries out of a bowl. The men and women would run this way and that but I kept them pinned in. I also gave off enough random shots that it kept them running around in the middle as well. The clearing was only so big and up against a face of pure granite that there was just no place for them to escape to. Maybe that leader hadn't been as smart as he appeared at first glance.

I sunk to a lower position and then lay prone. They'd finally gotten themselves together enough to start shooting back; however, the idiots shot their own more than they ever came close to shooting me. Through it all I kept my eye on Cliff as he ran to and fro and finally collapsed in a heap.

When the shooting stopped bodies were strewn everywhere below me. Only a very few were left alive to escape. I let them go knowing they wouldn't escape for long. Someone had the dogs out; they bayed at the moon like hell hounds and I watched the fear kindle in the eyes of those that finally dug up enough courage to run.

Cliff stayed where he was, a pathetic mess. I had almost given up, thinking that maybe he had died from shock, when he lifted his ruined face and shouted as he started to crawl into the shadows, "I know it's you! I'll get you for this! I'll give you to them that want you and then sell that brat of yours to the scientists! It'll live in a cage for the rest of its unnatural life! It …"

The battle rifle in my hand barked only once. Just a squeeze, that's all it took. And Cliff was no more.

I was forced to use the trunk of a hickory nut tree to help me stand. With my part of the battle over with I was dizzy but whether from blood loss or the last of the adrenaline seeping away I couldn't tell. I don't really remember that fumbling march back to the farm, all I am sure of is that it took a lot longer to get back than it had to hunt Cliff down. After the gun cooled down I was able to sling it over my shoulders but that meant I was without a crutch.

I stumbled from tree to tree, from boulder to boulder. A brief wade through a cold stream woke me up enough that I realized I needed to adjust my course and then finally I was within sight of the homestead. There was a cacophony of sound rolling towards me but I was hearing it through ears suffering in the aftermath of heavy rifle fire.

I was spent but unreasonably I felt like roaring with laughter at the irony at realizing my milk had started to come in. My chest was straining at the buttons of the gown I had never changed out of. When I realized the yard was full of strange people there was no way I was going to go out amongst them. I wasn't fit to be seen and I really had no interest in making even more of a spectacle of myself than I already had. And if any of them were my friends the stains on the gown and the rest of me would give them cardiac arrest.

Through the rows of corn, behind the wagon, and then as I tried to cut through the horses that seemed to be milling everywhere they shouldn't be I heard the baying of a hound. It wasn't loud. It was pretty pathetic actually. But the roar that followed the bay wasn't. I told myself I couldn't be hearing what I thought I was hearing.

"Ro-chelle … you having a staring contest with that post or what?" I was yanked back to the present with such ferocity I nearly fell over.

"Thor! What are you doing out of your bed?! You know what the doctor said."

"Yeah, yeah," he said and I could hear the wheeze beneath his words. "No one knew where you were at. Wound up having to get Brunhilda to find you."

I put my hands on my hips, more ample than they used to be despite a still very active life, and told him, "That dog's name is Daisy, not Brunhilda."

"She doesn't answer to Daisy," he said with a wicked twinkle still bright despite the passing of the years.

Getting irritated at his refusal to go back in the house despite me trying to turn him that direction, "That's because you've confused her. Whoever heard of a hound being called Brunhilda? Honestly you and your strange starts." To the dog I said, "Yes, you found me you great big goof. Now if you could find the rabbits that keep getting into my cabbage you'd have something to be proud of."

Thor wrapped his arms around me and I let him for all that the grandkids would probably start making their silly gagging noises and run off and tell their parents that Ra Ra and Grandpa were doing it again. But as he did so I noticed his arms were thinner, too thin no matter if he'd finally put some weight back on since they'd let me bring him home from the hospital in Abingdon. He saw me noticing and said, "I'm fine. Give me a little bit more time and your good cooking …"

I was in no mood for play. "I nearly lost you. Again."

"Maybe. But since it didn't turn out that way though, maybe not. Looks like God isn't quite through with me yet." We leaned into each other, thanking God yet again neither one of us had been forced to learn what it was going to be like to live without the other. We knew that time was coming, given our age perhaps sooner rather than later, but that time hadn't come yet and I was praising and thanking Him for it. "Now you going to tell me what's got you looking like you do?" Thor asked with a hint of concern in his voice.

I thought about lying but I still couldn't pull it off with a straight face even after nearly four decades of marriage. "I got tired of the kids pestering the daylights out of me to write down the family history. I'd gotten so far … I just seemed to get stuck and couldn't get passed …"

I shrugged and that was all. I didn't even have to finish explaining. That night was one neither of us has ever been able to talk about often or with equanimity. It took both of us months to heal up from our ordeal. Thor still limps if his foot gets too cold for too long. While my constitution was sorely tested I suffered no permanent damage though it took much longer than it should have for me to fully recover from the birth of our first child. I got a cold that came and went that whole winter but was blessed that it never went into my lungs.

We named our baby Anna Joy though for the most part she went by Annie or Anne. She was tall, actually ending up an inch taller than me, but where as I grew up thick and muscular she was willowy taking after Thor's side of the family. There was a little over two years between Anna Joy and her brother Erik. Erik grew to be a carbon copy of his father in nearly every way including his wanderlust as a young man. He did settle down, he just didn't do it early like the rest of his siblings. After Erik came Evans then Ethan and then Everley all in quick succession. Those four boys were holy terrors and I loved every minute of it. Thor and Annie would sit and watch us and just shake their heads while I rough housed with the four boys. Stro and I took great delight in teaching them to play football.

After Everley we lost a couple and we thought there wouldn't be any more but once God surprised us with Dovie it seemed to pave the way for Lydie, Corder, Brooks, and Malissa. We were for sure that Malissa was the last. I'd had so much trouble with that pregnancy towards the end that it didn't surprise us when three years passed with not so much as a nibble.

Then I got a chest cold that turned into pneumonia. The war was over with but things were still very hard to come by, especially antibiotics and professional medical care. I was over six months along before we realized that one of the reasons it was taking me so long to get my health back was because I was going to have a baby. I fought and cried and really cut up a fuss but in the end I didn't have any choice but to be admitted to the hospital.

It caused a stir and a bunch of the old stuff was brought up when my identity was leaked by a self serving orderly looking to make a buck. The results of the tests I went through also caused me palpitations. Someone … several someones … from the government showed up and tried to talk Thor and I into being some kind of spokespeople for the anti-environmental movement that was a popular fad at the time but there was no way I was having anything to do with it.

The stress of it all put me into labor early which strangely enough turned out to be a blessing, one that may have saved my life; one or both of the twins, and possibly me, would have died in the trying. I was pretty blasted for over a week, nearing meltdown stage. I'd had to endure the Roman cut and all had agreed that it was simply safer for me to have my tubes tied at the same time. I was at peace with the decision, it was everything else that was turning my brain inside out. I had thought all of the GWB stuff was behind me, behind the family. I had been wrong.

When they were born the little girl weighed almost thirteen pounds even though she was over a month premature. The little boy was half a pound smaller but half an inch longer. I suppose it doesn't speak well of me but I just couldn't get my head around things. The doctors wanted Thor to leave the twins and I in the hospital indefinitely but I begged him to get us out of there. Thor called on some old friends and we were whisked home and I didn't leave the property for months, afraid that history was going to repeat itself.

Slowly the night terrors and dreams stopped and I could appreciate what Thor had chosen to name the babies when I wasn't in any shape to do much more than gibber. The girl he named Rochelle though we call her 'Chelle, and the boy he named Jonathon.

We weren't the only ones left with lasting effects from that night. Stro was left with some heavy scaring including some in his left ear canal that caused some loss of hearing. When his business became successful he had something done about it letting us know that it had always bothered him more than he had ever let on. He and Tina remained married through several rough patches; it seemed to take them a few years before they were truly and completely easy in each other's company. They had a houseful of big noisy boys, best friends of our older boys, and Tina finally laughed one day and told me that it used to be that she didn't know how to cope with all of the noise and ruckus but that now she didn't know what to do without it.

Lawson, who brought the cavalry … literally since it had been a military convoy he'd run into first … turned serious and enlisted. He lost half a foot in the war and was sent home where he went to work for Stro, eventually meeting a girl that he settled down with. We see them at church nearly every week.

Jimmy Ray seemed to be the least traumatized of the group. He just got up, went home to Gloria, and carried on with his life as if nothing had ever happened. They had four stair steps and then out of the blue, the war was brought home to all of us. Gloria was still acting as an intermediary between the military and our local militia. Somehow she was exposed to a biological weapon. Our entire area received mass inoculations and tight quarantining, stopping the TB in its tracks but for Gloria it was too late. Jimmy Ray nursed her to the horrible end. And when she passed she seemed to take a good chunk of the old Jimmy Ray with her. He saw his children raised, grew his business, and then one day his youngest heard all of the dogs howling. She ran out and found Jimmy Ray; he'd had some kind of stroke or aneurism, we never did find out which. Two of his kids continued the dog breeding and training business their father had built and those animals are some of the most prized on the market for search and rescue workers.

If Jimmy Ray was the least affected, Johnson was the most. He suffered from nightmares and night sweats for months afterwards. He tried to build a normal life but he could never quite pull it off. The girl he married gave him two children, a boy and a girl, but no matter how he tried he couldn't ever quite find peace. Two years after Lawson enlisted Johnson left to do the same. He never came home. Sandford, at his brother's memorial said, "Sometimes you fight the good fight and die quickly anyway. There's no shame in it and such people are often called heroes. But I think it's just as true to call those men heroes that die slowly, bits at a time, from battles long forgotten by everyone else. They get up every day and try. They never completely surrender even though it would be so much easier to do so. They fight the same war every day, sometimes winning, sometimes losing. Which one of us can say that we could be so strong even knowing that eventually the scars that no one can see may kill us one day anyway?"

Sand and Tina only had their one child. For whatever reason Tina never could get pregnant again but they raised Johnson's two as if they were their own when their mother, too young to deal with a husband that was so damaged that he'd all but abandoned her, had left to start a new job in Richmond. She had promised to come back but never had and eventually stopped leaving forwarding addresses.

Mr. Hefling is still around. Watching Johnson fight his demons revealed something to him. I'm not sure what it was but he met a young woman and then married her. She had two children by her first husband who had died in the early days of the Green terrorist attacks then she and Mr. Hefling had a child together. I thought Stro and Thor were going to give themselves hernias at the look on Mr. Hefling's face as he tried to explain that he was going to be a father again after he'd already become a grandfather.

Granny C passed away in her sleep right before Everley was born. It was a blessing. Her arthritis had crippled her up so badly that even breathing had become a misery by the end. I've never spoken of it but I saw a cup of tea by her bedside that Miz Louise had given her. The leaves I had seen steeping had been from an herb known for its strong narcotic affect. Or maybe it hadn't been Miz Louise but Granny herself; her mind had still been sharp for all it was locked up in a body wracked with pain. She would have known what she was doing. I'll let God sort that one out.

Miz Louise and Mr. Dink outlived Granny by nearly five years though we finally convinced them to move into the cabin near the house. They died within a week of each other and it was like the end of an age for those of us that had grown up knowing them.

All through the years Thor and I have had our ups and downs, but praise God mostly ups. His recent illness scared me badly. We still don't know where he picked it up at but I suspect it was on the trip to Kentucky. I was still fat with Erik when out of the blue a young man rides up and shouts a halloooo at our gate. I don't know which of us was more stunned, him seeing me pregnant or me realizing I was looking at David Chuckri.

"Dad! Dad!"

Thor had just come from the barn and started running towards me when he saw I was in distress, "Is it the baby?"

"No … I mean I don't think … Thor, I'm … I'm losing my mind. I could swear I just saw …"

At that time several riders thundered down the road, Sand leading the way in front of familiar faces I hadn't thought to ever see again. That night was amazing. The whole crew was reunited except for Evans. The men were on a trading expedition and had taken the chance following up a lead they'd heard through the military grapevine, had gotten turned around and then run into Sand and the rest as they say is history.

We still see them occasionally though we write much more often; David even came to live with us for a season before returning home a little older and wiser than he had arrived. Ludvig is now the patriarch of the family. The Chuckri's are one of the larger land holders where they are but it hasn't been easy. During the Twelver War many people suspected them of being spies just because of their complexion. When the old crew started helping the military things eased up but the occasional flare up still happens. Just like us they've seen sadness and tragedy but Uncle Bedros taught them well and they haven't let any of it break them.

So many things have happened over the years of our lives that I'll probably be the rest of mine trying to record it. I keep searching for some great bit of wisdom that I can impart to the kids so that they won't make the mistakes we have but really, none of it is original. All the good wisdom comes from the Good Book. But if I did have to come up with something I would say to live life regardless of the circumstances you find yourself in. Search for the light in the dark. And sometimes there are fights worth fighting.

And now I am putting down this pen for a while. Thor is going to be asking for his dinner before I know it and I still have that cake to frost. Think I'll split it and add a layer of filling of apple butter to it; the boys have always been partial to my apple butter. Maybe after dinner I'll see if any of the boys want to toss the football around before the bugs come out. After all I may be getting older but I've still got a few plays left in me. And after we get all the young uns to sleep tonight I think I'll take some time and remind Thor of that too.

THE END


End file.
